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I've been hanging out with Stacy, everybody thinks we're dating.
“Oh, what do you mean?”
Jungwon chuckled nervously. “What I mean is, I'm not asking her to the festival.” He explained, already uncomfortable.
“But aren't you guys dating?”
“Nope. Absolutely not.” Jungwon bounced from one foot to the other. This conversation was one he'd had thousands of times.
“Well, you guys will get to that stage.” The girl walked off, her friend agreed. “Yeah, I bet he's thinking of ways to ask her.”
__
Cause I spend my weekends hanging at her house
“Jungwonie! Are you coming over?” She bounded over to him. “My mom wants to make sure.”
“Um.. Sure, let me text my parents to let them know.” Jungwon pulled out his phone, texting his Mom.
Again?
Well no complaints from me, have a ‘fun’ weekend! 😏
Its not like that mom!
Sure it isn't, your in college Jungwon, its okay to be like this 😁
Jungwon groaned, turning off his phone.
“What's wrong?”
“My mom thinks I'm secretly dating you… Again.” Jungwon sighed, fidgeting the hem of his sweater.
“W-well it's just an assumption!” Stacy stammered, cheeks red as she hid behind her palms. Jungwon bit back a remark. It was so painfully obvious she liked him, but Jungwon thought she was just being casual, he desperately wanted to believe she didn't like him.
“Okay, let's get going then.”
__
She's a part of the cheer team, top of class and she's prom Queen.
"And one, two, three, go!"
Jungwon sat on the bleachers, watching Stacy practice cheerleading with her teammates. They were practicing the new cheer, and some tricks.
The coach watched from afar, nodding approvingly at Stacy whenever she landed or did a difficult flip.
When Stacy finished everyone clapped. "As expected from the smartest girl.." Two juniors giggled behind Jungwon. "And prom Queen." The other added, continuing their 'secret' giggles.
Stacy locked eyes with Jungwon, who just clapped and gave her a thumbs up. She seemed satisfied with that.
__
When we study chemistry, she unbuttons her blouse…
Jungwon felt the tension in the room. Stacy's mom left them to pop by the grocery store. Jungwon kept his gaze on the textbook, trying not to look up at the girl in front of him. She had started slowly unbuttoning her blouse, inching closer to Jungwon and crossing her arms to make her chest look bigger.
Jungwon felt trapped, on one hand he could call her out. But it would be awkward and weird after. Or he could make an excuse and leave.
It felt like a sauna in the room. Stacy moved closer, the smell of her shampoo taking over Jungwon’s sense of smell. She seemed so close, but she was far and he knew it.
Focus on the textbook..
Acid.. Acid.. Vanilla, floral..
Jungwon internally slapped himself, trying to focus. Holding his breath to not inhale her shampoo.
The sound of the door opening broke the silence. When Jungwon finally looked up he noticed Stacy let her hair down and her blouse was unbuttoned down to the fourth button, he could see her breast crease, and her black bra was in full view.
"I-I'll go get the door." He offered, rushing out of the room. The cold air hit him, did Stacy turn on the heater in her room?
__
But I got secret I must confess. Its not her laugh or the way she dresses, she's not the reason I've been thinking about love..
"Have you seen her new outfit though?" Sunoo asked, Jungwon nodded. Stacy had worn a revealing yet stylish outfit today. Rumors spread she was trying to impress someone.
"It looks good. Your totally the lucky guy!" Sunoo said. Jungwon nodded, in these times. Boys liking boys was almost forbidden. Not really but society shamed it.
"Yay.."
__
Every weekend when we hang out, I lose my cool when he's around..
"Kiss, marry, kill. Maddie, Me and Jenna." Stacy asked, a bright smile on her face.
They were hanging out again, Jungwon thought for a moment. "This is hard.. Kill.. Jenna, Kiss you, and Marry Maddie."
Stacy's smile faltered for a moment. "W-why Maddie?"
"Duh! Have you seen her cooking? It's to die for! And she's rich. But it's never gonna happen since this is all hypothetical."
Stacy nodded, her smile returning. "You're right..." She shifted slightly. "Hey Jungwon, I've been wanting to tell you-"
A knock interrupted them. "Hey Stac. I got you your necklace."
