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It's warm and the balcony doors are open even if it's already deep in the night. The sound of the sea and the soft breeze blowing plays in the background as Tommy strums the guitar they had borrowed from the hotel. He's playing the acoustic version of Adam's song for a future gig. It isn't really practice, Tommy just really, really likes the song and, truth be told, he loves hearing Adam's amazing voice.
Adam sings along softly, nearly under his breath; saving his voice for the gigs in New York, but also so he can hear Tommy play. It's something Adam doesn't get to hear very often: just Tommy with a guitar on his own, and it feels like a rare treat.
As Tommy looks up at Adam, his fingers moving by rote over the strings and the frets, he has to admit that this song, the lyrics, they speak to him. Hearing Adam sing this song like this, pared down, almost bare, slow, heartfelt, well, it does things to his emotions and makes him feel things he's been trying to tamp down since their time shared last New Year.
There is a small smile on Tommy's face but there is a question in his eyes, the uncertainty he feels coming unbidden in the gaze he gives Adam. He wonders, like the song says, what Adam wants from him because Tommy? He knows what it is that he wants -- Adam.
Adam glances over at Tommy as the last chords of the song fade out, and with the soft light spilling on to the balcony from the room behind him, he can see Tommy's eyes and the question there: What does Adam want from Tommy? Sighing to himself, Adam stares out at the ocean and tips his head back against the chair, the night breeze soft and cool on his forehead. He wants Tommy, he knows that. God, the stuff Tommy's made Adam feel since Gridlock ... Adam shifts on his chair, suddenly restless. Needs him, maybe, even.
Tommy not only pulls out Adam's dark side - the deep and dominating force he had to tamp down for so long - he seems to crave it, and that's like a drug to Adam. But love. Adam's wary of love. He's had his heart broken, and he doesn't want to go through that again. But ... he glances at Tommy again.
Mine. Whenever Adam says that word with a sense of ownership and possessiveness, it makes Tommy's insides warm -- like he's melting. He wishes he knows what Adam thinks of with what's happening between them, whatever this is. Because if Adam really wants all of him, he's giving all of him, including whatever emotions it is he feels deep inside.
Adam reaches over and runs his finger over the back of Tommy's hand. "That sounds really good. Monte will be happy to know you've been practising while we've been down here. Let's - go inside. I think we need to talk."
Tommy looks up at Adam, his brows hidden under his long hair and if Adam can see it, he'll see them furrowed, drawn together.
I think we need to talk...
Those words never really precede something pleasant, do they? This worries Tommy but he stands up, hand on the guitar and follows after Adam. He puts the guitar over one of the chairs in the room and then, with a wary look toward Adam, he sits down at the edge of the bed.
"Something wrong?" He pulls his knees to his chest, ankles crossed and then Tommy is hugging his legs still looking at Adam. He schools his features to his usual, expressionless face while he brushes his hair away from his eyes, tucking the ends behind his ear, something to do to keep from fidgeting restlessly.
Adam sighs a little as he sits down beside Tommy, mentally noting his closed-off posture. This is going to be harder than he thought.
The stance isn't closed off as much as it's defensive and guarded. Tommy never did like the phrase 'we need to talk' because they're dreaded words, those. Tommy blinks a few times before he manages to focus on Adam and look in his eyes.
"I - no, nothing's ... wrong. It's just - we should talk about this, don't you think? I mean -" Adam shifts so he's sitting sideways on the bed, facing Tommy, and he feels a tight squeeze in his chest when he realises that Tommy hasn't moved - he's still curled into himself on the bed. Adam sighs and starts again. "It's been ... intense, these past few weeks. Good, God it's been ..." Adam's voice fades away as he tries to find the right word. "It's been amazing Tommy. It's just ... shit."
Adam says it's amazing and Tommy waits for the 'but,' because those words always come before the 'but.' He doesn't think he can take hearing any of this shit Adam seems to be struggling to say so, Tommy looks down at his knees, quiet, waiting, wishing it was over already. Spit it out.
Adam rakes his hand through his hair and takes a deep breath. Tommy's had him off-kilter for a while, but this feels different somehow. Like they're on the precipice of something more important than just ... fucking, or ... playing ... or whatever they have been doing. Adam can feel it - a shift like the charge in the air from an approaching storm.
But - a cleansing storm or a damaging one?
