Archive of Our Own

“You’re a good man, Finn,” Poe says after Takodana, and he means it. Without Finn, Poe
would be dead already, probably blasted out of one of the Finalizer’s airlocks. Drifting into space forever, a failure to the Resistance and - a failure to Kei.

“I need your help,” Finn says, urgent, and Poe nods, even as his eyes track movement behind Finn’s shoulder. He can see the very familiar mop of Kei’s dark curls as he sits in his mother’s arms, a hand thrown towards Poe. They wait on the edges of the landing pad, Otara’s black hair whipping around her face.

There are so many things to do, so many plans to make, and he needs to bring Finn to General Organa, right now. On their way to the command, Poe stops by Kei and Otara, squeezing her shoulder and brushing his fingers down Kei’s cheek, giving him a kiss.

“Hey, buddy.”

Finn stops a few steps ahead of Poe, momentum broken, and he blinks surprisingly at Poe, but doesn’t say anything.

“I’ll be back later,” Poe promises both Otara and Kei through the bustle on base, but Otara’s the only one to nod. Kei’s barely one.

“Go,” Otara commands, pushing gently at Poe’s shoulder. He does.

;;

Finn is intent on finding Rey and saving her from the First Order, which is both commendable and foolish, not that Poe can, or wants to judge. He gets it; there is very little he wouldn’t do for his loved ones, and he doesn’t doubt that Finn already thinks of Rey as his friend, if not more. He’s not even mad about the spark of jealousy that flares up in his stomach at the thought - he may have met Finn first, and he may have given him a name, but it doesn’t make Finn his. It shouldn’t. Finn is free, for the first time in his life - this is the part that matters, not Poe’s attraction to Finn, his moral fiber and his recklessness.

Finn is intent on finding Rey, and Poe is intent on saving the Republic and all the lives he’s sworn himself to protect. Poe’s intent on saving his family. It’s a good thing it all fits together.

;;

As always before a big mission that Poe isn’t sure he’ll come back from, Poe spends the night with Kei. It’s a peculiar thing, he thinks, how much he misses Kei when he’s not around him, and how content he is in moments like right now - even if Kei is drooling on his shirt, fast asleep.

It’s not like - Poe didn’t expect to have a child with a woman he didn’t end up committing to; it wasn’t how he’d planned for things to happen. He didn’t even think about having children until after or close to the time he retired from piloting, following in his parents’ footsteps.

But here he is, and he could have found a much worse person than Otara to share a child with. It’d been a fling during quiet times in the Navy, but once she found out she was pregnant, they both agreed to have the baby; there was a part of Poe that thought it might be his only chance to be a father. He and Otara didn’t keep on seeing each other, but to this day they remain close friends, which makes it easier to co-parent.

She dropped Kei off at Poe’s quarters just before his bath, letting Poe dote on his kid for a couple of hours before Kei drifted off to sleep, baby snores against Poe’s collarbone. Since then Poe has barely moved, just holding Kei, allowing his son to soothe the bubbling anxiety at the edges of Poe’s thoughts.

A soft rasp of knuckles against his doorframe makes Poe’s train of thought snap back to reality. His door is open and he can see Finn standing there, his features a little twisted. “Poe, I -” he starts, but Poe interrupts him, motioning for Finn to come inside.

“C’mon, c’mon, let me introduce you,” he says, gesturing Finn closer. “This is Kei,” he adds, looking down at his sleeping son.

“I don’t - I had no idea.”

Poe hasn’t known Finn for very long, but he didn’t seem the speechless kind. Poe chuckles, rocking Kei a little when he snuffles.

“Well, I didn’t really have the chance to tell you, did I? Man, you look like you’ve never been around a baby before,” he says, mindlessly, before stopping, looking up at Finn as realization dawns on him. “Have you ever been around a baby before?”

Finn frowns. “No. Not really. He is - he’s cute,” he adds, reaching out before retracting his hand.

“Like father like son, am I right?” Poe jokes, and Finn chuckles.

“Let’s hope he develops humility, although around you he might not get to.”

“You wound me,” Poe gasps, pouting at Finn. Finn grins, all crooked and his eyes crinkling at the corners. “And you should go get some sleep,” he adds more seriously after a moment, looking at Finn. The skin under his eyes looks thin, fragile. “Big day tomorrow.”

Finn scratches his throat and looks down at his fingers. “Yeah. Yeah.”

“Finn,” Poe says, softly, and waits until Finn looks at him again. “We’ll be okay. Rey’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, okay.”

;;

They survive. Somehow, strangely, they survive, though not all of them. Poe allows himself to grieve for his friends, for the people under his command that he’s lost, but only after the debriefings, after completing the map, after seeing Rey off. He sits down on his bed, after all this, and drags a hand down his face.

They lost so many.

“Poe?”

Poe looks up, startled, to see Otara there, holding a babbling Kei in her arms. He’s barely had time to even say hello to them both since he got back from Starkiller Base. “Oh, hey.”

“Can I leave him with you? I’m needed in medical.”

Her words make Poe’s mind flash back to Finn, rolled to medbay, unconscious and broken down. Poe inhales sharply through his nose, forcing himself to not think about it. “Of course,” he replies, holding out his arms for Kei, “Wanna stay with Daddy, buddy?”

“Dada!” Kei replies, bouncing happily. He has no concept of what’s just happened, the enormity of the battle the Resistance wagered, the depth of the loss they’ve suffered. He’s just happy to see his dad again, oblivious and innocent and beautiful. Poe envies him.

“Yeah that’s right,” Poe murmurs in Kei’s hair once he’s been transferred from Otara’s arms to Poe’s. He and Otara share a smile; he can guess she’s not only bringing him Kei because she needs it - she knows Poe well enough that he needs it, too. “Thanks.”

“Right back at ya,” she says, before rushing out.

;;

Fact is, Poe’s exhausted. He spent so long riding the adrenaline rush of the battle that for a while, he felt like he was never going to crash, but he is. Oh, he so is. Every breath reminds him of his aching muscles, the tension ebbing out slowly and leaving him feeling like his whole body is one giant bruise. He reeks, too, stale air and sweat that he carries around like a cloud, that makes even Kei how his discontent, with very strongly worded babbling and an unhappy face.

“Yeah, I agree buddy, I definitely need a wash. Wanna join me? Should we take a bath?” Poe asks, because it’s time for Kei’s bath anyway - he has a strict schedule to follow to keep Kei sleeping as well as possible, and he’s determined to stick to it. It’s not because he’s back for a longer timeframe than a few hours that he can start messing up Kei’s habits.

Getting them both in the bath is no easy task. Poe’s careful with it, filling the standard tub, a luxury - Poe would have been happy with a sonic shower but there’s something indescribable about being able to use hot water - a few inches and using the showerhead to rinse himself off as Kei splashes around on the other end, his little Rebel Alliance pilot doll getting dunked unceremoniously over and over.

Poe grabs his son around the waist, tickling him just to get him laughing, little legs kicking wildly, before he soaps them both up, Kei mirroring his movements a little, not entirely coordinated. Kei blows bubbles at Poe’s face when Poe washes his hair, reaching up to try and help when Poe does his own. They play for a while, both of them with soap suds in their hair, before Poe rinses them both off, hugs Kei close to his chest, unwilling to ever let go.

He gets the two of them wrapped up in towels before he catches their reflection in the small mirror above the sink, and leans closer, Kei pressing his fingers to the mirror. To Poe, they look strikingly similar, from their dark curls to the curve of their lips, but Kei has his mother’s eyes and, thankfully, her nose.

Kei’s beautiful, and alive, and he’s Poe’s.

;;

Poe spends many hours at Finn’s bedside in medbay. Not only does Otara turn a blind eye to the odd hours he tends to keep, but it also makes it easier for her to steal a moment with Kei when she’s working and Poe’s around, Kei snuggled close in the sling Otara’s got him to use when he’s on base.

When Rey walks into Finn’s little room in medbay, Poe is dozing on the chair by his side, Kei a warm and comforting weight against his chest. She approaches with such silent steps that Poe doesn’t even notice her until she’s right by his side, looking down at Finn, her eyes wet with unshed tears.

“Oh, hi,” Poe says, blinking the blur out of his eyes. “I’m Poe.”

Rey turns to him, looking almost surprised that he’s here, like she was so focused on Finn she didn’t even notice. “Poe!” she whispers, awe Poe doesn’t feel he deserves in her voice. “You’re BB-8’s master - you saved Finn’s life,” she adds. “I’m Rey.”

Poe smiles, gesturing for the other chair, and she sits, her knees together and toes pointed inward, leaning forward, elbows on Finn’s bed, almost close enough to touch him.

“I know who you are, Rey,” Poe replies. “And - Finn saved my life, too, you know. While you,” he pauses, meeting Rey’s eyes. She looks worried about what he’s going to say, a tiny frown creasing her brow. “You saved BB-8, and Finn, and you - just. Thank you,” he ends with. There’s so much more he’d like to say but there’s also no reason to put such a burden on her shoulders. There’s enough pressure as it is.

