Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Sitting in her room, Alice watched with rapt attention as the movie played on the tiny phone screen. She found herself getting excited and silently cheered for the protagonists of the film to achieve victory over their rivals. The entire morning had been spent binge-watching the movie series, and Alice found herself particularly enjoying the fourth one, the one she was just finishing up, the most.

Unfortunately, her door being kicked open by Tamamo forced her to pause the movie just before the credits rolled and focus on her uninvited guest.

“ALICE!!!” The kitsune yelled as she stomped over to her. “Is this where you were all morning? Lazing around on your bed all day?”

“... Yes,” Alice admitted while quickly coming up with an excuse. “I was doing research on what hobbies our guests might enjoy besides being raped by monsters. Luckily, I found this film series on one of the phones that features many of the sports that exist on their world.”

She paused for a moment as an idea came to her. “Actually, that gives me an idea.” 

Tamamo squinted at Alice, knowing what this might be leading to. After a moment, she shrugged and decided to play along. “And what is that idea?”

Alice crossed her arms with a smug smile. “Humans love playing sports, a lot of those anime shows they have saved on their phones featured sports days, so why don’t we do one? Plus, it would be good for them to get some exercise that doesn't involve sex.” She nodded to herself. “We can have an author vs monster competition. This baseball game looks fun. We will play that.”

“A… Sports day?” Tamamo replied with a raised eyebrow. “And authors vs monsters? Wouldn’t that be hilariously one-sided?” 

The lamia waved off her concerns. “They have proven themselves to be resourceful and clever. I’m sure they will be challenging opponents.” Alice restarted the movie and handed Tamamo the phone before slithering over to her door. “You can watch that movie so you can see how the game is played while I assemble our team and tell Ditmag to do the same. We’ll hold the competition tomorrow.”

“Hmmm.” Tamamo hummed to herself as Alice left the room. Alice was right, the authors were pretty resourceful. Perhaps this will be a good opportunity for them to use their powers in unique and clever ways. Maybe this game would not be as one-sided as she thought it would be.

With a smile, she made herself comfortable in a pile of cushions and pressed the play button on the movie Alice told her to watch, titled Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch.

“Guys… We’re totally fucked aren’t we?” Pat said to the group of other authors while they waited in the changing room. 

Alice had gotten it in her head to host a sports competition between the authors and monsters and forced Ditmag to assemble a team. They had had no chance to practice or even meet together as a team before the game was to begin. 

“One hundred percent,” Panda replied with a grim expression on his face. 

“Why are we wasting time with this?” Drago complained. “I could be studying magic or training my sword skills instead of running around outdoors.”

“And I could be having sex right now!” PP groaned before holding up a bottle of elixir. “I wonder if elixir counts as a performance-enhancing drug.”

Kaerdron sighed while holding a clipboard. “No use complaining, let's just get this over with.” He glanced down at the names on the clipboard and checked off those present. “Let's see, Dit, PP, Pat, Uber, Ark, Jamie, Panda, Dune… Bloxy? Where have you been anyway?”

“Oh, I’ve been recovering in Enrika after Drago and I liberated it.” The man replied. “What? Where did you think I was?”

Pat glanced over at him. “I’m going to be honest. I think most of us forgot you were even here.” 

“Recovering in Enrika.” PP elbowed Bloxy with a grin. “Did Micaela ‘nurse’ you back to health? Did you do the dirty with her?” 

“... No,” Bloxy admitted with a downcast expression. “But, I refuse to give up! No matter how many times the elves in the village offered to show me a ‘good time’ or offered to put a blond wig on and wear fake wings, my heart is only for Micaela!”

“... Moving on.” Kaerdron cut in, continuing to list off the rest of the members assigned to their team. “Drago, Thomas, Me, and Whisky…” He narrowed his eyes at the last name and looked around. “Where is Whisky? Has anyone even seen Whisky at all?” 

“Nope.”

“I haven’t either.”

“Is he even still here?” 

“Well, we had a spare, so we still have enough players,” Kaerdron said, while tucking the clipboard under his arm. 

Uber raised his hand. “Yeah, sorry Kaer, but my headache has been getting pretty bad, I’m going to have to sit this one out. Tamamo already said I could be a commentator instead. I guess you didn’t get the updated list.” The man gave Kaer an apologetic expression. 

“Well, that’s a shame, we don’t have enough for a team. I guess we forfeit,” Drago said in an eager tone as he got to his feet. “I guess we don’t have to play.”

“Sit yourself down, we will think of something,” Ark said as he and Thomas grabbed Drago by the shoulders and pushed him back down onto the bench. 

“Well, now that we don’t have a spare, what are we going to do now?” Pat asked. 

“Don’t worry, Puru, Puru, I’ll find someone to replace Uber.” Lime sang out as a clone of her separated itself from PP and left the room. 

“... She does know that this is a male-only locker room, right?” Thomas pointed out. 

Jamie glanced over at Thomas. “You expect monsters to follow those types of conventions?” 

“Fair enough.” Thomas conceded. 

“Me and Lime are inseparable on a spiritual level. Our bond transcends silly things like male only signs.” PP interjected.

“What I don’t get is why I’m here.” Ark huffed. “I mean, I’m not gonna be the one playing this, and it feels weird going against Alice since I swore fealty to her… even if it’s just a game.”

“It feels like there hasn’t been much thought put into this whole thing,” Jamie replied. “I think she might have just forgotten you’re technically not an author anymore. That or she just doesn’t care.” 

“So… Getting back on topic, how many of you even know how to play baseball?” Pat asked. 

“No idea.” Drago shrugged.

“I know a little bit,” Panda added,

“Is that the one where you just hit the ball with the stick?” PP replied. 

“Well shit.” Pat groaned before turning to Ditmag. “Dit, you’re American, right? Can you give us all a crash course on baseball?” 

“I guess I’ll have to.” Ditmag agreed with a nod. “I remember most of the rules, so hopefully we don’t completely embarrass ourselves.” 

Everyone listened intently, like their lives depended on it, as Ditmag gave a basic outline of baseball and how one played the game. Alice had informed him of a few rule changes. Rather than three outs ending an inning, each inning would last until everyone batted once. Additionally, the teams would be eleven people rather than the standard nine.

They quickly hashed out who would be in which position, as well as the batting order for the game. All that was left to resolve was waiting for Lime to return with a final team member to fill out the roster. 

“I’m back, puru puru.’ Lime sang out as she entered the locker room, dragging a limp body wearing nothing but a shirt behind her. 

“Lime, what did you do to him?” Kaerdron hesitantly asked. 

“I did nothing, I just dragged him out from under a very grumpy centaur.” Lime happily replied as she tossed the limp man into the room.

No one wanted to point out that the centaur was likely grumpy because her ‘partner’ was stolen right out from under her. Instead, they glanced at the semi-conscious man before looking at each other. 

“I don’t think he’s in much of a condition to play at all.” Pat pointed out.

Kaerdron nodded in agreement before raising his clipboard again. “I’ll put him at the bottom of the batting list, hopefully he will be back on his feet by then. Worst case scenario, we can just borrow one of PP’s elixirs. By the way, does anyone know who he is?”

“Um, I think he’s that Stormblaze guy.” Jamie guessed.

Uber stroked his chin. “Stormblaze is the super horny guy right?” 

“You have no idea how little that narrows it down,” Panda replied. 

“Well, either way, we have a full team now. So it’s not just good, it’s good enough,” Pat said before kneeling down and sighing. “... Okay, who wants to be the one to dress the half-naked man? Don’t all volunteer at once now.”

Once Stormblaze was suited up in the team uniform, Team Authors headed toward the hastily assembled baseball diamond, with Thomas and Pat trailing behind, carrying Stormblaze’s limp body between them. Arriving at their team bench, the two hastily dropped Stormblaze onto the dirt and joined the rest of their team as they looked across the field at the opposing team. 

“So… How are we going to win this again?” Jamie asked.

“No idea,” Ditmag replied. “But knowing monsters, I can guess what is going to happen to the losing team.” 

Across the field in baseball uniforms of their own were Alice, Granberia, Alma Elma, Tamamo, Erubetie, Yao, Morrigan, Rami, Lucretia, Mitsuko, and, surprisingly, Alra Priestess. 

“Oh man, Alma is rocking that baseball uniform.” PP excitedly said, unable to tear his eyes away from the succubus..

“Please try to contain your horny until after we lose.” Pat countered.

“It’s honestly sort of weird seeing them wear outfits different from their base CGs,” Kaerdron noted.

“So…” Ark gestured to an unimpressed-looking Erubetie. Who, unlike the rest of her team, was not wearing clothes; instead, the Slime Queen had altered the colours of her slime to give the illusion of wearing clothes. “Who is willing to bet that Erubetie accidentally dissolved her uniform?” 

“Oh, that one hundred percent happened.” 

“Not taking that bet.”

Jamie pointed over to the umpire. “If you think that is weird, take a look at Sphinx; somehow, wearing a referee uniform looks good on her.” 

“Well, at least we can rest assured that Sphinx will probably keep things mostly impartial.” 

The baseball field itself looked fairly out of place. A small island of healthy, verdant grass surrounded by the desolate soil of Hellgondo. Assembled around the baseball diamond were several sets of bleachers filled with monsters and other Discord members. In one raised platform overlooking the field sat Uber and Fujibakama in front of a desk, ready to provide commentary and a play-by-play of the game. 

“HELLO AND WELCOME!” Uber shouted, accidentally being too loud for everyone.

“Uber! Volume, please!” Fujibakama chided him.

“Sorry,” The human apologized sheepishly. “Got a bit too into it. Maybe you should go first.”

“I agree.” The courtesan faced the field and everyone present. “Monsters and humans alike, welcome to the first baseball game in the history of the world!” she announced at a much more reasonable volume. “I am Fujibakama, and I, together with Uber, who is this charming human beside me, will be the commentators for this event!”

“I’m Uber,” Uber spoke up, considerably quieter than earlier. “And this is happening because the Monster Lord wants humans to show that they are able to stand their ground. Aaaand because baseball is fun?” He quickly added, noticing a few dour looks from the human side.

Fujibakama snickered. “Well, we can certainly expect this game to be very interesting! But a game has its rules, as you no doubt are all familiar with. To help ensure the fairness of the game, Lady Sphinx has graciously agreed to be the umpire for this event!”

“...Terminology for baseball is weird,” Uber muttered.

