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It’s been a rough week. Visiting home sucks, especially if you’re a lesbian. Though it’s odd to call it “home”, when home has been relocated to where you live now, and now “home” is now just the town your parents still live. But that’s still home, unfortunately, and it still sucks to visit. I wish they got it. My mom is more or less just a homophobe. She says she doesn’t hate gay people, but she clearly thinks it’s a choice and that it’s better to be straight. She keeps trying to set me up with a guy. Dad is more accepting at least, but he’s clearly not hip to any of this, and asks confusing and antiquated questions about my “alternative lifestyle.” I don’t know how to explain that, no, I’m not the “man” in the relationship, and neither is Leah. That’s not even the worst stuff I put up with, though. I don’t even want to remember all the overt homophobia I heard from other people in town. I can’t be the only lesbian in town, but somehow every other person I encounter in my hometown has really strong opinions on what I’m doing in my personal life.
I’m happy to be home (I mean my real home, where I live nowadays) but that feeling lingers. You just feel sort of raw. You spend a week out of your own skin, halfway between yourself and whoever your parents expect you to be. I come back, but I still feel so out of place. Its so hard to focus at work. I barely got anything done today. Walking home I hope that I can feel little better; a good walk can clear your head, though its hard to get a good walk in when cars are speeding 45 in the opposite direction past you. I pull my hoodie tighter around me. I’m looking forward to getting home and hugging my girlfriend Leah and napping.
I notice this little path I’ve never noticed before. I’ve taken this route I don’t know how many times, but this had somehow eluded me. It stuck at almost perpendicular to the sidewalk. The pavement was a different hue, looking both older but much cleaner than the gray concrete. It occurs to me, after doing a little bit of mental orienteering, that this might be a shortcut to my apartment. As yet another SUV whizzes past me, I duck under a tree branch and follow the bricks into the brush.
I thought it would be a straight walk, but the path sort of winds, twisting and turning a bit left and right; I swear it seemed like it was doubling back at times, but it seemed to keep going forward. I figure this must be headed towards some park, because the plants are remarkably beautiful and seem pruned. And I feel vindicated in this suspicion as I encounter a clearing. It’s a wide open space, with grass up to my thighs, and the willow trees surrounding it make it look almost like a rotunda. And at the middle, with nothing else around it, not even a bench, is a well. I don’t even know the last time I’ve seen a well. But here it is.
I lean against the well and take a breath. I can’t tell if this a detour or a shortcut at this point, but the scenery has been nice enough, and it’s taken my mind off of all the awful things said to me this past week. But of course, recognizing that my mind was taken off it all means I have to remember it in the first place, and I feel another grip of frustration seize me. I can’t stand it sometimes. I just wish being a lesbian wasn’t this weird, unthinkable transgression. Why are so many people so shocked that someone could have a different sexuality or gender than them? Being queer is just another way of being a person. There’s no harm to anyone if I want to kiss who I want. On the ledge, resting neatly on a patch of moss, is a coin. I pick it up and turn it over in my hand. A quarter, 1995, my birth year.
I close my eyes. I remember (not by choice) another thing. Years ago, I remember seeing my old best friend with her mom. I had a crush on her in high school, of course, but I was past that. Still, I missed her. But I knew her family wasn’t the most accepting. When I talked to her, I felt so awkward and clumsy with my words. Everything felt so off. The conversation is over not long after it starts. I hope I misheard something, I hope I was imagining it or that someone else said it or something, but I swear I hear her say, “She’s weird,” as I walk away. Weird. That’s what they think. I don’t know what they want from me.
A coin, a well. When opportunity strikes…
“I wish being a lesbian was normal.”
I flip the coin into the well. A second later, there’s a dull, shallow splash from the dark.
I shrug. It’s cold. It’s time to get going.
---
I come out on a street near my place, though not the one I was expecting. I quickly reorient myself and walk over to my building. This is going to sound weird, but as I was going up the stairs, I really noticed the sensation of my tongue against my teeth, and the feeling of my back holding up the weight of my body. It was sort of messing with my head. I fumble with my keys and push the door open with my shoulder. It’s so much warmer inside. I slump my backpack against the wall and kick off my shoes. I lean against the wall of the foyer and just sigh. I’m home. Just take a deep breath. You’re going to get to cuddle with Leah soon enough.
As I walk in, the first thing I hear is what I can only really describe as a slapping. Slap, slap, slap, slap, echoing limply through the apartment. The second thing I hear is haggard breathing. More sounds creep in, louder as I walk down the hall, and the rising sound of… moaning? What? Oh my god, that’s Leah’s voice. Is she okay? My pace quickens slightly as I round the corner.
