Archive of Our Own

In all honesty, it’s the most Euijoo thing in the world for him to be adamantly opposed to casual sex, give in and have a one night stand after much cajoling from his friends, and end up getting somebody pregnant.

If it wasn’t incredibly serious, the whole thing would be kind of hilarious. He feels almost like the universe’s joke. He’d used a condom and everything— not even a wrinkled one from Yuma’s wallet, he’d ran into the bathroom of the bar before leaving and bought one from one of the coin machines— and yet… boom. Here he is, a single father at age twenty-six.

Well, single father sounds a bit dramatic. It’s functionally true in the sense that when he has custody of their daughter, he’s a single dad, but Jihye is a perfectly capable mother on her own. They’d tried to make a relationship work for a few weeks, of course, but there just hadn’t been any real spark after that single night that got them into this mess in the first place.

If it were just about Euijoo’s happiness, he would’ve dropped to one knee and asked her to marry him in spite of all that. Jihye is likable and good and kind, even without any attraction between them; even without factoring in that she’s the mother of his child. That would be a burden he’d bear, even if he chaffed against it, as long as it made their daughter and Jihye’s lives better. Still, when he admitted that to her, she’d looked at him pittyingly.

“This wasn’t how I expected to become a mother, and I’m sure it’s not how you expected to become a father, but that doesn’t mean we have to shackle ourselves to a loveless marriage,” she’d told him. “I’m happy enough knowing you’ll pull your weight. There’s no reason for us both to be miserable.”

“I just feel bad.” It slipped out without him really meaning to say it. “I always wanted kids, but this is such a weird way to end up there. And it’s such an inconvenience for you.”

“Well,” she said, paging through one of the big books of baby names they’d taken to digging through, “I can’t exactly blame you, can I? How was either of us supposed to know that a condom and birth control can fail in one go? What are the odds?”

The odds, whatever they are, feel exactly like the improbable result that would happen to Euijoo despite the absurdity of it.

No name they picked felt right. They put it off until she was born— literally swaddled in their arms, all pink and red and soft and new— and Euijoo turned to Jihye and went, “She’s kind of a little pomegranate, isn’t she?”

And it stuck. Seokryu.

So they weren’t lovers, and not exactly best friends, but something nice and easy. Two Koreans working in Japan, which had seemed like a nice connection at the bar, and is now a relief just for the simplicity of it all. Jihye: smart, resourceful, and blunt when needed. If he’s going to co-parent a child with anybody he isn’t romantically involved with, Jihye is as close to an ideal partner as he can get.

Well. Her and Nicholas.

It’s sort of funny how well Nicholas hits it off with Jihye, even before the birth. He’s an ever-fluttering presence with them, like a moth and a lantern. He even runs her errands a few times while Euijoo is busy at work. Sometimes Euijoo finds his constant hovering annoying, but truthfully, it’s hard to imagine Nicholas not there.

In a moment of confusion over Nicholas’s enmeshment in his soon-to-be fatherhood, he’d given up and just asked him if he was interested in Jihye. Nicholas had dropped the bag of groceries he’d been hauling into Euijoo’s apartment with a clatter, sending a can of soup rolling under the counter, and turned to stare at him like he was stupid for even bringing it up. And Euijoo definitely felt stupid, so that was the last time he brought it up.

The first time Euijoo comes to pick Seokryu up without Nicholas in the passenger seat, Jihye looks genuinely shocked.

“You know,” Euijoo says dryly, strapping Seokryu into her car seat, “Nicholas has a life outside of me, right?”

“Funny,” she says, “it doesn’t seem like he knows that.”

She gives him a look that makes him drop his eyes again, warmth at the tips of his ears. He escapes at a perfectly safe and reasonable speed limit, then sits in the car once he pulls into his apartment parking lot and boxes that thought away with all his other inconvenient thoughts.

Euijoo takes to fatherhood like a fish takes to water. He gets very sick of that phrase very quickly, if only because his friends are so annoying about it— usually accompanied by the Ponyo song.

“You’re kind of built for being a dad,” Yudai tells him one day, smiling fondly at Seokryu where she’s swaddled in Euijoo’s arms on the couch.

“You think so?” Euijoo asks softly, looking down at Seokryu’s huge round eyes. He wonders if it’s just because she’s so small that they seem so large, or if she’ll keep his eyes as she grows up. The thought makes his chest feel fuzzy.

Beside him, Nicholas snorts. He reaches over, tucking a strand of hair that’s fallen into Euijoo’s eyes behind his ear. Euijoo shivers at the touch. “You’re so into being a dad that you’re forgetting to take care of yourself too.”

“I’m fine,” he insists, twitching away from Nicholas’s hand when he moves to go back in for another strand of hair. His hands are rather full with Seokryu, so it’s a nice gesture, but the gentle feeling of Nicholas’s fingers brushing his ear still makes him scowl. Nicholas shoots him an exasperated look. When he turns, Yudai is looking at him questioningly. “I’m fine. Nicholas is just hovering.”

