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For Kei's first birthday after he and Kuroo got together, his boyfriend didn't get him a cake. Oh, no. Instead, he built him a cake machine - Cakinator 2000 as he called it, the dork. It wasn't long after he was first recognized as an inventor and (self proclaimed mad scientist), and even Kei could understand the need he felt to name his creations ridiculous names, so he didn't say anything. He did make a face, though.
The idea was simple - to put in all the needed ingredients in their respective places, press the start button, and 45 minutes later you have yourself a surprisingly decent strawberry shortcake. While the idea did sound great at first, after a week of eating nothing but cake, even Tsukishima agreed, however reluctantly, that it was for the best to throw it away, even if Tetsurou swore he'd love him even if he was fat.
Five days prior to their first anniversary, Tetsurou told him he had a surprise, and asked Kei not to plan anything. Said he'd take care of everything. It did sound suspicious, but curiosity got the better of the blond and he agreed. Kuroo took him with his new aircraft to watch the concert of his favorite band that he complained he couldn't get tickets to a few weeks ago. They had an amazing view, the sound from that height was amazing, without all the screaming people on the ground... Kei was so touched that he decided he'd suck Kuroo off so hard later it'll leave a hickey on his balls.
Unfortunately for Kuroo's balls, they never finished the concert. Apparently, it was very illegal to fly your unauthorized aircraft above public grounds, especially with thousands of people below, as some officer informed them through the radio communication thingy inside the vehicle. Something stupid about safety. And then there was the issue that they technically didn't even have tickets... Akaashi had to bail them out of arrest a couple hours later, but not before Kei hysterically cried that he can't go to prison because he's too pretty and will get raped for sure. Needless to say, there was no frisky time that night.
A few months before Kei's twenty second birthday, Kuroo got really into genetic modifying. This, combined with a remark the taller had commented about wanting a pet, resulted in a catastrophe. Tetsurou made him a kitten dragon. Why? Because fuck logic. And did Kuroo tell his boyfriend that he modified his kitten to be able to breath fire? Oh, no. He let him find out at 3 am when said boyfriend's house caught fire. True, they did end up living together as a result, but that was still pretty traumatic. At least he managed to get Spark on his way out of the house, so neither of them had a dead kitten dragon on their conscious. Kuroo unmodded him, and they kept him in their now shared home.
Learning from past experience, Kei decided to avoid another disaster and arrange their anniversaries from then on himself. Kuroo wasn't very hard to please; all he did was cook him breakfast while wearing nothing but an apron, thigh highs and the ridiculous(ly sexy, Kuroo said) lingerie his boyfriend once got him. Tetsurou started crying with bliss, clinging to him, and refusing to let him go for a good half an hour. Needless to say, there was a lot of frisky time that day. He made it into a tradition from then on, an arrangement both he and Kuroo were very pleased with.
However, there was nothing at all he could do to stop his boyfriend, Kuroo Tetsurou, known inventor, mad scientist and dorkiest man alive, from getting him presents and surprising him for his birthdays. Tetsurou would go further and further every year, and most of the time it backfired horribly.
As his 25th birthday was nearing, Kei tried dropping hints about wanting something small, simple, intimate... But all of those fell on deaf ears. He had no clue what Testsurou was planning, but he's been working on it for over a month, and keeping it a complete secret. When asked, all Tetsurou did was wink and tell him not to worry about it.
"Tetsu..." Kei said then in a warning tone.
"I swear you'll love it!" His boyfriend promised, a huge grin on his face, his eyes practically sparkling with excitement for whatever this was.
"Promise me you won't go too far this time." He pleaded, genuinely concerned for both their lives.
"I promise you won't have any complaints." Kuroo smoothly avoided the question, pressing a kiss to his cheek before heading off to his lab.
Kei sighed, knowing there is nothing he could do if Kuroo was dead set on whatever crazy idea he had in mind. He just hoped this year it'll be different. Maybe Tetsurou grew up a little. Maybe they'll just go somewhere relaxing and nice. Maybe there was nothing to worry about... Oh, how wrong was he.
~
It hadn't actually been that hard to build a time machine, really, once he figured it out. He got the idea while reading the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy six weeks ago, and has been working on it ever since. All he had to do was calculate the possibility of him existing in the time he wanted to go back to, and put it into the Infinite Improbability drive. If they could do it for moving around space, why couldn't he do it to move around time? Well, turns out he can.
