Amaranthine

(adj.) - undying, immortal; eternally beautiful

Excited whispers filled the air, the mumbled words swelling to a droning rumble, broken only by girlish giggles. He felt his eye twitch, the sounds already grating on his nerves, part of him wanting nothing more than to snap at them, telling them to shut it. His patience was running thin, fingers drumming fretfully against his thigh. Why Kaien didn’t put an end to this, he would never understand.

To him, there was no merit in letting the Day and Night Class meet like this, nothing achieved except for a star-like admiration towards the Night Class. Which was only creating more of a rift than anything else. On the one side, there were the humans of the Day Class, admiring and even worshiping the Night Class, putting them on a pedestal, making them seem unreachable. On the other side, there were the vampires of the Night Class, most of whom simply masked their annoyance, hiding it underneath way too practiced masks of benign smiles. Neither side really interacting with the other, only ever watching from afar, sharing accommodations yet living completely past each other.

Shaking his head to clear it of those thoughts, he looked around. All around him were his fellow students, most of them girls, chattering excitedly, reminding him once again more of geese than anything else. It made him recall all the reasons he usually preferred to stay as far away as possible from gaggles of teenage girls. He simply didn’t have the patience for them; never had, really. 

With a sigh he massaged the bridge of his nose, trying to keep his temper in check. It wouldn’t do to lose it now, wouldn’t do to lash out against them, no matter how annoying he found every single one of them. He felt himself reminded of a similar scenario, where he had been surrounded by simpering girls and women, each and every one testing his patience more than the one before, as they clamored for attention. 

Finally, the doors opened, the noise around him skyrocketing immediately. His eye twitched again, as did his fingers, itching to make them shut up. His head pounded, the squeals of delight hurting his ears and making the pain in his head throb. Next to him, Yuki was trying to keep what little order the gaggle had, the chattering geese all but shoving her aside. Cracking his knuckles, he turned towards them, ignoring the appearance of the yearned for Night Class behind him. He glared at the girls, delighted in the way they took a fearful step back the moment they noticed him staring at them.

The soundscape dropped in volume, returning to excited whispers rather than loud, grating squeals. He watched them for another moment, making sure they behaved, before turning back around. “Kiryū is in an especially bad temper today,” someone told the person next to them, not even trying to be quiet. He did not react to it, though, instead watching the Night Class with keen eyes.

Most of them wore friendly, yet distanced smiles, striding through the masses as quickly as possible, without making it seem hurried. Zero had to admit, it was a talent in and of itself. He let his gaze wander, conscious of keeping an eye on the Aido heir while also watching the others. Shiki, sticking close to Ichijo, who wore a comforting smile, Toya winking charmingly at the few boys, Souen following along rather aloof, with Kain looking like he’d rather be everywhere except there.

Following behind, enticing sighs and swoons everywhere around, was Kuran. Kaname. He wore a soft, gentle smile, warm red-brown eyes scanning the crowd for a moment, holding himself with perfect poise and grace. Not a single hair seemed to be out of place, framing his face in soft waves, moving gently with the wind. Long strands whirled around as another gust of wind played with them, elegant fingers brushing them back, keeping them out of his face. He looked up, red eyes sparkling with laughter, badly hidden behind a spark of annoyance.

Zero blinked, once, twice, watching as Kaname followed the others, waving to Yuki as he passed her by. She beamed, cheeks reddening as she returned the gesture. It made Kaname smile, eyes softening ever so slightly. Fingers curled into fists, nails digging into the palm of his hand. The sharp bite was welcome, taking his attention away from the scene in front of him, making him focus on it instead. It was fitting, really, the physical pain at least momentarily more prominent in his mind than the emotional one. 

Taking another deep breath, he turned away, facing the Day Class students once more. For a moment he felt a lingering gaze on his back, just a few seconds, feeling almost heavy. Then it was gone again, its absence even heavier. Staring down at the students, Zero heard the doors close behind him, finally marking the end of this draining charade. He should have been glad, yet, like any other day, it left him feeling empty.

Part of him had pondered, more than once, asking Kaien to find someone else to do this. To get some other poor soul to put up with the fools the Day Class made out of themselves. It would have been an easy thing to do, and Kaien would certainly respect his request. Yet the other, stronger part, was glad about this opportunity. Never, under any circumstances, would he give up this one time a day where he could see him. Where he could recall old times, no matter how much it hurt. After all, it was a feeling he had gotten used to.

He watched as the Day Class finally left, letting silence reign once more as they slowly returned to their own dorm rooms. After all the giggles, laughter and screaming that still rang in his ears, silence was a welcome companion. Taking another deep breath, Zero turned on his heel, beginning the daily routine of his security round for the night. He let his eyes roam his surroundings, looking for any human trying to sneak in for yet another peak of their favorite classmates, instead of staying in their rooms.

At least for this part, he mused, tiring as it was, the headmaster could find a different person to do it. Perhaps another retired hunter. Or even a trainee who needed some additional experience. Then again, it was one more chance for him to see him, small as it was, and at least gave him something to spend his night with. Apart from it, there was not much he could do at night, so even a dull task like this was better than doing nothing. Anything was better than doing nothing.

Shaking his head, trying to clear it of all unnecessary thought, he continued on, leaving the dorm gate behind, instead heading for the gardens. He loved them, making them easily one of his favorite places at the Academy, next to the lake and the stables. Zero let his gaze wander, taking in the beauty in front of him. Flowers swayed gently with the breeze, catching the last light of day. Trees rustled as the wind played with their leaves, the soft murmur a blessing to his ears.

Between the beauty of the gardens stood the main building, towering over him like an old mansion. Lanterns illuminated the path, a warm, welcoming glow. People in their best dress walked past him, men in fashionable suits, women in newfangled western dresses. Only a few were clad more traditional, with just the occasional Kimono being seen in between. They talked amongst themselves as they filtered out, spreading through the gardens. A warm hand came to rest on his arm, a gentle smile directed at him, red-brown eyes sparkling as he turned around.