"Tommy. Look at me," Adam says, his voice gentle rather than demanding, wanting to reach out to touch, but not sure if he should. "Do you remember what you said to me right before you fell asleep at my birthday party? You ..." Adam's voice dries up and he almost laughs. In the past few weeks he's had Tommy in nearly every imaginable position; he's let this - this beautiful boy, looking at him now with heartbreaking eyes, draw out the dark and wild thing that Adam had honestly given up on. He'd resigned himself to never finding another partner after Brad who wanted him that way and now - now Adam has the terrible feeling he's on the verge of fucking everything up.
Because he's ready for some things. But he's not sure if he's ready for love. He's been careful not to fall. So careful. But Tommy ... "You ... said you loved me. Do you remember that?"
Shit! Tommy does look up with his eyes wide and a little frightened.
Shit, shit, shit! He doesn't remember saying that. He doesn't! Tommy's whole body tenses that his arms around his legs tightens and he hugs them closer, his breath suddenly hitching because, God! He told Adam he loves him!
Maybe he can laugh this off? Tell Adam that the words were said while he was in a drunken stupor and he can hope Adam believes him.
Throwing it back to Adam is a bad idea, too; telling him he heard wrong and that both of them were drunk that night. That doesn't matter because by the time they fucked, Tommy's sure they were as close to sober as they can get given how much they drank that night.
Excuses are not going to work and Tommy realizes this as his shoulders drop and he hangs his head down, sighing, resigned.
"I don't remember," Tommy admits but then his eyes, as they look back at Adam, knows that even if he forgot, he is capable of saying it -- because he does love Adam and it's right now painted clear as day on his face. Tommy turns away again, hiding his face and the expression he can't hide no matter how hard he tries.
"Is that the problem? That you heard me say that?" Get it out already! Tommy wanted to yell because this feels like a bandaged wound and prolonging ripping that bandage off won't change the fact that it's going to hurt.
"Tommy - no, no that's not - it's not -" Adam bites down on his bottom lip to stop himself babbling. Taking a deep breath he starts again, moving slightly closer to Tommy on the bed, but not touching, the look in Tommy's eyes making his heart thud in his chest. "That's not the problem," Adam says quietly, running the back of his hand down Tommy's bare arm. "It's - it's just that - " Adam moves his hand to Tommy's face, turning his head slightly, running his thumb along Tommy's cheekbone. "I'm so close to falling for you Tommy ..." Adam plants a soft, barely-there kiss at the corner of Tommy's mouth.
When Adam kisses him, Tommy's eyes close and he leans ever so slightly toward Adam, pressing his temple against his. If that's what he feels, then what Tommy admitted to, what he said the night of Adam's birthday should be something that Adam wants to hear, right?
Tommy pulls back enough to look at Adam, their faces close together and he waits because even with what Adam just said -- that he's falling for Tommy -- he has a feeling there's still that 'but,' that needs to follow. That there's more that Adam needs to say and it makes Tommy's heart clench even tighter in his chest.
This is the point in past relationships where Adam's always deflected: picked a fight, or turned talking into fucking, but he knows Tommy deserves more than that. Tommy deserves the truth, because he's only ever been open and honest with Adam. "I'm just ... scared," Adam says, and it's a big risk and a spare whisper all at once: he's never admitted to being scared before - not to Brad; not to anyone. And now Adam's really on the edge of the precipice.
Tommy unfurls from where he's curled into himself and then he peers into Adam's face, inching even closer. "The fuck you think I feel?" he says, his voice low his eyes narrowing. "You think I'm not scared shitless I feel the way I do about you? That I don't give a fuck about what you think about me and how you feel about me?"
It was Tommy's turn to cradle Adam's face in his hands and he tilts him enough so that they're looking into each other's eyes. "I think about it all the time. Every time you ask me to kneel, each time you cuff my wrists or when you tell me not to come, I do what you want me to do because I trust you won't hurt me. But ... after we do what we do I'm not sure how you feel about me." Tommy even pokes a finger over his heart. "I'm fucking scared, too, you know? Every. Fucking. Time."
Adam blinks in surprise at the vehemence of Tommy's outburst. He searches Tommy's face even as he curls his hand over Tommy's wrist, sliding his fingers along his arm, seeking what he's looking for in his dark, expressive eyes, which are fixed on Adam's face.
"I guess - we should have talked earlier. We've gone about this the wrong way," Adam says, reaching out to pull Tommy in closer, sliding his hands down to rest on his narrow hips.
"I'm not - ready to tell you what you want to hear, but that doesn't mean I don't - as far as I'm concerned, Tommy," Adam says, his voice gentle and quiet against the warm night, "You're not going anywhere. What you've given me over the past few weeks ... I can't even describe it. It means - more to me than anything."