“You’re weird!” Someone from the human crowd replied.

“Now, now, let’s keep the atmosphere friendly, shall we?” The courtesan spoke placatively. “Now then, is everyone ready to start?”

“We’re all good to go here,” Ditmag yelled out.

“I’m not good to go!” Alra Priestess complained. “Why am I even here? I want to go home.”

“Stop complaining, you’re making us look bad. I can see what Queen Alraune meant by you needing to get out more.” Alice scolded the alraune. “By the first, why did I agree to her request to add you to my team?” She then turned to the announcers. “My team is ready, just ignore the noisy weed over there.”

“Then, without further ado, let the baseball game commence!” Fujibakama declared. “May the current teams assume their positions, please?”

“Well, looks like I’m up,” Ditmag announced as he stepped up to the batter's plate. He felt a tinge of fear upon seeing Alice at the pitcher’s mound. She had an awfully competitive look on her face, and he did not like his chances. 

“~Aw, is little Ditty scared? Don’t worry, I’m sure Alice will be gentle with you once we win~” Alma Elma teased as she took her position as catcher behind the home plate. 

Ditmag took up his batting stance and watched as Alice wound up to throw the ball. She wasn’t going to throw it as hard as she could, was she? 

The sonic boom from the ball going supersonic left him deaf in one ear and completely stunned. He didn’t even see Alice throw it, just a bit of a blur. He could barely make out Sphinx yelling out the strike over the ringing in his ears. A dust cloud was thrown up, obscuring everything from view.

“Whoa, wh… what happened?” Uber exclaimed. “I couldn’t even see the ball. How hard did Alice throw it?!”

“Quite hard, to put it lightly,” Fujibakama replied with a giggle.

“Too fast, Alice, too fast!” Alma could be heard complaining. “My hand is stinging from that, and I think poor Dit’s ear is bleeding.” 

Alice let out a reluctant huff. “Ugh… I suppose you’re right. I’ll try to throw it slower next time.” 

Her next throw was slightly slower, and Ditmag was able to faintly see it rocket past him. The sonic boom still knocked him onto his ass.

“Strike two!” Sphinx yelled, her voice sounding very muffled to Ditmag.

“Okay, I did see the ball this time,” Uber commented. “But that’s, uh…”

“The Monster Lord still threw it a little too hard for Dit to react in time,” Fujibakama noted.

“Yeah.”

Ditmag shook his head and tried to recover. He could still faintly hear Alma, who was once more yelling at Alice not to throw so hard. Stepping back up to the plate, he took his stance and prepared himself to get a third strike. 

This time, when Alice threw the ball, it moved slowly enough that he could react just in time. He desperately swung his bat and was surprised when it connected with the ball. That surprise quickly faded into shock as the bat shattered in his hands, sending splinters everywhere. Much to Fujibakama’s amusement, Uber immediately winced and took cover, even though he was a very considerable distance away from the bat.

“Strike… Wait, does anyone see where the ball went?” Sphinx asked as her snake heads looked around.

“I think the ball disintegrated,” Alma muttered. “What does that mean?” 

“Umm…” Sphinx trailed off as she decided on a course of action. “Seeing as the ball has been erased from existence, Ditmag gets to walk to first base.”

Team Authors let out a cheer from the bench while Kaerdron got up and made his way to the batting plate. Grabbing a fresh bat, Kaer stepped in front of Alma and took the same stance Dit had taught them earlier. He immediately noticed Morrigan in the outfield; she had her shirt folded up over her breasts to put them on full display for him. The succubus was a bit too far away for him to see the look on her face, but he was fairly confident that she was grinning while flashing him. 

The distraction worked, and Kaerdron did not have enough time to react to the ball that zipped past his face. 

“Strike one!” 

“Shit,” He muttered as he forced himself to ignore Morrigan’s distraction and refocused on the game.

“Oh dear,” Fujibakama said with a small smile. “It seems that one of the human players has a weakness~” 

He narrowed his eyes as Alice threw the next ball. To his shock, the ball ignited in flames and dissolved into ash before it even reached him. 

“Oop, there goes another ball,” Uber commented, no longer surprised that this had happened.

“Again, Alice. Too hard. That one literally burned up from atmospheric friction!” Alma yelled to Alice. 

“... I’ll let the batter walk to first base, and first base can go to second on the grounds that the monster lord is purposefully destroying sports equipment.” Sphinx declared after a few seconds. 

While Kaerdron and Ditmag advanced one base each, Alice stomped her tail. “I didn’t do it on purpose! These balls are just too fragile for someone of my power. Someone get me another, I’ll prove that I can retrain myself.” 

“Nope, I’m vetoing this!” Tamamo yelled from the outfield. “Sorry, Alice, but if you keep pitching, the other team will just keep walking bases until the game ends or until we run out of baseballs. Someone else go and pitch.” 

“Ohh, I’ll do it!” Morrigan yelled out upon seeing Jamie walk onto the pitch to bat next. “You!” She yelled at Jamie as she ran to the pitcher’s mound. “You made me eat my sister in that stupid fanfic you wrote. I’ll make you regret that you ever thought of writing that!” 

“Uh-oh,” Jamie mumbled. “But what about the time we spent together at that inn in Gold?” He yelled back. “Does that count for anything?”

Morrigan wound her arm up. “If I knew what you wrote about me, it would not have been nearly as pleasant for you!” She hissed as she threw the ball. 

Jamie had no time to dodge as the ball hit him on the forehead and sending him to the ground like a puppet whose strings have been cut.

“ Ouch… I felt that,” Uber said with a wince.

“Indeed,” Fujibakama muttered. “I’m certain that will leave a concussion.”

“...Will he be alright?”

“Oh, he’ll be fine.”

Meanwhile, Morrigan did a small victory dance, having successfully avenged her in-fic sister. That dance ended when Sphinx blew her whistle. 

“Batter gets to walk to first base.” The ancient Monster declared.

“What!” Morrigan sputtered and complained. “He didn’t hit the ball, though!”

“Ball hit the batter, batter gets to walk to first base. Everyone else can advance one base.” Sphinx announced. 

Morrigan stomped over to Sphinx. “What's the meaning of this?” She demanded while carefully stepping over a semi-conscious Jamie. “You aren’t still mad about the time I tried to seduce your husband, are you?” 

“Seeing as he completely rejected you and then beat you up, I have no grievances about that. In fact, it is a very fond memory of mine. Now get back to your spot. Before I penalize you.” 

Morrigan’s retort died in her throat, and she turned away from Sphinx, only to see Tamamo had taken her place at the pitcher’s mound. “Hey! Don’t steal my spot.” 

“All three bases are loaded now because of yours and Alice’s foolishness; someone responsible has to take over pitching.” Tamamo happily sang out as she tossed the ball up and caught it again. “Back to the outfield you go.” 

“So now that that had been settled… What do we do about him?” Alma gestured to Jamie, who was still lying on the ground, half-conscious. 

“Just drag him over to 1st base,” Sphinx instructed. 

Back at the author’s bench, they too had noticed that they had all three bases filled and were one good hit away from getting four points. Ditmag was now at third base, standing beside a grumpy-looking Alra Priestess, Kaer at second base with an even grumpier Erubetie, and Jamie, who was sprawled out at first base with a concerned Mitsuko checking to see if he was alright.

“Alright, that’s… three bases in, and the Author team is one hit away from scoring a quadruple!” Uber proclaimed, starting to adjust into the role. “Will the next batter pull through?”

“I don’t think sooo~” Fujibakama practically sang.

Uber frowned and looked at the courtesan. “Why?”

“Because Tamamo is the pitcher, of course~”

“Sounds like bias.”

“I personally prefer the word ‘loyalty’. Ah, it seems that Panda is next,” The kitsune commented, seeing one of the humans get up to get into position.

“Go Papa, go!” Mini squeaked from the audience stands.

“You got this, Panda!” Pat yelled as Panda stepped up to home plate. 

“We believe in you!” Thomas added before turning to Pat. “Tamamo is going to strike him out, isn’t she?”

“Oh, most certainly. He doesn’t stand a goddamn chance.” Pat replied to his fellow fluffy tail enthusiast.

As expected, Tamamo proved to be a competent pitcher, and with three throws, Panda struck out. With a depressed look, he slowly shuffled back to the bench where the other authors did their best to reassure him. 

“See?” Fujibakama smirked triumphantly. “Never underestimate our leader and teacher, Uber.”

“At least it was a sporting chance, I guess…” Uber muttered.

“Don’t worry, man, we've got plenty of chances to get some points. Besides, not like any of us could do better.” PP reassured Panda before gesturing to Drago, who was currently batting. “See, you’re not the only one, we all suck.” He added as Drago got his third strike. 

“This game is stupid and sports are stupid,” Drago muttered as he tossed his bat to the ground and wandered back to the bench.

“What did we get ourselves into…” Uber muttered.

“I believe it’s more accurate to say, what did the Monster Lord get you into?” Fujibakama spoke sympathetically. She looked at the field, and her expression brightened up. “Oooh, now here comes the kitsune’s favourite ~”

“Who… Ah, it’s Thomas.”

Seeing Thomas moving to bat, a group of kitsunes led by Kitsu started excitedly cheering for him. “You got this Tommy-poo!!! Make us proud.” 

Thomas stepped up next and did his best to hype himself up. He appreciated the support he was getting from Kitsu and the others and was determined not to let them down. He looked over at Tamamo on the pitcher’s mound in hopes that she would be easy on him. The wink she sent his way added to those hopes, and he noticed she subtly pointed at the dirt. He nodded in understanding, and as Tamamo threw the ball at him, he summoned the power of the earth and hit the ball as hard as he could. 

Everyone watched in shock, surprise and awe as the ball rocketed skyward. Its ballistic trajectory would make it easily fly past the fence and make it a home run. The author's bench erupted in cheers as it looked like they would get an easy four points. Those cheers quickly died down as Lucretia took to the sky and intercepted the ball, catching it in her talons. 

“You’re out!” Sphinx declared. 

The group of kitsune’s cheering for him erupted in booing and calling Sphinx a bad referee.

“Wh… Hold on, is flying even allowed?” Uber exclaimed in confusion. “I’m pretty sure baseball never had anybody fly.”

“Well, the best course of action in these situations is to check the rulebook,” Fujibakama said. “It was written to account for monsters’ physiques and abilities.

Uber pulled out the rulebook, which might as well have been a large pamphlet, and quickly glanced through it.

