Work Text:
December 17, 1997
Cold winter winds were blowing outside, but everyone inside the apartment was singing: “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…”
“Happy Birthday, dear Grandpa,” Hiei sang, holding Masaki on his lap.
“Happy Birthday to you!” everyone finished.
“Peas and soup!” Yusuke and Kuwabara yelled at the same time. Keiko rolled her eyes.
Masaki squealed with happiness and clapped his hands.
“All right.” Yukina gave her father a kiss on the cheek. “Now you just have to blow out the candles and make a wish.”
“I don’t need the wish, honey,” said Homura, smiling at her as she sat down next to him. “I’ve got everything I could ever possibly ask for right here.”
“Come on, Father,” said Hiei. “There’s got to be something you want.”
“Fine.” Homura grinned and blew out the candles. “I hope it gets warmer soon.”
“Too bad,” Yukina joked. “My birthday wish a month ago was that we’d get a lot of snow!”
“Birthday parties are great fun, aren’t they?” said Kurama, watching Yukina and Homura laugh.
“Yes,” Homura agreed, suddenly solemn. “I only wish I’d been able to be there for Yukina and Hiei on all their birthdays.”
“All that matters is that you’re here, so we can make newer, better memories,” Yukina told him, setting one hand on his shoulder. Hiei nodded. Last month was the first birthday he and Yukina had ever celebrated with their father, and everyone enjoyed it. Now, almost a month later, it was Homura’s birthday, and Hiei and Kurama had invited everyone over to their apartment to celebrate. They were about to cut the cake when they were interrupted by the cries of Hana, Shizuru and Botan’s one-month-old daughter.
“I think she just has another stinky, guys,” Botan announced. “I’ll take care of it. Can I use your bathroom, guys?”
“Of course,” said Kurama.
Years ago, Hiei would have complained about a baby’s diaper being changed in their apartment's only bathroom. Now, he couldn’t care less, because that was where he changed Masaki’s diapers, too. The bathroom was past the living room and kitchenette, in the hallway that led to the bedrooms. While Botan was changing Hana’s “stinky,” Masaki started fussing on Hiei’s lap.
“Uh-oh,” said Kuwabara warily. “Did he fill a diaper, too?”
“No, he’s just hungry,” said Hiei. By now, he could easily tell what his baby wanted by the sounds of his cries and other hints, like the way he was smacking his lips and sucking on his fingers. It was true; babies really did have a language all their own. Hiei’s boobs seemed to understand it, too, because as soon as Masaki started crying, they began to leak in earnest.
“Oh…gotcha,” said Kuwabara coolly. Hiei couldn’t tell if this new, nonchalant attitude was genuine, or if it was all an act and the big oaf was still uncomfortable being near a breastfeeding male. He had already stated back in September that he was completely, totally, 100% in support of public breastfeeding, but did that really guarantee that he didn’t feel awkward, especially if it was Hiei?
Well, whatever. Hiei had never given a damn what people thought, especially Kuwabara. So he unbuttoned the top of his black button-down shirt, unsnapped the nursing bra, made sure he was seated comfortably on the couch next to Kurama, and let the baby latch on. He could breastfeed one-armed by now, but he preferred not to, and held the baby in both arms. He had the feeling Masaki liked it better that way, too.
“How’s it going?” Homura asked, coming to sit on Hiei’s other side.
“Breastfeeding?” said Hiei. “Pretty good, actually. I can do it with one arm now, and it doesn’t hurt anymore. Not even the bites. I hardly feel them, just like you predicted.”
“That’s good to know.” Homura smiled. “It was a little tough to get used to at first for me. Fox teeth are sharper than an elemental’s, of course…”
“Oh, I can imagine.” Hiei winced as he recalled the teeth in his little half-sister’s mouth. Elemental demons’ mouths generally resembled human mouths, but Ru-Ru’s resembled those of a fox. There was no doubt that her bites would be far more painful. Hiei was starting to mention the life-saving balm Kurama had created for him when he was approached by Kuwabara and Keiko.