“Nicholas is a Juju Expert,” Nicholas says dryly, “and Nicholas is hovering so much because he can’t help but notice the Juju in question, as good of a dad as he is, isn’t eating enough himself.”

“And who made you the Juju Expert?” Euijoo asks, unable to keep the little bite out of his voice.

When he turns to look at Yudai for support, Yudai shrugs. “I think he actually has a PhD in Jujuology. You better listen to him.”

And Euijoo bickers with Nicholas the entire time he orders takeout about how he’s perfectly fine and has a good balance of self-care and doting fatherisms, only shutting up when Nicholas shoves gimbap in his mouth and Seokryu gurgles with delight.

“See?” Nicholas says smugly. “Even she agrees with me.”

Euijoo just glowers at him.

The food is good, though.

The first real difficulty Euijoo experiences as a father hits him like a suckerpunch.

Seokryu is an easy baby. Barely cries, eats exactly what she’s supposed to when she’s supposed to. Loves people, loves being the center of attention. Loves naps. Euijoo thinks maybe Jihye gave birth to an angel instead of a human baby in that hospital room.

And then one night, she just won’t sleep.

Her cries almost become screams as he rocks her in his arms, the loudest he’s ever heard her since she was born. He tries everything, shifting from the rocking chair to his bed, to the couch, to pacing grooves in the floor of his living room. When he looks over at the clock above his stove and sees it’s midnight, he feels sick imagining his poor neighbors.

He takes her down to the car and straps her into her car seat and just… drives. Drives around their neighborhood in a big loop and prays. When that doesn’t work, he puts on lullabies. That seems to make her louder, so he quickly turns that off. He drives the loop again, then again, and again and again and again—

“Juju?” Nicholas’s voice is groggy, clearly having been woken up. He sounds half-muffled, almost like his face is still pressed into his pillow. “What time is it?”

“Help,” Euijoo says, because he doesn’t know what else to do anymore. He puts his forehead down against the cool steering wheel and closes his eyes, trying to ignore the pinpricks in them. “Please help.”

When he pulls up outside of Nicholas’s building, he’s already waiting outside for him. He tries to open his passenger side door, but Nicholas waves him off and comes around to the driver’s side instead.

“Get out,” he tells him, holding the door open and looking down at Euijoo’s puffy face. If he notices how red Euijoo’s eyes are, he doesn’t say anything. A line creases in his brow.

“But,” Euijoo starts, and Nicholas sighs and bends over, reaching across and unbuckling his seatbelt for him. Before he can protest, Nicholas hauls him out of the car and drags him to the other side. Dumbly, Euijoo clambers in. Nicholas shuts the door behind him.

Nicholas buckles himself into the driver’s seat, adjusting the mirror slightly before turning back to look at the whimpering girl. His voice is very soft when he says, “Hey, angel. Rough night, huh?” Seokryu whines. “That’s okay. Nico’s gonna take care of you and your Papa, okay?”

When Euijoo just looks at him, he turns back to meet his eyes.

“Well?” Nicholas says. “Don’t turn me into a liar in front of your daughter. Buckle up and let me take care of you. ”

So Euijoo does, because Nicholas says it like it matters that he isn’t one. Like it matters that Seokryu who’s too tiny to ever remember this would hear him lie— as if this could ever be a lie, not when Nicholas’s very presence in the car makes the pounding in Euijoo’s head lessen.

By the fourth lap around the neighborhood, Seokryu stops crying. By the sixth, she’s fast asleep in her car seat and Nicholas is smiling smugly as Euijoo stares at him in disbelief. By the tenth, Euijoo is out cold.

(“Like a baby,” Nicholas tells him the next morning. “I’m like a baby whisperer.”

And Euijoo rolls his eyes but lets it pass for two reasons. One: Euijoo truly has no idea how he managed to do it and even he knows when to let Nicholas gloat.

Two: Euijoo had woken up tucked into his bed in the morning with no memory of ever getting out of the car, and the pinpricks on his skin as he thinks about how exactly he ended up there is reason enough to leave the topic alone.)

The first coherent word Seokryu says is Mama. Euijoo concedes that he loses this race and Jihye gloats in a non-malicious, genuinely pretty funny way about it. He loses the bet they had on it and buys her dinner.

It’s fine. When Jihye facetimes him out of the blue and excitedly holds the phone up to Seokryu and begs her to repeat what she just said, Euijoo feels his heart burst from his chest at the word Papa. It was inevitable, of course, but he carries himself throughout the rest of his day with a jubilant bounce to his step that not even Nicholas or Taki can bring themselves to tease him about.

Seokryu’s third word comes around the dinner table at Yudai’s place, happily babbling away in her high chair as the nine of them laugh and eat. Euijoo was a bit afraid of overwhelming her with big groups like this at first, but it turns out his daughter is a little extrovert. Every time one of them talks to her, she gives them a big sunny smile that leads to a chorus of awws.

Nicholas watches her with a silly smile of his own, chin propped up on his hands and making faces at her. When she smears food across her cheek with a particularly messy spoonful, he’s even quicker than Euijoo about grabbing a napkin. Cooing at her, he wipes it away and makes her giggle. Euijoo’s chest tightens.

