Archive of Our Own

All religions believe a child is the most sacred of them all. A child should be protected, raised with love, affection, he should be kept away from harm. From a young age, children learn the difference between right and wrong. Do something bad? You get punished. Do something good? You get rewarded.    

Naturally, with a system like that, all children would grow to understand what is right and what is wrong, what you should and shouldn't do. Society would be perfect, no crime would be committed, no law to break, no criminals in jail. An utopian community where children can walk the streets without fear, where dark alleyways would be just a shortcut home, where no human life would be taken away.  

But that is not the case.  

Humans covet. And that is the most dangerous emotion in the world. They covet what they don’t have, what they see everyday. Their greed is beyond rational, searching and taking by force what they want. What would you call a human who takes without a second thought? who ruins lifes, who tumble others for his goal? A human who would do the most inhuman and sinful acts known to man just because he can? 

Pure evil. 

Are all humans evil in their core? 

Yes. Give them enough money and power, and every sane man would turn insane while crushing others like ants. 

Evil manifests itself in all shapes and forms, but, how would you know something is truly evil? How would you know something is rotten from its core? Right or wrong? Rules. When you break a rule, you commit a crime. The more demanding the rule, the worse the punishment of the crime you committed. 

What is the nature of rules? 

Rules were meant to keep civilizations united under the same beliefs. They were meant as a guideline, a simple sentence written far in the past on some piece of paper dictating what is right and what is wrong. They are absolute, far above the government, the rich, and the poor. 

What happens if you break a rule? 

There are consequences. No matter your status, you will be punished according to the rule you broke. The lower the rule, the easier the punishment. The higher the rule, the harder the punishment. Rules are important, they keep everyone on the same page, they scare the rogue from breaking them, and reward those who follow them. 

Unfortunately, the world is endless shades of gray, and nothing is black and white. 

Not all who commit crimes, end up answering to the law. Treason, secrets, lies, money, power, intimidation – All tilt the scale of justice to the eye of the beholder. What is it called when a society doesn’t follow its own rules, and use them when convenient? Human nature. 

Humans are the most dangerous animal in nature. You would think humans would improve, would climb higher, would push themself into the future, but instead humans just stand in place on top of those they have tumbled. Humans are worse than cockroaches. 

Human nature is never good in nature. If you place something valuable enough in front of a person – anyone would break the rules and do as they please with it. Greed, gluttony, pride, lust, envy, wrath, sloth. They seep through, corrupt the base of the human, drives them to act upon their deepest desires – no matter how inhuman and sinful they are. pure evil.

But, more than anything – rules were meant to shield the ones who have no power, the ones who need the protection. Yet for some twisted reason, the wealthy are the ones who use the rules for protection, manipulating them for their own good. 

What should a store owner do if his store was arsoned because some man with too much money wanted his property? Nothing. The man will pay hush-money to whoever and will eventually get the store. 

What should a politician’s wife do if her husband is not what his voters think he is? That he beats her unconscious almost every night as a stress-relief? Nothing. She will eventually die and her death will be covered up as suicide. 

What should two 10 year-old twins do as they were kidnapped from their house after witnessing the death of their parents? Nothing. Not one thing. Eventually, they will lose all hope, all shred of soul, and no one will come to save them. 

No rules were enforced, no authority came, no justice was served. Only pure evil – human nature. 

A child's innocence is important, his purity, his modesty. He glows in them, his virgin skin, joyful smile. God is the manifestation of innocence, of purity. How warm is a child’s touch? How carefree and happy, how full of love and embrace. All protected and kind. 

They took it all. 

No love, no warmth, no happiness. Their hands are as cold as ice, dirty, filthy, disgusting. Hands everywhere, leaving permanent marks, the ghost of them will forever linger on the skin. 

They say every child is a child of God – but God never came. 

Not God, not the police, not the authority. 

Eyes everywhere, staring, judging. They had no regret, no remorse. The sound of their laugh is like nails on iron, deafening, loud. What did he do wrong? Why were they punished? He always did as he was told, always followed the rules set by the adults – and now those same adults are punishing him for… what? The hands are still there, they never leave. 