So no, the most difficult thing about time travel isn't figuring how to time travel in itself. Douglas was wrong when he claimed it's grammar as well. It's actually figuring out where you'd end up physically in the time you're planning to go back to. Earth might not even be where you expect it to and you'll end up in space. But that's the easier problem to solve, really, since its orbit around the sun is very predictable.
Small scale geography is more complicated to figure out. Where there's a hill today there might have been a pit years ago, then you'd fall. Where there was a pit, there might be a hill now, and when you'll go back, you'll be buried in the ground and die within minutes. There might have been an ocean where you're standing, depends on how far back you want to go. And Kuroo intends to go pretty far back.
Far enough to take his huge Dinosaur-nerd boyfriend to see some living ones. Real, live dinosaurs! Oh, he couldn't wait to see Kei's reaction. He'll be so charmed... So grateful... It'll totally make up for that time he got them arrested. And the time he burned his house down.
It was a great, bulletproof idea. Even Bokuto had said so, when Kuroo called to ask him about the plan. After giving it a second thought, Bokuto might not have been the best person to get relationship advice from, but... Well, he did get Akaashi Keiji, aka prettiest man alive (Well, second prettiest technically. There was a competition and he was chosen to represent Japan and ended up second place. Oikawa bitched about it for months, saying if they sent him he'd win.) to date him, and soon even to marry, so... maybe the giant goofball did know something.
In any case, Tetsurou himself thought it's the most genius idea he's ever had, and that says a lot from the man who invented the LazyRemote 3000. A TV remote that launches itself into your hand when you press a certain spot in your palm where a chip was planted under the skin. They relocated the chip after several... unfortunate accidents. Remote controls were hitting dicks, okay? Not his fault that some people liked to jerk off aggressively enough to activate it.
Kuroo was so deep in fantasies of teary-eyes, happy Tsukki that he completely startled when the tester came back a minute later. Letting out a quiet curse, he picked it up, frowning. No good. It was way off the ground when he sent it to. He set the time again, going in the usual 250 thousand years leap, and sent the tester on it's way.
In order to figure out when it'll be safe to travel to, Kuroo attached a camera to a small prototype of his time travel machine, and programmed the whole thing to go back, snap a couple pics and then return. He actually finished the time machine itself three weeks ago, but the testing took longer than he expected.
He went in leaps of 250 thousand years, and if something around looked promising, he slowed down and searched around that time for a while. It took him a few minutes to set up the entire thing each test, then it took exactly four minutes and two seconds for the tester to come back. He wasn't sure why the leap happened yet, but he assumed it was either a very small fuckup in his algorithm, or just general unknown effects of the space time continuum. It could equally be any other impressive sounding bullshit, really. But since the leap didn't seem to effect anything of importance, so he didn't bother figuring it out yet.
He had more important things to do. Like finding the perfect time to bring his boyfriend to. Oh, and make a strawberry shortcake, too, of course. And by that, he meant put the ingredients into the Cakinator 2000 that he totally threw away like he told Kei... Except he kept it in his lab. It was good to have it around in case he needed to suck up to Kei for one reason or another.
He only had three more days... just three more days, and he couldn't find the right time to go back to yet. If only he didn't have to worry about where they'll end up physically...
And then it hit him.
He didn't have to.
How could he be so stupid?
He modified the Drive to travel through time, but completely forgot its original use. To travel through space.
Excited, he changed his algorithm a little and added a few modifications to the machine... He got it right on the third try.
He spent another couple hours finding a perfect spot: a beautiful green valley, littered with patches of prehistoric flowers and scattered with tall trees. He even saw some dino-birds flying around when he went back himself to scout the area.
And that was it. All was ready, just in time.
Douglas was right after all. The hardest thing about time travel really is grammar.
~
"Is that a blindfold?" Tsukishima raised an eyebrow at the red piece of cloth Kuroo was currently holding. "We already have one, and if you wanted to do bondage again you could have just said so."
They were sitting inside their car, Kuroo's "CatMobile" as he called it (he liked to think of himself as Batman, except he liked cats way more). The only piece of information he managed to get out of his boyfriend was that they were going for a picnic. It sounded way too simple, which naturaly made him suspicious.
