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The night was warm. The forest provided oxygen from the trees, the moon and stars shone gently, and the flowers around them smelled sweet. Yet despite the gentle atmosphere, Kanade’s blood felt cold, and her lungs felt like thorns were wrapping around them and cutting into them.
She faced Luka, the mysterious foreseer who had gotten her out of many dangerous situations before, the same one who was now telling her something that made her stomach churn.
”What do you mean, “Mafuyu will die”?” Kanade forced out, sweat beading on her neck.
”It’s a disturbing vision, isn’t it?” Luka smiled sympathetically, the glow of her crystal ball ceasing with a flick of her fingers. “It’s true, however. The curse of the death goddess has chosen her this millennium.”
”No,” She replied, but it was more of a plea than a denial. Like she was desperately asking the gods themselves to take that statement back and erase it, so Mafuyu could remain safe in her arms.
The death goddess chose one human every millennium as a sacrifice, using the power of their life force to prevent a colossal disaster to the rest, but out of the billions of people in this world, the girl Kanade loved couldn’t be the one to leave her. The girl she was working tirelessly to save, the girl she’d helped get better, the girl she was willing to sacrifice her entire being for.
”I’m afraid so,” Luka leaned up in her seat. “Fate is a cruel thing, indeed.”
So, a desperate Kanade jumped to the first thing she could think of. “Can’t I stop it?”
Luka chuckled humorlessly. “That would be akin to turning fate itself inside-out.”
”I don’t care,” She insisted. “If it’s within my power, I’ll do it.”
She’d already sworn long ago she’d do anything for Mafuyu. Whether that meant rising with her or pushing her to the sky while she fell to the abyss didn’t matter to her.
Luka looked at her for a moment, and she could see a mix of pity and resignation in her eyes. She and Kanade had a mutual understanding of her goals, but they were always distant nonetheless. Which worked out in her favor, because she didn’t make any moves to protest.
”The only thing that could equate to the power of a life…” She started, clasping her hands together and resting her chin on them. “Is another.”
Kanade let out a shaky exhale. She suspected as much. After all, that was the law of the world. An eye for an eye. A heart for a heart.
A life for a life.
”After you die, Mafuyu’s life will be secured,” She promised, caressing her crystal ball, the glass humming lightly beneath her fingertips. “Your sacrifice will change her fate, guaranteeing her a long life. She will be saved.”
That was all Kanade had ever wished for.
It wasn’t an ideal situation by any means. It was a cruel stroke of fate, only serving to hurt them both. But she knew what was most important to her heart, and it wasn’t her own life. So resolve far outweighed any sense of fear or sadness that couldn’t clutched at her chest.
”I’ll do it,” She said, leaning forward. “I’ll trade my life.”
Luka smiled solemnly. Kanade knew that she didn’t quite like the idea, but if anyone knew Kanade, they knew that there was no stopping her when she wanted to save somebody. She’d go to any length necessary.
”Go to the northern shrine and do the ritual of Shi,” Luka offered her a paper with instructions for the ritual, and the slip. “Normally, you’d have to wait til the day of to find out if it worked, but I’ll offer you this slip. If the characters glow within twelve hours of performing the ritual, you’ll have successfully switched your fates. It can only be reversed if one of you does the ritual again.”
Kanade nodded and took both the paper and the slip. “Thank you, Luka-san.”
”You’ll feel a sharp pain in your heart,” She explained. “And your nails will start to begin to turn purple. That’s when you know the end is near.”
She would have said goodbye and offered to bring her tea to repay her, but she didn’t have time today. She’d say her goodbyes along with everyone else.
She cast a speed spell and ran as fast to the northern shrine as she could.
————
That was about a week ago.
The spell had worked. To her relief, the next time she awoke, there was a warmth in her hands and a glow from the slip. She hadn’t slept much that night, mulling over everything and hiding her plan from Mafuyu.
She had considered every aspect of her plan carefully. Mentally, Mafuyu was not fully saved, so losing her might well drive her over the edge. Which was why Kanade, in her goodbye conversation to her, had also entrusted Luka to look after her, to help her make friends and to help her through any grief. Luka had foreseen a long life for Mafuyu, which took care of that aspect.
