Work Text:
"That was intense," Eddie said as he pulled his tie from the back of his neck,
He looked straight at Buck who had been silent since the second they had entered the church earlier that day,
He had looked distant with the same expression for a whole day,
Eddie knew that the first stage of the five stages of grief was denial/repression but Buck seemed completely detached,
Bobby was Eddie's captain, one of the people he had learned the most from and he loved and respected him with all his heart every moment he knew he was now peacefully buried made his heart ache, but he couldn't imagine what it was like for Buck,
From the second he met Buck he hadn't stopped talking about Bobby, how much of a father figure he was to him, how much he cared for him, and made him think about how important his life was as much as anyone else's,
he taught him to cook, bake, fix things, how to tie a tie, and most importantly he taught him to have healthy relationships with people,
No, he couldn't imagine what it was like For Buck,
all he knows is that Buck fell apart the second Bobby died and after that nothing, a complete emotional disconnect, he's there for everyone and everyone assumes he's okay...but, you never know,
Buck suddenly realized the situation, Eddie was here, in his apartment, which was his... Should he go? Leave? He didn't think about the fact that Eddie would come back and he would be stuck in his house,
"E..Edds" Buck said in a quiet voice that was almost inaudible,
And Eddie immediately looked up so happy to see that Buck was talking to him,
Buck: "Right now I'm kinda...I took over the house that's yours and...you're back I...um I can get a hotel room..or go to Maddie's...I..."
Eddie was shocked for a moment and then shook his head dismissively:
"Buck it's been a long day for all of us...besides it's your apartment right now...I'm the guest, let's go to sleep and let this day be over"
When Buck came to speak again Eddie added: "Please"
Well...Buck can't argue with that, he nodded his head in agreement and even offered Eddie a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes,
No matter how much Buck tries to show he's okay he can't keep up this show forever,
But Eddie doesn't push for Now...
Besides, he's really tired so he finishes taking off his clothes, staying in his Short sleeves shirt and wearing sweatpants he borrowed from Buck that are ridiculously big on him but comforting,
Buck disappears into his bedroom, which used to be Eddie's and that thought is also a little comforting,
and he returns two minutes later dressed similarly to Eddie, only... in a warm hoodie with 118 LAFT printed on it,
"Eddie...this was your house and you're a guest I won't let you sleep on the couch I'll give you my bed"
Eddie couldn't believe it: "Buck considering the situation I'm not judging your way of thinking but what the hell makes you think I'm going to take your bed?"
"Eddie I don't have the energy to argue," Buck said in a weak but firm voice,
"Fine" Eddie blurted out, "because this discussion doesn't continue from here"
And in closing he allegedly sat down on the couch and took off his shoes
"Good night Evan".
He smiled at him as he lay back down,
"Eddie please I don't like it"
For a moment Eddie was almost tempted by his request just because it was the only thing Buck had asked of him and he looked so tormented, but...he wouldn't take the slightest ounce of comfort from Buck,
"Good night Evan Buckley" Eddie repeated to himself as he placed a hand over his eyes and made himself comfortable on the couch,
Buck let out a sigh and went to at least get Eddie a blanket and pillows,
When he returned he found that Eddie had already fallen asleep and he covered him gently with a thin wool blanket that he knew he loved,
and maybe stared at him for a second too long but it made his wounded heart expand a little so he did it and then he headed to his room,
Not that he expected to sleep tonight...
Two hours later Eddie woke up in a panic when he heard a popping noise coming from Buck's room,
He jumped to his feet and ran blindly to Buck's bedroom...the room that was his...their room?
Only to find the bed empty and tidy as if Buck had never been in it.
"Buck"??
He called out in a panicked voice,
Then he looked back and saw the bathroom door closed and a light peeking out from under it,
Now he called out in a more urgent and panicked voice "Buck??"
He pounded on the door and tried to open it,
The door was locked.
"Buck Estimado please open the door"
When he heard nothing he broke the door like the fireman in him knew how to do by heart,
He saw broken glass on the floor everywhere and blood...lots of blood and finally...Buck awkwardly curled up in himself in a sitting position near the toilet,
"Buck!!! Buck..."
He knelt on the floor next to him,
He saw Buck holding his wounded and bleeding hand in his sweater pocket,
Buck smashed the mirror on the medicine cabinet now Eddie realized that,
Buck was bleeding a lot,
Buck sat there all small and trembling looking at Eddie in pure pain as he sobbed: "Bobby.....Captain Bobby Nash is dead"
Eddie feels his heart break into a thousand pieces,
"Ho Evan Mi Amor"
"Eddie...Eddie, you don't understand....you weren't there" Buck says with a little anger,
Buck continues between breaths "He...told me to be...to be strong...f...for everyone...I c...ca...can't...I'm not strong...Eddie...he's dead...no...I couldn't s...sa..save him..."
