Chapter Text
Chu Wanning was a respectable man. Educated, organized, professional; He had a respectable career and respectable prospects. The professor seemed to have nothing to hide. His students understood he was tough but stern, his colleagues knew his cold exterior was more than made up for in his independent studies and work ethic for the university, and both of these had earned him their (sometimes reluctant) admiration. All in all, Chu Wanning was a respectable man.
Except, he had recently gained a secret hobby. A shameful, deviant hobby, which he held under utmost lock and key.
It all started when his student Mo Ran had gained a new habit. Chu Wanning was used to needing to redirect the boy’s attention back to their lesson, apparently lectures were not Mo Ran’s forte, yet this day in particular when the lecture reached thirty minutes and he instinctively glanced over, he found himself greeted with a new sight.
Mo Ran’s 2B orange pencil, new and piercingly sharp, was caught between a set of pearly canines and bottom incisors, gradually being worn down. All while dark eyes remained focused on Chu Wanning.
The professor faltered—Why on earth was his student eating his pencil like that?
Mo Ran looked around, confirming that Chu Wanning was in fact paused looking at him, and lowered his pencil. “Something wrong, professor?”
Why is your pencil in your mouth??
He said nothing, simply squinting and turning back around. What an odd thing; his mind continued to dwell, stuck on the thought of an adult student of his with a pencil in his mouth. And those canines, digging roughly into the wood…
“It’s an oral fixation.”
Chu Wanning tensed again and flicked his head back around, snapping; “A what?”
“An oral fixation,” Mo Ran said, a shy tilt to his eyebrows forming in the middle. “It helps me focus.”
Preposterous! But, with no real reason to call it so (Chu Wanning had never heard of an “oral fixation,” and thus might embarrass himself to discredit a potentially very real thing), Chu Wanning huffed and turned back to the whiteboard, furiously continuing whatever equation he’d long finished by now. Since it had been complete though, his additions suddenly made it much more difficult to solve, and Chu Wanning felt the tips of his ears growing red as he realized it’d take a moment for even him to know the answer.
He and the class stared at the board silently.
“…”
“This—“ Chu Wanning paused to settle himself, then turned to face his students calmly. “This question will be extra credit on your upcoming assignment this weekend. For your sake, I hope you give it a try.”
With a sideways glance to his computer, the screen revealed that class was nearly complete, and Chu Wanning breathed an internal sigh of relief. The students naturally began packing up their things, which freed the professor of their attention to go collect his own items. He took another look at the board, sizing up the equation; With a settled head, it wasn’t too much of a challenge. He actually found himself looking forward to which of his students would give it a try, and further, which would succeed.
“Have a good rest of your day, Professor Chu!”
The bright voice of Xue Meng drew Chu Wanning’s attention over to his top students lingering by the door. Mo Ran, a large shadow behind Xue Meng, looked like he was placating the boy by not running ahead without him. Chu Wanning nodded in acknowledgement to Xue Meng. “You too, Xue Meng.”
Xue Meng beamed and hurried out the door, followed by a slower, smiling Mo Ran.
“Thank you professor,” he said casually. Then, he too disappeared through the door.
꒷ ︶꒦ ꒷ ❦ ꒷ ꒦︶ ꒷
When Chu Wanning got home that night, he made food. He never had been good at cooking, but ever since leaving home he’d had to make due. So he knew the basics; Toss things in boiling water to make soup, wrap cooked (i.e. not-raw) things in purchased wrappers to make wontons. Easy.
His wontons that night were not his best.
Something about the filling, he wondered if he’d not cooked his vegetables long enough, because his first bite revealed a tough crunch that he hadn’t expected. The flavor was alright though, otherwise he’d likely have thrown it out and ordered something that wouldn’t arrive for another thirty minutes. As he sat in the ill-lit room, eyes zoning out over piles of disorganization, he found his mind drifting back to class.
It’s an oral fixation. His eyes squinted. Subconsciously, Chu Wanning’s teeth dug into his wonton, this time slowly without the intention of actually biting. His tongue ran over the skin of the wonton, teeth digging in deeper until they met resistance that’d truly warrant a bite. Probably an undercooked cut of bok choy, Chu Wanning thought. Then he realized what he’d been doing.
