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The burning was slow.
Gradual.
Not the type that appears suddenly and engulfs you in embers and flame until it's too late to escape. No. Not that.
It was more like a small flame that accidentally caught on your arm, one you were sure you could easily get rid of. But, the warmth of it. The unbelievably sheer comforting warmth of it.
Like the tingle of sunny rays on a cold day, one that warmed up your soul, lulled you to sleep. It slowly spread, and you were aware of it; you knew it shouldn't have. It shouldn't have. You should have stopped it. But it grew. And it grew. And it grew so big that you became engulfed in it, until you couldn't escape it. Until it was in your nose, and in the air you breathed and in your dreams. Until it made space in every point of your life. Until it was unbearable. Until it couldn't be ignored.
Cedric had felt burned before. But burning used to hurt. It used to itch. It was painful. Cedric swears he felt burning before, but why did this burning give him warmth? Why did it lull him to sleep? Why did it make him smile? Why did it calm him down when he felt his control slipping?
The only pain he felt now, was the pain in his heart, like it was being stretched apart by bare hands, yet, he couldn't find it in himself to stop the hands from tearing him open.
It felt good. Watching Jesse eat pudding messily as the chocolate dripped down from his mouth and he clumsily wiped it, uttering apologies about how he should pay attention to the fact that he's a prince, but Cedric disagreed. He didn't look less of a prince when he ate like this; instead, he looked heavenly. So heavenly that he felt it was a sin to look at him.
Descended angel. That was the name given to him. And Cedric couldn't agree more.
It felt good. Seeing Jesse thank him, albeit only out of politeness for the sweets, for the impromptu tea time, Cedric decided to hold with him so suddenly.
It felt good. But it also hurt so much. It was weird. Because it shouldn't be hurting him. He should be happy. He gets to see this. But it hurt. It hurt so bad, and deeply as he watched Jesse eat clumsily, knowing he couldn't wipe the chocolate from his lips and taste some of it, to know if it would taste better just because Jesse was the one eating it.
It hurt because he couldn't close the distance between them, drag his chair closer, hold him by his neck and taste.
It hurt because Jesse looked at him with those eyes. Those violet, blessed eyes. With so much kindness that he knew he didn't deserve, because the second Jesse said yes. The second he'd say yes. Yes to being more than just a foreign prince who happened to help him, and everyone else around. Well. Cedric had already thought of a thousand ways to take him.
His heart physically pained as Jesse looked at him with concern,
" Your highness...? Are you ok? "
Cedric wanted to say no.
" Mm. " He grunted.
Jesse saw through it, " Cedie. Is something wrong? "
God damn that name. God damn whoever told him that name. Wait. He was the one who told him that name.
God damn him.
" Cedie...? " He got up from his seat and walked closer to Cedric. " You look like you're in pain. "
He was. He was. In so much pain.
Jesse softly touched his forehead, and then his hands slithered down to his cheek, " It doesn't feel like a fever. Do you need ether? "
I need you. That's what I need.
" Maybe. " Cedric said instead.
" Why didn't you tell me sooner? " Jesse asked but didn't even wait for a reply before he summoned his circle. " Did you do something physically taxing today? You look so pained. " Jesse said with so much concern and.
God.
He wanted to kiss him then and there. The pain was back. It hurt more than ever before. Cedric wanted to take Jesse's hand, the one resting on his cheek and kiss it, pull him closer with it, and kiss wherever he could reach, and drag him even closer if there were places on his face he couldn't reach.
Cedric had patience; he had control. He swears he's not driven by impulse. But it seems he doesn't, because he raised his hand and laid it on top of Jesse's. He was looking in his eyes before, but when their hands touched, something in his look changed. Something a bit darker came, his eyes deepened, and Jesse found it harder to hold contact.
Cedric was looking at him like a kicked puppy; he wouldn't say that out loud, but then his look changed closer to how a vampire would look when craving blood. He looked with so much depth in his eyes that it was hard to understand exactly what Cedric was feeling. Jesse felt he would burn alive if he fell into the volcano that was Cedric's eyes.
Cedric intertwined his fingers with Jesse's and took his hand to his mouth and kissed it gently, in the softest way he knew how, and looked back up at Jesse and
God. God. God. God.
Save him.
Because when he looked at Jesse and saw his breath hitch, saw his eyes widen and his face flush. He doesn't know how he controlled himself. How he only kissed his hands again, and didn't reach up to his face. Didn't stand up to tower over him and finally learn how his gifts tasted.
" Cedric... "
" Please. " He said, " Please", he repeated. " Please, Jesse. Please save me. "
He didn't even know what he wanted to be saved from. He just wanted his pain to end. He never said please to anyone. He never begged for anything. But the pain just grew so unbearable. So deep. He felt his eyes blur at it.
" Please. Please, Jesse. Take me. "
He didn't know why he said that.
" Please, Jesse. Just take away this pain. " He inhaled, " Heal me, please. " Cedric lost all restraint as words flew out of his mouth without him even registering them, without thinking twice.
Jesse's hands shook, and he truly didn't know what was happening, if what was happening was truly what he thought. If he could even think it. He knew that Cedric wasn't supposed to do any training today; he didn't have a class, and he didn't go outside as far as he knew. Then...?
" Jesse. "
" Yes. Yes? " Jesse bent down and his ether deepened, heavier, less like a sugary drink now and more like honey, laced with concern and care. " Yes, Cedric. "
" Will you kiss me? "
" God. You bastard. " Jesse really wanted to punch him, hard. " Yes."