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The air is stagnant in the bathroom, cold linoleum tiles pressing in on at them at every corner.
Their heads are down, the water lukewarm and growing colder with every minute- and Sua is oddly quiet.
Her lover gazes distantly down at where their thighs interlock, wet skin gleaming under the low lighting, damp hair plastered to her scalp… Mizi has no idea what she’s thinking, or if she’s even thinking at all.
The suffocating silence is punctuated every so often by a soft beep, an acknowledgement of the many expensive machines they’re both hooked up to. Wires upon wires, little white padded circles and squares decorating their skin, like the shape identification games they used to play as kids.
Mizi considers breaking the tension, glancing up at Sua, before deciding to just let it rest. Sua doesn’t seem like she’s in much of a talkative mood, anyway. She leans back against the cold ceramic of the bathtub, causing small ripples in the cloudy water.
She knows Sua is going to die.
And Sua doesn’t know that she knows.
Mizi’s seen how she rehearses her death every night, stroking the creamy skin over the junction between her neck and shoulder, preparing herself for the inevitable bullet that will mar such perfect skin.
Mizi knows what that gentle smile Sua always gives her means, as she watches her highlight more lines in pastel pink, practically handing her the crown (and cementing her inevitable death.)
And all those nights where Sua reaches out for her, splays her palms over her back, and soaks up every stroke of her hair, every kiss pressed to her temple… she knows it’s because their time together is all too temporary.
Mizi pretends not to see the glimmer of tears in Sua’s eyes, hastily blinked away. She just smiles, as fragile as glass. Feels like that’s all she ever does sometimes, smiling and nodding like a beautiful little fool.
Speaking of smiles, Sua’s smiling now.
Mizi glances up from the water, eyes catching on the wet shine of Sua’s collarbones, and landing on the small smile now adorning her face. Oh, she knows that look in her eyes all too well.
She thinks she would look at her forever, if she could.
Sua leans forward, hand lifting into the air, moving from her knee up to her thigh. Mizi’s breath hitches, her eyes widening as she raises her gaze further, a small, incredulous smile forming on her face. Is she really…?
But then, both of Sua’s hands come up and grasp onto her own, entangled in little red wires and damp with bathwater, her grip slippery yet firm as she guides her hands up to her face.
Breathless, Mizi just watches, letting her guide her hands wherever she wants, fingers tracing the delicate porcelain of her skin and then being led down to her neck, hands encircling her throat.
They slip into her hair, damp and silky with all the product she’s made to use, and Sua’s hands come up and gently hold her in place. Black, wet strands of hair stick to her forehead, and she lets out a relieved sigh, like this is all she’s ever wanted, and maybe it is.
Then, her expression falls, grip tightening slightly on Mizi’s hands. Mizi knows why. She feels exactly the same, just wanting to stay like this forever. Skin-on-skin, in this cramped little bathtub, alive and well.
Sua is going to die.
She looks at her, eyebrows drawn together, eyes positively tortured, and Mizi sees it before it happens, before her expression crumbles and tears begin to trickle down her cheeks, dripping onto where her hands are gripping Mizi’s so hard that it’s starting to hurt.
Mizi hopes her fingers leave indents on her skin. She wants Sua to mark her forever, to never leave her side, to…
“Mizi.”
Comes a voice, quiet and anguished. Mizi looks at her. She smiles, like all is well in the world.
Sua doesn’t have to say she loves her, but she does anyway. Mizi feels her love all around her, in her vice grip on her hands, in the salty tears drying on her skin, in the pain radiating in the air all around them.
Mizi pulls her close. Her arms come up and over Sua, fingers stroking up her spine and over her shoulders, wet pink hair spilling over into the bathtub as she lays her head on Sua’s chest.
She listens to the steady thump of her heartbeat. I’m alive, it says. I love you, it says.
Sua holds her. Mizi feels her tears continue to steadily drip, drip, drip onto her head, like the leaky faucet of the bathtub. She says nothing, but curls herself tighter against her, soaking up her warmth in the lukewarm water like a cat in the sun.
