Work Text:
1:34 am.
It was beyond Sayeon why she stayed up so damn late all the time. Her eyes were glued to that old, rusty TV. The cheap one she bought with a salary that would be just enough to fulfill a stray dog. The news still played at this hour. Another death caused by a rogue Aberrant.
Nothing she hasn’t seen before.
She fiddled with the clips on her tie. It’s been hours since she got back from work, and she’s still yet to change out of her clothes. She can’t find the energy.
Level 7. Red ties. It wasn’t everything Sayeon thought it would be. Her days of power-trips and big egos felt like decades ago. Everyone was dead, and she felt it in her soul. She was tired. Reaching your stupid goals and getting to the top seems a lot less important when you’ve been running on 1% for so long.
A set of familiar footsteps made their way from behind. Sayeon didn’t bother turning around.
Ryujin took a seat next to her. She didn’t lean back and sink into the couch like she usually did. She sat on the edge, as if she wasn’t planning on staying long. The girl scanned her roommate, who was still staring mindlessly at the television.
“You’re still in those stupid clothes?”
“Yeah.”
“You got back from work hours ago.”
“I know.”
Her and Ryujin were some of the only ones left from their class at the Aberrant Corps. One other aside from them survived to wear that stupid blood-colored tie, but she’d forgotten their name. She didn’t want to remember, anyway.
She doesn’t exactly remember how she and Ryujin ended up living together, either. She just started coming over a lot, and after a while, she never left. She would always ask Ryujin why she stopped going back to her own place, but she just brushed her off with things like “you’ll accidentally starve to death if i'm not here,” and other excuses along those lines. Eventually she stopped asking.
“Sayeon…Listen.”
Ryujin broke the silence.
“I’m leaving.”
Sayeon finally ripped her eyes from the TV, which was now showing a commercial for some tropical resort they could never afford, and looked at the girl.
“Finally tired of squatting?”
“I mean the Corps. I'm running away. So I can’t come back here, obviously.”
Ryujin was wearing an expression that was almost laughable. She looked so blank. Calm, even. As if she just told Sayeon she was running to the grocery store and would be back in an hour. There was no such thing as a letter of resignation when it came to the Aberrant Corps. You either stay until death catches you, or you run until the Corps catches you. And they will catch you.
People usually don't make it very far when they try to run, but Ryujin is extremely powerful. As impossible as it is, she’s probably one of the only few people who could actually pull it off. But even so, it most likely wouldn’t be enough.
Sayeon sat up, getting on face level with the other.
“They’re going to hunt you down and take you back. At that point you’ll be lucky if they just kill you. I don’t know how you’re able to say it so casually. You’re out of your mind.”
Ryujin stood up, the force knocking over an empty Soju bottle on the table. She rubbed her hands over her face.
“I’ve been a fucking dog for these people for too long, Lee. I’m so sick of slowly going crazy here. I don’t care if it kills me, at this point it’s worth a shot!”
There was silence between the two girls. Sayeon sunk back into the couch and put her eyes back on the screen.
“In the wise words of Juni Chang, the roof is much faster.”
Ryujin scoffed. “Is that really all you have to say?”
Sayeon didn’t answer.
“Alright then.” Ryujin walked around the couch and grabbed a bag that had been sitting on the floor and put it around her shoulders. “You can sit here and watch that stupid TV until it rots your brain or whatever.” She passed Sayeon one more time, slapping her on the knee. “Not like I’ll be here to care.”
“I don't know what you want from me, Ryujin. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's a good idea because it simply isn't. And begging you to stay is getting so damn exhausting.”
Ryujin, who had almost reached the front door, stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around, a threatening expression on her face.
“You haven't begged me to stay.”
That made Sayeon’s mind catch up with her mouth. Had she really lost her edge that badly? Unfortunately for her, Ryujin Kang was still as sharp as a blade. She stood up with energy she didn’t realize she had.
“Wait-”
“How many times.”
“It’s not-”
“How many times, Sayeon.”
She looked up at the cracks in the ceiling, she would probably melt if she looked Ryujin in the eyes right now.
“Five.”
Ryujin turned her back to her roommate, laughing angrily. “Oh my fucking god.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Like hell you are!” Ryujin got in her face. It reminded Sayeon of how they used to fight when they were blue ties. “You know how I feel about you using that stupid gift, especially on me.”
Sayeon had no response to that. After finally revealing her true gift to Ryujin, she made her a promise that she’d never use it outside of work. That she’d never use it on her. Not anymore. Even though Sayeon could technically still use it behind her back, she never did. Aside from now.