Rey smiles, biting her lip and looking down, her eyes catching Kei, strapped comfortably against Poe. “Oh, hey. Is he yours?”

Poe nods, hand rubbing Kei’s back. “Yeah. His mother’s working, so I’m pulling a double babysitting shift,” he replies with a grin, and Rey lets out an aww before chuckling, turning back to Finn, her hand dropping to hold his.

“Was he reckless when he saved you, too?” Rey asks, all soft and fond, and Poe’s heart grows three sizes in his chest, threatening to swallow him whole.

“That he was. More than you can imagine - he risked everything he’s ever known.”

Finn could say that it was about self-preservation and survival, Poe’s still aware that he risked a lot more than he realizes to save them both. He could have - there were many ways he could have ended up defecting, and not find himself embroiled in the Resistance, but. Here he is.

“Oh, Finn,” Rey breathes out, a murmur that was not intended for Poe at all. Poe agrees with the sentiment all the same.

;;

It's a strange thing, one that doesn't really happen gradually. One day, when he's still restricted to medbay, Finn asks Poe, with an uncertain tone to his voice, "Can I hold him?"

"Yeah, sure," Poe replies, staying close as he passes Kei to Finn. "You just - yeah, like that, a hand under him, keep him steady - there you go. Easy, right?" He asks with a smile and Finn grins back, looking down at Kei, whose head is already lolling on Finn's shoulder, his thumb in his mouth.

"You know, we were taught about development and all that when we were growing up, but it's still pretty strange to hold a baby in my arms. He's so small."

Poe smiles, brushing his fingers along the back of Kei's head. Kei seems to have taken to Finn immediately, and maybe it's all the time the two of them spent watching Finn sleep and heal that makes him feel comfortable in Finn's arms.

"Again, like father, like son," Poe says, echoing his words of a few weeks ago. It's weird to think about how everything had changed in between. Finn smiles, and sways a little, holding Kei close.

“Big enough to be a Hero of the Resistance.”

Poe chuckles, bumping his shoulder to Finn’s, gently - there are still so many scars, tears and rends that Finn needs to heal from. “Apparently, we come in all shapes and sizes.”

Poe could make a life trying to get that bashful look on Finn’s face again.

;;

Finn's convalescence happens more or less in Poe's quarters. It shouldn't, Finn's got his own room on base, but it doesn't matter when the best way he seems to sleep is when he's got Kei curled up against his chest.

Poe doesn’t question it. One night, he comes out of the refresher to see the two of them sleeping on his bed, Finn’s arm protectively bent around the curve of Kei’s spine, fingers just under his bottom, their heads close together like co-conspirators, and Poe leaves them be. He knows Otara prefers for Kei to sleep in his own cot and to learn to do so without any adults checking over him, but Finn and Kei are just too sweet in that moment, too peaceful - Poe doesn’t have the heart to wake either of them up just for the sake of good habits.

And then, it happens again. And again, and enough times that Poe feels the need to let Otara know.

“Don’t get mad,” Poe starts with as they sit down for lunch together, Kei strapped securely to her chest today, and Otara gives Poe a suspicious look.

“This is starting well,” she says, and she sort of sounds amused.

“I know,” Poe chuckles, running a hand over his face. “Sorry. How are you, Otie?”

“Spit it out, Dameron,” Otara says, spearing a potato with her fork as she says it. If Poe didn’t know better he’d think it was a threat.

“It’s just - okay, so you know how Finn’s been staying with me lately, while he recovers. And, um, recently he’s been falling asleep with Kei a lot, and I’ve let them, because they sleep so well that way. I swear, every time Kei’s only woken up like, once a night, if that. And he just settles and falls back asleep.”

Otara raises an eyebrow. “You thought I’d be mad?”

Poe shrugs. “You’re always talking about establishing patterns and healthy habits. No clue if this is healthy.”

“Well, it definitely is for Finn, at least - he had tons of nightmares when he was in medbay. Is he sleeping okay?”

Poe swallows around the sudden lump in his throat, thinking about all the reasons for Finn to have nightmares. He takes a sharp breath through his nose. “He seems to. When Kei’s around, he definitely is.”

“Okay. It’s going to get tough if Kei gets too used to it, but you know? He hasn’t had that much of a set schedule - I can’t keep it up with everything that’s going on around here, and with you coming in and out -” Otara holds up a hand when Poe opens his mouth to reply to that, keeping him quiet. “I’m not blaming you for it, Poe. It’s just a fact, it’s the way he lives and the way we live and it’s fine. It works. He’s healthy, he doesn’t even kick up much of a fuss at night. And if he likes Finn, and he sleeps well with him around, and vice versa, then let it happen. We’ll deal with the consequences when the time comes.”

;;

The Resistance base, on account of not having many babies running around, doesn’t really have a nursery. For that reason, Kei quickly became sort of everybody’s kid on base, babysat by anyone available when Poe’s off on missions and Otara’s got to work.

Poe will never forget the time he came back from a escort mission only to find Kei sitting on the main command center’s holotable, bracketed by Admiral Statura’s arms, looking completely enthralled by a map of the Mirrin system displayed as Statura pointed out different planets to him. Or the night where he was woken up by Karé coming into his room with a sobbing Kei in her arms, lost as to what to do after offering to look after him for a couple of hours.

Even BB-8’s kind of a babysitter from time to time, making his purring noises to lull Kei to sleep when nothing else works, little round body pacing around Kei’s cot. Sometimes he projects holovids on the ceiling, random little videos of baby animals and sometimes of Poe and Otara and people Kei knows, until Kei is fast asleep, snoring happily.

Everybody knows Kei, loves Kei, protects Kei, but Poe isn’t sure anybody’s taken to Kei as fast as Finn does.

;;

Finn lies down on the floor of the training room, panting hard and laughing at the same time, an arm thrown over his eyes. Poe sits by his side, shirt sticking to his back with sweat, the comfortable feeling of having worked out extensively spreading through his muscles.

“That was exhausting,” Finn says, making Poe laugh and poke at him with a foot.

“Come on now, you’ve had worse.”

Finn moves his arm to be able to give Poe an unimpressed look, lips pursed in amusement. “Well, yeah. I was a soldier. I guess - I am a soldier. Doctor Jokikama’s telling me I shouldn’t be ashamed of where I come from.”

Poe’s eyes jump to Finn’s, surprised - Finn’s not been talking about his therapy sessions much, only coming back from time to time with a tired slump to his shoulders, falling asleep almost immediately, all quiet and distant.

“Yeah?” Poe asks, careful; if Finn wants to talk about it, Poe will be here to listen. Otara told him it was the best he could ever do.

Finn nods. “I think, maybe at some point I’ll get there. At the moment I’m still - whenever I think about the First Order, I just get this wave of fear, you know? I get this sudden urge to run away.”

“Did Doctor Jokikama say anything about that?”

Finn shrugs. “She says it’s normal. She says stuff like ‘you shouldn’t be afraid of fear’, and then she teaches me things to help, like, exercises. Lists and writing in diaries and stuff.”

“Does that help?”

Poe thinks back about his first few missions, about joining up the Resistance and suddenly finding himself embroiled in unofficial business that led to many near-deaths experiences, the kind that left him shaken and alive and vibrating with adrenaline, from which the crashes were hard and tough. He’d been speaking with Jokikama then, too.

But it can’t be anything compared to Finn, compared to the work he and Jokikama have to accomplish together, tearing down years of systematic brainwashing. There’s so much to go through, to allow Finn to accept himself for who he is, with a whole personality that no one wants to take away from him, and freedom of choice and will.

“Yeah. Maybe. I think so. I don’t want to stop, if that means anything. She lets me ramble and she doesn’t get angry about it.”

“She deserves medals, just for that,” Poe teases, and Finn punches his leg lightly in response. “C’mon, we should free the room.”

Poe gives Finn a hand to get up from the floor, and if he lingers, well, he doesn’t have to admit it to anyone.

;;

“Ah - ah!” Finn says, holding his hand out for Kei, who drops a grape in the middle of Finn’s palm, sticky with juice and sugar. “Thank you, Kei,” he says before popping the grape in his mouth, grinning when Kei claps happily.

Poe just - he just looks at them, eyes darting from his datapad regularly, unable to keep focus on the mission brief in front of his eyes when Finn and Kei are sitting together on his bed, legs crossed, Finn trying to teach Kei some intricate hand salute that has Kei falling over, laughing heartily.

It’s so cute it’s bound to make Poe’s teeth rot, and of course it doesn’t last; barely 5 minutes later, Kei is crying his eyes out, sounding distressed, and Finn gives Poe the most panicked looks as he stands up, holding his hands out. “I didn’t - I don’t know what -”

Poe smiles, reaches out to grab Finn’s elbow. “It’s okay. You’re okay,” he says, diverging his attention to his son, taking him in his arms. “He just gets cranky when he needs something and doesn’t know how to say it, huh, don’t you?”

