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It could be said that Lakan loved Fengxian in excess. Anybody brave enough (or perhaps stupid enough) to make such a statement within the couple’s vicinity would quickly find themselves on their knees mumbling out apologies through ragged breaths, as if that would change anything. Lakan might have been an obsessive lover in the eyes of their observers, but he at least had the sense to not be quite so reckless in his displeasure. Fengxian, on the other hand… Well, nobody could really fault her for her limited mental capacity or the resulting outbursts. Over time, she mellowed out in this regard and Lakan could not hold back his pride for her relearning to control her impulses. Sure, it was overwhelmingly attractive seeing her erupt in a blaze of fury but what was the point if it wasn’t targeted at him? He could always take comfort in the idea of them growing and changing together, as a pair. The thought sent warm flutters throughout his body.
Lakan would be the first to acknowledge that his inability to perceive faces could occasionally cause some issues. However, on the whole, he generally considered himself to be fairly perceptive when it came to matters of character, as evidenced by his renown as a skilled tactician. That being said, a person’s physicality was always a bit difficult, regardless of his efforts and methods of working around it.
Which was why he was the last to notice when Fengxian stopped responding.
In his defence, she hadn’t been the most expressive towards the end; she had grown despondent as her illness’ attempts to ravage her body only worsened. Lakan wasn’t so shallow as to think any less of her for it. Sure, her skin had become fairer and she had become cooler to the touch, but how was he supposed to know that meant anything? Fengxian’s skin had always been fair and lovely, especially when compared to his own liver spotted complexion, and the seasons had shifted earlier this year so everyone had been feeling the chill. Her leg cramps were nothing new either, winter was never good for old aching joints, and Lakan always took great pleasure in massaging her pains away with some heated oil. To service her in any way was an honour, after all.
The only thing that really struck him as somewhat off were her eyes, which had grown soft and cloudy in colour. Although he missed the vibrant balsam-red, the milky pink only gave her a new sort of appeal, softening the sharpness of her eyes into something almost cute. Lakan felt blessed to see so many new sides to his wife; what did it matter that the other members of his household had started to look at her differently. Humans were notoriously shallow and fickle, opinions shifting at the slightest provocation. He had never paid heed to their judgements before and he would not do so now. It didn’t matter how bad her illness was, he would always be there to soothe her pain and keep her eyes alight and aware (18 years too late was better than never, surely).
In their own little world, life was sweet. Their games were as quick-paced and intense as always, though he had begun to move her piece for her, as she had lost the facilities to do so herself. It was of no concern for Lakan, who only took delight in caring for her in any way she could possibly need as she began to quieten, as any good husband would. When she was no longer able to stand properly, he would bring heated water and a cloth to gently wipe her clean and lay the gentlest kisses on her bare skin. The first time somebody made to protest his actions while he was at his altar was also the last, for Lakan would not hear of any motion to move her elsewhere. They had been apart for so long, something as minor as a disease could not possibly be enough to convince him to relocate her; they may have given up on her, but he certainly would not. He did make sure to collect some medicinal balms from his uncle though; he may have wanted to keep the two of them together but it would not be at her expense.
Then Fengxian began to radiate a sharp unique smell. It was at this point that the complaints about her presence in his rooms became a serious issue. Beforehand, his subordinates had known better than to run their mouths about his wife (at least not in front of him), but it appeared that they too had no appreciation for her soft eyes and sweet fragrance. If they had no respect for Fengxian, then they clearly had no respect for Lakan either, for what was one without the other?
With the peoples’ disgust towards his Fengxian having been exposed, the decision to take her and leave came easily. There was no world in which he would allow such vile behaviour to continue and this was simply the most peaceful solution for everyone involved, particularly Maomao, who continued to work at the Imperial Palace. He had no thought for putting them in their places, when his wife’s wellbeing was a far more urgent concern.
The days felt shorter away from the palace, as his established wealth afforded him the freedom to spend every moment by Fengxian’s side. It was hard to say how much time passed when he could focus on nothing but far. Her frame seemed a touch lighter and she had grown colder, but that was to be expected as they had left behind the many comforts of the capital, including the more luxurious beddings that he had once taken for granted. They were minor sacrifices in the grand scheme of their shared happiness, as made clear by the Fengxian’s face that seemed to glow brighter in the sun with every passing day. She was a blessing and a reminder of everything he had worked so hard for, and he felt almost suffocated by the depth of affection that sought to overwhelm him. It was exhilarating.