And then, clear as day:

“Nico!”

The conversations at the table stops. Nicholas turns to stare at Euijoo, eyes huge and confused. He points at himself.

“Did I mishear that?” He looks about as bewildered as Euijoo feels.

“Maybe?” Euijoo says, not entirely convinced.

And then, almost as if she really needs to make herself clear, Seokryu says it again. This time there’s no doubt about it, the word even more coherent than her first Papa.

Helpless, Euijoo is playfully pushed around by Yuma as the others break out into laughter. Fond, affectionate jeers about how it only makes sense for that to be her third word. Teasing about how it was the clearest word she’s said so far.

For once, Nicholas doesn’t say anything. Just looks back at Seokryu’s smiling face, stunned, in complete silence.

Later, after Seokryu is put down for the night and it’s just the two of them sitting on Euijoo’s couch, Nicholas quietly admits, “I didn’t think I’d be that important. For her to get my name so early, I mean.”

And Euijoo feels the sudden impulse to reach over and take one of Nicholas’s hands and fold it in his. Instead, Euijoo tucks his under his thigh and stares at the TV. “Of course you are. Don’t be stupid.”

Nicholas huffs out a laugh. When he dozes off, Euijoo drapes a blanket over him before reluctantly making his way to his bedroom.

One of the things about parenthood and being a father to the most adorable little girl in the world that Euijoo learns to get over is that there’s always too many damn people in his home all the time. It drives him crazy. Every day he gets calls from Yuma or Maki or whoever begging to come see her. Every day he gets home from work and finds somebody waiting for him with food in hand as an excuse to be let in.

A frankly absurd amount of the time, he opens the door to his place and finds Nicholas has let himself in. The worst part is it’s just not practical to revoke his spare key rights, not when Nicholas is always the first to throw himself at Euijoo when he needs a babysitter. Not when Nicholas is surprisingly good at taking one look at Euijoo walking in through the door of his own apartment and knowing exactly what food to order before he even says it. He calls it his superpower. Maybe all of Yudai’s PhD in Jujuology jokes have some merit in it, because it’s sort of uncanny how Nicholas is able to deduce what Euijoo is craving before his own brain even works it out.

For better or worse, his place is always noisy and full and he feels like he should be more annoyed about it than he actually is. It’s hard to be upset when everybody’s intentions are so pure and they all seem hellbent on easing some of his burdens when it comes to chores and food.

Plus… Seokryu is really just that cute. He gets why they all want to see her when he has her.

Nicholas is the worst out of all of them. It’s probably Euijoo’s fault. He should probably have more of a reaction than just an exasperated sigh to Nicholas walking into his place unannounced and sliding up to him while he’s doing dishes with that wry smile of his. If he actually nagged him about it more, maybe he’d stop. Still, every time Euijoo thinks about complaining— and not in the light bantering way he usually does it— he finds that his words stick to the insides of his mouth. When Nicholas smiles and takes a plate from his hands, all of those sticky words evaporate.

They then promptly come back when the Nicholas of it all wears off and he realizes that Nicholas didn’t even put the plates away properly before scurrying off to go play with Seokryu.

Still, Euijoo appreciates when he actually helps— and he does help, although he’s annoying about it. He goes with them to the store for groceries and actually speeds up the process compared to when Euijoo and Seokryu go alone. All the little old ladies stop and sweet talk her in her stroller, her big smile irresistible even to total strangers, and Nicholas grins while telling them all about how she’s the best, cutest, smartest kid ever. Euijoo rolls his eyes down the aisle while picking out ramen cups for his work lunch, but he can’t really argue with Nicholas’s glowing review of his daughter.

When they check out, Euijoo swears he hears one of them whisper, “If she grows up even half as pretty as her father, she’ll be a real beauty!”

A chorus of giggles from the ladies. Euijoo feels his face heat, suddenly very sure they aren’t talking about him.

Taki’s waiting outside when they get back, waving them down with a huge grin as he locks onto Seokryu in her stroller. He doesn’t help with bringing the groceries up, his task as baby jester far more important. Euijoo decides to give him a pass when he pries a particularly cute laugh out of Seokryu.

She’s on the floor with Taki as soon as they’re up there, Taki flopping down on his stomach and making noises at her. Allegedly, he’s here to help cook dinner later after they watch a movie, but Euijoo has his doubts. Fatherhood has made him at least slightly better in the kitchen, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t heavily rely on his friends for anything more than the basics. The problem is, he feels like his daughter’s attention is a black hole that consumes everybody around her. And like, again, he gets it! But there are only so many times a man can stand in his kitchen with his hands on his hips while eight grown men crowd a babbling toddler instead of helping with the thing they came over to help him do in the first place.

Nicholas shoots him a knowing look, mouth curved as he drops the bag on the counter. When Euijoo just shakes his head, Nicholas reaches out and swats Euijoo’s rear. He scowls, batting his hand away.