He believed it a little more when he saw the cheesy picnic basket Kuroo put in the back seat. He even got a red and white cube blanket to cover it for fuck's sake. It was too cute, and although he expressed disdain towards the basket, he actually kind of liked it. It was the kind of small detail romantic shit Kuroo would always pay attention to, and even if he'd never say it out loud, it was very endearing.
"As much as I appreciate the fact that your first association to a blindfold is mind blowing sex," Kuroo smirked slightly, Kei only rolled his eyes, "It's not the case. When-" he realized what he said and quickly corrected himself, "Where we're going is a secret." He winked at him. He thought he covered his slip up pretty well, and it didn't seem Kei noticed anything. He did a marvelous job of keeping it a secret, just so the other wouldn't suspect anything. Well, he did a marvelous job keeping it a secret from Kei specifically, actually. He boasted to pretty much everyone else he knew about this.
"But do I have to wear it for the whole ride?" The blond crinkled his nose. He didn't particularly like wearing it, with the obvious exception of being in the same bed as Kuroo and naked.
"Yes. It's very crucial." Because the perceptive Kei would definitely figure out they're going to his lab, and then he'll refuse to cooperate and Kuroo can't let that happen.
"Ugh. Fine." The blond surrendered after a short staring contest, and replaced his glasses with the blindfold. "But I swear, Tetsu, if this is actually another surprise party and the picnic bag is just a deception, I'll choke you to death with this very blindfold. You know I hate surprise parties." He turned his head to face his boyfriend as he spoke, even though he couldn't actually see him.
The dark haired man knew this fact very well. He tried throwing one of those two years ago, and even went as far as to invite anyone whom he thought Kei might still be in contact with. When they all jumped and yelled surprise when he entered through the door, Kei stared for a moment, muttered a "Nope." and left, just like that.
Surrounded by only darkness, the blond tried to guess where they were going by the noises around them, but it was difficult when Tetsurou kept making small talk, telling him a story he heard at least 20 time about another one of the times "Bokuto and I...". After what he estimated to be about 10 minutes, the car slowed down then stopped, and the engine was turned off.
"We're already here?" He frowned, turning his head in Kuroo's direction. "That didn't take long... What are the places in this radius.... Akiteru? No, he's at least 20 minutes away... That park with the fountain? No, no, it's barely a 5 minutes walk, too close..." He mumbled his thoughts to himself, deep in calculations when a hand on his thigh startled him.
"Babe, stop trying to figure it out. Just trust me, okay?" Tetsurou's deep voice was close to him, close enough he could feel his breath on his face before a kiss was pressed to his lips. He kissed back, but broke it off quickly. They had done enough blindfold play for him to get horny if they do anything even remotely sexual while he wore it.
He heard the other chuckle, then felt as he shifted and got out of the car. He fumbled to find the handle on his side to get out, but Kuroo was already there, taking hold of his hand to help him stand up then hip to guide him while they walk. "All good?" he asked, and Kei answered with a nod.
The walk outside wasn't long, and then they entered some sort of building that had a strong AC. It smelled clean, sterilized clean even. He'd have thought this was a hospital if it wasn't so quiet. He had no clue where they might be.
"Careful here..." Kuroo gently guided him, making often turns. "Almost there, just climb these few stairs here..." He mumbled, and Kei could hear the excitement in his voice. He was getting excited himself now, the anticipation to know what Kuroo had in stall for him overshadowing any worries at the moment.
They climbed the stairs into what felt like another, smaller room. He guessed it was some sort of vehicle, maybe a new, upgraded aircraft? It would make sense, if he wanted to take him somewhere, that would be the fastest way. Kuroo then let go of him to start clicking some buttons, promising it'd only take a moment. Whatever he was in was brought to life, making various mechanical noises. He was about to ask what will take a moment when it happened.
Suddenly, he didn't exist anymore. And then he was there again, but all wrong. He was empty space, then matter, but it was the wrong matter. He couldn't think, because he had no brain. Couldn't feel, because he had no nerves. Couldn't move, because he had no body, or his body wasn't his. He couldn't tell. All he had was a very vague knowledge that he exists, though he had no idea how or what or why. The feeling only lasted a second, or a century, or an entire eternity. he couldn't tell. But just as abruptly as it started, the sensation ceased.
He was back to himself, gasping for air, shaking slightly out of shock. He tore the blindfold off his face, and looked up at Kuroo. Way up. That was wrong. looked down, and realized he had crumbled to the floor. His vision was blurry. For a second he thought it was because of what he experienced, but then he realized he just wasn't wearing his glasses. He started looking around on the floor for them, but his view was blocked by a still blurry Kuroo.
