Archive of Our Own

Finn has always been… vanilla. That's what Clarke tells herself, anyways. He doesn't like dancing, or drinking, or parties with more than three people. He tells her early in their relationship he doesn't mind that she tokes every once in a while, but when she admits that she smokes nearly daily for PTSD, he scowls. She ignores her deep seated trauma, and kisses him, nervous after several failed relationships that she's the problem. Maybe she does smoke too much. Maybe her baggage is too much. Maybe he's right. 

He's a good boyfriend. Always pays for dates, always laughs at her shitty jokes, always places the first bids on her art. She admits to herself this is the healthiest relationship she's ever had. 

But…

He's always been vanilla. 

One night, she gets drunk while he plays video games with Jasper and Monty. She confesses all of her kinks, fantasies, desires. And he acknowledges them all, treating it like a discussion. When she finally outright says she's horny, he trips over himself getting off the games and coming to bed. And it's good sex. Fun. Memorable.

But when she tries to broach the subject of his own kinks, he shuts her down. Over and over, he insists that he doesn't want to talk about it. There's nothing to talk about , he says. Isn't the sex we have good enough? 

So she tries to engage in her kinks in innocent ways. Calling him daddy of her cat, trying to wrestle him over silly things. It often ends with him firmly telling her to stop, and she does, to her credit. But sometimes…. Sometimes she slips up. 

One evening, nearly three years into their relationship, they're laying in bed talking, and she realizes she's slipped, cuddling against him and having her hair stroked. Her body desperately craves being taken care of, being told what to do, relaxing into someone else being in charge. Knowing he won't engage, she tries to suppress it. But , she thinks, maybe he'll manhandle me if I try to tickle him. Maybe he'll play a game with her, physical or otherwise, if she asks. 

So she does, pathetic little voice whispering her request behind her fingers that cover her face in embarrassment after several long moments of probing on his end.

He sighs. 

“I've told you, I don't like… physical games. We could play Fortnite, if you want.”

Her heart sinks as she realizes he's not at all interested. She smiles though, and agrees, happy at least that he wants to spend time with her. They play for a few hours, laughing and joking with Bellamy, who was Finn's first dorm mate in college. 

Bellamy. He's around a lot, more than Clarke should be expected to handle. He often comes around for Finn's work dinners, staying after the boys’ other colleagues leave to help Clarke clean up. He flirts with her shamelessly, especially when he's drunk, which Finn dismisses as part of his personality. And if Finn doesn't mind, well, she can't honestly say that she minds, either. 

Bellamy calls her princess at some point during their gaming, and she nearly fucking swoons. She recovers quickly, calling out shots fired on their right, and the moment passes. But… 

Finn comes to bed, and starts kissing her softly. She leans into him, hoping maybe he'll play into what she wants tonight. But he gently nudges her onto her knees, standing behind her and slipping himself inside after asking quietly if she's ready. And it's probably her fault, for not asking him to give her special attention, but she doesn't orgasm, doesn't even come close. Hasn't, with him, in a long time.

He falls asleep right after, which isn't unusual, for him. She stays up, scrolling on her phone idly until her fingers find her core. 

Fuck. 

This is when she gets to explore her fantasies. She touches herself gently at first, imagining a man, tall and broad, sitting himself behind her. In her mind, she holds a controller, and the man behind her ignores it as his hands go to her pussy. She gasps. 

Princess, the man in her mind says. Keep playing. Daddy wants to play with you . 

She moans quietly, and the sound is enough to shake her from her imagination, glancing over to where Finn snores. Too on the nose, she thinks, too real, and tries to redirect her mind. 

This time, she's wrestling someone, trying desperately to get away. Her fingers find a nice rhythm against her as she imagines the man in her mind overpowering her, and smiling. 

Princess, he says, Did you really think you could get away from me? 

She imagines him pinning her hands above her head, grinning at her as she realizes she's too weak to fight back any further. 

So naive… my princess, I'll show you what happens to girls like you.

Girls like me?

Pretty girls who think they can just…

The imaginary mans fingers find her center, and she shivers. 

Do what they want. Girls like you, who need to learn their place. 

He sits up and pulls her around until she's bent over his knee. Her eyes slip closed. 

Her mind conjures an image of a man, dark and handsome, pressing one hand to her upper back as he raises the other. It comes down firmly against her rear, and she squeals, but only in her fantasy.

Oh, princess, that was just the beginning. 

The following spanks are accompanied only by the sound of his hand meeting her soft flesh. She loses count of how many times his palm meets her ass before finally resting gently on her thigh. 

What's this?

His fingers find her center once again, and he smirks. 

So wet for me. Did you like that? Dirty princess, answer me .

She nods frantically, mouth falling open as her fingers work her core in reality. 

Say it. 

“I liked it!” She whimpers out loud. She falls over the edge as she admits it to her fantasy man, and he grins, proud of her. Finn stirs, but doesn't wake. 

Fuck. 

-

She brings it up as softly as she can the next day. Explains that she knows he's not into it sexually, and asks that they work together to find a way to engage that part of her brain without violating his boundaries. 

He rolls his eyes.

“I thought we've talked about this. I didn't want to come out and say it, but Clarke, I'm not interested in hurting you, or even pretending to. I think it's gross, and anyone who is so desperate for an outlet that they use sex is kind of pathetic. Sex is about romance.”

Clarke deflates. She'd known, deep down, that he likely felt that way. But hearing it, out loud, made it real. She isn't sure how to react, so she smiles, and says okay. They don't have to try anything he isn't comfortable with, obviously. She won't push it any more. 

But. Finn isn't done. 

“I guess if you feel like it's a necessity to do that shit, don't let me stop you. I don't want anything to do with it, but if you want it so badly, go for it.” 

She asks some clarifying questions, of course. He explains that he doesn't mind if she engages with someone else. He just isn't interested.

Clarke wants to scream. She doesn't want someone else. She wants him. She wants to marry him, and tells him all the time that she would do so tomorrow if he asked. 

But it pisses her off when he won't explain why he isn't interested. She knows he doesn't owe it to her to explain, his no is enough. Maybe he has trauma related to kink, maybe he doesn't. It's obviously something he isn't comfortable sharing. 

So she doesn't push. She doesn't cry, doesn't tell him he's the only one who she wants. She just smiles softly and asks if he's sure. Then they lay ground rules.

1. He doesn't want to know anything about any of it.
2. She must prioritize their relationship over all others.
3. No emotional involvement. 

She reasons with herself that it's best case scenario for both of them. It crushes her that he would rather her fuck other people than explore the things he is comfortable with. But at least, this way, they can both get what they want. She gets to explore the things that no one has ever wanted to explore with her. He gets to be completely hands off with her pleasure. Whatever. 

-

They kind of spend weeks in limbo. It isn't unusual for them to go a couple of weeks without having sex, normally. But Clarke’s mind is going wild, and without even Finn to quell her sexuality, she feels like she's going to break. 

Then. 

She gets curious, one night, after he's fallen asleep. They've always shared their phones. With nothing to hide, there's usually no paranoia. Regardless, she picks up his phone. Snapchat is the only social media - esque thing he has, and she finds herself checking it. She goes through their saved messages, smiling at the cute texts from their early days. She reads recent texts between him and Bellamy, mostly talking about either Fortnite or golf. He doesn't have many girl friends, so she doesn't bother looking for texts like that , but-

Opened. 2 wks ago . Raven. 

He's never mentioned a Raven. 

She opens the snap thread. 

There's nothing, going back a few years. But the most recent saved photo is a nude. From Raven, to Finn. 

Clarke quickly closes the app, the phone. Sets it down and lays down for bed. 

Opened. 2 wks ago. 

She clenches her jaw. 

They'd long ago agreed that any relationships with exes, or ex hookups, were inappropriate. They had been on the same page, going through their phones together and blocking anyone from either of their sexual pasts. 

But he smiles at her, and he works hard, and he treats her cat like his own. 

So she isn't sure what to do. 

On one hand, she could confront him. Redraw boundaries, forgive him, trust him. 

On the other hand…

-

It's like he has a sixth sense, Bellamy. He comes over the next day, smiley and flirty, to console Finn on not getting a promotion at their yearly review. 

Clarke keeps her distance, all too aware of what she had discovered the night before, all too familiar with the way her mind buzzes. Horny. Regardless- she wears her shortest skirt and finds herself bending over more often than usual. No one takes the bait, she thinks. 

However, eventually, Finn leaves them to join Monty in a game. Bellamy doesn't seem eager to leave, and truthfully, Clarke doesn't want him to. He compliments her efforts at being present in Finn's friends’ lives. He encourages her to sit down while he cleans up. “Please, princess, don't worry about it.”

“But you're a guest, you shouldn't-”

“I'm a grown man, I can clean up after myself.”

Yeah, you are. Her mind runs wild as she watches him wash dishes. His forearms flex gracefully every now and then as he talks to her, totally ignoring the way she practically drools at the sight of him. Sleeves rolled up, he tells her to pick something for them to watch on the TV, and she nearly leaps at the opportunity to pick something he'll enjoy. 

She settles on a horror movie on Hulu, knowing he won't be able to resist. He talks about his fascination with horror movies often, at least enough for Clarke to pick up on. 

Clarke, on the other hand, is, frankly, a pansy. 

As they settle onto the couch, she tosses a blanket over both of them. She sits on one end of the couch, and he on the other. 

About half way through the movie, Clarke realizes she's shifted closer to Bellamy. She sits nearly pressed against his thigh, and as the movie progresses, she finds herself moving even closer. Eventually, he slings his arm over her shoulders, drawing her impossibly closer. When she glances at him, he's already watching her, and-

Fuck. 

He makes the first move, pulling her even closer and moving her legs into his lap. His hand lands on her leg, fingers grazing the soft, sensitive part of the inside of her thigh. She practically sinks into him, the way he holds her.

When he finally leans down to kiss her, she notices the lowball glass sitting on the coffee table. She quickly realizes it's the drink making him so bold, and pulls away. 

“Bellamy, we-”

“Shhh, just-”

They stop at the same time, gazing at each other as Finn gripes in the background. 

“Clarke, I-”

“I don't-”

They both stop, Bellamy looking fondly at Clarke, Clarke scowling softly at Bellamy. 

“Come here.” He finally says simply, and-

Fuck. 

It triggers just the right part of her brain. She can't help it, she scrambles into his lap, arms darting out around his shoulders as he pulls her closer by the waist. She kisses him earnestly, grinding down on him as he guides her hips back and forth. Eventually he pulls himself out of his jeans- The only thing between them now is her panties. 

“ Princess, ”

“Bellamy, I- we-”

“Be quiet.”

They don't say much after that. He pushes her panties aside and sets her on him. They find a rhythm quickly, and she rides him hard, bouncing and moaning and barely listening to the sweet whispers that fall from his lips. 

Fuck- she comes on his cock as he plays with her clit- his fingers finding her core as quickly as she had mounted him. She shivers in his lap as he fucks her through it. 

“So good. So fucking sexy-”

“Thank you-”

His gaze burns into her as she tries to mumble her thanks, cutting her thought short. 

“Birth control?”

“Huh?”

“Do you want my come, Princess?”

“ Oh, ” She gasps as he slows down to a torturous pace. “Yeah, yes, yes, please.”

“Fuck, baby, ” 

He groans, thrusting up into her as deeply as he had at the start, and she feels him spasm under her. 

“Fuck, fuck, Bellamy!”

“ Princess, you-”

He comes deep inside her. She nearly falls off the edge again at the feeling of his balls draining into her. His lips find hers again briefly. 

Fuck. 

Neither say a word as she pulls herself away from him. When she lays back on the couch, he presses a firm hand to her abdomen and stands. 

He returns with a warm washcloth, leaning over her to press a soft kiss to her lips as the washcloth makes contact with her warm and worn out pussy. 

“Finn said I could.” She blurts, as Bellamy wipes gently at her. 

“Could?”

“Fuck other people. He said-”

“I don't give a fuck.” Bellamy asserts, and leans forward to kiss her again. “We'll talk about it later. For now-”

“Take you to bed?” She finishes his sentence cheekily. He grins. 

“Yeah, baby, take me to bed.”

She shivers. 

-

She and Finn have always had separate rooms. A bed in each, they typically used each room to work, pursue hobbies, do research. 

But as she pulls a naked Bellamy into her bed, any other use of the room falls away. 

“ Baby, let me-”

“You-”

They pause, Clarke taking a moment to breathe, Bellamy smiling softly as he leans over her.

“Lay down.” He finally says. She listens, relieved at finally letting someone else take control. “Pretty girl,” Bellamy whispers, tracing up her silhouette with his fingertips. She trembles. “Okay?”

And, dammit, it shouldn't be so fucking sweet to her, the way he checks in. Finn checks in, asks for consent at every move. But it isn't the same. Bellamy expects an answer. Finn has never expected her to respond. 

“I'm fine, more than fine.” She admits, and Bellamy grins. 

“ Good. Great. I want- what do you want, Princess?”

She blushes furiously, afraid after all these years to verbalize what she needs. 

“Can you- just, I-”

“Say it.”

If her face could turn redder, it does. He just grins at her, not helping the way her head spins. 

“I just want to play… ”

Bellamy pulls back. She almost cries, horrified that he could know what she wants, how much of a slut she could be. 

“How, baby?”

If her heart could stop without detriment, it does. His words wash over her, and suddenly, she's keyed up again, ready to go.

“Can you…”

“What?” Bellamy practically growls, and christ, she melts. 

“Will you hold me down?”

He doesn't even have to answer, pinning her hands above her head and smiling wickedly. She pulls against him, testing his grip, and he squeezes her wrists. She squirms, and he presses his body into her firmly. She can barely move. 

And, fuck, it turns her on. 

She pushes against him for a few moments, giggling a bit as she slowly realizes there's nowhere for her to go. He just watches her, an amused, determined smile gracing his features. 

Eventually, he starts pulling at her clothes with one hand and holding her down with the other. She sighs, pleased. She's been needing this. The way he takes initiative to move things along is refreshing. 

The second round is faster, of course, but he holds her hands up with the same hand and the one that had stripped her finds her throat. He chokes her as he fucks her, and she whines from pleasure nearly the whole way through. 

He slaps her ass, too, after he adjusts them so she's on top. He still holds her hands, now behind her back, still fucks up into her, eager to make her moan, but he also lays back on the pillows like it's his home. 

And dammit, his voice. He seems excited to tell her how she's making him feel. He runs his mouth the whole time, dropping filthy praise to her neck while she can only babble incoherently.

It's-

It's the best sex she's ever had. 

He holds her, after, caressing up and down her stomach with his fingertips as they lay in silence. 

Eventually, one of them will have to break the silence. Bellamy will have to leave her bed, go home. 

But as she cuddles into him, she lets herself imagine that they can stay like this. Maybe go for another round later in the night. Maybe he could wake her up with his fingers pressing into her, reminding her exactly how good he can make her feel-

He shifts behind her, and sits up, pulling away from her. 

“Fuck.” Is all he says, and again, her heart falls. When she turns around to look at him, his head is in his hands. 

“Sorry, I…” She tries to formulate some kind of sentence, but he's left her so thoroughly taken care of that her mind is too floaty. 

Her words seem to remind him that he's here with her, in reality. One of his hands goes quickly to her hip, squeezing reassuringly. 

“Don't apologize, baby. I…”

“It's okay.”

“It's not okay.” He says it so softly, like he's trying to keep her in her current head space despite the way his words threaten to bring it crashing down. 

“Finn said-”

“It doesn't fucking matter what Finn said. This was wrong.”

Her heart breaks, which is so fucking silly. He's not breaking up with her, he isn't her boyfriend, isn't even anything to her, really. 

“Okay. I'm sorry I-”

“ Don't apologize. I practically jumped you, you even tried to stop me-”

“Because I know you'd never think about me like this if you weren't drinking.” She forces herself to pull away from him. Her mind is clearing rapidly, so she stands, crossing to her dresser to get some space. 

“ Clarke- ”

“It's fine. I'm sorry, we- we just got carried away. Besides, you're way out of my league. This never would've worked anyways.” She says it with a tight smile, trying for a joke to lighten the way the mood has shifted. To hide the way her voice nearly breaks. He scowls. 

“You have a boyfriend. ” 

“Yeah, a boyfriend who loves me so much that he'd rather I fuck other people than, god forbid, he has to think about my pleasure- fuck, it doesn't matter. Look, I'm sorry. I've been so frustrated and it's so fucking embarrassing when I ask him to play with me and he suggests fucking Fortnite.” She shakes her head, stopping herself before she says something else she'll regret. This is Finn's best friend. He doesn't need to know this shit. “Sorry, I’m-”

“Please, stop apologizing.” He keeps his gaze to the floor now, probably avoiding looking at her body. Probably doesn't want to see it, now that he's clearly sobering up. “What do you mean? He'd rather you fuck other people than make you come?”