Once that was finished, she steeled herself and took care of any preparations. It wasn’t much, considering she was not only a mage, but a hermit with not many friends other than Mafuyu, Luka, and the bakery shop owner that sold food in the village, Mochizuki Honami.
She said her goodbyes to Honami a couple days after. She had helped her quite a lot, so she couldn’t simply leave without a word. Technically, it was buying many of her pastries and other meals, and having a nice chat with her without making it too obvious it was their last. Honami could tell she was acting strange, but didn’t push, thankfully. She wanted to tell her, but she would’ve stopped her.
So, now, all that was left to do was spend as much time with Mafuyu as she could. It wasn’t possible for her to have no regrets, but she could at least lessen them.
”Are you scared?”, Luka had asked her during their final conversation, and she hadn’t found herself able to give an immediate answer.
To her, dying to save someone she loved was an honor. She didn’t quite feel she deserved to live a long life, in all honesty. She had always wanted to save, and she had always wanted to atone for the mistakes she made in the past. The magic of her music, which cost Kanade her father.
There was a part of her that was scared too. The fear of what would become of her, the pain of a true confirmation of no future, of never being able to see Mafuyu again. The death goddess was a mysterious one, and an afterlife was only a speculation. In the worst case, her and Mafuyu might be parted forever.
But Kanade wouldn’t be able to live without Mafuyu, anyway. So after a moment of hesitation, her answer had been, ”Mafuyu is what’s most important to me. The thought of living without her is scarier than any death that could come my way.”
Luka had accepted this answer.
And now, came her final night alive.
Kanade had composed as many melodies as possible and bought as many magic books for Mafuyu to keep if she ever felt lonely. So, the only thing left to do was to live her last day.
So, in the afternoon, when Mafuyu had served her a meal and poured her a glass of water, Kanade held onto her sleeve before she could walk back over to the fire.
“Would you like to go somewhere with me tonight?” She asked.
————
Kanade wasn’t very good at planning hangouts, but she tried her best for Mafuyu’s sake. Compared to sacrificing her life for her, it was easier, at the very least. Especially since today she had a special plan and place in mind.
“You normally aren’t one for plans,” Mafuyu observed, flying on her staff with Kanade holding onto her waist. It felt more like an embrace than simple safety. “What’s different today?”
Obviously, she couldn’t state the true reason, so she instead said, “I wanted to do something nice for you today. You’ve been stressed.”
“…You seem like the one more stressed than me.”
Kanade gave something in between a chuckle and a grimace to that, wavering and not carrying much humor. Mafuyu was as blunt as ever, and she was aware something was going on. She had more sleepless nights than usual, ate less, and went to the village more. Thankfully she didn’t push, but she could tell Mafuyu didn’t quite believe her when she said everything was fine.
She did feel guilty, not only for leaving her behind, but for lying to her. She loved Mafuyu, and she knew Mafuyu loved her in turn. They had many complications in their lives, so they never quite called what they had romantic, though they knew it was more than platonic. Kanade had planned to confess when things resolved and their lives got better.
Little did she know they wouldn’t.
She hadn’t been truthful with anyone but Luka so far. That was because the two friends she had would have both done anything in their power to stop her and reverse the spell.
A goodbye would come regardless. One of their lives would be cut short. Kanade would rather it be hers than Mafuyu’s.
The earlier part of the day went as usual, practicing magic and quickly visiting the forest to gather herbs and berries. The sun had mostly set by now, painting the sky the same shade of purple and magenta that made Kanade think of them. It was fitting for her last twilight.
The two flew without talking much. Quiet was always a common thing for the two, but it never quite felt thick or awkward. They could lean on each other and watch the sunset, hands intertwined like they were the only ones who existed, and not a word had to be spoken for them to feel comfortable.
Today, Kanade’s thoughts were too loud for her to feel comfortable in any way.
By the time they reached their destination, the magenta had faded from the sky, and purple was what was left. The stars had begun to peek out, and a hint of white-blue moonlight shone in the east. It was beautiful, but her focus drifted to the ground as they landed.
To anyone else, it was a simple pretty sight. It wasn’t anything magnificent or worthy of being painted and hung in a museum, but to Kanade and Mafuyu, it meant so much more than any painting could convey.