His hands clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms. He took a deep breath, letting the cool air fill his lungs until they burned, before slowly exhaling again. Repeating it once, twice, the images in front of him slowly vanished again, leaving behind the empty pathway towards the school building. Gritting his teeth, he continued on, forcing himself to focus only on the task at hand.

Looking up, he found the one illuminated window, marking the classroom where the vampires were currently at. Momentarily, he reached out with his senses, feeling the auras filling the air. Standing out between the others was Kaname’s, a calm power, its strength carefully measured, just enough to show his status, yet not enough to be threatening. Something that had taken Zero himself ages to master and yet seemed to come naturally to Kaname.

Averting his gaze, he instead scanned the surroundings, watching a squirrel as it scurried over the lawn before disappearing in a tree. The crunch of a twig snapping made him turn around, eyes narrowing in the general direction the sound had come from. Stalking forward, he already felt another headache approaching. Half-hidden behind a tree, trying to be as discreet as possible, he found a girl, clutching a small camera to her chest.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” he all but growled, watching with a bit of satisfaction as she flinched, stepping out from behind the trunk. She was still wearing her school uniform, a small twig stuck to her skirt. Zero almost snorted in amused disbelief as she tried to hide the camera from him, the headache only intensifying. He wordlessly held out his hand, arching one eyebrow.

“I didn’t take any pictures. I promise,” the girl hurried to say, clutching it even tighter. “I’m sorry, Kiryū-kun, it was just a dumb dare, but I promise, I didn’t do anything.”

He didn’t reply, just kept his hand outstretched, daring her to disobey. She hesitated, making him want to groan in annoyance. “You can get it at the headmaster’s office tomorrow,” he finally said when she didn’t show any signs of moving anytime soon. “But you know the rules.” 

Hanging her head, the girl grudgingly placed her camera in his still waiting hand, a pout on her lips. “Good. Now get to your dorm. And don’t make me repeat myself.” She sent a last glance towards the device in his hand, before darting away, clearly unhappy. He looked after her for a moment, shaking his head in disbelief, before, with another sigh, he put the camera away and continued walking. Hoping against hope that there would not be another encounter.

~*~

Standing on top of the school building, overlooking the grounds, he was both relieved and disappointed that there had not been anything else out of the ordinary. The students had all stayed in their own dormitories, no one foolish enough to be caught by him or Yuki. His attention snapped to the girl standing next to him, unsuccessfully trying to hide a yawn. 

Her eyes were bleary, her hair messy from the wind blowing through it. She had her thin arms wrapped around herself, trying to keep as much warmth as possible as she looked around. She had to squint, her eyes not made to see in the dark. Just a human, after all. A normal human girl, like so many others at the school. And still, somehow, she had managed to catch Kaname’s attention. Why? What was there about her that made her so special?

He had asked himself that question many times, wondering about it almost daily. Yet an answer never came, no matter how long he watched her. She was a clumsy, helpless, little girl with too much confidence in herself but without the abilities to back it up. She was sickeningly optimistic, and nauseatingly cheerful. Bossy and nosy, claiming it to be just concern.

Looking at her, he didn’t even see anything especially appealing about her. She was thin and unassuming, lacking the sophisticated grace the Souen heiress possessed, or the classy aloofness the Toya girl carried herself with. She didn’t even have the wit of Wakaba-san, that made her stand out. Really, there was nothing even half-way fascinating or eye-catching about her. But still… Kaname was, for some reason he couldn’t fathom, interested in her. 

Swallowing the unhappy rumble trying to leave his throat, Zero went back to scanning the school grounds. The night was illuminated by just the stars and a thin crescent moon, the silvery light just enough for him. He enjoyed the hours of darkness, the cool light of the moon not stinging in his eyes, his skin not constantly itching under the burning heat of the sun. 

Perhaps, he mused, he should have insisted on being put in the Night Class, instead of giving in to Kaien’s pleas of visiting the Day Class. There, he probably wouldn’t have had to put up with so many annoyances. He would have been closer to Kaname, even, having more reason to talk to him. And still, he had agreed when Kaien had asked him to join the humans. Even though he knew very well that he was no human, had not been for longer than he could remember.

Then again, it might have been for the better, a small voice in his head remarked. Had he been in the Night Class, his temper might have been even worse. Around humans, he knew to restrain himself, to not slip up. Around vampires, he didn’t have to be that cautious, didn’t have to worry about revealing himself, even if he were to lash out. Perhaps that had been part of the reason why Kaien had not wanted him to join his newly established Night Class. Perhaps it had simply been a safety measure.

“-ro? Are you listening to me? Zero?” Yuki’s nagging voice drew him out of his musings, made him turn towards her. She stood there, arms crossed in front of her chest, looking up at him reproachfully. For how long had she been talking? Judging by the crease between her brows, it must have been quite some time, while he had been lost in thoughts.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” If he was being honest, he didn’t quite care much about what she had to say, didn’t want to listen to her grating voice longer than necessary. Especially not during the calm of the night, the one time of day where he felt somewhat at peace, felt at home.

She rolled her eyes, putting her hands on her hips as she clicked her tongue. “Really, Zero, where are you with your thoughts today? Your mind seems even more scattered than usual.” 

He just shrugged in response, not really bothering to answer that particular question. It was none of her business, after all. She was neither friend, nor family, just the daughter of an old acquaintance - or was he even a friend? Blinking, he had to admit that she was at least right with one thing; his mind seemed especially scattered, even more so than was normal for him by now.

Looking back at Yuki, he found her rolling her eyes at him once more, shaking her head in exasperation. “Whatever. Suit yourself.” She crossed her arms again, looking up at him. “You know, you’d have more friends if you stopped being such a jerk. It’s no wonder people don’t want to talk to you, it’s a hassle if you’re not even replying to questions.”

