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Jungkook can't remember the last date he went on with any of his boyfriends where he didn't feel like a third wheel, or someone out of the loop with inside jokes he just can't for the life of him understand. He has always thought that having six boyfriends would mean always receiving love. Jungkook doesn't know what to do anymore. When it had been five of them; Jungkook, Namjoon, Seokjin, Jimin, and Taehyung. There had been no issues like this. Yes, Taehyung and Jimin had been as close as they are now—they've known each other since they were babies. Yes, Seokjin and Namjoon were inseparable—being roommates for five years before dating can do that. But, they had always made sure that Jungkook knew he's loved. He spent most dates with Seokjin and Namjoon doting on him, fussing over him and making sure he ate well. They listened to his day and his feelings and his nonsensical stories, making him blush with their attentive fond eyes. Then, they'd come home and all five of them would squeeze onto their shared bed, Jungkook cocooned between Taehyung and Jimin who would be sandwiched between Namjoon and Seokjin.
There had never been room to doubt that they love him. Especially when five became six, Hoseok joined their little pod of love and he'll always be one of the best additions to their lives. Hoseok's a little ray of sunshine, Jungkook will always adore him to the moon and back a million times over. He slotted into their lives like he had always been there. Everything fell perfectly aligned. There were enough people to split into pairs for solo dates, and three-way dates. Namjoon and Hoseok grew close quickly, often spending the most time together. Seokjin did not seem unhappy that he couldn't spend enough time with Namjoon like before, maybe its because Jungkook had been by his side. Jungkook sure hoped so, because felt that way about Seokjin. Seokjin's doting never ceased, in fact, it increased especially after a long bickering session between the youngest and eldest. Even when he missed Namjoon, or Hoseok, or Jimin, or Taehyung's affection, Jungkook didn't feel lonely. Seokjin had always been by his side making his heart feel full.
Now, don't get anything wrong. Jungkook loves that they were once six. He loves them all individually just as much as the next one does. But, lets be real, sometimes its hard trying to balance time to make all the relationships work like before. Maybe, Jungkook realises that this is where it began to all go wrong without anyone noticing.
They had been six for another year until they bumped into their next door neighbour, Yoongi. Soon, six became seven, and their relationship had altered once again for everyone. But, mostly for Jungkook and Seokjin. Yoongi had been quite cut-off when they all met, and still so when he joined the relationship. Yoongi had been extremely shy, despite his cold emotionless exterior. Seokjin had been the one to get Yoongi to lay down his walls, and let him close. There was something about Seokjin that just let Yoongi relax. It didn't take long for feelings to grow and the rest was history. They were meant to be seven. But with every new relationship, there are new complications. Yoongi had grown extremely fond of Seokjin, and the two often hung out. Namjoon and Hoseok were still close, though every one knows that they will never be as inseparable as Jimin and Taehyung.
Which left Jungkook awkwardly hanging, more often than not. He had once been super close with Namjoon, but the other pulled back slightly to make room for Hoseok. Seokjin had done the same for Yoongi. Jimin and Taehyung had been around for Jungkook the first six months after Yoongi joined. But Jungkook let himself drift, the two always talked like Jungkook would understand their inside jokes. He didn't, and felt left out. They had tried explaining one to him once, but it just left an awkward air when Jungkook didn't seem to understand why it had been so funny. They didn't seem to mind—or notice?—that he stopped asking to join them. After that he simply drifted between whoever had time for him. Especially when night came, they no longer crowded a bed. They don't have one big enough for the seven of them. They kept meaning to custom order one but they forgot. They would split off each night into pairings, Jungkook bouncing between them.
He used to try his luck to score a solo date with any of his six boyfriends, though he does not really do this anymore. He is tired of trying. Because when he did, he would only receive a 'sorry Kookie, I promised so-and-so that I would take him'. And, every time he managed to score what he thought would be a solo date, it would become a three-way date. Like that one time Seokjin had asked him to go to the movies, which came to a surprise to Jungkook. Seokjin is the type to prefer arcades to movie theaters. Back then he remembered that Yoongi loved movie theaters, that should have been the first clue. As they got closer to the car, the second clue should have been the familiar mop of white hair sat in the drivers seat. But it isn't uncommon for others to drop pairings off for their date, Jungkook helped out all the time. Before they had arrived at the movie theater, Seokjin had asked what Jungkook wanted to watch. He suggested a horror movie that recently released. Seokjin disliked scary movies, yes, but he had never denied Jungkook's movie choice before. And he also liked how Seokjin would use his arm to hide behind.