“...Flying is not forbidden,” He muttered and sighed.

“Look at it this way,” the courtesan said, reassuringly patting the man’s shoulder. Catching up with a ball at such speeds requires considerable physical ability, even for a harpy.“

“Lucretia’s a queen, though…”

Fujibakama simply shrugged before returning her attention to the field.

“Better luck next time, Thomas,” Tamamo said with a shrug as Thomas returned to the bench. 

Up next was Bloxy, who, much like Drago and Panda before him, was unable to hit the ball and quickly struck out. 

Pat glanced over to his bench neighbour. “Okay, Ark, you’re up. You decided on which persona is going out there?” 

“Yeah, Spectra’s decided to take over for the game,” Ark replied before shifting into the wooden voodoo doll. Spectra then started giggling menacingly as she skittered over to the batter box on all fours in a spider-like manner, snatching up a bat in a pair of spectral hands to use. 

Over at first base, Jamie was beginning to regain consciousness and looked around in confusion, having no idea where he was. 

“Alright, bring it on, you cunny fox!” Spectra taunted toward Tamamo. 

“Oh, I’ll show you, you sentient piece of firewood,” Tamamo yelled before throwing the ball. 

Spectra’s floating hands swung the bat, and with a loud crack, the bat made contact with the ball, sending it soaring deep into the outfield. 

“Oh dear, here we go!” Fujibakama proclaimed with surprising energy.

“No time to waste, Spectra!” Uber yelled out. “It’s time to get running! Run, Spectra!”

“Run! Run! Run!” The authors yelled to their teammates, who quickly began to run along the baseball diamond. 

Jamie, still slightly concussed, stumbled his way toward the next base while Ditmag and Kaerdron ran with the goal of getting to the home plate. 

“I got it!” Yao yelled as she jumped up and caught the ball in her large paw. 

“Aww poo.” Spectra pouted while coming to a stop about halfway to first base. 

“Ah crap, go back!” Uber exclaimed. “Hurry, or you’ll be tagged out of the game!”

“Go back! Go back!” The authors began to yell as Ditmag and Kaerdron quickly turned around and made their way back to third and second base, respectively, before they could be tagged out. Jamie, still stumbling around confused, was not able to react in time and get back to first base before Yao tossed the ball to Mistuko, who quickly tagged Jamie out with the ball.

“Jamie’s out!” Sphinx announced. 

“Ouch…” Uber muttered. “Well, maybe that’s for the best, concussion is not a joke.”

“I’m sure our healers will patch him right up,” Fujibakama smiled.

“Alright, Looks like I’m up. Pat said as he stood up from the bench. “I’m going to be happy if I can at least hit the ball.” 

While Pat made his way to the batter’s box, Stormblaze, still resting on the dirt where Pat and Thomas left him, finally awoke. The critical ecstasy having finally worn off, he glanced around with a confused look on his face. “Huh? Where am I? And why am I lying on the dirt?” 

PP glanced over. “Ah, finally awake. Did you have a good time with that centaur?”

“Yup,” Stormblaze replied before looking down. “So...Why am I in a baseball uniform and what’s going on?” 

“For the first question, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to. As for the second, congratulations, you successfully made the cut to join the author’s baseball team.” Panda answered the man. “I hope you know how to play, cause we are not doing so good.”

Stormblaze shook his head. “I have never even picked up a baseball bat before.”

“Well… That probably makes you about average on this team’s tier list.” PP reassured his teammate. 

Pat stepped up to the batter's box and mentally prepared himself. Hearing someone cheer his name, he glanced over to the stands and smiled at the sight of Minamo in a cheerleader’s outfit cheering him on. Beside her was Nanabi in a similar outfit, adjusted to better fit her taur body, holding a sign that read ‘♡Go PP♡’.

“Oh my, lady Nanabi looks so eye-catching in that outfit~” Fujibakama cooed at the sight. “She knows how to catch attention indeed. And of course, little Minamo looks so cute in her new outfit as well~”

“First Thomas and now Pat and PP? No kitsunes cheering me on?” Tamamo gasped dramatically. “Such betrayal from my beloved kitsunes.” 

Minamo’s and Nanabi’s ears flattened in shame, and the two gave each other a quick look before turning around for a moment. When they turned around again, they held up a new sign that read ‘We hope everyone just has fun.’

“Eh, good enough for me,” Tamamo replied with a shrug before turning back to Pat. “Get ready, Patty-watty, I expect you to put the training Minamo and Yao gave you to good use. 

The ball was thrown, the bat was swung, and a strike was called.

“You can do better than that!” Tamamo lectured before throwing the ball again. 

“Strike two!”

Pat groaned as he got ready to swing for a third time. This time, when Tamamo threw the ball, he noticed that something was off. Now that he thought about it, the ball throws were a little too far away. Pat stopped himself from swinging at the last moment. 

“Ball one!” 

“Oh, thank god!” Pat muttered. He had completely forgotten that balls were a thing. 

“Ball two!” 

“Ball three!” 

“Oh, come on!” Pat yelled to Tamamo, who had a mischievous grin on her face. She was definitely trying to lure him in with a false sense of security. He either had to hit the ball this time or hope that she was planning on purposefully throwing another ball out of the strike zone like the last three times. Knowing Tamamo, she was probably going to switch things up and throw normally again… Unless that is what she wanted him to think… Or did she know that he knew that that was going to be her plan, and she was going to switch it up again. 

“Ahhhh!” Pat yelled as he racked his brain trying to figure out what sort of 4D chess plan Tamamo had cooked up. 

“Fufufu.” Tamamo giggled upon seeing Pat scream as she prepared to throw again. 

Pat guessed correctly, Tamamo threw the ball normally this time and managed to hit the ball. He immediately sprinted for first base while Ditmag and Kaerdron also made their runs. 

The crowd cheered as Ditmag ran past home plate, scoring Team Authors their first point. Kaerdron was not so lucky. Granberia quickly grabbed the ball from the grass in the outfield and tossed it towards Alra Priestess on third base. The alraune let out a squeak of terror and raised a carnivorous flower to shield herself from the ball rocketing toward her. The ball impacted the flower’s mouth and lodged itself deep inside the viney throat of the flower. 

“Yeesh,” Uber winced. “That can’t be pleasant from the looks of it.”

Priestess started flailing the flower around, trying to get the ball out and accidentally hitting Kaerdron with it as he ran by. 

“Kaerdron is out!” Sphinx declared. 

Meanwhile, Pat ran past first base and saw Priestess remove the ball from the flower. Taking a gamble, he ran as fast as he could to get to second base before Priestess had a chance to throw it to Erubetie, who was guarding second base. 

“Ah fuck!” He let out a cry of surprise as he tripped on his own feet and lost his footing, falling right into Erubetie and becoming fully engulfed inside her. Pat felt ecstasy while he floated inside Erubetie and found himself quickly orgasming as the slime stimulated every part of his body. His mouth was filled with a heavenly taste as he opened his mouth to try and breathe. A few seconds later, he was ejected out from her back, landing on second base with a wet splat . His clothes were mostly dissolved, and he looked a few years younger. 

“Okay, whatever Erubetie did to him just now, I don’t want to know,” Uber muttered with a shudder.

“How dare she,” Fujibakama hissed, clearly angry but holding back for the sake of professionalism. “How dare she lay her slime on Pat like that.”

“Safe?” Sphinx declared in an uncertain tone. Alra Priestess was still holding the ball, having frozen mid-toss upon seeing someone trying to dive through the Slime Queen. 

“Hora hora, not bad.” Erubetie licked her lips. “Feel free to pay me a visit if you want to look even younger. You look like you were very cute in your youth.” 

Pat could only respond with a moan as he lay on the ground while suffering from critical ecstasy. He swallowed the mouthful of slime before trying and failing to get to his feet. 

“Erubetie, poaching is bad!” Tamamo yelled, already knowing she would be hearing complaints from Yao, Minamo, and Fujibakama about it later. 

“Alright, my turn!” PP declared as he ran up to the pitcher’s box. “I’ll show you amateurs how it is done!” 

“Carefull PeePee, you might get your ego raped a bit.” Alma teased behind him. 

“Oh, don’t worry, after we win, me and Lime will have quite the celebration as we indulge in victor's rights on you. Mamabi will also be invited, of course.” He taunted the succubus. 

“Fufufu, And of course, Mamabi is invited to my victory celebration as I take victor’s rights out on you and Lime.” Alma teased back. 

“Can you two stop flirting! We have a game to play here!” Tamamo yelled from the pitcher's mound. 

“Don’t get jealous, you old hag,” PP replied as he took up his stance. 

“Old hag!” Tamamo screeched. “I’ll show you what this hag can do!” 

PP smirked. “Bring it on!” 

Uber briefly looked at Fujibakama. “What do you think? Does he ‘got it’?”

“Knowing Alma Elma, and speaking as a professional courtesan… Nope,” Fujibakama said, clearly on Alma’s side, especially after hearing PP call Tamamo a hag. “He does not ‘got it’.”

“Strike one!”

“Strike two!”

“Strike three! You’re out of there!” 

“Fufufu. Don’t tire yourself out too much, PeePee. I expect you to have energy for tonight.” Alma sang out as PP quietly left the pitch, giving him a quick slap on the ass as he left. 

“Alright, last one up!” Tamamo excitedly yelled to Team Author’s bench. 

As Stormblaze ran up to the batter’s box, the mood for the team of writers was understandably poor. They had only one point, and even if Stormblaze nailed the baseball, Pat was stuck on second base, still out of commission. Stormblaze could not pass Pat, so they had no way of scoring another point this round unless he scored a home run. 

“Well, that’s our last batter,” Uber muttered with a frown. “And to think that, if it wasn’t for the headaches, I would be the one standing there.”

“Aw, don’t be so sad, Uber,” Fujibakama reassured him, wrapping a few of her tails around his shoulder. “They did their best. Besides, the round is not over yet, and it’s only the first one. Who knows, perhaps Team Author will prevail in the end?”

Tamamo threw the ball, and to everyone’s surprise, most of all Stormblaze’s, the ball connected with the bat and was sent rocketing away. Lucretia tried to chase after it but was unable to catch it before it impacted the ground, well outside the fence.

“Huh?” Stormblaze said as he looked at the bat in his hands. This was the first time he ever picked up a baseball bat. He shrugged and wondered if he had missed his calling or if it was just dumb luck. 