"Shit, Tsukki, are you alright?" His boyfriend was at his level in a second, looking worried.
"My glasses..." he mumbled.
Tetsurou spotted them in a second, reached out to retrieve them and handed them over to the blond.
He took his time before speaking again, looking at him with wide eyes. "What /was/ that?"
"Erm, it'll be easier if I just show you, I think." Kuroo scratched the back of his head. "I was weirded out by... that feeling... the first few times I experienced it as well." He assured him it was normal.
"The first few times...?" Gold eyes narrowed at him.
"You'll understand soon, I swear! Let's just go outside, yeah?" Tetsurou's easy grin and relaxed tone did their intended work. He managed to take a deep breath and stand up with boyfriend's help. Glancing around him, he found out it was indeed, the aircraft. But it seemed a little different. Where there were once seats, now lay more control panels and cables running from side to side.
He had so many questions about the entire ordeal, but he pushed them down and walked to the door instead, already having decided to trust his boyfriend for him. He pushed the button on the wall, and it opened outwards, creating strairs for them to climb down. It was bright outside, brighter than the cloudy late September autumn day they left behind.
Once his eyes got used to the strong light, which took a few moments of blinking thanks to the dark he was in for the last half an hour at least, he peaked outside. And gaped.
They were in a large valley littered with colored flowers and other plants and tall, scarce trees. But his mind barely registered any of those.
He could only stare at a long necked, long tailed dinosaur munching on one of the trees. His brain supplied the possible name for him - very likely some type of sauropod, and if he could get a closer look than maybe he could determine exactly what kind it was...
Kuroo's hand wrapped around his own, and his head whipped down to look at it. He thought he was dreaming, or hallucinating, but his warm palm seemed pretty real. The basket was held in the second tan hand, on the other side of his body. "Cool, isn't it?"
"Pretty... Pretty cool." Kei weakly repeated after him. The warm hand squeezed his, and he blinked hard. "What... What is this place? where are we?" He asked, still unsure what exactly is happening.
He concluded it probably wasn't a dream, he could think clearly, and nothing around him was vague. Beside, every time he was close to being aware while dreaming, he woke up. And since he didn't wake up, it wasn't a dream.
Beside him, Tetsurou smiled one of his wide, real smiles, not his regular shit eating grin. "Not "where", "when". Time travel grammar," He commented offhandedly. "You know how I've always wanted to try it? So I figured it out a while ago." He sounded almost shy as he said it, waiting for Kei's reaction.
The blond stared at him with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth, then at the sauropod, and back at him.
Kuroo was just about to ask him what was wrong, but before he could, thin yet strong arms wrapped around him in a tight hug, and a shaky "Thank you" was whispered into his ear.
Kei couldn't let his boyfriend see how he was moved to tears, so he clung close to him for a while before pulling back. "This is amazing, Tetsu. I don't even... know what to say..." his expression was a mix of soft wonder and gratitude.
Kuroo's eyes sparkled back at him as he said, "Just seeing you happy makes me happy, babe. Happy birthday." Finally, he got it right.
Even Kei couldn't contain himself in the face of a surprise of this magnitude, and he jumped back on Kuroo, pressing their lips together and kissing the shit out of him.
"Shall we?" The older gestured towards the green sea when they finally parted, and Kei nodded along, still unable to wipe the wondrous smile off his lips.
They ate sandwiches and cake and strolled around, though at a safe distance from anything that could possibly crush them without even noticing. The pre historic views were amazing, and Kuroo not only tolerated but even enjoyed all of the nerdy talk about Dinosaurs. When they were right in front of him, it was actually kind of interesting.
By the time they decided to go back (though Kei made him promise they'll return tomorrow with some equipment to take samples), the blond was thoroughly charmed. It was sure they'll have lots of frisky time that night.
This time, he knew that the sensation would come and braced himself for it... and braced himself... and braced himself... and it never came. "Tetsu?" He asked after a couple of minutes when the other typed away on a few of the keyboards.
"Just a few more minutes babe," he said casually. A bit too casually? Forcing his paranoia down, Kei hummed in response, telling himself to be patient.