It’s hard to breathe, hard to swallow. With every breath the bones ache, his knees hurt. Why? They are looking again, touching again, laughing again. There is no end, there is no salvation. 

It’s dark. 

Where is everyone? Where did they go? There’s nothing ahead, almost like a black hole swallowing everything. He’s scared, so scared. There’s no sound, no air, no light – It’s suffocating. The hands are on him again. He can’t see, can’t hear, can’t speak. No prayer to God helped, no cry for help made a difference. 

Stop. Those damn hands are on his legs, opening them, hurting him. It hurts so much… He wants to close his legs, he wants to run away, he wants to leave – but he can’t. It hurts everywhere, and it doesn’t stop. 

There are no more tears, no more prayers, no more hope. He is nothing but an empty broken shell that will never be whole again. Hands again. Eyes again. His knees hurt, again. What now? Nothing… There is nothing. Every light he had – since long been dead, and with the last ray of hope now gone bleeding on the altar, what more does he have to live for? 

Why? There is no answer. His despair was endless, a black hole that will never close. He felt weak. Useless. What more did God want from him? Did he not sacrifice enough? He gave everything that he had, his own blood and flash, his purity, his innocence. Yet, still, no one came to save him. 

No one but him.  

“My lord.”  

Ah. What a beautiful sound. It’s warm, welcoming. Even in darkness his black figure stands out, sharp fangs cutting through the air like butter, enveloping everything in its path with nothingness. It is not human for it condemns all humans, yet, it reached for him, offering its hand. 

He can’t trust anyone, can’t believe anything. He was robbed of his humanity, of his dignity. teeth marks, bruises, fingerprints – they will fade, but will forever leave a permanent mark on the soul. Filthy, dirty. He wanted revenge, sudden anger filled his lungs, wanting to kill them all, make them suffer for what they did. 

But, it will never erase what was done… 

They penetrated his soul, his innocence, his virginity. They defiled him, took what wasn’t theirs. They took, and took and took and took. God was never his savior, no. No one was his savior. He was all alone… 

No. Someone did save him… Someone took him out of the cage, someone killed them all… Who? A name, there was a name. He wasn’t human – he killed all the humans. He came when Ciel called, he always comes when Ciel calls. 

His name… What was his name?  

“My lord, look at me.” 

Oh it’s hard to breathe, his throat is closing, those fucking hands are on him again, they are touching, taking, marking, dirtying. Stop. Why won’t it stop? Call him, Ciel needs to call him - that way it’ll stop. 

“My lord, breathe.” 

A name. One name. S… Se… It hurts… Everything hurts, inside and out. He wants them out, they violated him, they keep violating him. Call him – he needs to call him. His name… Seb… Sebast…

“Sebastian!!” 

Ciel opened his eyes to meet red ones glowing from above him, so familiar with their reassuring presence. He was gasping for air, clinging to the man above him like a life-line. Sebastian didn’t move, letting Ciel have his space to come back into reality. 

Fuck… it happaned again…

“Sebastian… I can’t.” His vision blurred as tears started to fall, hiding his face from humiliation and defeat. “I’m sorry…” He said between gasps, feeling frustrated from himself, feeling self-loathing for his past and how it keeps haunting him in the present. 

“My lord, look at me.” Sebastian’s voice was calm, soft. long fingers wrapping around Ciel’s wrists yet not pulling them away. He waited until Ciel moved them on his own, sky-blue eyes now mimicking a thunderstorm. “This is not your fault. We can try another time.” He gave his bright smile, going down to kiss Ciel’s forehead. 

‘We can try another time’ Ciel hated that sentence. It was always ‘try another time’ but when the time comes, it never goes through. Sebastian probably hates him, he’s probably tired of waiting for something Ciel can’t give him. Ciel cried harder, suddenly overwhelmed with the idea that Sebastian would grow tired of him and go search for what he was missing in someone else. 

Sebastian put his shirt back on, going to dress Ciel with his own, but Ciel stayed on the bed, back facing Sebastian as he cried into the pillow. He was damaged goods, a broken product. Who would want him? A hand on his side made him flinch, jumping away while almost kicking Sebastian in the face. 

“I’m sorry!” Ciel held his knees closer to himself to act as a shield, hugging them tight. “I didn’t mean to!” Fuck he was messing everything up. Why can’t he be normal?