This time though, his face scrunched up cutely and he said, 'Yoongi doesn't like horror movies either, how about the three of us watch that new romance that came out instead? I heard it's great.' There were a few things that had ran through his head back then; one, did Seokjin not remember that Jungkook dislikes romance movies? Two, this clearly wasn't a date made for Jungkook in mind. And three, why did Seokjin ask for Jungkook's opinion if he was only going to consider Yoongi's taste in movies? Jungkook let these things fester and sour in his aching heart, even months down the line. Jungkook remembered the cinema had been packed while looking for seats; Jungkook ended up sitting alone when he realised the only seats left were in sets of two. He certainly was not going to sit on the floor. Seokjin had felt bad, but Jungkook reassured him he was fine sitting on his own. He wasn't, but Jungkook had been good at hiding his upset by that point.
He decided to watch the horror movie instead, neither of them had noticed him walk past towards the doors. He ended up back in seat as the credits were rolling, Seokjin and Yoongi sauntered over to collect him when the lights came on. If they noticed his absence they didn't say anything. After that, he chose to spend time with other's, except it had been the same there too. The excuses came quickly, frequently; 'sorry, a table for two has been reserved in advance for months, the restaurant will get pissy', 'I already watched that with so-and-so when it released', or 'you'll only be bored, if you come with us'. Only to seal it off every time with a 'next time, Jungkook. I promise.' Each blow left his heart cracking, but he always put his faith in their promises. Even when he knew those promises meant nothing to them.
Jungkook should probably cut them some slack, his boyfriends are really busy. Their jobs are stressful, they all travel further than Jungkook does for work, and sometimes, their schedules do not align for weeks. He won't blame them for that. He can't. He loves them too much to blame them for life getting in the way. But Jungkook's been busy too, he's been stressed out of his mind and not just because of work. Jungkook has noticed the lack of compromise, how could he not? When Namjoon cancelled his shift to stay home and look after Hoseok who fell sick with the common cold. Yet, a little while before that, when Jungkook had been sick—the sickest he'd ever been, vomiting everywhere—no one had been by his side.
Or, how Jimin always receives free tickets for his performance shows that are always sold out in the first ten minutes, and how they always end up with Taehyung and Hoseok, or Taehyung and Namjoon, or Seokjin and Yoongi. And never Jungkook, even though he always begs to go. Jimin and the others always tell him 'next time, you'll go'. But next time never comes. Jungkook can't blame them for that completely, sometimes he has to stay overtime at work. Other times, they decide who goes when Jungkook is not there and Jungkook misses out because 'first come, first served'. It's only fair right? But every time, he thought that maybe they'd recall how he had desperately wanted to go, or that they'd wait on him before deciding. Every time he comes home to be disappointed, but the others never comment on it.
Most days Jungkook feels like he is not a forethought for them. Like he's something that belongs in the background to be forgotten about. That's why all their promises fall flat, they hadn't actually meant it—simply, its their way of consoling Jungkook, empty promises. Like when you console a child in the hopes they would stop crying, or throwing a tantrum. Jungkook often wonders if they love him? He definitely knows they used to, but do they still love him right now? And is this love as a boyfriend? He cannot say for sure, but it feels less than what it used to be.
They still gave him affection; soft kisses on the cheek, hand holding, and they would take turns letting him sleep beside them on lonelier nights. But it never felt enough. After a year of trying, Jungkook made the decision to avoid all dates except group dates with all seven of them. These dates happen on rare schedule alignments, but Jungkook adores those moments the best. It's the only time he feels truly, completely loved.
