Chapter Text
Wade is an asshole. It’s not news to anyone who knows him.
He loves to fuck people up, especially when money is involved. He’s never claimed to be a hero, and despite what Vanessa wanted, the dream of becoming an Avenger was more for her sake than any other bullshit reasons he could come up with.
What Wade is trying to say is that he isn’t an Avenger or an official X-Man, so no, he’s not standing on the edge of an active volcano like some shit for brains superhero about to have it out with a monologuing supervillain because he’s trying to save the world.
He’s standing on the edge of an active volcano because if he wasn’t, then Logan or Laura would be here instead, and he’s a selfish dickhead who kind of loves them so much it hurts, so... Yeah.
He looks down into the bubbling lava, the skin of his face burning and regenerating even several hundred feet above the red death-liquid. His suit has already been crispified, blowing away like Spiderman at the end of Infinity Wars, so it’s just his naked ass for all the world to see if anyone is bothering to watch.
The TVA might be, but let’s be honest, the file they have on Wade has way more incriminating stuff than him standing in the buff on the edge of a crater in the middle of Hawaii.
In his hands is a little box; plain, ordinary, and full of the most destructive force in the universe since Thanos’ gauntlet. A device so deadly that apparently, it’s only spoken about in roundabout ways throughout the known galaxies, like a certain transphobic author’s favorite villain.
Wade had found it in a thrift store on 14th Avenue and purchased it for two dollars. It looks like a harmonica, and he thought it would be the perfect present for Logan’s 212th birthday.
Boy, had he been wrong!
“Well, shit,” Wade sighs as he hears the death harmonica give off a warning hum.
It’s been doing that more often as the timer counts down.
Oh, yes, he forgot to mention the timer. In five minutes, the entire world is going to end if he doesn’t get his cute little ass in gear and do like Arnold at the end of Terminator 2.
This was not how he wanted to spend his Thursday afternoon. But to understand that, we have to go back four months in time, to the day that Logan Howlett changed everything.
*Four Months Ago*
The bedside alarm is making quaint tinkling sounds, little bells that gently signal it’s time to wake up. Wade groans and pulls the blanket over his head.
Beside him, warm and toasty like the world’s best living teddy bear, Logan sighs. His arms tighten around Wade’s chest, squeezing him firmly and nearly cracking a rib or two.
“Th’ alarm’s on yer side,” Logan grumbles into his ear, breath warm on the back of his neck. His voice is deep with sleep, a low growl that sends shudders down Wade’s back.
Another little tinkle goes off, joined by a flute and some kind of stringed instrument.
“I like the sound of it,” Wade says, snuggling deeper into his pillow.
Drums start to join the chorus, and the volume rises slightly.
“Turn it off,” Logan orders.
One of his hands leaves Wade’s waist and tugs the blanket back down to their shoulders.
Wade sighs and swats at the little device on the bedside table blindly. He ends up smacking a water bottle onto the floor, then a tube of lip balm. The lamp clatters to the ground before he finds the little alarm that’s now blaring horns and trumpets and a whole symphony of wake the fuck up.
The silence that follows is glorious.
“Why are we getting up before the ass crack of dawn?” Wade groans, trying to pull the blankets back up.
Logan huffs a laugh as he easily prevents Wade from burrowing back under.
“Because you promised you would come with me on a hike to watch the sunrise,” he says, cuddling a bit closer to Wade’s side and kissing his shoulder.
“We’re in the middle of Nowhere, Canada. There could be Canadian banjo players,” Wade whines, tugging uselessly at the blankets.
“I’ll protect you from any banjo players,” Logan whispers into his ear.
He moves his hips, morning wood pressing against Wade’s backside.
“Oh, hello,” Wade murmurs, immediately stopping the blanket tug-of-war and pressing back into Logan’s hold.
“I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” Logan nibbles on Wade’s earlobe.
Getting dicked-down by the Wolverine at oh-dark-thirty?
Wade throws the blankets aside completely and turns into Logan’s arms, giving himself up to the man of his dreams.
*
Getting dicked-down may have been worth crawling out of bed before dawn, but Wade is still unhappy about traipsing up the nearest hill in the predawn dark.
Logan holds his hand through the rough parts of the trek, guiding him over stones and across iced-over streams.
It’s only October, but holy shitballs, it’s already so fucking cold!
“Peanut!” Wade finally whines as they come across a fallen tree, perfect for sitting his ass down on. “I require more incentive to keep going.”