Finn wrings his hands together, but Poe just grins easily, sniffing around Kei, who most definitely smells rotten. “Yep, it’s definitely not you, Finn. Man alive, what does your mother feed you, Keiki?” Poe ponders as he carries him to the refresher, starting to breathe through his mouth.

“Is that his full name?” Finn asks from the doorway, Poe busy undressing Kei.

“Huh? Oh, no, it’s just a nickname.”

Finn hovers behind Poe’s shoulder as he changes Kei, looking on like he’s taking notes about what and how to do it, a slight frown of concentration on his face, which makes Poe smile inwardly as he makes faces at Kei.

“Does it mean something special? Kei?”

“It’s pretty close to being a mix of my parents’ names, and Otara liked it,” Poe replies mindlessly. “I’d have liked my mother to meet him,” he adds, grabbing a clean onesie and putting it on a kicking Kei with practiced ease.

Finn surprises Poe by curling a hand around his forearm, making Poe look at him. There’s something on Finn’s face that look like a mix of sadness and anguish. Poe backtracks in his own head, trying to get to where he said something wrong.

“I’m sorry he didn’t get to meet her, either,” Finn says, voice soft.

“Finn - hey, are you okay?”

“I don’t remember my parents, you know? I don’t have a family,” Finn says, his eyes darting around the room like he’s trying not to cry, and Poe doesn’t even think about it; he pulls him close, hugging him with one arm, holding Kei with the other.

“You’ve got us, now. You’ve got us,” Poe whispers, closing his eyes tight.

;;

“Ah, what am I going to do with you, huh?” Poe asks Kei, later that night, his hand on Kei’s stomach, feeling it rise and fall as Kei sleeps, like a reassurance. He’s taking off for a quick recon mission the next day, but Otara is stuck in medical. “I’d take you with me if I could, buddy. Bit too young still, but I’ll show you the galaxy one day.”

The door opens then and Poe looks up, smiling as Finn walks in, munching on a ration bar. He’s got another one, which he tosses at Poe, who catches it mid-air.

“Thanks, Finn.”

“No problem. You should have dinner, though. Especially if you’re flying out tomorrow?”

Poe raises an eyebrow. “Where did you hear that?”

Finn grins, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Your pilots are a bunch of gossipy teenagers,” he announces like it’s news to Poe. Poe laughs, biting his lip guiltily when Kei fusses under his touch, making displeased noises.

“Shit, sorry Keiki,” he says to his son, before looking back to Finn, speaking softer. “Yeah, that they are. Shouldn’t be a long one, though, just some quick recon.”

Finn sits on the bed, “Anything I can do to help?”

Usually, Poe would say no - Finn is still sort of recovering, and from a lot more than just a physical injury, and he’s still learning his way around the base and around ships; he’s trying to decide what he wants to be as part of the Resistance, Poe thinks.

But Poe’s also in a bit of a tight spot here.

“Well, actually...It’s not really got to do with the mission or anything, but I, um,” Poe starts, looking down at the ration bar in his bar, feeling his cheeks flush.

“It’s gotta be good - don’t think I’ve ever seen you get embarrassed,” Finn says, an amused smirk on his face.

“I just - I’ve got no one to keep an eye on Kei. Otara can’t, and most of the pilots are out on recon tomorrow,” Poe says, kinda fast. “I know it’s not what you asked -”

“I’ll do it. I’ll look after the little guy,” Finn answers immediately, shrugging. Poe looks back up at him, seeing his smile has grown fond. “I don’t care how I help you, Poe. I just want to do it. You need me to babysit? I’m here.”

He stands up again, coming closer to look down at Kei, who lets out a loud snore, making both Poe and Finn chuckle. “We’re gonna have loads of fun,” Finn says softly, and grins.

;;

“Blue Three, standing by.”

“Black Leader, standing by,” Poe replies to Jess, looking down at the planet under them, all greens and clouds and beautiful. Seeing it makes Poe’s heart beat faster - he’s in the space where his mother fought her biggest battle against the Galactic Empire, piloting just above the ground where his father fought Stormtroopers.

It’s the reason why he’s asked to be sent on this particular recon; usually he’s not asked to go off on them anymore, too busy with strategies and plans, but when this one came up he was first in line, Jess offering to go along.

He just wants to see where his parents faced the Empire. There are many memories here, scars and laughter and celebration. Poe’s parents met Han Solo here for the first time, and now he’s gone, like Poe’s mom. Poe hopes they're having a blast, wherever they are.

Jess lets out a low whistle, startling in his comm, and Poe chuckles. “Starting descent,” he says, tipping the nose of his X-Wing down.

“On your left, Black Leader,” Jess replies, and Poe turns his head to see her right there, the best kind of reassurance for Poe.

As they breach the atmosphere, Poe can’t help but divert from the base coordinates to fly around for a bit, just taking in the miles and miles of forest, ruins beginning to get eaten by vegetation. He can see the hint of an Ewok village and flies high above it, BB-8 chirping gleefully when Poe corkscrews back towards the old Endor Rebel Alliance quarters that General Organa ordered them to check out.

“Having fun, Poe?” Jess laughs in his ear, and Poe does a loop-dee-loop just to show how much he is.

“Just taking it all in, Pava. We’re in no rush.”

BB-8’s panicky little beep comes in at the same time as Jess’s noise of alarm. “Actually -”

Poe focuses on what’s in front of him, and, yeah - that is definitely a bunch of AT-ST hiding in the cover of the trees there, and that is definitely the noise of laser cannons being warmed up. “Shit! Blue Three, let’s circle back and torpedo the hell out of them - BB-8, warm it up, we’re going in,” Poe orders, taking his X-Wing into an evasive maneuver as the first few First Order cannon blasts flash past him.

“Roger, Black Leader,” Jess says, and Poe sees her own fighter swerve starboard.

It’s not exactly a long battle, nor is it a hard-fought one; the small First Order compound only hosted two laser cannons that Poe and Jess destroy quickly, Poe flying low under the blaster fire to take care of one, while Jess took hers by surprise, switching directions while it was still trying to track her. Sending their torpedoes on the bank of AT-STs they spotted afterwards is the easiest part of it all.

It’s still a fight, kicking adrenaline through Poe’s veins and making him cheer when they’re done, even though the quick little skirmish means that Endor is no good for General Organa’s plans.

“Wanna go down there and check if there’s anything useful, Commander?”

Poe ponders for a second, before sniffing, shaking his head to himself. “Nah, let’s report to base first. We can always come back.”

“Roger, Black Leader.”

“All right, let’s get the hell out of here before we get some more company,” Poe orders. “BB-8, we ready to jump?”

BB-8 chirps the affirmative, and Poe flies them out of the Endor atmosphere to their correct routes, BB-8 and the navicomputer communicating, Jess tight on his left as usual. “All systems go, Blue Three?”

“Affirmative, Black Leader,” Jess replies, voice serene.

“All right, punch it!”

Endor disappears from view.

;;

Poe spots Finn as soon as he jumps out of his X-Wing. He’s by the landing strip with Kei in his arms, bouncing happily; they seem absorbed in some conversation together, which must be amusingly one-sided. To Poe, it feels like some kind of fever dream, for a second - Kei and Finn looking so comfortable with one another, Finn looking like there’s nowhere else he’d rather be, like taking care of Kei is the best use of his time.

It strikes Poe like lightning, sudden and indescribable. He’s looking at them and his heart clenches with the desire to see this every day, to see Finn take care of Kei, teach him all the things Poe and Otara can’t. He wants to wake up to this, he wants to go to sleep to this, he wants to grow old around this.

And he wants - he wants a lot more from Finn, selfish personal filthy things, because Finn looks breathtaking when he’s smiling and he saved Poe’s life and he’s so - so important. Poe wants him, all of him, so much.

He’s so struck by the sudden realization that he doesn’t even see Finn walk to him until he’s right here, inches from Poe.

“Hey, you okay?” Finn asks, his free hand landing on Poe’s arm.

“Dada! Dada dada dada dada,” Kei chants, bouncing in Finn’s grip and leaning in closer to Poe, forcing him to snap out of his thoughts and grab him, grinning happily as he holds Kei over his head for a second, focusing on that and not on how much he wants to kiss Finn, which would be inappropriate and wrong and just - no.

“Hey, buddy!” Poe greets Kei, before hugging him close, looking at Finn. “I’m fine. Thanks for looking after him.”

“That’s okay, we had a good day, besides a couple of mishaps. We’re both fine, though, just maybe a little scarred,” Finn says with a lopsided grin.

“What happened?”

Finn’s mouth twist. “I guess the best way to describe it is - explosive poo?”

Poe laughs heartily, patting Finn’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you were very brave when you faced it.”

“Oh, I was. Medal-worthy, let me tell you. I only gagged like, three times.”

“I’m so proud,” Poe tells Finn, deadpan.