“No, it's- he does sometimes. It's just-” She sighs, unsure that she should continue. But… Bellamy had asked. So she pushes forward. “He's really vanilla. And the sex we have is fine, but it doesn't-”

“Satisfy.”

“Right.”

Her words hang in the air as silence takes over again. Distantly, through the walls, Finn laughs loudly. 

“He's just… disinterested. It's fine.” She finally continues, shrugging. 

“And he said he wanted you to, what? Go out and find someone to explore with?” 

“Not that he wanted me to. Just that if I thought it was that important, I could.” 

“Anything else? Did you guys set ground rules?”

“Yeah, of course, I'm not totally clueless. I’ve done a lot of research.”

“Research.”

“Yeah, Bellamy, research. I wanted to be educated before I started-”

“ Started? Clarke, you-” He sighs and pinches his nose bridge. She's confused, but tries to ignore him as she turns to pull a nightgown from her dresser. 

“What? Is there something wrong with that?” She asks after a long moment of him acting frustrated. Finally, when she's covered, she turns around and finds him in his underwear, looking at her measuredly. 

“So you've never had a dom?”

The question takes her by surprise. She'd thought he'd lecture her about how the internet is full of lies. Though, maybe that's still coming. Regardless, she's a bit offended. 

“Who says I'm looking for a dom? Maybe I want a slave.”

“Jesus, Clarke-”

“Really, what makes you say that?”

“It really isn't that hard to put together.”

“Why?”

“God, you're-” He groans. “You're fucking bossy, and you're combative, and stubborn, and you work constantly. It's not hard to figure out that you need someone else to take over and boss you around every once in a while.”

“Oh.” 

“Answer my question. You've never had a dominant partner?” 

 She hesitates. “No, but-”

“Clarke, this is a terrible idea.”

“I'm not a little girl. I think I can handle it.”

His jaw clenches. 

“So you're just going to, what, go out and find a dom? Tell me what that looks like, Clarke. What rules did you set? What kind of dynamic are you looking for? Do you know -” He stops himself, sighing again and running a hand through his hair, apparently still frustrated, though she doesn't understand why. 

“I can handle it, Bellamy.” She crosses her arms and looks away. “Look, I shouldn't even be telling you all of this. It's inappropriate.”

“Inappropriate?” He balks, crossing the room to her. “We just-”

“Yeah, I know, and you're clearly having regrets about it, so maybe we should just-”

“I do not regret it.”

“Oh.” 

He rolls his eyes as if she was supposed to know that already. She bites her lip, holding back what she wants to say.

“Seriously, Clarke. Does he have any idea- Asking you to explore BDSM for the first time with a stranger is fucking stupid.”

She shrugs. “He made it clear he's not going to do it. I mean it, it's fine. I'm good at getting myself out of trouble.”

Bellamy looks at the ceiling like he's reaching out to a higher power for answers. She just watches him. 

“I don't like this.”

“It's not for you to like or dislike, Bellamy. It really doesn't have anything to do with you.”

He scoffs like she's told a joke. 

“Fine. I'll bite. What if I want it to?”

“To what?”

“Have something to do with me.”

All the air leaves her lungs at his words. “What?”

“What if I don't want you doing anything like what we just did with anyone else.” 

“It wasn't particularly kinky, what-”

“God, Clarke, you're-”

“ Me ? You're the one that told me this was a mistake, now you think you get to act all possessive over me?”

“I wasn't trying to-”

“ God, I should've just gone to bed.”

“Do you really mean that? Who's having regrets now?” He demands. She deflates. 

“Look, I'm-”

“Yes or no. Do you regret this?”

She sighs, but shakes her head. He smiles. 

“Say it.”

Her eyes dart up to his. He's still smiling. She realizes she doesn't have the fortitude to argue.

“No.”

“No, what?”

“No, I don't regret it.” She spits. He just grins wider. 

“Good.” 

He sits on the edge of her bed and pats the space next to him, suddenly serious. Clarke finds her feet moving before her mind realizes what's happening. 

“Princess,” He reaches over to tuck some of her hair behind her ear, trailing his fingertips down from her ear to her chin and tilting her head up. “You're so pretty.” 

“Thank yo-”

“You can call me sir, if you want.”

It makes her pull back. 

“I-” She swallows hard, looking anywhere but at him. “Another night, maybe.” His suggestion, the night- it's all catching up to her, overwhelming her all at once in this moment. “Um, it’s not that I don't want to, just-” She taps her hands on her legs, standing up and making some distance between them. “Don't you want to know the ground rules Finn set?”

His hand falls, and he smiles softly. “Sure.”

She explains, and his smile turns to a frown. 

“No emotional connections? What, he expects someone to take care of you and not care about you? How does that make sense?” 

“Look, it's not for you, or anyone I see, to argue with. Those are the rules he set. I'm going to follow them.” 

Bellamy scowls. 

“Well, I think that rule in particular is stupid.”

“Okay? What, you've never had meaningless sex?”

He ignores her, plowing on. “And I'm not going to participate in stupid shit.”

“Okay? No one is asking you to.” 

His shoulders sag, and he nods silently. “Okay. Fine.” He stands, crossing the room again and gathering the rest of his clothes. “But- you'll ask me to. Someday.” 

She throws her hands up. “Or I won't. You're too cocky. Maybe that isn't what I'm interested in.”

He smirks as he pulls his jeans up his legs. “It is. Or it will be. We'll get there.” 

“Sure, Bellamy.”

“You sure were interested tonight.” He puts his shirt on and moves for the door, but pauses after he opens it. “Have a good night, baby.” 

She throws a pillow at the door just as it closes. 

-

Finn comes to bed a couple of hours later. He takes her phone and puts on a podcast, someone else talking him to sleep as her head spins. 

Her mind keeps her up too late, almost making her late to work the next day. 

Days go by, and she convinces herself that her moments with Bellamy were just that- moments, memories, at best. Some part of her feels guilty for not telling Finn, but she tells herself that this is what Finn had asked for. 

It's late October when he finally asks if she's had any dates. She shakes her head, doesn't elaborate. He doesn't ask further. 

They have quite a few events coming up soon. She wonders how they're going to navigate the late year holidays.

Raven is still in the back of her mind. She doesn't check his phone again, too afraid to find confirmation of her insecurities to snoop. Maybe he isn't attracted to her anymore. Maybe her “healthy relationship” weight gain is too much for him. Maybe she isn't good enough in bed. 

Halloween comes around, and she finds herself sitting on the floor of their living room in her princess Leia costume. Finn had insisted on being Chewbacca, a full suit of fur conforming to his body as he struts around the apartment. She looks at him fondly, remembering the first time they had discussed Star Wars. They'd laughed for hours at the most recent trilogy, reminiscing about their favorite moments. 

And then Bellamy walks in dressed as Han Solo. 

“What the fuck?” She asks, and Bellamy smirks. 

“Finn said-”

“What, you guys should do a couples costume?”

“That the three of us should do a group costume.” He casts a long look at her outfit, his gaze traveling up and down her body. She almost feels self conscious, but reminds herself that this is the same man who called her so fucking sexy two weeks ago. 

And sure, she had chosen the most revealing version of Princess Leia. But it was also the most iconic. And the suit that Clarke had picked for it was arguably less revealing than the original costume. Still, her costume is complimented several times. 

Finn takes the top part of his own costume off after a while, revealing his upset at the attention she's garnered. She tries to ignore it, dutifully serving drinks and charcuterie to their friends that had attended. They all thank her, tell her what a nice party it is, and leave around 11:30. 

Bellamy, though, stays. Washing dishes and putting away leftovers.

He's still there when Finn sits heavily on the couch and looks at Clarke expectantly. 

“Well?” He says, and she smiles. 

“Everyone had fun, I think-”

“Did you get enough attention?” 

“Excuse me?” She asks, because- he can't be serious. He'd approved her costume weeks ago, telling her it was cute. 

“You heard me. Did you-”

“Yeah, I heard you. I was just hoping I hadn't heard right. ”

Finn stares at her for a moment, mouth agape. 

“What, did you not like the attention?”

“Does it matter? You told me my costume was cute.”

“Cute as an idea, not as an execution. If I had known-”

“Why would you think I was lying about a costume ?”

“I never thought you'd actually wear it in public-”

“In public? This is my home. ”

“Yeah, well, subjecting people to your kinks without consent isn't cool.”

She gapes at him. 

“What would you know about my kinks?” She asks, because those aren't his words, and nonconsensual exposure isn't something she'd ever be into, and-

“Dishes are done!” 

Bellamy's voice makes them both stop and look towards the kitchen. Clarke had almost forgotten he was there. Almost. 

To her horror, Finn pushes forward.  “What do you think, Bell? Was Clarke being an attention whore-”

“Woah-”

“Finn!” She snaps, and Finn looks at her. 

“What? I thought you liked-”

“You don't know a damn thing about what I like.”

“Guys,” Bellamy interjects again, and Clarke deflates. “Maybe we should cool it for the night. We clearly aren't thinking straight.” He levels a glare at Finn, who shrugs. 

“She told me once that she wants to be ‘desperately desired’. Who's to say she doesn't mean by everyone ?” Finn uses air quotes to mock her, glancing only briefly at her as he spits it out. 

“ Finn- ”

“Dude. Cool it.” Bellamy says, and Finn scowls. 

“I'm just saying…” Finn crosses his arms and starts staring at the TV intently. Clarke’s mouth hangs open, entirely caught off guard by his harsh words. 

Bellamy doesn't say anything else, just silently puts the rest of the food away. He shuffles towards their front door after a while, glancing between Clarke and Finn as he slips on his coat. 

“Goodnight, guys.”

“Night.”

“Goodnight, Bellamy.” 

They fight, that night, for one of the first times. Finn tries to throw it in her face that she's sleeping around. Clarke tries to convince him of her perspective, and swears she isn't seeing anyone else.

They get nowhere, but eventually calm down as the hours tick by. She finally crawls into bed around two. Finn decides to sleep in his own room. 

She's laying awake around three when her phone lights up. 

He's a jackass sometimes. You looked amazing tonight. 

A few minutes later, it lights up again. 

Princess Leia kicks ass. 

Clarke doesn't respond to Bellamy's texts, just tucks her phone under her pillow and tries to sleep.

-

Finn doesn't apologize, and since she feels she has nothing to apologize for, neither does Clarke. They don't exchange more than pleasantries for days. They wake up, ignore each other, go to work, come home, eat dinner together, then sleep in separate rooms. 

Finally, Clarke has enough. She asks him to sit with her after dinner one night, and he hesitates, but agrees. 

They sit in silence on their couch for a few moments. Clarke fidgets with a blanket. She tries to forget that it's the same blanket she'd thrown over her and Bellamy the other night. 

When she glances at Finn, he's staring at the wall across from them, jaw set tightly. He clearly isn't going to start this conversation, so she does.

“Look, can we try to get past this? I love you. I wish- I wish I had realized that the costume was going to be a problem. I wouldn't have worn it if I didn't think you'd be okay with it… And, I guess, I was hoping you'd like it.” 

“Why the fuck would I like my girlfriend showing off for everyone?”

“I wasn't trying to show off for anyone . I would never wear it, like, out at a bar. But this was a small party, in our apartment, with our friends. And it was less revealing than most swimsuits .” She sighs, reaching over to try and take his hand, but he moves it away. It's such a small gesture of his anger, but it threatens to send tears spilling from her eyes. “I love you. I swear I wouldn't do anything to try and cause issues.”

“Except sleeping around.”

“ Finn , you told me to sleep around. And- you asked not to know about it, but you keep bringing it up, so-”

“Because it's stupid. The sex we have is fine. ”

“Fine?” She cries, standing. “Sex is supposed to be fun . You're the only person I want to have sex with. But you would rather I pursue a stranger than-”

“So you're fucking strangers now. Great, guess I need to go get tested.”

“God, no, I haven't-”

“Look, just forget it. Next time- just, don't let there be a next time, please.”

“Do you want me to not have sex with other people?”

He throws his hands up, standing and making for the hallway. 

“Do whatever you want. But if the problem is that our sex isn't kinky enough, the sex you have outside of us better satisfy that shit. If the problem is that you aren't happy with vanilla sex, you better not be having vanilla sex with anyone else. And, for gods sake, if you need more attention, don't force our friends to look at your practically naked body.”

He storms off to his own room, and Clarke collapses back onto the couch, head landing in her hands. 

This isn't fair. She doesn't understand why he's so mad. This could've been dismissed as a small misunderstanding. She would've respected it if he'd told her he wasn't comfortable with her planned costume. Why he doesn't believe that, she isn't sure. 

She finds herself rereading Bellamys texts, after she manages to pull herself off the couch and go to her room. 

You looked amazing tonight.

And dammit, it's exactly what she wishes Finn would've said to her instead of all of this. 

So she texts him back. 

He's SUCH a jackass sometimes. 

She waits for an answer for about three minutes, just staring at the text bubbles. He opens the text, but doesn't respond right away, so she closes her phone frantically and lays down, turning off her lamp as she does. That was a mistake. After the light is off, her phone buzzes, and she risks glancing at it. Her heart nearly leaps out of her chest when she sees that he's answered. 

He's still going on about it? 

Why is he mad that ur hot lol

She frowns as she types out the first thing she thinks.

That's inappropriate 

He responds immediately.

And complaining about your boyfriend to his best friend isn't? 

She feels her cheeks heat as she realizes he's right.

You're right. 

Sorry, wasn't thinking. Just upset. 

You can ignore all of this

She turns her phone off again and rolls to her side, embarrassed. She isn't sure what she was thinking. 

Clarke stares into the darkness for a few moments, trying to wrap her head around everything. She's reminding herself of everything she loves about Finn when her phone buzzes again. 

It's from Bellamy, of course, but it's a screenshot of his text thread with Finn, surprising her. 

Finn | Bro

Finn | Am i losing my mind

Me | wym

Finn | Clarkes costume

Me | huh

Me | y u still talking about it lol

Finn | Bc shes seriously stupid for it idc 

Finn | its common sense not to wear that shit outside the bedroom

Me | bruh 

Me | u can't say shit like tht ab ur gf

Me | did u tell her u feel like that

Me | ??

Finn | fuckin 

Finn | whose side r u on

Me | 👦🏾 

Me | try to consider urself lucky. shes hot confident n loves u. 

Finn | I kno. Just mad evryone saw her like that. 

Finn | everyone 

Me | let it go brother. My advice. 

Me | ask her to wear it again just for u lol

Finn | 🤢

Finn | leia is literally a slave in that scene

Finn | gross

The screenshot does nothing to settle her mind. She reads it again and again, compelled for some reason to memorize every word. 

Her phone buzzes in her hands, though, and startles her. It's Bellamy again. 

He's no angel either. I see why you're upset. 

She doesn't think much as she types out her quick reply. 

Ouch

She realizes she's crying only when her phone lights up with a call. Bellamy’s face fills her screen. 

And why she answers, she isn't sure. It's a terrible idea, she's emotional, Finn is in the next room, and-

“Hey, baby, you okay?”

His soft, sweet voice makes her sob. She can't even answer, just cries for a long moment. 

“Princess?” 

“Yeah?”

“Sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I just-”

“You shouldn't call me baby.” 

He laughs softly on the other end of their call. 

“You really want me to stop?”

She hesitates. Tears still stream down her face, and she's so hurt, and he stood up for her against her boyfriend, and she still doesn’t know who Raven is . It's all so fucked, and-

“No.” 

He chuckles. 

“Do you want to come over? Octavia is here, we could just watch a movie and-”

“I don't think that's a good idea.” 

“It's a great idea. You shouldn't feel like you have to be alone just because you're fighting with Finn.” 

“But-” 

“Just tell him Octavia wanted to see you. It's not a lie. Tell her, O.”

Octavia shouts a confirmation from somewhere behind Bellamy, making Clarke smile despite the way she still cries. 

“Fine.”

She hears Octavia celebrate in the background and Bellamy shushes her. 

“Awesome. I'll send an Uber.”

“You don't have to.”

“Don't argue with me. I'll text you.”

He hangs up and Clarke begins wiping at her tear stained face. She turns her light back on and gets redressed quickly. Once she hits her bowl a couple of times, she's ready to go. 

Bellamy texts her a screenshot confirmation of the Uber and she goes to knock on Finn's door, intending to let him know that she's heading out. 

“Hey, babe?”

She opens the door slowly after no answer. She's greeted with Finn, headphones on, leaned back in front of his computer, one hand moving rapidly up and down and the other clutching his phone. His hard cock stands tall in his lap, and suddenly the events of the last few days mean nothing. She's moving across the room and dropping to her knees before she can even really think, but-

He startles, hard, nearly falling out of his chair, at the sight of her. 