Startled, he nearly flung the wonton. How absurd! A grown man playing with his food, thinking about some fad his student probably made up—Chu Wanning huffed and shoved his chair out from his table. That’s it , he thought; I’m getting answers.
Pushing away from the table, Chu Wanning stormed to his laptop, which lay askew on his messy desk. He lifted the screen, tapped the spacebar a few times impatiently, and opened a new tab as soon as it booted up.
> Oral Fixation
A simple enough search. If it was a real thing, he’d get easy results. If not, it’d be obvious from the start.
His search provided results.
“What is an Oral Fixation and How Does It Develop in Adults?”
“Perfect,” He said quietly, trusting the source of the clearly-medical article. He clicked the page and began to read aloud. “‘An oral fixation is the result of a person not receiving proper oral stimuli as a child, and can eat to unusual habits in adulthood…’ I’ll say.”
Chu Wanning scoffed slightly, but continued. “‘…unusual habits in adulthood, such as nail biting, or eating ice.’” He frowned. “Eating ice?”
His eyes skimmed lower in the passage, hoping to uncover something that specifically explained Mo Ran’s outlet.
“‘Though often outlets include alcoholism, pica, smoking, and overeating, lower scale examples can be seen in the chewing of nails, hoodie strings, and writing utensils.’”
Chu Wanning’s brow furrowed again, but this time in confusion. He couldn’t wrap his mind about why someone would feel the need to bite seemingly random objects. His eyes slowly drifted over to the pen sat innocuously atop his desk. It seemed to stare back at him.
Shoving his embarrassment aside, Chu Wanning grabbed the pen with more force than necessary. He stared at it again.
No one can see me. I’m alone in my apartment. Besides, this pen never leaves these walls anyway. No one will know if I…
He pursed his lips before experimentally reopening them and nudging the pen between his teeth. He bit.
...
“Well I don’t know what I expected,” he grumbled around the pen, rolling his eyes at how ridiculous he sounded. There was nothing to be said though; Biting a pen was biting a pen. Hard, plastic, and he dared not venture forward with his tongue out of fear of flavor and dirt. He was understanding less and less why Mo Ran would do such a thing to focus. Maybe someone had given the boy misinformation on the topic.
Chu Wanning looked back to his screen, pen still stubbornly between his teeth. He was determined to get to the bottom of this now.
“‘Alternatively, some oral fixations focus more on sucking; This is seen often with people sucking on thumbs, arms, lollipops/candy, or specialized toys. Sucking can serve as a means to ground ones’ self, which can sometimes help in focus the same ways as chewing…”
The article continued, but Chu Wanning’s brow furrowed, stuck on this segment.
“Thumbs? Like a child?”
He glanced down at his own hand, hovering innocuously over the mouse. He couldn’t put a thumb in his mouth. He wouldn’t. And fingers, those were covered in germs from his keyboard no doubt, he’d last washed them nearly an hour ago before dinner. But still…
For science, he tells himself, lifting his hand to his mouth. Just the skin…
His tongue made contact with the base of his thumb, and the side of his palm slots neatly between his open lips. Okay, first part done. Chu Wanning experimentally ran his tongue over the skin. Not entirely unpleasant .. Perhaps there was some merit to be had in this theory. After a few moments, he found himself sucking instinctually, allowing himself to relax into the process, which proved oddly easy to do.
The skin on his tongue is dry and cracked from a lack of care, but the sensation both on his tongue and on his hand felt soft all the same. The wet warmth of his mouth, his tongue, running over the skin did something to him. His eyes lulled into slits. His breathing slowed down. He was.. relaxing.
At the realization of such an epiphany, Chu Wanning jolted back away from his hand. An embarrassing line of spit connected his skin still to his lip, which he furiously wiped away. What if someone had seen! (Unlikely, given that he was deep in his unlit, empty apartment, on a high floor, but Chu Wanning’s embarrassment knows no such bounds.)
He stared at his hand as if it had betrayed him. With further thought though, it was really his mouth—no, his mind —that had betrayed him. Something had come over him during his lapse of sense. Something… oddly nice.
Chu Wanning closed his laptop and stormed off to wash his hand.
That was the end of that research.
