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It wasn’t supposed to go so wrong.
Serizawa doesn’t know how things have even escalated to this point, but one second he was fully confident in himself when Reigen left him to tend to the office while he grabs lunch for them both, and the next second he’s spiralling out of sheer anxiety from being left on his own outside of the safety of his room for the first time in a while.
Being on the job alone for the first time is something he should be able to handle by now, what with all the training Reigen puts him under, but half an hour in and he feels like the world's crumbling under his very feet.
It started slowly; a tightness in his chest, clawing itself up his throat. He should’ve recognised the signs early on, but he brushed it off without a second thought. He knew it was too late when the panic began to seize his airway and take over, the familiar static feeling in his fingers sparking out of his control and lashing out before he can stop it.
It doesn’t matter how long he’s spent trying to shove down the anxiety and existential terror of functioning on his own, Serizawa can’t seem to find it in him to fix this part of him . His powers have always been the biggest roadblock to him wanting to better himself. At least back in Claw he could consider it a weapon, but here in the real world, Serizawa feels like he’s constantly trying to force an overflowed locker closed, filled to the brim and threatening to burst at any given point.
He’s curled himself into one side of the room, not daring to move. He’s reduced the office into nothing short of a mess, bathed nearly completely by the purple of his aura—Reigen’s vases and potted plants are levitating precariously over corners and near the walls and ceiling, there’s a thrumming in the floorboards and a visible vibration on every piece of furniture, unfilled paperwork he’s spent a good amount of time organising in their designated order floats around, the light overhead is flickering uncontrollably, and any time now the glass may shatter and the filament may burst to leave him in the darkness.
He’s trying to keep it all under control, to not to cause any serious damage, but nothing seems to calm the racing of his heart that drums like a trapped hummingbird in his ribcage.
Somewhere between a moment and an infinity later, the door swings open and familiar footsteps approach before stopping abruptly in surprise.
Reigen’s voice is oddly measured when he speaks. “Serizawa, what—”
His breath catches in his throat. Reigen’s not supposed to be here, not when Serizawa’s control is slipping out of him like this. “Sta-stay back!” He thrusts out an arm, sending a wave of psychic energy through the air. The trinkets and various knick knacks Reigen keeps in the office rattle. Some books fall off the shelf and promptly levitate in the air before they get a chance to touch ground. Reigen himself stumbles back at the sudden onslaught, an arm out to balance himself. The plastic bag in his hand leaves him to float with the books. Serizawa pulls his arms back guiltily. “D-don’t come near. You’ll– you’ll get hurt.”
A frown wedges itself in the small space between Reigen’s brows as he tries to regain his footing, a hand gripping the arm of the couch. Serizawa curls further into himself, peering up from behind his knees as Reigen takes stock of the situation.
Reigen’s face softens, then, and he takes a slow step forward, hand out placatingly like he’s dealing with a wild animal. Serizawa certainly feels like one.
“Hey,” Reigen says. Serizawa shuffles backwards to the wall and realises it’s as far as he could get. He shrinks into his knees further. “Hey, Serizawa, it’s okay.” Another step. Serizawa makes an involuntary choked sound in his throat.
“I-I said not to come near, Reigen-san.”
“I’m not afraid of your powers,” Reigen says. “I trust you won’t hurt me. Just tell me what happened.”
Serizawa digs his fingers into the minimal flesh of his knee, feeling the hard just of his bone there. “I—” His breaths are still coming out ragged, but something worn and exhausted rises in his throat beneath the panic. “I lost control again, I-I thought I had it handled, and you trusted me to keep th-things in order but I messed up again because I can’t— my powers, Reigen-san, they’re— I am going to hurt you! Even if I try not to! Stay away! Please, just—”
Reigen doesn’t. Instead he removes the distance between them entirely. Before he knows it, he’s face-to-face with a crouching Reigen, his usually deft hands hovering unsurely over him. Small, fearful little sounds leave him before he can stop them.