“Nico,” Seokryu whines from her place on the playmat, holding her tiny hands out.

Before anybody can say anything, Nicholas is crossing the apartment in big strides and sweeping the little girl up in his arms with an exaggerated, “Oh my! Only a few minutes but somebody already misses her favorite uncle!”

He then proceeds to shoot Taki a smug look. Taki rolls his eyes. Euijoo hides a smile by ducking down to stash another bag of groceries in the fridge. When he shuts the door and turns back, Nicholas is on his knees bouncing Seokryu in that way that always makes her giggle. But instead of giggling, her face is scrunching up more and more with each bounce while Nicholas’s big smile slowly turns into a frown.

“Nico! Nico!” Her babbling becomes more insistent, more frustrated.

“Hey,” Nicholas says, voice soft, “I’m right here. No need to get upset.”

“Is she hungry?” Taki asks, turning to look at Euijoo.

“No,” he says slowly, his stomach turning unsettlingly, “she ate before we went shopping.”

Truthfully, Seokryu eats a lot for such a tiny kid. Yudai once joked she’d eat her weight in baby food and fruit if Euijoo let her, and she wouldn’t cry about it at all. Euijoo is inclined to agree. He’s read about the nightmares other parents have getting their babies and toddlers to eat food while reading parenting forums and has spent his fatherhood so far incredibly grateful that doesn’t seem to be a hardship he has to deal with, at least not yet. So Seokryu had eaten her fair share before the store, so that shouldn’t be why she’s upset.

She’s only been sick once, and that had passed quickly, although Euijoo’s heart hadn’t settled until her little baby sneezes went away. He knows logically that her getting sick again is inevitable, but he can’t help but feel sick at the idea.

“It kinda feels like she wants something,” Nicholas says, still frowning as he looks down at her insistent little grabby hands.

“Wait,” Taki says suddenly, sitting up straighter from his place on the mat and pointing at Euijoo. “Euijoo-kun, come over here for a second.”

Euijoo does it immediately, hovering just behind Nicholas. Immediately, Seokryu’s babbled Nicos get more frantic, her hands reaching up towards him and her huge round eyes looking like they’re about to spill over. Nico, she insists, staring up at Euijoo over Nicholas’s shoulder. Euijoo starts to get a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach as he crouches down beside Nicholas, reaching out and letting Seokryu wrap her hands around his fingers. Nicholas frowns, looking between Euijoo and the suddenly much calmer baby in his arms.

“Wow,” Taki says after a long moment. “Kei-hyung is never going to let either of you live this down.”

Nicholas’s brow creases. “I don’t get it.”

Euijoo, unfortunately, does.

“Seokryu-chan thinks Nico is just another way to say Papa.” Taki’s stupid face breaks out into a huge smile. “You’re here taking care of her all the time, so it makes sense that she thinks—”

“Stop,” Euijoo says, because if Taki finishes what he’s about to say, Euijoo will have no choice but to kick both of them out for his own sanity. “Stop. Don’t. Enough.” Taki’s smile widens. “Enough.”

The older Seokryu gets, the more Euijoo becomes convinced Nicholas is rubbing off on her.

He’d feel sort of insane if Jihye didn’t bring it up herself during a handoff, laughter in her eyes as she tells him about Seokryu’s insistence that she’s a cat princess who can only communicate through meowing.

“Try getting Nicholas to talk to her,” she insists, “I bet he’ll understand.”

Exasperated, Euijoo says, “Nicholas is just going to say yes to everything she says.”

“Oh, like you’re any better,” she scoffs. Euijoo decides to ignore that.

Sure enough, Nicholas comes over for lunch and declares that they simply must hold a cat princess tea party in Euijoo’s living room. Before long, Euijoo’s dragged onto the blanket spread out on the floor and obediently sits through Nicholas and Seokryu sticking what feels like a hundred clips in his hair. He only manages to flinch a little bit when she accidentally closes one on his earlobe.

When she turns to set up the plastic teaset, Nicholas’s fingers find his ear and Euijoo freezes. His other hand settles on the base of Euijoo’s neck as he frees his lobe from the clip before sliding it in place behind his ear instead.

When Seokryu hands him a teacup, Nicholas accepts it gratefully. His other hand stays where it is, cupping Euijoo’s neck. Euijoo resists the urge to shake him off, then the urge to lean into it. So he sits there, smiling at his daughter as she makes him drink imaginary tea and trying not to think of the warm gentleness of Nicholas’s hands.

Seokryu starts school and Euijoo cries.

He isn’t sure why, it’s not like he’s exactly a crier, but seeing her all dressed up for her first day leaves him smiling and waving at her until she’s just out of sight, before promptly bursting into tears on the sidewalk in front of a bunch of moms. Jihye pats him reassuringly on the arm.

With Seokryu in school, Jihye also takes a leap and decides to go back to school. Euijoo adjusts his work schedule and takes Seokryu more often during the school year to ease her burden a bit. She’s thankful and he gets to see Seokryu more. Their fairly fifty-fifty split is nice when they get along so well, but it was inevitable that they’d eventually have to adjust. He’s sure there will be a time where Jihye takes her more for his sake, but for now he’ll enjoy having Seokryu around more often than not.