Sebastian climbed on the bed next to him, buttoning his own shirt. “No, it is my fault for touching you so suddenly. Can I touch you my lord?” His voice is like honey, every word captivating Ciel’s ears. 

It has been a few months since they first started deepening their connection. It was Sebastian who came to him, right before he was about to go to bed, kneeling before him with his demonic features Ciel came to find comfort in. ‘My lord,’ He began. ‘I have met countless humans, been alive for eons. Yet, not one of them has captured my curiosity. Humans are nothing but food to me, they are my play-things I use to pass the time. But you,’ Sebastian’s eyes glowed as he said the next words. ‘You are special. I want to keep playing with you for as long as possible. I want you all to myself. Not only your soul, but everything about you. I want you to be mine.’ 

At first, Ciel was confused. Wasn't that what they did all along? He agreed without a second thought, thinking nothing will change because in his mind – what Sebastian said was nothing new. But he was wrong.

Everything changed. 

Sebastian was… different. He still did his duties, but more. He took care of everything Ciel needed, being there as support, keeping him on his feet when it was hard, always saying encouraging words. Sebastian started to test the water, holding Ciel longer than needed, leaning closer than before, his touch became part of their everyday routine. It felt nice, Ciel started to seek it, would feel down when Sebastian was away, would lean into the embrace. Ciel felt… overwhelmed.  

Never in his life did he feel so… loved. That feeling was so foreign to him, it was making him dizzy, making him feel suspicious. Did Sebastian want something from him? Something he kept to himself? Sebastian wasn’t allowed to lie, but it wasn’t lying if he just didn’t say it out loud. Sebastian was the only creature in this world Ciel trusted, but this change in behavior was making Ciel feel uneasy.

No one is nice without wanting something in return. 

But this behavior kept going, and Sebastian didn’t ask anything in return, so, Ciel asked him. ‘What do you get by doing this? Why go through all this effort?’ And in return, Sebastian just laughed and didn’t say anything at all. 

So, Ciel let it continue, but with high alert. 

It was on a random Tuesday that Ciel finally understood everything. Sebastian was bathing him as he always does, soaping his hair. Ciel leaned into the feeling, eyes closed. He came to feel comfort in Sebastian’s touch, would enjoy it even. No one touched him as Sebastian did, and it was a whole new world to him. 

He felt a pair of eyes on him, opening his eyes to look up and find Sebastian staring at him. They stayed like that for a minute or two, Sebastian’s hand slowly stopping in his hair. ‘My lord,’ He broke the silence, his voice barely above a whisper. ‘May I?’ He asked, but Ciel didn’t know what he was asking for. He nodded regardlessly, curious to see what he would do. Sebastian smiled, going down to plant a chaste kiss on Ciel’s lips. 

It was quick, barely there, but it happened. It was the only place who stayed virgin up until now. Ciel was okay with that – that Sebastian was the one who took that virginity away. He was the only one that actually asked, who was gentle, who did it out of want and not greed. Ciel couldn’t stop the tears, everything crashing down on him, everything he was trying so hard to bury and forget. 

Why was he robbed of his own body? His body wasn’t his own, his soul wasn’t his own, his name wasn’t his own. Why would Sebastian want something that is broken and ruined? It’s a question Ciel still can’t answer till this day. 

After that, Sebastian kept asking, and Ciel kept agreeing. A kiss in the morning when he wakes up, a kiss after meetings, a kiss after his shower, a kiss before he falls asleep. It became part of the routine, seeping into their day to day duties. It became so normal that Ciel found himself waking up and immediately leaning into Sebastian to kiss him himself. 

“Yes, you may touch me.” Ciel said, his voice small. Sebastian went closer, bringing the shirt over Ciel’s head. As soon as his head was in, Sebastian went down to kiss the top of his head. He lingered there, burying his nose in Ciel’s hair. 

“It’s not your fault.” He said, moving back when the shirt was fully on. His eyes showed rage, holding Ciel’s face with so much gentleness it didn’t fit the emotion in his eyes. “It’s their fault. And I will slaughter every one of them. I will make them pay for every little thing they did. Their souls will never know peace and will forever burn in the depths of hell.”