Listening to her rant, it was way too tempting to just blank out her voice again, to sink back into the mess that was his mind, see where it would take him this time. Yet he did not, swallowing once more the urge to tell a person to shut it, instead interrupting her with a question of his own. “What was it you originally wanted, Yuki?”

Zero was proud of himself, the annoyance he felt not yet making its way into his voice. She halted in the middle of her sentence, looking at him quizzically for a moment before shaking her head. “Forget it. It was not important, anyways. Oh, look, seems like their lessons are over.” 

With that, she turned away, ignoring him in favor of the group of vampires leaving the school building. Shrugging it off, he followed her gaze, taking in the Night Class students. Leading them, talking amiably with some of his classmates, was Ichijo, the friendly smile on his lips even recognizable on this distance. Following him, apparently lost in discussions, were Aido, Kain and Souen, their words hushed enough to not carry all the way up to the roof.

Shiki and Toya were next, both silently following along, looking tired. He remembered them returning from a photo shoot just shortly before school had started; it didn’t come as a surprise to him that those two were more exhausted than their classmates, who hadn’t had to work before school. His mind stopped in its tracks the moment he took notice of Kaname, observant eyes flashing towards the roof for a second, looking directly at him despite the dark.

Even at the distance, Zero saw him arch an elegant eyebrow, the look in his eyes turning soft the moment he laid eyes at Yuki. A surge of pain went through his body, nails biting deeply into his own skin, drawing blood. It made his heart ache, the pain enough to drown out the sting on his palms and the burn of his lip as too sharp teeth sank into it, trying to contain the bitter smile tugging on it. He should have been used to it by now, should have stopped feeling the hurt so deeply each and every time it happened. Yet it still pained him as if it was the very first time.

The taste of blood startled him out of his thoughts, made him return to his senses. He swallowed his anguish, swallowed the anger raging under the surface, pushing it away for the moment. Pushing it away like he always did, knowing that it would at one point all come crashing down on him. He caught another dribble of blood on his tongue, prodding his split lip for a moment, sealing it as he did so.

He heard Yuki sigh happily as he turned away, heard the slightly hastened heartbeat, the way her pulse sped up as Kaname looked at her. It made him sick, made him want to put his hands over his ears just so he wouldn’t have to hear it. Made him want to scratch out his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the way they looked at each other. He needed to get away. Away from Yuki. Away from Kaname. Away as far as possible.

Without another word he left, leaving the girl alone on the roof as he crossed it. Standing at the edge, Zero looked down for a moment. Contemplating. Then he took another step, letting himself fall. The wind pulled at his clothes, at his hair, and he closed his eyes. Enjoyed the moment, the instant where falling felt like flying. Weightless. Free. A small, sardonic smile curled his lips as he felt the cushioned impact of the ground, shaking his body and leaving behind a slight throb.

Opening his eyes he sat up, getting back to his feet. He dusted himself off as he started walking again, making his way through the gardens. He avoided the Night Class students as they returned to their dorm, instead heading towards the woods surrounding the school grounds. The moment he reached the edge of the forest, he ran. Faster and faster, forcing himself to go as fast as possible, the branches of the trees cutting his skin as he sped past them, the cold air of the night filling his lungs.

The scenery around him blurred, trees and bushes becoming one in the dark as his legs carried him farther, bringing more distance between himself and everything, everyone else. His mind blissfully blank, thoughts carried away by the wind, if only for the moment. His eyes stung, though if from tears or simply the wind he didn’t look into.

~*~

When he returned to the headmaster’s residence in the early morning, he found Kaien sitting in the living room, a steaming cup of tea in his hands. There was a soft blanket wrapped around his shoulders, keeping him warm. He smiled when he saw Zero, waving him over. Grudgingly, he complied, making his way towards the blond hunter, taking a seat opposite of him when offered. His whole body ached, both from the cold as well as the strain of running for hours, yet he felt more calm. Exhausted.

“You’re back late,” Kaien stated, pouring another cup of tea. Zero didn’t respond; there really was no need to. So he just sat there, waiting quietly for the other man to continue with whatever it was he wanted to say. 

“Yuki told me that you just vanished shortly before the end of your rounds.” Kaien’s voice was neutral, carefully void of any form of accusation as he placed the cup of tea in front of him. He hummed softly, taking it into his hands. Its warmth seeped into his body, made his cold fingers tingle. “What happened, Zero?”

He looked up then, meeting the other’s eyes. “Just needed some air,” he told him, his voice sounding tired, surprising even himself. It sounded weary, worn-out, old. Kaien’s gaze softened, making him feel even worse. A sigh tumbled off his lips as he rubbed one hand across his face, tension he didn’t even notice dissipating, leaving him depleted. 

“Zero..?”

“I’m tired, Kaien.” The words left him before he could even think about it, true as they were. He sighed again, letting himself finally slump over. “I’m so damn tired of all of this. Isn’t it enough already?” His question was met with silence, his vis-à-vis watching him with a sad expression, gold-brown eyes filled with sorrow.

It made Zero laugh softly despite himself, a rough sound, too close to breaking. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, Kaien. It’s been so long and there still is no end in sight. It surely made me understand why so many old vampires slowly lose their minds if they don’t put themselves to sleep.”

Kaien just nodded, averting his eyes to look into his tea instead. His fingers tightened around the cup, pressing harshly against the porcelain as he seemed to think about his next words. “It’s just… you came here because you didn’t know how to spend your time… you were mostly bored back then, but when he got here with the other vampires, I thought you looked quite happy.”

He chuckled again, shaking his head slightly. “I was happy then, having finally found him again.” His smile turned bitter again, more a sardonic grin than anything else. “But he doesn’t remember… never does, while I can’t forget. He’s a different person again, another version of himself. He’s living his life, Kaien… and perhaps it’s another one where I don’t have any place in it.”

