Chapter Text
Yeonjun doesn’t know that the sun can be this bright as he stomps his litte feet out of the house, while his mom dragging him along. The Omega’s other hand holding a strawberry cake that she promised the four years old alpha can eat at their neighbor’s house.
Being a normal four-year-old after a long flight, he throws a tantrum, insisting he just wants to sleep at home. But being a typical Asian mom, his mother doesn’t want to hear any "no" from him. It’s only their second day in Seoul after living all four years of his life in America. The extreme summer heat already makes him whine about her decision to move here.
A lady opens the door after his mom presses the bell for the second time. A faint scent of lavender greets them as the Beta stands holding a baby boy in her arms.
“Oh my god, is this Beomgyu? Oh my goodness, you’re so adorable! You look like a little hazelnut—so cute!” his mom suddenly squeals an octave higher to the little one. Her jasmine scent turns sweeter as she lets go of Yeonjun’s hand, takes the baby into her arms, and walks right in like it’s the usual thing to do. Still pouting for being dragged here, Yeonjun just stands awkwardly at the door beside the owner of the house.
“Are you Yeonjunie? The last time I saw you, you were just one day old, still so red! Now look at you a big alpha already! Did you eat a lot until get this tall already?” says the beta as she squats down, levelling her eyes with the little alpha.
“Yes! I am a big boy already!” he grins brightly, too happy to be called that. “You are! I am auntie Naeun. I am Beomgyu’s mom and your mom’s bestfriend. It’s the first time we meet that you are gonna remember me yes? Do you want to play with Beomgyu? Beomgyu got a lot of toys that he don’t understand how to play with it yet, so you can teach him if you want?”
Yeonjun nods excitedly, thinking of playing with the new toys. The beta holds his hand and leads him inside, telling him to sits on the living room floor and wait while she brings out Beomgyu’s toys. A minute later, Naeun returns with a box full of them while his mom sets Beomgyu down beside him.
“You guys play together nicely okay? Baby, be a good big brother and take care of Beomgyu okay? Me and auntie will have a talk there, scream if you need our help okay?”
Yeonjun picks up a toy car from the box as the little one beside him grabs some blocks.
“Do you want to build something together? I’m good at building blocks.” he says, noticing the little hand reaching for more pieces.
“Yes!” Beomgyu replies excitedly.
Yeonjun helps the little Beta pull out the rest of the blocks, and they both settle on the floor.
“My name is Yeonjun. You can call me hyung. So, what should we build?”
“Hyung!!” Beomgyu calls out, eyes wide and sparkling. Yeonjun has never seen eyes that shines so brightly like that.
“Cute. Shall we build a castle?”
Beomgyu grabs his wrist with his tiny hand and nods enthusiastically. “Yes please, hyung!”
Yeonjun looks down at the way Beomgyu’s tiny, tiny hand tries to hold his wrist and chuckles at how adorable it looks, like he’s afraid Yeonjun might run away.
“Okay. Let’s start with this.”
The sky is already dark, even though it’s still early in the evening. Beomgyu wraps himself tightly in the thick blue blanket, his favorite one because it’s warm and fluffy. He can feel cold beads of sweats on his temple, and his body continues to shiver.
The heater is already on, but the cold still slices through his bones. He knows it’s early in the evening, but he has no idea what time it actually is.
Should he take another dose of medicine? Should he try to get up, go downstairs, and ask his mom for more?
As he tries to sit up, his body betrays him. He sinks back into the bed, defeated. He wants to grab his phone and call his mom instead, but even lifting his hand feels impossible. His eyelids are too heavy to open. So he just sighs softly, curling deeper under the blanket, and silently prays that someone will come upstairs to save him.
A few minutes later, he feels a hand on his forehead. He tries to open his eyes as much as he can. His vision is blurry, unfocused still, but even through the haze, he can sees the shape of someone he knows. Someone he loves dearly.
He doesn’t need to see clearly to recognize that face. He knows it in his bones, like a memory etched into the back of his mind.