“Yeah well, I’m mad at you, Poe Dameron,” Finn says in reply, a frown on his face. “I can’t believe you went to Endor and didn’t bring us back an Ewok!”

;;

“And that’s - no, Kei, no, don’t touch that button -” Poe said, taking Kei’s little, curious hands off the laser cannon trigger. Kei makes a noise of disappointment, only to be taken, a second later, by a flash on the radar. It’s not like he would have shot at anything or anyone - they’re stationary on the landing strip, Kei sitting on Poe’s lap in the cockpit of his black X-Wing, the engines cold, but Poe’s not going to start Kei on bad habits if he can help it.

He remembers being only a little bit older than Kei himself, sitting on his mother’s lap in the cockpit of her A-Wing, ooohing and aahing as she took them on short joyrides. The feeling indescribable, incredible, impossible all at the same time. It was then, six years old and still completely innocent, that Poe had realized flying was thumping in his veins and his heart as much as his blood was.

He’s never completely sure that it’s what he wants for Kei, too, but he wants his son to have the same experiences he did as a kid. And while Kei’s not old enough to be taken flying just yet, Poe’s using his time with Kei to show him how to run diagnostics on a T-70. He likes to think that maybe, Kei will remember something of it.

“Nini!” Kei suddenly exclaims, his face and hands plastered to the side of the cockpit. Poe looks up and over Kei’s head, only to see Finn walking towards them, waving at Kei.

“Nini, huh? Is that Finn’s name?”

Kei points and waves, and says again, “Nini,” conviction in his voice. Poe grins, and pops open the cockpit canopy.

“Heya!”

“Hey,” Finn greets, reaching out to grab Kei’s hand. He steps up on the first ladder rung, pulling himself up enough to kiss the back of Kei’s hand, soft and sweet. Poe grins. “You taking him on a ride?”

“Nah, just showing him the ropes. Gotta start ‘em young.”

Finn’s face falls, and Poe’s stomach clench. He shakes his head, reaching out for Finn’s shoulder. “Wait, no, that’s not - shit, that sounded wrong. I’m so sorry, Finn,” Poe rushes to say, his heart beating suddenly hard, a little painful.

Finn laughs, patting Poe’s hand. “It’s okay! It’s okay.”

It’s not, not really. Poe’s mind races, images of a young Finn, in full Stormtrooper galore, a child soldier. Poe wants Kei to be - a child dreamer. Like he was, himself. Free, and wishing for wings.

“Still, I didn’t mean to remind you of - anything.”

Finn, bless him, smiles, all big and sunny, making little noises at Kei and helping him out of the X-Wing cockpit, going back down the ladder with Kei in his arms, allowing Poe to follow suit.

“Well, good thing that you can help change my mind. Wanna join me on a trip down the Republic Archives?”

Poe chuckles, scratching the back of his neck. “Anything for you, buddy.”

;;

Poe’s sitting cross-legged on the floor of his quarters, his double viol on his lap, scratched and banged up from years of use. Finn’s sitting close, one of his fingers trapped in Kei’s hand, who is lying in his cot looking at his father with wide, dark eyes. Finn shifts for comfort, resting his elbow on the edge of Kei’s bed, also looking at Poe, something impatient in the way he visibly bites at the inside of his lip.

“One, two, three,” Poe whispers, before starting to strum the chords, music filling out the quiet in the room. He plays soft, his fingers flying over the strings, and he closes his eyes as he takes a breath. “I caught you sleeping here, all wrapped in wool. I caught you sleeping here, almost broke my heart. I found you dreaming, I'm dreaming of you always, always,” he sings, swaying with it.

He opens his eyes a fraction, to see Kei’s already more or less asleep, curled around Finn’s hand now, and Finn is - he’s looking straight back at Poe, his lips parted and his eyes blown wide.

Poe has to look away as the second verse kicks in, his stomach in his toes. “When I was just a child, a lonely boy, I held onto my dreams, like they could run from me. The hopes I harbored fled, as they often do, but I still dreamed of you,” he keeps on singing, keeps on playing, looking down at his fingers on the chords of his viol.

A light knock and the door opening doesn’t stop him, but he looks up at their visitor, smiling when he sees Otara walk in quietly, stepping close to them and kneeling by Kei’s cot, brushing a hand over his hair. She looks at Finn’s hand trapped by Kei’s little body with an amused raised eyebrow, and Finn gives her a shrug, grinning.

“This is cosy,” she whispers, and Poe hangs his head with a smile, hearing Finn let out an embarrassed chuckle.

“And as we say goodnight, I hold you close and tight,” Poe sings, eyes at half-mast, “No more raging suns, only waning ones. Like the waxing scar where my lonely heart once bloomed before I met you,” he continues, voice soft, sounding a little raw to his own ears.

He can feel Finn’s eyes on him still, like he’s completely taken by the song, or maybe by Poe - Poe knows what he’d like it to be, but he also knows that Finn hasn’t had much chance to listen to music in the past, not stuff that isn’t some military chant. Poe chances a look at Finn, watches him lick his lips slowly, and has to look away before he throws the song to the wind and does something entirely inappropriate with company present.

Kei is sound asleep by now, and Poe looks at Otara, the two of them nodding at each other. “My little dreamer, I'll always, always dream of you,” they sing together, as Poe finishes the song, strumming dying out as Otara kisses Kei’s head.

Slowly, Poe puts his double viol away and Finn extracts his hand from Kei’s now-slack grip. Finn reaches out for Otara, fingers around her wrist.

“Thank you for letting me spend so much time with your kid,” he says, and Otara laughs, patting his hand.

“Oh believe me, it’s my pleasure,” she replies with a wide grin. “I’m amazed you’re doing it willingly,” she adds with a wink, and Finn chuckles.

“Being around Poe so much is more of a hardship,” he says teasingly, and Poe lets out a dramatic sigh from the other side of the room.

“That’s it, no more bedtime stories for you,” Poe replies, and when he looks at Finn, he sees him pouting straight back at him. Poe shakes his head with a laugh, catches Otara looking at them both in turn with a knowing glint to her eye.

“He’s an excellent kid, Otara,” Finn says, tracking back to the conversation he was having, and Otara smiles at him, nodding.

“Thanks. I think we did all right,” she agrees, and grins up at Poe.

He nods in answer, his heart full to the brim. “Yeah, we did.”

;;

“So, what would you say about getting off base for a couple of days?”

Poe has to laugh at the way Finn brightens up at the offer, standing up immediately. He’s amazed that Kalonia and Otara and the team back at medical did such an amazing job on Finn that he seems to not even feel the scar on his back anymore. “Are you kidding? Yes, please!”

“We’re not going for fun, but Bespin’s a nice sight if you’ve never seen it before,” Poe adds, still laughing, and Finn grins, opening his arms wide around him.

“Well, I’ve never been to Bespin, as you can imagine. Are we collecting intel and rescuing princesses?”

“Actually, we’re collecting bacta and probably getting really wasted, but it could get hairy, so. How’s your marksmanship these days?”

Finn rolls his shoulders, his smile turning smug. “Impeccable.”

Poe laughs some more; he’s just so glad to be able to help Finn and get him out of the base, even if only for a day or two. He knows how badly you can feel cooped up sometimes, especially when still recuperating from injury, and he doesn’t think it’s fair of him to just foist Kei on Finn every time he has to leave, without any reward for it.

“Excellent. We leave in a few hours, be ready!”

;;

“Gotta go now, buddy,” Poe says reluctantly, kissing Kei’s forehead multiple times, fingers grazing his wispy hair. “I’ll be back tomorrow, alright?”

Kei has reached an age where he can tell that Poe is going to leave, and he’s constantly surly about it, pouty and difficult. Poe feels a pang of guilt of having to force Otara to take care of Kei when he’s like this - Poe can only hope it never lasts very long.

Finn comes jogging from the Command building, wearing a dark flightsuit, and stops short by them. “Oh, hey!”

“You ready?” Poe asks, and Finn nods, looking eager even as he reaches out to take Kei from Poe’s arms, holding him up over his head for a second before bringing him down and kissing his cheek.

“Yeah, bug, we ready to fly aren’t we? Well, I am, I’ve been told you’re just too little still.”

“In a couple of years, Keiki,” Poe says, patting his butt lightly, delighted when Kei laughs. “In a couple of years. Hey look, here’s mom,” he adds, pointing at Otara, who’s making her way towards them. She waves at them and makes grabby hands at Kei.

“Mama!”

“Hey buddy! You ready to go get dinner?”

“That’s our cue,” Finn says, looking fondly at Kei before passing him to Otara. She kisses Kei cheek before smiling at both Finn and Poe.

“You guys be careful out there, okay?” she says, and both of them give her a quick salute.

“Aye aye, captain!” They reply in unison, and laugh.

;;

The supply run goes almost without a hitch; Finn takes on his role of sort-of bodyguard like a new X-Wing takes to the skies for the first time, wearing an absolutely unreadable expression on his face throughout all of Poe’s negotiations with Jeekoni, the Rodian that’s holding the Resistance’s supplies. Of course he’d wanted more credits for the loot.