Zero paused to take a sip of tea, eyes glazing over, stinging with unshed tears. His heart ached, longing for things long in the past. Not for the first time he wondered whether it would ever be over, whether there would come a time where he was allowed to rest. He felt his voice break with his next words, silent tears running down his cheeks. “I’m tired, Kaien. I just want to sleep.” Sleep and never wake up.

~*~

Lying on his bed, feeling empty and drained, he allowed his mind to wander. Allowed himself to conjure up images of old, happy times. How long had it been since they had first met? Zero couldn’t quite remember, had stopped counting the years ages ago. Still he was sure that it had long since turned from centuries into millenia. Though how many thousands of years, he couldn’t say. He didn’t particularly care, either. All he knew was that it had been too long. Much too long.

Perhaps he was slowly, finally, losing his mind. Perhaps it was time for him to stop, before his love could fully turn into obsession. How, though? He blinked, thinking back to the times he had tried to end it before. The first time just after having lost Kaname, his blood still warm on his hands. The lifeless bodies of the humans who had taken him away from him all around, empty eyes staring at him as he slit his own throat. He had woken up there, fully healed, only hours later. The same after he had taken poison, or after he had stabbed his heart with a silver knife.

He had even tried putting himself to sleep, only to learn that he had slept not more than a decade, yet found he couldn’t fall asleep again afterwards. No matter what he did, his yearned-for rest was denied. So he had looked for a purpose, for anything to do with his too long life. He had learned and worked, moved and traveled, trying to fill the aching emptiness inside of him. Still the only times when he had been truly happy, when he could forget the never-ending agony, was when he was with Kaname.

No one else had ever managed to fill this void inside of him, had made him feel whole. No one else had ever managed to leave his heart aching so much, forcing him to watch him die over and over again. And still, even knowing the pain it would bring, he always waited for him to be reborn again, to find him again and spend Kaname’s lifetime at his side. An eternal cycle, filled with both joy and despair, happiness and suffering.

Sometimes he wondered which fate was worse - having to live, remembering all the good times as vividly as the bad ones, with no hope of death, or having to die dozens and hundreds of deaths, only to be reborn again and again without any memory of the life before. He never reached a conclusion, only certain that he wouldn’t wish either on even his worst enemy.

Shaking his head, he pulled himself out of his musings. “There is nothing to be done about it, Zero,” he told himself, nothing but a soft whisper, repeating the words in his mind as he watched a new day dawn. Nothing would change if he let himself wallow in despair. His cursed life would still continue, making every day harder than they had to be. Locking his doubts and sorrows away, he got up. “You can just keep going.”

~*~

It still stung, even months later, no matter how much Zero tried to not let it bother him. To look at this Kaname as a different person, as someone just unfortunately resembling his Kaname. To not think too deeply about how his behavior was still the same, no matter how many lives he lived. It still stung, but he kept it locked away, rebuilding the walls around his heart he had hoped to not need again.

Watching him now, talking softly with Yuki, seeing her blush almost prettily, he willed himself to be happy for him. Willed himself to hope this Kaname, not his Kaname, would have a good life, one he could enjoy. Part of him still hoped, though, hoped without avail that eventually, his Kaname would return. Would remember, just like he did. And until then, he would wait and hope, no matter how much it hurt. Until then, he would busy himself as much as he could.

For starters, he focused on his classes. School in itself was not really a challenge; having lived for millenia, he had acquired a rather vast well of knowledge, as well as the expected life experience. But it kept his mind busy, at least for a few hours a day, and served as a convenient way of brushing up on that knowledge and keeping it up to date. There was so much going on everywhere all around the world, even after all the time he had lived, there were still things he didn’t know. 

“It’s fascinating,” he told Kaien one evening as they were sitting in the living room. On the coffee table stood a bottle of fine red wine, the better half of it already gone. Two glasses sat next to it, the red liquid filling them glistening in the dimmed light. 

“What is?” Kaien looked at him with interest, a thin blanket once more wrapped around his shoulders.

“Take the years we’ve known each other. How long’s that now, about a century or already two?” Receiving a short nod, Zero hummed softly before he continued. “How much happened in those hundred, two hundred years, that we didn’t even notice? Sure, the big events that ‘shook the world’, so to speak, we always somehow caught on to. But everything else? There’s so much that I, even now, still have never heard of before.”

He took a sip of his wine, enjoying the mellow taste of it on his tongue as Kaien watched him, a small smile on his lips. “May I take this as approval of my teachers, then?” His question was filled with mirth, the tone light and joking. It made Zero chuckle softly.

“Some of them, at least,” he conceded, smiling slightly himself. “With some of them, I can understand the kids struggling to stay awake during classes. While I might find dry facts about historical events fascinating enough, I’m sure most teenagers would disagree.” In fact, he had heard enough of his classmates complain about it to know with absolute certainty that they did. 

Zero chuckled as Kaien grimaced, obviously already familiar with his student’s dissatisfaction. “So I’ve heard.” Pushing the matter aside for the moment, he then changed the topic, reminiscing in shared memories of the centuries they had known each other over yet another glass of wine.

They had made it a habit to sit together like that at least twice a week, just talking, keeping the topics light. It helped Zero relax, those evenings and nights the only times where he could simply be himself. Where he didn’t have to censor himself, thinking twice about his words and actions. He felt lighter, after those evenings, even if sometimes only for the time it took his mind to wander again.

Another diversion that helped him be at ease could be found at the stables, in the form of a rather temperamental mare by the name of White Lily. She was a devious horse, a menace really, and the students tended to avoid her at all costs. She bit and bucked, ears flat to her head whenever someone dared intrude upon what she considered her space, be it other horses or humans.

Zero loved her, had since his first time seeing her in the pen. She was fierce and wild, yet the most loyal friend one could have once accepted. Often, he could be found with her, either taking his time brushing her coat or taking her out for long rides. Rarely had his mind been as clear as when he was chasing through the forest on Lily’s back, feeling the wind pull at his clothes, at his hair, the cold air biting his skin.