Seokjin will feed his boyfriends a home cooked meal, always filling Jungkook's plate with extra. More often than not, Jungkook will sit between Yoongi's legs. The older will stroke his hair, just the way Jungkook likes it. Taehyung will lay across their laps, and demand Jungkook to strum his fingers through his hair. Jungkook does, he always listens to his boyfriends. They'd listen to Jimin sing and watch Hoseok dance to the soft melody, then Namjoon would awkwardly pop n lock and the room will erupt into laughter. The rest of the night is either board games or movies. He can never decide which he prefers they both have their charms.
On movie nights, his boyfriends would squeeze themselves on the long couch. Its never long enough for seven, so there'd often be two people sitting on someone's lap. There'd be blankets, and snacks, and soft cuddles, and sweet kisses all-over. Jungkook loves movie nights. And on board game nights, they'd crowd around the kitchen table, legs tangled together, blankets draping over their laps. You'd never know whose limbs belonged to who. There'd be laughter, and fun, and jokes. There's chaos too, lots of chaos. They'd stay up late, losing track of time, then they'd pull out two blow-up mattresses and cuddle tightly. The youngest three always cocooned in the middle. Jungkook wishes they could sleep like that every night.
Just wishful thinking, though. Jungkook knows it won't happen anytime soon. Lately Jungkook has been sleeping in the master bedroom alone. The house now has four bedrooms; since they became seven the master bedroom is rarely used, and the rooms that used to be for specific activities became bedrooms. Though, on late nights after work, Jungkook would curl up on the bed alone, not wanting to disturb the others. But these dates happened once every five months if they were lucky. They were due one in a month or so, actually.
Anyway, after stepping away from the messy dating routine, Jungkook threw himself into working instead. He became busier because that became the easiest way to reject his boyfriends attempts to make him third wheel—when they realised he's not seeking him out like before. Of course they don't think this way, but Jungkook's still sour about the whole thing. Their meaning is well-intended but Jungkook's been hurt enough. He tried talking to them about it, but they brushed him off with more false promises. So he picked up longer shifts, the only benefit being that he's making more money. And though, every shift makes him want to quit, he powers through because its the only consistent thing in his life. However lately, the world has been testing him, more than normal. Work is hectic, the clients are nut jobs throwing money about and his boss is a narcissistic douche bag. Sometimes Jungkook's not able to prepare himself for a terrible day at work.
Like tonight.
Jungkook's had the shittiest day at work, the elevator broke so he had to climb the stairs to the tenth floor. Had been five minutes late because of it, causing his boss to scold him for another ten. Sure thing, next time the elevator breaks down I'll throw my resignation at your ugly mug. Jungkook felt better after thinking that. His day had been looking up until he spills his coffee all over his pristine white collar shirt. Then he got yelled at by a client, who can't make up their mind. Had to redraft a new plan because of said client, who left grouchy. Jungkook delivered the new plan to the department head next door, just to be scolded once again for something out of his control. He could only grit his teeth and nod. The rest of his day had been less chaotic, but still stressful. He just wanted to go home and cry the entire time. But he used the time to finish drafting unfinished projects until 7 pm.
Thankfully, his blessing is finally answered, and the time to clock out has him bolting down the stairs—elevator still broken. The ride home is short, like always. Jungkook practically races towards the house, for much needed cuddles. He realises everyone's home as he hangs his keys, noting their shoes docked away neatly. His heart lurches happily at the discovery. He calls out an 'I'm home', no one responds—not unusual. He walks down the hallway towards the soft noises of the TV, getting louder with every step. Jungkook glances left seeing them all sprawled on the blow-up mattresses.
He smiles softly at the cute sight, wanting nothing more than to join them. He turns to walk towards them until he spots the dinning room table hidden just behind the hallway wall. On the table, six food-scraped plates remained next to empty wine glasses, empty food containers that once held warm home cooked meals, and an open wine bottle—the brand the one they only open on exclusive date nights for the seven of them.
His heart sinks into his stomach, and he wonders if he missed the memo of date night. They won't be angry at him will they? He hopes not. He checks his phone and finds no notifications about it, he quietly turns back and heads into the kitchen in the opposite direction of the living room. The fridge schedule is empty too. Jungkook begins to have an inkling that this had been something impromptu. Had they expected Jungkook home earlier? Jungkook checks the kitchen for anything that could hint that they had been waiting on him, you know spare food or cutlery but finds nothing. Jungkook had long learnt not to get upset at not being invited to date night—generally, never more than four at a time, otherwise they might as well wait for all of them to be available.