“See? You only need to have a little faith~” Fujibakama smiled.

“It’s still only the first round…” Uber muttered. “But huh, maybe Stormblaze secretly has what it takes to be a proper baseball player.”

The bench with the authors let out an applause as to their surprise, they had scored three whole points in the first inning. As they ran over to congratulate Stormblaze, they dared to let themselves hope that they might have a chance. Hopes that would soon be squashed.

“Team Author’s take your spots!” Sphinx yelled out. “And someone get Pat an elixir!”

“I’ll help him!” Both Yao and Minamo yelled simultaneously as they raced each other to be the one to revive Pat, who was still lying limp on the ground at second base. Yao got there first and smirked at a pouting Minamo as she took the opportunity to feed Pat a bottle of elixir mouth-to-mouth while pinning him down. 

“Yao! Stop making out with Pat, you can do that later!” Tamamo yelled to her subordinate.

“But I have to make sure that slimes haven’t replaced us as his favourites!” Yao whined as she reluctantly released Pat and returned to her team’s bench.

“And that’s very important, may I add,” Fujibakama quipped.

“Admit it, you kitsunes have a kink for kissing,” Uber pointed out.

“Aw, now why would you make such wild accusations, Uber?” The courtesan replied in an overly dramatic fashion.

Pat got up and glanced down at his uniform. It was now dyed blue and was in tatters, the thin remaining bits of cloth just barely covering up his chest and crotch. One wrong move and he would accidentally flash the audience. “Um, question.” He raised his hand up. “Can I get a new uniform?” 

“Sorry, Pat, but we are all out of uniforms,” Tamamo giggled before gesturing to the stands. “Besides, you aren’t going to deny the girls a nice view, would you?” 

He glanced over at the part of the stands Tamamo pointed to and felt a little self-conscious. Seated there were several kitsunes: Hana, Kashi, Kiko, Moonlight, and Hot Water Bottle sitting among them. All looking at him with hungry eyes. Some of them whipped away a bit of drool while others licked their lips. He also spotted Minamo and Fujibakama stealing glances at him. 

“I… I guess I can do that for them.” Pat awkwardly conceded as he walked to his place at third base, reluctantly accepting his role as kitsune fan service.

“I certainly don’t mind at all~” Fujibakama commented with a salacious lick of her lips.

“Alright, first batter, get ready,” Sphinx called out. 

Shortly after, Alice slithered over to the batter's box and grabbed a baseball bat with her tail. “Fufufu, be ready to be amazed by my tail technique.” She boasted to Spectra, who was holding the baseball in one of her detached hands.

“Fufufu, I'mma do my patented fucky-wucky ball!" Spectra yelled mischievously. 

Alice cocked her head in confusion. “Your what?”

Spectra “threw” the ball, the spectral construct of a hand still wrapped around it as it flew forward. The second before Alice was able to hit it with the bat, it moved out of the way.

“What!” Alice yelled as the ball started flying around Alice like a mosquito. The lamia flailed with the bat, trying to swat it out of the air to no avail. She was beginning to get frustrated. “Stay still, you stupid ball!”

“Alright. That I’m pretty sure is not legal,” Uber muttered as he reached for the rulebook.

“Isn’t she on your team, though?” Fujibakama pointed out.

“The point of the game is for everyone to have fun, not to have fun at the expense of others,” the man retorted.

“That is a good point. Though I don’t think Spectra can even hear you right now, Uber.”

"Ooooooh! Fucky wuckyyyyyyy!" Spectra cackled as PP, standing behind Alice in the catcher’s position, dove to the ground, barely avoiding getting knocked out as Alice’s baseball bat swung wildly through the air. 

Alice shot a glare at Spectra and, having had enough, lobbed the baseball bat at the voodoo doll. 

“Spectra is disqualified from the pitcher’s position!” Sphinx announced.

“What!” Spectra objected. “On what grounds?”

“On the grounds that you are interfering with the ball after throwing it,” Sphinx replied before adding with a whisper. “And because you’re annoying.”

PP, having heard Sphinx’s whisper, struggled to contain his laughter. 

“What are you talking about?” Spectra gestured to the ball, still in the grasp of one of the spectral hands. “It’s not left my hand yet! I never threw it.” 

Sphinx narrowed her eyes. “If you keep arguing with me, I’ll ban you from the game.”

“Do it, keep arguing with her!” Morrigan yelled from the bench. 

“Fine! I didn’t want to be the pitcher anyway!” Spectra backed down and wandered out into the outfield with Jamie, still sporting a massive bruise on his forehead, taking her spot at the pitcher’s mound. 

Alice once more took up her stance and easily hit the ball. Jamie’s eyes widened as the ball beelined straight towards him. The crowd winced as the ball struck Jamie in the forehead, sending him to the ground unconscious again.

“Wh… Again?!” Uber exclaimed in shock.

“Is he still alive…?” Fujibakama muttered, squinting to get a better look. “...Ah, yes, he’s fine.”

“Fine?! No, he’s not!”

“Wooo! Great job, Monster Lord!” Morrigan cheered loudly as Alice began to saunter to first base with a satisfied smile.

“Pat!” Ditmag yelled. “Get the ball!” 

As instructed, Pat sprinted for the ball, jumping over the unconscious Jamie and quickly scooping it up. He then tossed it to Kaerdron at second base, who caught it moments after Alice got there. 

“Safe at second!” Sphinx yelled out. 

“I guess I’ll pitch next?” Pat asked as Panda and Bloxy ran over to drag Jamie into the outfield. They deposited his unconscious body deep in the outfield, where he would hopefully be left in peace. Meanwhile, Stormblaze moved in to take Pat’s spot at third base. 

Next up was Granberia, who, instead of taking a batter's stance, adopted a sword stance.

“I think we all know what is about to happen here,” Kaerdron muttered beside Alice, who nodded in agreement as they watched Pat throw the ball to Granberia. 

As the ball closed in, Granberia’s baseball bat erupted in flames and, with a mighty swing, sent the ball soaring spaceward, leaving sonic booms in its wake.

“...I’m sorry, but what just happened?” Fujibakama spoke in confusion, looking up at the sky where the ball had disappeared.

“Uh…” Uber blinked, also quite taken aback by what he saw. “Ladies and gentlemen, uh… the ball has left… not just the field, but the planet as well, from the looks of it.”

“Did… Did she just knock that into orbit?” PP shouted out.

“As expected from my only competent knight.” Alice boasted as she slithered back to home plate. 

Granberia glanced at the glowing charcoal stick in her hand. “I think we will need another bat.” 

Lucretia walked past Granberia and over to the batter’s box. The Queen Harpy looked at the bats lying to the side, then at her wings and back at the bats again. “I don’t think we fully thought this through.” She told Sphinx, who had also noticed the problem. 

“Just use your talons and hover over the box; that should work.” The umpire reasoned out.

The harpy shrugged and grabbed the bat with one of her feet and, with a flap of her wings, expertly hovered in place over the batter’s box. 

“Go Mama, Go!” Mini cheered. Causing Lucretia to almost fall to the ground from being distracted by the phoenix’s cuteness. 

When Pat tossed the ball, Lucretia spun around and swatted the ball with the bat. She then blasted forward and dove down like a Peregrine Falcon to touch each base before flying to the next one, with the authors unable to tag her with the ball. 

“And that's another point for them,” Ditmag muttered as the harpy flew past home plate. 

“Yeesh, that was quick…” Uber muttered. “Why don’t humans have wings so that they can fly too…”

“There, there, Uber, it’s only a flesh wound,” Fujibakama patted his shoulder with a gentle smile. She glanced at the field. “Ah, it seems like the rambunctious succubus is up next.”

“Just all of you watch. I’ll show you all the amazing skills of the Lilith Sisters.” Morrigan boasted as she stepped up next. 

She took a wild swing just as the ball zipped past. It landed cleanly in PP’s glove, nowhere near where Morrigan’s bat had cut through the air.

“Strike one!” 

“What!” Morrigan yelled out and turned to Sphinx with a glare. “That doesn’t count. It was a warm-up.” She then turned to PP. “And don’t you even think about laughing.”

“Strike two!” Sphinx called out as Morrigan whiffed another pitch. 

“Ha! Some skills those are!” Alma taunted from the bench. 

“If only your mother could see your shameful display. She would be so disappointed in you.” Tamamo added. 

“Shut it, you hag. Don’t make me tell everyone about the time Minagi accidentally seduced you!” Morrigan shot back at Tamamo. 

PP raised his hand. “I think I speak for all of us here when I say, please tell us about that in as vivid detail as possible.” 

“Fufufu, maybe if I’m in a good mood,” Morrigan said as she once more took her batting stance. “And you!” Morrigan yelled at Pat as her eyes started to glow. “If you strike me out, I’m going to drain you until you look like a raisin. No ball of kitsunes will ‘ball’ you out this time!” 

“Morrigan, if you threaten the other team’s players again, I will ban you.” Sphinx threatened the succubus.

“Hey, it’s just a joke. I’m joking…” She then glared at Pat. “Right!” 

“Yup?” Pat fearfully nodded to her and prepared to sprint as fast as he could towards Tamamo for safety the moment he threw the ball. However, this time, as he threw the ball, a blue aura surrounded it, and it came to a stop right in front of Morrigan.

“Oh, come on!” Uber groaned in frustration, while Fujibakama simply facepalmed. “How is that fair?!”

“Fufufu, there we go,” Morrigan yelled as she swung her bat at the ball. Morrigan swore as the bat missed the ball. She glared at the ball before swinging and missing again. After an embarrassing amount of swings, leaving everyone, most of all Astaroth, facepalming, she finally hit the ball. 

Morrigan grinned and started to run to first base when the sharp shrill of Sphinx’s whistle brought her to a halt. 

“Morrigan is out!” 

“What!” Morrigan turned to Sphinx with a glare and stomped over to her. “I clearly hit the ball!” 

Sphinx stood her ground. “Don’t argue, you were clearly cheating. Now go and sit down with your team.” 

“Listen here!” Morrigan yelled as she poked hard on Sphinx’s collar with a finger.

“Oh dear, now that was definitely a mistake,” Fujibakama commented with an amused giggle, while Uber just sighed.

“And Morrigan is banned for touching the umpire!” Sphinx announced to the crowd. 

“But… But…” Morrigan stuttered before huffing and crossing her arms, and leaving. “This game is stupid.”