And she always seemed to have fun as well, happily galloping through the woods, going faster and faster until she was almost flying, snorting contently. 

It was during one of those late night rides that his wait unexpectedly came to an end.

The sun had long since set, the moon having taken its rightful place on the firmament. Its silvery light illuminated the night, stars twinkling merrily as they watched over the world. Lily trotted through the woods, the leaf canopy above them gently rustling with the wind. An owl hooted in the distance as mice scrambled for safety. 

The night was mild, even for late summer, the air pleasant on his skin. So when he reached the far side of the lake behind the headmaster’s residence, Zero didn’t hesitate to stay there for a while. He let Lily graze as he sat down on a stone, overlooking the lake. The moon reflected on its surface, soft ripples distorting the image as a gust of wind came up. 

It was peaceful, serene, a moment unaffected by time; whether it had been thousands of years in the past or now in that moment, it was a picture of timeless beauty, never out of place. A comforting sense of familiarity, of belonging. Zero couldn’t help the soft smile spreading over his lips as he sat there, soaking in the ethereal beauty of the scene in front of him.

The rustling sound of steps in the dry undergrowth made him turn around, being too light to belong to Lily. There was movement in the shadows of the trees, a figure slowly emerging from the forest. The dark clothes almost became one with the scenery, while the person themselves stood out like a blood red bloom amidst a sea of white roses. Creamy white skin seemed to glow in the silvery light of the moon, seeming even lighter against the dark hair falling over red-brown eyes.

Lily snorted to his side, hooves stomping somewhat nervously as she watched the person come closer. His own heartbeat went up, sitting unmoving, rooted to his place. Only his eyes still moved, following every careful movement, every elegant step towards where he sat. Dark brown hair, seeming almost black in the night, swayed with every step, captivatingly. 

Blinking, Zero averted his gaze, focusing on his horse instead. She was agitated, restlessly stomping in place, eyes never leaving the newcomer. He got up, placing a calming hand on her neck, gently patting her as he whispered soothing words she wouldn’t even understand. Trying not to think about him being here. Trying not to wonder about the why. 

The steps came to a halt, only a few meters between them, silence falling over the clearing once again. Only Lily’s loud breathing and the rustling of the wind. His heart and mind, both too loud in this quiet. He felt eyes resting on him, unwavering, patient. And he hesitated, fingers tightening against soft fur, the silence stretching as his mind whirled.

Seconds ticked by, Lily getting more and more agitated with every passing moment. Then he felt it as well. The subtle change in the air, a tingle of a threat running down his spine. A faint feeling of danger lurking just beneath the surface of the otherwise calm night. Looking up, he found himself staring directly in a pair of blood-red eyes, glowing ominously in the dark. Beautifully dangerous. 

Zero swallowed against the lump in his throat, tried to beat down the excitement flooding his veins. Despite himself, he took a step forward, towards the ethereal creature occupying most of his mind any waking moment. Kaname . He hesitated, only for a moment.

“Are you okay?,” he asked, his voice soft but firm, surprising himself for a second. No reaction. The other just continued staring at him, eyes glowing red. Hungry. He took a deep breath, trying again. Barely more than a whisper, just loud enough to be carried with the wind. “Kaname?”

This time, vibrant eyes snapped towards his, taking him by surprise. They swirled with thinly concealed power, putting to show what the pureblood usually tried to hide. It was alluring, intoxicating the same way it was threatening. Perfect.

“I’m fine.” The words startled Zero, his initial question almost forgotten again. Kaname’s voice was still smooth, yet a little rougher than usual, betraying his own statement. As if the thirsty glow would not have been enough for that. 

Zero sighed, a small fond yet resigned sound. “Of course,” he mumbled, coming to a halt only steps away from the other man. He was slightly taller, having Kaname lift his head to keep eye contact. This close, the swirling red was even more beautiful, like liquid rubies.

“You are thirsty.” He was stating the obvious, Zero was aware. Yet in that moment, he couldn’t care less. Couldn’t find it in himself to care, even as Kaname’s lips curled into an almost sarcastic grin, showing too sharp canines already protruding. What should have been threatening only served to help him make up his mind.

Looking Kaname directly in the eyes, he smiled gently, softly. Zero’s fingers found the collar of his shirt, loosening the top buttons, exposing his neck. He tilted his head to the side in clear invitation, watching with rapt attention as the other swallowed harshly. “Would you like some?”

There was hesitation, an inner conflict inside of Kaname. His eyes fixated the soft skin of his neck, teeth prodding rosy lips. Still he did not move, swallowing drily again. His voice rough as he spoke. “It’s fine. You don’t need to-”

The rest of his words died on his lips as a single drop of blood quelled from the soft skin of Zero’s neck, leaving a dark path on the almost glowing white skin. Hungry eyes watched as if in trance, his breathing changing, becoming quicker as the sweet, coppery scent wafted through the air.

“Come one,” Zero whispered, withdrawing his hand from his neck, ignoring the small drop of blood stuck to his nail from where he broke his skin. He opened his arms in invitation, tilting his head once again. “Take some.”

It didn’t take more as Kaname crossed the last meter separating them, arms wrapping around Zero’s body to hold him still. A warm tongue darted out, catching the drop of blood before it could stain his collar. He sighed, content, anticipating. Teeth broke his skin, sinking deep. He felt his blood well up, and heard it rushing in his ears. A soft gasp left his lips, the short sting of pain changing into bitter-sweet pleasure. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy this moment.

Kaname hummed softly against his skin, the sound vibrating through his whole body. Reaching up, he let one hand tangle in soft, brown locks, the other resting lightly on surprisingly slim shoulders. Fingers tightened, longing to pull him closer.