He crosses his arms to emphasize his point and ignores Logan’s sigh.
“Sweetheart, we’re almost there,” Logan promises, keeping his voice patient despite Wade’s antics.
“In-cen-tive,” Wade replies, because he’s a little shit, and if Logan is going to have him climbing mountains in the dark, he needs kisses and snuggles and possibly a blowjob.
Logan comes back to sit next to him, the tree creaking ominously under his weight.
“Wade,” Logan says, his tone all gentle rumbles. “Get your ass up. Now. Or the only incentives you’ll be getting for the next week are my claws up your ass.”
“Kinky.”
Logan grins with his teeth.
“And the only showers you’ll get will be cold.”
Well… That’s just not fair, is it?
“Fiiiinnne,” he grumbles, bumping shoulders with Logan. “But you owe me.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Logan says, and pulls him to his feet before he can delay any longer.
It hasn’t snowed yet, but the air is frigid and damp. Wade has no doubt they’ll be making their way back downhill in a snowstorm, and if his balls actually freeze off, he’s never going to let Logan forget it.
Logan’s pace picks up as false dawn lightens the sky. He reaches back without looking and Wade takes his hand, allowing their gloved fingers to entwine as he’s pulled forward.
For all of Wade’s discomfort, he keeps his mouth shut. It’s been almost four years since Logan came into Wade’s life, and this is the first time they’ve been able to get away, just the two of them, for Logan’s birthday.
Last year, they had held a small party at the mansion with all their friends, both X-Men and others, and it had been…nice. A little awkward still, but quiet and intimate in the way Logan preferred. They hadn’t all moved into the mansion at that point, and it had been a little glimpse of what they could look forward to in the future.
But Wade and Logan had been surrounded the entire time by others, unable to be alone until they went to bed that night, and Wade had decided he didn’t like that.
So…
Wade is very thankful that his past self had made certain to block off a big chunk of time for the future so it wouldn’t happen again.
“Thanks, past self!” he silently praises. “Also, eat a dick! Why are we in the middle of BFE, Canada?”
His past self doesn’t answer, of course, though Wade wouldn’t be surprised if he did. Stranger things have happened!
Instead, he takes comfort that their destination seems to be in sight, the top of the ridge looming ahead.
“Just a bit longer, Bub,” Logan assures, squeezing Wade’s hand again.
Wade keeps his mouth closed and reminds himself that it’s almost Logan’s birthday, and if he wants to spend it freezing their asses off in the middle of the wilderness at Oh-God-thirty, then Wade will simply take notes and come up with an appropriate revenge for his own birthday next month.
Slowly, the path Logan is following starts to turn into unstable rocks, and Wade keeps his focus on not breaking anything. Not that it would matter much, he’d probably heal by the time Logan reached him, but breaks hurt!
Despite what people think, he isn’t a masochist. He likes his warm sweaters and comfy pajama pants, and pain play can be fun if done right, but that’s for special occasions. Mostly, he’s just thankful he doesn’t get blisters anymore, because his feet would be killing him by now if he did!
Logan tugs on his hand and pulls him the last few feet, not even out of breath, the bastard. Wade wheezes, forcing his lungs to suck down as much cold mountain air as they can, when Logan wraps his arms around his waist.
“Look up,” he rumbles into Wade’s ear.
Wade does, still panting, and then makes a sound like he’s swallowed his tongue. Logan laughs behind him, squeezing him a bit tighter, as the northern lights dance above, swirls of green, purples and yellows moving to their own soundtrack, unobscured by the canopy of evergreens below.
“Holy shit,” Wade breathes, finally taking in the rest of the view.
They’re high above the world, surrounded by nothing but wilderness and the lights above. As far as he can see, their little cabin way off in the distance is the only habitation around.
“How the hell do you know about this place?” Wade whispers.
He may be from Canada, but he doesn’t think he’s ever seen such a beautiful, desolate sight.
“I was on my own for a long time back in my old world,” Logan says softly, only a tinge of sadness coloring his tone. “Sometimes it got too much, being the Wolverine, having everyone hate me. So, I would get lost for a few years, come out to the wilderness and drink myself stupid before I had to return for more booze. I figured, the Logan from this world would have gone through some shit, too, and probably had something similar.”
Wade puts his hands over Logan’s arms, for once content to let his silence speak for him.
“Was it worth it?” Logan asks a few minutes later, amusement turning the lips against Wade’s cheek into a smile.