When the first parent-teacher meeting falls on a day when Jihye is busy and Seokryu is with her parents, it falls on Euijoo to face it bravely alone. He’s nervous as hell even though Seokryu by all accounts seems ahead of other kids her age. She’s smart and good at speaking and reading— and a demanding little thing when she wants to be, hungry for stories. He once had to tap out after a second picture book in one night and let Nicholas take over for him. He’d ever so smugly lorded it over Euijoo how fast she fell asleep for him like that. Seokryu always falls asleep easily with Nicholas. He wishes he could have that superpower. His previously easy-going baby has started to turn into a hyperactive (but still very cute) little kid, and bedtime has become more and more of an uphill battle.

So his beautiful, earnest, sweet, cheerful, hyper daughter being smart doesn’t necessarily mean she’s going to be crushing it in school, even kindergarten. It’s not like he’s gotten any complaints or messages from the school, and neither has Jihye, but it’s still a nagging fear.

The teacher smiles at him when he sits down in the little plastic chair that he’s far too big for, and when he blurts out a jumbled string of words asking if she’s doing okay, she laughs. Mortified but relieved, because surely a teacher wouldn’t laugh like that if things were bad, Euijoo feels his shoulders relax even as his face warms.

“She’s a very good kid,” the teacher reassures him. “Very sweet, very smart. She’s good at directions and seems very emotionally intelligent for her age. She’s always trying to share her snacks and toys with other kids, which is a good sign.”

And Euijoo can’t help but preen a little at that.

“She’s a real joy to have in class. She’s also extremely talkative— stories she made up and stories from home too.” Then the teacher’s voice changes slowly, as if she’s picking her words carefully. “The way she talks about her home life… is very sweet. I suppose I’m just happy that Seokryu-chan has so many parents who love her.”

Euijoo smiles, tilting his head slightly. That’s an odd way to put it, but sure. “Her mother and I aren’t very conventional, but we’re on good terms and we want to make sure she has as good a life as we can give her.”

“Right, right,” the teacher says, glancing over at a stack of papers behind her laptop. Euijoo tries not to strain to see it, instead staying politely seated and not being nosy. “That’s definitely very important. I guess I just…”

She trails off, looking a little helpless. Euijoo watches in confusion as she starts tapping her nails on the desk. “Is everything alright?”

A moment of hesitation. Then she sighs and says, “You know, we’re a very open-minded school when it comes to the lifestyles of our students’ families.”

“Uh-huh,” Euijoo says, still smiling despite a growing sense of unease.

“And, well, it’s probably good for you to know that Seokryu-chan has been pretty, ah, open, about her particular family situation with both the other children and teachers.”

“Um,” Euijoo says, “that’s alright. It’s not exactly a big secret that her parents aren’t married, as long as the other kids don’t bully her for it.”

“Seokryu-chan has been bragging to everyone that she has a mother and two fathers,” the teacher blurts out, then promptly turns the color of a ripe tomato.

Euijoo freezes in place. He stares at her, every functional part of his brain grinding to a stop as this woman tries to regain her composure. Realistically, Euijoo should laugh or scoff or— or do something to correct her. To insist that Seokryu is just confused about the people who are always around, she’s just a little kid after all.

Instead, Euijoo feels his tongue grow thick and heavy and seal off his mouth like cement. His fingers tighten in the fabric of his pants.

Wincing, the teacher continues, “I just figured you should know, in case you want to have a conversation with her about being more careful.” Quickly, she adds, “None of the staff or students have bothered her about it at all! In fact, a couple of the other kids seem a little jealous of the idea of having two fathers! I just— well, your business is your own.”

When Euijoo finally makes it back to his car, he sits there in complete silence. Slowly, he reaches over to the stack of papers on his passenger seat and picks up the top one. He hadn’t bothered to ask about the second father Seokryu talked about— why would he, when he already knew what the answer would be?

He looks down at the drawing, as messy as any young child’s crayon art. Seokryu in the middle beneath a three-color rainbow. In one hand, she holds a woman who’s clearly Jihye. In the other, an ambiguously gendered stick figure that must be Euijoo.

In Euijoo’s other hand is another stick figure with crude cat ears and a tail drawn onto them.

Euijoo puts the piece of paper back down, drops his face to the steering wheel, and makes a sound like a dying animal.

When Euijoo opens the door to his apartment and finds Nicholas in the kitchen, he stops dead in his tracks.

He forgot, honestly, that he and Nicholas had plans for dinner tonight. Which is stupid, because he and Nicholas have plans for dinner more often than not. When Nicholas turns to look at him with an easy smile, open arms, and a little ta-da as he gestures to the takeout laid out on the island, Euijoo has to resist the urge to walk backwards out of his own apartment and sprint back to his car.

Instead, he slowly toes out of his shoes and makes his way over to Nicholas.

“Meeting okay?” Nicholas asks, eyeing him closely as his smile fades at whatever he sees on Euijoo’s face.