“Fuck! What are you doing?” Finn yells. “Goddammit, Clarke-” His phone falls to the ground, and she glances at it, and it's-

It's a FaceTime call.

Her heart sinks, and she freezes. 

“You can't just walk into my room-”

“Sorry, I-” She scrambles backwards, falling onto her rear as he moves to cover himself rapidly. 

“Get out!”  

It shocks her enough to send her fleeing. She throws herself to her feet, moving as quickly as she can in her stunned state. She slams his door behind her as she flies down the hall and out their front door. She keeps running until she's standing on the street in front of their building, a cold rainfall finally forcing her to stop when she realizes she's forgotten a coat. 

Her phone buzzes in her pocket. Numb, she unlocks it, her text thread with Bellamy still open from before. 

Uber should be there. 

-

By the time Clarke makes it to Bellamy's house, the hurt has fallen away, replaced by anger. But she isn't sure about what she saw, and she's going to his best friends house behind his back, and-

Fuck.

When did everything get so messy?

Bellamy answers the door in his fucking glasses, hair wet like he just got out of the shower. He smiles, but when he takes in the sight of her, he frowns. 

“Geeze, I knew you were upset, but-”

“He fucking-” Clarke starts, but stops herself. “I caught him masturbating on a FaceTime call when I went to tell him I was leaving.” 

“What the fuck? Come inside. Where's your coat?”

She follows him in and shuts his door harder than necessary. “I wasn't really thinking about a coat after I caught him masturbating on a FaceTime call .”

“Okay, well, come sit by the fireplace.”

He ushers her deeper into his house with a firm hand on her lower back. Clarke goes willingly, too hurt, too mad, too overwhelmed to resist. 

Octavia is already in the living room, and her reaction to Clarke mirrors Bellamy's. 

“What’s wrong?” The younger girl asks, and Clarke shrugs. 

“Finn.”

“Oh, what a dick.”

It's enough to make Clarke snort despite how she's feeling. Octavia grins and moves over on the couch. “Come sit with me! You look cold.”

“I really am.” 

Bellamy smiles at them as Clarke settles next to Octavia, who slings an arm around her shoulders and a blanket over their laps. He leaves them alone after that, and the two girls talk about school and work. 

“So,” Octavia starts after a lapse in conversation. “Finn? What did he do?” 

Clarke explains and Octavia frowns. 

“Who could he be FaceTiming?”

Clarke hesitates. 

“I guess I'm not really sure he was even on FaceTime. It could've been some new porn thing.”

Octavia shakes her head. “It could've been an OnlyFans model, but I don't know of any specifically FaceTime centered porn categories. Maybe the ones where they're fucking someone and they're on the phone with someone else, but-”

“Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Maybe it was fake.”

“What did he say when you asked about it?” 

Clarke winces. “I didn't. I- I just ran.” 

Octavia whistles. “I mean, understandable. I don't know, Clarke. You should probably talk to him before you decide anything.”

“Decide?” 

“I mean, what are you going to do if he was on a FaceTime call? What if he's-” 

“I don't know.” 

“You can't stay with him if he's-”

“I know. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm- I'm scared.” Clarke shrugs one shoulder and looks at her hands. “I love him.” 

“So you're just going to, what, pretend it didn't happen?” 

“No, I mean, I should probably apologize for walking in on him the way I did.” 

“You can't be serious.”

“He was pretty upset. That plus the fact that I embarrassed him at our Halloween party- I should probably just tell him I'm sorry and try to move on from it.”

“What happened at the Halloween party?”

“She was too hot and Finn got insecure.” Bellamy comes back to the room abruptly, a couple of mugs in hand. “Look, I love the guy, too, but you should not be the one apologizing. He's too stubborn.” 

“ I'm too stubborn. I should've just apologized when he made it clear he was mad.”

“He shouldn't have been mad in the first place.” Bellamy sets the mugs down on his coffee table. “Green tea with a spoonful of sugar. It's hot.”

“Thanks.” 

“Clarke, you don't really think you did something wrong, do you?” Octavia asks as Clarke takes a sip of tea. 

“I mean, I made him uncomfortable. That's the last thing I want to do. I went into his private space without consent.”

“I still think it's weird that you guys have separate bedrooms.” Octavia sips her tea. 

“I kind of like it.” Bellamy smirks at Clarke, who ignores him. 

“Look, this is just a rough patch. Every relationship has them. We love each other, we just need to get past this.”

“Princess, there's no getting past that he wants you to fuck other people so that he doesn't have to-”

“ Bellamy. ”

“What is he talking about?” Octavia demands, pushing off the couch to stand next to her brother. They both look down at Clarke expectantly, and she sighs again. 

“We… Have differing views on sex.” 

“That's an understatement.” Bellamy scoffs, turning to leave. “You know where I'll be.” He sends a small wave over his shoulder as he exits the living room. 

“What does that mean?” Octavia asks once Bellamy is gone. 

“Long story short, he told me that if I want kinky sex, to find it somewhere else. And he meant it.”

“God, that sucks. Are you sure this is just a rough patch?”

“Yeah, I mean, we're both adjusting to what he suggested. I haven't had any dates yet, but-” She rolls her eyes. “I don't know. It's been hard.”

“Hard? To get dates?”

“To get past feeling guilty. Or, like, I don't know. Broken. Like, none of this would be happening if I were just normal. ”

Octavia pats Clarke’s back gently. “You're not broken, lady. But- look, you were never going to be ‘normal’- whatever that means. You're awesome. And stupid talented.” The younger girl smirks and lays a suggestive hand on Clarke’s leg. “If I weren't seeing someone, I'd get kinky with you in a heartbeat.” 

It makes Clarke burst out laughing, and Octavia follows suit a second later. They giggle for a few moments at the suggestion. Octavia has always been devastatingly straight, and though Clarke swings all ways, Octavia isn't really what she has in mind for this. 

Clarke follows their laughter by questioning Octavia thoroughly about her new partner. O is tight-lipped, though, only giving Clarke the very basics- his first name, a vague description that centers mostly around his hands (sending Clarke into another fit of giggles), and the city he lives in. 

Eventually, Octavia heads to bed, leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts again. 

She tries to sleep, she really does. But- 

Octavia seems so excited about her new relationship. Clarke misses that- the excitement, the anticipation, the passion. She wonders if everyone loses that as time goes on. She hopes that isn't the case, for some reason that escapes her. Probably for Octavia's sake. 

She's watching reruns when her phone buzzes.

Still awake?  

She grins. 

I am. 

Bellamy types and deletes his message a few times, the ‘...’ bubble popping up and down as he does. 

Finally, he takes mercy on the way her heart beats rapidly, and responds. 

Cmere

She practically leaps from the couch and skips to his room, not bothering to knock. Clarke ignores how bad of an idea this is, and tells herself that Finn deserves it as she opens the door, excited, and- 

He's leaned back in bed, his phone in his left hand and in his right- 

It's the first time she's really seen his cock. It's- impressive. Tan like the rest of him, and freckled, and tall, and-

He works it slowly, lazily holding his phone about a foot from his face. Like he's just warming himself up. 

Her mouth starts to water. 

“Baby,” 

She doesn't even notice that he's looking at her as she closes his door behind her. 

“Come look at yourself.” 

Her feet pull her forward as her mind tries to comprehend what he's saying. 

“Hmm?” 

“Princess, look.”

She finally pulls her eyes off his dick and finds him holding his phone out. On it is a picture.

It's her , from the night of the Halloween party. Her costume hugs her curves, and she's smiling, laughing at something Jasper had said, and- 

Fuck. 

“I didn't realize anyone took any pictures that night.”

“I took a few. Couldn't help it. My baby walking around like that, so fucking sexy, for anyone to see? Fuck, I was-” He sighs and his eyes flutter closed as if he's imagining it. She takes another step forward. He turns, slinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “I can't believe I kept my hands off you all night. My Princess.” 

She walks towards the bed dumbly as he talks, and by the time he's finished, she's kneeling between his legs. 

“Go ahead, pretty girl.” 

It's all she needs to push her forward, taking his hand and pushing it away. He chuckles darkly as her own hand wraps around him. As she leans down to take him between her lips, he stops her. 

“What do you say?”

“Thank you…?”

He grins, using a single finger to lift her chin so she looks at him rather than his cock. 

“Thank you, what?”

“Thank you for the opportunity, sir.”

It comes out of fucking nowhere. But his grin turns wicked, and he moves his hand to the back of her neck, gently nudging her downwards, which she takes as a sign that she's done something right. 

And, dammit, his dick is fucking gorgeous, which she acknowledges now as she looks at it. Her mouth still waters, and she's so wet just from looking at it. 

So despite her guilt, despite the thin walls between Bellamy's and Octavia's rooms, despite everything, she takes him into her mouth, and gives him all she's got. 

She thinks her mouth should probably be dry from her residual high, but it isn't. Instead, it's downright slobbery as she moves up and down his shaft. She hollows her cheeks, creating a soft, warm vacuum around him. Her tongue peaks out to lick at him as she takes a moment to look up at him. What she finds makes her moan against him as she sinks back down. 

He's just- watching . He has a warm, yet, almost devious smile looking down at her as she bobs her head. His hand moves slowly from the back of her neck to the top of her head, pushing down firmly as his smile grows. 

His hand encourages her to sink down on him as far as she can go, his cock broaching the back of her throat abruptly. She moves eagerly, happy to swallow him as deeply as he'll go. As her jaw pops, allowing him deeper, she sticks her tongue out, prodding and stroking at the space between the base of his shaft and his balls. 

“That's my good girl,” He groans and holds her there, not letting her up for air. She focuses on breathing through her nose as her throat threatens to reject him. She gags once, but he holds her on him through it, and she recovers quickly. “Pretty fucking mouth.” One of his hands comes down to slap her cheek gently. She tries to hum. He swears. 

Finally, he relents, letting her head go for a moment, and she sits up a bit, spluttering. He lets her catch her breath, then moves to rest his hands on either side of her face, gently pushing her back down onto him and then slowly pulling her up. 

She's never been so wet from giving head before. But, fuck, he's putting on quite a show for her. Moaning and cussing, twitching and rolling his hips. She can't take her eyes off of him, despite the way tears roll down her cheeks. 

Besides, she's hardly giving anything. He's doing most of the work, practically using her mouth for his pleasure. 

And it's not that she's never been used before. Plenty of people, sexual partners or otherwise have used her- whether it's for money, sex, power, or something else, she's been used. 

But this… is different. Bellamy is rough, putting on the perfect careless act, like she's a toy. But it's the smallest gestures Bellamy makes that tell her she's safe. He swipes at her tears with his thumb. He runs his fingers through her hair, holding it back, out of her face. And when she gets a bit overwhelmed and taps on his hip, he lets her go without hesitating.

“Good, Princess. Breathe.” 

“Sorry, I-”

“No. You're- That was-”

“I could've kept-”

“I'm proud of you, baby.”

She melts. “You are?” She hardly recognizes her own voice, the whine that accompanies it. 

“Of course I am. Your mouth is amazing.” 

She can't help it, she beams at him. “Can I keep-”

“No, no more tonight.” 

She pouts. What has gotten into me ? She wonders. 

Her pout makes him chuckle. As he tucks himself back into his pants, he explains. “ Princess, any more will kill me.” He glances at her lips and his smile turns dark. Without another word, he takes her chin in his fingers and pulls her into a searing kiss. 

She knows he's still hard, so, slowly, she reaches for him. The second that she touches him through his pants, though, his hand catches her wrist. 

“Didn't I say no more?”

“No more head. Not no more-”

“I meant you won't touch me any more. I'll touch you plenty, don't worry.” 

“But-”

“Are you arguing with me? Really?” 

Clarke bites her lip, worried that she's upset him. Despite their still close proximity, he stares at her, one eyebrow raised, expecting an answer. 

“No.” 

He hums thoughtfully. “Yes, you were.” 

She looks away, embarrassed. “I wasn't-” 

“You were. But I'll let it slide this time.”

She almost pushes back on his attitude until she looks back at him, and he's grinning, like before. Like he knows how much she likes it, despite her knee jerk reaction to argue. 

“That, uh, that reminds me. We should-” He pulls on her hand, making her sit next to him on the bed. “We should talk.”

“Now?” 

“Yes, now. Remember the questions I asked you our first night together? About, like, what you're looking for? Have you thought about them at all?”

“Uh-” She pulls her legs up to her chest and tries to shake off the way her head still spins. “Yeah.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mm-hmm.” She hums an affirmative, unsure of what exactly she's supposed to say. Of course she's thought about it. She's done nothing but think about it. 

“Can I ask you some more questions?”

“Sure.”

“I already know some of why you're attracted to BDSM, but I want to hear it from you.” 

“I-” She shrugs. “It's hot.” 

“Seriously, why?”

“Um,” Clarke shifts, still trying to clear her head. “You kind of hit it on the head the other night. I'm always in charge of everything. And, uh- I guess part of it is probably trauma related. I… I want to be taken care of. I want someone to want to take care of me, and mean it.” 

“What else?” 

“Mmm, I guess- the biggest thing is effort. Like, the whole thing with BDSM is that both parties have to be into it. It sounds like there's a lot of talking, and…” She stops, a bit nervous to continue. 

“Go ahead, Princess.”

His encouragement is all she needs to push forward. “And seduction. I don't know. The idea of two people who feel so safe with each other that they'll do potentially dangerous or taboo things to each other really turns me on. I want to be desperate for someone who's desperate for me.” 

She's too afraid to look at him, scared that she'll find his regret. Maybe he'll realize she's too much. Maybe he'll tell her this is a mistake again. 

Instead, he demands that she looks at him, and when she does, all she sees is fire behind his eyes. Her eyes widen, taking in the intense way he gazes at her. It overwhelms her quickly, and she ducks her head, averting her eyes. 

“What about you?” She finally asks, trying to break up the tension. 

“What about me?”

“Why are you attracted to being a dom? Besides being generally overprotective.” 

“I don't… No one's ever asked me that.” He chuckles a bit as he says it, as if he's a bit astonished at the realization. 

“Well, I'm asking now.” She says simply, and he smiles at her. 

“You really want to know?” 

“I- Of course. I'm curious.” 

“I mean, it's like you said. A lot of it is probably trauma related. I feel like I wasn't careful or caring enough throughout my life. Like I failed people. So some of it is wanting to make up for that, make people feel so good- or, at least, overwhelmed- that they forget everything else for a while.” 

“You haven't failed anyone, you-”

“Hey, now, this isn't therapy. I- I know I haven't. But it's… like, a gut feeling.” He waves his hand as if dismissing the thought. “I haven't even gotten to the shady shit yet.”

“Shady?”

“Yeah, uh, the stuff that scares people away.”

“You won't scare me away.” She's earnest as she says it, but he shoots her a doubtful look. 

“Yeah, well… I wouldn't blame you if it does.”

“Try me.”

He just watches her for a moment, apparently trying to read her face. She smiles softly, trying to be encouraging. He sighs again. 

“Fine. I, um, I like breaking people. Especially girls like you.” 

She shivers at his unintentional use of words from one of her common fantasies. Biting her lip, she dares to push. 

“Girls like me?”

“Yeah, the usually refined, hard-working, stubborn girls.”

“Oh.” Clarke is his type. Now it all makes sense, the flirting, the teasing, all of this. She tries to hide her disappointment. 

“I mean, it takes more than that to pique my interest. But if I don't have a committed sub, that's the… type… I tend to go for.”  

She can't help it, she smiles a bit. Something about her did pique his interest, apparently. She wonders what it could've been. Maybe it's her argumentative nature. Maybe it was the way she always dresses to impress. Maybe it was her curves. 

“Anyways, yeah, I want to break people. Make them lose their composure and… fully commit. To me, to the scene, to whatever dynamic we have. I want to make people forget. I don't want anyone I'm with to worry about anything but me . I want girls like you to give in to me. To my ability to take care of you. To give you what you need.”

Dammit. She's wet all over again, mouth hanging slightly open as she tries to process his words. 

“Scared yet?” He asks, and she shakes her head furiously. 

“ No. It's- You're… That’s hot. I want… you to do that to me.”

“Do what? Break you?” 

“ Yeah. ” 

“I mean… Yeah. I plan to.”

She's nearly panting, trying to keep up with the way her heart beats rapidly in her chest. “Really?” 

“If you, um, really want it… Of course. What else do you want?” He asks, leaving her a bit dumbfounded. 

“What do you mean?”

“I asked already, but, what kind of dynamic do you want? Just a general Dom? Or do you want me to be your Daddy? Or your Master? What kind of honorifics are you interested in?”

Her mouth waters. “All of the above? Finn just said the sex I have has to be kinky. He didn't put any rules on what kind of dynamic that means. ” She smiles shyly, but he grins, giving her a bit of confidence. 

