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Vander still feels like he doesn't deserve to wake up next to Silco after all he's done to him, but he gets to wake up next to him every morning nonetheless and considers himself extremely fucking lucky for the privilege.
He can't ignore the pang of guilt in the pit of his stomach when he sees his injured eye, scarred, uncovered by makeup, and slightly open because of the nerve damage around it - but he's no less beautiful for it, Vander thinks.
He hasn't cut his hair since their reconciliation, and it falls loosely around his sleeping face, streaked with silver and shining in the hazy light of morning - Vander reaches out to brush his hair away from his cheek, but Silco stirs and Vander thinks better of it.
He definitely doesn't mind the chance to get to observe Silco at rest, the tension slack from his delicately sharp features, with the blankets pooled around his hips, exposing his pale, slender form to the warm summer air. Vander's gaze greedily travels over Silco's body, over slim wrists and elegant arms and the dip of his impossibly tiny waist that —
Well, hmm. Maybe not quite as impossibly tiny as it used to be, he realizes with a twist in the very core of him.
He has to do a double take, then a triple take, as if seeing him in a new light. At first he thinks it might be a trick of the light, a subtle smoothing out of the sharp angles he's always had, but it's not Vander's imagination or wishful thinking - Silco is, amazingly and finally, starting to fill out.
It's something Vander's never let himself dare think about - Silco has always been rail-thin, easily a third of Vander's size, and the shape of him hasn't changed in his memory from the whole time they've been together. But it looks like Vander's hearty cooking (and maybe Silco's middle-aged metabolism too) is finally starting to catch up with him.
Just a hint of softness wrapping around his midsection, barely noticeable except to someone like Vander who knows every inch of him, but oh, is it ever fucking exquisite. Where his belly used to be a plane of hard muscle, he's starting to lose definition, replaced by a layer of just a little bit extra, something he's never before had the luxury of having, and it makes Vander's stomach twist to know that he gave that to him, with his care, his love, his relentless cooking. His hip bones used to stick out sharply when he lay on his side, but now they're covered by a layer of something that Vander, reaching out to palm his hip, can only call plush, which he can scarcely believe is a word he's applying to Silco, of all people.
Vander feels like he's going insane. Has all this been here the whole time and in the comfort of familiarity, Vander just didn't notice until now? It definitely had been the same way for his own gradual weight gain over the years - he only notices when he outgrows his clothes, but he pays a lot more attention to Silco than he does to his own body.
More importantly, Vander doesn't know what to do. He definitely doesn't plan on feeding him any less, that's for sure - not when it's having such unexpected and delightful results. But Silco is going to notice eventually, and Vander isn't sure how he'll react, after 40-odd years of having essentially the same body (minus a couple of extraneous parts, marked only by the jagged half-moon scars on his chest).
He knows how Silco used to be vain about his appearance - covering his scar with foundation, making sure he wore the finest clothing he had access to in order to project the image of power he wanted to. But could that vanity have gone the way of the makeup that Silco no longer wears?
He's never even had the opportunity to have any extra weight on him, until now - Vander genuinely doesn't know how he'll react, and he doesn't exactly have much faith in his ability to be subtle about this now that he's had this realization.
Instead, Vander chooses to keep touching him, reveling in the new softness he finds at his sides, as Silco shifts and makes a pleased sound low in his throat. There's a give to him that wasn't there before, the bones and muscle no longer quite so close to the skin - it's fucking intoxicating, and Vander feels actually dizzy from how turned on he is, his cock swelling to full attention in a matter of seconds.
As if he can sense his erection in his sleep, Silco's good eye springs open and he casts his gaze on the evidence of Vander's arousal. "Good morning to you too," he purrs sleepily, bringing one elegant hand down to wrap around Vander's cock. Vander groans out loud and has to brace himself on the headboard of the bed - Silco has definitely been awake for longer than he's letting on, he was planning this.
"Just admiring you," Vander says honestly.
"I can tell," Silco observes, and Vander feels as called out as if he were to actually reference what he's been thinking about.
"You're gorgeous, what did I ever do to deserve you?" Vander says with a smile, leaning down to meet Silco's lips in a kiss.
"That's a very good question," Silco teases when they pull away, and Vander's hand flattens out over Silco's stomach - definitely softer, when did that happen?