I don’t know what I was expecting. How could you ever know? But it wasn’t my girlfriend bouncing up and down naked. Her tits bounce up and down rhythmically, with her eyes closed as she moans erotically. It takes me a few seconds to process what I’m looking at. I stand motionless. Is she cheating on me!? After a moment, my jaw drops; I can’t even speak. How could she…?
I don’t even have time to fully process that thought before I look down a bit, down past those hips I’ve cradled so lovingly, and see her pussy, her lovely pussy I adore, wrapped around what I swear is the biggest cock I’ve ever seen.
I haven’t seen many cocks, mind you, not in person. But none of the trans girls, even the most well-endowed, I’d been with had anything approaching -- I don’t even know why I’m comparing them. The point is there’s a massive cock fucking her. And based on what I’m seeing it’s a man’s cock. My sweet lesbian girlfriend is inexplicably riding a man. I can’t quite see his face from this angle, but his body is jacked. He looks like a bodybuilder, like the stock image of what you think of when you hear the word “manly”.
“Oh fuck!” Leah cries as she bounces on his cock. She switches her tact and begins to rock her hips back and forth on him. I loved it when she did that on the strap-on, but now it just feels… “Yeah!” She grinds into him with impeccable rhythm as he grunts at the same tempo, thrusting his hips in time. She looks like she’s in ecstasy.
I try to say something. I try. I can’t. I’m still processing what I’m seeing. I try so hard. And all that ends up coming out after what felt like forever is just a pathetic little, “Ah… hi…”
Leah whips her head to me and opens her eyes wide. She shouts, “Elle! Oh my gosh!” Then her lips curl into a wide smile, that beautiful, gregarious smile. “You’re finally home! I didn’t - unf! - hear you come in.”
I stammer. “You… you… I… you… who…”
“Oh, sorry! This is… fuck… this is Derek.” She leans forward on him and begins bouncing up and down on him, her ass in perfect unison with his thrusts. “You haven’t met, I don’t think.”
The man doesn’t even look at me. “Sup.” His eyes are fixed squarely on my girlfriend’s tits.
“You… are… what…”
“Sorry, babe. You took a while so I figured I’d just get started without you. I think we’ll be - unf, oh my god - I think I’m gonna just cook something from the freezer tonight.”
I begin to take hesitant steps forward. “Leah… why are you.. And with him…”
She shoots me another glance, almost smirking. Her pace slows to an almost delicate movement. “I know he’s not your usual type. But look at him.” She strokes his chiseled abs. “You know I couldn’t resist.” She makes a sensuous moan as she throws her head back and buries her hand in her voluminous mane.
“But…” My brain is catching up to what’s going on. I’m accounting what’s going on. This is a lesbian household, with me, a lesbian, and my lesbian girlfriend. Leah, a lesbian, fucking this so-called Derek guy, who is a man. She said she didn’t like men. Didn’t she? “But he’s a man…”
“Oh, fuck… Yeah, he is…” She says that to me, but it’s also for him.
No, no. This can’t be happening. This does not compute. Trying to think about what I’m looking at and I just can’t make sense of it. I snap and stomp my foot. “He’s a man!”
Leah’s eyes snap open. She has that expression, the expression she has when I say something a little too self-deprecating. Fuck! Why is she looking at me like that?
“Ellie… what’s wrong?”
“This…! This!” I begin to walk away but trip over the coffee table like an idiot and land on my face.
“Oh my gosh! Babe!” Leah leaps off of Derek’s cock and immediately is trying to help me up. “Are you alright?” She checks me for bruises right away. She’s always so sweet. Why is she acting so sweet when she’s in the middle of breaking my fucking heart?
“Hey, you okay, kid?” Derek’s enormous hand is extended to help me stand up. I bat it away and rub my eyes.
“Give her a minute.”
I feel myself tearing up. “Get away…! I…” I scramble to my feet, mumble something, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say, but I storm away to the bathroom. But Leah is not far behind, and I feel her grab my hand. I refuse to let her slow me down, but she’s persistent, and that feeling in my back hasn’t gone away it seems. “What the fuck are you doing!?”
“I’m just trying to help!”
We get to the bathroom and I spin around. “No! I mean with him!”
“I mean…” She looks genuinely concerned and confused as she considers the question. She stops abruptly at the door, and I can’t but notice her breasts sway as she holts.. The sweat glistens off her deep brown skin at the edges of her areolae. Do they look… bigger? “...We’re fucking?”