“Okay, baby. Depends on the night, huh?”

“Yeah…”

“And tonight?”

“Whatever you want, sir.” 

His grin morphs into something darker. 

“Calm down, we're still just talking.”

“For how long?” She whines. He laughs, his smile beaming down at her. 

“Until I understand your interests.”

“I'm interested in everything. ”

“Really, everything?” He challenges. “Piss?” He inquires, like he's trying to find the furthest of her limits.

She raises her eyebrows. “Not really. Maybe.”

He matches her expression. “Really?”

“If you wanted to pee on me, I mean… I wouldn’t say no. ” 

Bellamy closes his eyes like he's trying to keep his composure. “Okay, okay. So… humiliation? Dirty talk? Praise?”

“Yeah, green light, yes, whatever you need to hear.” 

He laughs again, opening his eyes and glancing at her briefly. “DDLG? Age play? Orgasm denial?”

“Sometimes to all of those. I'll let you know.”

“Heard. Ropes?”

Her eyes flutter closed. “ God, please.”

“ Later. We should probably just take the BDSM test. It's a good tool for starting the conversation.”

“Tool? Jesus, you sound like you've done this a few times.”

“A few. Nothing like you, though. Most people… most of the women I've been with have been, like, surface level kinky. But you're… I don't know. You're into it. Experimental.” 

It's her turn to grin, and she agrees to the BDSM test. He grabs her phone and presses the power button, lighting up her notifications. 

He frowns. 

“You, uh, have a text.”

He hands her phone to her. 

It's from Finn. 

sorry. U caught me off guard. 

Will u come home? I wanna talk. 

In person 

Look, text can't convey everything i wanna say. 

I love you. 

where'd u go?

some other guys house huh

Should've figured

Can't keep it in ur pants even when we rnt solid

Whatever

She realizes she's frowning when Bellamy gently takes her phone back from her. He types a brief message and hands it back to her. 

Im with octavia. Bellamy will bring me home tomorrow and we can talk. 

“He…”

“He asked for this.” Bellamy asserts, and Clarke shrugs. 

“I don't really want to talk about him. Pull up this test.”

Bellamy smirks, taking her phone back and typing in the site name before handing it back to her. He grabs his own phone and types in the same URL. 

“This way we can compare results.” He explains, and she nods, understanding quickly the point of this exercise. 

He tells her to take the longer version of the test, and she agrees, clicking the answers that most accurately describe her. The first few questions are enough to make her mouth water again, but she holds back, trying to give both of them time to finish the test. 

I like forcing my partner into submission, much more than them submitting spontaneously. 

“Is that you? Question number five?” 

“Which one?” He reads the fifth question on his test, and it matches, so she nods. “I mean, yeah. If my partner is into that. And, I like physical games, too.”

“Like, wrestling me into a fuckable position?”

He glances at her, an eyebrow raised, his gaze intense enough to make her squirm. “Yeah, Princess.” 

She smiles. “Cool.”

I would like to serve in a formal setting with explicit slave training, prescribed physical positions, rituals, etc. 

“I don't know if I'd be into that.” She says, and he looks at her screen. She points at the question, and he shrugs. 

“I think it just means you want to have a formal dynamic in place. With rules, punishment, that sort of stuff.”

“Oh. Then, should I put ‘neutral’? Or ‘slightly agree'?”

“Whatever sounds right for you.”

She purses her lips, thinking it over. “I think we could negotiate something like that.” 

“You want me to set rules for you? I… I could work with that.”

“I mean, I don't know. I'm willing to give it a shot.” 

“Then I'd put ‘slightly agree’. It's not something you'd seek out on your own, but if it fits, it fits, right?” 

“Yeah, that's pretty much right.” 

“Cool.” He turns back to his test. 

She gets 100% rope bunny. 99% submissive. 98% little. 91% experimentalist and brat. The rest is easy to assume, high scores on the submissive stuff, low scores on the dominant. 

Bellamy gets 100% rigger. 99% dominant. 91% brat tamer.

It seems they're a perfect match, as far as this test goes. 

He kind of chuckles as they go over their results, but it isn't really an amused chuckle. It's darker, like he can't really believe what he's seeing. 

“I guess we can get into specifics as they come. But, it's good to know that I was mostly right about you.” 

They talk for hours. She's incredibly turned on the whole time, especially as it grows later and later, and his voice gets a tired edge to it. 

Finally, he puts a hand on her leg and squeezes gently. “Okay.” Bellamy draws in a sharp breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Just, uh…” He laughs softly, and he sounds a bit exasperated. 

“What?” 

“I don't know how I'm gonna do this.”

She panics a bit. “What do you mean? I thought… I thought this was all good.”

“It is. That's the thing. You're-” He scrubs a hand over his face. “It's more than good. It's damn near perfect. I don't know how I'm going to keep my shit together.” 

She relaxes from her panic. “Who says you have to?” 

“Your boyfriend.” He points out the obvious, making her deflate a little. “I doubt he'd be okay with me being all over you everywhere we go together.” 

“So… Do you want to call this off?”

“God, no. I don't think I could even if I wanted to.” He rolls towards her, his hand sliding up her leg so it rests just below her core. “Do me a favor?”

“Hmm?” She's already almost too distracted to pay attention to his words, his proximity to her heat making her dizzy again. 

“Go ahead and strip to your panties.” 

She can't do anything but swallow thickly for a long moment. But then she draws the courage to look at him, and sees no room to do anything but obey. 

So she stands slowly, facing away from him and trying to find her balance as her legs shake a bit. As she pulls her shirt over her head, Bellamy continues. 

“I made you a promise. I'm going to touch you, as much as you want. But first, I want something from you.” 

“Yes, sir?” She unclips her bra and casts it aside. Behind her, he inhales sharply. He doesn't say anything though, so she pauses before she starts on her pants. “Sir?” 

“Keep undressing, baby.” 

She unbuttons her pants and slides them down her legs quickly. She wonders briefly about her socks, and ultimately decides to pull them off and sling them aside.

When she starts to turn, he stops her. “Sit down.” And as she listens to him, and sits, she realizes that he's turned again, his legs hanging over the edge of the bed like before, so she's forced to sit between his legs. When she's settled, he leans forward, pressing his chest to her back. “I'll touch you plenty. Don’t worry, baby, I keep my promises.” His fingertips trace up her inner thighs, stopping short of where she wants him. He finds the edge of her panties, pinching the fabric between his fingers and pulling gently. Suddenly, his hands fall away. 

“Touch yourself.”

She's too shocked to say anything back, and she hesitates. She thought-

He leans in even closer, whispering in her ear. “Do I need to make you?” His hands find hers, guiding them to her panties. He slips their right hands under the thin fabric, forcing her hand to open and moving it against her. She sighs as her palm makes contact with the warm, wet skin between her legs. 

A moment later, she finds herself grinding down on her own hand, no finesse to it at all. Her left hand, still clasped in his, goes to her breast, and she isn't sure which of them really made that decision. His right hand slides up her arm, letting her move on her own. 

“Good girl.” He purrs in her ear. “Tell me what you think about.” 

“Huh?” 

“When you're touching yourself, all alone, what do you think about?” 

Clarke bites her lip, thinking. Her hips roll as she remembers one of her favorite fantasies, one that's always sure to get her off quickly. 

“Um, I-” Her hips stutter as she tries to concentrate enough to talk. “Being used at a party. A bunch of people playing with me.” 

“What else?”

She whines. “Being fucked silly. Losing my mind a little.” 

“By what? Toys, fingers? My dick?” 

“Whatever you want, sir.” She switches movements, fingers finding her clit and rolling it around gently. She feels Bellamy grin against her neck. 

“Okay, baby. Keep talking.” He starts kissing her neck, and she shivers. 

“Getting spanked. Getting punished.” His tongue peaks out, licking softly at the skin below her ear. “I want, oh, god, sometimes I just want my ass played with.” He nips at her with sharp teeth, nibbling up her neck towards her ear. “I wanna try to take two, I wanna be stuffed, I want-” She shudders as he breathes hot air into her ear. 

“You just wanna be a little slut sometimes, huh?” 

“ Yeah. ” Her fingers work against herself furiously. He smiles against her shoulder. 

“Pretty girl, you're doing so fucking good, touching yourself for me. Keep talking.”

“I want you to overpower me, take control, make me do things I wouldn't for anyone else-”

“I will, I promise I will, pretty girl.” 

She moans. “I want your fingers, your cock, your mouth- fuck, please, sir!”

He gives in to her, his right hand slipping back down her arm and into her panties. His left lingers on her breast, occasionally tugging and plucking at her nipple. His fingers find her entrance, ducking in briefly to gather the moisture that oozes there. He pulls his hand back out of her underwear and spreads his fingers in front of her. “So fucking wet. Who are you this wet for?” 

“You.”

“Who?”

“You, sir, only you.” 

“You could never get this wet for someone else, huh?” 

“Never-” She groans, two of his fingers slipping back into her. They move slowly, like he's trying to torture her. 

“Never? Not for anyone? ”

“Just you, sir.”

“What's my good little slut gonna do when she goes home?”

“Touch myself more-”

“No, the only way you're allowed to touch yourself is if I tell you to. Okay?”

Her mouth falls open on a soft oh . She nods her head. “Yes, sir.” 

“What else? What is this pretty little girl gonna do for me when she goes home?” 

“I don't know.” His fingers pick up the pace, drawing her closer to her release. 

“Are you gonna ask for what you need?”

“Yes, yes, sir.”

“Is this slut gonna beg for even more? One cock can't be enough for my baby. She needs more.”

“Yes, fuck, I'll beg. I'll get on my knees and-”

“And you'll beg for another man's come. Begging is the only way you deserve it, slut.” 

Fuck. His fingers curl and her hips buck. But it's not enough. 

“Please,” She whimpers. “Please let me come.” Her fingers keep working, and his only slide in further. 

“Is that the best you've got?”

“Let me come for you, sir, please, I wanna- I want to show you… Please, please, more. ”

He swears, and his left hand finally leaves her breast to push her right hand away from her clit. He takes control, his relentless massage pushing her closer to her orgasm. 

“How's that, baby? You like it when I take over?”

“ God , yes, please-”

“Anyone else gonna make you come like this?”

“ No one. ” She promises, and he bites her shoulder, sucking hard. She squirms against him.

“Princess,” He says, and she's so close, and- “Come for me.”

It turns out, that was all she needed- permission. She comes harder than she has in a long, long time. His ministrations never stop for a moment, working her through her overwhelm. She trembles for a long time, collapsed back onto him as he whispers praise into her neck. 

“Good, good girl.” He hisses, finally relenting and moving his hands to her hips, pulling her more firmly against him. Even through his pants, she can tell he's hard again. As she regains her senses, she grinds back into him. He cusses. “You trying to make me crazy? Trying to make me just… take you? Make you mine again?” 

“ Please, ”

He moves rapidly, like he can't wait. Neither can she. He lays on his back and puts her on his lap, pulling on her hips. “Take what you need, baby.”

So she grinds on him, her hands landing on his firm abdomen. His hands find hers, squeezing. For some reason, it gives her the confidence to keep moving. 

Eventually, he pulls his dick out, and again, the only thing separating them is her panties. It makes her recall their first night together- his lips searing into hers, Finn only a room away- and she can't help but acknowledge the way she's soaked, making the thin fabric even less of a barrier. 

“You like this? Driving me insane?”

“M-hm.” The next thing she says shocks even her. “Daddy-”

He hesitates for only a second before responding.  “You want daddy to fuck you, baby?” 

Oh, god. 

“Fuck, fuck- ”

“No dirty words, little girl. Daddy needs help, will you help me?” 

She's nearly crying from relief, his words hitting every soft spot she didn't know she had. 

“Anything, daddy.”

“Hold still.” He drags his hips against her, pressing her hips down as he draws himself back and forth. His hand comes down to press his dick more firmly against her, and she gasps. 

“Daddy,”

“It's okay, baby. Let daddy take care of you.” His fingers find the side of her underwear and move them aside. Her slick meets his heat, and it only serves to make both of them moan out loud. 

“Daddy, daddy, please-”

“Shh, I've got you, baby.”

He slips into her almost as if it's an accident. She hisses, adjusting to the feeling of being conjoined after what's felt like hours of teasing. He's still for a long moment before his hand finds her core. 

She gasps. 

“Wha-”

“Let daddy make you come again. Just take it, honey.” 

She holds as still as she can, letting him roll his hips up into her. His thumb moves against her determinedly, his eyes never leaving hers. 

It doesn't take as long, for her second orgasm. He fucks into her through it, extending the way she shivers against him. 

“ Fuck, da-”

His hand comes down against her ass, hard.

“What did I say? No dirty words for my girl.”

She falls against his chest, and his arms come around her. His embrace is so warm, she sinks even further into him. He keeps fucking her, his shaft pistoning in and out of her as she whimpers into his neck. 

“Does my baby want daddy's come?” 

“Mm-hm.”

“Say it, princess.”

“I want it.”

“What do you want?”

“I want my daddy's come, please, come in me, give me-” 

He cuts her off with another deep, guttural groan as he buries himself deep inside her. He rests there for a moment, then slowly begins moving again, pushing his seed even further into her. All she can do is hum as he murmurs into her ear. 

“My good girl. Mine. Fucking perfect. So good.” 

“Really?”

“Fuck, baby . Amazing. Mine. ” 

Something about that word gives her deep gratification. All she can do is hum, her satisfaction catching up to her. 

He doesn't pull out until long after he's gone soft. It surprises her a bit, but he doesn't clean himself up before tucking himself away again. 

“Lay back.” Bellamy pushes gently at her shoulder and she moves off of him and lays down. He sits up so he towers over her. “Oh, honey, look at you.” Her eyes fall shut as one of his hands finds her heat again. His thumb runs up and down, then briefly dips into her. “Fuck,” His voice is gruff as his other hand comes down to hold her leg up. “You like being full of my come?” She nods. He looks at her like he wants to demand that she says it out loud, but as his middle and ring fingers slip into her, he gets distracted. Pulling his fingers out, he continues. “Taste us, baby.” He leans forward and presses his fingers to her lips. Her tongue peaks out, but as her lips part, he pushes his fingers deep into her mouth. She makes a soft sound of surprise, but quickly wraps her lips and tongue around his fingers, sucking gently. He grins. “Yeah, good slut.” He lets her suckle at his digits for a long moment, seemingly amazed, if the slow way he licks his bottom lip is any indication. 

When he finally removes his fingers from her mouth, she nearly whines. The taste of them, together, is like candy to her. 

She's so busy mourning the loss of the weight of his fingers on her tongue that she hardly notices when he starts touching her again. A rough thumb pad from one hand finds her clit, and the two fingers that had been in her mouth from the other hand slip back into her. 

“What are yo-”

“Like I said, a promise is a promise. And I hardly think that two is ‘plenty’.”

“But-”

“You don't want any more?” He asks, and she has to suppress a whimper. 

“I- I do.”

“Okay, baby.” 

He starts moving his fingers without another word. He builds up a torturous pace, making her writhe from overwhelm. Still sensitive from the way he's already thoroughly taken care of her, it's on the edge of painful as he slides his fingers in and out of her. Somehow, that makes it even better. 

He carefully gives her everything that she needs. It sends her toppling, fast and hard, all at once, almost taking her by surprise. 

“My god, Princess. You're ruining my comforter.” He says, dawning a downright devilish smile. His head tilts as she continues to tremble under his hands. “Keep coming, baby.” He crooks his fingers and bit more, pressing up, and- 

The sound that leaves her is foreign to her, so high pitched but so quiet, from so deep inside of her. It's an entirely new kind of orgasm for her, this sudden release . She feels a surge of wetness, hears the way Bellamy chuckles darkly. He pulls his hands away quickly, and somehow, she keeps fucking coming. 

“Fucking hell. Coming all over the fucking place. My baby. Making a goddamn mess.” 

She pants, shaking feverishly. If she could think properly, she'd probably wonder how the hell he did that. She'd probably ask if she really just-

“Have you ever come like that?” He asks, and when she doesn't immediately answer, he leans forward, taking her face in his hands and making her look at him. “ Ever ?” 

“No.” She admits shakily. His smile grows. 

“ Good. ” He pulls himself onto his knees, looking down at her as he rises. “Don't move.” He reaches for his phone and sits back on his knees, holding it up to his face. It lights up, and one of his hands comes down to lift her leg up again. Now that she's spread, he-

A shutter sound disrupts the silence of the room. 

Then another. 

And another. 

He moves his phone around, capturing different angles, grinning the whole time. Still in a daze, she can't even bring herself to protest. Finally, he tosses his phone aside and drops her leg. 

“So pretty.” Bellamy drops his fingers to her stomach, tracing up in between her breasts. It draws her further back to reality, spurring her into trying to sit up, but he pushes her back down. “Didn't I just tell you not to move?” 