Still, something about it tonight made his heart feel iffy. Why hadn't they told him about it? They even cracked open their special date night wine. This screamed something wrong to him. Did he do something wrong?
His thinking is interrupted by the song 'Baby One More Time' by Britney Spears echoes from the speaker, drawing his attention. He turns to the screen, watching it for a minute, and notices that the movie they're watching is something he recognised—and not in the good 'i have watched this thousands of times' way, but more of a 'this just released' kinda way. Jungkook had raved for weeks about wanting to watch 'Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse ' with everyone when it releases digitally. Jungkook's eyes start burning, tears springing up in the corners. They were watching it without him. At that realisation he stands there, silent tears falling onto his cheeks. Stays there for a while, just staring at the TV and his boyfriends—who were too enamoured by the movie, or with each other, to notice their youngest lover nursing a broken heart just meters behind them.
Turns out, rushing home had been one of the worst things Jungkook had ever done. He had wanted cuddles, and now he needs extra cuddles just to cope with this betrayal. But he knows now that he won't get either, and he's not going to bother begging for their affection. His pride has been beaten down enough. Jungkook thinks he wants to leave—honestly, not really—but he's going to. He doesn't want to be pushed around like this, not anymore. It had been complicated enough before, but now its worse. He's sick and tired of not being considered in their relationship. He quietly walks away down the hallway, not bothering to wipe his tears or his snotty nose. He climbs the stairs, each step pulling at his heavy muscles. He stiffly walks to the master bedroom and begins collecting his large suitcase stored in the closet.
He begins emptying his dresser and packing his clothes, he looks towards the laundry basket and contemplates whether he should sort through it. There isn't anything important inside though. He eyes catch on his favourite photo frame by the bed and considers taking the photo, too. But decides against doing both. He walks to the attached bathroom and grabs all his essentials and stuffed them in the suitcase, instead. The suitcase couldn't fit much else after that, but Jungkook has a lot of clothes. In fact, he has a lot of stuff; shoes, games, comics, gym equipment, the list goes on. All of which were littered around the house. After all, he thought he will never leave. Now, he has to be smart with what he can take, he won't be coming back for the rest. One by one, he packs six duffel bags with stuff from several rooms. Jungkook could still hear the movie going off downstairs, another loud song—not once had anyone checked to see if he is home. Their date much more important.
He distracts himself with stripping the bed to stop the ebbing, depressing thoughts. Besides he can't just leave dirty sheets on the bed. Once he finishes up, he begins to carry his luggage down the stairs two duffel bags at a time placing them by the door. Eventually, all that remains is his suitcase. Jungkook softly groans, maybe he should have brought it down first? He needs a moment to gather the energy to want to carry that heavy thing down. Instead, he reaches for his car keys—eyes landing on the house key hidden behind several key chains given to him by each of his boyfriends. Jungkook thinks it best to start loading the car. He opens the front door, using one of his bags to keep it still.
The cold wind nipping at his cheeks. He hears the familiar beep of his jeep, and treks over with two duffel bags and starts loading. He keeps this up until all that remains is the last duffel bag holding the door open. He decides its time to tackle his suitcase and leave the duffel bag last. He heads upstairs, his keys jingle with each step. He should remove the house key before he forgets, he shimmies it off the stacked key ring and places it gently on the night stand by the frame—fingers lingering momentarily longer than planned. With his bottom lip tucked between his lips, he turns to his suitcase. He seals it shut, and heaves it onto its wheels. A little winded, three huffs leave his lips as Jungkook rolls it to the top of the stairs.
With one hand on the rail and the other gripping the horizontal handle he descends a step forward. The weight is awkwardly shifting side to side with each step, arm muscles tensing tightly. Everything has been going great; mostly quiet. Until he slips on shirt that had been left on one of the steps, he had been so focused on the suitcase that he didn't see it. Jungkook manages to catch himself, but in order to do that he needed both hands. The suitcase slips from his grasp and tumbles loudly down the stairs.