Ciel melted into Sebastian’s palms, his chest suddenly filled with warmth. It happened a lot lately, and at first Ciel thought something was wrong with him, but the longer it happened Ciel realized it only happened when he was around Sebastian. He still didn’t decide if it was good or bad, but for now he let it be. 

He looked up through his lashes, not feeling the need to say anything in return. Sebastian brought him closer, hugging him. Ciel let him do as he pleased, little fingers pulling at Sebastian’s shirt to try and bring him closer. It was quite strange… He hated when others touched him, but when it was Sebastian – he yearned for it. 

“We can stop for today, we can continue tomorrow.” Sebastian’s voice vibrated where Ciel had his head buried in his chest, taking in Sebastian’s words. 

Sebastian’s touch wasn’t anything new, Sebastian would bath him, dress him, clean him. He saw him naked so many times. But when they are in this situation – It’s different. It reminds him of everything that happened, it brought him back in the cage. Sebastian calls it ‘exposure therapy’, but Ciel never heard about it. Sebastian told him that by doing the very thing that he is so damaged from, it’ll help put him together. 

Ciel was doubtful at first, scared even. Too many times he was pushed back into his chains behind bars, feeling helpless and useless. But Sebastian explained everything to him, went over everything that they can do and how it’ll help. He enjoyed listening to his voice, how he made sure Ciel was following, going over what might feel bad or good. 

After that conversation, Sebastian gave him time to think it over – only that Ciel never brought it up again and hoped it’ll die down. He was too scared to go back, to do those same things which were forced upon him.

That is until they encountered one of the cult members – and Ciel went into a spiral that seemed to never end. For a week after they killed him he didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t even let Sebastian go into his room. He felt cheap, sick to his stomach as memories of that month wouldn’t stop flooding his mind. 

On the seventh day, Sebastian came barging into Ciel’s room, scolding him, bringing up the exposure therapy again. It might have been Ciel’s scattered mind, it might have been seeing Sebastian who he found comfort in after a week long – but he agreed. 

That night Sebastian sat in front of him, holding his hands, slim fingers went up and down his arms, pampering them with kisses. He replaced rotten mouths with feather light kisses, he replaced rough and demanding hands with soft and giving touches. 

Ciel was mesmerized, watching Sebastian give to him, taking his time to cover every part of his arms with his lips and touch. It made Ciel feel funny, made him feel warm. Was this supposed to feel good? He never met a touch that was warm, never felt this cared for and safe. He couldn’t stop the tears, getting so overwhelmed but it felt good.  

He was forced to show vulnerability, but now Sebastian was asking him to show it, was showing him it isn’t always by force.  

“No,” He said loud and clear, moving back a bit to look into Sebastian’s eyes. “I want to keep going. If it's with you, I want to do it.” 

Sebastian smiled, pushing his bangs away from his face. “Are you sure? You had a big relapse today, maybe you should rest and we’ll pick it up tomorrow.” Ciel pouted, holding back tears as his brain started to think again. 

“But what about you?” 

Sebastian raised his eyebrow. “What about me?”

“You’re still aroused, if you don’t cum you’ll go somewhere else to find release and then you won’t want to keep doing this with me.” Ciel spoke fast, almost not wanting Sebastian to understand. 

“Why would I wanna do that?” He asked sincerely confused. “I've already told you you are the only human I’m interested in, the others are like insects that I don’t pay attention to.” 

“But!” Ciel was frustrated with everything. “I can’t give you what you want so you will go out to find it somewhere else and then you will see that there are other humans who are more interesting and you will want to–” 

“Wow wait my lord, where is this all coming from?” Sebastian held his shoulders to stop him. “Why would I want to find another human? I've already told you, I only want you.” He studied Ciel’s face, taking a deep breath. “Would it make you feel more at ease if I came? I can make myself cum you don’t have to do anything.” 

“No,” Ciel was determined. “I wanna help you cum.” Sebastian opened his mouth to protest but Ciel kept going. “I know it’s not ideal after my sitback, but I truly want to help you. Please Sebastian… We can even do something you see fit to the situation, as long as it means I can help. I don’t mind what it is.” 