“C’mon, you have a deal with the Resistance. With General Organa. Do you think that means nothing?”

“Pay up, Dameron. You’re not getting anything if you don’t double up.”

And then, surprising Poe, Finn raises his blaster to Jeekoni’s face. Right between the eyes, the barrel inches over Poe’s shoulder, without a word or a noise. Poe, managing not to break character, raises his chin and an eyebrow as he looks at Jeekoni,

“Let’s stay civil here, Jeekoni. None of us want to make a scene.”

The Rodian takes some time, his big multi-faceted eyes staring at Finn, past Poe, like he’s seizing him up, trying to decide if Finn will shoot or not. Poe has no doubt in the world that Finn would.

In the end, Jeekoni concedes, and Poe and Finn spend most of their afternoon lugging crates of medical supplies into the light unmarked freighter they’re using for this mission. It’s arduous, and delicate work; piling up crates of sometimes fragile supplies in the hold takes time and consideration.

When they’re done, they’re both hot, and sweaty, their flight suits stripped to their waists, contemplating the work they’ve done, sitting on the down cargo ramp. Poe slaps a hand to Finn’s shoulder, laughing.

“Good job earlier, by the way.”

Finn laughs right along with him, running a hand over his face. “I honestly thought I was going to start laughing. My nose was itching so bad!”

“You did great,” Poe says, still chuckling. “I think it deserves a celebratory drink, whatcha say?”

Finn lets out a pleased noise that feels like a punch in Poe’s gut. “Would love that.”

Poe smacks his gloves against Finn’s leg, standing up quickly. “I know the perfect place.”

;;

“So how is it, being a father while fighting in the Resistance?” Finn asks, twirling his drink in the glass in his hand. It’s a Bespin specialty, some sweet wine, far from Poe’s favorite, but it was cheap, and Finn liked it.

Poe looks down at his own drink, running his finger along the rim of the glass. They’re sitting close in the crowded watering hole they found after they secured their supplies, tucked away in a corner of the Cloud City spaceport. It’s dark, and loud - everything this kind of dive ought to be, in Poe’s opinion. He’s only a little disappointed that he didn’t get to show him such a place for the first time.

Focusing back on Finn’s question, Poe sighs. He’s always found it hard to explain without sounding like a moof, but for Finn, he’s willing to try.

“It’s hard. It’s really tough, it’s all moments and rushes, and I feel like I’m not really seeing him grow up. Every time I leave and come back, I feel like he’s grown twice the size he was, and I hate missing out on it, but I also can’t even think about not being a part of the Resistance. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have it any other way, but. I get why my parents left me at my grandparents’ while they were both in active duty. The older he gets, the harder it gets every time I have to leave, and it’s such a burden on Otara, too. But he gives me something to fight for, and to survive for. If not for him, I don’t know if I - if I’d have fought that hard against Kylo Ren,” Poe admits, looking away. He’s embarrassed to say it, however true it is.

“Hey, isn’t the important thing the fact that you did fight?”

“Is it?”

Finn shrugs. “I wanted nothing else than to run, after we escaped the Finalizer. I wanted to get off the Jakku system, off to the Outer Rim, never look back. I didn’t want to fight, either, but I did, and everyone seems to think it makes me some kind of hero. If that’s the case with me, why not with you?”

“I didn’t break through 20-odd years of conditioning, Finn. You did that, and then you turned around and decided that you wanted to fight. That takes so much strength. Almost submitting to Ren is cowardice.”

Finn rolls his eyes. “One, that’s not true at all, and two, you didn’t submit.”

Poe makes a face, conceding that one. “Yeah, okay. That escape was pretty awesome, wasn’t it?”

Finn grins, all smug and pleased and delightful to Poe. “It was excellent, Poe,” he says, then sobers up a little, bumping his shoulder against Poe’s. “It’s still amazing that you wanted to go back to Jakku to get BB-8 and finish your mission.”

“Why?” Poe asks, genuinely curious as to why it’s noteworthy.

“Because - damn I don’t know how to say this without sounding bad, Poe, but. You could choose Kei over everything else, but you don’t.”

Poe swallows hard. “I still think I do. Everything I do in the Resistance, every mission I plan and every flight I take, I do to try and allow Kei to grow up in a peaceful world, like I got to. I fight because if I don’t, then he’ll have to, and I don’t want him to have to. If Kei can go his whole life without ever having to pick up a blaster, I’ll be satisfied.”

“Didn’t you join the New Republic navy even though it was peace time?”

Poe chuckles, taking a sip of his drink. “If he does the same, at least it’ll be his choice.”

“Free will,” Finn says, sounding wistful.

Poe swallows hard, nods. He hopes Finn realizes he’s got it, now, that he’s got his own choices to make, that his own life belongs to him now. “Yeah. Free will.”

“I’ve had long conversations with Doctor Jokikama about that,” Finn adds, looking at the bar around them, all these people not paying any attention to them, just two guys having a drink, a night off-duty. “I’m so used to orders and unity. The idea that if I want to, I can create chaos, it’s all a bit...much.”

At the mention of chaos, Poe looks sharply at Finn, who seems scared, a little lost. Poe, with a finger, motions Finn’s glass.

“Drink up. Wanna show you something.”

;;

The Figg & Associates’ Art Museum’s nightguard is a Durosian with sympathies to the Resistance that Poe knows well; when he asks, promising a favor owed, the guard lets both him and Finn in the museum after hours, with a stern, mildly threatening, request not to touch anything.

“I used to come here regularly with my parents when I was little,” Poe says, strolling in and onwards towards the room he wants to show Finn. “It’s a rarity, nowadays, to have such a museum. At the time we used to visit, they’d have exhibitions, but they don’t really have the resources nowadays.”

He throws a look at Finn, who’s looking around with his mouth agape and his eyes shining loud in the dim lights, mainly thrown over the exhibits. “This is...amazing,” he says softly, wonder in his voice.

They take their time walking around the museum - Poe has a piece in mind that he wants to share, but everything is fascinating to Finn, all the little pieces of art and the collected Rebel Alliance and Jedi Council memorabilia. He takes it all in with wide eyes and impressed little noises, asking questions from time to time about a piece of history he was told in a completely different way, and Poe would do his best to answer.

They get to the painting he wanted to show Finn, and he stops in front of it, spreading his arms wide. “Ta-daa!” He says with a little bow, amused when Finn chuckles. Turning around, Poe motions at the painting, full of broad strokes of bright colors, some splashes, some crossing the whole painting, all disorganized, disorienting. “This is called abstract art. I wanted to show you, because - it came to my mind, when you said chaos.”

Finn moves closer, standing just a step behind Poe, looking at the painting over Poe’s shoulder. “It’s beautiful,” he breathes out, sounding awed. For a long time, they stand like this in front of the painting, almost touching, taking in the sheer strength of the piece of art in front of their eyes, committing it to memory.

“The artist said that the idea was to recreate the mess of life,” Poe says, in a low voice, afraid to break the bubble of quiet reverence that formed around them. “You’re never sure where the next brushstroke will go, but you can help the movement, you can change the direction. And I think that’s how you should think of your life too, now. Think of it as - art. Your life’s a painting, and you decide where the brush goes now. You can make something beautiful out of it.”

Poe smiles when he feels Finn’s hand wrap around his own, lacing their fingers together. He smiles, and squeezes Finn’s hand with his, and doesn’t let go.

He doesn’t let go.

;;
Poe sits next to Otara, watching Finn swing Kei up above his head, hands secure around Kei’s waist. They both make swishing noises, running around the landing strip like they’re not in the way of anyone.

“He’s good with Kei,” Otara says, matter-of-fact.

Poe nods. “It’s surprising, actually. Who would have thought?”

“Because he was a Stormtrooper?”

“No,” Poe shakes his head. That’s never been something he’s held over Finn’s head. “Because he’s never had kids around. He doesn’t have a family - or at least, he doesn’t who they are. He didn’t have siblings or other kids around. He didn’t learn about any of this. It’s all natural. I had months and months of being Bantha dung at being a dad before I got used to it.”

Otara laughs. “Yeah, you did.”

Poe bumps her shoulder with hers. “What I mean, Otie, is that he’s - he’s one-of-a-kind, isn’t he. He’s really. Special.”

Otara turns to Poe, an eyebrow raised. “Special, huh?”

Poe grins to himself, shrugging a shoulder. He leans forward, his elbows on his raised knees, a blade of grass between his fingers. “Yeah. Special.”

He doesn’t add special to me, but he’s sure Otara can hear it in his voice anyway. She’s always been good at reading between the lines.

;;

“Why are you not together anymore?” Finn asks. “It’s obvious you like each other.”

Poe shrugs, the answer coming pretty easily to him. “I think we just make better friends than lovers. We were barely that.”