When it had been at least ten minutes, and he was absolutely certain that he wasn't imagining the tension in Kuroo's shoulders, he quietly asked, "Everything okay?"
Kuroo gave a weird muffled high note sound that sounded suspiciously close to the sound the Pterodactyl (His best guess for the flying creature) they saw earlier made. "Just... a few more minutes..." he mumbled weakly.
"Right." Honest to God, he tried to keep his voice neutral. He really did try. But all that came out was a skeptic, passive agressive everything-better-be-fine mixed with some neither-of-us-want-to-know-what-will-happen-if-something-is-wrong.
The sound of Tetsurou swallowing was audible. After a few more minutes he finally turned to him, his face a mask of misery. "Babe... I don't know what's wrong, I'm so sorry, I'm sure I can fix it but I'll need more time..." he said, flinching in front of Kei's frozen face.
"But... It's definitely fixable, right?"
"Well... if some hardware burned... I don't know if I could... replace it... very easily..." Kuroo admitted. He could never lie to Kei, not even a white lie. When he got together with the the blond, he was very aware that one of the most important things to him, if not the most important, was trust. He never lied to him and never will.
"Kuroo." Kei started, his tone supposedly calm, but Kuroo knew better. He knew this tone. This was his you-might-want-to-start-running-away-now-because-I-will-kill-you tone.
And he would have ran away, if he had any place to go in this pre-historic world. Back at home, in their own time, he would have considered Kei the most pressing danger at the moment, with his eyes narrowed to cracks and hands curling at his sides. But here? With the wild, raw roar that they heard earlier that definitely belonged to a T-rex no matter what Kei had said? No, he would take his chances here, thank you very much.
"Yes, love?" The older tried, his voice extra honey. He knew sweet talking his lover only ever worked when he was drunk, but... He had nothing to lose here.
"Tell me you didn't get us stuck back here when there are living, breathing T-rexs and fucking raptors and we could get eaten or stomped on." The blonde's voice had a slight tremble to it now. Not of fear, as one might suspect. This was definitely, undoubtedly stress induced anger.
"I didn't?" Kuroo visibly winced. "I brought us back to when dinosaurs exist because... You really like them? And it would be a really cool date? And then... We... Ran into some unexpected troubles." His tone kept rising at the end of the sentences, turning them into hesitant questions as he proposed an alternate explanation to the situation.
"Yeah! For sure! Getting eaten alive would be an amazing date! A really great story to tell our grandchildren - oh wait, we won't have any, because we'd be fucking dead!" Kei used his long practiced sarcastic tone for this, and after spending a considerable amount his life perfecting it, his voice was dripping venom.
His head was spinning, he couldn't believe this. He's knew this would be a bad idea, his birthday must have a jinx on it, and he shouldn't have agreed to come and now he'll never see his family and friends again... Never see Akiteru, or Tadashi, or Hinata... Well, the last one didn't seem so bad, actually. He could probably live with that.
"We won't get eaten alive, my aircraft has really strong windshields- oh wait I had to remove them when I modded it for time travel." He remembered halfway and couldn't stop himself from voicing his thoughts.
"Not. Helping." The blond muttered, jaws barely moving as he spoke.
"Sorry," His boyfriend flinched.
Rage, frustration and despair fought over the control on Kei's expression as the silence stretched on. He looked constipated for the most part, but at last it seemed frustration with a bit of rage won over him.
"Oh my god! When you said we're going to have a picnic, I thought it would be on the beach! Or in a park! Not-" Kei stopped because he just realized what he said, and so did Tetsurou. His boyfriend opened his mouth to speak, but he raised his hand sharply to silence him before he could say anything. "Don't. Tetsu. Don't say it." He warned him.
The face attached to the bedhair turned soft, twisting into an apologetic expression. "I have to, babe..." he whispered. "Because we /are/ in a park." He raised his voice a little, expression sliding into the self satisfied smirk he always had when he made puns. Kei knew what was going to come and braced himself for the cringe that'll come soon. "/Jurassic/ Park." Kuroo finished. The blond almost expected fake-talk-show-laugh in the silence that followed.
"That was so gross. I hate you." He said simply, quietly, closing his eyes in defeat. He was scared that if he opened them, Kuroo would stand in front of him, pointing finger guns at him. He didn't think he could handle that at the moment. "This isn't even the Jurassic period you dumbass, the plants and the pterosaus we saw are clearly from the Cretaceous period." He mumbled, a pained expression on his features, slowly crumbling to sit on the metal floor of the craft, his hands limp at his sides.