Sebastian sighed, fingers holding Ciel’s chin to tilt his head up. “If I see even the tiniest of a panic from your end I’m stopping it. Understood?” Ciel nodded fast. “And I know it’s hard, but you need to use your voice. I want to know how you feel, I want to do what feels good to you.” 

Ciel’s cheeks became warm, understanding what Sebastian said but still finding it hard to do as he asked. Throughout that month, he never had a choice. The choice was made for him – no one asked him how he felt. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Okay.” 

“Good.” Sebastian smiled. “Do you prefer to lay down or for me to lay down?” 

Ciel thought about his question, debating what would be easier for him. “Can we start with me laying down and then move to you laying down?” That way if it’s hard he can just change to be on top. There was something very addicting in letting Sebastian take the lead, but it was also very hard to do so and fully let go when they practiced their therapy. 

“Of course, my lord. Will you lay down for me?” He asked as he always did, not moving forward without Ciel’s consent. Ciel placed his head on the pillow, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. He watched Sebastian move around the bed until he was facing Ciel. “Remember, it’s just me and you here. No one else.”

Ciel nodded, jumping as an instinct when Sebastian placed his palms on top of his knees. Sebastian waited until Ciel nodded again, and with that he slowly opened his legs. “You know,” Sebastian started talking, trying to move Ciel’s focus from his hands to his voice. “Your skin is always so soft… Whoever’s washing you is doing a good job.” 

Ciel laughed, half a mind on the hands sliding down his thighs and half a mind on Sebastian’s voice. He loved Sebastian’s voice… so familiar and comforting, so soft and gentle. He loved how he talked about day to day stuff, how he talked about his choirs, how he eased Ciel’s body into pleasure. Sebastian’s voice made his skin warm, made his heart beat a little faster. 

“Can I?” He asked, and only after Ciel agreed did Sebastian go between his thighs, bringing Ciel’s legs behind him so he could hook his ankles behind Sebastian’s back. “You’re doing good.” He whispered, lowering his body until his crotch made contact with Ciel’s. “So good…” 

Ciel gasped, looking between them where their bodies connected. He loved watching, loved to see what Sebastian was doing. He didn’t have that privilege in the past, with his eyes covered foreign hands and dirty parts were placed on him, in him. It was torture. “Tell me?” He asked, looking up at Sebastian.  

“Of course.” Sebastian held his hips, resting his forehead on Ciel’s. “Can you feel it? How firm and hard it feels in my pants?” Ciel nodded. “This is my body reacting to you. You make me feel good my lord, you make me this hard.” 

Ciel was always fascinated by the human anatomy, he loved it when Sebastian explained how the body is working when it is aroused. Ciel immediately moved his hand between them to palm his cock through his pants, wanting to feel his own cock reacting to Sebastian. “I also feel hard. It means it feels good to me too right?” 

Sebastian chuckled, He took Ciel’s hand off him. “You tell me.” He lifted Ciel’s hips higher to press their cocks together, making Ciel gasp. “Did this feel good?” 

“Yeah…” Ciel breathed out, “Feels good.” 

“Good.” Sebastian kissed his forehead, lips traveling down his face to pamper it with kisses. Ciel’s body started to relax into the mattress, letting Sebastian ease him into the right mindset. 

He kissed right at the corner of Ciel’s mouth, lips hovering above Ciel’s lips a breath away from them. Sebastian pressed their cocks again, breathing in Ciel’s gasp. “May I?” He asked, inhaling sharply as Ciel’s hands threaded through his hair, pulling him down as a sign of agreement. 

Their lips connected, just pressed together at first, waiting until Ciel opened his mouth to let Sebastian in. Ciel loved Sebastian’s kisses, they were always so possessive, protective. Ciel felt tingling in his stomach whenever Sebastian kissed him, feeling like there was a safety blanket enveloping him. 

He opened his mouth enough to let his tongue out, licking Sebastian’s lips. In return, Sebastian let out his own tongue, sliding along Ciel’s as their saliva mixed. Kissing Sebastian always felt so intimate, so revealing. Ciel was so grateful it was Sebastian who was the first to kiss him. Sebastian’s mouth always felt so wet, so warm. Ciel licked inside it, exploring the area as if he never explored it before – and Sebastian let him.    