“Can we help you?” said Kurama politely.
“Um, yeah,” said Kuwabara. His face was still red, and he was looking anywhere but at Hiei. “Keiko thinks things will become less awkward between us if…um, if we talk about…uh…”
“I think Hiei and Kuwabara should have an in-depth, detailed discussion about Hiei’s breastfeeding journey to break the ice,” Keiko interrupted, cutting to the chase.
“Journey?” said Hiei, confused.
“It’s a human expression,” Kurama explained. “You two want to talk to Hiei about breastfeeding?”
“If it’s all right with you, Hiei,” said Keiko, looking at him. “Is it all right if Kuwabara asks you some questions?”
Personally, Hiei thought this was ridiculous, not to mention unnecessary, and if anything, it would probably make things even more awkward between him and Kuwabara. But if there was one thing he’d learned about Keiko Urameshi, it was that once she put her mind to something, it was awfully difficult to stop her. So he decided to humor her.
“I guess so," said Hiei. "But I seem to recall telling you before that you're still allowed to look at me when you speak to me."
“Oh. Right.” Kuwabara looked directly into Hiei’s eyes and cleared his throat. “Ah…let’s see. Does it hurt?”
“It used to, but not anymore,” Hiei replied. “Now it only hurts if they get engorged.”
“What’s that?”
“When they’re overly full. Anything else?”
“Hmm…” Kuwabara seemed deep in thought. “If you get drunk right before you feed him, can he get drunk, too?”
“How should I know?” said Hiei. “I don’t even drink.”
“Masaki probably won’t get drunk, Kuwabara,” said Kurama. “But it’s still not a good idea to drink immediately before—”
“Hang on,” said Hiei. “I felt a bite.”
“At his age?” said Keiko. “I didn’t think babies grew teeth that young.”
“Baby demons are born with teeth,” Kurama explained. “For self-defense.”
“And biting is normal,” Hiei added. “It doesn’t hurt or anything. It just means he’s done on this side and needs to be switched.”
Only after Hiei removed Masaki from the left side and guided him onto the right did he realize he’d just given Kuwabara a full-frontal view of his naked boobs. He didn’t really think it was a big deal until he saw the look on Kuwabara’s face, and then it was all he could do not to laugh.
“What’s the matter, Kuwabara?” said Kurama coolly. His arms and legs were crossed, and his eyes were shut, but he was grinning. “Are they more impressive than Yukina’s?”
Hiei couldn’t believe Kurama said that, but it was too much, and he burst out into laughter. So did Homura.
“We’re done here,” said Keiko, pulling Kuwabara away. After they left, it took a minute for Hiei, Homura, and Kurama to calm down.
“Well, at least he tried,” said Homura, wiping away a tear of mirth. “Maybe it’ll be easier for him when he becomes a father and Yukina is the one nursing.”
“I doubt it,” said Kurama. “The problem doesn’t appear to lie with nursing itself, but rather with Hiei. Kuwabara seems to have trouble grasping the concept of males being capable of pregnancy and lactation.”
“Huh? Oh, that’s right!” Homura snapped his fingers. “I keep forgetting. Human males can’t get pregnant or breastfeed. Weird, isn’t it?”
“I thought so, too,” Hiei agreed. “But apparently they don’t have the right equipment.”
“Still, it was nice of you to answer his questions instead of making fun of him,” said Kurama.
“Says the guy who gave him crap for staring when I flashed him,” Hiei said back. “Not that I blame you. Imagine—the fool thinks I have nice boobs.”
Hiei was expertly burping Masaki when they heard Botan exclaim, “Look, everyone! It’s snowing!”
“The first snow of the year.” Kurama stood up with a smile. “Let’s go see.”
Homura and Hiei both got up too, Masaki in Hiei’s arms, and they all went to stand at the window to watch the white snowflakes swirl down from the sky.