What was even the point? They're going to spend the rest of their (probably short) lives here. They'll get eaten, or crushed, or die because they ate something their digestive systems can't handle. There were so many options, all equally horrible. Well, maybe some researcher will find their bones and it'll confuse the fuck out of everyone... That'll be a good way to die. He snorted, then burst into a short, though hysteric sounding laugh.
"Hey, are you alright?" He heard the worry in Kuroo's tone, then felt him close in front of him. Two warm, familiar hands took his more slender one between them.
"How... How did you even manage to build a time machine but couldn't use your common sense to take some precautions so we wouldn't get stuck here... How could you be such a genius but so godamn stupid..." his eyes were still closed (perhaps thinking that if he doesn't open them the nightmare will go away), hand limp in Kuroo's grip.
"Just because someone is smart doesn't mean they're wise, I guess." Kuroo shrugged even though the gesture was wasted on the blond who couldn't see it.
"That was kind of wise just now." The gold eyes finally opened again, and Kuroo recognized stability in there. That was good.
"Thanks." He leaned in to press a quick, chaste kiss to his lips, which seemed to ground his boyfriend even more.
Kei took a deep breath and squeezed the hand holding his a bit. "You're still fucking stupid and you better fix the stupid fuckinf thing before something kills us." He warned.
"Yeah, for sure." He promised. "Now, before, I heard you saying something about planning grandchildren...?" Kuroo grinned at him.
The taller grimaced, pulling his hand back, quickly standing up with his back to Tetsurou. "Just fix the damn thing." He fixed his glasses, a gesture Kuroo already knew to be equal to fidgeting when his boyfriend did it.
"Yes, sir." He chuckled, standing up and going to scan over the systems and the hardware again to try and find what's wrong.
~
"You hear that, Tsukki?" Kuroo mumbled against his ear from his place cuddled behind him. "The beautiful sounds of everything around us trying to get laid."
They were curled together near the fire they built earlier, Tsukishima sitting in Kuroo's lap, his strong arms laid across his stomach. It was their second night out, and Kei's despair was winning over again when few hours ago Tetsurou announced he knew what the problem was. He claimed to fixed it, but said they had to charge some battery thing tomorrow with solar energy before they can go back.
Yesterday they slept inside the aircraft and it was terrible. Cold and extremely uncomfortable. Except for that one roar the first day, they didn't see or hear anything that might be after their flesh, so they decided to camp outside. They curled together under the red and white blanket, munching on the supply of abandoned energy bars they found in the craft. They weren't sure exactly how long they had been laying there, but that didn't carry much significance when you were hungry. Luckily, they found plenty water bottles as well. Kuroo claimed he put all the supply there in case of a zombie apocalypse, but Kei had a strong suspicion the other was only saying it to say cool.
"I hope you realize that A. Not going to happen, and B. Not every sound an animal makes is a mating call. They do try to get food. They do get territorial, and might be trying to intimidate something else. And what about hive type creatures? None of them will get laid beside a handful." Kei mumbled, trying to get cozy but not rub back on Kuroo too much. He really doesn't want to deal with him horny right now.
But apparently Tetsurou had other plans. "Ohh, yeah, baby, talk nerdy to me," he purred into his ear.
The blond whipped his hand back to smack the the pile of bedhair, quietly whispering, "Tetsu, I told you we should be quiet. We don't want to attract anything, remember? That's why we couldn't build a fire." The night was warm enough to manage without it anyway. "So if you don't want to be a meat eating chicken's midnight snack, I suggest we keep quiet." He left out exact dinosaur types both because the words wouldn't mean anything to Kuroo, and because... Well... Maybe talking nerdy to Kuroo was a bad idea if his goal was to not get him horny.
"Oh, that won't be a problem. We can keep quiet, right?" Kei could not only hear the smirk in his voice, but feel it, deep in his soul. He shuddered. From the cold, he told himself, not the fact Kuroo's voice was deep and honey covered. Not at all. Familiar fingers somehow slipped under his shirt without him noticing, dragging painfully slowly along his lower abdomen, just above his boxers.
Instinctively, he shied away from the touch, hips rolling backwards. Right into Tetsurou's hard on. Not much better. He let out a soft gasp, muttering, "Tetsu. Stop it." But his tone had no bite to it. Godamn Kuroo. He knew all his buttons, and exactly how hard he needs to push them to turn him on.