“Hyu-un-ng..”
“I am here, cub. God, You are burning. Auntie said you have a flu she told me to get you down for dinner but turned out you got worse since she last saw you huh? I will bring your medicine and meal here okaay? Wait a minute.”
He wants to grab Yeonjun’s hand and tell him no— tell him to stay here with him. But once again, his body betrays him. He has no strength left to lift his hand.
Ten minutes later, Yeonjun returns with a bowl of rice porridge and seaweed soup. His mom follows behind, carrying warm tea, a glass of water, and some medicine.
“Baby, I’m sorry I didn’t check on you sooner. I thought it was just a normal flu,” his mom says softly as she sits down near his feet. She gently tucks her hand back under the blanket and begins massaging his cold feet.
“Cub, I’ll put an extra pillow so I can feed you better, okay?” Yeonjun says, helping him sit up slightly before sliding an extra pillow behind his back.
Once Beomgyu settles into the new position, Yeonjun begins feeding him slowly. The porridge tastes bitter on his tongue, and he frowns at the flavor.
“I’m sorry.. it must taste bad,” Yeonjun says gently, noticing his reaction. “But you need to eat more, okay? After this porridge, you can drink the warm sweet tea Auntie made.” He continues feeding Beomgyu with quiet patience, one spoonful at a time.
“Look at your hyung taking care of you so nicely.” his mom says with a soft chuckle, watching the older boy tend to him.
“Auntie, you can go have your dinner. Uncle must be coming home soon too.” Yeonjun says politely.
“Alright. I’ll cook something for your dad first, then come check on you again, baby. He’ll be worried sick if he sees his precious little one like this. Let’s go to the doctor later if the fever doesn’t go down, okay?” his mom says before quietly leaving the room.
Since he was a baby, Beomgyu has always been the one who gets sick easily between the two. Whenever winter comes, he always catches something. Just like today, while snow pours steadily outside, he’s ill once again.
His stomach churns as the porridge tries to settle. The nausea grows stronger, and he shakes his head when Yeonjun offers another spoonful.
“Ngh no.. I want to puke..”
“Okay lets take a breath for 10 minutes and we try again okay?”
Beomgyu nods slowly, closing his eyes again. He can feel Yeonjun gently wiping the sweat from his forehead, his hand caressing his head softly.
Since he was two, Yeonjun has been a constant presence in his life. He’s always taken care of him, played with him, and made sure he never felt lonely. Contrary to the common stereotypes about Alphas, Yeonjun is nothing like what people expect. He’s soft, kindhearted, and always takes care of the people around him. His heart is as gentle as cotton, it’s easy to make him smile, yet he also carries a lot of tears. He’s been the one Beomgyu can always rely on, and at the same time, the one he wants to protect the most.
Yeonjun’s parents are both workaholics, so he often ends up alone in the house. Because of that, his mom always brings Yeonjun to their home, treating him like their another son at this point. Yeonjun even has his own extra bed in Beomgyu’s room. They go to school together, come home together, and are basically inseparable. Spending almost every waking hour side by side.
He can smell the Alpha’s pheromones turning sour, and it makes him uncomfortable. Yeonjun’s usual white musk scent shifts, becoming bitter, and the wolf inside Beomgyu stirs uneasily.
“Why are you upset?” Beomgyu asks, trying to summon every bit of energy he has left.
“Because you’re sick, of course.” Yeonjun replies with a sigh. “Seeing you like this upsets me more than anything.”
He gently grabs Beomgyu’s hand and brings his wrist to his nose, inhaling deeply to scent the younger and comfort him. Beomgyu is a beta, so his scents which is a cherry blossom is faints, not as strong as others, but when Yeonjun scents him, he always feels safe and protected. It feels nice.
Beomgyu finds it adorable how Yeonjun tries to comfort him by scenting him, even though it’s him who should be the one offering comfort. Despite everything, he feels a warmth spreading in his chest.
“I’ll be okay. I always get sick anyway in the winter and I will always recover.”