Ouch. “You’re… I could see that…”
She puts her hand on my shoulder and speaks in hushed tone. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong!? You’re cheating on me, Leah! You’re fucking some guy!” I can smell the sweat and sex on her.
She tilted her head ever so slightly. “Cheating?”
“Yes! Cheating on me!”
“I guess I don’t really see it that way.”
“You don’t… what?”
“What makes this different from all the other times?”
I knock her hand off my shoulder. “All the other times!? How often have you been doing this!? You fucking… slut!”
“I don’t know what to say, Elle… You don’t ordinally act this way, and I’m still confused about why you’re so upset…”
Tears well up in my eyes. “Why I’m so upset!? Why wouldn’t this bother me? With a man, no less! A man! You told me you were a lesbian!”
“Right.”
“Ri-...? What?”
“I’m a lesbian.”
“But… but you’re fucking some guy…”
“Right.”
“Not in some queer way.”
“Not really.”
“Aren’t you a lesbian?”
She furrows her brow. “Huh?”
“How can you be a lesbian and fuck some- some guy?”
She lets out a nervous chuckle. “I… I don’t really know how to answer that, Ellie. This is pretty normal.” She rests her hand on her hips, which from this angle seem so wide and curvy. “This is just… this is like lesbianism 101. Are you telling me you’ve never fucked a guy?”
“I’m a lesbian! Do I look like I’ve fucked a guy?”
“I guess we never really talked about it, but I feel like it would have come up if you’d never had sex with a guy.” She cocked her hip to the side. “I always could have hooked you up with someone.”
I feel like I’m going crazy. I just laugh out of desperation. “This is insane. No. But… Fine. Fine! Fine. Fine!”
“Calm down, honey.”
“Fine. Fine. Fine.”
“Elle. Stop. I can tell you’re upset. I have no idea what’s going on. I know you’ve been stressed lately though.” I shake my head, but she puts her hand back on my shoulder. “Hey, I know. I love you, Ellie. I’m here for you. We can talk about anything, okay?”
“Whatever.”
“No, not whatever. We should talk.” I stare daggers and fold my arms defiantly. “Ellie, please…” I break eye contact and just stare at the ground. We stand in silence for a few seconds. Leah sighs. “Listen. I’m here for you. You’re clearly going through something, but you don’t seem to want to talk to me about it.” She pauses. “...I’m going to give you some space. Okay?” I give her silence. “I’m going to talk to you about this. I’m serious. I’m going to go finish up with Derek, okay? And you can feel free to join in if you feel better. But I’ll be in there and we can talk over dinner or in bed or whenever you feel ready. Okay?” I turn away from her. She sighs again, but she seems resigned.
I watch my girlfriend sashaying her ass as she heads back to the couch, to Derek, looking at her, to that man. I slam the door. I feel disgusted and sad and angry, but then I feel dizzy and land directly on my ass. My own physical experience catches up to me. I’m covered in sweat, my heart is beating out of my chest, and I’m hyperventilating.
But most of all…
I’m horny.
Fuck. What? I manage to stand up, my knees wobbling as I walk over to the sink and splash her face. I’m so sweaty and hot, and I throw my hoodie to the floor. I look in the mirror, and feel my face redden again as I hear my girlfriend moan in flirtatious delight in the next room. I try to ignore the burning feeling in my loins. Why? And why does this feel so familiar?
I think about what I saw in the living room. And then I think about how I felt. It took so long for me to even process it. It felt like looking at one of those optical illusions. I couldn’t make myself see what I was seeing. But when I turned the corner, it took so long before I actually started getting upset. Before it all computed. Before I made sense of it, it felt… normal.
Normal? What the fuck? How could that be normal? My lesbian girlfriend was fucking a man! She never said she was a bisexual lesbian, or a had any fantasies, or had any interest in men. Now she’s riding a man’s dick like she’s a pornstar. How is that normal?
Normal. Normal for a lesbian? I think about what I said at the well. I wished it was normal to be a lesbian. What if…? No, that doesn’t make any sense. Wishing wells don’t work, for one. And why would you interpret a wish that way? Why would… why would it take a wish that being lesbian was normal, and make lesbianism match what everyone else thinks is normal? That can’t be it, right? Surely it’s something else. Surely this is a dream. Surely I hit my head on a branch and am having some hallucination, right?
I whip out my phone. I type in “lesbian” to the search bar. The first time I did this, I don’t know how many years ago, it was to find out more about myself. This time, it’s to find out more about reality. I click an encyclopedia link. I close my eyes, breathe, and try to ignore the feeling of my tongue against my teeth.