"Hmmm... but you smell so good." He pressed his nose into soft curls of blond hair, inhaling audibly. Underneath his shirt, Kei felt the big hands roaming his pale skin, occasionally rubbing a nipple.
"That's gross." He said. /That's hot/, he thought.
Still uncertain he'd allow what Tetsurou was planning, Kei hummed, marvelling in the attention he received.
"You say that, but you're getting pretty turned on yourself, hmm?" One of the hands had travelled down to palm his half hard cock through his jeans, and he arched back into the toned body behind him with a small whine.
It seemed enough confirmation for Tetsurou who quickly unbuttoned his jeans, pushing both hands into his boxers. Instinctively, the long thighs spread open for him.
His boyfriend was always very skilled with his hands, and this time was no different. He teased his balls, gave half hearted strokes and squeezed his thighs.
It was easy enough for the dark haired man, who was nibbling on his neck, to keep quiet, but Kei had to work for it, and it was getting harder and harder. That and his dick. "Tetsu..." He called him with his best desperate tone. The tone that would always make the other lose it and start fucking him into the mattress like he wanted him to. It was true that Kuroo knew all his buttons, but Kei knew his just as well.
To his satisfaction, his jeans and boxers were pushed down to his knees, and Kuroo's gruff voice told him to turn around.
He did, eagerly, and was met with dark eyes and a lustful look. Exactly what he'd expected, but his cock still twitched in response.
Testurou rose to his knees as well which left them nearly at eye level when strong hands pulled him closer until they were pretty much pressed against each other.
"Hey," Kuroo mumbled quietly a few moments after he started stroking the both of them. "I just realized something," he said, his pace quickening a little.
"What... What is it?" Kei asked breathlessly. He tried to get his hand between them and help too, but his boyfriend kept swatting it away so eventually he gave up and wrapped them around his neck for balance.
"The first humans to walk the earth, AKA us, are gay." He said thoughtfully.
"Why... would you even think about that... right now?" Kei breathed out, resting his head on the broad shoulder as his hips rolled into Tetsurou's palm, desperate for more friction.
Kuroo just shrugged, grinned, and swiped his thumb over the tip of his cock so expertly he almost cried out. He managed to make it into a muffled moan instead by biting down on the shoulder in front of him. The other chuckled.
It didn't take too long before his thighs were shaking, his breath ragged, and Kuroo wasn't much better. "F-faster," he mumbled, and his boyfriend complied very willingly, sending both of them over the edge.
Streaks of hot, white substance fell mostly on the grass around them, though some of it got on Tetsurou's shirt. Shamelessly, he took the drop with his finger and licked it clean.
Kei was aware enough at that point to understand what he did, and looked at him with a disgusted expression. "You don't even know who's that is," he told him incredulously.
"Hmm..." Kuroo seemed to take that as a challenge because he thumbed another drop and tasted it. "Definitely mine," he declared, seeming unfazed even though he did just taste his own cum. Twice.
Tsukishima swatted at him, snorting, then tucked himself back in his pants. "Let's just go to sleep." He suggested, shuffling on his knees to a cleaner patch of grass.
Kuroo shuffled after him, spooning him from behind. It felt nice and familiar and warm, and his body was heavy, lethargic even after their little session. He already felt himself drifting off to sleep when the deep voice behind him quietly asked, "Kei? Are you still up?"
Tetsurou only ever used his first name when it was something serious. Otherwise, he'd call him one of the many nicknames he had grown to tolerate even like over the years. Not that his boyfriend will ever know. "Kinda. Everything alright?" He mumbled back.
"I just... Wanted to say I'm really sorry. I was really reckless, and I ignored safety completely just so I could bring you here on your birthday. I should have done way more experimentation with time travel before bringing you along. I fucked up a lot in previous years - uh, actually later years? Never mind, anyway... This time I risked your life, and that's inexcusable. I'm really, really sorry, Kei." Tetsurou's tone held so much guilt and regret that he had no idea how he hadn't noticed his thoughts until now. He must have been thinking about this since yesterday.
The blond listened silently, and when the other seemed to finish, he turned in his arms to face him, and slapped his cheek.