“Those pictures-”

“Just for me.” He raises an eyebrow. “Baby, I'd never -”

“I know.” 

“Will you let me get you cleaned up?” He asks, and she nods. “ Don't move.” 

He dashes from the room without saying anything else. She does as she's been told and lays there, slowly coming back to herself. By the time he returns, she's a bit worried. 

“Did Octavia see you?” She asks, and he shakes his head. 

“She's asleep. Worried?” 

“A little.” 

“There's nothing to worry about, baby.” His voice is soft as he leans over her again, a wet washcloth in one of his hands. “If there ever is, I'll take care of it. Just like this.” His other hand gently grasps her leg and crooks it at the knee as he drops the cloth to her. 

Bellamy takes his time, making sure she's really clean and dry. “Did you have fun, Princess?” 

“Yes, daddy.”  

He smirks. “That was a welcome surprise. But my pretty girl just couldn't wait to be good for her daddy, could she?” He leans down, kissing her briefly. 

She realizes it's the first time he's kissed her since just after he'd made her stop giving him head. The realization makes her chase his lips, arms coming up to pull him against her. Bracing himself with one hand above her head, he goes willingly, kissing her back with matched fervor. 

When he breaks the kiss, it's only for a moment before he presses his lips back to hers, quickly kissing her again, then again, and again before pulling away. She chases him again, but he pulls further away, chuckling. 

“Relax, let me clean you up.” 

So she lays back, waiting for him to be satisfied with his cleanup job. She wonders what happens next, if she's expected to go back to the couch, if he'll hold her. 

Bellamy answers that question soon enough, finally taking her hand and tugging until she sits up. He sits next to her, facing the opposite direction, and pulls her against his chest in a tight hug. “You're amazing.” He presses a kiss to her ear and draws his fingertips up and down her spine.  “Come lay down with me?”

As much as she can, she scrambles up the bed. He laughs at her enthusiasm as he pulls the top blanket away, revealing another thick blanket under it. She raises an eyebrow. 

“Prepared?”

“No, just, bad circulation.” He pulls the second blanket back and gestures for her to crawl in. “I don't think I'm going to be cold tonight, though.” 

“Shouldn't I go back to the couch?” 

“What? No, baby, you're staying right here.” 

“But, Octavia-”

“Octavia, uh, doesn't mind.” 

Her heart beats faster. “She knows? About… us?” 

“She was with me when I called earlier. It's alright, baby. So far, everything we’re doing is above board. Octavia wouldn't say anything, anyway.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“She's… not a huge fan of your boyfriend. Never has been.” He scoots closer to her and lays his arm out for her to rest her head on. When she lays down, he wastes no time in pulling her closer to him. Their noses are practically touching, and it's the perfect position for him to be able to lower his lips to hers again. The arm that isn't under her head bends, his hand coming up to cradle her jaw and draw her impossibly closer. He keeps her there, flat against him, as he kisses her, eventually rolling them so he hovers over her again. 

Suddenly, he breaks the kiss, pulling away from her abruptly. He doesn't go far, pressing his forehead to hers, but still- it's like he's holding back. 

“Okay?” She asks, her eyes fluttering open to find him already watching her. 

“Fine.” 

“What's wrong?” 

“I've got to stop kissing you like that.” 

She frowns. “Why?” 

He pulls away more, rolling off of her and laying on his back. She mourns the loss of his weight, but he makes up for it quickly by pulling her close again, so she can rest her head on his chest. 

“It's… a boundary of mine. I- sex, kink, play, it's all… separate from kissing. Kissing is, I don't know. Romantic.” 

“Oh. I, um, didn't know you felt like that.” She's confused- he's the one that's initiated most of the kisses they've shared.  

“Yeah, always have, I guess. But, uh, it's also really good for heating things up and cooling things down, so just before and after is okay.” 

Ah. She understands. She thought for a moment, maybe- 

“Anyways, you're just… intoxicating. You make it easy to forget-” He stops himself, squeezing her. 

“To forget what?” 

“Nothing. Just- forget.” 

She hums, arm coming up to wrap around his stomach. “You do, too.” 

“Do you need or want anything else? Was everything we did tonight okay?” 

“I'm okay. Everything we did was great. I'm, um, very satisfied.” 

“I didn't hurt you or anything?” 

“It would be okay if you did.” 

“ Princess, ” He groans. “I hear you. That would definitely change how I do this , though.” He gestures at their bodies. Oh. This is aftercare. Never having experienced it, she hadn't really noticed. She thought he was just cuddly.

“What about you?” 

He hums his confusion at her words, so she continues. 

“Do you want or need anything?” 

“How come you keep doing that?” 

“What?” She laughs a bit, confused again. 

“Surprising me. Asking me things that other people don't care about.” 

“They should care, that's stupid. You need higher standards.” She cranes her neck to look at him, and finds his eyebrow raised. 

“I guess I do.” 

“You didn't answer my question.” 

“No, baby, I'm okay. Knowing that you're okay and liked everything that we did is more than enough for me.”

“I loved it.” 

He glances at her. “Careful with that word, Princess.” 

“Another boundary?” 

“In a way.” 

They keep talking, but eventually their voices turn to whispers, and their sentences become words. Bellamy falls asleep first, and she drifts off listening to his heart beat, chest rising and falling under her head. 

-

She spends the car ride home trying to figure out how she's going to address this shit with Finn. Should she just ask him what he was doing? Apologize for invading his space? Wear her anger on her sleeve and tell him that she's- 

Bellamy’s hand lands on her thigh. 

“You're quiet.” He observes, and she sighs. 

“Yeah, I just… don't know what to say to Finn.”

He's quiet for a long moment, and it's enough to make Clarke think he isn't going to answer at all. Then-

He squeezes her leg. “Just- talk to him. You don't want to go into this accusing, or defensive, or angry. Just… inquisitive. Try to remember that you're a team, even if he hasn't been acting like it lately.” He grumbles the last bit. 

“I don't know. I just- How do I pretend that I'm not hurt?” 

He glances at her. “You don't. You should acknowledge it. He should acknowledge it.” They're both quiet as Bellamy finally turns onto the street that Clarke and Finn live on. Bellamy pulls his hand away. Clarke gathers herself, unbuckling her seatbelt as they approach her apartment building. As she moves to get out of his car, though, he stops her. “Work it out. You guys love each other. That's important.” 

She nods and closes his door. 

-

Finn is waiting for her in the living room, sitting on the couch silently. She sees him the second she walks inside, and forces herself to ignore him for a moment as she takes off Octavia’s coat and hangs it next to their door. When she turns around, Finn is standing. 

“Were you really with Octavia?” He asks, immediately pissing Clarke off. She almost snarks at him, almost spits out a harsh confirmation. But then she takes in his face- He looks shattered. 

So she takes a deep breath and steps to the side, gesturing at Octavia’s coat. “Yeah, she loaned me her coat, see?” She moves closer to him. “Would it be a problem if I weren't with her, though?” 

“Only because you told me you were with her.” 

“Do you mean that? Finn, what's going on, really? Ever since you told me to start seeing other people, I feel like things have been really… tense.” 

He shrugs. “I just… I don't understand it, Clarke. I feel like I'm not enough for you.” 

“Oh, babe, you're enough. You're more than enough, you're great.” She insists, sitting on their couch and patting the space next to her. When he doesn't sit, but looks at the spot hesitantly, she takes his hand and pulls on it gently until he sits. 

“I don't feel great when I know you're out there having sex with other people.” 

“Then I'll stop. I never want you to feel like you aren't my number one, because you're my number one everything .”

“No, because I know I can't satisfy you. You're a sexual being, Clarke. And I love that about you. I, uh, I guess I always knew I wouldn't be able to match your energy in that department.” He reaches up to scratch the back of his head, chuckling lightly. 

She doesn't argue, doesn't disagree. Clarke elects to keep her mouth shut while she waits for him to continue. 

“So, just, give me some time? I'll adjust, I'm just, uh, trying to get used to the new normal.” 

“Are you going to be okay when I start actually meeting people?” 

“Yeah, I think so. I actually think it's the waiting for you to meet someone that has me so freaked out. I'm worried you're so frustrated that you're doing stuff that I know you shouldn't.” 

Clarkes heart melts a bit. He's just been worried. For her. 

“I can handle myself, Finn. You're sweet for worrying about me. I promise, I'll be safe.” 

“Swear?”

“Yes, babe, I promise.” 

“Okay, okay. I trust you.” 

She smiles at the same time as his phone pings where it lays on the coffee table. He quickly leans forward and flips it over so it lays face down. Her smile falls. She's tempted to just ask if that was Raven. She's tempted to wrench the phone out of his hands and-

“Can I ask what that's about?” She asks instead, and he looks at her, seemingly confused. 

“What?” 

“Your, uh, phone. You've never felt like you had to hide it from me before. And, last night-” 

“Are you really making this about yourself right now? I thought we were talking about my feelings.” 

What? Clarke tilts her head. “We were, but-”

“God, you always do this. It's always about what you want. What about what I want? What about my needs?”

“Finn, of course I care about what you want and need. Where is this-”

“Well, right now I need some privacy. Especially after you came into my room uninvited, without even knocking , last night.” 

“I knocked! I even called out to you, but you couldn't hear me because-” 

“Does that really matter? Jesus, you can never just apologize.” 

“Fine, I'm sorry I caught you masturbating on a FaceTime call. Fuck me. I'm sorry. Let's just move on. I love you, I just wanted to know if we were okay.” 

“I wasn't on a fucking FaceTime call. I was watching porn.” 

“Whatever you say.” 

“What, so now you don't trust me? After I just told you how much I trust you?” 

“Look, I don't know, I-”

“Wow. Just, wow. I- Can I have some space, please?” He asks, breathing heavily, and she nods hastily. 

“Of course.” 

“Like, now?” 

“Oh,” She hadn't realized he'd meant the living room. “I was going to make some food, is that-”

“Jesus, Clarke! Give me some space!” He yells, and it's enough to send her scrambling for the hall. 

Once she's in her room, she shuts the door and falls back against it. What is going on?  

She's lost. That was not the man that she's fallen in love with. That aggression, that dismissal of her feelings- it's all new. 

But- 

He's still the man that makes her laugh on her bad days. He's still the man that insists on calling off work on her off days so they can spend more time together. He's still the man that cleans the litter box when she goes out of town. 

At least- she hopes. 

-

He comes to her room later that night, apologetic. Still a bit in shock, she accepts his apologies and welcomes him into bed. 

Finn has never been very patient. He's always been keen on saving time, or, rather, not wasting time. 

Which is why it doesn't surprise her when he leans into her, a whispered hey landing on her ear. And they haven't touched each other in weeks, and Clarke misses him, and-

She kisses him. 

He meets her lips eagerly. 

When he's finally pulled all of their clothes off, she reaches for him, trying to pull him on top of her. 

“I want you close.” She whispers, expecting him to smile and kiss her again. Instead, he cringes. 

“Um, here,” He nudges her gently onto her side and moves to lay behind her. It creates a knot in her stomach, which she dutifully ignores as he settles in. They spoon for a long moment with him dropping soft, wet kisses to her shoulder and neck. 

“You ready, babe?” 

His words make her remember her own words to Bellamy. I'll beg. I'll get on my knees and-

She flushes. Yeah, she's ready now. 

“ Please, ” She whines. Finn hesitates only briefly before slipping himself into her slowly. 

And- it's fine. He grabs at her tits, palms her ass, holds her close. It's enough to make her moan into her pillows. She wishes-

Fuck. 

She wishes he'd push her face into the pillow, roll them over, and fuck her hard. She wishes he'd pull her hair, forcing her to arch her back, taking him deeper and deeper and- 

“Where do you want me to come?” Finns voice is strained behind her. She mulls it over. 

I'll get on my knees and- 

She pulls away from him quickly, jumping over him and landing on the floor. He sits up, following her movements with his eyes. She sinks to her knees. 

“My face, please.” 

“What? Are you-”

“ Please, babe, come on my face.” 

He obliges, grabbing his dick and massaging it until he comes, thick ropes of his hot seed spraying across her eyes, nose, mouth. She grins. 

“Fuck, let me get a towel. Sorry.” 

Her shoulders fall at his words, though she hadn't realized they were raised. She doesn't open her eyes, so can't see, but she hears Finn slip out of the room without another word. She waits where she is, the warm feeling of his come on her face making her passive. 

When he comes back, she hears him stop. “What are you doing? Are you going to come lay down?” 

“Um, I can't see…”

“Oh. Here.” The towel lands on the floor at her knees. She bends, picking it up and quickly wiping at her face in what feels like embarrassment. 

When she can comfortably open her eyes, she climbs into her bed, snuggling against Finn, who already has his back turned to her. She huffs at his disinterest. 

“That was fun…” She offers, and he hums. 

“Yeah, um, I wasn't really sure about the whole… ‘ejaculating on your face’ thing.” 

“You didn't like that?” She asks. She can feel her cheeks turning red. 

“Not really. It was, I don't know. Messy. It made me feel dirty.” 

“Oh.” Clarke turns on her side, spooning him from behind. “I'm sorry.”

“It's okay. We just won't do it again. No harm, et cetera.” 

“Why didn't you want to get on top of me?” She blurts suddenly. She hadn't realized how much his refusal had bothered her until just now, the knot in her stomach twisting further as she settles into her humiliation. 

“Babe, you know why.” 

And she does. He's made comments, before, about her recently acquired new BMI. She doesn't think twenty pounds over almost three years is too bad, but she definitely doesn't look the same as she did when they met. Still, though, she wants to hear him say it, now.

So she prods a bit further, and finally, he sighs. 

“Your tummy.” He admits. “I… don't like looking at it. You're beautiful. I'm just not super attracted to that one part of you.” 

“Oh.” She'd been expecting it, but it still hurts. She had been hoping, despite his past words, that he might have a different reason. 

“It's fine. You're still pretty.” He continues, and yawns.

Still pretty. Somehow, even that feels like a punch to the gut. 

Clarke takes it as a blessing that he has his back turned to her. She's not sure she'd be able to hide the way her face twists in fear. If this is how he feels after twenty pounds, how will he react to and after pregnancy? She's always wanted kids. Will he still be attracted to her when her body changes with pregnancy, with age, with hormone changes? 

Will he be attracted to her enough to stay with her?

By the time she's formulated a response, she can hear him snoring, so she forgets about it. Well, not really. It sits in the back of her mind as she falls asleep, gnawing at her insecurities. 

-

Weeks go by and they settle back into their normal routine. Dinners together, sex twice a week. Thanksgiving approaches rapidly, and Clarke is really looking forward to seeing Finn's hometown again. They've visited the town he grew up in every year for Thanksgiving, meeting with his extended family for dinner and exploring the small town otherwise. It's one of her favorite traditions. It makes her feel closer to him. 

She mentions her excitement off handedly, one night, at dinner. He sort of clams up, knuckles turning white around his fork. She prods, and he finally drops his fork. 

“I was just thinking I might want to go by myself this year.”

What? 

“What?” She asks, because it's their tradition, he didn't even bother going home before they met. She wants to look at the decorations people put up, she wants to see his family, she-

“I just, I don't know. I haven't seen my family by myself in a while. I would kind of just like to be able to give them my undivided attention.” 

Clarke hesitates. It doesn't sound right. She's the one that's always trying to make conversation with his family, she's the one asking what they should bring to dinner, she's the one-

“Okay.” Is all she says, and despite the way she tries to put on a brave face, her voice breaks. She puts her fork down and looks at her hands, trying to hide the way tears well in her eyes. Ouch. 

“God, Clarke.” He huffs, telling her she didn't succeed in hiding her tears. “It’s fine. I'm not mad at you or anything. I just want to see my family. Is that so wrong?” 

“No.” 

“Jeeze, I didn't know you'd make this such a big deal. Sorry. I just-”

“It's fine. I get it.” She lies. She doesn't get it, at all. And it's not fine, she's fucking hurt. But she doesn't want to be the one to start a fight, not after they've just figured out their last fight. 

“I mean, I already told them I was coming alone. I can't really change my mind now, it's only a few days away.” 

“Yeah, it's okay.” She says, taking her napkin off her lap and folding it. “I, um, hope you have fun.”

“Babe-”

“Leave it, Finn. It's- it's okay.” She pushes her plate away and stands. “I have some… work to do. So, um, I'll be in my room. Knock if you need me.” 

When she's in her room, she finally lets herself cry. He doesn't follow her, like she had been secretly hoping he would. He doesn’t knock on her door, apologize, tell her she can come. She imagines he's probably still sitting at their counter, eating the dinner she made for them.

