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Brattiness Comes Back To Bite You

Summary:

Tav gets more than they bargained for when teasing Astarion about being a bit of a brat, and learns why you should never tease a hungry vampire while partially dressed.

Notes:

A deeply unserious one-shot inspired by seeing a scalloped edge swimsuit bottom that made me go "Hmmm, Astarion would definitely want to devour any Tav who wore that around him." Un-beta read because I couldn't keep a straight face trying to ask for proof readers. I like to think Astarion appreciates a nice ass.

Work Text:

16 Elient 

 

I was changing clothes in my tent when the sound of rustling behind me practically 
made me jump out of my skin.  Devoid of pants, but with my shirt still on, I snatched my 
daggers off the top of my traveler’s chest and whirled around to confront the intruder, just 
to find myself pressing a blade to Astarion’s neck.  Smirking, he pulled me closer by the 
hips.  “Well, hello to you, too, darling.  Glad to see you still have sharp reflexes.” He purred, 
eyes glittering with amusement.  He wasn’t one bit concerned about the dagger nearly 
drawing blood from his throat.  Sighing, I tossed the daggers back in their former spot.  
“Gods, only you could be totally unfazed by my putting a dagger to your throat, you little 
fanged freak.” I teased him.  Feigning offense, he scoffed “I never claimed to be some fairy 
tale prince.  I hardly think that makes me a freak.”  A snort of laughter escaped me as I tried 
to picture him as a fairy tale prince.  He could play the part of a noble spoiled brat for sure.  
“True, no fairy tale prince would have tackled me and held a blade to my throat at the first 
meeting.”  I shot back.  “That was one time, and before I knew enough to appreciate you!  I 
think I was quite generous, letting you survive that encounter.” He whined, pouting and 
giving me his best attempt at puppy dog eyes. 

Pressing a quick peck to his cheek, I said “Instead, all I got was a bratty little vampire 
who plays with his food too much.”  His ears flicked in annoyance.  “You’re playing with fire, 
darling.  Those are fighting words.”  He warned me in a low growl.  I grinned.  “And what are 
you going to do about it, Astarion?  Bite me?”  I challenged.  My back slammed down 
against the bedroll.  It took a moment for me to process that he’d toppled me backwards 
onto it and had me caged in by him above me on all fours.  He started to push one of my 
legs up towards my chest, and vowed “Yes, hard enough you’ll think twice before engaging 
in your own bratty tendencies next time.”  His fangs clamped down on my ass-cheek 
without mercy.   I had to bite down on my fingers to avoid crying out in pain loud enough to 
wake any of the others in the camp.  “Fucking hells, Astarion!  That hurts!” I swore, trying to 
kick him away.  I felt him chuckle as he drank my blood from there, fangs still buried.  I was 
concerned about the kind of wound it would leave, or potential muscle damage from his 
sharp fangs.  No efforts of mine could get him to budge, and several minutes elapsed 
before he’d finally had his fill of blood and chose to release me from the vice grip of his jaw.  
“How’s that for playing with my food, darling?” He asked smugly, as he wiped his chin.  
“You arrogant little shit, I’m not going to be able to sit without pain for days!” I groaned.  
“Then you’ve learned your lesson.”  Astarion stated with a giggle.  I eased myself up to a 
seated position, careful not to put any weight on the side with the fang puncture wounds 
and added “What am I supposed to tell the druids and Shadowheart when I have to ask 
them to heal me from this?!”  “It’s just a little love bite from a hungry, world-endingly 
beautiful vampire.  I just wanted a nibble.”  Astarion answered, looking up from where he 
lay propped up on his elbows between my legs, and batted his lashes.  Glaring at him, I 
scolded “You and I both know that was a hell of a lot more than just a nibble.  That’s deep 
enough to scar, Astarion.” 

A grin spread across Astarion’s face.  “Good, let anyone who sees your ass from now 
on know it’s been claimed already.  Honestly, you made it too easy in this cheeky little 
number you have on.  It made you look too good to resist.” He stated.  “You’re lucky you 
have some irreplaceable skills we need in battle, or you would be out of our party in a 
heartbeat for pulling this shit.”  I informed him, which simply earned a bark of laughter.  
“Think of it as a little something to remember me by, no matter how this journey of our turns 
out.”  He offered, standing up.  “You’re a menace.” I grumbled, looking away.  “I am, and you 
love me despite it.”  He crooned.  “Get out of my tent, you’re not sleeping here tonight after 
what you did.” I said, shooing him away.  Cackling as he walked back to his own tent, he 
called out “Sweet dreams, darling.”