“A lesbian is a woman who engages in romantic relationships with other women. This practice is sometimes called lesbianism. They are also referred to as gay or homosexual women.” Okay, so far so good. “However, unlike homosexual men, a lesbian will typically engage in heterosexual relations.” Okay, wait, what? “Most lesbians continue to engage in this heterosexual behavior even when in committed homosexual relationships. The term ‘lesbian’ came to prominence in the 20th century with the movement towards…”
Okay, no, I don’t want to read anymore of this crap. I scroll around. The gallery is full of pictures of famous lesbians, lesbians at protests for gay rights, and… pictures of two pregnant lesbians…?
I throw my phone at the mirror. No. No! This doesn’t make any sense! This must be some kind of dream! And so is this feeling, this feeling of heat between my legs. I look down and see that I’m rubbing the crotch of my jeans. I push against it and feel my knees buckle. Wait, no! Fuck! Why do I feel so needy? That must be part of the dream, too. But it’s not going away. It’s only increasing. It’s just because Leah’s so hot. She’s so beautiful, she’s got such a great figure, and she really knows how to throw it back. I’ve always loved using the strap-on with her for that reason. So obviously I would find it hot to see her riding anything, even if she was riding a big, strong man. Even if she was taking a man’s big, fat cock instead of the strap-on. Yeah. That’s normal, right?
Normal… The worst part is, when she said she didn’t see it as cheating… I knew exactly what she meant. When I saw her fucking someone, I thought she was cheating, but when I saw it was a man… for a split second, some part of me said, “Oh, I guess it isn’t cheating.” Fuck, the way she moved her hips on him like she needed it in her was so fucking hot. So visceral, that look of primal ecstasy on her face…
Oh god, I’m so wet. No, this isn’t right. I’m gay! But my jeans feels so tight and weird against my pussy. I pull off my pants quickly and, dammit, my underwear is soaked. I’m afraid to take it off. Out of habit I press my hand over my pussy and fuck, I want to touch it so bad. But I can’t! I shouldn’t! This is all wrong. This isn’t normal, no matter what some website says.
I hear a masculine moan through the door. “Fuck yeah, girl.” Derek. That bastard. How dare he! It is cheating, dammit! How dare he put that dick in her… I would run out there and beat him if I was strong enough, but I could never take him. He was well over a foot taller than me. His biceps alone looked bigger than my face, and his thighs looked like they could crush a watermelon. Though somehow his cock still looked huge despite his size. Not to mention he had that chiseled six pack and those massive pecs to rest on. His chest hair was so thick at the top. I wonder what it smelled like. He could probably lift me off the ground with one hand…
I hear another moan, but this time its out of my own mouth. Fuck. Why is that so hot? It’s too warm in here. I rip my shirt off and slap my face a few times. Get it together, Ellie. Splash my face again. I look down and… are my boobs bigger? That can’t be true. Am I losing my mind? Why would they be bigger? I reach to weigh with my hand and instantly find my self squeezing it. I cover my mouth to suppress another moan. Well, I can’t really tell if they’re bigger, but that definitely felt more sensitive than normal. I feel lightheaded and sink to the floor again.
I hear Derek moan again and the hair on my neck stands up. I feel my animal instincts engage in go-mode, but I don’t know towards what. I take a deep breath and slowly, slowly, slowly, creep open the door and peek through.
Leah is on her knees, her beautiful hair still down, giving a fervent blowjob to Derek and his cock. I’ve seen her suck on dildos before, but this was something else. At the same time, it felt oddly familiar. I’d seen her go down on me, of course, but this was obviously completely different. A completely different artform. Where did she learn to do this? Had she always known and I was just oblivious? The way she used her tongue showed a dedication to the craft. The craft? The craft of making him cum. The craft of pleasing a man. A man.
Fuck. A man. His cock. It’s so intense to think about. I inch closer. Oh wow, she’s really going at it. And his cock really is massive, her hands cant even wrap around it, and even both her hands stacked can’t match the length… it’s kind of magnificent. How was she taking that inside her? It’s so enormous. There’s no way she was really taking that whole thing in any part of her, right?
Just as I have that thought, Leah immediately proves me wrong. She pushes her whole head down onto his cock and takes the whole length. All the way down the balls. Those big, swollen balls. It’s an admirable sight, all said. His hand grips the back of her head as she looks up at him. I feel a pang of envy, but I don’t know for who. How can I not know for who? She pulls back up, still looking deep in his eyes, a satisfying pop as she pulls it out of her mouth, her lips dripping and precum dribbling down her chin.