He loved when Sebastian let him do as he pleased, when he would stay still when Ciel tried to touch him, when Ciel studied him. It helped him so much, no rush or fear. Sebastian slowly rolled his hips in time with their kisses, swallowing Ciel’s gasps. 

“You’re doing amazing, I’m so proud of you my lord.” Sebastian whispered between them, lips kissing a trail to his ear. “I can feel you’re in the moment, does it feel good?” Ciel nodded, keeping his eyes open in fear that if he closed them, he'd see foreign masked faces instead of Sebastian. Yet, he wanted to try more, to take it a step further, feeling like he can take it.

“Sebastian,” He hugged him tight to keep Sebastian’s face away when he spoke next. “I want to feel your bare cock.” 

Sebastian stopped completely, trying to lift himself to look at Ciel but Ciel wouldn’t let him. He sighed as he gave up. “My lord, we’ve talked about it – one thing at a time. It’s too soon for you after what happened earlier.” 

“I know but –” 

“No buts. I don’t want you to overwhelm yourself.” 

Ciel frowned, letting go of Sebastian so he could look him in the eyes. “Don’t you trust me?” He asked with a tone that sounded hurt, almost childish. 

“My lord –” 

“No.” He knew it was a risk, he knew Sebastian was right, but he still wanted to try. It may also be the small part of him that was scared of making Sebastian tired of waiting. He was more scared of losing Sebastian to someone else than overwhelming himself. “I know I can handle it, please. Just… let’s try once…” 

Sebastian studied his face, his jaw clenched. It was hard reading his mind, hard to hold his gaze. Ciel tried to stand his ground, keeping his frown intact. Sebastian frowned as well, raising his brow, opening and closing his mouth – but eventually he sighed deeply in defeat. “Fine.” He agreed, “But! If I see any sign of distress from you I’m stopping this.” 

“Agreed.” Ciel agreed in a heartbeat, following Sebastian’s hand as it moved between them to his pants. He unbuttoned them, slowly lowering them to reveal his boxers. His slim fingers found the waistband of the boxers, sliding in to lower them as well. 

Ciel wanted to keep looking, wanted to see – but he noticed how his breathing was speeding up with every move of Sebastian, deciding it would be best to look away instead of falling over the edge and having this end before it even began. Instead, he looked up at Sebastian’s face, the familiarity of it helping Ciel with staying in the moment. He brought his little fingers to hold Sebastian’s cheek, needing this touch to calm himself. Sebastian looked back at him with a soft knowing smile, eyes asking if to keep going. 

Ciel gave him a little nod, taking a deep breath when he finally felt the heaviness of Sebastian’s bare cock on him, how wet and slick it was. He moved his hips experimentally to explore the shape, to fully feel it without touching it. He felt a spark in his chest when Sebastian groaned, feeling some unfamiliar yet welcoming sensation, wanting to feel it again. 

Sebastian’s cock was big, he could feel it through his pants. It was so alive, reacting to every move of Ciel. Ciel couldn’t stop his hips, slowly finding a rhythm, enjoying the little pants coming from above him. What an addictive reaction…  

It was Ciel’s turn to pant when Sebastian started to move as well, bracing himself above Ciel to move at the same time as Ciel. His cock slid just right against his, so reactive and pulsing. It was so warm, Ciel almost wanted to feel it fully against his naked skin, wanting to know how it would feel without the barrier. 

His eyes almost snapped down to look, but in a split second he realized and closed his eyes instead. Big mistake.  

As soon as he closed his eyes, Sebastian was replaced with a stranger. His hands all over his body, his breath hot and nasty on his skin, his voice deafening. Ciel whined, trying to open his eyes but he couldn’t. No… Sebastian would stop this if he loses it, he would stop everything and not let Ciel make a request again.

“My lord,” 

He could hear Sebastian in the back of his mind, but it was so vague. Those fucking hands held him down, they tried to open him, rip his clothes. They were so disgusting so filthy. Shit he needs to open his eyes. 

“My lord.” 

Remember, you're not there anymore, you’re out of the cage. Sebastian. Remember Sebastian. Remember his voice, his touch, his face, his body, his— 

“Ciel.” 