The pressure on his neck lessened as sharp teeth slowly withdrew, the wounds closing almost immediately, just enough to stop the bleeding. Zero felt the tongue against his skin once more, lapping up the last drops of blood, swirling around the small punctures almost teasingly. 

When Kaname withdrew, stepping back, Zero felt the chill of the night with a sudden onslaught. His skin still tingled with the feeling of teeth upon it, the ghost of pleasure. His arms felt heavy at his sides, his fingers twitching for the soft touch of hair beneath them. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to push the feelings threatening to bubble up back under. 

Their eyes met again, Kaname’s a vibrant red, burning into his own. Without thinking about it, Zero reached out, thumb gently wiping away a stain of blood from soft, plush lips. He pulled back as if burned the moment he realized, an apology already leaving his mouth before he had even fully processed it. Reprimanding himself for the slip-up. The habit of old days taking over without his approval.

To his surprise, Kaname reached out for him, almost hesitantly. His fingers quivered as they wrapped around his hand, tightening nearly yet not quite bruisingly. Zero could feel Kaname’s pulse hammering under his skin, could hear his heart beating in a frantic, uneven rhythm. His eyes were unfocused, looking at him yet through him. Unseeing and seeing at the same time, pupils blown wide. His breath hitched, a soft gasp leaving trembling lips.

Never before had he seen Kaname like this, with slight tremors running through his body, eyes moving rapidly as if trying to see too many things simultaneously. He felt helpless seeing him in this state. Scared. Another shudder rocked his frame, fingers tightening even more around Zero’s hand, nails scraping skin. His eyelids fluttered, alarming him even more.

Not knowing what else to do, Zero wrapped his arms around him, pulling Kaname closer to himself. He felt him shaking, stiff fingers clinging onto his shirt, almost tearing it. Then, suddenly, he stopped, going slack in his arms as he collapsed against him. A single tear rolled down his cheek, leaving a small dark stain on Zero’s shirt.

He wasn’t sure if he called the brunet’s name or not. Wasn’t sure if it was an actual word or just a startled sound leaving his throat as he caught the suddenly limp body. Sinking to his knees, he held Kaname close, readjusting him carefully into a more comfortable position, head resting against his shoulder. One arm was wrapped around his shoulders, supporting his back, holding him safe. 

Looking down on him, Zero was relieved to find his breathing slowly returning to normal. His heartbeat though, thumping hard against his chest, was not. Neither were his eyes, still moving restlessly under closed lids. He didn’t seem to be in pain though, so after watching him attentively for a moment, Zero gently scooped him up into his arms. 

Lily pranced around nervously, sashaying from one side to the other, watching them attentively. He softly hushed her, trying to calm her at least enough to not bolt. His attention mostly remained with the young man in his arms, though, holding him close to his chest. Making sure he was as comfortable as possible as he carried him towards the rock he had been sitting on earlier.

The mare watched cautiously, curiously, waiting for a moment before slowly following along, coming to a hold next to them as Zero sat down again. He pulled Kaname gently onto his lap, holding him against his chest once more. His fingers softly, feathery, brushed over a wet cheek, wiping away the occasional tears escaping tightly shut eyes.

He didn’t know how long he sat there like this, cradling the almost fragile looking pureblood. He ran his fingers through soft hair, brushing them gently over pale cheeks, as he waited. Lily had long since returned to grazing, the fresh green more interesting than them. He kept watching her, alternating with watching Kaname.

His throat was still tight with worry, fingers itching to do something - anything - to help, to make it better. But there was nothing for him to do, except to wait. So waiting, he did. Like he always did. Except this time, it was even worse, his mind reeling, trying to come up with explanations for what had happened. With his heart still thumping almost as harshly against his ribs as Kaname’s had done earlier. 

When Kaname finally opened his eyes again, it was slow, as if there was something holding him back. He blinked disorientedly, taking another long moment to realize the person supporting him. Delicate fingers reached up, brushing softly against Zero’s cheek. His eyes were swirling with emotions, still a little unfocused, for a moment seeming older than before.

“Hey,” Zero softly greeted him, keeping his voice low, “Welcome back.” He brushed dark hair out of the other’s face, somehow even managing a small, relieved smile. Kaname smiled back, thinly at first, blinking heavily as he let his hand sink back onto his body. He leaned into the touch, a soft, almost content sigh leaving his lips.

“How do you feel?”

“Tired,” was the curt reply as red-brown eyes closed once more, head lolling back to rest against his chest once more. “My head hurts.”

Zero hummed softly, letting his fingers travel to Kaname’s temple, massaging it gently. He felt him relax against his chest, a muttered ‘thank you’ lost in his shirt. He felt his own tension slowly leveling off, even though the worry did not.

Questions over questions were whirling through his mind, yet the answers eluded him. What had happened? Why had Kaname reacted this violently to begin with? Was he really okay now? He looked down, studying the mostly relaxed face, the way Kaname leaned into every touch, reveling in it uncannily. It reminded him of his Kaname, of the way he had cuddled close. 

“You’re thinking too loudly.” The soft whisper drew him out of his thoughts, made him look at Kaname as he sat up, made him really look. His head was slightly tilted to the side, hair falling over his eyes, not quite obscuring them. They were softer than before, yet showing too many emotions to differentiate between them. A small, crooked smile tugged on full lips, creating an image right out of his oldest memories.

“Zero…” Hearing his name from him was both uncommon and too familiar, a bitter-sweet feeling welling up inside of him. Red-brown eyes narrowed in thought, a frown appearing on finely swung brows. “No… not Zero… Rei.”

Zero froze, breath caught in his throat. His heartbeat faltered for a moment, skipping a beat before speeding up again, too loud inside his own head. He felt nub, yet flooded with too much at once, feeling everything yet nothing. His voice was rough, barely more than a croaked whisper. “What did you just call me?”

His question was met with a gentle smile, the frown disappearing with it. “Rei.”