“Worth freezing my balls off to be held by the love of my life while the sky gives us a Pride Party just for us? Hell yes!” he agrees, turning to capture those smiling lips with his own. “But also, my feet are numb, so be prepared for some gnarly frostbite when we get back. You may have to cut them off, make things easier.”
“Jesus,” Logan laughs, resting his head against Wade’s shoulder as he chuckles.
Wade grins, checking off “Make Logan laugh,” from his to-do list for the day.
They stand there for a long time, Wade comfortable in Logan’s arms despite the aforementioned frostbite.
Giant, fluffy flakes start to land on them, little pinpricks of cold that have Wade shivering despite his many layers.
Logan steps back, slowly unwinding his arms, but Wade keeps his eyes on the heavens for a bit longer. What’s a bit of cold and pain when you have a view like this?
Then he hears Logan grunt, and he whips around.
That’s his Peanut’s “I’m about to do something crazy,” grunt.
Logan is kneeling on one knee, looking at Wade like he’s the most beautiful, impressive thing in the world, the northern lights be damned.
In his hand is a tiny black box, dotted by snowflakes that quickly melt, leaving shining dewdrops of water that reflect the heavens like infinity stones.
“What –“ Wade whispers.
Logan opens the box, revealing the expected ring cushioned by red velvet.
There’s something about the ring… the way the light reflects off its perfectly smooth finish…
“Marry me,” Logan says softly, eyes soft and fond as he gazes up at Wade.
Wade, who can’t seem to catch his breath, his chest feeling tighter than it has in years.
Logan – Logan wants to marry him?
Marry him?
“Me?” he manages to gasp out, his mouth suddenly dry. His throat clicks as he swallows.
“No,” Logan growls. “The other asshole who came to the wilderness with me. Yes, of course you, dumbass!”
Wade can’t help the giggle that escapes, covering his mouth with the hand that isn’t reaching out to touch the ring.
“Really?” he asks.
He tries to ignore the voices screaming in the back of his mind. The ones that have been with him since Francis, shouting all his insecurities, trying to point out all the terrible, horrible things he’s done and will do and wow, they really need to shut the fuck up now!
Logan pulls the glove from Wade’s hand gently, allowing him to touch the frigid metal.
It’s adamantium.
How the fuck had Logan got enough adamantium to make a ring?
“Well?” Logan asks, his brow furrowed, as if there is any way in hell that Wade would be stupid enough to turn down a marriage proposal from The Wolverine! From Logan!
“Of course I’ll marry you, you big jerk!” Wade manages.
Logan is up in an instant, catching Wade in his arms and swinging him around as though he weighs nothing, hooting like a wild man.
Wade laughs at his reaction, letting himself be manhandled until he’s back on his feet, Logan slipping the ring onto his finger delicately, as though Wade is something breakable.
“Where did you get this?” Wade can’t help but ask, his breath coming out in clouds of white, his lashless eyes blinking against the snow.
“Magneto helped Laura cut off my big toe,” Logan answers, grinning happily.
“Say what?” Wade asks.
This man… He did not just say…
“Magneto and Laura cut off my left big toe a few months ago, when you had that mission with Storm and Gambit in Loo-ees-iana.” His lips twitch as he mocks the Cajun’s accent. “It grew back just fine,” he assures.
“Oh my God, I love you,” Wade squeals and lunges forward to capture his fiancé in a fierce kiss. “You gave me a toe ring!” he sighs happily.
“It’s not a toe ring,” Logan protests, but there’s no fight to his words.
“It’s a ring made from your toe. It’s a toe ring! I love it, they’ll have to cut my own finger off to get it!” he says fiercely.
Logan starts to laugh again, great big guffaws that shake his entire body and bring tears to his eyes. It’s the sort of laughter that ends in snorts, and Wade can’t help but giggle at him.
He loves this silly, crazy man!
“Oh my God, I’m engaged!” Wade shouts into the wilderness, his words echoing back along with a flock of startled birds.
They stay there for nearly half an hour, watching the sun rise, trading kisses and giggles and holding hands like teenagers.
When they finally head back down, Wade jumps on Logan’s back, nearly sending them both careening down the mountain. Logan growls at him even as he secures his feet with his hands.
Wade may be higher than the moon right now, but he wasn’t kidding about his feet freezing. His hiking boots had been on sale, and even though Logan had warned him, they were Care Bears! How was he to resist? Next time, he’s letting his fiancé pick out his shoes.
It’s so perfect, Wade can’t help but think that something terrible is about to happen.