It had only been seven steps worth, but it had been obnoxiously loud. Jungkook hurriedly gathers himself and reaches the bottom too. His eyes drift to the hallway, still empty, and then back to his suitcase laying across the floor. He crouches with proper form to lift the suitcase upright, last thing he needs is to pull his back tonight. He takes a second to catch his breath before moving towards the front door.
"Jungkookie, you're home!" A voice rears the corner, bouncing off the walls.
Its Hoseok. He's the first to come down the hallway, Jungkook scolds himself for being so clumsy. He can't find it within himself to respond to the happy man, a ball of spit stuck in his throat. Instead he keeps rolling his suitcase out the door, and towards his boot. Hoseok follows him out as Taehyung, Yoongi and Jimin round the corner of the hallway together. Curiosity got the better of them. Soon the four of them stand side by side out front, watching him lift his heavy suitcase and slide it into his car. When Jungkook notices them, he thinks that the other two will be out shortly. With that in mind, he should hurry up and grab the last bag.
Maybe Hoseok thought Jungkook hadn't heard him the first time, so he tries speaking to him again as Jungkook gets closer. This time, however, a soft concern laced his tone. "Jungkookie, you going on a trip?"
Jungkook didn't have it in him to ignore him twice, not with an audience. Besides, he's finding it hard to stay mad at Hoseok. The guy's literally an angel. "...No."
Hoseok seems confused, all four of them did. "Then, where are you going this late?"
Jungkook hesitates, barely a second, but long enough for the others to notice. "...Just somewhere."
He sidesteps around the others and leans down to grab his last duffel bag. The door swings slightly, he leans behind the door handle to make sure it isn't locked—wouldn't want anyone to be locked out in this cold weather. Especially, Taehyung whose perceptible to the cold. He makes to step around the others just as Yoongi's delicate fingers wrap around his free arm. Jungkook tenses at the gentle touch. Yoongi narrows his eyes.
Too much too soon, Jungkook thinks. But he doesn't pull away.
"Leaving where exactly?" Yoongi pries.
Jungkook contemplates for a moment, he hasn't thought about where he'll go. A hotel? A friend's house? His parents place? Hm, probably his parents, but its a long drive from here. So, a hotel tonight, and his parents tomorrow. The others stay silent as the wind wrapped around them, looking at him with expectant eyes. It makes him feel mad, and the words slip out before he can chain them down. "Do I have to explain everything to you?"
Okay, Jungkook had not meant to say that. He does not think he can handle fighting, not tonight. He tries to not look guilty as Yoongi's eyes narrow on him immediately, behind him Taehyung and Jimin share a worry-filled glance, tens of silent words spoken between them. "What has gotten into you? I don't think its wrong for us to ask our boyfriend a simple question about him leaving at night."
Jungkook scoffs, a sarcastic laugh slipping through his lips. He pulls his arm free too, needing distance. "Oh? I'm your boyfriend? Wow, I didn't realised any of you remembered."
Jimin's voice softly breaks the tension, "is this...is this about tonight?"
Jungkook snaps the tension right back in place. "Oh about your little impromptu dinner date without me? No, not really. Why would you think that? Do I look that pathetic to care about a dinner date I wasn't invited to?"
Most definitely, Jungkook thinks. He knows they think so as well. They probably think he's just throwing a tantrum, that'll he'll leave for a little and come back. But they don't realise that he doesn't plan on coming back. The realisation makes Jungkook want to throw up, for the last seven years they have been all he knows—leaving meant throwing away everything. Can he really do that? Start over, without them?
"Okay, seriously, what has got your panties in a twist?" Yoongi is hard-core glaring now, and Jungkook's stomach twists guiltily at the gaze. But he refuses to cower. The other three seem to be shifting uncomfortably too, there hadn't been an argument in months.
"What's going on here?" Oh great, Seokjin and Namjoon are here. Now I have all of your attention? Jungkook's thoughts are bitter. Once he decides to leave for good, they decide to care? Jungkook's brows noticeably furrow at their arrival. No one says anything about it though. All of his boyfriends staring at his childish commotion. "Is everything okay? Oh, are you going somewhere?"