He trembled as he looked at Kaname, not quite sure whether it was real or just a product of his imagination, his mind finally snapping. Rei. It was a name he had not heard since forever. Since their first life together, thousands of years ago. A name he had finally changed to not be constantly reminded of what had been. Of what had been lost. A name no person currently alive should know to be his.

It couldn’t possibly be. Right? There was no way Kaname, this Kaname, would know about it. Could know about it. And yet here he was, sitting comfortably in his lap, warm hand resting on his chest to help him keep upright. It couldn’t be… or could it? Taking a deep breath, he tried to clear his mind, tried to calm again. But his mind was whirling, running in circles, yet also feeling completely blank.

Kaname reached up, cupping his cheek in a feathery touch, seeming both confident and confused in the motion. As if part of him didn’t know what he was doing, yet was unable to stop himself. Perhaps he was. But the touch, soft and familiar, was enough to make Zero cave, make him lean into the contact. Because, his mind whispered, the desperate part of it, what if it was real? What if this Kaname did remember? What if this Kaname was just as much his Kaname?

He reached up, placing his hand on the one resting on his cheek. Letting his fingers gently brush over it, as their eyes met once more. There was confusion in those beautiful, warm eyes, too many emotions swirling all around. Hesitation. Zero smiled softly, finally guiding the hand away from his cheek, placing a small kiss on knuckles before lowering it again as he swallowed against the lump in his throat and the tears in his eyes.

“Perhaps,” he began, stopping momentarily to clear his throat, “perhaps we should get back. You look like you could use some sleep.” And perhaps everything would be better, clearer, after some more time to think. Even though everything in him balked at the thought of letting Kaname go again. Even though he wanted nothing more than to wrap him in his arms and hold him, never to let go again.

Kaname nodded, a slight blush on his cheeks from the small gesture, a content smile tugging on his lips yet seemingly not knowing how to react. “You are right.” It was just a whisper, voice husky as well. “Sleep sounds good.”

~*~

Everything after bringing Kaname back to the Moon Dorm had passed by like a daydream, leaving Zero constantly wondering whether something had really happened. He was still not totally sure about their whole encounter being real, even though he still had two tiny bruises where Kaname had bitten him. So he knew at least that had not been his imagination. Yet everything after? It was just too good to be true, too much what he had hoped for all the time.

But if it was truly real - he didn’t dare even think about it. No matter how often he had met the latest reincarnation of Kaname, it was always a new person. None had ever called him by his old name. Only his Kaname. The man he had fallen in love with that very first time. Back when he had really only been seventeen, before he had stopped aging. Back when they had been feared and thus hunted by the humans, fearing for their lives on a daily basis.

He pushed those thoughts away, finally withdrawing from his musings, finding himself standing in the middle of the gardens. The sun was already setting, the last warm rays of light reaching him through the softly rustling leaves. He blinked, looking around, wondering shortly when and how he had gotten there. He frowned, shaking his head about himself. Had he really been that lost in thought that he didn’t even notice where he was going? Where had he even wanted to go to begin with?

“Rei.” 

The use of his old name had him almost spinning around, a tiny part of him scared that it still was not real. That it was just his mind playing tricks on him, too eager for something out of reach. But there, standing in front of him, a small smile on his lips, was Kaname. He tilted his head, lips pulling back into an amused half-smirk as he watched him, eyes sparkling with mirth. His long hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, held together with only a piece of twine.

He blinked, banishing the old image overlapping the present, pushing it back into the depths of his memories. It was harder than usual, this Kaname the first to look almost exactly like his Kaname from back then. A little softer, the eyes a little rounder, the hair shorter. Except for that, though, it could have been the same person. The very same Kaname. But it was impossible, especially after this much time. Wasn’t it?

“Kaname,” he smiled slightly, trying to keep his inner turmoil out of his voice, though not quite succeeding, “I didn’t expect to see you out here already. Do you feel better again?” 

A soft hum was the first reply he got, followed by a small nod. “Yes, much better. I really needed sleep, it seems. My mind feels much clearer again today.” His smile got warmer, eyes softening. “Thank you for getting me home last night.”

“You’re welcome. And I’m glad to hear it helped.” He really was. It didn’t explain the repeated use of his old name, however. Or did he simply hear it because he wanted to hear it? He couldn’t tell, not with certainty. His mind was apt at playing tricks on him, after all.

Silence fell over them, stretching as the seconds ticked by, feeling somewhat strained. It was a strange atmosphere, one Zero didn’t like. It almost felt as if they both wanted to say something, yet didn’t know how. Didn’t know where to start. Instead they stood there, watching each other, pondering their next course of action.

In the silence, Zero heard his own heartbeat, too loud in his ears. Too fast. When had been the last time he had been this nervous in front of someone? He felt it in his throat, the lump sitting there only tightening with every breath, with every attempt to swallow it. Growing until he couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t stand the quiet any longer.

“Would you like to walk with me for a bit?” It was not what he had initially wanted to say, but the words left his mouth before he could think better of it. And who knew, perhaps it was just what they needed; taking a stroll, like he had gotten used to doing whenever something bothered him. 

Kaname smiled, eyes lighting up ever so slightly as he nodded his agreement. “I’d love to.” It made Zero’s lips twitch, corners of his mouth curling up a little, the light in those beautiful eyes making his heart beat faster once again. Willing his legs to move, he began walking, Kaname falling into step next to him. They followed the pebbled path, lines with freshly trimmed bushes, the scent of freshly cut grass tickling their noses. The air was still warm from the sun, the soft breeze cooling it only slightly. Birds sat in the trees, singing their songs, making the silence less strained. 

“The gardens are beautiful… I am here not nearly often enough, it seems.” This time it was Kaname who broke the quiet, his warm voice soft enough to not startle. His eyes roamed the scenery, taking in its beauty.