“So… We’re going to need a replacement for the rest of the game,” Alice said to Tamamo. 

“Oh, don’t worry, I figured this might happen… Astaroth!” Tamamo yelled to the red-headed succubus in the audience stands, who was currently trying to make herself hidden. “Get over here, you get to clean up after your sister again!” 

Astaroth signed before chugging down the rest of her drink. She then reluctantly got up and made her way to the monster team’s bench. It took one look from her to Morrigan to silence the blue-haired succubus. Morrigan sat beside her sister and placed her chin in her hands and braced her arms on her knees, giving her the appearance of a pouting child. 

“Fufufu, my turn!” Tamamo excitedly bounced over and grabbed the bat. “Don’t go easy on me, Pat. And Morrigan, pay close attention to my technique. I’ll make sure to get your stick and ball problem rectified so you don’t embarrass your mother or sisters any further.” 

“Please just stop!” Morrigan whined as Astaroth patted her on the back. 

“Don’t worry,” Alma teased as she wrapped an arm around Morrigan. “I’ll make sure to teach you the proper way a succubus is supposed to use their hands. As Queen Succubus, it’s my duty to ensure that my subordinates know how to properly handle balls and poles. After all, we can’t be lazy and have you just relying on Esper powers to do all the work for you.”

“We've been telling her for centuries, do you really think you will make a change?" Astaroth cut in, deciding to try and put a stop to the teasing.

Alma smiled innocently. “What do you mean by centuries? I was referring to this sport. What did you think I was talking about?” 

“Yeah, you are definitely one of Lilith’s descendants.” Astaroth quietly muttered.

Tamamo swung the bat, easily hitting the ball and sending it deep into midfield towards Jamie. The Irishman was slowly regaining consciousness again and tried to get his bearings. Hearing his team members shouting for him to catch the ball, he glanced up just in time for the ball to smoke him in the forehead, knocking him unconscious for the third time. 

“And he got hit again…” Uber muttered. “I’m starting to think it’s no longer just a coincidence.”

“Indeed,” Fujibakama nodded in agreement. “It seems as if the universe itself is conspiring against him.”

“Hah!” PP yelled from home plate. “Is Jamie getting karma for killing Gnome?” 

Meanwhile, rather than running to each base normally, Tamamo closed her tails around her to form a giant fluffy ball that rolled around the baseball diamond, letting out a giggle the whole time. 

“Legal,” Fujibakama told Uber before he could even speak up.

“I wasn’t even going to… Whatever,” the man sighed.

Next to bat was Rami. The young imp hesitantly picked up a bat, still unsure how she ended up on the team with the Monster Lord, several queens and other powerful monsters. 

As Pat prepared to pitch, Bloxy shouted out and pointed to the sky. “Hey, what's that?”

Everyone paused and looked where the Romanian was pointing. A faint orange light could be seen above the horizon and was quickly getting brighter. 

“I have no idea?” Ditmag answered.

Tamamo narrowed her eyes before letting out a laugh. “So that’s where that went.”

“It couldn’t be, could it?” Pat muttered in disbelief as the object got closer. “Guys! I think that’s Granberia’s ball!” 

“Wait, you telling me it orbited the entire fucking planet?” PP yelled out. 

“Looks like it,” Kaerdrom confirmed as the ball began to slow down from atmospheric friction. They all looked over to where it would land. The ball was flying straight for Panda. “Panda! Catch the ball!” 

Everyone joined in, shouting for Panda, who froze like a deer in the headlights at the fireball closing in on him. He winced and closed his eyes as he raised his glove up in front of his face. 

The impact of the incendiary ball hitting the glove knocked him off his feet, and he landed on his back with a thud . The stunned silence was broken when Panda started screaming in panic as his glove burst into flames. He quickly ripped the glove off and threw it onto the ground. 

“Granberia’s out!” Sphinx declared. 

“Wait, how does that work?” Alice asked. “She’s already scored. I’ve already scored because of her hit.”

After a moment of deliberation, Sphinx came to a decision. “Remove two points from the monster team. Monster Lord, return to second base.” 

“Making me rescore my point, I’ll remember this!” Alice groaned as she reentered the field and took her place beside Kaerdron at second base. 

Fujibakama and Uber exchanged thoughtful glances. “Do you think this is one of those legendary moments that will be remembered for years to come?” the man inquired.

“Very likely,” the courtesan nodded. “Though I believe the Monster Lord would not be quite as fond of it.”

With that settled, Rami took up her stance and tried to suppress her trembling. On the first toss, she managed to hit the ball; however, it went out of bounds, resulting in a foul ball. 

Morrigan hid her face in her hands. “Really? Even the imp is doing a better job than I did?” 

On the second throw, Rami closed her eyes and swung the bat desperately. The bat completely missed the ball. However, her massive breasts swatted away the ball with a comical boing. With the batter having been hit by the ball, Sphinx allowed the imp to walk to first base. 

“Pat! If you go easy on me, I’m going to have to punish you!” Yao yelled out as she stepped up to the batter’s box. 

“Like… Punishing in a good way or a bad way?” Pat hesitantly asked as he prepared to pitch. 

“That’s for you to find out.” Yao teased. “Are you going to risk it?” 

“Absolutely not,” Pat answered as he threw the ball. 

With a loud crack , the ball was sent into the field. Yao quickly got to first base but found herself stuck behind Rami, unable to pass her as she ran to second base. Seeing Drago picking up the ball, she was forced to turn around and run back to first base. 

Erubetie was next up and, as was becoming the norm for Team Monsters, except for Morrigan of course, had no issue hitting the ball. What did end up being an issue, however, was that both Yao and herself got stuck waiting behind Rami as she slowly ran to third base. 

“Keep running to home!” Alice yelled to the imp. 

“But I’m scared that I’ll go out! I’m already safe here!” Rami replied.

Alice sighed as she looked back over to the outfield. Both Bloxy and Drago had run to catch the ball, and both stopped, assuming the other would catch it, which resulted in the ball landing between them. They then both ran to grab it before stopping upon seeing the other move to pick it up. This continued until Thomas ran past both of them and grabbed the ball before throwing to Stormblaze, who was waiting on third base beside Rami. Even with Rami’s slow pace, they would have had plenty of time for all three to run past home plate. 

“I’ll be honest, I feel bad for the imp,” Uber admitted.

“We can at least agree that she tried her best,” Fujibakama commented.

“Don’t worry, Alice. I guarantee you we’ll get four points once I’m done.” Alma assured Alice as she stepped up next. “Now, Morrigan, make sure you observe my technique. See how I am handling the pole. You've got to get a good feel for it and rub your hands up and down its length. See where the weak points are and how to really draw out its full potential. When the ball comes into play, you have to be both firm and gentle with it. You can’t just whack it as hard as you can. That will ruin the mood.” 

“Shut it!” Morrigan said through gritted teeth. 

Alma’s boasts were not for show; she easily hit the ball, sending it past the outfield and scoring a home run. She then turned to Alice with a smirk. “I recall you saying Granberia is your only competent knight. Well… seeing as I have four points and she has none, maybe you should reassess that statement.” 

“Quiet, you flying obscenity!” Alice replied while crossing her arms. She turned to Alra Priestess, who was trying to sneak away. “Alright, you oversized weed. It’s your turn.”

“But whyyyy?” The alraune whined. “I don't even want to be here.”

Alice grabbed her by one of her vines and started dragging her to the field. “You’re not going to curl up in your flower, hide away, and spend all day chatting telepathically with your girlfriend.”

“...Wait, is telepathy the equivalent of social media here?” Uber muttered to himself in confusion.

“Miko☆Asu is my best friend, not my girlfriend!” Alra Priestess objected.

“Close enough. Now, get out there, hit a ball and have fun. That’s an order from your Monster Lord!” Alice said as she tossed Priestess forward. 

“I’m going to need some stomach medicine after this. That red-haired succubus looks like she is often stressed, maybe she has some of the good stuff,” Priestess muttered as she grabbed a baseball bat. “How hard can it be?”

“Strike one!” 

“Strike two!” 

“Strike three! You're out!” 

 “Oh no… I lost, I guess I can’t play anymore. Shucks. Too bad, I’m devastated. It sure would suck if the Monster Lord kicked me off the team,” Priestess said in an overly dramatic deadpan voice as she wanted back to the team bench. 

“Wow… I don’t think she was even bothering with those swings,” Uber commented, watching Alra Priestess depart back to the benches. Fujibakama could only sigh in utter disappointment.

As Priestess sat back down, she purposefully looked away from Alice. Only to freeze when she overheard the Monster Lord debating if ground-up Alraune could be used as a herb for cooking or if it was better suited for its aphrodisiac and euphoric properties

“I’ll try better next time, Alice!” Priestess waved her hands frantically. “Just don’t grind me up into a drug!” 

“Alright, last up is… What?!” Pat blurted out. 

Everyone stared in befuddlement as Mitsuko bounced along in her honey pot while making her way to the batter’s box. She had her arms lazily draped over the rim of the pot while behind her, thirty-six tentacles rose from the pot. Grasped tightly in each tentacle was a baseball bat

Tamamo glanced at her tails before looking back at the honey pot. “Hmmm, maybe I should do something similar…”

“Huh? Wait, is this even allowed?” Uber spoke up in confusion.

“Uber, why are you objecting? You two are lovers, aren’t you?” Fujibakama pointed out with a teasing grin.

“I just want the game to be fair to everyone,” The human muttered, reaching for the rulebook.

“In that case, what does the sacred rulebook say about wielding multiple bats?” Fujibakama inquired with a grin. Uber took a moment to skim through the pages…

“...Nothing?” He replied, scratching the back of his neck. “There’s no specific rule against having multiple bats at once.”

“Oh god, who told her about her normal attack build?” Kaer groaned as he facepalmed.

PP let out a crazed laugh. “She’s going to do it! The mad lass is going to do it!” 

“Fufufu, as I said, all I need is preptime.” The honey pot simply said. 

“Well, this game is at least turning out to be memorable, for better or worse,” Pat muttered before throwing the ball. 

What happened next should have been physically impossible. Mitsuko’s eyes narrowed and focused intently on the ball hurling toward her. Then, as one, all thirty-six baseball bats surged forward and hit the ball simultaneously. 

Everyone was knocked to the ground by an explosion of chaotic energy from the resultant strike. Mitsuko stood stunned as she gazed at the spot where the ball used to be. “Huh, didn’t think that would happen.”