Euijoo’s stomach churns. “Yeah. It’s good. Seokryu’s good. Really good, apparently.”

“Right,” Nicholas says, then leans back on his elbows against the counter and squints, “and that explains that weird look on your face, because…?”

Euijoo swallows thickly. Then, wordlessly, he drops the stack of papers on the island. Nicholas blinks, rocking forward on his heels and leaning over to look at the family portrait. When he realizes what it is— realizes that he’s there— he bursts out into laughter.

“Aww,” Nicholas says, picking it up delicately so he can get a better look at it, “I’m really part of the family, huh?”

And Euijoo just… stares at him. Baffled. How can Nicholas not be knocked sideways by this like him? Well, obviously he can’t know about the— the thing about two dads, but the picture itself is enough to make Euijoo feel dizzy. And here Nicholas is, grinning down at it.

When Nicholas looks up again, his smile snags at Euijoo’s expression. He tilts his head slowly. “Juju? Are you good? Are you… did you sleep enough?”

He reaches out, fingers gentle against Euijoo’s cheek as he inspects his face. Euijoo feels his insides try to tie themselves into knots, breath catching.

“Do you love Seokyru?” Euijoo asks, the words spilling out of him without his permission.

Nicholas stills, brow creasing. “What?”

“Do you love my daughter?” The shapes of the words in his mouth have an almost acidic sting to them as they form, but now that that dam has burst, he can’t stop them. “Seokyru, do you— she’s my whole world, Nico.”

Blinking rapidly, Nicholas sets the picture down and takes a half-step back before seeming to stop himself. He watches Euijoo’s face carefully, clearly confused. “I know she is, Juju. And of course I love her. She’s yours, how can I not?”

Right. Obvious. All of their friends would probably say the same thing. Perfect, sunny, angelic Seokryu. How could any of them not love her? Euijoo’s biased, of course, but he can’t imagine Taki or Fuma or Harua or any of them denying they love Seokryu. She’s Euijoo’s, just like Nicholas says, and Euijoo is theirs.

And yet— and yet it feels like some part of Euijoo’s skin has been peeled back, revealing something soft and fleshy and unavoidable. He feels the tower of boxes in his mind, stacked full of inconvenient things to think about, slowly start to tilt.

Unable to stop himself, his voice is barely a whisper when he asks, “Do you see her like your own daughter?”

Taken aback, Nicholas blinks rapidly. “Euijoo, what’s gotten into—”

“Nicholas. Please,” he says, strained and aching and feeling so taught he may break under Nicholas’s concerned gaze.

Nicholas closes his mouth. He looks Euijoo over with a careful consideration that he reserves for their quieter, serious moments when the bickering and teasing have no place for once. Euijoo almost shrinks away from that penetrating, knowing look, but holds himself still because he put himself here. How can he bolt anymore?

Finally, seriously, Nicholas says, “Of course I think of Seokryu like she’s my daughter. I wouldn’t have spent all this time with her— and you— if I didn’t, would I?”

Euijoo grabs a fistful of Nicholas’s collar and kisses him.

The noise Nicholas makes against his mouth is stunned, hands on Euijoo’s shoulders and rigid beneath Euijoo’s lips. And then he goes liquid against Euijoo, hand reaching up to cup the back of Euijoo’s neck and pulling him closer. Euijoo moves without thinking, backing Nicholas up against the kitchen island. Nicholas’s other hand finds his waist and Euijoo takes it as permission, pressing their bodies flush and deepening their kiss.

Greedy, gluttonous, all-consuming hunger tears through Euijoo’s brain as all of his senses narrow in on the touch and taste and sound of Nicholas kissing him back, holding him, urging him on. Euijoo plants a hand on the counter beside Nicholas.

The stack of papers slips to the floor as Euijoo’s hand knocks against it, startling the two of them apart. They both stare down at it, Seokryu’s drawing looking back up at them in all its rainbow crayon glory. Euijoo takes a shuddering breath, trying to compose himself.

Nicholas, for his part, doesn’t seem to be bothering with that at all. He turns his head back to Euijoo, gazing up at him with wide eyes that sparkle in the overhead lights of Euijoo’s kitchen. His hand on Euijoo’s neck flexes slightly, fingers tangled in the hair there— when did he do that?

“Hey,” Nicholas breathes, voice strained, “Juju, what— what was that?”

“Seokryu’s been telling other kids at school that she has two dads,” Euijoo blurts out, because what does he have to lose at this point? How else can he explain this sudden lapse in rationality? Does it even explain it? He doesn’t know. He feels like he hasn’t known anything since sitting down in that classroom— feels like maybe he hasn’t known anything since the first time he saw Nicholas hold Seokryu in his arms and felt his heart pang uselessly.

Nicholas’s eyes go comically wide, his kiss-blushed lips parting. “You mean… me?”

And that shocks Euijoo’s system back to life, just a little bit, and he can’t help but go, “No, it’s Taki— yes, Nicholas, it’s obviously you.”