As if Silco can sense his thoughts, he frowns a little. "Thinking about knocking me up?" he says wryly, and that's a thought Vander never lets himself have, because they've already raised children together. It feels like a betrayal of Viktor, Powder, Mylo, Claggor, and the memory of Vi to even think about having biological children with Silco, but now he's thinking about it, about Silco's body further rounding out with evidence of pregnancy, and Vander almost chokes on air.
Of either of the directions he can take this, he prefers the one that has less of a chance of resulting in a major life decision. "Only if you're into it," he says carefully, and Silco wrinkles his nose.
"I am not."
Vander kisses the tip of his nose. "I know, dove."
"You haven't moved your hand, I notice."
"Nope. I like it there." Vander breathes in, thinks about saying something, then doesn't.
Silco raises an eyebrow, because he knows Vander so well that he can tell when he's holding something back. "I'm not getting fat, am I?"
Vander actually chokes on air this time, feeling his cheeks grow hot. "No! Not at all - you look healthy."
Silco props himself up on one elbow and fixes Vander with a glare. "No one has ever said I look healthy in my entire life. Try again."
"I mean it - you're not getting fat, not by a long shot." Silco relaxes, but still looks a little suspicious. "but you are filling out, just a bit. And I like it - obviously." Vander gestures to his raging erection.
"I noticed it too," Silco says, poking at the softness below his navel so casually that Vander feels like he's losing his mind. "It's your cooking, you know. You've done this to me."
Vander feels his blush deepen, like he's been caught in the act, even though he hadn't been feeding him with this specific intent until now. Something possesses him in that moment - desperation to preserve (or, dare he hope, increase) the precious softness he's acquired under his care. "Don't you dare lose an ounce," Vander rumbles, his fingers pressing softly into Silco's side.
"Lose?" Silco wrinkles his nose again, and Vander's heart leaps. "Obviously not - I hate exercise, and I like your food too much to stop eating it."
That fills Vander with a sense of pride, and something deeper, something almost primal - he wants to take care of Silco, wants to see the evidence of that care on his body (a silent apology for the damage he did to him in the past). "And I'm not going to stop feeding you anytime soon."
"And my metabolism isn't getting any better." Silco stretches out and rolls over onto his back - his belly is still mostly concave, but with a slight curve below the navel that drives Vander to near-madness. "If it's going to happen anyway, I'm glad you like it.”
“You're awfully relaxed about this,” Vander comments, tracing circles around Silco’s navel.
Silco shrugs. “A few years ago, I wouldn't have been. But you've had a way of… domesticating me, I suppose.”
That turns Vander on even more, for some bizarre reason he doesn't have the brain power to unpack.
“Domesticated, huh?” Vander teases. “I like the sound of that.”
“Mmm. I'm sure you do.” Silco is going to be insufferable about this, isn't he. “Is that what you fantasize about? Fattening me up?”
Vander can't even defend himself, because it's all he's been thinking about for at least the past 20 minutes. “I mean, it will be now,” Vander chooses to say.
“You mean to tell me you weren't trying to fatten me up already?” He has to stop saying “fatten me up” or Vander’s dick is going to explode.
“N-no! I just… I like taking care of you. I like that you let me take care of you.” Vander cups that delicate soft curve below Silco’s navel, his hand spanning the entire width of him. “I just wasn't expecting it to show. It looks good on you.” That feels like an extreme understatement, but he hopes the roughness in his voice makes it very clear just how into this he is.
Silco smiles, a hint of a flush on his pale cheeks under Vander’s attention. “Then I'll keep letting you,” he purrs, trailing his fingertips over the back of Vander’s hand where it rests heavily on his stomach. “I think… I like it too. I've never been able to keep weight on.”
“No you haven't,” Vander agrees. “You were always so thin. Still are, too - you're just getting a little bit softer here.” Vander presses his fingertips gently into Silco’s abdomen, which makes him inhale shakily. “And here,” he comments as he slides his hand over to curl his fingers around the side of his waist.
“Don't forget here,” Silco teases, bringing Vander’s hand down to the subtle curve of his hip, and Vander wonders how long Silco has noticed this, how long he's not just accepted but embraced the changes that Vander failed to see until now.
Vander squeezes his hip, testing the give there. “So you noticed,” he says dumbly, and Silco gives him a look of fond exasperation.