“Where did the ball go?” PP asked, while looking around. 

“I… I think she just hit the ball into another dimension…” Tamamo muttered, completely and utterly shocked. 

Meanwhile, in another universe…

“Ha, It is over, Luka. You, the Monster Lord and your band of monsters had no chance of beating me. After all, I am now the Goddess of Light and Dark; nothing in the universe can stop me.” Ilias boasted to the defeated hero, who was sprawled out in front of her. 

Nearby lay the unconscious forms of the Heavenly Knights, Alice, and Micaela. None could stand before her. “Now, you can all watch as I first rape Luka. I’ll keep all of you alive so you can witness and weep in despair as I cleanse the world of all life and remake the world! But first, Luka, it is time for me to take what is mine—”

Ilias cut herself off upon feeling an explosion of energy nearby. “What!” She yelled out.  

She had no time to dodge as the inter-dimensional baseball collided with her, obliterating every fibre of her existence down to the quantum level. A heavy silence permeated throughout heaven as if the world itself was shocked by the surprise outcome. 

“Did… Did we win?” Luka gasped out as he slowly climbed to his feet. “What just happened?”

“I have no idea,” Alice replied. “But I think something just removed Ilias from existence.

“Does anyone know where it went?” Alma hesitantly asked.

Tamamo shrugged. “I’m sure it will be fine. I somehow am getting the feeling that it won’t be a problem for us.” 

“Uh…” I guess that counts as a home run?” Sphinx announced with a shrug. “Also, Mitsuko. I’m limiting you to one baseball bat for the remainder of the game. 

The honey pot silently nodded in agreement. She was scared and disturbed by what she had just achieved and had no desire to argue against Sphinx’s decision. “Yeah, I think that’s fair.”

“Should we add that to the book?” Uber called out to Sphinx.

“Sooo…” Pat turned to the rest of the team. “The score is what, three to eight? Not completely terrible.”

PP lightly slapped Pat on the back of the head. “And now you jinxed it. Good job, Pat.” 

Pat glanced over toward Team Monsters, who all had smug expressions on their faces. Everyone except Tamamo, who Pat could swear was looking at them with a disappointed look on her face. Like a teacher whose students had made a mistake. 

Seeing Pat looking over at her, Tamamo quickly adopted a teasing grin and stuck her tongue out at him before turning back to the rest of her team. “Huh, that was weird.” He quietly muttered to himself. 

The mood in the locker room was sour and demoralizing. As the game continued, the monsters built their lead to a ridiculous degree. While victory was not impossible, it was unlikely. The only surprise was Stormblaze, who got a home run every time he went to bat. 

“Can't we just get this over with?” Drago complained as he put his head in his hands. “We’re only halfway through the game. It’s not like we can win at this point.” 

“Mmghh… jush… wuhhh… ov’r… br’n’shh… skramb’ld…” Jamie slurred incoherently from his spot, lying on another bench. Somehow, at some point every inning, the Irishman took a baseball to the head, which at this point was looking more bruised than not. 

“Excellent point, Jamie, I agree,” Bloxy replied.

“Hey, let's try to have fun and look on the bright side. Sure, we are losing horrifically, but think of the sweaty sex that will surely happen afterwards!” PP said, trying to raise the team’s morale.

“Goddamnit PP,” Kaerdron muttered while rubbing his face. “I’d be the last to say I don’t want some, but I still have my pride.”

“Things might look bad, but I’m sure we can still turn this around,” Panda added, trying to help PP keep everyone’s spirits up. 

Thomas glanced over at the harpy lover. “Sorry, Panda, but this isn’t an anime. We don’t have a freaking chance.” 

“Anime… Chances… Oh my god, we are all fucking idiots!” Pat yelled out, causing everyone to glance over at him. He walked over and grabbed the clipboard from Kaerdron’s hand and waved it to the group. “Guys, we’ve been literally ignoring our greatest advantage. The writing power! Let’s change the laws of probability to give us all the chances we need.” 

Ditmag rubbed his temples. “We’re writers, how the hell did we forget about that?” 

Spectra raised her hand. “I didn’t forget about it.” Everyone turned to look at the doll sceptically. “What? Ark can’t use it. We figured you all were already writing stuff, so I didn’t bother saying anything. What else can explain Morrigan’s temper tantrum and Jamie getting constantly hit on the head?” 

“Uuhhh… sh’ I brin’ th’ goat… the potatoes are watchin’ me…” Jamie mumbled out. 

Kaerdron raised a finger. “Well, firstly, the Morrgian thing was just her being herself. It was bound to happen, I just didn’t think it would happen that fast. As for Jamie... I think he is just having shit luck. That or the world is out to get him.”

“I’ve been saying it this whole time. He’s suffering karma for killing Gnomey. The universe is punishing him for it. That and for killing the writing streak we had last summer… And also for killing the slime channel in the Discord,” PP asserted. 

“PP, are you ever going to forget about the slime channel?” Thomas asked

“Never!” PP and Lime yelled out simultaneously while shaking their fists. 

Ditmag started passing out pens to everyone. “Let’s forget about that for now. We have to be back on the field in ten minutes; we need to start writing.”

“Yeah, let’s sports anime the shit out of this game! You know…” Pat said while writing. “I feel like this is the reason Tamamo kept shooting us disappointed looks. She was probably hoping we would be using the writing power to even the odds.”

Thomas nodded. “Yeah, knowing her, she was probably hoping for us to think of new and clever ways of using it.” 

“How are things looking scorewise?” Pat asked Ditmag and Kaerdron as Alma skipped happily back to her bench after scoring a point. “I’ve lost track.” 

“If they score one more point, then it is over for us.” Kaerdron grimly said. “Not only do we have to make sure that they don’t score anymore this round, but all of us have to get a point when we are up to bat.” 

It was the top half of the final inning, and with the use of the writing power, Team Authors were able to slowly close the lead Alice’s team had over them. Everything from random gusts of wind to throw off Lucretia’s flying to Granberia tripping on her tail, every dirty trick the authors could think of was tried out. They had a chance of victory; however, it was still quite remote. 

 “Damn, thing’s are not looking too good, all the bases are loaded and Tamamo is up to bat.” Ditmag pointed out. “Well, let's see how this goes.”

“Bluhhh… th’ stars’re… mmf… upside-down pizza forgs” Jamie slurred out. 

While still heavily concussed, they were at least able to find a helmet strong enough to prevent him from suffering any more brain damage. Upon seeing the helmet, Tamamo had done a double-take and was heard asking quietly where they had found the Dark Goddess’s helmet.

“Sure thing, Jamie, sure thing,” Thomas told the Irishman. He then turned to the rest of the team. “Hey guys, how are we going to get Jamie to score? He’s not really in a condition to be standing, let alone batting and running.”

“Dit thought up a plan… A dumb plan, but it’s probably our best chance.” Pat reassured Thomas. “I just hope it works.” 

Sphinx’s whistle put an end to the timeout, and the group broke their huddle and quickly returned to their positions. 

“Huh? Ah, yeah, it’s time to resume the game!” Uber exclaimed, quickly finishing his glass of juice and getting back into the commentator’s seat where Fujibakama patiently awaited him.

“Let’s see what will happen next, shall we?” The courtesan commented with an excited smile.

As Ditmag mentioned, Tamamo was standing in the batter’s box, patiently waiting for the game to resume. On first base stood Erubetie, on second was Yao, and on third was Rami. 

“Keep an eye on Jamie,” Ditmag told the outfielders. “He hasn’t been hit in the head yet this inning, and I have a feeling it will happen soon.”

“Alright, I’ll stay close to him,” Thomas replied before turning back to Ditmag, and seeing him tuck a notepad back into his pocket.

Pat pitched the ball, and Tamamo had no issue swatting it away. As Ditmag predicted, it soared through the air straight toward Jamie, who stumbled around like a drunken zombie. 

“Jamie! Catch the ball!” Drago yelled, only able to watch as his teammate stared at the incoming ball with glazed-over eyes. 

With a loud bonk, the ball bounced off his head and high into the air once more. 

“Well, at least it was just the helmet,” Uber said quietly.

“Thomas! Catch it!” The team shouted to Thomas, who raised his hand as he backed up. 

Team Authors let out a cheer as the ball landed neatly into his glove. “Yes!” Thomas whooped in joy. Tamamo was out… His face fell at the realization of the consequences of his actions, and he felt his heart break upon seeing the pout Tamamo sent his way. “What have I done?” He cried as he fell to his knees.

“Oh come on now, why Tamamo?!” Fujibakama complained with a pout of her own. “That’s not fair…”

“Them’s the rules, I’m afraid,” Uber shrugged.

PP let out a cackle. “Ha! Looks like Thomas is getting punished tonight!” 

“Okay, we just have Alra Priestess, who won’t be a problem, and Mitsuko left to bat, and then this inning is done,” Pat observed while watching Tamamo return to the bench with a sulk. 

Still looking like she would rather be anywhere else, Alra Priestess reluctantly dragged herself out onto the field. “Let’s get this over with so I can go home. This sunlight is drying out my leaves.” 

“Isn’t the sun supposed to be good for plants?” PP, still at the catcher's spot in front of the umpire, asked. “That’s kinda your whole thing, isn’t it?” 

“Hey, I’m a princess, I’m very delicate and need a nice mix of humidity, temperature and can’t be in direct sun for too long. I can already feel myself barking up.” Priestess replied. 

“Well, you know, if you want to go home, you could just touch the umpire and get banned like Morrigan did,” PP suggested while ignoring Sphinx’s sigh of annoyance behind him.

Priestess dropped her bat and whipped around to PP. “You’re only telling me this now! At the very end of the game!” 

“Don’t try it,” Sphinx warned. 

Priestess ignored her and began poking Sphinx’s face with her fingers while grinning. “Oops, I keep touching you, I guess you have to ban me!” 

Sphinx closed her eyes in exasperation. “It’s not going to work.” 

“Oh no! I spilled some of my flower’s nectar onto your lion part’s fur coat!” Priestess dramatically said. “It will be a pain for you to clean it out. What a shame.”

“She really doesn’t want to be here, huh?” Uber muttered as he and Fujibakama watched Priestess’s antics.