“Serizawa,” he says, “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have left. I-I didn’t realise you weren’t ready, and, I… I misjudged things. I must’ve foreseen the fact that you’re a newbie here. I shouldn’t have— It’s my fault. I— whoah!” Serizawa’s grip on his knees tighten when Reigen floats upwards, flailing slightly. Serizawa squirms to the side to get some distance away.
“I-I told you, it’s— my powers, I can’t—”
“No, no, this is fine.” Reigen flails some more. “This is—” There’s sweat beading over his temple, a nervous energy to him. Serizawa thinks it looks unfitting for somebody like Reigen, who’s always confident and put together. The kind of person Serizawa aspires to be. The kind of person he should be. “Dammit— What do I usually say when Mob’s like this again? Oh, right—” Reigen’s hands land on his shoulders and he flinches only slightly. The grip is tight, but loose enough not to hurt—Serizawa thinks he’s trying to anchor himself to avoid floating higher up, but that isn’t the move he would do when he’s the reason Reigen’s airborne to begin with. “Hey, breathe with me. It’s gonna be okay.”
Reigen takes his hand and lays it over his chest. Serizawa feels the steady beat of his heart. He tries to pull away, but Reigen won’t let it budge.
“N-no, you need to get away before I do anything that mig—”
“With me, come on.” Reigen cuts off, then swiftly takes an exaggerated inhale through his nose, “In through your nose—” He exhales steadily through his mouth. “Out through your mouth. And again.” He repeats the same process several times, giving him an encouraging nod and reassuring words throughout it. Serizawa doesn’t know what else to do, and his efforts to get Reigen to stay away only prove to be futile, so he tries to follow his instructions instead.
His first few attempts to copy Reigen’s guiding breaths fail miserably. A spark of pain hits him in the chest at each one, sending him into a coughing fit that lasted longet than he’d like. Reigen is patient throughout it all, and Serizawa thinks that’s the worse out of everything. “In… out. In… and out. That’s it. It’s okay, take it slow, Serizawa. Hey, it’s alright.”
It takes a moment. Once his breath settles down, the room seems less like everything is about to explode. Some of the books and potted plants have even returned back to the ground.
When he’s finally calmed down enough to slowly bring Reigen back down and cut the tether around him, severing the ones he has on other things in the office while he’s at it, Reigen gives him a relieved smile.
“See? Knew you could do it.”
Serizawa gives him a wobbly, but grateful nod. He wants to say thank you, but he doesn’t quite trust his voice yet.
“Let’s get you seated, big guy.” Reigen guides him to the couch, and Serizawa feels too exhausted to do much of anything but comply. The post-panic adrenaline crash is settling in, like it always does, and he slumps into his seat and lets the tension melt out of his bones. A moment seems to blip out of him, and he only realises Reigen’s left when he’s returned with a steaming mug of tea.
He sets it on the table, gestures at it, then at Serizawa, then flashes a smile before he takes a seat beside him. Serizawa manages a small “thank you” and takes the drink to let the heat over the surface of the mug warm his numb fingers a little.
“Tell you what,” Reigen flicks his eyes briefly to the clock hanging at the far wall, “It’s only a couple hours till closing time, anyway. After we finish lunch—” He produces the earlier plastic bag, which apparently has been on the couch beside him sometime during Serizawa’s zoning-out, and it makes a soft thump and a quiet rustle as it’s placed on the table. “what do you say we close up shop early?”
Serizawa hums, takes a sip. He attempts to make eye contact, thinks better and decides instead to look at Reigen’s forehead and the bits not covered by his fringe, fingers flexing nervously when he sets the mug back down.
“S-sure,” he says, clearing his throat in an attempt to shake off the tremble in his voice. “Thank you, Reigen-san…”
Reigen’s smile turns into something gentler, far less like the ones he displays to clients and far more like the ones he gives Shigeo-kun when he isn’t looking. “Of course,” he says, “No need to thank me.”