Chapter Text
“BestFrench?” the Brazilian boy asked with a bit of confusion. Tota turned to Ray who was on his well-arranged bed, dooms scrolling while ignoring the chaos of streamers outside their dorms.
“Yes. We are best friends like more than bros.” Ray said lazily almost seeming uninterested in the conversation. He wasn’t.
Tota and Ray. The internet’s new favorite duo in streamer university. Everyone loved their dynamic, funny and sometimes relatable when they are not throwing around gay jokes.
Tota, who was not used to such attention was overwhelmed by the love he was getting online.
#Bestfriend. #Brother. #Friends. Every hashtags were used online to better explain their dynamic. Anything that made it easier to ignore certain aspects of their ‘friendship’.
“More than friends?”
“Not like that dumbass. Like a higher level of friends.” Ray, who was also not great at English, tried explaining their friendship in an easier way. Used his hands to further explain it.
It was useless.
Tota already lost interest in the conversation.
Whether ‘friends’ ‘bestfrench’ or ‘more than friends. One thing that lingered in his mind was that he loved being close to Ray.
“I love you my bro.”
Tota said so easily. Too casual.
Ray stopped doomscrolling. He finally looked up at Tota who was now too busy on his phone. Sitting on the other side of the room, in his usual blue hoodie and black shorts that Ray could’ve sworn was his.
“Bro you say that every time. Do you say that to everyone too?” Ray exclaimed with a chuckle, almost a laugh under his breath.
“No.” Tota still busy on his phone.
“No?”
Ray could feel a shift in the air, he wondered if he was the only one that felt it. The Brazilian boy found his phone more interesting as the question lingered in the air.
The Taiwanese boy lost interest in his phone, he was more focused on what was about to leave Tota’s tongue.
A sudden wave of curiosity flooded him. His question was only a joke, right? Nothing more.
“What does he mean by no?”
“Tota-“
“I only say to my bestfrench. You my bestfrench Ray.”
Ray’s breath hitched.
You’d think Ray had gotten used to Tota’s random confessions over the past month of them being at Streamer University, but it’s been more frequent like Tota couldn’t go a day without Ray knowing how much he liked his ‘bestfrench’. As friends of course.
Ray could feel his cheeks getting warm. What the fuck is happening?
He couldn’t just stay quiet. Say anything. Anything to make this seem normal.
“You gay bro.”
Ray joked. Anything better than confronting his inner conflicts and confusion.
“Me no gay. You gay. Me boy. You geurl” Tota laughed in a defensive tone.
Their usual jokes.
“No. me boy. Tota, you girl. You like boys. I like girls”
“I like geurls bro.”
They laughed. The gay jokes continued for a few minutes with a mix of teasing.
Silence filled their room.
As the sun slowly set, chaos outside the dorm reduced. The mood in their dorm stayed the same.
The two streamers laid on their beds. Tota slowly falling asleep.
But Ray.
Ray stared at the ceiling. Millions of thoughts are going through his head. He knew he was confused about a lot of things.
He hated feeling like this. Powerless, scared and nervous. He hated feeling like this around Tota. It wasn’t normal.
“Ray?” Tota broke the silence with a sleepy voice.
“Mhmm”
“I love you bro.”
Again?
“Tota-“
“I love you my bestfrench”
Ray ran his hands across his hair. Tota was not helping.
“I l-love you too”
Ray finally confessed, maybe to make Tota stop saying it or maybe it was more than how he felt. How he’s been feeling.
Tota did not really know why he needed Ray to know he loved him. He could feel how thick the air was. What is going on?
Why did he need Ray to say it back? He never needed him to do so before but lately, he had a sudden need to be close to Ray, to express his love for Ray. Just best friends’ activity.
It was silent again but both boys were fighting inner thoughts, neither were at peace. Tota who was almost asleep but suddenly his hoodie strings seem more interesting than dream land. Ray, who seemed more interested in the ceiling as he felt more discomfort in his bed.
The dorm room is filled with confusion, uncertainty and a growing tension which both boys decide to ignore. They are best friends after all, the internet knew that, everyone knew that.
The next day was bright and sunny. Streamers walked around the campus with cameras in their face, thanking their chats for gifts and pranking fellow streamers for clips and views. A normal morning at streamer university.
Ray, barely fully awake, was running around campus, hoodie not fully over his body and mismatched crocs. He was late to his class, India Love Class, again. He knew he’d be in a lot of trouble with Kai.
“Geo hurry up. We are so late” he shouted at his camera man as he started sprinting down the hallway. I’m so fucked.