“How beautiful,” Keiko marveled, gazing into the moonlit night. Yusuke joined her and slipped his hand into hers. Masaki squealed in joy and excitement, the delicate flakes reflected in his big green eyes.
“Masaki seems to like the snow,” Kurama commented.
“Well, he is one-quarter ice maiden, after all,” Hiei reminded him matter-of-factly.
“Speaking of ice maidens…” Kurama lowered his voice and gestured to Homura. “I think this is the first snow Homura has seen since he was with your mother.”
That’s probably true, Hiei thought. Homura was a purebred fire demon; of course he wouldn’t often find himself in places where it snowed.
“So,” said Hiei, coming to stand next to Homura. “First snow in a while, huh?”
Homura didn’t answer at first. Hiei watched him stare at the snowflakes, a thoughtful expression on his face.
“Not exactly,” he said finally. “Between you and me, I’ve spent more time up North than you might think. For a long time after your mother left me, I would go back to the bar where we met every single year, half-hoping she’d step through the doorway again.” He sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. Hiei could see tears glistening in his crimson-red eyes. “Whenever the wind blows and it snows just like this, I feel her presence.”
“I miss her,” said Hiei quietly.
“So do I.” Homura turned to Hiei then, and set one hand on his shoulder. “But she lives on in you and Yukina. Especially you.”
“Me?”
“Yes,” said Homura. “Yukina resembles your mother physically, of course, but I’m speaking in terms of personality. She was tough, you know. Pushed me to be a better man. And you know what? You have the exact same smile.”
“R-Really?” Hiei choked. “Doesn’t that…upset you?”
“Quite the opposite,” said Homura, as he wiped away a tear. “I don’t want to forget her. And I never will.”
Hesitantly, Homura held out his arms, asking for a hug, and Hiei thought of the first time he’d hugged his father—well, the first time his father hugged him. It was back in May, when everyone thought Kurama was going to die and Hiei had a meltdown in the living room. Even now, when Kurama was on the mend and Masaki was born, Hiei’s heart still hurt at the memory.
Still seething with rage, his heart beating much faster than it should, Hiei’s eyes scanned the room. Yukina looked horrified, seeming not to notice that she’d dropped her mixing bowl; Homura’s expression was stony, arrested, as if he’d been expecting as much; and Ru-Ru was crying, her golden ears pointed downwards as her matching fox tail dragged on the floor.
Just like that, almost as if a switch had been flipped, Hiei felt all the fight drain from him completely, replaced by some of the worst hopelessness and sadness he had ever felt. How was he standing? His whole body felt far too heavy for him to carry as he sunk to the floor, unable to stop the tidal wave of tears that finally broke free. What he would give to feel Kurama’s arms around him one last time, so he could tell him he was sorry…so he could tell him how much he loved him.
And then Hiei did feel arms around him—not Kurama’s, but Homura’s. They were too big and muscular to be Yukina’s, certainly.
“This is all my fault,” Hiei sobbed, leaning his head against his father’s burly chest. “Kurama’s going to die and it’s all my fault.”
“It’s not your fault, Hiei,” said Homura. “You’re not the one who drove drunk and crashed into him.”
“You don’t understand!” Hiei insisted. “H-He was coming to see me that day. He was coming to apologize. Bringing me—bringing me food…and a rose…”
The thought of that rose brought on another rush of tears. “I’m sorry,” the note had read. As if Kurama was the one who should have been apologizing. Hiei was the one who had hit him, the one who had screamed at him and taken him for granted.
“All this happened because of me,” Hiei wept. “It would’ve been better if we never met.”
Hiei expected Homura to say something like, “Now, you know you don’t mean that,” and maybe he didn’t, but once again, the older fire demon surprised Hiei by remaining silent. He heard no noise, only felt one of Homura’s hands in his hair, the other rubbing his back, while he just cried himself out.
Despite all of that craziness, and everything that came after, Homura had never given up on Hiei. He’d supported him unconditionally all the way. Hiei accepted his father’s hug, Masaki in between them, as the snowflakes continued to fall.
-the end-