“I'm surprised you didn't until now - it's been happening for a few months. My clothes all still fit, but I might need to size up soon if you keep feeding me like this,” Silco muses casually.
“I'm surprised you're okay with this. You've always been so—”
“What? Vain?” Silco sits up, and Vander tries not to look at how his stomach is soft enough now that it forms the tiniest little roll at his waist, just barely enough to notice but oh, it drives Vander absolutely wild.
“Vander. You know me better than anyone, you know what I've been through. Nothing happens to my body without my full consent now. If I didn't want this, it wouldn't have happened in the first place.”
Vander feels like the dumbest man alive, but also the luckiest. Silco knew what was happening to him as a result of Vander’s care, and he let it happen - he's letting Vander mark his body, this time entirely by his choice.
Overcome by emotion, all he can do is take Silco’s beautiful face in his hands and kiss him again, deeply enough to hopefully convey just how lucky Vander is to have him, to have his forgiveness and love after all he's done to him.
When they break apart, Silco’s smile turns feral. “I've always liked it on you,” he purrs, his hands travelling to Vander’s midsection, resting on his sizable love handles.
“I know you do,” Vander says with some pride, thinking of all the times Silco paid extra attention to that area when they've been together - was he thinking about how he wanted that kind of softness for himself, too?
Silco’s hand goes to his own stomach again, leaving his other hand on Vander’s, as if comparing - there’s almost no comparison, so drastically different are their sizes and shapes, but it’s cute that he’s even trying. “And you like it on me.” It’s not a question, and it shouldn’t be, because Vander’s made his feelings very clear.
Vander nods, his mouth going dry. “As much of you as I can get,” he says hoarsely, and Silco rolls his eye before angling up to kiss him again.
“Then go and make us some breakfast,” Silco murmurs against the corner of Vander’s mouth when they break the kiss. “And there had better be bacon.”
Vander beams at Silco. “Anything for you, love,” he says with a wink, and sets off towards the kitchen, his heart soaring.
Silco puts on a robe (that definitely used to fit him a little looser) and follows him, making coffee and drinking it as Vander lumbers around the kitchen – Silco can cook, but he absolutely hates doing it, and Vander swore he’d make sure he never had to cook unless Silco really, really wanted to give it a try (which hasn’t happened yet). Now that he knows about the effects his cooking is having on Silco, he’s never been happier about his promise.
These quiet mornings have become second nature to them as their children grow up and move out - Viktor moved in with Jayce, Mylo’s been dating a Piltie girl, Claggor’s at the Academy, and Powder’s been spending more and more time with Ekko - she still lives with them, technically, but it’s only a matter of time before she moves out too. Vander knows it affects Silco more than he’ll let on, that he’ll be inconsolable when Powder finally moves out, but that he also enjoys the peaceful mornings in comparison to the chaos of when the kids were younger.
Vander likes watching him as he carries out his routine - reading the news while drinking his coffee at the table, his silvery hair falling into his pretty face as he occasionally reads or comments out loud to Vander. It’s domestic, just like Silco said - a kind of domesticity Vander would never have dreamed of having just years ago, especially not with Silco. Now, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
When breakfast is ready, mountains of pancakes and bacon and eggs and home fries just the way Silco likes them (almost burnt to a crisp and heavily spiced), Vander can’t help but watch Silco eat before he even touches the food himself, smiling as he digs in with a fervor he hasn’t seen since they were working in the mines and Silco would inhale his food on their criminally short lunch breaks. Is he playing it up for Vander? Probably, and Vander is enthralled anyway.
“You’ve outdone yourself,” Silco says before eating two bacon strips at the same time. Vander swallows and starts to eat his own food, but Silco is extremely distracting, and he’s more than halfway through his plate while Vander’s barely started.
“I must have made this for you a hundred times,” Vander says, mouth full, and Silco meets his eyes while taking a sip of his coffee.
“Well, it tastes better today. Maybe because I know you’re doing this to me on purpose now.” Silco’s matter-of-fact as usual, and it almost makes Vander choke.
“I–” Vander falters, because he was about to defend himself but then remembers putting extra butter in the pan with every pancake he made today. “You got me.”
“I’d be disappointed if you weren’t, honestly. I’ve barely gotten started.” Silco is trying to fucking kill him, this is his revenge, he’s been plotting it the whole time. Vander’s just going to die from sheer arousal instead of a knife between his ribs in the night.