“She really doesn’t,” The kitsune nodded with a sigh. “Alraunes…” 

“Youths these days.” The ancient groaned before grabbing Priestess by the cheeks and tugging on them hard. The Alraune let out a few whimpers of pain and quickly ceased struggling. “Listen up, you’re going to go to bat and enjoy yourself, or I will take you back to the desert with me after this game and leave you with the cactus girls. If you think the sun here is bad, wait till you experience Safina. Understood?”

Priestess nodded silently and rubbed her cheeks the moment Sphinx released them. She quietly returned to the batter’s box and picked up her baseball bat. 

“Hey, how come she doesn’t get banned like I did?” Morrigan complained loudly.

Sphinx glanced at the succubus. “Because making her play is a far greater punishment than simply banning her.” 

“You know… That’s actually fair.” Morrigan conceded and sat back down. 

To everyone’s surprise, most of all Priestess’s, she was able to hit the ball, sending it flying straight up. “I did it!”  She shouted while jumping up and down in joy, ignoring the screams of her teammates to run to first base.

Her smile vanished as Pat casually raised his hand up and caught the ball.

“You’re out!” 

Priestess raised her nose up and walked off the field. “Well, at least I actually tried this time.” 

Team Author watched with wariness as the last member of the monster team came up to bat. Mitsuko smirked as she walked to the batter’s plate. The Honeypot girl readied herself and, with ease, smashed the baseball bat into the ball, sending it beaming towards Pat.

Having no desire to end up like Jamie, Pat threw himself to the ground and felt the shockwave of its sonic boom as it flew over him. The few remaining threads holding his tattered team uniform together valiantly held and preserved his modesty, to several monsters’ disappointment. 

On second base, Kaerdron likewise chose self-preservation and dove to the ground as the ball tore through the air over him. 

“I got it!” Drago yelled while reaching out with his gloved hand. The ball impacted his hand with a sickening crack as the bones shattered into dust, and Drago fell to the ground with a groan of pain. The instrument of destruction deflected off his hand and landed deep into the outfield, where Bloxy ran for it. 

The remaining members of Team Author facepalmed in disappointment as Rami began to run for home plate with Yao, Erubetie and Mitsuko close behind her. It seemed like defeat was inevitable. 

To everyone’s surprise, Rami let out a cry as she tripped and stumbled before faceplanting onto the dirt a few feet away from home plate. Behind her, Yao, Erubetie and Mistusko, having too much momentum, ended up running right past her and unintentionally disqualifying themselves for breaking the rules. 

“You’re out! You’re out! You’re out!” Sphinx told the three monsters as they passed by her at home plate. 

By this point, Bloxy had grabbed the baseball and tossed it to Pat, who felt almost guilty as he walked up to Rami. The imp was still lying face down on the ground and whimpered as Pat tagged her with the baseball.

“You’re out!” 

Uber blinked as he witnessed all of this. “Alright… what in the world just happened?” he said.

“I have no idea either,” Fujibakama muttered. “For four monsters to be dropped out at once…?”

As Sphinx blew the whistle, the teams began to swap positions. Kaerdron glanced over at Ditmag. “Did… Did any of us write that happening? I sort of feel bad.” 

“I don’t think so.” The team captain replied. “Don’t worry, I’m sure Ark or one of his personas will ‘comfort’ her later. Now, I had better get to the batter box, Sphinx is getting impatient.” 

Ditmag had no issue hitting the ball and easily made it to second base, which was still guarded by Erubetie. The Slime Queen was starting to look even more bored than usual. Kaerdron took to the field next and knocked the ball into the field. As he ran for first base, a commotion began in the stands.

“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” A girl shouted.

“Pochi no!” Someone else yelled.

“Huh?... Wait, is that a dog girl?” Uber exclaimed in surprise.

Both Kaerdron and Ditmag froze in befuddlement as a dog girl ran onto the field, sprinting right towards the ball. 

“Ball! Ball! Fetch! Ball!” The dog girl screamed as she ran past a surprised Astaroth.

Yao, who was bending down to grab the ball, was caught completely flat-footed as the tiny dog girl shoulder-checked her out of the way, sending the kitsune tumbling to the ground. The dog girl then picked up the ball and began running for the edge of the field. On the sidelines, Nanabi burst out laughing before clutching her stomach and doubling over in an uncontrollable fit of giggles at the sight of her rival getting humbled. 

“Oh my… This is unprecedented, ufufu…” Fujibakama said as she tried to stifle her own giggles.

“Maybe Pochi should have been given her own ball to focus on, I dunno…” Uber muttered, scratching the back of his head.

Back on the field, Alice moved to block the dog girl’s escape. “Oh no, you don’t.” She shouted while reaching to grab the dog girl. 

“BALL!!!” Pochi yelled as she bent down and rammed into the Monster Lord, sending Alice flipping over her back and leaving her sprawled out on the ground. The final monster attempting to block her was Rami, who, much like the kitsune and Monster Lord before her, was easily knocked away, sending the small imp skyward. 

“I’m FLYING!?” The imp yelled as she soared through the air, desperately flapping her wings to try and maintain flight. A few seconds later, she plummeted back to the ground. 

“Did… did she just knock out several monsters all on her own, including the Monster Lord?!” Fujibakama asked in bewilderment.

“Never underestimate dogs when they are motivated by the ball,” Uber said sagely, before looking towards where the dog girl ran off. “Aaaand there she goes. With her trophy and all…”

After watching the dog girl disappear over the horizon with the ball, both Ditmag and Kaerdron looked at each other before shrugging and continuing their run to home plate, scoring Team Authors two points.

While Drago, now sporting an oversized cast in his left hand, walked out to bat, the rest of the team glanced at each other. “Soooo…” Panda asked. “Who wrote that one happening?” 

Pat shook his head. “Wasn’t me.” 

“Don’t look at me,” Thomas replied. 

“Fuck, I wish I had thought that one up,” PP added while Lime nodded in agreement.

“I’m worried about Drago.” Kaerdron cut in, changing the subject. “He’s been having a hard time this game, and that broken hand won’t help.” 

“Hmm…. Maybe…” Ditmag muttered before standing up. “Drago!” He shouted to the Brazilian, who glanced over at him. “Just imagine what your favourite anime character would do in this situation and make that a reality!” 

Drago looked to the side in contemplation before nodding back to Dit with a grin. Looking more confident, he walked over to the batter’s box and took up one of the one-handed sword stances Granberia had taught him. As Tamamo threw the ball, Drago’s eyes narrowed in determination. “Hero’s mighty bat cleave!” He shouted as he swung the bat and knocked the ball out past the fence, resulting in a home run. 

“I can’t believe that actually worked,” Ditmag mumbled as Drago walked triumphantly back to the bench. 

Continuing the streak of good luck, Thomas was successful in using his earth spirits to get another home run. Following after was Stormblaze, who scored yet another home run. He returned to the bench, still confused over whether he had always been good at baseball or if he was just having the greatest of lucky streaks. 

Up next to bat was Bloxy, who has been having the opposite problem as Stormblaze all game long. He had yet to hit the ball. 

“Strike one!” 

“Strike two!”

Things were not looking good; Team Author needed every member for the team to score in order to win. As they watched, Thomas’s eyes lit up as an idea came to his head. “Guys, I have an idea.” He quickly wrote a few sentences and showed them to the others, who nodded in agreement. 

“Bloxy!” Thomas shouted, catching his attention.

The authors all started gesturing for him to lower his bat slightly. 

“What?” Bloxy shouted, having no idea what his teammates were trying to tell him. 

Tamamo took the opportunity to throw the ball while Bloxy was distracted. However, while distracted, he had coincidentally lowered his baseball bat right into the path of the ball, resulting in the ball bouncing off the bat and to the ground. 

“Wait, was that a reference to Meet the Robinsons?” Uber said, confused.

Fujibakama glanced at him, even more confused. “A reference to what now?”

“RUN!” The team shouted as Bloxy watched the ball roll away from him in surprise. After a moment of hesitation, he started running and passed Tamamo as she scooped up the ball.

“Safe!” Sphinx shouted as Bloxy made it to first base just before Mitsuko caught it. 

“What is going on? Why is your team being so lucky now?” the courtesan questioned, staring at Dit with suspicion. Uber opted to remain silent on the matter.

“That was too close.” Pat sighed in relief before exchanging glances with Dit as PP herded the concussed Jamie to the batter’s box. The plan Ditmag came up with had many points where it could fail; fortunately, they had luck on their side.

“Ball one!” 

“Ball two!” 

“Ball three!”

Every time Tamamo threw the ball, a gust of wind would push it just far enough off course that it exited the strike zone. On top of that, Jamie just stood still with glazed-over eyes, not even able to muster up enough neurons to swing the bat. The kitsune glared at the ball before shrugging and throwing it for a final time.

“Ball four! Off to first base you go!” Sphinx declared before gesturing for Alma to walk the man over to first base.

“Here we go,” Pat mumbled as he walked out to the batter’s box. 

He hit the ball and immediately ran for first base while Jamie watched him with a blank expression. The monster team watched with surprise and interest as, without hesitation, Pat grabbed the back of Jamie’s shirt and half-carried, half-pushed him to second base. Once Jamie was safely delivered to the base, Pat immediately turned around and sprinted back to first base. Yao glanced down at the ball in her hand and realized that she was too busy watching the insane display to remember to throw the ball to Erubetie or Mitsuko. 

“Oh god! I have to do that two more times?” Pat gasped between tired, heavy breaths. “That fucking sucked!”

“Great job, Pat. You got this!” Panda yelled as he stepped up next. 

He swung the bat and let out a cheer as the ball flew skyward, looking like it would be a home run. His smile vanished as Lucretia flew to intercept it. 

“Sorry, honey,” Lucretia yelled to Panda as she closed in on the ball. “But it looks like this is it for your team.” 

As her talon was closing around the ball, her eyes widened in alarm as a goose flew by and struck her in the face. The midair collision caused her to fumble the catch, sending the ball falling straight down to the field below. The goose let out an annoyed honk and continued its flight path while Lucretia tumbled to the ground, only regaining control seconds before touching the ground. 

Uber and Fujibakama merely exchanged glances. By now, both of them had figured out what was happening, but they were so in awe of what was happening that they didn’t even bother pointing out what was going on.

Everyone watched in shock at the sight of a goose knocking the harpy queen out of the sky before remembering that the ball was still in play. 

“Shit!” Pat yelled as he shook himself and refocused on the game. 

He sprinted to second base, where Jamie was still waiting. As he got to second base, Pat bent over while grabbing Jamie and throwing him over his shoulder before carrying the brain-damaged man to third base. 