"Why do you care?" Jungkook breathes a broken sigh, and made to leave again. Yoongi immediately stops him, blocking his path. Jungkook slouches, the movement showcasing how tired he really feels. Yoongi lowers his arms.
"Seriously Jungkook, what's wrong?"
Jungkook lifts a hand to rub his forehead, he's so tired. He has to bite his lips to stop the sob from slipping. He probably looks like shit, they all look concerned. Seokjin brushes his hand over Jungkook's shoulder blade, Jungkook's brows crease at the ripples it sends to his stomach.
"Jungkook, baby, what's wrong? Won't you tell us what's wrong?"
He hates that he feels himself giving into Seokjin's soft tone. Maybe he should just be honest and stop avoiding it..?
A sob breaks through before a single word forms. "You don't love me anymore—none of you do, that's what's wrong."
The silence that falls doesn't last very long. Seokjin speaks up, all gentle, and Yoongi's angry tone follows after.
"What, why do you think that?"
"Jungkook, you're being ridiculous. Of course, we love you!"
Jungkook bites his lip, how is he being ridiculous? He's lonely and stressed and tired and hurting. He's waited long enough, he needs to move on.
"Oh I'm being ridiculous?" He scoffs, miserable in entirety. "Do any of you realise how lonely I've been? How stressed I am because of us? No, you wouldn't have. You don't have time for me anymore."
"We've been making time for everyone!"
A humourless smile graces Jungkook's lips, eyes glinting almost spitefully. "Really? Then when's the last time you, any of you, went on a date with just me? Or, or just spent time with me?"
"Wh-what?" Hoseok whispers, confused and sad.
Jungkook wonders if they will be able to answer. "Who did I last have a solo date with? Do you know?"
His boyfriends seem taken aback, but all in deep thought. They were at least taking him seriously. Good, Jungkook thinks at first. But then minutes pass in silence and no answer has been given, Jungkook thinks, what good is taking me seriously now? Seems a little too late.
"No one, really?"
A gasp. Seokjin's brows furrow as he steps closer. "Jungkook, your last solo date was with me. I believe we went to the amusement park. Of course, I remember."
Jungkook sighs, almost relieved. Could he redeem this?
"Okay, and when was that exactly?"
Seokjin freezes, trying to think about it. The others watch in anticipation. It's clear where things are heading, at least Jungkook's intentions for packing up.
"I....uhm, a few months ago?"
Jungkook's hope falters. He knows he's pushing it, time is hard enough to recall without Jungkook forcing it out of them. But he's hurting, and they don't understand why. But 'a few months ago'? No, that hurts. They left him floating about unsure of where he stands in the relationship for two years. He's tired, and sick, and done with it. He should have been done with this a year ago. He's been too patient, too optimistic, and for what?
"No, a month... a month after we added Yoongi. That is the last time I went on a solo date with any of you. But did I once complain? No, instead I compromised and compromised, and every single time I was pushed aside with empty promises."
Namjoon speaks for the first time tonight, "...Two years? Why didn't you say something sooner?"
"You don't think I did? Whenever I brought it up, you all said the same thing. 'I'm sorry you feel that way, hyung will do better.' But, you'd go back to doing what you were before, you never took me seriously. Some of you weren't even listening, too busy to look me in the eyes while I expressed my concerns. None of you seriously don't remember me talking to you about it?" Jungkook tries to stop the fresh set of tears forming, the crack in his voice is not helping.
The others guilty avoid his direct line of sight. Jungkook continues, "Nothing changed, and I tried so hard, so many times. I changed methods. If you weren't going to make room for me like before, I'd make it myself. Even if it meant no more solo dates. But that didn't work either, you didn't want me intruding or it was too much of a hassle for you to rearrange your date plans for me to be involved. All I've been doing, when you allowed me to, is third wheel. I'd always leave wondering why I came in the first place. That's what I've been doing for the last two years, third wheeling my own boyfriends, because your all too self absorbed in each other to remember poor little Jungkook exists."