“You’re doing this on purpose,” Vander groans.
“Of course I am. Keep up, Vander,” Silco teases around a mouthful of pancakes.
By the time they both finish breakfast, Silco is leaning back in his chair, one hand on the slight swell of his belly beneath his robe - the fact that there’s even enough to show is enough to make Vander bite back a growl low in his throat.
“I think I overdid it,” Silco breathes, and fuck, Vander is so weak to him.
“Did you now?” Vander rumbles. “Maybe we’d better sleep it off - we’ve got hours until we have to open the bar.”
“I hope you’re not actually talking about sleeping.”
“I’m not.”
“Good.” Silco scoots his chair back from the table, wincing as he stands up and puts a hand on his belly as if to steady himself. Again, Vander’s not sure if he’s playing it up for his benefit or not, but he’s not complaining either way.
Vander gets up and puts their plates in the sink before following Silco back to their bed – the dishes can wait.
By the time they make it back to bed, Silco’s already starting to untie his robe – he lets it fall to the floor with a catlike smirk on his face and Vander’s breath catches in his throat.
He’s absolutely fucking stunning, and Vander knows this, but seeing it never fails to amaze him regardless. His hair tumbles loosely around delicate shoulders, his green gaze meeting Vander’s with that maddening fucking smirk playing across his pretty lips, and Vander’s torn between wanting to kiss him stupid and wanting to just …take him in, revel in the sight of him.
Though he’s still slender, very much so, his sharp angles have been smoothed out just a bit – his collarbones no longer quite so prominent, the outline of his ribcage fading just slightly from view, his hips now curving out almost (but not quite) imperceptibly. But the exception to the subtle differences is the swell of his belly, visibly full from breakfast and pushing out in a taut little curve. It makes Vander’s head spin, his heart pound in his ears – he’s eaten enough that it actually shows, more than enough, that’s because of me!
Silco lets his hand rest on it, almost like he’s pregnant, and grins, letting his sharp teeth show. “Like what you see? You’re staring.”
“You have no fucking idea, Sil,” Vander says roughly, and closes the distance between them, framing Silco’s waist with both hands as he kisses him, tasting the remnants of breakfast on his lips. He can still get both his hands around his waist, even like this when he’s more full than Vander’s ever seen him - that won’t do, Vander thinks hazily.
When they break apart, Silco looks down at where Vander’s hands are encircling his waist. “Hmm. I’m going to miss you being able to do that.”
Vander’s stomach twists with arousal - it’s already intoxicating as it is to see him like this, it feels almost like sacrilege to try and imagine more, but the image comes to Vander’s mind anyway, of Silco’s slim figure starting to round out and curve in all the places where that hard-won softness is just starting to cling. And Silco wants it, just as much as he does – how could Vander possibly be this lucky?
Vander thumbs circles over the taut skin of Silco’s full belly, then starts to hold his hands further apart, until they can’t meet anymore. Silco inhales sharply, looking down and then meeting Vander’s eyes again. “I can’t fuckin’ wait until I can’t get my hands around you anymore,” Vander growls, and pulls Silco in for another kiss, this one heated and filled with promise.
“That better be a promise, Van,” Silco hisses against Vander’s beard. “I’m sick of this body, I want something soft,” he continues, and though Vander could never be sick of Silco’s body, no matter what size or shape, he understands – Silco’s whole life, his whole world has changed, and he wants his body to change with it.
“I’ll keep feeding you as long as you’ll have me,” Vander rumbles against Silco’s cheek, bringing his hands around to grab Silco’s ass - he’s never had much back there, but either it’s Vander’s imagination or, like the rest of him, there’s finally some softness starting to gather there. There’s barely enough for handfuls, but there’s enough, which wasn’t always the case in the past.
Silco makes a pleased little sound low in his throat. “You know, I’ve been waiting for you to notice.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long,” Vander says. “I don’t know how – I mean, I spend a lot of time staring at you.”
Silco makes a dismissive motion with his hand. “I can still wear all my clothes – no one’s noticed yet. And you’re not the most observant man in Zaun.”
Vander frowns, but it’s without anger. “Hey, I’m not that bad. You’re still a third of the size of me, this isn’t much at all.”