“Yeah you were hospitalized for three days last winter. Comforting, really.”
Beomgyu let out a small laughs at the older’s remakrs. “Yeah and hyung is crying because hyung doesn’t want to leave me and want to be with me and being hospitalized too. What a cutie. But you are the one who called me honey bee for following you around!”
“Stop teasing me. I told you seeing you sick is my biggest pain in the world. And you are! You always following me around like a honey bee! But so what? I love you following me around!” Beomgyu smiles at the older’s answers.
“I am sorry hyung, for getting sick.” He says softly, he truly feels bad for always making Yeonjun worry and taking care of him.
“You don’t have to. Just get well soon, I don’t want my cub hospitalized again.”
Beomgyu nods, then gently pulls his hand from Yeonjun’s. He taps the empty space beside him, silently asking the Alpha to come and cuddle him.
“Eat more first, then drink your medicine then I will cuddle you to sleep.”
“Okay, but you need to eat too..”
“I had some cheese corndog as I went back from school. Bought you one too but I don’t think you can stomach it yet, cub.” Yeonjun starts feeding him the tasteless porridge again. Beomgyu sighs, thinking about the cheese corndog he’s missing out on because of being sick.
After he takes his medicine, Yeonjun lies down beside him on the bed, pulling the blanket around them both. He wraps the younger boy in his embrace as Beomgyu moves closer, resting his face against Yeonjun’s neck, right near his scent gland. He breathes in the familiar white musk, the scent that always brings him comfort.
“Sleep tight, cub,” Yeonjun whispers softly.
Beomgyu loves spring. He was born in spring, his mom always tells him he’s a miracle baby, born just as the flowers began to bloom. His beta mom and alpha dad had been trying to have a child for a long time, and when they finally found out they were expecting, the doctor said her due date probably around spring time. While carrying him, his mom used to call him her little flower. But this spring feels colder than usual.
It’s his birthday. Beomgyu couldn’t be happier than this, there’s nothing better than celebrating his special day with the people he loves.
This weekend, they’re having a small party at the park. Just his mom, his dad, and his two best friends, which only Yeonjun and Soobin.
He met Soobin in drama club back in eighth grade. Beomgyu has always struggled with making friends and talking to strangers, so he never expected to click so easily with another beta.
He still spends most of his time with Yeonjun, of course. But now that Yeonjun’s in high school, Beomgyu’s grown closer to Soobin. He sticks with Soobin during school hours, then comes home to spend the rest of the day with Yeonjun.
High school is starting soon, and Beomgyu feels relieved knowing he’ll have both of his best friends with him this time.
Soobin and Yeonjun have never met before today, and their first introduction happens right at his birthday celebration in the park.
“Soobin-hyung, meet my Yeonjunie-hyung!” Beomgyu beams as he introduces them when Soobin arrives.
“Hello, Soobin. Nice to meet you,” Yeonjun says with his signature charming smile. “Thank you for keeping this little one company when I can’t. He said you’re his lifesaver.”
Beomgyu catches the faint blush on Soobin’s cheeks. If he didn’t know Soobin better— a shy and awkward one with strangers, he might’ve assumed he was charmed by the Alpha.
“Hello, Yeonjun. Beomgyu talks a lot about you,” Soobin replies shyly.
With a wide grin, Beomgyu grabs both of their arms and tugs them down onto the picnic blanket that his mother already laid out.
“Aww my two bestfriends!”
“Happy birthday, Gyu,” Soobin says, leaning in so their heads bump playfully.
“Happy birthday, Cub,” Yeonjun adds, tilting his head just enough to press a soft kiss to Beomgyu’s temple.
When people say high school sucks, Beomgyu used to think they were just being dramatic.
Now, being in the same high school as Yeonjun, he realizes that if he hadn’t met the older Alpha when he was two, he probably never would’ve become friends with him.
Yeonjun is just so bright, he shines like a star in a crowded room. He stands out.