“Don’t snark at me after you just grabbed me and kissed me,” Nicholas complains, but the grip he has on Euijoo’s waist tightens like he’s scared he’s going to let go or shove him away. Euijoo doesn’t do either of those things, and when Nicholas seems sure of that, he relaxes. “Ohhh-kay. Well… can you explain how your brain jumped from my daughter thinks of my best friend as a second father to I need to make out with him in my kitchen? Because I have to admit, I’m extremely interested.”

Euijoo’s face must be burning. He tries to look away but Nicholas grips the back of his neck, forcing his eyes back to his and holding it stubbornly. “Dunno.”

“Dunno?” Nicholas repeats slowly.

“Just felt right,” Euijoo mumbles.

“Huh,” Nicholas says. “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that, right?”

And Euijoo does recoil at that, scowling down at him. “Why?”

Exasperated, Nicholas reaches down and tugs at the sleeve of Euijoo’s shirt where his hand still grips Nicholas’s collar. “Are you kidding me? You just demanded to know if I see your daughter as my own and then ravished me in your kitchen—”

“There was no ravishing!” Euijoo interjects, face flaming.

“Ravishing!” Nicholas insists, much louder. “And then you can’t even give me an answer why! Where’s your sense of romance, Juju?”

“How was I supposed to know you want romance?” Euijoo asks. “I don’t even know what that means! Isn’t kissing you romantic?”

“This is crazy,” Nicholas complains, “I spend years— years!— pining after you and it turns out I’m in love with the stupidest man on the face of planet Earth. I cannot believe you procreated. Your kindergarten daughter has more sense than you do!”

Euijoo opens his mouth to argue. Stops. Closes his mouth. Opens it again. Gives up on talking. Takes a step back from Nicholas to really take him in: flushed cheeks, parted lips rosy from kissing, stupid stupid mouth he’s spent too long not thinking about.

And Nicholas looks dead scared. Laughing and whining but scared out of his mind as he looks at Euijoo with huge eyes, his hand balled up in the sleeve of Euijoo’s shirt.

“You can ignore that,” Nicholas says quickly, at the exact same time Euijoo says, “You’re in love with me?”

Nicholas looks up at the ceiling like he can find something up there. Patience maybe. An escape route? Euijoo feels a sense of panic set in, filling up his stomach and spreading to his lungs and brain.

Do something! the anxious dog part of his brain hisses at him, and all that he can think to do in the moment is start to get down on one knee.

Nicholas jolts, yanking Euijoo up before he can fully get down on it. When he laughs, he sounds nearly hysterical. “Euijoo! When I said I wanted romance, that didn’t mean get down and propose!”

Right. Yeah, no, that’s stupid. Why would he do that?

Some of the tension in Nicholas’s shoulders seems to ease, however, and Euijoo feels his relax at the sight as well. Apologetically, Euijoo reaches out and takes the hand that yanked him up and folds it between both of his. Nicholas stills again, watching Euijoo with an unsure look.

“I don’t know how to do romance,” Euijoo admits carefully. “I’m sure you know that— obviously you do. And I’m stupid.” Nicholas snorts at that. “It’s probably confusing how I got from a picture Seokryu drew to kissing you, but it’s not like this came out of nowhere for me. Not really. I’m just… not good. At wanting things. And Seokryu is one of the only things I’ve wanted and let myself want.”

When Nicholas doesn’t say anything but doesn’t pull away either, Euijoo continues, “I’ve wanted you for a long time. I don’t know when, so I’m sorry I can’t answer that, but… I just didn’t think I could want that. Didn’t think I should want it from you, even if sometimes I’ve wondered if you felt that way too. But Seokryu wanting you too— and you wanting her— just… made it feel like I finally had permission to want that, maybe.”

And then he looks at Nicholas helplessly, feeling naked and raw in front of him. It would be so easy for Nicholas to say no, to drive a blade in now. Instead, Nicholas deflates.

“I didn’t think you liked me back,” Nicholas admits quietly. Euijoo’s hands move to grip his shoulders, trying to steady him as Nicholas’s humor visibly slips into something more serious, more unsure. More vulnerable. “I thought… I thought that if this was as close as I could get to you— to Seokryu— then it would be enough. I could make it be enough.”

Euijoo’s chest tightens. “You were always more than enough.” Then, quickly, he adds, “That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to want more! I also always wanted more!”

And the little smile on Nicholas’s face tugs at his heart. “Yes, Juju, I’m kind of getting that now.”

Euijoo looks up at the ceiling and tries to find whatever it is that Nicholas was looking for up there a moment ago. A nice reprieve from his own stupidity, perhaps.

“Did you really just almost propose to me?” Nicholas asks, and Euijoo flinches. His reaction only makes Nicholas’s smile turn more catlike.

“What? No, I— I don’t know!” He shakes his head. “You just looked so— freaked out, I guess, that maybe I didn’t feel the same. And I just thought—”

“To marry me?” Nicholas prompts.

Euijoo wonders what color his face is. Surely it’s bright red. Surely he looks horrible. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Clearly,” Nicholas says, “considering you almost tried to propose to a man.”