“What -” Finn pauses, and Poe raises an eyebrow at him, even though he knows what Poe wants to ask and is already thinking of his answer. “What happened?”

“Nothing, really. We had a relationship, for a while, but it wasn’t serious. And then she got pregnant and we decided to keep Kei and to raise him together, just not romantically together, I guess.”

Finn makes a face, like he’s processing, like it doesn’t make sense to him. “In all the holovids I’ve watched that have relationships in them, it’s always forever. Especially when there’s a baby involved.”

“Yeah, but that’s not real life, Finn. Real life can be messy. We weren’t in love with each other, and we’d have resented each other. It’s good this way.”

“So sex really doesn’t require love, even out here,” Finn says, a statement more than a question. Poe bites his lip, thinking this is a dangerous conversation to have.

“No,” he answers carefully. “Sex with love is better, but sex just requires two willing parties.”

“How do you know? How do you know you’re willing? Or that the other person is?”

Yep. Dangerous conversation.

“I - it’s in the body language, and like - I mean, these holovids depict it, just with the idea of true love behind it, but it’s the same concept. You’ve got this person you want to be around, and that you want to touch, that you want to make feel good. Sometimes it’s a one time thing, sometimes it’s a forever thing.”

Finn nods to himself, looking like he’s taking the information in, and Poe really isn’t sure he’s explaining anything right. “I think maybe Doctor Jokikama could help you making sense of this, buddy,” Poe adds. It breaks his heart that Finn seems disoriented by all of it.

“We had - it’s not like I don’t know about sex, you know?” Finn says, looking straight at Poe. “There was a - a breeding program, in the First Order.”

Poe winces and runs a hand over his face. He feels like screaming, the mere thought of this and the way Finn says it, matter-of-fact, it's just painful.

“I guess I just don’t know much about attraction, and even less about love.”

“What about Rey? Aren’t you attracted to her?” Poe’s stomach twists as he asks the question. He feels bad about how selfish his reasons are for it.

Finn takes a moment to answer. “Sure,” he answers simply, shrugging again. “But I don’t know if I want to act on it. But maybe it’s just because it’s been so long since I’ve seen her. Maybe if she came back, it’d be different.”

Poe swallows hard, and pushes his own feelings aside to be able to say, “Rey will come back, you know.”

“Yeah, I think I know,” Finn replies, looking down at his hands. He sounds a little wistful about it, and Poe wants to reach out.

“You all right?”

Finn nods, licking his lips before looking up at Poe. They’re sitting close, in the privacy of Poe’s quarters, comfortable in familiarity. Well, Poe isn’t entirely comfortable about it, if only for how much he wants more of it, but - Finn’s accepted that he can ask for it and deserve it. He doesn’t hesitate to touch Poe, these days.

“I just - I feel bad, sometimes,” Finn says, a whisper, his eyes now focused on Poe’s face.

“Why?”

“Because sometimes I forget to miss her. Especially when I’m - when I’m around you.”

Poe inhales, sharp, through his nose. Finn is looking at him, like he wants things he doesn’t understand, and Poe wants to kiss him so hard he has to close his hands into fists not to reach out for Finn right now.

“And you don’t think it’s okay?”

Finn takes a moment to answer, like he’s trying to think things through. “I don’t know what to think,” he answers in the end, sounding truthful and a little confused. It’s those words, those words and the genuine lost look on Finn’s face that makes Poe shift away, forcing himself to. There are boundaries he can’t cross, not when Finn’s thoughts are so obviously muddled.

Poe realizes that he’s not jealous, that it’s not about that - it’s also not about him. It’s a different kind of confusion, a mix of feelings Finn doesn’t seem to be able to separate. Poe takes another deep breath, dragging a hand over his mouth and chin as he tries to collect his own thoughts, be helpful.

“Hey, you hungry?” Finn asks just as Poe was about to say something, but he’s thankful for the change in topic, for allowing the tension to ebb away a little, making it easier to breathe.

“Starving,” he replies, even though it’s a lie.

;;

Poe sighs, softly, Kei’s hair moving under his breath as Poe holds him close, rocking the two of them as Kei cries with discomfort. “Shhh, hey, hey, it’s okay,” he murmurs in Kei’s hair, wishing it were true. When he flicks his eyes up, he sees Finn, curled up in his own bed, looking at the two of them silently. “I’m sorry, Finn,” Poe says, a little lamely.

Finn shakes his head. “Is he okay? He sounds in pain,” he asks, frowning a little when he sits up,

“He’s teething again. Warning you, if you stay here, you’re probably not going to get any sleep.”

Finn leaves his bed, padding across the room to Poe’s, sitting next to him and looking down at Kei. Poe, unconsciously, lifts his bedding to allow Finn to shift underneath and not get some chill from only wearing shorts and an undershirt. He’s not even wearing that much himself, having ditched his sleep shirt to keep Kei even closer, allowing skin to skin contact. But it also means that now, his bare arm is pressed to Finn’s, who is so warm it takes all of Poe’s willpower not to lean into it, drop his head on Finn’s shoulder, feel if his skin is exactly as soft as it looks, if -

His thoughts are derailed when Kei lifts his head, tear-filled eyes staring into Poe’s, and he bites onto his teething ring hard, making a pitiful noise.

“Oh bug, you’re gonna be okay,” Finn says softly, brushing a finger along Kei’s flushed cheek. “He feels hot,” he tells Poe, who nods.

“He is. Hopefully if he keeps sweating that bad the fever will break faster than it did for his first round of teeth. Hey buddy, want a song?” Poe asks Kei, who nods, dropping back onto Poe’s chest, his forehead tracking sweat all over Poe’s skin.

It doesn’t take long for Poe to find a song to sing, an old one his granddad enjoyed listening to. He taps the beat in his head with a finger, against Kei’s side, continuing to rock them as he hums the melody and then starts singing, “Aren't you somethin' to admire? 'Cause your shine is something like a mirror, and I can't help but notice...You reflect in this heart of mine.” He pauses, the song playing in his head, Kei snuffling against him. Poe can feel his heartbeat, like rhythm to the song he’s singing. “If you ever feel alone and, the glare makes me hard to find, just know that I'm always parallel on the other side.”

Finn, surprisingly, picks up the rhythm of the song and starts humming along, shifting closer, his chest pressed against Poe’s shoulder, their legs half tangled under the cover, the three of them in a little nest, with the world quiet around them.

“'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul, I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go. Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through,” Poe sings, brushing sweaty curls off of Kei’s forehead, seeing his feverish eyes droop closed. “You just gotta be strong.”

He goes quiet again, even though the song keeps on playing in his head; but Kei could be falling asleep and he doesn’t want to tempt fate. He presses his nose to the top of Kei’s head, loosening his hold to allow Kei to shift and get as comfortable as he wants, sort of sprawled on top of Poe, his head on the curve of Poe’s shoulder. Poe himself won’t sleep a jot, but that’s okay. He feels Finn settle next to him, but doesn’t dare look; he’s afraid of what he’ll do if he looks.

“I can think of worse ways to spend a sleepless night,” Finn says softly after a little while, and Poe closes his eyes, rubbing Kei’s back. Force give him strength.

;;

It’s always overwhelming, to see the whole base assembled in one spot, the landing strip completely obscured by thousands of members of the Resistance, looking up at the small platform General Organa is standing on. General assemblies are not usual, and Poe can guess that something pretty big is going down - he wonders if it has anything to do with Rey and Luke Skywalker.

Feeling eyes on him, Poe turns his head from the General, meeting Finn’s gaze through the crowd. Finn smiles, a corner of his mouth twitching up, and Poe responds in kind, trying his best to ignore the shiver that runs down his spine when he looks back towards General Organa and can still feel Finn looking at him.

“I’ve asked you all here today because,” General Organa starts, voice loud out on the comm system, “we are moving. Soon, our base on D’Qar will only operate with a skeleton crew, while the main base of operations will be transferred to Ithor.”

The announcement sends a murmur throughout the assembly, a sudden whisper that grows and crests like a wave. Poe’s not surprised by it; he could tell it was coming from all the different briefings and recon missions reviewing different systems.

Poe doesn’t even want to consider the politics that went behind this. Since Starkiller Base, General Organa has been withdrawn, completely focused on work, which Poe understands, but it breaks his heart all the same. He’s seen her a few times, when she thinks nobody’s looking, and her face was like an open wound, devastated and devastating.

Poe can’t help himself, he turns around again, his eyes finding Finn through the crowd, like they’re not even there, like they’re the only two people on base. Finn nods when their eyes meet, and Poe’s swallows thickly, his heart skipping a beat or two.

He nods back.

;;

“So, I’ve been thinking about a few things, and um. The next couple of months are going to be crazy, and unsettling, so I thought I’d take some leave, and take Kei home for a while. Stay with my parents.”

“You -” Poe tilts his head, glad that they’re having this conversation in her quarters and not in public, because he’s - he’s angry. “You didn’t think about talking to me about it?”