Tommy crawls over Adam, ending up straddling his lap, sitting on his thighs and it feels like he's come home. Tommy's even smiling though it looks a little tired, slightly pained. It may not be what he expected, or even what he wants to hear, but it's enough.
"But what I need to know now - you say you do these things because I ask you to - do you want them? Do you want to submit to me ... or are you doing it because it's what I want?"
Adam slides his hands under Tommy's shirt, stroking at the smooth hot skin over his hips, his breath caught in his throat.
The touches elicit a response from Tommy, a soft whimper, a slight arch of his body closer to Adam, but he remains steadfast in the way he looks in those blue eyes. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be here."
For a brief moment he leans over and presses their foreheads together, trying to gather his thoughts to better express what he wants to say. As he pulls back, Tommy takes in a breath and just, well, there was no other way to do this than to go for it. "I want it. I want it all. What we do, and me, here with you. I want that. I just -- wasn't sure you wanted me. You never said anything, like, rules and shit. I didn't know my place..." At that Tommy's brows draw together, his lips pressing in a thin line as if worried he's said too much.
"Your place, Tommy?" Adam says, feeling himself getting hard as he runs his hands over Tommy's back, pushing up his t-shirt at the same time so he can run his fingers lightly down Tommy's spine. "Your place is right here. You want rules, beautiful boy? Boundaries?" Adam lays his hands on Tommy's back and draws him in closer, kissing him slow and deep.
The kiss makes Tommy whimper and press closer. He can feel the promise there, whispered between the breath they share within the kiss. He holds on tighter to Adam, arms around his shoulders, seeking more of that promise until Adam pulls back leaving Tommy wanting and breathless.
"You want to know what I want from you? What I expect? What I ... need? I need you, Tommy. I need you to be ... " Adam swallows and looks outside for a moment, at the night, deep and dark. He turns back to find Tommy's dark eyes searching his face. Adam reaches up with one hand, tracing a line down the side of Tommy's face, to his jaw, to his neck, resting his fingers lightly on Tommy's pulse that's skittering too fast.
"Rules," Adam says, smiling and resettling his legs. "Okay. Let's talk rules, Tommy Joe."
Adam shifting makes Tommy shift, too, from where he's straddling Adam's lap and then he finds himself pressed even more flushed against him. The movement makes him realize that Adam is hard and couple that with the the touches, the kiss, and Tommy finds himself getting hard as well.
"Rules." Tommy is nodding his head, murmurs the word, his voice coming out breathy. "I need them," he says, eyes wide and alert and just talking about this seem to elicit a visceral response from Tommy's body. He needs them. "Tell me what I can do. Tell me what I can't. Punish me if you have to but only because I broke your rules. I can't keep guessing, Adam. That's, like, impossible."
Adam nods as he bunches Tommy's shirt under his hands, sliding it up and pulling it off. "No more guess work, Tommy. I promise."
He talks to Tommy, his voice low and soft, asking him to shift while he gets his shorts off; Adam's clothes falling to the floor soon after. Adam keeps a hand on the back of Tommy's neck as he talks; shifting again, searching in the nightstand for supplies. He whispers in Tommy's ear as Tommy straddles him again; a low murmur of rules, and boundaries as he guides Tommy's hand to his cock; hard and heavy and hot.
The way Tommy strokes Adam's cock seems to move in time to how Adam whispers his words. He himself is free to talk, to ask Adam about the things he doesn't quite understand, things Tommy wants to make sure of. Then there is Adam explaining things in careful detail while Tommy settles over Adam's lap again, pressing closer, lips parting as he whimpers softly, nodding adamantly when Adam says things Tommy agrees with -- things he, too, wants.
Adam slides a slick finger down Tommy's ass, a smile curving into his neck as he feels Tommy's pulse thump under his mouth. He keeps Tommy in place on his lap as he pushes the finger in; slowly at first - teasing as he alternates between words and kisses; punctuating the ones he really wants Tommy to pay attention to with his teeth - marking his pale skin red in the dark of the night.
Every word that comes from Adam's mouth, each rule given, explained, they make Tommy feel more and more aroused, pushing down on Adam's fingers, moving inside him. He feels himself open up, loose and ready and wanting.
Then there are the words they exchange between heated kisses, compromises they make between stuttered breaths that leaves Tommy moaning as he holds on tightly to Adam. His body is already trembling, aching with a longing to feel Adam inside him, taking him so that Tommy can clench around him, make him come; seal this deal.
Adam gropes for the condom and rips open the foil, handing it wordlessly to Tommy and watching as he rolls it on; biting his lip.