It was Stacy's brother, Jay. He threw a box at Stacy, she caught it. Opening it and smiling. "Thanks bro."
Jay's gaze landed on Jungwon, who looked chill on the outside but his heart was racing and he was sure his face was turning red, he was screaming. "As long as you guys don't fuck, and if you do, protection please."
Stacy groaned and yelled at him to get out. He laughed as he left. Jungwon already missing his presence, he frowned at the thought that Jay saw him as Just Stacy's crush and not something else.
__
And I don't know if this is just a crush..
"Hey, when did you get here?"
Jungwon flinched at the familiar voice. Jay, who came back from swimming just a mere moments ago, seemed confused on why he was hear.
Jungwon stared intently at his face, on the outside it looked like he was just glaring at Jay, but in his mind..
Don't, look below his head, it doesn't matter if he's well-built. Shit!
Jungwon couldn't stop his eyes from raking over Jay's chest.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, he's gonna think I'm weird.
__
How do I find the words to tell her…
Stacy was working up the courage to confess, it was obvious. They way she asked to hang out more, the way her friends would giggle and push her playfully towards him when he was around.
But anytime she caught him alone and would try confessing, a miracle would happen, Jungwon would be thankful for it and pretend to be bummed out, before turning around and smiling like he was given permission to leave a family event.
Cause how could he explain that he didn't like her, that he liked…
__
I'm in love with Stacy's brother..
Jungwon had, yet again, managed to escape her confession. He could tell she was losing hope, it hurt him but it was better than outright rejecting her..
Jungwon went home that day and jumped in his bed, screaming into a pillow. Jay had gave him a weird look. Not a bad weird look but something between good and bad.
He had to write this down in his book!
★★★
Jungwon took deep breaths before ringing the doorbell. He clutched the books in his arms, he tried calming himself down, he couldn't let his true feelings show.
The door opened and he was face to face with Jay. Jungwon bit his tongue to stop himself from stuttering, heck to stop himself from talking.
“Oh its you. Sorry, Mom and Stacy went to visit the neighbors down the street. You can come and wait inside, but I doubt you'll be entertained.”
Jungwon kept his head low as he went inside, closing the door behind him. Jay plopped onto the couch, going back to his phone call with his friends.
Jungwon sat at the other end of the couch. He tapped his finger on her book he held, waiting for something interesting.
Jay finished talking and turned to him. “So.. Since I never actually got to interview you for my sister,we could start now.”
Jungwon gulped, nodding along.
“So you like her? Truthfully.”
“No Si- Jay..”
Jay raised a suspicious brow. “Well, would you ever hurt her?”
“Never.”
Jungwon hoped Jay wasn't taking this the wrong way, this felt like a boyfriend interview rather than a friend one.
“Good.” Jay sighed before leaning in. “Look man, my sister likes you a lot and I can tell you don’t, so you need to either accept her feelings or let her down gently.”
Jungwon nodded again. “I've been trying for a while now to be honest, but she's determined.”
“Really?” Jay chuckled. “Okay, since my sister isn't your crush, then who is?”
Jungwon fidgeted with his sweater's sleeve.
You.
He wanted to say so badly. “I-I don't have a crush..”
“Well you have to have one, come on just say it I won't judge.” Jay moved closer. Jungwon thought for a moment. “I'm actually.. Bi.”
Jay furrowed his brows. “Bi.. What? What after that.”
“Bi as in bisexual, I like girls and..” Jungwon left it at that, Jay wasn't stupid, he'd understand.
Jay seemed shocked, his eyes widening. “O-oh, your.. That?” His open mouth turned into a smile as he let out small laugh.
Jungwon covered his face. “I know, its weird to like boy, but for me they're just.. Really pretty.”
“Oh really?”
★★★
I'm gonna spend the night at Stacy's. Don't know why my heart's racin’
"Toothbrush, phone, clothes, snacks.. Yep! All done." Jungwon picked up his bag, and his mom pestered him for a while, making sure he had the essentials.
He got on his bike and cycled to Stacy's house, it wasn't that far and he loved riding his bike.