Ciel opened his eyes with an unexpected moan, pulling at Sebastian’s shirt with an unexplained need. “Again.” He choked out, that name alone wasn’t what helped ground him — it was the fact that it came from Sebastian that made it so captivating. He needed it, needed to be pulled back from the past into the moment.  

The hips above him snapped forward, shaking with desperation to move faster yet unable to. Ciel could feel Sebastian’s cock throb, could feel how damp the front of his pants were. He was suffering all because Ciel couldn't give him what he wanted. Ciel blinked away the tears threatening to appear, trying to bring his mind back into the pleasure. 

As if Sebastian could read his mind, he slowly dragged his cock against Ciel’s clothed one, holding his face firmly to keep Ciel’s eyes on him. “I don’t want anyone else. I only want you. I will wait for you, and I will make sure you will find yourself and your body again and will make them your own.” His eyes glowed red, nothing but honesty in them. “You’re the only creature on earth I will dedicate my life to, Ciel.” 

Now it was Ciel’s turn to snap his hips up, gasping deeply as his body felt on fire. He loved the heaviness of Sebastian’s cock on him, how big it was, how it covered his own cock completely. He thrusted his hips in a slow rhythm, enjoying how the heaviness of Sebastian’s cock brought him back, kept him in the moment. “Keep talking.” 

Sebastian breathed out a laugh, using all his strength to not pin Ciel down and rub himself faster. “You like my voice my lord?” He asked, melting above him with every lift of Ciel’s hips. His cock was screaming for release, begging for more – Ciel could feel it. “You like how I talk you through this?” 

“Yes.” Ciel admitted, his legs opening wider, thighs shaking. He wanted to open his pants, wanted to take out his own cock and fully feel Sebastian's length on him, pulsing against his skin, wetting his cock, covering it as it moved steadily all firm and hard and veiny and – “Tell me how you feel.” 

But he can’t. The second Sebastian’s cock will touch his he will lose it and drown in the past.  

“How do you think I feel?” Sebastian’s hands found his thighs, holding for dear life. “I feel so fucking good… I can feel your body trembling below me, your legs opening for me. I can feel your cock begging me to release it from your pants, begging me to touch it, stroke it. I can feel you throbbing, your moans, your whines – they drive me crazy. Every part of your body is begging me to fuck you.” 

Ciel snapped his hips with a choked moan, his hand going between them before his brain could even comprehend what was going on. But, instead of going to grab his own cock, he grabbed Sebastian’s. 

Sebastian froze. He looked at Ciel with his eyes big from both shock and yearning, not daring to move when Ciel wrapped his small fingers around his cock, barely closing around it. “M-My lord…” 

“Shut up.” Ciel kept his eyes on Sebastian, keeping his focus on those big red eyes. “Don’t talk about it, don’t mention it.” God those eyes… they were swallowing everything in their path, so expressive and human. How ironic… “I wanna try this, please just… stay still.” Ciel knew it was a risk, he knew the last time he touched Sebastian’s cock he was sent into a spiral that ended badly – but with every word Sebastian was saying Ciel couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t contain himself with his desperate need to try again. 

Sebastian’s cock was big. Ciel let his fingers explore, curling around the length, going through base to tip, curious fingers rubbing at the head to feel the precum leaking. Ciel wanted to memorise every vein, every part of skin. He wanted to memorise the shape, the heaviness, wanted to savor the stickiness in his palm, the oozing around his thumb whenever he rubbed the head. 

He stroked it with ease, brain completely shut down. He enjoyed the pulsing in the veins, index finger tracing each vein from start to finish. His own cock was aching in his pants, almost jealous of the treatment Sebastian’s cock was receiving. Ciel held Sebastian’s gaze the entire time, noticing how his eyes went from shock, to curiosity, to pleasure, to desperation. His eyes were half lidded, biting his bottom lip hard. 

“My lord,” His voice was strained, every muscle in his body tense. “I suggest you stop doing what you’re doing because if you keep going…” He kept the end of the sentence unsaid, not wanting to tip Ciel over the edge. 