I notice now that my fingers are toying with my lips. Just as I notice, I feel myself push them in a bit, my tongue eagerly circling them. This feels way too familiar, like this is a little ritual I’ve done before. I pull them away with a fright. No way. I’m not a cocksucker. Even if I am rubbing through my underwear as I watch this. Wait, dammit! I close both my fists angrily and try to resist this intoxicating feeling. This isn’t real…
Suddenly, they switch places. Derek starts going down on her, and it’s clear pretty quickly that he’s doing a good job. Maybe not as good as me, I’m something of an expert, but she starts moaning and gripping his head. I can’t get enough of seeing Leah in pleasure. She arches her back and makes that open-mouth, eyes-closed face that I love, where the pleasure is so intense she can’t even moan. Eventually that moan explodes out of her as a gutteral groan of delight. I have to remind myself that it should be me between my girlfriend’s thighs right now. But that seems far from her mind right now.
She pushes him back a bit. “I need that dick in me, big boy.” Ugh. That sounded like pornstar talk. Why did she have to say it like that? Why did it make me squirm? And why did I feel empathy with that sentiment?
As they both stand up and reposition, I lose sight of them. Shit. I should just look away, even if this nagging feeling won’t go away. I feel horny and strange and empty and… Ugh! I hear the slapping sound again and Leah moaning in pleasure. I creak the door open even more I see Leah facing directly towards me, bent over doggy-style as Derek rams into her. Look at him go. How does he do it that fast, hard, long? He grips her wide hips with those enormous hands, he’s fucking her like a machine. His grunts are so deep and animalistic. It creaks open, and I finally get to Leah’s face. Her mouth is open wide, moaning, and almost instantly she makes eye contact with me. She moans louder. Fuck, I love that noise. She glances down a bit and I see that mischevious grin of hers form.
“Oh, sweetie, I know you like to watch.”
Leah’s eyes are so loving, and that grin melts again into pleasure. Her eyes roll up in the back of her head. God, I love that face. I can’t help but agree with her this time. It seems I do like to watch. I look down and my fingers are once again in my mouth and my hand is pushing down my waistband. My tits have spilled out of my bra and my nipples are pointing out. I know I should stop. But this time I can’t. It’s like trying not to scratch an itch. I suck my fingers deep, tongue swirling around them. My underwear slips to the ground. And my fingertip feels electric on my clit. I’m so fucking needy. He spanks her ass and she yelps. I buck my hips and moan. They both look at me. They heard that, didn’t they? This is mortifying for me, but they’re just blissfully ignorant of how everything is fucking falling apart for me. This isn’t fair. But she looks so happy. He looks so powerful. She looks so beautiful. He looks so big. He looks so strong. He looks so handsome. He looks… fuck. Did I just slip a finger inside myself? I never do that. But it feels so right. I need it inside me. I need something inside me. I need… I need…
I need him inside me.
No! That can’t be right. I’m a lesbian. And I only like girls. I don’t like men! I don’t want to touch a man’s cock, let alone feel it inside me. I know for a fact that lesbians like me don’t like men or their cocks, even if this weird, distorted reality thinks its normal. But I find myself falling and leaning against the wall as I finger myself. Leah giggles as she see me rub myself desperately.
“You’re so sweet, Ellie. Come closer.”
I oblige, almost unable to resist. “S-Stop…” But it’s useless. I should be beating his ass! I should be furious! I should be disgusted! This asshole is cucking me! But all I can do is crawl towards them. Even feeling my legs move like this sends shivers up my spine as my thighs squeeze my pussy ever so slightly. This is mortifying, but I just look up at my girlfriend. She’s so pretty. And she looks so happy. And look at Derek go, totally focused on Leah’s perfect ass, her breeding hips. He’s such a king, look at those abs, the sweat dripping down his square jaw and… no! Ignore it! Look at Leah! She nods and leans a bit forward to me. “Come here, babe…” Leah beckons me. I lunge forward and kiss her deeply. She’s my love, my one and only, and I open my eyes just a bit and see Derek towering over us. He suddenly looks in my eyes.
I nearly came then and there.
I push myself away, falling on to my back, my pussy facing Leah and Derek. It’s so embarassing that I can barely move. I feel so exposed, so embarrassed and so… empty. Like something is supposed to be there. Somehow I knew what it was supposed to feel like, and I knew that something was missing. I hate that I know what I’m craving. I should want anything else, but I can’t ignore my body crying out for Derek’s huge cock. A man’s cock. A man. Fuck! Not a strap-on, not a tongue or fingers, but a man’s cock, a thick, hot cock that can fill me up with white hot cum and obliterate my lesbian pussy. I can’t look away from him. He’s so manly. That has never been a compliment in my mind, but it’s the only way I can describe it, and it’s harder and harder for me to see it as a bad thing right now.