She cries and cries, feeling somehow betrayed. Maybe it's just that he's sprung this on her so soon to the holiday. Maybe it's the way her cat, Charity, curls up to her, always loyal, always wanting to spend time with her. Maybe it's the fact that she still doesn't know who Raven is. 

Charity crawls into her lap, purring. It reminds Clarke of the first time Finn met Charity, the way she had instantly warmed to him and crawled in his lap. 

She wonders what went so wrong. 

She wonders why he really wants to go alone. 

-

The week of Thanksgiving comes, and Finn leaves. Clarke drives him to the airport, smiling tightly the whole time as he talks about his plans. Whether it's intentional or not, he plans to do everything they usually do together. She grits her teeth, unwilling to be the reason they fight right before he leaves. 

She drives his car home in silence. 

The day of Thanksgiving, she gets up early, ties her hair back, feeds Charity, and gets to work. There aren't many foods that she can't live without, but a good mashed potato wins her heart every time. And if she can eat it for lunch and dinner- even better. 

Her phone pings just after she's set the potatoes to boil.

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

For the first time today, she smiles. It's likely the only happy wish she'll get from anyone, today, and an unexpected one, at that. She texts Bellamy back, grinning. 

Happy Thanksgiving. Octavia home? 

He answers quickly. 

Yeah, I'm cooking, so of course she's home. How's Arkadia? 

She frowns. She had thought Finn would have mentioned to him that he was going alone. 

Finn didn't tell you? He went by himself this year. 

Bellamy types and deletes his response a few times, but finally responds as she turns to give Charity a few pets. 

You're home alone? 

She's typing out her affirmation when her phone starts buzzing.

“Hey, Bellamy. How's Thanksgiving going?”

“Well, I'm up to my ears in devilled eggs. And stuffing, and mashed sweet potatoes, and-” 

She laughs. “I think I get it. Do you guys have any other family coming?” 

“No, uh, none to speak of. What about you? Why didn't you go see your family, if Finn's going to see his alone?” 

“Um, none to speak of.” She cringes. 

“Why don't you come over, then? You shouldn't be alone.” 

“It’s just Thanksgiving, Bellamy. Besides, Charity is here.” 

“I thought you were alone?”

“Charity is my cat.”

He laughs on the other end of the line. “Bring her too. It'll be a party.” 

It's her turn to laugh. “I'm not going to bring my cat to your house. She'd probably pee on your books, knowing my luck.” 

“Okay, well, either way, you're coming over. Should I send a car?” 

“No, I have Finn’s.” She bites her lip. “But, is it really a good idea for me to come over? Isn't spending holidays together kind of… romantic?” 

She listens to him hesitate. “I mean, we're friends , right?” 

“I guess so.” She says, teasing. 

“Wow, you really know how to give a man some confidence.” 

“Shut up.” She giggles. She can practically hear him smile through the phone. 

“Whatever we are, your boyfriend left you alone on one of the biggest holidays of the year. That sucks . Don't be alone. Come over.”

“Okay, okay. Let me finish my mashed potatoes and I'll bring them over.”

“We're going to have two kinds of mash? Best Thanksgiving ever.” 

“Yeah, well, I hope you guys like garlic.” 

“We love garlic. We aren't vampires, Clarke.” 

“Could've fooled me.” The water starts to boil. “Hey, I've got to go, I'll see you soon.” 

“Promise?” 

“Yeah, I'll be there.”

She hangs up and moves to cover the potatoes, turning down the stove. 

As soon as the potatoes are done, she dumps them into her biggest Tupperware container and practically runs to her room to get ready. 

And, fuck. Bellamy had been right. This does suck. She's still hurt that Finn had been so comfortable leaving her behind. He didn't even seem to realize that she would be upset about his decision. 

So who can blame her if she squeezes into some lingerie that she hasn't worn in years? Really, who can blame her for letting her hair down and brushing it? So what if she sprays a bit of perfume on herself? 

Bellamy is considerate in a way that Finn isn't, at least recently. He acts like he wants to be there for her, or, at least, be around her. She's been needing and craving that kind of attention. That kind of interest in her. That kind of effort. 

Bellamy’s words ring in her ears as she readies herself. So far, everything we’re doing is above board. 

A tiny voice in the back of her head wonders how long that will last. 

-

The lingerie was a mistake. She realizes it as she’s pulling into Bellamy's driveway. It's pulling on her in all the wrong ways, scratching at her skin in all the wrong places. She considers making a mad dash for the bathroom when she gets inside, taking it all off and pretending she'd decided to go braless and pantiless. 

But when Bellamy answers the door and welcomes her inside, she forgets about the itchy lingerie- The warmth, the smell of Bellamy's cooking, Octavia’s happy smile all overwhelms her. Bellamy sweeps her into the kitchen, prompting her to put her potatoes down and help him finish up. 

Octavia sits at the dining table making “helpful” comments as they get everything plated. To her credit, she sets the table in a surprisingly proper fashion. Clarke just raises an eyebrow. Octavia shrugs. “I can be cultured.” 

If Clarke had doubted that she was welcome for even a second, the Blakes dispel any worry. Even better, neither of them bring up Finn. 

The evening eventually descends into the group of them sprawled across the living room as their full stomachs make them sluggish. Octavia manages to pack most of the food away, leaving out a few sides for them to snack on as the night goes on. After that, though, she curls up on the floor in front of the fireplace, with Bellamy and Clarke sharing the couch. The three of them sit, quietly chattering to each other as Gossip Girl plays in the background. 

Clarke knew it would have to come up at some point, and probably should have been ready for it. But it still surprises her when Octavia finally asks why she was alone on Thanksgiving. 

“Um, Finn wanted to visit his family alone this year. It's not a big deal.” Clarke answers, shrugging. 

Octavia quirks an eyebrow. “I thought you guys always went together. Did he say why?” 

“He said he wanted to give them his ‘undivided attention’ and I guess I would get in the way of that. Seriously, it's fine. I like his family and all, but I'm really enjoying myself here.” 

The siblings share a smile. 

“We're glad you're here, too, Princess.” Bellamy pulls her under his arm, squeezing her shoulders gently. Octavia just grins at them briefly before turning back to the TV. Bellamy keeps his arm around Clarke. 

Eventually Octavia slips away to the kitchen, allegedly to bring them soda. When she's gone, Bellamy turns to Clarke, drawing her closer. 

“I am glad you're here, baby.” 

“I- I believe you.” 

“I have a special dessert planned for you, if you're interested, later.” 

“Um-”

“If not, Octavia brought home a pumpkin pie from the store.” He says it so casually, leaning back away from her. And she's confused until Octavia walks back in, soda in hand. 

“If not what?” 

“I was just telling Clarke that I have a special dessert in mind for her-”

“Gross, quit flirting on the family couch.” Octavia hands each of them a soda before retaking her spot on the floor. 

“Then quit being nosy.”

“ Nosy ? You were literally saying it as I walked-”

“Well, then, quit listening-”

“God, you’re so annoying.” 

The siblings continue to squabble. Clarke expects Bellamy to let go of her in his irritation, but instead, he somehow pulls her closer. By the time Octavia gives up and mutters a sarcastic apology, Clarke is practically in Bellamy's lap, her legs slung over his. She squirms a bit, attempting to regain some semblance of appropriate contact, but he just holds her tighter. 

Giving up, she lets herself acknowledge just how warm he is. Sure, the fireplace is lit, and they're under a blanket, but Bellamy's skin sears against hers as she settles against him. 

Octavia ends up falling asleep on the floor, and manages to sleep through Bellamy and Clarke teaming up to move her to the couch. 

They don't say much as they make their way back to Bellamy's room. The anticipation of what he has planned has her trembling as she pushes open his door and leads the way inside. He brushes past her, putting himself between her and the bed. 

“Before I tell you what I have planned, I need to address something. We didn't talk about it before, and that's my bad, but-”

“What?”

“We managed last time to avoid needing it, but, just in case, what are your safe words?” 

“Oh, um, I just want to use the stoplight method.” 

“Okay, easy enough. So, green for good, yellow for slow down or pause, red for hard stop?” She nods and he grins. “Awesome.” He wastes no time in crowding her against the door. “So, what does my baby want tonight?” He leans in close enough for their noses to touch.

“Um, what do you want, sir?” She kind of stumbles into the right headspace, watching the way he casts his eyes up and down her body, lecherous. 

“Oh, Princess, if I could only tell you.” He rests his fingers below her chin and tilts her face up. “Tonight, I think I'm going to tie you up, make you ruin some more blankets, and…” His other hand finds her hip and squeezes. “And fuck you ‘till you can't speak anymore. Sound good?”

She's slack-jawed as she nods her head dumbly. He just smiles and leads her to the bed, where he sits and leans back on his hands. 

“I want you to strip. Now, and every time we do this. Deal?” 

She hesitates, suddenly remembering the way her lingerie digs into her skin, probably leaving harsh red marks. Bellamy scrunches his brows at her delay. 

“What's the matter, baby?” 

Clarke realizes she's blushing horrendously at the idea of actually showing him the way she dressed up. 

“Could I run to the bathroom?” She spits, embarrassed. He frowns. 

“Of course, you don't need permission to piss, Princess.” 

“I don't have to piss.” She admits, though she's unsure why. She could've easily lied. 

One of his eyebrows shoots up. “Then, what?” 

“Um…” Clarke isn't sure what to say now. “I made a dumb decision earlier. It's embarrassing.” 

“What decision?” He asks, and she looks away. “Come on, it can't be that bad. I'm not judging you, ever.” 

She fidgets with the hem of her shirt. “I put on some… underwear that doesn't really fit me.” 

“Underwear? Is my baby dressing up for me already?” He teases, but it just makes her feel even more ashamed. 

“It was stupid…” She mutters, stepping back towards the door. “I'll go take it off. It's fine.” 

“ Woah , hey, I-” He curses and stands, making his way over to her. “Baby,” Bellamy takes her face in one hand and finds her hand with his other. “You're- you don't have to wear anything special to get me going. If you ever want to, then I want you to. And you were obviously wanting to, at least earlier. So…” His genuine, concerned, soft smile turns into a smirk. “Show me what you put on for me. Tell me what you were thinking while you put it on.” He steps back, looking her up and down again. 

Her cheeks are warm as she looks at him, trying to discern if the look he’s giving her is authentic or crafted to spare her feelings. Finding no hints of deception, she bites her lip and raises her shirt over her head. 

Although her shirt covers her face, nothing can stop the way she hears his sharp intake of breath at the sight of the too-small black lacy bra she reveals. Tossing her shirt aside, she resists the urge to cross her arms. When she finally brings herself to look at him, he’s slack-jawed, staring wantonly, eyebrows slightly raised. 

“I, um- Happy Thanksgiving?” She says, stupidly, trying to put her thoughts from when she got dressed into words. Bellamy just grins. 

“Yeah? You realize this sets a standard, right? I’m going to expect you to get all dolled up for me for every holiday now.”

“Every holiday?” She squeaks, and he steps forward, his smile spreading. 

“Yeah, Princess, every holiday.”

“But-” She shivers at the thought of pleasing him as often as possible. The idea that he could possibly want that, too, almost buckles her knees. 

“ Every holiday. Deal?”

“Is that… appropriate? For… what we’re doing?”

He raises an eyebrow. “What we’re doing?” If she knew him better, she might think he seems a bit shy as he continues. “I… You say that like what we’re doing makes any sense in the first place.” Bellamy scratches the back of his head and looks away from her. “There isn’t really a rulebook for… what we’re doing. What’s appropriate and what isn’t is pretty much up to you.”

“Me?”

“I can make suggestions, sure. But ultimately, everything we do or don’t do is at your discretion. So, whether or not it’s appropriate to dress up for the holidays is up to you.” Bellamy takes a step closer and one of his hands comes up to stroke her arm. “I, for one, think it's sexy.” 

“It's not too much?” Clarke asks, nervous as his other hand finds the hem of her bra and fidgets with it. 

“No, it's- Why would it be too much?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed again, confused. 

She bites her lip and looks away from him. “Finn thinks it's stupid.”

“Did he say that?”

“I mean, he laughed at me last time I-”

“Fucking-” Bellamy scrubs a hand over his face. “Asshole.” He surprises her with a kiss, leaning with his elbow against the door, crowding her back against it. When he pulls back, he continues. “Baby… Like I said- you don't have to put on anything special to make me want you. But-” The fingers that had been toying with the edge of her bra slip under the thin fabric and trace the underside of her breast. “This… It's hot . The thought that my Princess was thinking about this moment before she even came over? It's just proof that you want this. And, that,” He brushes a lock of hair out of her face gently. “Could never be ‘too much’ for me.” 

It makes her smile shyly. “Okay.”

“Do you believe me, baby?” 

She nods after a half second of hesitation. He doesn't seem satisfied, but he kisses her again anyways. 

“Can I show you?” He asks when they break apart. She hums an agreement, unsure what he means, but trusting him regardless; She doesn't even open her eyes as he leads her by the hand to his bed. Her eyes finally flutter open when she feels him sit and rest his hands on her hips. Looking down at him, she's caught off guard by the way he gazes at her, so soft. “Take your pants off, Princess.” 

Her hands fly to the button of her jeans, snapping it open and undoing the zipper rapidly. Bellamy just watches her, grinning, still so soft. 

As she peels the jeans off, his hands trace down her legs, chasing the way her own fingers graze her skin as the fabric sinks lower. She steps out of them and his hands go back to her hips, steadying her as she lifts one foot, then the other. 

Finally, when she's mostly bare, she steps back, biting her lip again. Despite his reassurance, she's still nervous that he'll change his mind, tell her this is too much, kick her out. She avoids his eyes, glancing instead down at her own skin. The black was a misstep . It washes her out, makes her pale skin seem even paler, especially in the dim light of Bellamy's room. She's should've picked something more-

“Fuck,” 

Bellamy’s voice pulls her from her thoughts and draws her eyes back to him. He's leaned back, now, palming himself through his pants. 

“You're fucking stunning.”

Her cheeks warm as she quickly averts her gaze again. “I'm not.” 

“ Hey, baby, come on. Don't talk like that.”

“Okay.”

He huffs. 

“Come here.” His words lack the usual heat, real concern leaking into his voice as he sits up again and pulls her towards him. He pulls her into his lap, his hands resting softly on the higher side of her hips. Leaning back a bit, he continues. “Do you feel what you do to me? How hard you make me?” 

She nods and he presses her hips down against him. It's enough to make her moan softly. 

“Baby, I'm like this whenever you're around.” He leans even closer to her and presses a kiss to her cheek, shocking her with his softness. “I can't help it. You're beautiful.” He groans and drops his head to her shoulder. “You drive me crazy, honey.” 

The new nickname makes her gasp, and he squeezes her hips. 

“Do you believe me yet?” Bellamy whispers in her ear, and she shivers, but doesn't answer, still too caught in her head to really process what he's saying. “No?” 

“I'm not-”

“You are. ” He insists. His hands slip down to her rear and squeeze again. “You're so sexy.” 

“Thank you….” Her lip returns to its home between her teeth. As she worries her lip, she strokes Bellamy's hair away from his face. “You don't have to reassure me.” 

“Yes, I do. I hate that you don't know how gorgeous you are. It's- Any man would be lucky to have you.” He stops her hands and presses them to his chest. His heart beats rapidly under her fingers. “I'm so lucky to have you, even if it's just like this.” 

“You don't have me, I have a-”

“I know.” Bellamy sounds a bit regretful as he says it, but Clarke ignores that in favor of pulling at his shirt until he lifts it over his head. He kisses her, pulling her impossibly closer and cradling her face with one hand. He breaks the kiss for a moment, pressing his forehead to hers. 

“What's wrong?” Clarke asks quietly.

“Nothing, baby.” He hums and kisses her again, briefly. “I'm just soaking you in.” 

It's almost too sentimental, so she kisses him, turning it wet and messy quickly. He follows her lead, playing into the push and pull of their chemistry. 

Soon, his hands start to explore her skin again. He slips one hand under her bra, massaging her breast as she starts to roll her hips against him. 

When her insecurities start to fade, she tries to pull him on top of her, but he hesitates.

“Um-”

“I want you on top of me.” She smiles shyly, trying to be direct without bringing up any more of her doubts. Bellamy cringes, though, and her smile fades as her moment with Finn the other night resurfaces in her mind. 

“I don't think-” 

“It's fine.” She forces herself to smile again, though even she can tell it's too tight to seem genuine. “Sorry I suggested it.” And, dammit , her fucking voice breaks. Bellamy just gapes at her for a moment, and his reaction just solidifies in her mind his reasoning.

Your tummy. 

I don't like looking at it.

Tears well in her eyes as Finn's words ring in her ears. She pulls away from Bellamy, standing and backing up until the backs of her legs meet the dresser. 

“Woah, woah, Princess, where are you going?” He stands, following her to the dresser. When he tries to touch her, though, she puts a hand between them. 