Zero hummed in agreement, following his gaze. “They are. It’s always soothing to just be here.”

“It really is,” Kaname agreed, “A little like that old grove near the river, where one tree seems to have grown through a boulder.” 

Those words made Zero falter in his steps, a certain place appearing in his mind. A place he had loved. One he had not seen in centuries, perhaps even longer. A place he knew to have given way to a residential complex decades ago. He looked at Kaname, wondering once more how he could know something clearly long gone.

Kaname smiled at him then, a slightly knowing edge to it. “It was always soothing there as well, especially during fall, when all the leaves were changing color. Beautiful to watch, even more so with someone to lean against and keep you warm.”

He didn’t notice when he stopped walking, didn’t really care either. He looked at Kaname, mind running in circles again, unable to catch a single thought. Memories flashed before his eyes, of warm fall days, hidden away in the safety of the old grove. Of hours spent sitting on the strong branches of the tallest tree, a warm body pressed against his own, his arms wrapped tightly around a slim waist. Of soft, whispered words of love lost in the wind.

Kaname turned to him, tilting his head slightly to the side, his hair falling over his eyes with the motion. His smile was a little unsure this time, words barely even reaching a whisper. “Are you still doubting, Rei?” He reached out, fingers brushing against Zero’s cheek, a feathery touch, leaving behind a tingling sensation.

His mind blanked, body reacting on its own as he placed his hand on Kaname’s, feeling his warmth seep into his skin. He felt his eyes burn, stinging with unshed tears, his fingers trembling.

“Would you blame me for doubting?,” he asked, husky voice shaking, cracking slightly at the end. “It has been centuries since…” He couldn’t bring himself to continue, letting his words hang between them as he closed his eyes, pushing back the images trying to resurface. The memories of countless lifetimes, of countless times he had loved and lost Kaname. Of the times he had seen him fall in love with someone else, living a happy, fulfilled life without him. All the times he had hoped… 

“I wouldn’t.” Kaname’s answer to his initial question was soft, gentle. “I don’t…” He reached out for him again, warm fingers brushing the hair out of his face in an all too familiar motion, an almost sad smile on his lips. “How could I?”

For a moment, they fell back into silence, Zero not knowing what to say. He looked at Kaname, vision slightly blurry, as he fought against the tears gathering in his eyes, mouth suddenly too dry, throat tight. His heart screamed at him to stop doubting, to accept what was in front of him, what he had been waiting for, hoping for, for so long.

“How can it be that you are…?” Again his sentence was left unfinished, his voice fading before he could finish, the words refusing to leave his mouth. 

“Back?” Zero nodded slightly, words forsaking him. Kaname looked unsure, catching his lower lip between his teeth. Another all too familiar habit, one that made him want to reach up, keep him from bloodying his lip. Yet his body didn’t listen, didn’t want to move, left him frozen to the place, waiting, hoping for Kaname to continue.

“I don’t know,” Kaname admitted, an apologetic look in his eyes, “but after drinking your blood, it all began coming back to me… some things are still blurry.” He gently cupped Zero’s cheek in his hand, thumb caressing the skin softly. “The older memories are quite clear… like when we first met. Or the old grove, and all the days we spent there, or that one time when you almost fell off our branch because I startled you.”

A soft, wet chuckle escaped Zero’s throat at that, the memory vivid in his own mind. His body finally reacted, letting him put his hand atop Kaname’s as he leaned into the touch. Turning his head, he placed a tiny kiss on the palm of his hand, eyes never leaving Kaname as he did so. Catching the small smile spreading over plush lips at the gesture.

“Rei…” Hearing his name again, a quiet mutter, he couldn’t take it any longer. There was no reason to keep doubting, to force himself to still not believe what was in front of his very eyes. He reached out, quivering hand coming to rest on Kaname’s waist, pulling him close. A small sob, relieved, overwhelmed, left his lips before he could stop it as he wrapped his arms around the slim, warm body. One hand finding its way into soft locks, the other resting on the lower back.

Kaname relaxed in his arms, returning the hug, head leaning against his shoulder. He gently pressed his nose against Zero’s neck, holding on tightly, staying as close as possible. Zero could feel the heat of his body, the warm breath tickling his neck, the heartbeat against his chest. The familiar scent that was just Kaname filling his nose, bringing back even more memories he had neatly locked away.

“I missed you.” His voice cracked, rough and trembling, as he finally accepted it. As he acknowledged that his deepest wish had really been granted. That he really held his Kaname in his arms right now. Not even another reincarnation, like he had so often before, but the very person he had wanted to grow old with. And oh, how he had missed him. 

The arms around him tightened, holding on to him even closer, as tears of joy and relief silently streamed down his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against his neck, warm breath ghosting over sensitive skin. “You’ve waited so long… endured so long… I’m sorry, my beloved.”

Zero, Rei , trembled, the tension of years, centuries, leaving his body as he held Kaname, burying his face against his neck. Memories crashed over him, of all the times where he had longed for this, had prayed to whoever was listening to meet him again. Of all the times he had been close to giving up, and the times where he did. Everything was coming back, every single moment in which he had missed Kaname, had wished to be reunited with him - be it in life or death. 

“Don’t leave me this long again…” The words were but a whisper, muffled by the soft fabric of Kaname’s shirt, almost intelligible. “Please…” 

Gentle hands pushed him back, just enough that Kaname could look at him, one hand once more resting on his cheek. A warm smile, tender and loving, was on his lips as he looked up at him, tenderly wiping away hot tears. “I plan on staying right here, with you.” He placed a small kiss on his other cheek, a sweet little peck. “Right where I belong.”

At one point, they would have to talk about this, about everything. Would have to think about how it was to go on from that point on. What to tell the other people. But for that moment, all of this was unimportant. All that mattered was the young man in his arms, the knowledge that he was his , the warmth of his hand on his skin. All that mattered was Kaname, his Kaname, being back where he belonged. With him.