꒷ ︶꒦ ꒷ ❦ ꒷ ꒦︶ ꒷
Two days later, Chu Wanning was back at his desk with shame curled low in his chest. He glared at his computer as he put in his keywords, projecting anger towards the poor screen simply complying with his requests.
“Oral fixation sucking advice”
HIs students must never know about this, he thinks quietly, glad to have a distraction once the results load in. He clicks the first link, eager to get an answer and be done with this as quickly as possible. The article is welcomingly titled “Oral Fixation: A Guide to Sucking for Beginners!”
Chu Wanning skims the article. He’d already gathered the necessary components from his last endeavor; He really just needed…
He wasn’t sure what he needed. Supposedly this article would tell him.
“Recommend starting small…’ ‘be patient…’ How odd, it’s not like I’ll choke on my hand.” Chu Wanning’s eyes were narrowed as he scanned the page. “It’s almost like they’re leaning into how infantilising this all is…”
A blush crept up his neck, but finally his eyes caught onto something he could use. Hyperlinked at the end of the article was a recommended list of “starter toys”, each with some reviews attached praising its attributes.
“So soft on the tongue, loved it for my first time!”
“10/10, I could not recommend a better toy than this one.”
“I’m usually scared about bigger sizes but this was perfect! Plus, in your mouth, it fits right in, no painful stretching here!”
Chu Wanning’s brows continued to furrow; What did she mean ‘plus, in your mouth’? Isn’t that the only place it’s going?
He combed through a few more of the reviews, though his embarrassment kept him from the more in-depth ones. Mentions of the object’s texture and size being “perfect” were recurring themes. Chu Wanning subconsciously began rubbing his tongue over the roof of his mouth, imagining what it would feel like to have something “soft” and “perfectly made” filling it. His lips pressed tighter together; He hadn’t yet realised how badly he wanted this.
Want could only cancel out so much humiliation though, and soon, Chu Wanning needed to purchase and be done with this ordeal for the evening. Scrolling back to the hyperlink, he noticed an option beside it: “Buy Now”
An immediate purchase? Perfect for his thin face.
The button took him to a checkout screen where, luckily for Chu Wanning, he only needed to type in his credentials. (He’d memorised them years ago which proved particularly helpful now, when he wanted this over as fast as possible.)
Soon enough, the purchase went through, and a confirmation arrived in Chu Wanning’s inbox. Three days.
He could wait for three days.
Chu Wanning closed the laptop and retreated into his bed, rolling into the covers and curling up tight. Idly, he considered sucking his skin again to soften his mind up for sleep, but thought better of it. That night though, he slept particularly well, dreaming of sweets and vague soft shapes weighing comfortingly on his tongue.
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The day the package was set to arrive, Chu Wanning was stressed. Maybe he’d just caught it from his students entering finals, maybe it was just the papers piling up on his desk compounding with the work from his independent studies, or maybe it was both of those compounding with the budding imposter syndrome as he stood in power while awaiting on what was essentially an adult pacifier to arrive at his house.
He cringed at the thought and prayed that whatever he’d ordered was somewhat discreetly designed. Not that it would ever be leaving his house.
The end of classes brought a relief to Chu Wanning, but also an additional layer of tension for the package waiting for his return home. Luckily though, as he gathered his papers, someone approaching pulled him from his thoughts.
“Professor,” Mo Ran said, leading with his head as he walked. Something was behind his back, Chu Wanning noted. He met the youth’s eyes.
“I tried my hand at the problem from Monday.” From behind him, Mo Ran pulled out a paper, indeed marked with the same, albeit sloppily written, equation. He smiled awkwardly and glanced to the side, “I know I’m not nearly as smart as some students here, but I felt bad being the one who distracted you, so I figured…”
He trailed off for a moment as if looking for something to say; As if his approach to the teacher had been completely impulsive. “I figured I’d put in the effort, see if I could impress you.”
Chu Wanning’s eyes widened slightly. Of all the guesses he might’ve had, the words “impress you” had evaded every one. See if I could impress you .
‘I wanted to impress you.’
“Professor?”
Phoenix eyes snapped up. “Yes—I can look it over this evening. You didn’t need to do this.”
Though he meant it gently, the words came out harsh. He could see it in the way Mo Ran’s shoulders lowered ever so slightly. “Oh, yeah. I didn’t mean to give you more work—”
“It’s fine.”
“...”