"I hope," Adam says as he grips Tommy's hips and shifts him so he can lower him on to his cock "That we're - clear now."
By the time Adam's done talking, Tommy is pliant and ready. He blinks his eyes open, brushes the hair away from his eyes so that Adam can see that he has nothing to hide. "Clear," Tommy nods just as he feels the rounded head of Adam's cock nudging against his entrance and he grabs on to Adam's shoulders, lowering himself slowly.
"I want everything you said. I'd do all that - for you." Rules. Boundaries. "Yes. Yes!" Tommy needs all of this -- the rules, the talk, Adam.
Adam bites back a moan as Tommy lowers himself on to his hard cock, steadying his hands on the small of Tommy's back. Adam's breath catches in the back of his throat at Tommy's whispered words; at the way his dark eyes gleam in the dim lamp light, and all Adam can do is stare. "So beautiful, T-Tommy," Adam breathes against Tommy's mouth. "So t-tight, oh God ..." Adam tightens his grip on Tommy's hips and starts thrusting up, slowly; his mouth on Tommy's now more insistent.
He wants to make this last, wants to remember it: the sound of the ocean in the distance; the warm night breeze drifting in the open doors and Tommy, tight around him, and his hands on Adam's shoulders, his words in the dark. Adam breaks the kiss, panting a little as he buries his head in Tommy's neck, his hands sliding up Tommy's back; smooth and slightly slick with sweat. Adam flicks out his tongue, tasting a bead of sweat on Tommy's neck and groans again, low and quiet in the back of his throat.
"Tommy," he whispers against Tommy's skin as he starts to thrust a little harder; hardly aware that he's speaking at all.
Sliding his hands around Adam's shoulders, wrapping around him, Tommy holds Adam tighter, closer, pressed chest to chest. His hips rise and fall, sinking onto Adam's long, hard cock making Tommy whimper each time he feels that stroke, tight and hot, stretching him open.
"Adam..." Tommy whispers, burying his face on the side of Adam's neck, panting moist, hot breaths with his lips touching sweat warm skin. "Tell me again," Tommy starts, gasping, moving with Adam, each thrust he meets, his body trembling. Everything that has just happened, all they talked about, it's in the forefront of his mind. It is exactly what he needs, given to him but not in the usual, violent and rough way Adam had always taken him.
"Tell me -- I'm yours." Tommy murmurs, nuzzling against the side of Adam's neck, moaning softly, hard cock pinned between them and rutting against both their bellies. "S-say 'm-mine...'" The way Adam touches him, kisses him, even each time Adam thrust his cock upward, going deep inside feels different and Tommy thinks Adam is trying to kill him with tenderness. "Say 'mine.'"
Adam can't say anything right away, his breath catching in his throat when Tommy presses so close; no space between them at all, and he can feel Tommy's cock pressing hard and leaking against him. He thrusts up hard into Tommy again, moving his hands to the back of Tommy's neck so he can look him in the eye. "Mine," Adam says, softly at first, against Tommy's mouth as he thrusts again, and again, harder each time.
"Mine," he says again; a low, possessive growl as tenderness gives way to something far more primal. He slips a hand between their bodies and begins stroking Tommy's cock, his hand just on the wrong side of too tight, he knows, but - "Mine" Adam says again, kissing Tommy hard, biting down on his bottom lip as his rhythm starts to falter and he comes, hard, his hand tight on Tommy's neck.
"Mine," he says again, quieter, pulling Tommy forward to whisper it in his ear as he starts to fist Tommy's cock faster, rubbing his thumb over the leaking tip on each upstroke.
Tommy can feel Adam pulsing deep inside him and it makes his body tremble even more. Already he finds himself shaking, Adam's breath brushing against his skin, his eyes closed tight at how violently hard the shudders come, one after another, and they feel like they're never going to stop. It seems to stem from low in Tommy's spine, climbing his back like an electric current that rushes through his body with each uttered 'mine' from Adam.
With Tommy's arms around him, his face close to Adam's with that tight grip that makes him unable to move, to hide anything in his eyes and in his expression until he begins to murmur incoherent words. If Adam listens closely, he might be able to make out the quiet 'love you' and 'please' and 'yours' that spill from Tommy's lips, panted out with each gasped breath.
Adam hears the little whispers; the words that spill out of Tommy's mouth between the moans and murmurs - he leans in to hear them; to catch them as they fall from Tommy's lips; parted and swollen.