Silco pauses, looking away for a moment before meeting Vander’s eyes again. “It’s 20 pounds, give or take. Since we got back together.”
Vander’s jaw almost drops - Silco was keeping track? “Twenty?” Vander repeats like a parrot.
“Twenty.” Silco says, and there’s a note of unmistakable pride in his voice.
“Holy shit.”
“And it’s all your fault,” Silco purrs, trailing his fingers up and down Vander’s sides. “You ruined my figure.”
“Oh, love. I’m not done yet,” Vander says roughly, then, before Silco can respond, he picks him up by the hips and carries him to the bed, where he lays him down with ease - he does feel significantly heavier than the last time Vander picked him up, which thrills him beyond reason.
“Yes,” Silco hisses, wrapping his legs around Vander’s hips and pulling him down against him, so his hard cock is pressing against Silco’s impossibly slick cunt. “Feel how fucking wet I am for you, Vander? For you feeding me, wanting more of me?”
Vander groans out loud, bracing himself with his hands on either side of Silco’s shoulders on the bed as he starts to push the head of his cock into Silco’s pussy, reveling in how wet and slick he is, the feeling of his warm, tight folds around him - it’s almost too much, and Vander has to take it slow, achingly so. “I want as much of you as I can get,” Vander growls.
“Greedy,” Silco teases, his breath hitching in his chest as Vander pushes further inside him. “But understandable.”
“I’m gonna keep feeding you, ‘til you outgrow all those fancy little suits of yours,” Vander continues, sliding inside Silco all the way to the hilt – Vander, who’s been too big for partners before, fits inside him like they were made for each other, two puzzle pieces slotting together perfectly.
“Good,” Silco breathes, his voice tight with effort as Vander holds himself still inside him. “They’re too fancy to wear behind the bar, anyway.”
Vander starts to thrust, slow and agonizing at first, but picking up speed as Silco moans and arches beneath him, so beautiful and wanton that Vander’s reminded of when they were twenty years younger, stealing moments together in the mines, when all they had was each other and Silco was his only light in the darkness. (There’s other lights now too, but Silco’s still shines the brightest.)
“Love seeing you like this, all soft ‘n domesticated,” Vander growls, bringing one hand up to cover Silco’s taut belly. “Want you even softer,” he continues, thrusting in and out of Silco hard enough that his whole body bounces on his cock - and fuck, his thighs jiggle now with each thrust, Vander can feel it where his legs wrap around his waist–
“Van, fuck, need you, need you to keep feeding me - want to take up space, want to change,” Silco moans, his fingernails digging into Vander’s shoulder blades, and Vander knows this has to be something he’s been thinking about for even longer than he’s letting on, a desire he’s kept hidden (but it wasn’t hidden, it was in plain sight, twenty fucking pounds, right in front of Vander and he didn’t even notice!)
“I fuckin’ love you, Sil, so much, I’ll help you change if you want to – want more of you in the world,” Vander groans as he continues to thrust into him, and Silco outright whines as Vander finds the spot inside him that makes his whole body tremble and quiver with pleasure, his thighs and his pussy clenching around Vander in a way that makes stars explode behind his eyes.
Vander tries to pull out in time before he comes, but he doesn’t make it all the way out, spilling his seed in the swollen entrance of his cunt before the majority of it gets on the bed. “S-sorry,” he stammers, but Silco props himself up on his elbows, still catching his breath.
“It’s all right,” he breathes, and Vander hesitates for a moment before he rolls off of him and lies beside him, slinging one heavy arm over Silco’s waist.
“You sure?”
Silco shrugs, reaching for a cigarette and a matchbook on the bedside table. (Vander’s not sure what to do with a shrug, but he doesn’t push the issue.) After a moment, he sets them both back down. “Maybe I should quit. I’ve heard it causes weight gain.”
Vander almost chokes, once again. “It’s worth a shot,” he says.
Silco takes the package of cigarettes and shoves it in the drawer. “Done.”
“Will you need me to remind you of this when you regret it in a few days?” Vander says wryly, because it’s not the first time Silco’s tried to quit.
Silco shakes his head. “No, I think I’ve decided. I’d rather get fat.”
Vander can’t possibly articulate how much it affects him to hear Silco say that, so instead he just sits up and kisses him again, cupping his face in his hand. “Good,” Vander rumbles, and they sink back down into the sheets, drifting off into sleep.