Beomgyu knows Yeonjun loves talking to people. He’s an extrovert through and through, effortlessly making friends with everyone he meets. He’s also smart one, top of his class, and the leader of the dance club.
Yeonjun has always been a star in his eyes, ever since the first time they played with blocks together. Guess that’s why he follows him around since then.
Being in high school also makes him realize his feelings for the older Alpha.
It comes just like that, without warning.
One day, he’s staring out his classroom window, watching Yeonjun play football. When the Alpha scores a goal for his team, he throws his arms up, screaming in pure joy, jumping around with the brightest, most beautiful grin Beomgyu has ever seen in his life.
The way his silly, beautiful blue hair glistens under the sunlight, just then— suddenly, the world stops.
From the third-floor window, all Beomgyu can see is Yeonjun. It’s like nothing else exists. The entire world fades, and only the blue-haired boy on the field that matters.
Before he realizes it, a smile creeps onto his lips. His heart pounds so fast it’s almost concerning, like he’s just finished a marathon..
And that’s when he knows, he’s doomed.
Beomgyu thinks being in the drama club back in middle school really paid off. Because now, even after realizing his feelings, he can still act normal around his Yeonjunie hyung.
Their routine hasn’t changed. They still go home together after school, and if Yeonjun’s mom has to work late, he ends up having dinner at Beomgyu’s house. On those days, Yeonjun sleeps over at his house.
Today is no exception. They’re both lazing around in Beomgyu’s bedroom after dinner. Beomgyu on his bed, and Yeonjun on the extra bed set up just below.
Beomgyu starts to get sleepy, eyes fluttering shut slowly until he feels a poke on his cheek.
Yeonjun grins up at him playfully.
“Beom! Don’t sleep yet, I want to talk to you about something.”
Beomgyu turns onto his side to face Yeonjun. He opens his eyes and finds the older Alpha sitting up in his own bed, resting his chin on the edge of Beomgyu’s mattress, putting his face right in front of him.
Beomgyu tries to hide the way his heart is about to leap out of his ribcage from how close they are. He lets out a soft sighs.
“What is it, hyung?” he asks, hoping his voice doesn’t give him away.
“What do you think of Soobin?”
Beomgyu snorts at the question. “Like what do you mean? That is soobin. Soobin is soobin. The boy who will faked a fart just to tease me and screamed that I was the one who farts. Soobin the one who will lend me his homework despite he didn't know the right answer either so he just want us to have bad score together. What do you mean what I think?”
Beomgyu can tell from Yeonjun’s face that he’s deep in thought. The Alpha opens his mouth like he’s about to say something then closes it again.
“What is it, hyung? Spill it…” Beomgyu urges gently, his voice low.
He lets his pheromones seep into the air, trying to comfort Yeonjun, just enough to ease whatever’s weighing on him.
As a Beta, his scent is weaker than the rest, but with a bit of effort, he manages to release the soft notes of cherry blossom.
“Hmm what do you think if I.. asking Soobin out?”
Tick, tick, tick.
Suddenly, the ticking of the clock on the wall is the only sound he can hear, followed by a sharp ringing in his ears. It feels like all the blood drains from his head, leaving him dizzy.
There’s something aching deep in his chest, but he can’t quite place where, it just hurts. And it makes it hard to breathe.
“Beom?”
Yeonjun’s hand gently shakes his shoulder, snapping him back to reality.
The reality he has to face, that Yeonjun is a star, shining far above. While Beomgyu is just a flower rooted to the earth.
A flower can never reach a star, let alone exists together in its orbit.
“If you like him like that, then go ahead. It’s between you two. Why are you asking me?” Beomgyu tries to sound nonchalant, but his hand trembles slightly under the blanket.
“Well, he’s your best friend, and I’m yours. You’re important to both of us.”
Beomgyu wishes he could wipe away the sincerity in Yeonjun’s eyes when he says that. How important Beomgyu is in his life.
He lets out a heavy sigh, then turns his body away, facing the wall. He can feel the sting of tears building behind his eyes, and he knows he can’t trust himself to keep them from falling if he talks about it any longer.
