Chapter Text
Azula was three the first time her father hit her. It was one of the memories that lingered in the back of her mind no matter what else was going on. This was when it was still believable that her mother and father were in love. Still believable to outsiders at least. The slap so hard it felt like her neck had broken had been provoked by her breaking her mother’s vase. She remembered the tears springing to her eyes which had only made things worse. “You’re pathetic. Crying over a small slap” he had sneered over her small trembling form.
Azula was 6 the first time her father burnt her. By now Zu-Zu was 8 and she was used to the acrid smell of burning flesh. The burns that would litter his arms from the cigarettes that would be put out on him were normal. But he hadn’t burnt her before. She had learned by now that being perfect was the way to survive around her father. So Azula was perfectly well behaved to the point even her teachers found it suspicious. But she had made a mistake by asking Ozai if her uncle could go to the yearly parent teacher conference in place of him. Her mother was rarely let out of the house and she knew he wouldn’t risk allowing her to leave.
So 6 year old Azulas solution? Her uncle could go talk to her teacher. That way her father wouldn’t have to be bothered and more importantly potentially risk hearing about the fact that Azula had friends now. Friends were still a foreign concept to the young girl but she supposed Mai and Ty Lee could be classified as friends. However when she proposed this idea her father had gotten angry. Angrier than she had seen even Zuko make him. It was the first time in a long time she had let fear be shown on her face. Then he was turned on their traditional flame stove and shoving her hands onto it without a word. Her hands were still small enough to fit on one stovetop and she remembered the pain coursing through her. Azula didn’t bring up the possibility of her uncle going in his place ever again.
Azula was eight when she found her mother dead on the kitchen floor. She had just returned from was possibly the best school day so far. Mai had brought homemade mochi which Azula technically wasn’t supposed to have. Her father had begun supervising her martial arts training and had been very focused on her weight. But she had eaten two pieces along with an extra lunch packed by Ty Lees older sister and it had made her feel full for the first time in months. Then Mai had agreed to bring Azula to her archery class the next day. Azula remembered the almost odd feeling of a smile on her face.
Then with 10 year old Zuko walking right behind her Azula was faced with the sight of her mother hanging from a noose made of scarves. She remembered the way Ursas eyes were shut and that she was bleeding from her head. Zuko had screamed and then cried and he went to call 911 on Ursas cracked phone on counter. Azula can still hear the sickening crack of Zukos head being smashed against the door frame behind them. She had stayed still. Quiet. When Zuko woke up Azula was sitting next to his bed and neither of them mentioned the bruises around her neck. Ursas name was only uttered in whispers from then on.
Azula has never believed her mother committed suicide.
Azula was the same age when she watched a blowtorch get held to her brother’s face for accusing her father of murdering Ursa. She was the one who had to drag her older brother down the street, call a car, and then take him to Uncle Iroh. She stayed just long enough after the initial healing to hear Zuko and Iroh argue over whether or not to send them both to child services. Azula remembered hearing Zuko raise his voice for the second time in her life. He had screamed with his voice still hoarse “I have to stay for Azula!”Azula was 8 when she realized her brother loved her.
Azula was 10 the first time her father touched her inappropriately.
Azula was 12 the first time her raped her.
Azula was 14 when Mai and Zuko first kissed and she was struck with the idea of Mai leaving her. Mai and Ty Lee were the only positive constants in her life. She had fought with Mai’s until finally the words ripped out of her about how Mai leaving her would damage her beyond control. It never left her how the flicker of pity on Mai’s face was one of the only times she got to see true emotion on her face.
Azula was 15 when she told a small harmless joke about her father touching her had slipped out during a sleepover with Mai and Ty Lee. Two days later she was in the back of the car with Zuko with a social worker named Piando. She knew Mai and Ty Lee knew that she and Zuko were both being abused. And Ozai knew they knew and he made it very clear to their parents that he would ruin their lives if they so much as breathed a whisper of it. But the idea of Azula being exposed to that from her own father had sent both Mai and Ty Lee off the edge. They had risked the CPS call and now Azula and Zukos lives had been upended.