Chu Wanning glanced at his desk piled high with other student’s ( required ) submissions, then back at the paper in his hand. The paper was smudged, graphite not sustaining itself through the journey in Mo Ran’s backpack. There was obvious evidence of erasing, reworking, even little margin notes where Mo Ran had gotten confused. Chu Wanning’s heart squeezed a bit at the idea of the boy going through the effort of this meaningless problem all for Chu Wanning. All to impress him.
All while the damn thing came from Chu Wanning being too awkward to speak properly to his student in the first place. Chu Wanning thought back to his secret research, then to the way he’d judged Mo Ran for sparking it all.
He felt the sudden urge to apologise.
Chu Wanning took a small breath and raised his eyes, “About Monday—”
At the same time as him though, Mo Ran had started, “Well I really should be off—”
The two froze in awkward silence. Mo Ran’s eyes widened a hair, desperate to know what Chu Wanning had been saying. “Laoshi?”
Chu Wanning bristled. He suddenly jerked his body towards his deck, “You should get going, I’ve kept you long enough.”
“I’m the one who stayed,” Mo Ran said with a small smile, teasing at Chu Wanning’s fiery state. He leaned forward and lowered his voice back to a neutral tone; “What was it you were saying? About Monday?”
The professor grit his teeth, before turning back to the boy. He took a heavy breath and leveled Mo Ran with a stare.
“It was unprofessional of me to draw attention to your…” He pursed his lips, then backtracked, “To you.”
Mo Ran raised his eyebrow. “Oh, that?” He smiled; “It was nothing, I can understand how it must’ve caught you off guard. It’s something I only recently discovered helps in classrooms, but I’d never meant to distract anyone by it.”
Chu Wanning nodded in understanding. For a moment, he considered sharing some of his research findings with Mo Ran, but his courage had already been used up in the apology. He’d correct his student’s understanding another day, perhaps after he’d had a chance to thoroughly explore this theory himself.
“Good. Well, if you’ll excuse me, we should both be going,” Chu Wanning said.
Mo Ran smirked lightly, “Why, got a date?”
Chu Wanning bristled like a cat. “You—Mo Ran, that is inappropriate!”
The boy merely chuckled and put his hands up in mock defense, backing towards the door, “Sorry Laoshi, you know my mouth can get ahead of me sometimes.” He grinned at his own joke, before winking and slipping through the door.
“I’ll see you next class, professor!”
As his voice receded, Chu Wanning was left standing, blushing furiously in an empty classroom. Chu Wanning ran over their interaction back and forth in his mind, stomping down the feelings it arose. That boy…
Chu Wanning shook his head—No! He would not indulge, would not give Mo Ran the satisfaction of those thoughts he’d tease out of his elder. Those feelings that’d make his fragile heart tremble in his ribs. Those eyes, faintly purple, that glinted with each playful taunt. ‘That boy’ indeed.
With a sweep of his arm, Chu Wanning gathered his remaining things sloppily into his open bag, and rushed out of the building. Thoughts of Mo Ran were better left unaddressed, and besides: Chu Wanning had a package to attend to.
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The box was unassuming. Chu Wanning supposed that was a good thing, saving him the face of some child’s toy packaging or worse, but he still took a while to open it. Eventually, he sighed and dug up his scissors—dangerously found under some papers on his bed—and opened the package.
When he pulled out the box within the box, Chu Wanning nearly combusted.
“What the hell?” Is this some kind of sick joke?!
A photograph of a large, shiny, soft purple penis was staring back at him. Though, upon closer (unwilling) inspection, what he held couldn’t fully be described as a penis.
Aside from the colour, the photo also presented him with unnatural… texturing. Beyond the mostly-realistic head (which Chu Wanning hated even thinking about the accuracy of), there was a rhythmic series of raised portions travelling down to the base, which obviously wasn’t connected to a body. The lack of balls was something he could be thankful for, but really, there wasn’t much Chu Wanning could salvage of his dignity as he sat there holding such an indecent thing.
This had to be some mistake. Perhaps he’d gotten his neighbor’s package accidentally, or maybe they’d sent the wrong item from the warehouse!
Yet, when Chu Wanning found the receipt and followed the product link, he paled at the sight of this thing now in action, being traced around a suspiciously enthusiastic young woman’s lips. “Purple Jelly Dildo with Suction!” the screen advertised. Chu Wanning glared disdainfully at it.