A sickening silence fills the space, no one says a word. Jungkook feels suffocated. Fuck, talking about it didn't make him feel better.
"...Do you really have nothing to say to me?"
"Jungkook... We're really sorry. How can we make this up to you? How can we fix this, fix us?"
Jungkook can not believe what he is hearing from Seokjin, of all people. The one person who knew Jungkook only had him, but still ditched him to hang out with Yoongi over him. Would it have hurt to just invite Jungkook along? Fuck. Jungkook feels a new round of tears dripping down his already wet cheeks, startling Seokjin who reaches back out to comfort him. Jungkook didn't know what over came him, but he slaps his oldest boyfriend's hand away. A warning as angry eyes locked on to the older man, who is standing there like a wounded puppy completely frozen. The slap surprises everyone.
"Now, you want to fix shit? You know what, fuck you. You have the balls to say that to me, when you forgot about me as soon as Yoongi came into the picture? I—wow. Two fucking years of my life wasted waiting around for this shit? For dates I'm not invited to, for nights spent alone in a room too big for one person, for you all to stand here and pretend like you haven't noticed me being excluded since we became seven. Oh, you were busy? Yeah well, so was I. But I still tried to make things work, I still made time for you all, even when you brushed me off with lame excuses. I never once made plans that excluded anyone. No. You don't just get to act like you suddenly care, and pretend to want to fix this when you don't. None of you do that much is clear!"
"Jungkook—"
"And don't even get me started on you, Namjoon. You abandoned the four of us when Hoseok came into the relationship, but at least we still had each other. It never became a problem because we all had someone by our side. Until Yoongi joined, then it's like you all forgot I was also your boyfriend. Am I really that unimportant to you? To all of you?"
Jungkook's bawling by this point, but getting this off his chest felt good. Jimin and Taehyung are holding each other with wet faces. Hoseok looks guilty as if all the signs leading up to this moment are flashing before his eyes. Yoongi's standing off to the side, guilty and shocked. Jungkook wonders if he felt the blame hit him harder, if he hadn't joined would this have happened? Jungkook had thought about this before, but he could not imagine this relationship without Yoongi in it. Which is crazy considering Jungkook has many memories for his imagination to feed off from when they were five or six. Despite feeling this way, he has never regretted adding Yoongi or Hoseok to their relationship. He loves them just as much as the other four. But he supposes that his love doesn't really matter now right? Everything is falling apart because of Jungkook ruining everything.
"Oh and about tonight, yeah I am fucking upset. I'm pissed, you all knew how much I fucking wanted to watch 'Scouts Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse' with you. But you couldn't even wait a little longer for me to come home before you started it? I'm always, always, home just after 7. I don't care that the six of you had a date without me, you do it more often than you'd like to admit to my face. I'm over being fucking hurt by it. But you could of, at least, had the decency to not watch the movie that I recommended, without me." Jungkook couldn't tell if he was even breathing properly, "and, and, is it so hard for someone to message me to grab dinner on the way home after? It's not like I'm expecting you to feed me after a long shitty day, but I never thought you'd be this blatant about it. Every other time, I was at least aware that I'd have to eat alone after work."
Jungkook feels his lungs straining, heart thumping crazy against his ribs. His chest heaving uncomfortably. Jungkook didn't dare to imagine how ugly his features were right now. He met eyes with each of his lovers, they were all crying now. Namjoon is holding Seokjin's hand. Jimin and Taehyung are by Hoseok's side, sandwiching him between them, the three are a sobbing mess. Yoongi maintains his distance where he stands, a single tear sliding down his cheeks.
Jungkook fucking hates himself for making them all cry. He hates that he didn't just wait until tomorrow when they are out of the house. He hates that he didn't pull a dickhead move and leave a note and never return. He hates that he couldn't just suck it up and watch them be happy. He is so sour and unhappy that he had ruin their happy little date, and instead break their hearts.
God, he's so pathetic. He fucking hates himself, yet it's too late to regret. He feels the fight starting to leave him, anger beginning to simmer as he watches their glossy eyes stare at him all sad and heartbroken. He feels small, he caused this.