“Of course, it’s okay, hyung. If you guys are happy, then I will be too,” Beomgyu says, keeping his voice as calm as he can, even as the tears begin to run down his cheeks.
At times like this, he’s glad he’s a Beta, so no one can smell his pheromones when he’s upset.
“Can I sleep now? I’m so sleepy…”
“Yeah, go ahead. Goodnight, cub.”
Beomgyu hears the soft rustle of Yeonjun throwing himself back onto his bed.
But as he closes his eyes, the tears still won’t stop. He buries his face in the pillow, trying to stifle any sounds that might give him away. He’s 16, experiencing his first love and, just as painfully, his first broken heart.
He keeps pondering, over and over. Why? Why not him? He’s a Beta too. Why? Is it because of the way he looks? Is he really not Yeonjun’s type? Is it because he’s not tall enough? If Yeonjun can like Soobin like that, why not him?
The only conclusion he can come to is that it's simply because it’s Beomgyu. Yeonjun sees him as someone he grew up with. A little brother. A cub.
Suddenly, that sweet nickname turns bitter in his mind.
He realizes he loves Yeonjun before spring ends, and right as summer starts to set in, he knows Yeonjun will never look at him the way he wants him to.
Yeah, high school is going to suck now.
Turns out he’s just being dramatic—well, not entirely. His first year really does suck. Being the third wheel between his best friends is the worst. Seeing them all lovey-dovey from the perspective of a regular best friend is already painful, but seeing it through the eyes of someone who’s been in love with one of them since before he even understood what love was? It’s hell.
Every time he catches Yeonjun stealing a kiss on Soobin’s lips, he wishes the ground would just swallow him whole.
Then Yeonjun graduates, leaving him alone not just at school, but at home too. Yeonjun decides to move out and live near his campus, just an hour away by bus. It might not sound far, but for them, it’s the farthest they’ve ever been apart since they met.
Soobin and Yeonjun decided to break up. Soobin says he knows Yeonjun’s life in college will be different. He doesn’t want to torture himself wondering what Yeonjun’s doing so far away, a very mature decision in Beomgyu’s opinion.
But Beomgyu is not as mature when it comes to Yeonjun.
Beomgyu sends Yeonjun away with tears. He sobs, clutching onto Yeonjun’s legs as the older drags himself toward the car after saying goodbye to Beomgyu’s mom and dad and, of course, the crying mess of a boy still clinging to his feet.
“Pleaseee don’t leavee meeee. Why can’t you just livee heree. I will convienced auntie to gave you car!! Hell I will ask my mom too to help!! Pleaseeee!!!”
“Beom c’mon you know I can’t do that. Cub, baby, let my feet go and talk to me properly.”
Beomgyu lets go of Yeonjun’s leg and slowly stands up, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He doesn’t have the courage to meet Yeonjun’s eyes, so he keeps his gaze fixed on the floor as he sobs quietly.
Yeonjun gently lifts his chin with two fingers, forcing the beta to look at him.
“Cub, I can’t stay. I need to find my own path too.” he says softly.
“But I promise I’ll contact you every day, okay? And on the weekends, if we’re both free, we can have sleepovers. You can come to my place, or I’ll come home. It’s nothing, really. You’ll always be my cub. I’ll always be here for you.”
Beomgyu looks into his eyes and wishes so badly that he could confess right now, tell Yeonjun how deeply he loves him, how he wishes he could be more than just his cub. But he holds it in.
“I will work hard so I can following you there.” Says Beomgyu full of determination.
Yeonjun giggles at the younger one's cuteness. He gently wipes the tears from Beomgyu’s cheeks with his thumbs.
“Yes, in two years you’ll follow me there, and maybe we can rent a place together then.” he says with a soft smile. “So study well, okay?”
Beomgyu nods, the tears still clinging to his lashes, but now there's a flicker of determination in his eyes. He’ll study harder. He’ll do his best, because the thought of being with Yeonjun again, even if just as his cub, is enough to keep him going.