Otara crosses her arms over her chest, defensive. “I am.”

“No, no, you’re telling me that you’re taking him away. You’re not asking me my opinion.”

“Poe, I just want Kei to have some stability. Can you imagine if we stayed? Can you imagine having to plan and work on moving the base with Kei in your arms? Do you want him to just be left from person to person looking after him because we’re both too busy to keep an eye on him? Everybody will be too busy.”

“How is it different from battle?”

Otara’s jaw clench hard at his words, and her eyes harden. “You have no idea how many times I’ve contemplated just flying to Naboo and leaving him with my parents. It’s no different from battle. I’m just - I’m tired, Poe.”

“Do you really have to?”

Otara sighs. “It’ll be easier for everyone,” she says, and Poe grunts.

“Yeah, for everyone but me,” he replies, hurt. Poe doesn’t want to be away from his son. He gets her point, he understands why she’s doing all this, but - it still feels unfair.

“Poe…”

“No, it’s fine. Mother knows best, right?”

Poe’s just - he’s too angry for this conversation, too upset to not say something he’ll end up regretting. He still slams the door on his way out.

;;

“All right, you be good for Mama, yeah?” Poe asks Kei, who holds on tight to Poe’s neck, sensing that they’re going to be separated again.

“No!” He shouts in Poe’s ear, loud and angry; Poe closes his eyes, sighs, his hand rubbing Kei’s back. “Dada,” Kei mutters miserably, his voice shaking.

“Yeah, buddy, I know the feeling,” Poe replies, his own voice pretty watery. He hates this, hates it; going on missions feels different when he knows his main reason to come back is on base, waiting for him, and Poe doesn’t want to be without it, doesn’t want to be robbed of Kei’s smiles.

Even less, he wants to be robbed of all these moments that he knows are coming - Kei’s starting to speak better already, and Poe feels like even a few months could change everything, and he doesn’t want to not be there.

Otara approaches carefully, her hand on Poe’s shoulder, and he opens his eyes, looking straight at her and holding Kei even closer to his chest for a second.

“You’re coming to visit, right?” She asks, her tone soft, like it’ll make things easier. Poe sighs, but nods anyway.

“Of course.”

He releases his hold on Kei reluctantly, kissing his son’s forehead and cheek multiple times as Kei starts crying, arms held out for Poe. Poe can feel his nails digging half-moons in his palms, his hands into tight fists, and he clenches his jaw, unable to stop a couple of runaway tears. It’s not forever, he knows, but it doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier or less heartbreaking.

Kei’s cries only die out as the doors to the cruise ship they’re taking to Naboo closes, and Poe walks away from the landing strip, his heart heavy as he listens to the ship take off.

;;

Poe really is thankful for his friends. After Otara and Kei’s departure, they more or less hound him, trying to keep his mind occupied with stories and plans and alcohol; he’s now a little tipsy, sitting outside under the stars, arms on his elbows, head tipped back against the wall outside the mess hall.

He’s alone for the first time in a few hours, now that everyone has gone to sleep, and the sadness he’s feeling is back to weighing him down like an anchor. He breathes slowly, looking at the stars and trying to determine, in his hazy state, where exactly is Naboo from here. Maybe he could just - hop in his X-Wing and go there, just stay with Kei until Otara decides she’s happy to go back to base.

That sounds so much like defection. And he can’t - he can’t be anything less than his mother was, watching him grow up for over two years over comms and holovids his grandfather would make of him. His parents survived missing out on Poe’s first few years, for the sake of the Alliance, and Poe can manage a few months without Kei. He has to. He’s needed on base, on patrols, on supply missions; he’s just needed, and he knows it, takes pride in it.

“Hey,” he hears from up close, and squints, seeing Finn hovering above him, smiling gently. “Can I sit?”

“‘Course,” Poe says, pats the patch of grass by his side. Finn settles, right against Poe’s, the two of them touching from shoulder to forearm.

“You okay?”

Poe shrugs a shoulder, and points out at the stars; one in particular, shining brilliantly, like a beacon. Poe closes an eye, reaching out and trying to catch the star in between his thumb and index. “This is probably Naboo,” he ends up saying, not answering Finn’s question.

Finn bumps his shoulder against Poe’s, motioning towards the sky. “D’you wanna go? We could go now.”

Poe snorts. “That sounds like a grand idea. Not sure Otie’s parents will appreciate it, but I hear they have a pool in their garden.”

“What? That’s it, get up, I need a pilot, we’re going to Naboo right now,” Finn exclaims, making Poe laugh, dropping his hand from trying to hold a planet in his palm.

“Will a drunk pilot do?”

“If we end up on Hoth, I swear I’m never babysitting for you again.”

Poe pouts at Finn. “How sad would Kei be, though, can you imagine? I’m sure you can, imagine the face he’d make!”

Finn looks at Poe, who is doing his best impression of a sad Kei as he can, and Finn rolls his eyes, chuckles, and pushes at Poe’s shoulder, sending him half-sprawling in laughter. “I guess I couldn’t do that to the little bug,” Finn replies, fondly, before growing a little somber. “I’m gonna miss him.”

Poe rights himself, letting himself lean against Finn. “So am I.”

;;

It’s been another maudlin day for Poe, but he’s getting better. At least, he’s talking more and drinking less, busying himself with all sorts of mundane tasks to keep his brain engaged and not dwelling on Kei’s absence.

But, he couldn’t say how this happened. One minute, he and Finn are playing a game, sharing a holopad and flicking tiny animated soldiers at one another, and the next, they’re looking at each other with parted lips and heavy breaths and dark eyes. Poe just knows that he’s won another game, tying them up in their mini-contest, but the tablet is now lying abandoned on the floor in front of them, forgotten entirely. Maybe it was yet another absolutely-not-accidental brush of fingers, maybe it was Poe’s bark of laughter, maybe it’s something else entirely, but. Here they are.

They’re so close their noses are almost brushing, sitting side by side and leaning into each other, Poe looking up at Finn and wondering - so many things, there are so many things. Finn’s eyes are darting between Poe’s lips and eyes, half-closed, and Poe has to look away when Finn touches his forehead to Poe’s temple, barely there.

Poe wants to kiss Finn so much he’s aching with it, his body strung high for another touch, a deeper connection. He swallows hard, turning his head a fraction, closer still, feeling Finn’s breath on his lips now, and the way Finn looks at him, it’s obvious that he’s right here with Poe with the wanting, and -

The knock on the door makes them both startle, scrambling away from each other. Poe chuckles, scratching the back of his head and throwing a look towards Finn, who’s still - he’s still looking at Poe with such hunger, Poe’s stomach drops.

“Yes, yes, what?” Poe says at the door when there’s another knock, standing up to open it. He must look disheveled, lips bitten and flush high up on his cheeks. On the other side, Karé waiting, her arms crossed over her chest. She looks at Poe, then at Finn, something indecipherable playing on her features; it looks a little bit like regret, but Poe knows that Karé Kun doesn’t do regret.

“Rey’s back.”

;;

With Finn gone to catch up with Rey, Poe keeps himself busy. He tries not to listen to all the whispers about Rey as he and BB-8 tinker with his X-Wing, but when he’s called in to Command, he guesses he’s going to have to pay attention.

He doesn’t drag his feet at all; anything for the Resistance.

General Organa is a picture of professionalism as always, despite everything that’s happened. There’s a spark in her eyes, though, something hopeful that hasn’t been here in months, not since Han died, and, even as he stands at attention in front of her, it makes Poe smile, just a twitch of his lips.

“At ease,” she tells him, her voice low and raspy from use, motioning for him to follow her to what accounts to her office, in a corner of command. He does, sits across from her desk, his hands in his lap. “So I assume you’ve heard much about Rey’s return,” General Organa starts with, making Poe nod.

“As much as anyone else has, General.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Finn hasn’t reported anything else?”

Poe bites the inside of his lip, worrying at it a little. “I haven’t seen him since she came back, ma’am.”

“Oh. Well, she hasn’t brought Luke back. He’s - he’s got reasons, I guess, but I also think he has a plan he hasn’t told Rey just yet.” General Organa waves a hand, physically changing the topic, making Poe smirk again. “Anyway, we’ve been poring over everything we could get our hands on from the New Republic after the destruction of the Hosnian system - a few civil servants decided that they weren’t so loyal to the First Order as they thought they were, and they gave us locations to a few First Order bases.”

Poe raises an eyebrow at that. “Really?”

General Organa pushes a datapad across her desk, towards Poe, who takes it and takes stock of the red marks on several different systems the map is showing him. “I want you to organize your fighters to do some cleaning, Commander,” she says, her voice getting that tone that brokers no argument again, not that Poe would anyway. “You’re up for it?”

“Of course, General. But - most of their operations are off-planet. For all we know they’re hiding in another Maw somewhere.”

“I do realize that, Poe, but that shouldn’t stop us from destroying as much of their infrastructure as we can.”