It was a field in a forest, with trees and grass and bushes. And the thing that was the least noticeable to most, but meant the world to Kanade, white carnations in the bushes, and an array of periwinkles on the ground.
Originally, it was a place with no flowers. The two had found the place when Kanade and Mafuyu were both just above their lowest, right after they had just met and started traveling together.
The field was plain at first, and the grass was mostly brown and burnt due to fires. Kanade had offhandedly mentioned how the bushes would look beautiful with carnations, and at Mafuyu’s curiosity, cast a simple spell with a seed she had gathered. Then, she got the idea to repair the field, which Mafuyu had no objections to, and it turned into the place she treasured most.
“More periwinkles have bloomed.” Mafuyu stated as she got off her staff. Despite landing, she still stayed close to her.
“Yeah,” Kanade agreed, looking around at the field with a fond smile. “I remember how bleak this field used to be. It’s nice to see it’s grown.”
“It’s probably thanks to your song,” She ran her finger over a carnation on a bush. “If it weren’t for the magic you performed with it, the soil would’ve stayed dry and barren.”
“Your growth spell also helped,” Kanade replied, her eyes drifting over to the carnation she was touching. In another life, maybe she would have touched it along with her and guided their hands to intertwine. “It was a lengthy flight to get the seeds, but I’m glad we ended up doing it. Now periwinkles are all over the field.”
“The seeds spread.” Mafuyu replied.
Her expression was usually blank, and now was no different, but Kanade had gotten good at reading it. And she could detect a hint of softness in her eyes, which looked a bit brighter than usual.
“Do you like the sight?” Kanade asked.
“I think so,” She replied. Their hands brushed, and she didn’t pull away. “I feel a bit warm seeing it.”
The softness of her skin and the warmth of her expression made Kanade’s heart swell with so much love that it was almost enough to make her forget her hours with her were numbered.
“I hope we can visit this place together again.” Mafuyu murmured.
Almost.
Kanade wished she could at least say a proper goodbye to Mafuyu. Confess her feelings, say the words “goodbye”, be transparent and spend her last few moments with her soul laid bare to the girl it had belonged to before she even knew what souls were.
But if she did, Mafuyu would run to the northern shrine with tears of desperation and undo the spell to switch back their fates in a heartbeat, and she wouldn’t be able to live on without her.
There was no “again”. They had no tomorrow. Not together, at least. So, Kanade, heart twisting, turned to Mafuyu with a smile that held adoration and a sadness she hoped she couldn’t see.
“Would you like to dance with me?”
Mafuyu turned to her and tilted her head with a hum of
confusion. “I thought you didn’t know how to dance.”
Kanade did, in fact, not know how to dance. She wasn’t the strongest person physically, and relied on her magic for fighting. Dancing would most likely be awkward. But she wanted to try. Because of something her mother said, long back in the good old days.
”When you find someone you love, share a dance with them,” Her mother had said after a bedtime story, caressing her small head and lulling her to sleep. “That’s what me and your dad did.”
She couldn’t quite tell her the full symbolism, so she said instead, “I wanted to learn. I promised my mother to do it with someone special to me.”
It wasn’t a lie, and Mafuyu accepted the answer. Kanade had told her about her family, and she knew how important a promise to her mother was.
She outstretched her hand, and Kanade took it, savoring all the warmth she could get.
According to Mafuyu, she’d been taught how to dance at a young age, so Kanade needed to worry only about her own skills. The cute little dances around the room she’d done with her parents as a child didn’t teach her much, especially considering the amount of times she’d stepped on their feet.
She guided her hand to her shoulder, and placed an arm around her waist, their free hands intertwining and etching themselves into each other. Pink spread on Kanade’s face from the intimacy of the action, and if her heart weren’t caught in thorns by her impending death, it wouldn’t have hurt when it fluttered.
She hummed a tune, the same one she used for the healing spell on this same field. There was no spell this time, nothing more than the song. She’d already cast a healing spell for a small burn Mafuyu had gotten while cooking, and if possible, she wanted her last spell to remain for her.
The two began to sway from side to side, Kanade watching her feet to make sure she didn’t step on Mafuyu’s. From the few glances she could get of her face, her eyes were soft and there was no tension in her muscles, which meant she was enjoying it.