After a few blissful minutes, Sua has something on her mind. Mizi can feel it, in the tautness of her posture, drawn tight like a string on a bow.
“Mizi.” Sua repeats, again. Mizi lifts her head off her chest, and gazes up at her.
It’s that look in her eyes again. She wants her. She wants to press her lips all over her body and forget about the inevitable. She wants to lose herself in her.
“Sua.” She says, softly. It’s a statement of affirmation.
They are silent as Sua begins to run her fingers through the tangled pink tresses of her hair, detangling it with a single touch. Her hands ghost over Mizi’s shoulders, and Mizi shifts, drawing herself back up from where she had laid between Sua’s thighs.
They look at eachother, a breath apart. Her mouth goes dry. No matter how many times they do this, she never gets tired of it. How could she?
The tension between them is cut short with the ring of a silver blade, cleaved through the air as Sua surges forward, water splashing around them.
Mizi leans back against the bathtub as their lips meet in a soft press of suffering, hands coming up and pulling her tight against her body, mouths moving against eachother like waves crashing and foaming in the sea.
Sua’s hands cushion the back of her neck against the hard ceramic of the tub, eyes squeezed shut as they kiss. Mizi tastes salt in her mouth, the bitterness of her anguish as it trickles down her cheeks, the injustice of their situation curdling and pushing them to clutch eachother tighter.
Sua’s wet mouth travels down her neck and nips at her shoulder, and Mizi lets out a gasp. She almost forgets for a moment, as she arches up against her, hand finding its way into Sua’s hair. Sua makes her way down to her chest, looking up at her through those thick dark lashes of hers.
She thinks she might go insane.
Mizi trembles, hands grappling for purchase at the sides of the bathtub, as she feels Sua’s lips begin to apply more and more pressure. She’s gentle, yet unrelenting, hands coming up and stroking down her chest, and Mizi can do nothing but lie there and choke out her name.
The wet slide of water makes Sua’s job easier as she mouths at her chest, one hand stroking as her fingers continue their merciless assault, and the other hand disappearing down into the water. Mizi doesn’t see where it goes, but god, does she feel it.
Sua knows her body so well that she doesn’t even need to see what she’s doing, and that fact makes something twist pleasantly in Mizi’s stomach. She swallows.
A warmth steadily grows within her as Sua kisses her again, tongue tracing along the bottom of her lip, hands still working at her chest and the aching down below, pressing herself against her, plunging deep into her heart, hollowing it out, and resting there. Mizi’s hands cradle her face, her fingers threading through her hair, eyes fluttering closed briefly.
When she opens them, Sua is flushed, damp hair falling into her eyes, and it’s the most gorgeous sight she’s ever seen. Mizi lets out a breathless laugh, along with a lot of other strangled noises as Sua begins to mouth at her neck again, so close they’ve practically become one.
She wants Sua inside her forever, wants her to consume her and be consumed, like the snake that devours itself, in a red-hot blaze of gorgeous agony. She wants so much, so much that she knows she can’t have, because Sua is going to die, and there’s nothing she can do about it.
Then, comes those brilliant violet eyes, breaking her out of that vicious train of thought.
Sua’s head comes up, rests against her chest, listening to her heart race. You make me feel alive, it says. I don’t know how I’m going to live without you, it says.
Then Sua crooks her fingers, just so, gently laying a kiss right over her heart. And just like that, Mizi’s gone, a flood in a paper cup.
Everything goes white, tears stinging her eyes, and all the while Sua watches over her. Tucks a wet strand of hair behind her ear, murmuring sweet nothings, their hearts now beating in unison.
The water steadily cools around them, the two lovers pressed together, two halves of a whole. Sua presses soft kisses to her shoulders, and Mizi relaxes into her touch, melting into the warmth of her skin.
When everything burns to ash and bone, Mizi will keep Sua inside her, within that hole in her heart she hollowed out. Sua watches her with those piercing eyes of hers, committing every detail to memory, and Mizi just smiles.
She smiles, and smiles, until her cheeks are aching.
That’s all she knows how to do, after all.