For some reason, Ciel suddenly felt daring. He couldn’t explain it, his head was so focused on Sebastian and his reactions that he completely put aside his own thoughts. Instead of pulling away, he tightened his grip on Sebastian’s cock, so fascinated by the pained moan coming from above him. What a very captivating reaction, it almost made Ciel want to hear more. 

His eyes almost looked down when he felt Sebastian move his hips, using Ciel’s hand to relieve himself. “Just… Leave your hand in place my lord, please…”  

And Ciel did. He completely forgot about himself, about his own pleasure, only focused on Sebastian and how beautiful he looked lost in pleasure. It was so rare seeing Sebastian lose himself to human emotions, in fact Ciel could count on one hand the amount of times – And every time he lost himself he looked like the ravishing demon that he was. 

Ciel studies Sebastian’s face, how his messy hair was damp from sweat, how his eyes were barely focused, how his lips were glistening with spit, how his cheeks were dusted pink – He looked so human. “Kiss me.” Ciel ordered, his hand squeezing as a threat. 

And Sebastian did – all teeth and desperate, all wet and needy and breathtaking. “My lord,” Sebastian said into his mouth between kisses, his hips unsteady and shaky, getting closer to his climax. “Can I tou—”

“No.” Ciel kissed him harder, pulling him closer as if it was possible. “I don’t want to ruin this, I don’t want to risk us stopping.” Ciel started moving his hand at the same time with Sebastian’s thrusts, swallowing his gasps. “I wanna watch you cum, Sebastian.” He moved his hand faster to prove his point. 

“Are you sure?” Sebastian was on the edge, words barely coming out. “I want you to be the focus of this, I want you to feel good.” 

Ciel smiled, thinking back to the first time they ever tried this and how far he has come to be able to lay below Sebastian, holding his cock and not go into an immediate panic attack. It wasn’t to ‘feel good’ for Ciel, it was the fact that he came to trust Sebastian so much that he was able to do what he could only dream of doing. Sebastian was his savior in every aspect of the word. Ciel was able to find the one he could trust with his life, with his fears and past. 

“Sebastian,” Ciel whispered between them, all of a sudden the entire atmosphere changed. Sebastian looked at him, barely focused enough to say anything. “I feel good, more than good. I want you to cum, show me you trust me the same as I trust you.” He lifted himself to kiss Sebastian one more time, not missing the way Sebastian’s cock was throbbing with every word. “cum for me Sebastian.” 

And with that – Sebastian came, moaning Ciel’s name throughout his orgasm. He was so pretty, the way he unfolded in front of Ciel, showing him the vulnerability that Ciel showed him. He watched like a hawk, taking in every gasp of air, every breath of his name. He squeezed his hand to help Sebastian, moving it even faster as strings of white dirtied his shirt. 

Sebastian was shaking above him, forehead pressed to Ciel’s as he grabbed Ciel’s wrist to stop the movement. His eyes were closed, trying to catch his breath. Ciel kept his eyes on Sebastian’s face, too scared to look down and ruin everything that happened by overstimulating himself with the sight of cum on his shirt. Instead, he moved his clean hand up to Sebastian’s face, slicking back the wet strands of hair that stuck to his face. He kept his fingers threaded in his hair, noticing Sebastian’s breathing slowly getting even. 

He opened his eyes, the red in them gone as brown took over. Shame. He studied Ciel’s face, bringing the hand that was previously on his cock up to his lips, never breaking eye contact as he kissed each finger with so much care. “Are you okay?” Sebastian asked with carefulness. 

Ciel nodded, but now that everything slowly started to subside he was dangerously close to tipping into his past again. He took a deep breath, ignoring how his own erection was starting to bring back painful memories. “Can we… Can you… I…” Shit. He was really on the verge. 

“It’s okay, don’t speak. You did so good today, I’m really proud of you, Ciel.” He kissed his forehead, and with a very familiar swift motion, he picked him up. Ciel wrapped himself around Sebastian in an instant, hiding his face in the crock of his neck. “Do you want bubbles in the bath?” Ciel nodded. “And the toys?” Ciel nodded again. “Okay, and do you want me to go in with you?” Ciel nodded a third time. 

“Good,” Sebastian kissed his head, hand on his back rubbing it. “You did so good.”