Glancing over, he saw that Panda had made it to first base and that Astaroth had picked up the ball. He would not have time to carry Jamie all the way to home plate. “Panda!” He shouted. “Stay at first!” As he got to third base, Pat dumped Jamie onto the ground at Alra Priestess’s feet before turning around and running back to second base. 

He groaned in annoyance as Astaroth threw the ball to Erubetie, who was guarding second base. Moments before Pat touched the base, the Slime Queen reached a hand out for the ball. 

The ball hit the slime’s jelly hand with enough momentum that it passed right through the hand and started travelling up through Erubetie’s arm toward her torso. Getting caught off guard by a non-organic object entering her, the slime reacted on instinct and dissolved the ball before it could pose a hazard to her. 

“Safe!” Sphinx yelled to Team Author’s relief.

“Damit Erubetie!” Alice yelled at her subordinate. “You’re supposed to catch it, not dissolve it!” 

“Oops.” The slime quietly whispered. 

“That was too close,” Pat said as he breathed heavily, starting to feel the lactic acid burn his muscles.  

“You know…” Yao muttered to Astaroth. “Why didn’t any of us think of carrying Rami like that earlier in the game?” 

“Because none of us… None of us would be insane enough to even conceive of the idea… Okay, maybe Morrigan would be.” The red-haired succubus replied to her teammate. 

“Here I go!” Spectra yelled as she ran up to the batter’s box. The small persona of Ark summoned her ethereal hands and clasped them to the baseball bat, causing the bat to float in the air above as if it were being held up by an emerald ghost. 

Spectra managed to hit the ball, sending it into the outfield, where Rami started to run for it. As Panda and Spectra ran for their bases, Pat once more sprinted to Jamie. As he did last time, Pat threw Jamie over his shoulder and continued running for home plate. 

Just moments before reaching it, Pat’s tired legs stumbled, and he felt himself beginning to fall forward. With the last bit of strength he had, Pat managed to throw Jamie over the home plate. Jamie’s face skidded along the ground as his body slid along the dirt, coming to a stop at Alma and Sphinx’s feet. A few seconds later, Pat stumbled past home plate and collapsed onto the ground. 

“Safe!” Sphinx announced.

Pat lay on the ground, exhausted, with his eyes closed. “Alright, I’m just going to nap now.” 

“Okay, yep, this is definitely getting written down,” Uber noted.

“Indeed,” Fujibakama nodded, sipping on tea that she had gotten seemingly out of nowhere.

“...You’re not upset that the Author team is gaining on the Monster team?” The man asked.

“At this point, I just want to see what else will happen now,” the courtesan replied with a small smile. “And let us be honest with each other: I’m personally enjoying it.”

“...Yeah, agreed,” Uber nodded, focusing his attention back on the field. “In any case, here we go, we’re nearing the end of the game.”

As Pat and Jamie were dragged off the field, the last remaining team member left to bat stepped up. “Damn, all the pressure’s on me now,” PP muttered as he glanced over at Panda on third base and Spectra on first. 

“What’s wrong, PeePee? Getting performance anxiety?” Alma cooed behind him. 

“I have you regretting those words when I blow your back out tonight!” He retorted while swinging the bat.

“Strike one!”

“Shit,” PP muttered, ignoring Alma’s giggles. 

“Don’t worry, PP, I promise I’ll be gentle with you and Lime tonight.” Alma teased as Tamamo threw the next ball.

“Strike two!” 

“Time out!” Dit called out as he ran over to PP and pulled him aside. 

“Listen, man, I know you’ve been struggling with this game, but me and Kaer had an idea,” Ditmag whispered to his teammate. “Play to your strengths and use those sex techniques you are proud of.” 

“Use my dick to hit the ball! Are you insane!” PP yelled.

“He’s already had his dick explode once, I won’t let it happen again!” Lime shouted as she popped out of his body.

Ditmag facepalmed. “No PP, don’t use your dick, use Lime to hold the bat at dick level and use one of those sex techniques Alice taught you.” 

“Ohhh, why didn’t you say that!” PP replied before walking back to the batter’s box. “You heard him, Lime. Let's show everyone the power of Roderick’s techniques.”

“Yeah!” Lime yelled out before re-entering his body. 

PP lowered the baseball bat to croch level as tendrils of slime emerged from his body and held it in place. He then smirked at Alma. “Watch closely, I’ll make sure I use this technique on you tonight.” 

Tamamo sighed as she readied herself to throw the ball. This was it, the final pitch of the game, and all three remaining members of Team Author had to make it over the home plate for them to win. 

“Well, at least it will be over after this.” She muttered before throwing the ball. 

PP’s eyes narrowed as the ball closed in, and once it got close, he unleashed one of Roderick’s secret sex techniques. “Rod’s mighty cock slap!” He yelled as he twisted his hips, swinging the bat towards the ball. With a crack , the baseball bat collided with the ball and sent it flying out of the field. 

“Goodness gracious, that’s a homerun!” Fujibakama exclaimed.

“What a way to win the game,” Uber muttered, shaking his head from the sheer ridiculousness that he had witnessed.

The courtesan continued undeterred. “And so, the winner of this first-ever baseball game is Team Authors!”

“YES!” PP shouted as he scored a home run and secured his team’s victory. “Hope you’re ready for tonight, Alma!” He taunted as Team Author ran onto the field and congratulated each other. 

Alice, with a pout on her face, slithered up beside Tamamo as they watched the humans celebrate. “You don’t look upset, Tamamo. Any reason why?” 

“I’m happy that they were able to think of clever ways to use the writing power. It should be a big help as the war with Ilias continues.” The kitsune replied to Alice.

The lamia crossed her arms. “Of course, you always have some sort of plot or use every opportunity to turn something into a learning experience.” 

Tamamo froze and slowly turned her head to Alice. “Wait… Wasn’t that your intent behind this whole thing?” She brought her hand up to her mouth and started giggling. “Don’t tell me you just wanted to try playing this sport?” 

“What! It looked fun in the movie.” Alice shrugged. “Still surprised that the authors didn’t put a golden retriever on their team. I feel like it would have saved them a lot of stress and made it an easier victory for them.”

The kitsune was clutching her belly as the giggles escalated to full-blown laughter. “Alice, you know those are kids' movies, right! It’s not normal for pet dogs to play sports!” 

“It’s not!?” Alice replied in shock before raising her nose up and looking away. “I mean… Yes, it was always my plan to test the author’s creativity in using their power.”

Suddenly, a beam of golden light shot down from the sky, causing the celebrations to stop. 

“Oh no…” Uber muttered in dreadful realization.

“Hold up!” A child’s voice shouted from the beam of light. “The competition isn’t over. The real championship game begins now!”

The light faded away, revealing Ilias, still sealed in her childlike form, standing smugly in a baseball uniform. Eden, in a similar uniform, stood behind Ilias.

“Ilias! What are you doing here!?” Alice yelled as every monster in the arena readied themselves for a fight. 

“Holy shit!” PP blurted out at the sight of Eden’s uniform struggling to contain her ‘assets’. “How the hell does Eden in just a simple baseball uniform look sexier than Alma?”

“Hey!” Alma protested with a pout. “Though I have to admit, I’m getting a bit wet at the thought of playing with her.”

Ilias placed her hands on her hips and gave Alice a smug smirk. “Why, we are here to challenge the humans who so humiliated monsterkind. Now, my heavenly team, present yourselves.” 

More beams of light descended as Ilias’s baseball team teleported in. Lined up behind her in uniforms of their own were Wormiel, Cupi, Victoria, Heaven’s Gate, Angel Soldier A, B and C, Waifugodsama and Micaela.

“Micaela? What are you doing here?” Tamamo shouted at the Seraph, who looked like she wanted to be anywhere else. 

“Ilias wouldn’t stop nagging me until I joined the team… It was very annoying.” The Seraph replied in a resigned tone. “She was crying all day for me to join, and then Eden started guilt-tripping me…” 

“Quiet, Micaela, you’ll make Ilias look bad.” Eden hissed at her sister. 

“She’s done a fine job of it on her own.” Micaela coldly replied.

“Enough chit chat!” Ilias declared before pointing at Team Author. “Now! Heroes who had bested the Monster Lord and her minions. Your true challenge begins now. Team Ilias vs Team Authors. Losers get raped by the victors!” 

The silence that loomed over the field might have been more intimidating, had Spectra— having suddenly perched on Pat’s head—not opened her mouth, addressing the goddess. “Bruh, if you want us to fuck you just say that.”

“You dare!” Ilias sputtered in fury. Behind Ilias, Micaela did her best to try and restrain Eden from immediately striking Spectra with her spear.

Pat let out a groan. “Dude, if you want to antagonize a literal smite-happy goddess, please don’t do it while you are sitting on my head! Especially when her number one fan girl is literally about to throw a spear at us... Oh fuck!” Pat then let out a yelp as he threw himself out of the path of Eden’s spear. 

“Weeee!” And of course, the doll, currently uncaring of the danger, cheered as the sudden movement caused her to fly off the man and through the air.

“Eden, relax,” Ilias, having recomposed herself, gently told her Seraph. “We can just add that to the list of sins that will be punished after we win this game.”

“As if they would lose to you.” Alice huffed. “I accept your challenge, Angels vs Authors. This will be a baseball match that will determine the fate of the world.”

“Hey! Don’t we get a say in this?” The team of authors protested. 

“Nope.” Ilias and Alice answered simultaneously. 

The authors all looked at each other and formed a huddle. “Right, so... Remember that backup plan we had in case we lost?” Ditmag asked the team. Seeing their nods, he continued. “Right… In three, two, one… EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!” 

With Ditmag’s yell, they broke the team huddle and sprinted away in every direction, trying to get away from the field as fast as possible. Some authors activated harpy feathers while others ran like their lives depended on it. Jamie, meanwhile, stood in place and looked at Ilias with a blank expression on his face. 

Ilias groaned for a moment before turning to Eden. “Eden, go collect them, please. We have a game to play.”

“Of course, Lady Ilias!” Eden happily replied as she took flight to chase after the authors currently fleeing into the sunset. 

Uber and Fujibakama just sat in front of the commentator’s table, trying to comprehend what had just happened. They exchanged glances.

“So… Do we also commentate this one?” Uber asked.

“I think yes, we should,” The kitsune replied. “My only hope is that Ilias won’t decide to add a commentator of her own…”