The worst part is, when he looked at me, for that split second, I knew that look. I knew it. I had never seen it in my life, but I knew exactly what it meant and how my body was supposed to react. It meant he wanted me, too. And fuck, it felt good. He wanted me. He wanted me, a lesbian. I was wanted by a man. My pussy clenches my fingers at that thought. “Anh!” I cover my mouth with both hands, and am now acutely aware of the scent of my fluids. Can they smell it, too? Leah giggles again, but I just see Derek smirking, not with any malice, but with a faint charm. He alternated between admiring my girlfriend’s ass and looking at me, and looking at my… tits? Fuck. I forgot they were out. Instinctively, I try to cover them, but I just end up squeezing it and pinch the nipple, moaning loudly again. It was like an automatic response. What the fuck is wrong with me? I know he saw that, and that just makes it worse.
I am rapidly losing control of the situation.
The process of standing up in this moment is a puzzle I don’t have the mental bandwidth to solve. I lie on my back, pathetically staring up at these two as they rail each other. They move to a kneeling posture and I pull myself up closer, not even realizing I’m doing it. I watch Derek’s fat, juicy balls slap against Leah’s ass, over and over, mesmerized, and then he squeezes her tits.
I’ve admired my girlfriend’s breasts I don’t know how many times. It’s a lesbian’s favorite pastime. Both in a sexual and non-sexual way. Cupping them, kissing them, washing them in the shower. But now, seeing Derek grope her tits, is the first time I ever recall feeling envy of them. I see their flesh being squeezed firmly, how it jiggles and shakes, molded by this possessive gesture, and I want it. Not to touch them, but to feel held in that specific way. To feel a man’s hands wrapped around my tits. It’s not fair! I rethink that thought. Is it not fair because I want it, or not fair because I shouldn’t want it?
I don’t have much time to mull that over before Leah. pulls me closer and kisses me again. I moan, try desperately to convince myself to resist, and fail miserable as I melt in her arms. She grabs my ass and squeezes me close, and for the first time I feel acutely aware of how small her hands are. As if they aren’t big enough to handle all my curves. I can’t possibly believe that, right? I hear myself say “More…”
The cue was heard, I guess, as I feel myself pulled up on to the couch, underneath Leah. Her hand wraps around my throat (I didn’t know she liked choking…) and the other presses into my pussy. The constant slapping sound echoes in my brain, and I swear I can feel his balls hitting me, too. But I can’t bear to look. I just look deep into Leah’s eyes and try not to cum immediately. But it’s hard (I didn’t know I liked choking, either…) and I keep feeling myself getting close to the edge. I whimper and try to beg, but no words come out. I feel the climax coming close…
But abruptly, she rolls off me. I gasp for air. And then there’s Derek. Towering over me. His cock at full attention. Hovering over me. Oh god. It’s… beyond words.
“Come on, sweetie” she says, “why don’t you give Derek some attention?”
I really, really hope she doesn’t mean what I think she means, but my suspicions are almost immediately verified. She pulls me up, face to face with his member. I mumble, “I-I don’t suck men’s cocks…” The scent alone could make you faint. It’s a thick, sweaty musk, mingled with Leah’s juices. It’s like the scent of pure arousal buffeting me in the face. She strokes his cock with a delicate lovingness.
“Awww. Go on.”
I try to avert my face, but I just keep staring it. It’s so big. Then Leah, she plays a trick. She lets go of his cock. It begins to fall towards me. I’m left with no choice but to either grab it or let it slap me in the face. Out of instinct I grab it before I suffer the indignity of being dickslapped, and oh god, it’s heavy too. And so warm. Dildos are cold tools, but this thing was like an organism, breathing and full of life. I could feel the faint throb of blood through the shaft. It’s hard to deny that this thing is kind of incredible. “Woah...”
“Woah is right.” Leah guides my hand up and down the shaft. I feel the rigid texture of each inch of his cock with each stroke. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Before I know it, I’m stroking it without any guidance. She begins fondling his balls, and like an idiot I copy her. His balls feel so different than the shaft, and I can’t stop playing with them like they’re a fidget toy.
Oh no. Leah pushes my head towards his cock. Oh no. I’m so fucking wet. At first my mouth just presses into his crotch without any direction, but my tongue lolls out and flicks against the shaft. She moves me back and forth before pulling me away and then - oh no - redirecting the cock straight at me. It’s staring straight at me. I have to confront it. This is the time to run away. “I s-said I’m a lesbian!”