He followed his steps back to the original site he’d found this from; After all, an adult toys website couldn’t be faulted for existing. No, rather, it was the fault of a professional for sending him there in the first place!
But again, Chu Wanning was appalled at his past self, as the original article now painted itself in a new light. With clearer vision now, it was all too apparent what they’d been talking about in both the description and reviews.
So this was a toy he’d been recommended for this use. Plain and simple.
Chu Wanning wasn’t sure what to do.
…
Well he had gone through the trouble of purchasing the thing…
“Oh for god’s sake,” he muttered, angrily picking the box back up. He glared down at it, but knew he couldn’t rest till he’d seen this through. As shameful as it felt—as shameful as it was , Chu Wanning would have to suck this toy.
For science.
Ten minutes later after a thorough cleaning, drying, and stare-down, Chu Wanning sat on the free part of his bed with the dildo in hand. He’d discovered that it was slightly squishy, which he found bizarre but not unwelcome, and it swayed a bit unnaturally with movement. He couldn’t imagine how a real penis would feel (if he ever had to address his own, he’d often grind into the mattress shamefully until he was satisfied; touching with his own hand made him too conscious of the act.), but he was sure it was different than this. Raising the toy to his lips, he tried to push that thought from his mind. This was for research, not for… gratification. Think of what the article had said. Think of Mo Ran.
Hesitant pink lips touched the tip of the silicon, parting to take in the head slowly. As odd as it felt to hold it in his hand, Chu Wanning preferred this, easing it into his mouth like one might with food. The weight on his tongue immediately had him sighing, and he closed his eyes. Breathe . This wasn’t so bad.
Experimentally, Chu Wanning began to suck, and the soft give of the material invited him to suck harder. It felt oddly good , just like that first time with his hand—He couldn’t stop. He found himself breathing through his nose as he sucked harder at the tip and rubbed his tongue over the underside, embracing the soft feeling. Phoenix eyes lidded over flushed cheeks, before eventually falling closed.
What is this feeling? It’s so… Soft .
Unwittingly, a quiet whine peeled through his throat. Chu Wanning had never been soft. He’d always been too hard, harsh , cold.
He sank from his knees to his front, laying over the toy and sucking more as if second nature, now moving his head a bit as well. It just felt so natural, so right . The slight give of the material under his tongue as he found a rhythm that worked for him— This is what he needed, he realised. This floaty, gentle outlet, something to soften his edges. Maybe if Mo Ran saw him like this, he wouldn’t—
Suddenly the thought of Mo Ran’s mouth parted around the pencil flooded Chu Wanning’s mind, and his hips bucked on their own. Did Mo Ran ever feel like this?
No , his mind quickly corrected; Mo Ran used his teeth. Something about that pushed his hips harder into the mattress. Mo Ran was harsh with his things, using fangs and incisors to carve his way into them. But Chu Wanning was soft, molding himself around an equally malleable toy. They were just different, he supposed. Mo Ran was hard and pushing, Chu Wanning was…
Maybe Mo Ran would let him suck on his hand, he thought. A fleeting thought, but he whimpered again and bobbed his head deeper on the toy. He so desperately wanted it now, the thought of Mo Ran’s warm skin against his tongue, maybe even pressing, pushing. Would Mo Ran be harsh with his fingers the way he was with his teeth? Chu Wanning would let him. Mo Ran could even bite if he wanted—Chu Wanning didn’t know where exactly he’d bite, but he knew he’d allow almost anywhere in this state. Would Mo Ran like seeing him like this? Gentle?
His hips had been moving on their own for some time now, lost in the soft embrace of the fog in his mind, the blankets around him, the imagined breaths of Mo Ran’s open mouth along his shoulders and neck—
Chu Wanning moaned , and suddenly his entire body was tensing in that rare feeling. The toy fell from his lips as he whimpered and shivered, hips stuttering against the bed sheets as his arousal crested and he released in his briefs. His arms shook supporting his weight, before he let himself fall against the bed in exhaustion.
Never
had it felt like that, but he didn’t have the wherewithal to unpack it right now. Instead, he curled up on his side, feeling sleep overtake him from the edges of his mind.