It wasn’t perfect. It was awkward, in fact. Mafuyu would murmur an instruction and Kanade would follow it the best she could, though she still tripped a bit and her hair would touch the floor when Mafuyu dipped her. But that didn’t lessen the feeling of floating from leaning forward when Mafuyu leaned back, or the way her heart would flutter at being twirled around.
She was a good teacher, and within a couple minutes, Kanade felt her steps even out a bit. Mafuyu moved her gaze to her for a second, and then started humming along with her, soft and steady. Singing together had always been something the two of them did, whether as spells or for simple leisure. Mafuyu always said it made her chest feel warm, and it made hers warm too.
For one moment, for just a short while, she let herself enjoy it. One last dance under the moon and stars with the girl she loved. With the girl she’d broken and healed and laughed and cried with, with the girl who carried her heart with her and would always have it until the end of time and after it.
And then that moment ended.
The song stopped, their voices and movements paused, and the only sound that remained was their breathing and the rustling of the wind and the trees. Kanade’s hands rested on her shoulders, and Mafuyu’s on her waist. The two were close. Very close.
Mafuyu looked beautiful. Her eyes were soft, her lips were just slightly parted, and her face was a tinged pink. She almost glowed in the starlight.
Maybe in another life, Kanade would have closed that distance. Leaned forward and kissed her until the only thing they knew was each other. Stayed with her until the end of time and let each other’s warmth heal every wound.
CRACK
But not this life.
A searing pain spread across her chest that sent her reeling back with a sharp gasp and made her nearly fall over. Right over her heart area, so severe it felt like her heart was being ripped from the arteries connected to it.
She didn’t even need to look at her nails. This pain was unmistakable. The end was near.
“Kanade?!” Mafuyu caught her in her arms, her expression of warmth shifted to one of panic that hurt almost as much as her chest.
That snapped her out of the slight delirium that the pain brought, and she lifted her head up, steadying herself back onto her feet. She hoped she wouldn’t see the shake in her fingers, because this pain hurt like none other.
“Sorry,” She said, forcing a smile to not worry her. “I just lost my balance.”
“What’s going on?” Mafuyu asked, confused as Kanade broke the contact and brushed her hands off her. “Are you sick?”
“I just stayed up too late last night,” She said. “I think I just need a quick walk. Why don’t you go back without me? I’ll make it back to our cabin in a bit.”
She wouldn’t die in front of her. She refused to traumatize her that way. She’d already entrusted Luka to explain everything to her. The least she could do was spare her as much pain as she could.
“Are you sure?” Mafuyu started, and Kanade could tell she had worried her. “You nearly collapsed just now…”
Her heart hurt so terribly she could barely speak. But she forced the words out, and forced herself to not tear up while saying them.
“I’m sure,” She said gently. She wanted to hug her one last time, but then she’d feel her body shaking and refuse to leave. “Go ahead. I’ll be back before midnight.”
Mafuyu didn’t look incredibly reassured, but it seemed the smile she gave her was enough for her to at least bring out her staff once more. Her health wasn’t the greatest, and similar things to this had happened in the past, so she probably assumed it was something similar to those times.
“I’ll make you a cup of tea,” She promised.
Kanade nodded. “Thank you. For everything.”
The words were the final ones she left her with as she flew off, still looking back at her with worried eyes until she disappeared from her sight.
The moment she did, Kanade let the pain take her over, and collapsed into a heap of flowers with a sharp cough.
Her vision was blurred, but she could see her nails turn purple. Dark purple, too, not even a gentle lilac. She tried to think of it as similar to the color of Mafuyu’s hair to ease the pain a bit.
She had fulfilled her purpose. She was able to save someone. The girl she loved, no less. She kept her promise. Had she atoned for her mistakes? Would her parents be proud of her?
Was she proud of herself?
Her fingertips began to disintegrate into glittering dust, and she breathed a heavy sigh.
She didn’t know if she would ever be able to atone for her mistakes, let alone forgive herself. But at the very least, she had done something good. She’d saved someone. She’d saved Mafuyu. And she’d be able to live on now.
Even if Kanade wasn’t there with her.
She let tears flow from her eyes as the last of her body disintegrated into dust, silently praying to the gods to grant her happiness, and for them to be reunited in another life.