“Sorry,” Her tears start to fall as she blinks rapidly. “I-”

“Where is this coming from? I- It's a rule of mine, no missionary , I just-”

“Yeah, I understand.” She says, even though she doesn't, at all. They'd already- Tears continue to stream down her face as she stares at her feet, too afraid to look at him. “You're right, it was stupid.” 

“I never said that, Clarke.” 

The use of her actual name just sends her spiraling further, her face twisting as she cries. It feels like another rejection, the way his voice has gone stern. 

“Please, just take a deep breath. I'm not-”

“I knew you were blowing smoke up my ass, I shouldn't have pushed it.” She snaps. “Finn won't even fuck me like that. I shouldn't have thought you'd want-” 

“ Clarke, I want to! Look, come here, I'll give you whatever you want, just- please, stop crying.” She just shakes her head in response.

“I knew you wouldn't-”

“I'm sorry I didn't realize how important it was to you.” He interjects, insistent. “Look, let's just… calm down, okay?” He takes her hands gently and pulls. “Come sit with me, baby.” 

Despite the way she still cries, and despite the way her mind runs wild with memories of things Finn has said about her body, she goes with him back to the bed. He sits, and she sits next to him, close enough for him to wrap an arm around her. 

“I don't want you to feel like this.” He says quietly after she finally turns to lean and cry on his shoulder. 

“I don't want to feel like this.” She answers, and he chuckles. 

“Then, why, baby? What has you feeling so low about yourself?” 

She sniffles, hesitant to share. “Um, Finn wouldn't get on top of me the other night.” 

“Maybe he-”

“He told me he isn't attracted to my tummy.” 

The tension in the room shifts, and Bellamy clenches against her. 

“He said what?” His voice is deadly low, making her sit up away from him. 

“I mean, I- I don't blame him. I don't look how I used to, and-”

“Of course you fucking don't, humans age and grow. ” He closes his eyes and scrubs a hand over his face. “He should be fucking proud. I'm-” He stops himself, sighing.

“What?”

“ Jesus, baby, I'm proud to be with you. And we aren’t even really-”

“But-”

“Clarke,” Bellamy looks at her. “You're amazing. He's my best friend, but-”

“He was just being honest.” She says, cutting him off. Her eyes drift to her hands. “I can't be mad at him for communicating his feelings.” 

“He wasn't communicating his feelings, though! He was fucking-”

“He was being truthful about how he felt.”

“He was being hurtful. He brought this up during sex?”

Clarke finds herself worrying her bottom lip again. This isn't how she expected to spend her night, though, there's no one to blame but herself. “I brought it up.”

“Why?”

“Well, he refused, we had sex anyways, and then I pushed him to tell me why he wouldn't do missionary.”

“Oh, honey. ” Bellamy squeezes her against him. She feels his body relax against her as neither of them say anything for a long moment, until, finally, he speaks again. “I'm so sorry. I wish I had realized…” 

“Realized what?”

“That you were trying to be vulnerable with me. You're… brave, for bringing it up after that.” 

She ducks her head and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “Not really.”

“Yeah, you are.” And he says it so matter of fact that she's able to draw the confidence to look at him again. When their eyes meet, he smiles softly. “Brave, resilient, strong, whatever you want to call it.” 

“What about stupid, pathetic, needy?” She grumbles, eyes going wide as it sinks in how fucking pitiful her behavior has been tonight. Embarrassment sinks into her and she cringes, trying to pull away from Bellamy again. He holds her tight to him, though. 

“If that's what you want to call it. But-” His eyes flash and he smirks. “I want you to be stupid, pathetic, needy for- or, with me. I want you so comfortable with me that you can be honest, even if you think it might sound silly.” 

And despite the way humiliation threatens to send her running away, she smiles shyly at his words. “I usually sound silly.” 

“My girl, silly? Never.” 

My girl. 

It sends a shiver down her spine, and spurs her forward, into him. She kisses him earnestly, and he answers in kind, parting her lips with his tongue and brushing against hers gently. 

As her arms come around him, he nudges her into his lap, and when she's settled, he stands, lifting her into the air. She gasps at the sudden movement, breaking their kiss, but he just grins at her. 

“What-”

He doesn't say anything, but turns, and it's enough to make her forget what she was going to ask. 

Bellamy lowers her onto the bed slowly, his muscles flexing as he demonstrates a level of control Clarke could only dream of having over her own body. He sinks to his knees above her, and finally speaks. 

“You make me crazy. Whatever you want from me, it's yours. I'd give-” His eyebrows furrow, and his smile turns a bit sad. “I'd have you like this every day, if that's what you asked for.” 

She’s too stunned by his words to respond as he drops his lips to her neck. 

Her sharp intake of breath seems to spur him on, and he bites, his sharp teeth pinching her skin softly. 

He trails his lips down to her collarbone, pushing her bra strap to the side so he has better access to her skin.  She sighs as he kisses across her breasts. 

“My baby,” He mutters, sinking further to kiss just above her belly button.

It's at this point that she realizes what he intends to do to her, and she whines aloud. He pauses, and when she looks down at him in confusion, he has one eyebrow raised. 

“Does my Princess want my mouth?”

She nods frantically, and he grins before dropping his forehead to her stomach. 

“Let me hear you say it.”

She squirms under him, rubbing her thighs together. “Please.”

“Say it, honey.” 

“Please, your mouth, please .” 

He chuckles darkly and presses a chaste kiss to her hip. She spreads her legs and lifts her hips in anticipation of him pulling her panties off, but-

He breathes hotly on her covered core. Without another word, he drops a wet kiss to her clothed center, and she can only barely feel the way his tongue sneaks out to lick upwards. A high pitched whine escapes her throat, and he kisses the inside of her thigh. 

“ Please-”

“I almost don't want to take them off of you. You're- I still can't believe you dressed up for me. So fucking sexy.” His fingers dip into the band of her underwear despite his words. Clarke rolls her hips upwards so he can slide them down her legs. 

He wastes no time in settling between her legs, although he does take a moment to sling one of her legs over his shoulder. When he finally, finally drops his lips to her, she can't help the obscene noise that comes out of her. 

He’s relentless in the pace he sets against her with his tongue. With her last ounce of sanity, she wonders how she’s gone so long in her life without his mouth. It’s… almost magical , the way he swirls and massages her, bringing her closer and closer and-

Her hands find purchase in his hair, and he pulls away abruptly. She pants under him, too weak from being so close to even sit up as he looks down at her. He just grins at her, and with one hand, grabs both of hers and raises them above her head. “Keep those there, baby.” As he pulls his hand away and settles back between her legs, she obeys, her hands settling against his headboard. 

He goes at her with a renewed vigor, now. What she thought was magical before turns out to have just been the appetizer. She can't even really describe it, but whatever he's doing, he does it like a man starved. 

After several long moments of nothing but moans and groans , he adjusts her legs, pushing one up so her knee meets her chest, angling the other one out, so she's fully, truly spread open. 

His tongue dips into her center, and her hips buck wildly, prompting his hand that isn't holding her leg up to her hip, pulling her down firmly as she tries to chase his mouth with her hips. 

“Behave,” He growls against her. She can't do anything but shiver. 

Her abs start to tighten as he expertly moves his tongue and lips, and she knows she's so close again. Despite the way her body begs her to grind against his mouth, she tries to focus hard on not moving, as he had sort of asked. He hadn't said anything about the noises she was allowed to make, though, so she hisses, a high pitched, feral noise leaving her as she approaches the edge, and- 

Bellamy pulls away again, kissing up the back of the thigh of the leg that's pushed to her chest. Frustrated tears well in her eyes. 

“ Daddy, ” She hardly recognizes her own voice as she writhes. Despite her frustration, she doesn't lower her hands, doesn't roll her hips up, doesn't try to close her legs. As the cold air of the room starts to chill her mound, he sits up, looking at her. 

“What is it, honey?” He says softly, fake concern dripping from his voice as he leers at her. “What do I always say?” 

Her mind is too foggy to come up with an answer, so she squeezes her eyes shut, trying to ground herself enough to recall what he's asking. 

As she's thinking, he drops down to her slit again, licking with the flat of his tongue around the outside, teasing her and refusing to give her what he surely knows she needs. He presses chaste kisses to the highest part of the inside of her thigh, and suddenly, he bites down and sucks hard at the soft skin there. She sighs as his sharp teeth flash against her, and suddenly, she remembers. 

Say it. 

She bites her lip as he continues his ministrations against her thigh, trying to find the right words to get what she wants from him. 

Finally, he pulls off of her with a pop, his eyes lingering on the spot, inspecting his work. It gives her a moment of reprieve to really put together what she wants to say. 

“Daddy?” She whispers, biting her lip and squeezing her eyes shut again as shame crawls up her spine. 

“Yes, baby?” 

“May I please come?”

“Oh, honey, of course. How do you want it?” He presses a soft kiss to her clit, teasing her, and she throws her head back. 

“ Please, ” Her hands writhe above her head. “I want to come, please.”

“I could do this all night,” He says, ignoring her and using his fingers to spread her apart even further. “Just, play with you like this.” She groans. 

“ Please make me come with your mouth. ” She finally pulls herself together enough to croak the words that she knows he's been waiting for. 

“Good girl.” He says it so sweetly, so genuinely proudly, that all she can do is sigh happily as he sets himself against her again. 

He pulls out all the stops this time, running his tongue from top to bottom and back up her slit, slipping it in and out of her as he uses his lips to massage her exterior bits. Apparently trusting her not to move her hips, he even brings his fingers into the mix as he surprises her by dipping even lower and probing at her ass with his tongue. She must make some noise of assent, as he lingers there, his fingers focusing on her clit. 

Clarke feels like she's floating as he works his way back up, using his lips to almost nibble at her. She grins at the ceiling as he traces her clit with his lips and finally, finally slips his fingers inside of her. Happy tears slide from her eyes as he pulls her closer and closer to that edge again. 

And, god, it's the kind of orgasm that she's only dreamed about, drawing her muscles so tightly that it pulls her chest up off the bed, toes curling as he licks at her through it. His fingers don't stop, either, roughly massaging her walls until she can do nothing but shiver, her mouth agape, soft sobs the only sound in the room. 

Eventually, she stops trembling, and he quickly lifts his mouth away, but keeps his fingers deep inside her, moving slowly. 

“My god, Princess, fucking amazing. ” Bellamy says, and when she looks at him, he’s got a cocky, smug smile stretching across his face. “And, fuck , the way you taste… Like fucking peaches .”

Clarke hums, squirming a bit as he scissors his fingers inside of her. She wonders idly if he intends to give her more, or if they’ll move on. 

Seeming to read her mind, he slowly draws his fingers out of her and brings them to his lips. He suckles on them and moans, his eyes rolling shut as she watches him. 

“ Dammit, baby. Let me stay here? Let me make you come on my mouth all night, yeah?” He mumbles, his deep voice rumbling through his chest as he rests his eyes heavily on her. 

She bites her lip, deciding quickly that she wants him, all of him, now. All that’s left is verbalizing that, which leaves feeling a bit dumb as he waits expectantly for her answer. 

“Um…” Clarke wets her lips with her tongue. “But-”

“Oh, does my pretty girl need my cock?”

She nods desperately, and he wastes no time in crawling up her body, letting her leg finally drop to the bed. 

“Whatever you want, baby. But…” He glances up at where her hands still lay above her head. “I want to make good on my promise to tie you up. Do you think you’re ready for that?” 

“Uh-huh.” She nods again. 

He practically leaps up, crossing the room to pull a bundle of soft looking rope from his dresser. 

Clarke realizes quickly that this is something Bellamy is very familiar with. He ties her hands together in less than a minute, explaining quietly to her how to get out of the makeshift cuffs just in case. She tests them gently when he’s finished, and has to suppress the giant smile that threatens to spill across her face. 

He isn’t finished, though. He trails the rope up and through his headboard so her arms are raised above her head again. With a second piece, he bends her leg at the knee and ties it tightly in position, then pulls on the rope until her knee is again raised to her chest. He wraps the rope around the cuffs and finishes his work with a fucking bow , midway down her thigh. He tells her to try and move, and while there’s wiggle room, she knows she isn’t going anywhere worthwhile. 

Fuck. The smile that had threatened her moments ago comes out in full force, now. She tries and fails to hide it from Bellamy, who takes her chin between his thumb and pointer finger. 

“What’s my baby smiling so hard for? How are you feeling?”

“I feel good.”

“Just good? Do I get to try and make you feel great?” She realizes that he must’ve stripped himself at some point as he drops his hips against her. She bites her lip, still smiling, and nods again. 

His lips fall to the top of her breasts, trailing across them as he drags his hips back and forth, covering himself in her slick. “Such magnificent tits.” With one hand, he pulls the cups of her bra down and exposes her chest entirely. His lips find her left nipple as his fingers tweak her right gently. Out of reflex, she tries to cradle his head with her hand. The rope flexes above her, though, and she can only groan as she’s reminded of the bonds holding her in place. 

When he finally slips himself into her, her eyes roll back into her head. He swears as he drops his lips to her neck. 

She gasps as he starts to roll his hips against hers. It's not new, this feeling, but as he takes her chin in his hand and forces her to look at him, it's different. 

“ Please, baby, please, believe me. You're-” He shudders against her as his eyes roam up to her hands, still bound. One of his hands reaches up to caress down her arm as his movements slow, torturing her. “I want you. Every day, honey. However you'll have me.”

His confession makes her heart beat rapidly. But- he isn't done. 

“God, Princess, yes , I want you on every holiday, every Sunday, every goddamned day of the year.” 

She smiles softly as he nibbles at her ear. His hand finds her throat and squeezes gently. 

“Drives me crazy that you don’t see it. How fucking amazing you are.” 

His own words seem to spur something in him, and he picks up the pace. Bellamy pounds into her, his composure seeming to slip further and further the harder he rocks his hips against her. His hands slide up and down her body, his gaze following the way his fingers trace her skin. He bites his lip, seemingly holding something back. 

His right hand lands on her tummy, and she tenses involuntarily, insecurity threatening to send her reeling. He swears again, but doesn't move his hand. Instead, he looks her in the eye. 

“Mine. All of you. Mine. ” 

It satisfies something deep inside of her to hear him reiterate those words, and she relaxes. She grins at him, and he matches her expression with soft eyes. 

“Baby, I-” Something in his voice makes her think he must be close. So she squirms under him, nibbling at her bottom lip. 

“Daddy,” She gasps as he drags his hips against her. His hand slips between them, fingers finding her clit. 

“One more, my pretty girl. Give me at least one more.”

She can't help but to obey, toes curling as she tenses in pleasure, arms and leg straining against the rope that holds her in place only a moment later. She cries out, probably too loudly, but she can't bring herself to care as Bellamy curses and fucks into her even harder. 

It's like the erotica stories she reads online, the way he follows her over the edge so closely. He doesn't even make her beg for it, so it almost catches Clarke off guard when he spasms and suddenly stalls to a halt. He clutches at her desperately, hands pulling her impossibly closer as they both shudder.

He groans when he finally starts to pull out of her. She whines, scrambling to wrap her free leg around his hip to draw him back to her. 

“Stay here?” She's so scared to make the request that she almost doesn't, but he just grins. 

“As long as you want me to, Princess.” He glances up at her hands. “But, let me-”

“Just leave me-”

“No, baby, I'm taking you down. We don't need you getting sore shoulders or hips.” 

She wonders what he's thinking as he sits back on his knees, leaving himself inside of her and working gently at the ropes that constrict her. So she asks, and he pauses to regard her. 

“Just about how fucking lucky I am.” He shifts so he can untie her hands, and his soft shaft moves inside her, making her moan again. Her newly freed leg wraps around his hips as she rolls hers against him. “Fuck,”

“What?” She says cheekily, and he shakes his head. 

“You know what you’re doing. Didn’t I tell you to behave?” 

“I am!” Clarke asserts, smiling widely as he rolls his eyes at her and unties her hands. When she’s free, she rolls her wrists, stretching them, before reaching for Bellamy. He falls forward and rests his head on her chest. 

“You’re so warm.”

“So are you…” She whispers in response, gently drawing her fingers through his hair. Closing her eyes, she sighs, content. Satisfied. “Can we just sleep like this?”

He chuckles. “I hate to say it, baby, but you know we can’t.”

“I know.” She pouts, and he kisses her, grinning through it. 

“Are you ready for me to clean you up?” He asks, and she nods. 

He kisses her again and pulls out of her in one motion, making her whine into his mouth. As he leaves the room, she rolls to her side.

Fuck. She’s never felt so taken care of. Knowing that he’s coming back has her rubbing her thighs together, slick spilling out of her slowly as she waits. 