“Yo Ray!”
It was Rakai. Waiting for Ray in front of the classroom.
“Why are you so late?”
“I overslept”
“You always oversleeping bro. I’m starting to wonder what you and Tota are doing in that room”. He teased.
“Don’t start with that bullshit.”
“What bullshit. You were never so late a few weeks ago. But lately…. You and Tota..”
“On god I’ll slap the shit out of you Rakai.”
“Okay chill, I’m just joking, chill.” Rakai was smiling ear to ear as he successfully raigebaited Ray.
Ray on the other hand was out of breath after his run; he was in no mood for Rakai usual teasing. Especially not one about Tota.
They walked into the classroom, right when India love was scolding a streamer. This was a great way to go unnoticed by her. The two carefully sat down, not drawing attention to the fact they were more than 20 minutes late.
Ray was relieved, he felt relaxed until Rakai started staring at him for too long.
“You good mud?”
“Yeah.”
“Ray, you look like you haven’t gotten a minute of sleep. You look like shit.”
“You look like shit too”
“I am dead serious gang. How you oversleep and still look like a dead corpse?”
Ray looked around the classroom, everyone was busy with their streams. He hadn’t started streaming, neither had Rakai. He needed to talk to someone about it, about his confusion and Tota.
He turned his whole body to Rakai,
“ Rakai I love you.” He said almost a whisper. Firm and direct.
“Umm… that’s random. Are you sure you good Ray?” Rakai was now more confused than before.
“ I’m okay. Just confused.”
“You are confused so you are throwing out ‘I love yous’?”
“Can best friends tell each other I love yous, randomly?”
This was Ray’s way of asking for help without selling himself out. Especially not to Rakai.
“Yeah I guess. Nothing weird with saying that to your best friends.”
“Really?”
“Depends on the tone and moods. You know, saying I love you a certain way to certain people is different. Like how you told me that with lowkey no emotions or affection. It was bland.”
“But what if-“
“Yo who’s telling you I love you. And why are you suddenly asking me these?” Rakai said loud enough for the whole class to turn their heads to the pair.
“Can you two keep it down with your confessions and focus on the lesson” India Love shouted from across the classroom. The two immediately put an end to the conversation.
A few minutes later.
“Is this about Tota?”
“Forget about it Rakai. It’s nothing.”
“Speaking about Tota.”
Ray sighed. He had to brace himself for Rakai’s usual gossip.
“I saw him hanging out with Sierra this morning, they were walking REALLY close to each other on their way to the canteen.”
Ray’s heart dropped. This shouldn’t have bothered him. He parted his lips but nothing came out. He needed to act calm, act normal about his best friend hanging out with other people, with girls.
“W- who’s Sierra?”
“You know, the streamer from Brazil, her channel is CuteSySierra. I’m pretty sure you know her.”
Oh he knew her. Sierra, the athlete who spoke English but spoke only Portuguese to Tota. She was beautiful, no denying that. She had long black hair, a bit chubby cheek which brought out her dimples when she smiled or even talked. Everyone knew Sierra and many male streamers had claimed her as their ‘ball’. Ray never paid attention to her but now he seemed way too bothered by her.
He bowed his head down. He felt tired. Maybe because of the lack of sleep he got, maybe because he hadn’t eaten yet, maybe because of the excess cologne Rakai had on or maybe because he did not want Tota to be with Sierrra. But it was certain, Ray felt tired.
“Ray, you okay bro?”
“Rakai”
“Yes?”
“I am con-“ I am confused? I need help?
Ray wanted to tell Rakai, but he did not know what exactly he wanted to tell Rakai. It was too much.
“I am going to the toilet.” He got up and left before Rakai could even process what just happened.
Ray kept walking down the hallway, no idea where he was going, he just needed air, time to think. He walked into a dark classroom in a less crowded place. He felt dizzy, his emotions were everywhere.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Ray lock in, it’s not a big deal” It was. He knew it was to him.
Before he could give himself another motivational sentence. He heard it.
A familiar voice.
“Ray?”
He turned on his flashlight to see Tota in the corner of the classroom.
Tota was sitting on a desk, he seems to be fixing his broken mic.
Before he could process what was going on-
“BEEP-BEEP-BEEP” It was the lockdown alarm.
Fuck
“Streamers, we are in a lockdown, make sure to be in a classroom, the doors are about to be locked. Stay put while we take things under control” Kai cenat voice pierced through the speakers in the classrooms and hallways.
They heard the door click lock.
It was Ray and Tota in a classroom with no light but their flashlights.