“Oh, stop!” Euijoo hisses, and Nicholas starts to laugh properly now, and he looks so beautiful in the light of Euijoo’s kitchen that he can’t help but lean in and kiss him again.

This time, he doesn’t pull away and he only vaguely regrets not following through on getting down on one knee.

Seokryu handles the news that Nicholas is Papa’s special friend with all the grace of a very small child who is very unimpressed with Euijoo trying to explain something to her that she’s known her entire life. She was the first one to realize Nico is just another word for Papa, after all.

Euijoo also finds out that an absurd amount of money is exchanged within their friend group as soon as they tell them. His horror at his years-long will-they-won’t-they with Nicholas being the center of a betting pool is only calcified when Yudai informs him that Jihye actually won the most off it.

It’s an incredibly humbling experience.

After that, things settle into place and Euijoo realizes that things really haven’t changed at all, except this time when Nicholas comes over, he never leaves.

The first time he finds Nicholas passed out over Seokryu’s blankets while she pages away at the storybook herself, Euijoo has to excuse himself to the bathroom to rub at his eyes until they stop stinging before hauling Nicholas to the bedroom and coming back to put her to bed properly. And when he crawls into bed with him, Nicholas wraps his limbs around Euijoo and snuggles into his neck oh so sweetly, and Euijoo thinks he must’ve fallen down the steps carrying groceries and ended up in a coma.

Nicholas embraces fatherhood in the literal sense with such gusto, it knocks Euijoo’s breath clean out of his chest. His earnest care for Seokryu and Euijoo before seems like nothing compared to now, and Euijoo realizes suddenly how much Nicholas held himself back.

On a warm spring day, cherry blossoms drifting in the wind, Nicholas packs a basket and Seokryu’s backpack and whisks them off to the park.

“Cat princesses deserve real tea parties,” he declares, and Euijoo almost dissolves at the look he gives Seokryu when she tries to launch herself up into his arms in an excited whirl of skirts and bouncy pigtails.

Puffy white clouds drift through the blue sky, and when they finish all the sandwiches and little snacks, the three of them lie on their backs on the plaid blanket and make pictures out of them. Because Seokryu is ever so clever, far more than either of her fathers, she correctly identifies every single one and they nod sagely and hum in agreement. Truly, Euijoo decides, his daughter is a genius.

When they walk through the street stalls selling flowers and all sorts of little trinkets, Euijoo finds himself a little stunned at how easily this domesticity comes to him. With Seokryu, of course, but the way Nicholas slides into it makes it feel like he was always there. And he was, in a way, but Euijoo sort of expected the explicit boyfriend or partner label being put on things to make it feel different. It doesn’t, but Euijoo quietly decides he’s glad.

He also decides Nicholas was definitely right about him being the stupidest man on Earth, but Nicholas must at least be the second stupidest man. Personally, Euijoo thinks they’re tied.

Seokryu points out a stall selling keychains and Nicholas drags them over there— hand in Seokyru’s, Seokryu’s in Euijoo’s— before dropping into a crouch and helping her look through them. When she notices a rack of fruit, she gets so excited she starts bouncing on her heels.

“That’s me!” She points at a shiny red pomegranate in the middle.

Euijoo reaches into his back pocket for his wallet, but before he can even pull it out, Nicholas is handing his card to the vendor with a huge smile. He plucks the pomegranate keychain off the rack, then takes two more as well: a strawberry and a tangerine.

“You’re spoiling her,” Euijoo says, with no real annoyance.

“Yes,” Nicholas agrees as the woman hands him a little bag, “but only one of them is Seokryu’s. We’re sharing.”

Euijoo’s eyebrows shoot up. “We?”

Nicholas just grins at him, shaking Seokyru’s hand off his before making her spin around so he can crouch down again and clip the pomegranate onto her backpack. She shouts in delight, jumping in place and doing a little twirl for them— Euijoo still holding her hand, so he lifts it up when she spins, almost like they’re dancing. Nicholas claps.

Then he pulls out his lanyard and slides the strawberry onto it. Seokryu gasps in delight. Before Euijoo can react, Nicholas is sliding his hand into Euijoo’s pocket and fishing out his keys. The tangerine is snapped into place. He holds it out to Euijoo again with a smile that Euijoo quietly snapshots and saves somewhere in his brain to come back to later.

Picnic gear and trinkets in hand, they set off in the direction of their apartment. Seokryu bounces between them, pink shoes click-clacking on the pavement and her dress swirling. She skips across cracks in the sidewalk, Nicholas helping to pick her up a little higher with each jump.

Emboldened by the grasp of their hands, Seokryu takes a running leap and they hold onto her, swinging her between their arms as the pomegranate keychain clinks gently with her brief flight. Her feet meet the ground again and Euijoo finds Nicholas’s eyes. Nicholas grins back at him with such open adoration that Euijoo worries his chest may burst from the warmth of it. When they lift her up again and she laughs, Euijoo finds that he can’t recall ever being happier in all his life.