The sound of a phone notification startles her, and without looking, she reaches for the offender, sitting on the nightstand. She presses the power button and looks down, and-

Raven

Babe, I know you don’t like Arkadia, but you should totally…

Clarke is confused for a moment- how does Raven have this number? But as she realizes that it’s Bellamy’s phone in her hand, not her own, her confusion turns to hurt, panic, and finally, acceptance. 

She sets the phone back down and realizes that her hands are shaking. Every part of her is screaming to run. So without thinking too much, she stands. 

By the time Bellamy makes it back to his room, she’s pulling her jeans back up her legs. 

“Woah, woah, what are you doing?”

“I, um, forgot to feed Charity. I have to go.” She slings her sweater back over her head and turns for the door, avoiding his eyes. 

“Wait a second, I’ll come with you.”

“No, uh, it’s fine. I just have to go.” She starts for the door again, but when he steps in front of her and gently grabs her arms, she stops.

“Baby, what is this? Did I do something wrong?”

“Please don’t call me that any more. Save it for Raven.” He gapes, and it tells her all she really needs to know. “It’s fine. I’m going.”

“Wait, Clarke, it isn’t-”

“You know, Bellamy, I didn’t expect us to be exclusive, but I don’t think I can swallow both of the men I care about fucking some girl that probably has no idea I exist.” She spits, stepping away from him. 

“That’s not what this is! Finn and Raven haven’t even spoken in-”

“About two months? Probably less than that, I haven’t checked. But- I know. I don’t know who she is, or what about her is so intriguing to you guys. Maybe the two of you were angling for a threesome this whole time, and you’re just casting your net. I don’t know. But I’m not-”

“ Please, you’re wrong, just let me explain.”

“No, just, please let me leave.” Her voice cracks on the last word, and despite her anger, tears start to fall. 

“ Baby, I’ve never-”

“Don’t.” She croaks, shrugging out of his grip. “Please, Bellamy. I want to go home.”

He sighs heavily, but finally steps out of her way. She doesn’t hesitate in pushing past him and rushing out of the Blake home.

-

Black Friday passes, and Clarke forgets to participate. Finn is due home the Sunday following. She’s sure Bellamy has already warned him that she knows about Raven. She wonders if he’ll even bother coming home. She isn’t sure that she even wants him to. 

I know you don't like Arkadia…

Clarke tries and fails in finding Raven on Facebook. Like Finn, the girl seems to not have much, if any, social media presence. 

Arkadia…

She isn’t stupid, she knows what it means. There isn’t any doubt in her mind any more. She knows why Finn didn’t want her to go. 

Raven

Babe, I know you don’t like Arkadia, but you should totally…

Clarke wonders if Bellamy knew they were both fucking both her and Raven. She wonders if Raven knows about her, if this other girl has been laughing at her this whole time. 

She wonders what else Bellamy and Finn must have in common. Maybe they’ve been telling each other everything. Maybe they’ve been making fun of her the entire time this has been going on. Maybe they manipulated her into all of this together. 

She mourns her old friends. Even if they were never the most solid friendships, at least she had someone to talk to, then. 

She’s ruminating over it as she feeds Charity on Saturday morning when her phone rings. 

Octavia’s caller ID surprises her. Clarke had assumed that Octavia would back her brother, probably cutting off Clarke in the process. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, is Bellamy with you? He took off yesterday around two and still isn’t back.”

“Um, no, didn’t he tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“You should probably talk to him. It’s not really my place to say.” Clarke bites her lip. She doesn’t want to be blamed for any disagreement between the Blakes. 

“Well, I would, but he isn’t answering his phone. Seriously, Clarke, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know, Octavia. Me and Bellamy aren’t-”

“Don’t give me that shit. I’m not blind. You didn’t even ask me to shop with you yesterday.”

“I didn’t go shopping yesterday.” Clarke admits. Charity mews softly. 

“And you’re trying to tell me there’s nothing wrong?” Octavia demands, and Clarke sighs. 

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell Bellamy I told you.”

“I swear.”

Clarke pinches the bridge of her nose. “Look, I found texts between Finn and some girl, and he had some… pictures of her saved. And when I was at your place the other night, Bellamy got a text from the same girl.” Clarke cringes. “It kind of sounds stupid when I say it like that, but-”

“What’s her name?” Octavia asks. She sounds pissed. 

“Um, Raven.”

“Oh, shit. ”

“What?”

“Did you tell Bellamy that Finn was cheating on you?”

“Yeah, I, uh, kind of gave him a tongue lashing.”

Octavia is quiet for a moment. “Gross.”

Clarke snorts. “No, like, I told him off. Said that I couldn’t swallow-”

“ Gross. ”

Clarke laughs. “Seriously, though. I told him I couldn’t deal with both him and Finn fucking some girl from-”

“ Wait - You don’t actually believe that, do you?”

“She called Bellamy ‘babe,’ Octavia.”

“Not to defend that rat, but she’s kind of just… like that. Look, Raven is Finn’s ex from college. She’s not… horrible , but she tends to be really shortsighted. And selfish. And inconsiderate. And-”

“I appreciate the details, but, what’s your point?”

“Bellamy hates her. Like, avoids her at all costs, blocked her old number for years, and has way worse shit to say about her than I do. She really fucked Finn up back then.”

“Oh.” Clarke sits heavily at the kitchen counter. 

Just as Octavia starts to speak again, there’s a loud knock at the front door. 

“Did someone just knock?” Octavia asks.

“Yeah,” Clarke mutters. “I don’t know who the hell-”

Another hard knock. 

“Do you want me to call the cops?” Octavia whispers on the other end of the phone. Clarke inches towards the peephole. 

“Hang on,” She leans into the door, bracing herself with one hand. 

It’s Bellamy.

She opens the door as soon as she recognizes him, seemingly startling him. He doesn’t say anything, but looks at the phone in her hand. Clarke sighs. 

“Here, Octavia, it’s your brother.” She says, and hands her phone to Bellamy. 

Bellamy raises an eyebrow at her, but takes the phone and raises it to his ear. 

“Hey, O.” He puts his free hand in his pocket, then pulls it out. Starts fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket. “Yeah, I know. I’m here.” He scowls. “No, I’m not an imposter. I’m sorry I didn’t answer.” He looks back at Clarke, and his gaze softens. “Look, I have to go. I’ll call you later- Yes, I promise. I’m sorry.”

He hangs up and hands the phone back to Clarke as he walks past her, into the apartment. “Yeah, come right in.” She quips sarcastically, but Bellamy ignores her. 

Clarke follows him to the living room and sits on the couch, although Bellamy elects to pace. 

“So-”

“Do you have a phone charger?” He interrupts, and she sputters. 

“Um, of course, here.” She reaches behind the couch and tugs on one of the cords that rest there. Bellamy plugs his phone in, brushing against her as he does. 

“Sorry,” He mutters, and she frowns. 

“Look, Bellamy-”

“What did Octavia say?”

“Um, she said that you hate Raven. And that she’s Finn’s ex. From Arkadia.” Bellamy nods, seemingly thoughtful. “She also said that you weren’t answering your phone.”

“I was busy using it to-” He grunts, leaning forward and grabbing his still plugged in phone. It lights up, and he taps at it a few times before handing it to Clarke. 

It’s his chat with Finn. 

“I don’t- I’m not sure I want to read this.” She admits, licking her lips and glancing at Bellamy. 

“I think you should.” Bellamy shrugs, and Clarke can see the tension in his shoulders as he does. So she looks down at his phone and starts to read. 

Me | So

Me | Please tell me I’m wrong

Me | I’m assuming the reason you ditched Clarke was Raven coming home

Finn | Lol

Finn | Yeah

Finn | How’d you know

Me | Brother.

Finn | what

Finn | Bro code lmao

Me | Nah. That’s fucked. Truly idk what to say to you.

Me | Did you tell Clarke that’s why you wanted to go alone?

Finn | chill 

Finn | It’s nbd she’s sleeping around too

Me | I don’t believe she is. You’re an asshole either way tbh

Me | Honestly if this is how you wanna act don’t bother coming home

Finn | u sound like a girl

Finn | who are you to tell me not to go back to MY apartment

Finn | with MY girlfriend. 

Me | When she finds out about this she won’t be your girlfriend fr much longer

The chat continues for several pages, which Clarke skims through. She gets the gist. 

“You didn’t have to confront him.” She mutters as she turns the phone off and hands it back to him. “I would’ve handled it.”

“How long have you known?” He asks in lieu of a proper response. Clarke sighs. 

“I mean, until reading those texts, I didn’t, really. Not for sure.” 

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “How long have you suspected?”

“Um, I saw her name in his recent snaps a couple months ago. And a picture of her ass, but it was a few years old. I just figured… I don’t know. It’s stupid, I’m stupid. I should’ve known that-”

Bellamy scoffs. “You’re not stupid.” He finally stops pacing and sits with her. “You see the best in people.”

“I guess I just didn’t want to believe it. I thought- I thought we were solid.” Clarke shrugs and leans back against the cushions behind her. Bellamy matches her body language, and for a moment, they sit in silence. 

“Do you think this is why he wanted you to sleep with other people?” Bellamy finally asks, quiet. Clarke nods. 

“Probably.”

“He’s a fucking idiot.” Bellamy crosses his arms. 

“I don’t know. I’m trying to figure out what I could’ve done differently.”

“ Princess, this isn’t on you. You know this says more about who he is, than it says about who you are.”

“I know I’m supposed to know that. I’m just having a hard time reconciling it all.” 

“That’s okay. As long as you keep reminding yourself that this isn’t your fault.”

“Hey, now. This isn’t therapy.” She cracks, trying to remind him of when things were simpler. He glances at her, and when he sees her small smile, he grins. 

“May as well be.” He grumbles, slinging an arm around her shoulders. “Seriously,” He lowers his voice again as she settles against him. “Clarke, you’re amazing. You make- You fill rooms with sunshine, and you make everyone feel seen, and you work so fucking hard, and-”

Clarke laughs. “Okay, that’s enough.”

Bellamy smiles at her. “I mean it.” He watches her for a moment, and his smile fades a bit. “I hate seeing you like this.” 

“Yeah, well…” She isn't sure what to say. 

“And I’m so fucking sorry, Princess.”

“It’s-” She clears her throat, trying not to get choked up. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

He doesn’t say anything, and again, silence embraces them. It leaves her to think, and in moments, there are tears in her eyes. He doesn’t notice until she finally sniffles, reaching up to wipe her face as she glances at him quickly. 

“Sorry, I don’t know-”

“It’s alright.”

“I really thought-”

“I know. I saw.”

She weeps, turning into his chest as his arm comes tighter around her. 

That’s how Octavia finds them, a few moments later, as she storms in the front door, slamming it shut despite the way her eyes widen at the sight of them. 

“O,” Bellamy startles, sitting up, his arm falling from Clarke’s shoulders. “What-”

“I thought you were in fucking Arkadia, you dumb bast-”

“I told you-”

“Finn is on his way here.” Octavia spits, and Clarke leaps to her feet. 

“What?” Clarke feels herself about to panic, the feeling only worsened by Octavia’s curt nod. “I’m not-”

“Look, this is my fault.” Bellamy says, cutting her worries short. “I’ll take care of it.”

Octavia snickers. “Always the hero, huh?”

“I-” Clarke starts, entirely unsure of what to do. “Maybe I should. He won’t believe it until-”

“Oh, he’ll fucking believe it.” Bellamy mutters, frowning hard. “Let me take care of this, baby.” 

The gruff tone of his voice nearly shoots her back to their shared intimacy. Shutting that feeling out, she persists. “But, if he doesn’t-”

“He will, don’t worry.” Octavia says, crossing the small space to take Clarke’s hands. “I know you’re scared.”

“I don’t know what about ‘she’s perfectly fine with me’ he doesn’t understand.” Bellamy rolls his eyes. 

“What?” Clarke squeaks, confused as Bellamy turns to her again. 

“Didn’t you see-”

“What the fuck is this?” It’s Finn, of course, already squaring his shoulders as his small frame crosses through the doorway. 

“Finn,” Clarke starts, knowing her eyes are wide as they dart from Bellamy to Finn and back again. 

“I thought I was clear with you.” Bellamy says, and Finn glares at him. 

“Yeah, well, this is my place. You should probably go find yours.” Finn spits, obviously irritated already. “And that’s my girlfriend you have your hands all over.”

Clarke hadn’t even realized that Bellamy had wrapped his arm back around her until Finn had said so. Bellamy just squeezes her gently at Finn’s words. When she looks up at him, he’s already looking at her, as if to say go ahead .

“No, I’m not.” Clarke says, trying to turn her racing thoughts into words. “Not anymore, Finn.”

Finn just stares at Clarke, mouth slightly agape. “So, what, you’re his now?”

“I’m no one’s.” She declares, stepping forward and shaking Bellamy off. “You- you don’t get to do everything you’ve done and keep me around.” She says, shaking her head. “And, actually, this is my apartment. You’re not even on the lease.”

“So?”

“So, I’ll have your shit packed by the end of tomorrow. You’re welcome to stay here tonight, but after tomorrow, I’d really appreciate it if you found somewhere else to stay.” She says simply, and when Finn glares at her, she continues. “Maybe you and Raven can-”

“Fuck, no. Clarke, Raven means nothing to me, not the way you do.” Finn tries, but it’s clear even his heart isn’t in it any more, making more tears gather at the corners of Clarke’s eyes. 

“We’re done, Finn. And- and that sucks, a lot, because I wanted to have your babies. I wanted to marry you. You. I never had eyes for anyone else until you pushed it onto me. So, please, make this easy on both of us?” Clarke ignores the way her tears stream down her face now, as she speaks. “Either go, or stay, but, please, please , don’t make this harder than it already is.”

Finn slams his bag down by the door, shoving off his shoes. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re only saying this shit because he got to you first.” He levels his glare at Bellamy, who ignores Finn. 

Clarke sighs, glancing between Bellamy, Finn, and Octavia. “Whatever you say, Finn.” She doesn’t say anything else as Finn storms past her, to his bedroom. Octavia lets out a low whistle when he’s gone, and Bellamy is grinning when Clarke looks up to him. 

“Well, that was fun,” Octavia starts after a long, awkward moment of listening to Finn slam things around in his room. “I’m gonna…”

“Yeah,” Clarke agrees, without even really knowing what Octavia was going to say. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“There are still a bunch of Black Friday deals going on, so, I’d hope so.” Octavia smiles warmly, inching towards the door. “I’ll, um-”

“Just go, Octavia.” Bellamy says on a smile, and Octavia smirks before quickly marching out and slamming the door behind her. He turns to Clarke immediately, his smile fading a bit. “Are you-”

“I’m okay.” She affirms, nodding slightly. “Thank you.”

“For what?” He snorts, and she feels a smile tugging at her lips. 

“For being here.”

“Always. Easy.” Bellamy says, and, really, what can she do then, but tug him down by his collar, and kiss him?

-

Finn doesn’t disturb them, that night, but they clearly disturb him, given his empty dresser and hastily written note that they find the next morning. Clarke laughs at the note and hands it to Bellamy, who crumples it up without even looking. 

“Who needs him?” Bellamy says, grinning, and Clarke has to snicker. 

They pack the rest of his things slowly throughout the day, Octavia joining them to make things go quicker. 

And, when they’re done, the Blakes leave Clarke alone with Charity, promising to be back soon, swearing to be there when Finn comes to collect his things. 

She goes and stands in his room for a while, remembering all the nice times they had shared there. Under his bed is the hoodie she made for him. Hanging on the wall is a picture of them at the first gallery opening of hers he’d come to. Memories flood over her, nearly sending her knees to the floor, until-

A knock at the front door. 

Slowly, she pulls herself together and goes to the door, hoping it’s just a delivery person. 

But when she glances through the peephole-

It’s Bellamy. 

And-

He’d all but told her how he feels, the last time they were together. And she’d all but told him, too, when she was trying to leave. She wonders briefly if he’s here to tell her it’s over, now that the intrigue of fucking someone in a relationship is gone, but casts the thought aside as she remembers his words. 

Every day, honey.

However you’ll have me.

She swallows thickly, quickly undoing the deadbolt and flinging the door open. 

“Bell? I thought-”

Her words are cut short by the sight of him swinging a gorgeous bouquet out from behind his back. He grins, and she can’t help but match it as she continues. 

“What’s this?” She asks. 

“Seduction.” He answers, stepping slowly into her space.

“You didn’t have to bring me flowers to seduce-”

“I know. But-”

“This is-”

“I wanted to-”

She laughs, reaching forward to take the flowers from him. “Come inside?”

“Always.” He says, his smile stretching from ear to ear. 

It’s different, that night. Reverent. Whispers and sighs fill the air where usually there would be moans, cries, gasps. 

And every night after that, it’s different. Until, finally, months after she’s found the ring, he leans close to her ear and asks, no, begs her to marry him.