Well, it was a really weak slap to be honest; it's sole purpose to serve as a wake up call and make sure Kuroo'll listen carefully. "That was for apologizing. You shouldn't do that." He told him, and continued to talk and explain himself to the confused Tetsurou. "I know I freaked out yesterday, but I'm not angry. I was just stressed. You're an amazing boyfriend! Do you even realize that the maximum an average boyfriend would do is maybe plan a screening of Jurassic Park and cuddle on the sofa? You built a freaking time machine just to take me here to see live dinosaurs! You're a genius, and a great person, and irresistibly sexy, and if I had to spend the rest of my life here, even if it'd be short, it would have been fine as long as I'd have you here with me." After that super sappy speech, he felt the need to be mean, so he slapped Kuroo for real this time. His huge grin didn't waver in the least. "I'll slap you every time you try to apologize for it." He said sternly.
Tetsurou was making choked-whale noises again, and suddenly he was hugged so tight it was getting hard to breath. "Thank you, babe. You're the best. I love you." Was all he could get out.
"Yeah, I love you too, dummy. Now let me go, I think you cracked my rib and I'm running out of air."
Tetsurou chuckled, then loosened his grip though he still kept Kei pressed against him. "Right, sorry." He could hear the grin in his voice.
If they were already on the topic, Kei decided to take it a step further. "And... You know... You don't have to try so hard to make it big every year."
"I know, I just... Want to make you happy. Really, really happy. I want to see your face lit up like it did yesterday." Kuroo said. How could he spout embarrassing shit like that so easily?
"Oh." Kei made a small noise, unsure how to respond to it. He was thankful for the dark, since his face was burning up and he was certain he was blushing.
"Did I charm you to death just now?" Kuroo smirked and the blond slapped him weakly again.
"Shut up. I guess it's fine, once in a while, but... I'd be perfectly happy spending time with you doing whatever. You still have to get me cake though."
"Right, understood." Tetsurou chuckled, and they lapsed into silence.
"Good night, Tetsu." Kei let his eyes slip shut again after a few moments.
"Good night, Tsukki." His boyfriend replied, and they drifted off to sleep.
Morning, or more likely noon, judging by the sun's placement in the sky, came when Tetsurou shook him awake and told him everything's ready to go.
Kei, who was by no definition a morning person, broke into a smile and scrambled to his feet and into the craft as quickly as he could. He didn't even mind the foereign, unpleasant sensation that attacked him again. He was never happier to be in his boyfriend's lab, with the strong AC and the...
"Hey, is that the cakinator?" He pointed at a machine that looked suspiciously familiar.
"Nope, not it. This way, babe." Kuroo swiftly turned him away. He was too quick in his response, and it was was anything but credible, but Kei decided to let it go. He was too mentally tired to deal with this at the moment.
All he wanted was a good bath, some real food, and maybe a massage. He could probably guilt Tetsurou into it, he thought. Not that his boyfriend ever missed an opportunity to give him a massage anyway. With these relaxing thoughts, he was ready to put the last two days (or was it technically millions of years?) behind him.
~
A couple of weeks later they were having Bokuto and Akaashi over for dinner when it happened. Kei and Keiji were peacefully washing dishes and chatting quietly when a loud screech - Kuroo's - was heard followed by an even louder "Holy shit dude!" by Bokuto.
Akaashi and Tsukishima exchanged exasperated glances before sighing, wiping their hands to dry and going over to the living room. Kuroo was standing with a hand over his mouth, staring half in horror half in wonder at the Television. Bokuto was still mumbling quiet "Holy shit"s and "I cant believe this"s.
The two turned their attention to the screen, and a moment later their reactions joined their respective boyfriends. Keiji mumbled a "Wow.", while Kei's hand mirrored Kuroo's and covered his mouth.
It was the 9pm news. What were Kuroo and Bokuto doing watching the news of all things was beyond him, but here they were. The news anchor was interviewing a man Kei had recognized, a man who's works he have read. He was a rather successful and famous figure in the paleontology field, and he was currently talking about his latest, and rather bizarre discovery.
Fossilized human seamen. They had thought it was a mistake a first, but after cooperating with the biology department in their university, there was no mistaking it. It wasn't clear how the fossilized seamen got to the archaeological site he was currently digging, and the possibility of a prank was being considered. Meanwhile, though, the substance passed all the credibility tests they put it though. And perhaps even more shocking, he said, was the fact that the source of the seamen appeared to be two different human males.