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It was a nice day.
All the days had been nice.That was, of course, until a little snake wreaked havoc in the garden of Eden - “I was just making conversation with the humans!” - and seeked company in the form of an angel, simply because there were no other demons out there.
It was not the beginning of time, but it certainly was the beginning of something, for the humans learnt about Good and Evil and Everything In Between and ran off with a fiery sword.
Also, the Earth is liberal. Or a Libra, I always get those two things switched up.
You can imagine a lot has happened since Adam and Eve were banished from Eden. The most amazing and terrible things; discoveries, inventions, civilizations, wars, art, science, architecture, Terry Pratchett, food, man on the moon, wine, really good wine… the list goes on and on, but those are for other stories to tell. We’ll just focus on this single event that happened, oh, almost twenty five years ago. When the world had ended. On a Saturday. Just before dinner.
A man looked at his watch before staring meaningfully at an old, dusty-looking, insignificant building in the middle of other insignificant buildings. Even when grouped altogether, they were forgettable.
The man sighed exasperatedly, fingers hovering dangerously close to a claxon.
The man’s name was Crowley, and he was not a man, but a demon. Details.
Crowley had dark hair and yellow eyes and he was wearing snakeskin shoes, or at least he was presumably wearing shoes - not that it mattered, because said presumed shoes were hidden from view. As were the eyes. Again, details.
He also bore a remarkable likeliness to Nicholas Cage.
At that time - not really, but describing two hours of Crowley waiting in front of the building is extremely dull - another man opened the door of the building. This man was also no man, but wasn’t a demon either; no, this was an angel, and it seemed that angels had a strange sense of fashion.
As in, they were a couple decades too late.
This angel looked eerily similar to the demon Crowley, who in turn looked eerily similar to Nicholas Cage, but that was no mere coincidence; demons were of angel stock, after all, and the two were related.
(The angel and the demon. Not Nicholas Cage. As far as I’m concerned, that man is one hundred percent human.)
“You’re late, angel,” Crowley said.
The angel, whose name was Aziraphale and had never heard of Nicholas Cage whatsoever, furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and looked at his wristwatch.
“Oh,” he said. “It seems I am. Did we perchance…”
“Yes,” Crowley confirmed. “We did, in fact, miss the Apocalypse.”
Aziraphale blinked. “We’re still here, though.”
It was silent for a moment.
“Huh.”
Then: “Well, get in. It’s dinner time and I think we should go for sushi.”
Later, the owner of the sushi restaurant they went to was absolutely ecstatic to serve the famous Nicholas Cage and his long lost twin. Perhaps it was for the best this owner of the sushi restaurant was never present at the showdown at Lower Tadfield - with the four Horsemen, Shadwell, Madame Tracy and the Them.
After all, it was rumoured that there were only five other people with an identical face as yours in the world. Twelve Nicholas Cage look-a-likes might’ve been pushing it.