As physically close as he wants them to be and for Tommy to stay pressed and flushed against Adam, he pulls back enough to make room between them, feel each tight, hard stroke of Adam's hand around his erection, making Tommy shudder even harder. It pushes him closer and closer to the edge of coming, desperation sinking in that those words he says become mixed with several rumbled moans. "Please ... Oh, God, please!" Tommy is almost there. Almost. Just a little bit more and he's coming...
"Always mine," Adam breathes out, his hand still tight on the back of Tommy's neck.
There it is ... Tommy spills hot come in Adam's hand, slicking both their stomachs as he pants and whimpers and scrabbles for purchase with fingers grappling as he so desperately holds on to Adam, his orgasm taking him over. He comes so hard that he thinks he's going to break apart, splinter into pieces at how violently he falls apart under Adam's attention.
Mine. Always mine. It's what Tommy wants to know -- that he is completely Adam's -- even though Adam says he's not ready to say the other words Tommy even more desperately wants to hear. Always will have to be good enough. It should be enough for now. It has to be enough. He leans heavily against Adam, still shaking though sated and feeling completely boneless.
Adam strokes Tommy through the aftershocks of his orgasm, holding on as tight as he can, feeling as though he's the only thing in the world holding Tommy together right now. He feels his cock twitch as Tommy's ass clenches around it and leans his forehead against Tommy's, breathing hard. Ignoring the mess, Adam pulls Tommy in close and kisses him hard, trying to tell him everything that he can't say out loud right now.
I do love you he thinks as he strokes a hand down Tommy's back over, and over, soothing until Tommy stills. I do.
The way Adam kisses Tommy - God! It's like nothing else he's felt before. It's gentle and ... and ... loving. Even how this kiss feels is so different and all Tommy wants to do is wallow in it. Tommy shuts his eyes tight and holds on to Adam as he kisses back with tender abandon, moving his lips against Adam's slowly, revelling in the moment.
Adam feels like he could live in this moment forever, but practicalities surface soon enough. He slides his hands to Tommy's hips and says gently, "Gotta move, Tommy. We can't - stay like this all night," as he gently eases Tommy off his lap. Adam strips the condom and drops it on the floor before moving to lie down on his side. He feels sleepy and sated as he reaches out to pull Tommy close.
"All right?" he asks softly.
Tommy figures that Adam is asking because he whimpers softly when asked to move. He doesn't want to. All he wants is to stay there connected to Adam in more than just physical, more than what they just talked about. He falls against Adam, slow to move as he nestles and tucks at Adam's side. He fits there perfectly and he smiles at the realization.
"I am now," Tommy answers, leaning his head against Adam's chest, face tilted to look at Adam. "I'm glad we talked." And fucked -- even if it felt more like making lo-- no, no. Tommy won't think of that.
At least for now they both won't have to worry about crossing any lines or breaking any rules. Tommy still stares up at Adam, watching his eyes that look as if they'll flutter shut soon. He reaches out with a fingertip and a gentle touch, tracing around Adam's eyes, brushing the tip of his finger along his long lashes. Tommy smiles softly at him, fingertip sliding from the bridge down to the tip of Adam's nose.
"Are you, like, okay with everything?" Tommy didn't even manage to ask that earlier, too aroused, too overwhelmed with his own emotions for Adam.
Adam's eyes start to flutter closed as Tommy touches his face, his callouses rough but tender at the same time. "I'm - fine," he says, exhausted but happy, feeling like he's just got off a rollercoaster. "With everything," he says, forcing his eyes open as he pulls Tommy in close, wrapping his arms around his slight body. Even with the doors open and the breeze coming from the ocean it's too hot to lie like this, but Adam doesn't care.
He pushes Tommy's sweat-soaked fringe back from his forehead and lets his eyes start to slip close, his hand sliding slack down Tommy's arm as sleep starts to take over.
"I -" but before he can finish his sentence, he's asleep; the long night finally taking its toll on his body.
"What? ...Adam?" Tommy's brows draw together and then his lips he presses into a thin line. "Adam..?"
Huh. Adam is asleep. How rude but funny. Tommy's expression softens to one he hardly wears, smiling wide and easy as he touches Adam's face very gently, fingertips barely there as he traces around Adam's lips, setting on the prominent freckle there.
Things are better. They are. Thinking of it has eased Tommy's mind as he settles more comfortably next to Adam, never mind the stickiness and the mess still caught between them. He closes his eyes, too, exhaustion from being here in Cabo, to their talk and then the sex begin to pull him under. Tommy feels Adam's strong arms around him as he listens to the soft breeze blowing, to the sound of the sea and Adam's soft, rhythmic breathing and then he lets those serene sounds and that warm, comfortable feeling finally lull him to sleep.