Turns out high school years do get better. He meets Taehyun in student council and Hueningkai in a study group. Since then, he has a small circle of best friends he adores. The four of them always have lunch together and go home together. They either spend time in the library or hang out at a café to study.
His life isn’t as lonely as he once feared without Yeonjun, though it still leaves a quiet hole in his heart. Sometimes, at night, when his eyes fall on Yeonjun’s unused bed tucked under his own, he doesn’t even notice the tears slipping down his cheeks.
He will always miss his Yeonjunie hyung.
As Yeonjun promised, not a single day goes by without them contacting each other. They have regular nightly calls, even when Yeonjun is dead drunk after some frat party, he still picks up the phone to update Beomgyu on everything. From one-night stands, lovers, flings of people who keep his bed warm to his first rut. Yeonjun complains that it’s terrible to go through a rut alone, saying Beomgyu is lucky he’ll never have to experience it, which is… somewhat comforting.
And then comes the first time Yeonjun has a rut partner.
Is Beomgyu jealous? Burning with it. A raging, undeniable yes. But he swallows it down with the hope that once he finishes his studies and joins Yeonjun, maybe—just maybe—he’ll get his chance. That he could be next. That someday, they might be more than just friends.
Even if, deep down, he knows he’s only handing Yeonjun his heart to let him break it all over again.
Two years pass, and autumn comes. Beomgyu receives an acceptance letter from Seoul National University where Yeonjun is. But not long after, he also got an email from a university in Melbourne, offering him a spot in their music production program. It feels like the universe is asking him to choose his dream, or Yeonjun.
And without hesitation, he chooses Yeonjun. Maybe he’s giving up his dream, but he’s not ready to give up on Yeonjun. Not now. Maybe not ever.
He gazes out his bedroom window as the leaves begin to fall from the tree in their garden. He’s always been a romantic little things like this fascinates him.
His phone rings. It doesn't even reach the second ring before he picks up, already knowing who it is.
“Hyung!” Beomgyu beams into the phone, his heart pounding with excitement, ready to share his news.
“Hi, Beom… are you free?”
Weird. Yeonjun sounds nervous. And the fact that he didn’t yell at him for screaming into the phone? Even weirder.
“Yes, I’m in my room right now. What’s going on?”
He can hear a soft chuckle from the other end of the line. “You really do know me too well…”
There’s a beat of silence.
“I… don’t even know how to say this,” Yeonjun continues, voice uncertain. “Do you remember Yeeun? The omega I told you about? The one I spent my first partnered rut with? My girlfriend?”
Each word hits like a knife to the chest.
Yeeun? Bleeds.
The omega? Bleeds harder.
Rut with a partner? Agony.
My girlfriend? He thinks he die then.
Still, he draws in a shaky breath and forces his voice to stay steady, normal. He can’t let Yeonjun hear the way his world is collapsing from the inside.
“Yeah. What about her?”
There’s another pause, then Yeonjun speaks, soft and hesitant.
“Well… she’s pregnant.”
A full minute of silence stretches out. Beomgyu’s brain short-circuits, trying to digest the words.
“She’s what?”
Yeonjun exhales, long and heavy. “She’s pregnant, Beom… and it’s mine.”
Beomgyu’s heart feels like it just stopped, like it simply gave up and died right there in his chest.
He doesn’t know what to say. What’s the right thing to say when the person you love, your first love, tells you they’re having a child with someone else?
He swallows hard. His voice barely comes out. “Are… are you happy about it? Or…?” He forces the question out gently, carefully, masking the way his fingers are trembling and his breath is catching.
“Unexpectedly, I am. The other day we decided to come to the doctor to check it you know, like she still not sure to keep it or not. I am pretty sure I want to keep it, but it’s yeeun’s body after all, I will follow any decision she want. At the doctor, we look at our baby, it’s so tiny, it’s like a tiny circle, the doctor said it’s still a sesame seed size but we cried seeing it. Then she sure she want to keep it. I want it, Beom. You know how I always want to have family of my own.”