__
Cause the whole school thinks we're gonna hit first base.
"Come one man, just do it. Its not that hard." Jake encouraged. Jungwon gnawed at his bottom lip, its not like he didn't try explaining, but for some reason everyone 100% sure he's gonna kiss Stacy.
"Again, it's not like that guys." Even his own two friends, Sunoo and Jake, weren't believing him. "Its okay to be flustered Jung-.., oh shoot I was supposed to meet up with Ni-ki, sorry guys I'll be back!" Sunoo stuffed the remainder of his food into his mouth and grabbed his bag before leaving.
__
She's coming back from her cheer meet, told me to study biology. Cause she wants to show me how to get an A.
"Ugh? I can't do this.." Jungwon gripped his hair, he just got off the phone with Stacy herself.
He loves her (platonically) he really does but why can't she take a hint!?
“Is it the way I say hi? Do I need to be meaner? Should I start growling when she walks by?” He! muttered under his breath, throwing himself backwards onto the bed.
Jay, sitting on the other side of the room, didn’t even flinch. “You’re dramatic.”
Jungwon groaned. “She said she’s gonna help me get an A in bio. You know what that means.”
Jay raised a brow. “...actual studying?”
Jungwon sat up like he’d been possessed. “No! That’s code, Jay! Everyone knows it! Jake told me! Sunoo told me! Hell, even my mom gave me a look when I said I was studying with Stacy!”
Jay snorted, flipping a page in his book. “Maybe if you just told her you weren’t into her-”
“How?! Without also admitting I’m.. You know..?” Jungwon grabbed a pillow and smothered his face into it with a groan.
Jay raised a hand, “You can actually. Just chill.”
“I can’t chill! I’m studying biology, while she’s trying to study my anatomy!”
Jay couldn't hold back a laugh. Jungwon hit him with a pillow.
__
But I got a secret I must admit, its not her lips I wanna kiss
Jungwon stared behind Stacy's head, she thought he was looking at her. Her cheeks turning a hint of pink and pushing her hair behind her ear.
In reality he was watching Jay, who was subconsciously sucking on his Popsicle. He was so focused on his show.
He had such small pretty lips. God, he was giving him a hard time with even trying.
__
She's not the reason for the bruises ‘round my neck.
Jungwon stood in front of the mirror, looking a dark purple marks littering his collarbone. “Fucking animal..” He muttered, grabbing some makeup.
“Its hot as fuck and I have wear a turtle neck cause of him.. Ugh, the bastard.”
When Jungwon pressed down on them, they hurt just a bit, enough for him to feel how tender the skin became.
__
Every weekend I'm sneaking out through the window of her house. And the truth is, ain't Stacy I undressed.
Jungwon grabbed his clothes from off the floor, quickly slipping the on. “Are you going already?” A tired, deep voice, whispered into his ear as strong arms wrapped around him.
However, it didn't stop Jungwon. “Yes, m'sorry but I need to go. See you tomorrow.” He pecked Jay's cheek before opening his window and jumping down. Jay's room was actually on the first floor. Unlike the rest.
__
How do I find the words to tell her… I hooked up with Stacy's brother..
Things between Jay and Jungwon changed. It was noticeable too. They joked more casually and Jungwon sat closer to Jay more often during him and Stacy’s hangouts.
Stacy hadn't given up on confessing, but for now stuck to ‘discreet’ admiration. But she wasn't stupid, she could tell Jay and Jungwon were close. Must be from the times they were alone when Stacy was gone.. Right?
★★★
As graduation neared, Stacy noticed those changes. She had clung to the hope that it was her being paranoid. But seeing this note in her locker.. It confirmed everything.
She looked at it, heart shattered but hoping that she misread.. The whole letter?
Stacy here's the truth, and I don't want to seem rude, your not the only one on my mind.
I wanna be best friends, but I don't want to pretend. That the way I've behaved is a crime.
Stacy I gotta tell ya.. I'm in love with your big brother.
While everyone was getting ready for graduation, there Stacy stood, shaking from her tears and clutching the note. It wasn't the fact that he was into her brother. It was heart, she'd never loved anyone like she liked him.