She pushes me forward and the head slips in my mouth. Already my mouth feels too full to fit anymore, but then she pushes me more. The head presses into the back of my throat, and the tip of my tongue can feel the veins on his shaft. It tastes salty and the scent is still dizzying. She squeezes my tits. No fucking fair. “There you go, Ellie. There’s my little cock sucking girlfriend.” I moan. Should I feel complimented by that? And then I ask, if she’s groping my tits, how is she pushing my head? I look up. Derek’s hand is cradling my head. His eyes pierce my gaze. I want to scream but I just moan again. I can’t look away. His cock hardens even more as we lock eyes. This has to stop! But the movement doesn’t stop, and I can’t help but suck as he fucks my face. “You’re doing such a good job, honey.” After a few minutes he pulls my face - agonizingly slowly - off of him. Precum dribbles down my chin. Why does it have to taste so good? I lick my lips, and hear them both laugh. I can’t help it! How else was I supposed to get it off?
I try to stand up to walk away, but my movement is misinterpreted, and they both “help” me onto my back underneath Derek. I look up at him, this hirsute goliath with a monster cock. I’ve never seen a man that is so utterly, unbelievable masculine. He just exudes the concept of manliness by simply existing. “B-but… you’re a man…” He rests his cock on me, laying it over my clit and labia. It comes up to my belly button. It’s so heavy. There’s no way this could ever fit. Leah holds down my shoulders and Derek gropes my tits. He adjusts my hips and locks eyes with me. I finally manage to look away, but I’m burning up and can only stammer, “I’m not… I-I don’t… I…”
And then he says, “You’re so cute.”
Fuck. Fuck. I need him.
Before I can deny that thought, I feel it. The head slowly passing through my lips, feeling myself wrap around it. I almost climax from that alone. It’s so thick, but rather than feeling like it’s tearing me apart, it feels like I’m being filled. So full. He’s so big. And I want to resent that but I can’t. I feel so full and I feel so complete. His cock pushes so deep into me I can’t believe it. It presses into my G-spot. He clearly knows what he’s doing because he uses his thumb to rest on my clit. It’s driving me wild. I feel his balls finally touch me, he’s all the way inside me. And as he begins to pull out, I instantly feel that emptiness, that need for him to push it back in. I try desperately to resist it, I try to just pull away, but I push back, and so does he. He’s being so gentle with me. I feel so fragile in his hands, now wrapped around my hips too. My hips feel so important now, like a primal element of my being, a fundamental aspect of my identity. A symbol of fertility. I want him to desire my hips, see them as fit for breeding, see my tits as worth groping, see my ass as worth spanking. I look back at him. I need to say no. I don’t know what to say but I can’t keep doing this. I muster, “Please…”
And he says, “Good girl.”
I cum.
---
Every time I try to think, the feelings assault me and I can’t control my mind. In the throes of ecstasy, my sexual instincts take over as I try to pull him deeper into me. I spasm and moan and wrap my arms around him. But he’s nowhere near done. Instead, now he’s pushed my legs over my head. Was I always this flexible? But I feel the difference. I feel tighter, and his cock feels… I hate to admit it, but even better. My noises feel pornographic at this point, but I can’t control my voice. I normally sound more reserved and smooth, but I’m starting to squeal. I feel so pathetic, like a stereotype. And I hate how that thought makes my heart flutter. Meanwhile, his moans as he thrusts are so deep and guttural, I can feel the bass rattling in my chest, resonating throughout my whole body.
It occurs to me that I haven’t even thought about Leah in a few minutes. Fear grips me. My love, my darling, how could I forget you? Where are you? I look back, and am happy to see that Leah is enjoying the show and rubbing herself to us. “I love seeing you like this, Ellie,” she says. Well, at least she’s having fun. No, wait, surely I should be more upset about that. But more than anything I feel a faint pride, as if I’ve done a good job. I cum yet again, with that pride masking the shame I feel in equal proportion.
Next thing I know, Derek has lifted me up in the air, bouncing me up and down on his cock. I feel small and weightless. He’s so huge in almost every way. My legs wrap around him, which I wish I could say is for stability, but I think is mostly because I want him inside me so badly. He pulls me close, I feel my breasts against his hairy chest. His lips travel up my neck. I’ve never thought of myself as delicate, but it’s so overwhelming. The way he handles me like a doll. He’s so strong, and I’m so delicate, and it just makes me want to scream. And I do. I scream and moan. He kisses me on the lips, and I cum again. Leah snickers and pets my hair. Augh, I can’t stop cumming! “Look at you, kissing a boy.” It sends shivers up my spine. My eyes roll back in my head and I feel so pathetic. This time, I think he’s close, too, based on his moans.