Hearing all of those now, it's not just a stab in his heart now it definitely feels like he's drowning in an ocean. Suddenly, it feels like all of his lungs are filled with water, like he could choke at any moment and die. He tries his best not to let the sobs out, to at least sound normal to Yeonjun.
“Hyung—I don’t know what to say but congratulation in order then. Are you sure though? How about your school? Her school?”
“I am sure, cub. I had fuel of my fun already for these years. I am sure I can be more serious now. I will study better and diligently so I can graduates fast, dad said I can take over his company as soon as I graduates, if he knew about this I am pretty sure I can even work on my last year. Yeeun said she want to take a year off, once the baby born her mom said she want to help out so she can finish her studies. I will help too of course. I can do it.”
“You are convincing yourself.”
“I am.”
Beomgyu sighs. “You can do it, hyung. I believe in you. You always do well at anything you do. Even if you don’t, you will learn. You will get there. It will be hard, but you will get through it. You have someone you love with you.” He mean it. He knew his hyung would do well at whatever life throws at him. He always is. He will cheer him on always even though deep down he is dying.
“Thank you cub.. I am going to tell my parents now that I’ve told you. I need your support more than anything.”
“Mmm, fighting okay? They will understand.”
After they end the call, Beomgyu just sits there on his bed, staring into the void. Letting all the information sink in as tears slowly roll down his cheeks. So this is it. The time has come for him to actually give up on his love. He pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, curling himself up as he cries his heart out.
What did he expect, exactly? He’s the one who let Yeonjun break his heart again and again. This is nothing new.
It’s funny, actually, the situation. He lets out a laugh in irony. How can the universe so clearly show him what to choose and what to give up when he finally has a choice? What a funny world he lives in.
Suddenly, the laugh turns into sobs. Beomgyu clutches at his chest. He doesn’t understand how his heart can hurt this much. Is he having a heart attack? Is this why people say you can die of a broken heart? Is this how he dies?
Guess his sobs are too loud this time, because his mom comes into the room. Seeing her boy curled up on the bed, sobbing so hard, it must break her heart too. She wraps her arms around her little one, pulling him tightly into her embrace as her hand gently pats his head.
She doesn’t know yet what has caused her little one to break down like this, but whatever the reason, she’ll comfort him, just like she always has since he was a baby. And nothing has changed, even though Beomgyu isn’t a baby anymore. He will always be her baby.
“My baby, it’s okay. Cry it out. I am here. Mom is here baby. Mom is here for you.”
The wedding is held in winter. It’s a small ceremony in a church, nothing fancy, just Yeonjun with his ridiculous pretty pink hair in his dad’s tuxedo and Yeeun in a simple beautiful white dress that compliments her shiny black hair, standing together in front of God. Only their parents and Beomgyu with his parents are present. Yeonjun and Yeeun decide to hold the wedding party later, when the baby is old enough to join the celebration. Beomgyu thinks that’s actually a cute and touching idea.
By now, Beomgyu has accepted how everything turned out. He genuinely loves that Yeonjun has found his happiness. He tells his mom everything, and she tells him it’s time for Beomgyu to find his own happiness, too.
So he decides to accept the offer from the university in Melbourne and move out of this city. He wants to forget every trace of Yeonjun in his heart. Beacuse every corner of this city only reminds him of Yeonjun.
He doesn’t tell Yeonjun at least, he plans not to until the wedding. But then the wedding happened and Yeonjun glows with happiness in a way that makes it too hard for Beomgyu to say anything. So he chooses to be a selfish coward, just this once. He writes a letter and asks his mom to give it to Yeonjun after he’s gone.
And now, here he is. Fourteen hours in the sky, flying away from his first love. He looks out the window at the clouds and sighs softly.
He was 19 when he decided to give up.
“Goodbye, love.”
“Auntie, I am here!”