As the colder months only intensified, they found warmth within one another. Neither of them had ever been vocal in bed, but Fengxian’s small jolts and spasms as he worshipped her body never failed to paint him a picture of her pleasure and satisfaction. Though she had weakened significantly since their first time together, she had retained her haughty charm. Her eyes were hypnotic, granting him a sense of weightlessness as she stared up at him in challenge. ‘Is that all?’, they seemed to ask, condescension dripping from her gaze. The look was merciless, it took all he had to maintain some semblance of control. This was about her pleasure, everything was for her. He had only ever wanted her, and he was determined to make it unmistakably clear everytime she gave him the honour of allowing him to lay with her. Her body, after all their years apart, felt like heaven’s gates.
It was a bright night when they were finally discovered, as the streets were alight with dozens of glowing lanterns for one festival or another. The interloper was male, but didn’t seem familiar until he spoke, voice rough and coloured with horror. Jinshi’s voice sounded deeper than he remembered. His exact words were meaningless, as they only served to remind Lakan of the prejudiced masses he had left behind. Lakan had initially intended to simply wait until the frantic boy stopped talking so he could politely shoo him away with some quick reassurances of his wife’s health, but a sharp light made him quickly reconsider his position.
He never did figure out what Jinshi was planning to do, but it was clear from the silver glint of a blade at his hip that it would not bode well for Fengxian or himself. Lakan wouldn’t hurt his precious daughter’s subpar admirer, regardless of what blasphemy had clouded his once brilliant mind, but his pool of trustworthy individuals had shrunk once more. He had no choice but to turn Jinshi away, with the firm warning (threat) not to return or lead anybody else back to them. He clutched his wife’s body closer, cradling her head against chest protectively as he whispered reassurances into her delicate translucent ears.
It didn’t feel like enough.
When had he become so predictable? Was it so easy to decipher his inner thoughts? How had they been found so easily? He felt Fengxian’s body twitch and he immediately began mumbling apologies for his harshness through choked tears. He couldn’t loosen his grip though, despite her indication of discomfort. He was always so weak and unreliable when it mattered most. All he wanted was to be enough to protect her, so why was he so incapable of even that much? Lakan hid his face deeper into Fengxian’s hair, taking slower breaths to calm himself. This wasn’t about his shame, it was about Fengxian’s safety and happiness. She deserved to be someplace where she would not be looked down upon for her prior occupation or birth status (what else could people possibly be judging them for, after all).
The tangy fragrance of Fengxian’s hair flooded his lungs, filling Lakan with a sense of indescribable security and ecstasy. Ah, this was exactly what he needed. He allowed his thoughts to dissipate for the moment, letting himself relax into her. Why couldn’t this be their life, forever sinking into each other? Fengxian didn’t provide a verbal response to his absent query, instead just leaning more heavily against him. That was enough of an answer for him.
He should have loosened his grip on her earlier. The realisation had struck him just a moment too late, as one of Fengxian’s alluring pink-grey eyes dropped out of its now vacant home and into his lap. He froze. Her eye looked up at him helplessly while he stared back in bewilderment. What the fuck? He looked back at Fengxian, tilting her head back frantically so he could assess the state of her face. She seemed… fine? Her expression was void of any pain or discomfort. He shouldn’t have expected any less from his strong, persevering wife. He shifted his focus back to the runaway piece of her.
Lakan cautiously reached out to pick it up, balancing the cloudy ball carefully between his thumb and forefinger. It was soft and fragile and he was sure that applying the slightest bit of pressure would cause it to rupture. It had popped out so easily. In a daze, he drew it closer to his mouth, lips softly pressing against the lovely grey iris. He didn’t resist his urge to let his tongue dart out for a quick taste, relishing in the shudder that passed through his body. His fervour grew as an idea struck him. He wanted it inside him. Surely she wouldn’t mind. He would even return the favour, so their gazes would never stray from one another again. They would live inside each other until their bodies were desiccated (perhaps they should swallow each other's bones next, for good measure). With that heady thought, Lakan closed his eyes, tilted his head back and placed Fengxian’s eyeball on the flat of his tongue, swallowing deeply. He could feel the pressure of her against his throat and he swallowed again to help guide her towards his stomach. He had never been so hard. He wanted her to experience his ecstasy; she deserved much more than what he could offer, but he would do his best. There was no hesitation in his movements when he reached up to his own face and pressed his fingers into the edges of his eye sockets.
Lakan furiously nuzzled his head into her midsection later that night, wondering if his actions would jostle the gift that rested beneath the thin skin of her stomach. He felt so strange. The heat of his blood was smeared across both of their bodies, mixing deliciously with his rapidly cooling ejaculate, saliva, and the cocktail of liquids that Fengxian had released in their mutual delirium. Lakan’s fingertips and nose were getting cold. Mindless giggles poured out of his mouth as he relished in their unmatched closeness. It felt so right. Fengxian was inside him. They were inside each other in every way he could manage. They would never be separated.