But not quite. He’s got another position to put me in. I’m much more cooperative now. It’s not that I’m trying to fuck him, I promise. I’m not trying to get his big dick in me. I just don’t have the wherewithal to resist anymore. I just have to let it happen. It feels so fucking good to let it happen. “You like that?” As he fucks me in doggy style I realize we’re in the same position as Leah and he were. And Leah is there, moaning, rubbing. She lies down in front of me and I delight in diving into her. I love eating her out and this is no exception. She tastes so different from Derek but almost as good. I mean, just as good. I mean, better. Fuck. He spanks my ass and I yelp. It’s such a possessive strike. I want to know if he likes my ass, but then he gives me the answer. “You’ve got such a sexy little butt.” Unf. Leah assents. I feel both sexy and ashamed. He does it again, and again, and each time it gets me dangerously close to cumming again. It makes me feel so owned. But not nearly as much as when he grips my hips on both sides and ruts into me like a wild animal. That drove me wild. A part of me just wanted to cum, but another part of me was just as desperate for him to cum in me, unleash his seed inside my womb.
“Hold on.” Derek is a man of few words, but what he says mid-coitus tends to get the job done. I brace myself and he lifts me. In one swift motion, Derek suddenly flips me around in the air and lands on his back. I’m disoriented but then I catch up. Oh god. We’re in cowgirl position. I’m straddled over him, my dripping sex hovering over his massive cock. And then, nothing. He just looks at me. Our breath is heavy. I’m covered in thick sweat. They both just stare at me. I know what they want. But what do I want? It’s my choice. Stay calm, Elle. You can stop. You don’t have to do this. You can walk away right now. You’re a lesbian. This isn’t what lesbians do. But I can’t read myself away from him. Why can’t I stop myself? Why can’t I control myself? How the hell am I going to get out of this? What am I going to do?
As if to answer, Leah whispers, “Just let go.”
I sink back down onto his cock and groan in ecstasy. “Fuck yesss.” I feel so full. I’m on top but I’m totally at the whim of a primal, basal drive that I cannot control at all. I take all of my reservations, all of my fears, all of my thoughts, and push them as far away as I can. I give in to the most basic animal impulses I know. Fuck. Need. Cock. Breed. “Fuck me! Fuck me harder!” My hips gyrate back and forth on his cock. I can’t believe how this feels. “You like that?” He groans in approval. That felt so good. I’m desirable to a man. He likes my tits. He likes my ass. He likes my pussy. And that makes me so fucking wet. He’s so big. He’s so strong. He’s so hot. I want to fuck a man. I want to be his woman. Nothing about what is happening right now is gay. But I don’t ask questions this time. Whether I’m a lesbian or not is not a part of any of this right now. I feel no shame. I can’t even think. The feeling is too strong. I feel so fucking sexy. I ride him harder than I’ve ridden anything before, like a total bitch in heat. And I cum. We cum together. He grunts loudly, I feel him seize up, and I beg for it. “Cum in me! Cum inside me! Please! Yes!” His seed explodes into me and I hold onto him tight as I milk every last drop I can.
We sit in quiet, panting embrace for a few moments. There are no thoughts in my head, just the overwhelming afterglow of sex with a man. I feel his cock slide out of me, the cum dripping out of my pussy. Shame, pleasure, pride, they’re indistinguishable right now. I feel Leah slide up to me. She holds me softly, dampening the savage urge I’ve just released. And as I turn around to kiss her, I collapse into sleep in her arms.
---
I wake up on the couch, fully clothed and a little groggy. I scratch my head. “Babe?”
“Yeah?” Leah calls from the kitchen. She’s stirring something in a pot.
“How long have I been out?”
“Oh, since you got back. So an hour or two.”
I slowly remember everything. The well. The sex. The man. Fuck. But there’s not a single sign of any of it. My clothes are all exactly as they were at work. My hair just has a little bedhead. I’m not even sweaty. I stumble into the bathroom and check my face and eyes. No sign of concussion or crying or anything. Was it a dream? Another fucked up dream? I guess so.
I take a deep breath and I head back to the sofa. I flop onto it and try to relax. “Hey Leah?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatcha cooking?”
“Just something from the freezer. Just wanna get it done with, y’know.” I bury my hands in my pocket and notice something rolling around in there. Smooth, round, metallic. “By the way, I wanted to mention something…”
“What is it?”
I pull it out. A quarter. 1995.
“I invited my friend Derek over tonight.”