His breathing quickens and quickens and he can't breathe while shaking, talking, crying, and panicking,
"Buck...I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone and you had to watch this but please take a deep breath before you overbreathe"
But Buck doesn't stop, he's stuck in a loop
He holds his injured hand tightly and continues to explain: "He was in front of me...he...he...closed the doors...I could have gotten in...I wouldn't have let him...I wouldn't have let him die...e...ed...Ed...Eddie....please let it...that this is a dream"
"Buck in and out like we've practiced with victims dozens of times"
At this moment, Buck is having a hard time breathing and he's looking at Eddie with a look of horror that his breathing is too fast and he's not getting any oxygen,
He almost starts to choke when Eddie does the stupidest thing but the only thing that will help Buck hold his breath for a moment is to bring his face dangerously close to Buck's and connect their lips together,
Then it becomes quiet, he stays like that for a few seconds connected to Buck, taking in some of the suffering and the salty taste of the tears,
Buck doesn't move away or make an effort to kiss him, he simply adapts his lips to the shape of Eddie's lips and stays there for a few seconds,
Finally, Eddie pulls away and for a moment he looks down in embarrassment,
when he sees all the blood on the floor he grabs Buck's bloody hand in his and raises his gaze to meet bucks gaze,
Buck stares at him silently, his breathing no faster, there are fresh traces of tears on his face,
"Eddie..." Buck began,
And Eddie immediately tried to explain-
"I was just trying to help...I saw it in some movie...it doesn't have to mean too much..."
But then Buck connected their lips again with more force and passion and this time it was Eddie's turn to freeze but he stiffened quickly and returned to Buck with the same passion he gave and...man this felt so right,
he felt the broken part where he was fixing Buck's broken part and at that moment so many silent words were said,
and...God there was even a tongue there,
Buck broke the kiss and gasped for air. Eddie stared at him with a needy look and so full of inner understanding.
When Buck cleared his throat and explained: "That...it momentarily silenced all the voices and thoughts in my head,
All I felt was where my lips began and...your tongue ended."
"Buck, it...was okay." Oh, it was more than okay.
"I'm really sorry I wasn't there...I wish I could help." Eddie said softly as he wiped traces of dry tears from Buck's face.
Eddie continued:
"Don't think for a moment that you're not strong enough. You were there for all of us. Tough as a shell while you were breaking down on your own.
I'm sure Bobby sees you now and he could never be prouder."
Buck smiled a real smile for the first time in two weeks but with a lot of pain.
"Thank you, Eddie...and you helped...and help a lot. Just the fact that you're here now. Things would have been complicated without you here.
The house...felt empty, haunted"
"I'm here now" He looked down at the mess and stood up, offering Buck his hand "Let's fix you"
Buck sat on the toilet seat quietly while Eddie cleaned and bandaged his bruises and cuts,
Eddie gave him the quiet, he seemed to be thinking things over himself,
Eddie stood up "You're ready and dressed let's go change clothes and sleep"
and he gestured with his gaze to his 118 LAFT hoodie that was soaked in blood, this matter had more meaning than either of them would like to admit,
Buck was a complete and tired lump of flesh, he let Eddie stand him up and drag him to the bedroom,
Eddie pulled a new hoodie from the closet and helped Buck change, eventually, Buck lay down in bed exhausted from the recent events, while Eddie cleaned the bathroom full of glass and blood,
Eventually, he finished helping as much as he could and was about to leave the room when he heard: "Eddie...please don't sleep on the couch"
Buck looked so tired and insecure that he seemed to be asking for it with his last strength before drifting off into a deep sleep,
When Eddie looked at him with a confused look he added: "I have a double bed for some reason"
Eddie smiled at him and couldn't refuse. He went to turn off the light in the hallway and went under the covers to approached Buck.
This statement echoed in Eddie's head,
Did Buck mean that his double bed was for Eddie?
The second he approached Buck, their bodies seemed to connect automatically and Eddie's hands surrounded Buck's tired form and Buck curled up on Eddie's chest, playing with his fingers on the sides of his shirt.
After a minute of silence,and thoughts, Buck said something that could have sounded sexual at any other time but was completely innocent: "Eddie...can you help me silence my thoughts again as only you could?"
He swallowed and continued: "Like...you did before."
And who is Eddie to refuse?