Yeonjun comes to Beomgyu’s house as fast as he can when Auntie calls him. He and Yeeun are now living together in an apartment near the university, and luckily, he has no classes today, so he’s able to visit as soon as she calls.
“Oh Yeonjunie, I am in the kitchen, come here!”
Yeonjun comes into the kitchen and sits down on the dining chair expecting a cub with his ridiculously round brown head shows up. “Why did you call, Auntie? Is Cub in trouble? Or is he sick?”
The beta just smiles at Yeonjun as she sets a glass of iced peach tea in front of him. “He’s not, don’t worry.”
Yeonjun takes a sip of his favorite iced tea and nods. “Then why? Oh! Did he get the acceptance letter?”
Suddenly, he notices how her smile shifts into a sad one. It’s like she’s hiding something, and he can’t quite figure out why.
“About that…” she pulls out a blue envelope from the pocket of her apron. She then slides the letter across the table until it’s right in front of Yeonjun.
“Read it, Yeonjunie.”
“Ayy, is this how he wants to tell me? Cutie Cub, really,” he says with a small chuckle as he opens the envelope to read the letter.
Dear my Yeonjunie hyung,
Hello hyung.
Again, congratulation for the wedding and the baby! You will be a great dad I am sure of that. I can see how happy you are at your wedding, that it makes me happy too for you.
But hyung, when you read this letter I probably already miles away away away from where you are. I decided to continue my study at Australia. So far huh? Me, the one who cried my eyes out when you are going to move one hour away, is actually now a continent away..
I am sorry I can’t say goodbye in person.. you looked so happy after the wedding that I don’t want to ruined your happiness.. more like I don’t want to see the hapiness falter into sadness. I am sorry..
But you know how important you are in my life, just one word from you for me not to go, I will stay. But I can’t hyung. I want to chase my dream. This is my dream. I will learn music production here, I want to chase my dream. I am sorry for being a coward..
Hyung, I can let you go now because you are not alone. You have your wife and soon to be child. You will be fine, so don’t be too sad okay? I told Soobin, Huening and Taehyun to check up on you. Taehyun went into SNU too like you! So he will watch you for me. I told mom too, to help you with the newborn later! She is good with baby you know, I meant she is good at raising me heheh.
Hyung you have a whole village for you, don’t ever be afraid. Hyung, since I was a child, I look up to you a lot. The hyung who will always take care of me. Sometimes I think it’s nice being sick since I got to cuddle you. You are like a star for me hyung, where you shine so brightly in my eyes. I hope you will never lose those shines no matter what. Keep shining like the Yeonjun I grew up with. I hope even though in the future when you are taking over uncle’s company, you will still have the glow that you have now.
Hyung, please be happy.
Goodbye hyung, until next time.
Your cub.
Yeonjun pulls out his phone as soon as he finishes reading the letter and dials Beomgyu’s number. His eyes glisten with tears already. “C’mon, Cub, pick up.”
“He’s probably on the plane now, Yeonjunnie. He can’t pick up…” Naeun says softly to the crying alpha in front of her.
“No... no…” he mutters, calling again and again as the call keeps going straight to voicemail. “Beomgyu… please…”
Naeun stands and walks over to Yeonjun, wrapping her arms around him when she notices how his usual white musk scent turns bitter. She gently pats his head, just like she always does to comfort her own child. “Yeonjun, please try to understand Beomgyu…”
Being held like this and hearing what Naeun says makes everything feel even more real. His Cub is gone. His Cub is now far away from him. That’s his breaking point… he sobs. He clutches the beta’s apron and cries hard into her embrace. Seeing him break down like this upsets her, just like it upset her to see Beomgyu break down the other day. She hopes there’s a way for them to be okay together but they both need to find their own happiness.
“You will be okay Yeonjun, you still got us all here. Let Beomgyu find his own life there yes? Just like how you find your own life in collage. He need this. I am sorry for the way things go for both of you..”
And somehow, this time, when the winter almost over— it becomes the coldest of all.