Ryujin took a deep breath, collecting her emotions. “I don’t get it. If you’re so tired of trying to get me not to leave then why do you keep going back?”
Sayeon pursed her lips.
“Because it’s not about that. I know I can’t change your mind.” She put both hands on Ryujin’s shoulders and pulled her in close, grey eyes meeting blue. “When you walk out of here, it's over. I’m never going to see you again. I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life wondering where you are. If you’re even alive or not. Just the thought of it is unbearable. I'd rather be stuck in this time loop until my heart stops from essence exhaustion than actually let you make it more than 5 feet out that door.”
She slid her hands down Ryujin’s arms, now holding onto her wrists.
“I know I’m selfish. I won’t beg you to stay again. But Ryujin, I have nothing left to lose. I can't take it anymore. I can't just let you walk out without telling you that I-”
“Stop.” Ryujin shook her head. “You wanna talk about selfish? Now that’s selfish.”
Sayeon’s eyes softened. Clearly she didn’t need to finish that sentence, Ryujin already knew exactly what she was going to say. Words that held too much weight.
“You can reverse this scenario for the rest of your miserable life, I don’t fucking care. But please… don’t say it.”
“Ryujin-”
“If you say it” she swallowed. “I might actually fucking stay. And I just- I just can’t do it.”
She wiggled from Sayeon's grip and turned her back to her, laying a hand on the squeaky doorknob. She tilted her head back slightly, refusing to fully face the other.
“It’s just not worth it.”
She turned the knob and walked out the door, closing it gently behind her. Probably the most gentle she’s ever closed it, as if there was a baby sleeping in the living room. Ryujin didn’t say goodbye to Sayeon.
Not that she deserved it.
As Sayeon stared at the front door, that sinking feeling in her chest was more present than ever. It only got worse with every rewind, but this time it felt like it might actually kill her. The apartment always felt colder than usual after Ryujin walked out. Sayeon knew she wasn’t coming back.
She was such a mess now, all of the time, but there was something about having Ryujin there that gave her hope . That made her feel better . They had grown closer, after everything. Both of them refused to truly acknowledge it, but there was a switch in their relationship. They became more than just coworkers. More than friends. The deep conversations, the stupid laughs, the way they’d “accidentally” brush their hands together when walking past each other in the kitchen, or “accidentally” fall asleep in the same bed together. Intimate things that would never come to light. That would never dare be brought up in order to put some sort of label on what they were to each other. They both saw it, they both knew, so who cared? But none of it mattered in the end. Ryujin said it herself, it’s not worth it.
She’s not worth it.
Sayeon brushed her glasses up into her bangs, rubbing her eyes. “I’m so pathetic.”
That’s the last thing Ryujin Kang would remember about her. The girl who didn’t quite beg her to stay, but showed a far worse form of desperation: almost confessing her love. Sayeon has lied so much, manipulated so many people, but that was so genuine it almost made her sick. She wondered if Ryujin knew that.
Probably not. Sayeon never gave her any reason to trust her words, anyway.
This fifth time around was the final one. It wasn’t fair to Ryujin to keep rewinding. It wasn’t fair to herself, either. Letting her walk out like that for good was painful, and it would be painful for a while, but it’s okay. It’s all going to be okay. Sayeon would go on with her life at the Corps, Ryujin Kang eventually becoming a stupid memory that would fade into nothing, just like the others.
This is how it’s supposed to be. She needs to stop messing with fate.
She walked back over to the couch, grabbing the empty Soju bottle her now ex-roommate had knocked over earlier. She rolled it in her hands, looking around the cold, dark apartment. She should stop drinking. She didn’t enjoy it.
Ryujin is gone.
She threw the bottle at the wall behind the TV, green glass chipping the paint and scattering all over the floor.
“What a mess,” she whispered. She threw that bottle harder than she intended, letting her emotions get the better of her.
She stared at the shards blankly. They were everywhere. She’d probably be finding glass for days.
Her gaze moved to her fingers. She could just reverse this, to before she threw the bottle, of course. She wouldn’t have to worry about sweeping. She wouldn’t have to worry about potentially doing a shitty job and stepping on the glass.
It would’ve never happened.
Cleaning is a pain. She didn’t trust herself to do a good job. That’s why she’s going back.
No other reason.
Ryujin is gone. That's how it's supposed to be.
Snap.
1:34 am.