Jungkook confesses, completely defeated. "You know... Even now, I don't regret staying because I still fucking love all of you so much. It's just lately there are days I miss the most from back when we were five. The days where we always made sure everyone was happy, and at the end of the night we'd cuddle in bed. No one was left out or ignored. We were all... so goddamn happy. I don't regret agreeing to add Hoseok or Yoongi, I just, I just wish that we kept things the same. That we actually bought that custom sized bed so we can cuddle at night. That we didn't split off into pairs. That we didn't have big groups dates that excluded someone. I just wish we tried harder to maintain a healthy relationship between all seven of us. But its too late now..."
He turns to leave, he's said a lot tonight. For the first time this evening, Taehyung voice cuts through the upset atmosphere. "Jungkook please don't go..." He pleads, voice light and croaky from crying.
Jungkook hates the fresh set of tears that form at the sound, let alone his words. He wish he could stay, but that would mean having no self-respect. Jungkook didn't bother facing him, opting to look at the stone pavement instead.
He sighs, a desperate plead. "Seriously... I'm so tired of this. Let's just, let's break up."
There he said it. He finally said it. Yet why does he feel so empty? Why isn't he happy? He just wants to be happy...
His words seem to shake them in entirety. His words made it real, for all seven of them. All of his boyfriends, he never expected Yoongi to break the silence, "...okay."
And with his agreement, of all things. Jungkook waits for any disagreements. There were none. Jungkook's heart twists feeling as if someone had just stabbed him with a dagger. Had it always been this easy for them to just let me go? He wonders.
If Jungkook would take a moment to actually look at the faces of the six men before him once more, he would find them a contorted crying mess of men. But he would see that this is tearing them apart too, none of them—not even Yoongi himself—agreed with breaking up. Yet, none spoke up to correct it. The realisation that Jungkook's suffered enough because of them is dread-inducing. To ask him to stay even after that would be much too cruel. If Jungkook's choosing to leave to be happy, how could they deny that? They didn't have the guts to deny him happiness.
"Thanks..?" He mumbles, more in shock from their agreeance.
Instead, they opt to silently watch Jungkook pull away from their huddled forms, and throw his final duffel bag in the boot. Jungkook knows he should feel relieved, they were letting him leave easily. They weren't guilt tripping him, or begging him to stay, or asking a billion and one questions. Though, Jungkook wishes that they would have put up a bit more of a fight. But he supposes that's quite hypocritical of him to think.
Jungkook's left feeling vulnerable and empty, having all his feelings and thoughts on show. He's already said so much, he might as well say the rest. "You know when I saw everyone's shoes at the front door, I was so happy. I saw you cuddling, and I wanted to join you. But when I realised that you were having a date without me, my heart felt strange. And that was the cherry on top of the shittiest day I've just had. I never thought it could get even shittier just by heading home." He pauses reaching for his boot door. "Still, thank you for being apart of my life for the last couple of years. I've learnt so many things, good and bad. I leave here knowing I won't make the mistakes you did. Do whatever with my remaining stuff, I don't care. Oh and, I hope you'll order that bed. I hope you'll stay as six and love each other furiously for all the times you couldn't love me, that's the only way I'll forgive you. That empty room needs some love too."
A sob leaves Seokjin's lips as his falls into Hoseok's embrace. Jungkook watches Jimin grab Yoongi's wrist pulling him closer. Taehyung now leaning against Namjoon. Jungkook no longer has a place there.
He breathes out a shaky sigh, then lets out a tired "farewell."
With his goodbye, Jungkook let his boot door click shut and quietly got in the drivers seat. In the side mirror, he sees the six of them huddling tightly together—tears streaking their cheeks, hands caressing another gently. Even in heartbreak, they still have no room for Jungkook. He turns the key, hearing the engine roar. Without looking back, he drove off with no clear direction set. He must have driven for ten minutes before he has to pull over to cry, eyes blurry and unfocused. He heaves and heaves, heart cracking with every inhale. He sits there for nearly an hour letting reality sink in. He roughly wipes his cheeks with his sleeve before he straightens up and continues driving to a nearby hotel.
There is no going back.
Jungkook never had that as an option.