“Of course, General, I’m just saying, if there’s anything - anything more that I can do, you know I will.”

As he says the words, he thinks of Kei, and how maybe he shouldn’t offer himself up so willingly, like he’s got a death wish. He wants to see his son grow up.

But more importantly, he wants to see his son grow up in a world where he’s free from people like General Hux, and Kylo Ren, and systems-destroying planets.

General Organa smiles gently, leaning over her desk to pat Poe’s hand, her fingers squeezing his. “I know. I’m not sidelining you, Poe, if that’s what you think. But right now, I need you to be my Squadron Commander, more than anything else. The Resistance needs heroes and leaders. Whether you like it or not, you’re one of them now, and the First Order knows you, and have painted a target on your back. It makes you kind of a terrible spy, now,” she finishes with a grin, and Poe finds himself laughing.

“Fair enough, General.”

;;

Poe lies down in the dark, a feeling like a phantom limb weighing down on his chest as he watches the outside lights create dancing shadows on the ceiling. Finn’s not here - he’s not been here much since Rey came back. Poe doesn’t blame him.

It’s not Finn’s absence Poe’s feeling most right now; it’s Kei’s. It isn’t a foreign feeling, either - Poe’s well used to it, the edges worn and biting slightly less when the sensation presses against his heart, but it’s still heavy, threatening to choke him up. It reminds him of moments where he conjured Kei in his head, fleeting times before engaging in battle, floating in space and wondering if he’d said his last goodbye.

Poe recalls his father’s words, reminds himself how lucky he is to even get to see Kei as much as he has, but it still - it still hurts. And he knows better than to pretend it doesn’t. He doesn’t get to have that many moments where he can let these feelings take over, isn’t afforded much time alone to process thoughts and feelings, which is fine - he’d rather be planning missions and flying out under the Resistance’s banner than left to mull over just how much he misses his son.

He sits up and stands after a while, using the soft light BB-8 is emitting from his charging dock to guide himself to his double viol’s case, taking it out and sitting on the floor, strumming the strings out of habit, fingers finding chords without thought. The song’s an old one, one of those his mom used to sing to him when he couldn’t sleep. He doesn’t remember all the words, but he can recall the melancholy tune, and the light in his mother’s eyes as she brushed hair off his forehead, and sang for him.

“I saved you a sheet on the bigger line, ss it goes around about a thousand times. You said I'll always be with you, you said I'll always be with you. And is it home somewhere you call your own, are you happy now?”

Poe sighs at he lets the music die out, just mindlessly strumming now, trying to fill his head with something else than missing his kid. Parts of him want to fly away, take off and not look back, go visit the stars and deep space and all the things he’s never seen. Part of him want to face the First Order dead on and fight them all, one by one, like he’s invincible, just to try to give Kei a life without having to think about combat, about flying for any other reason than the love of it. He wants Kei to have a life where he’s surrounded by life. Poe doesn’t want his son to become a killer like Poe himself had to - his legacy. Poe wants it to stop here, with him.

He also wants his son back.

;;

“And she’ll learn how to actually build her own lightsaber when she’s more experienced, she told me,” Finn says, moving around their quarters, hands flying around his head as he tells Poe of Rey and her adventures. Poe just sits and listens, a holopad on his lap, open to Pava’s latest mission log.

He smirks, raising an eyebrow. “Sounding a bit jealous here, buddy. Want me to find you some blueprints for a blaster? You can be the first to have a handmade weapon.”

Finn snorts, joining Poe on the bed, ungracefully tumbling on top of it and shifting around until he’s settled, the top of his head pressing against Poe’s hip, a single point of heat that still makes Poe swallow hard. He resists moving, resting his hand on Finn’s chest, just to touch him, feel him under his fingers.

“It’ll never be as cool as a lightsaber, though, right?”

Poe shrugs a shoulder. “Probably not.”

Taking Poe by surprise, Finn reaches out, taking one of Poe’s hands in both of his, extending Poe’s fingers in front of his face, looking at them like they hold some kind of secret Poe’s unaware of. Poe’s pretty sure he’s stopped breathing, but Finn just looks perfectly unaware, just completely lost in his thoughts.

“Have you ever thought you had the Force?”

“It’s not something you have, Finn,” Poe replies, the words feeling heavy on his tongue, slow to come out.

“You know what I mean.”

Poe does. He remembers sitting by the Force tree in his yard, putting his hand to it and trying to feel something different.

“No.”

Finn’s eyes jump to Poe’s, dark and gentle, curious. “I didn’t even believe it was a real thing, before - all this.”

“I’ve always believed in it, I think,” Poe says. It feels like he’s back home, in the damp heat of Yavin 4, running around after Nimima the cat, that wasn’t really the Damerons but that they fed anyway. “We have this tree in my backyard back home - my mom flew with Luke Skywalker once.”

Finn’s eyes are settled on Poe’s face now, but he’s still holding onto his hand, absentmindedly tracing Poe’s fingers with his own, like he’s mapping out Poe’s calluses, the lines in his palm.

“They went to retrieve these Force trees from the Empire. The last two in the Galaxy, according to Luke. When they got out, he kept one, and gave one to my mom. She and my dad planted it in our yard, and I’ve grown up with it. When I was little I kept on trying to connect with it. I’d talk to it sometimes, and it always felt like it was listening,” Poe says, and smiles to himself. “It sounds ridiculous, but that’s how I knew that the Force was real. Well, that, and my mom’s stories about Luke and Leia.”

“I’d like to meet this tree,” Finn says, grinning up at Poe. Poe laughs, flexing his fingers in Finn’s grasp.

“I’ll introduce you two.”

;;

“Poe,” Poe hears from the other end of the maintenance bay. He moves out from under the cockpit of his X-Wing, wiping hair and sweat out of his eyes as he sees Finn jogging towards him. It’s been hot on D’Qar lately, a storm brewing in gray skies, so Poe’s overalls are rolled down to his hips, leaving him in a black undershirt; even Finn, who enjoys hotter weather, is only wearing a thin shirt and his pants are in the lightest material they have on base, loose around his thighs. Maybe it’s the weather, the humidity, but it’s like the air around Poe grows thicker, heavier as he looks at Finn. He tries to shake it off with an easy grin.

“Hey! Everything okay?”

“I need to talk to you,” Finn replies, grabbing Poe’s forearm and pulling him away the his X-Wing, the spanner Poe was using clanging loudly on the floor.

“All right, all right, hey, buddy, what’s wrong?” Poe asks, startled by the serious, kind of broken look on Finn’s face, but Finn doesn’t say anything until he opens a door and pulls Poe in, leaving them alone.

In what appears to be a tiny storage unit, full of ship navicomputers spare parts.

“Um,” Poe lets out, because the room is truly small, especially with the shelving, and it means that Poe and Finn are standing there, practically chest to chest. Poe’s stomach does that funny thing it does when he’s close to Finn, that tight knot of sudden arousal that Poe doesn’t even try to stop anymore. At this point it’s too late.

“Poe,” Finn starts, breathing hard, his fingers still wrapped around Poe’s wrist. “Poe, I’m leaving,” he says, and Poe’s stomach drops this time, and not in a good way.

“You - what? When? Where?”

Finn, at least, looks as distressed as Poe feels. “It’s because, because Rey thinks I could be Force-sensitive, but she has no way of being sure, so she wants me to go meet Luke with her, and pass some tests, and, I’ve got to - Poe, I’ve got to,” Finn says, looking back up into Poe’s eyes, and his own are wide and bright, excited and panicked at the same time.

It’s like everything slows down. Poe, while his heart is screaming to ask Finn to stay, understands. He’s got to let Finn go, allow him to fulfil his destiny, follow his path, whatever it is that Finn wants to do, wants to be. Poe and his stupid heart can’t be in the way of that. He won’t.

So he smiles, what he calls his pilot smile, the one he puts on for his command; a little crooked and smug, but sincere nonetheless. He smiles, and he brings his hand up, tucking his fingers under Finn’s jaw, just resting there. He can feel Finn’s pulse.

“Yeah, you’ve got to,” he says softly, and Finn exhales hard, his eyes darting down to Poe’s mouth, a distinct, obvious move. Poe’s heart hammers in his chest, so hard he’s not sure it’s not going to burst out, and he shifts minutely closer, just a fraction, his nose against Finn’s.

Poe wants to, Poe wants so badly, emotions running high, but - Finn needs to do this, he needs to go and explore his possibilities by himself, without the weight of Poe’s expectations on his shoulders. He doesn’t need to think about coming back, if that’s not in his cards. It’d be unfair of Poe to tether him to anything.

Finn jerks his head closer to Poe’s, a tiny move, and Poe swallows down a groan, his throat clicking. He drops his head, pushing back, and Finn makes an aborted noise and grabs Poe’s sleeve, forcing him to look up.

“Wh-”

“You’ve got to go,” Poe says, wishing it could explain it all. Surprisingly, Finn doesn’t say anything.

When Poe dares looking at Finn square in the eye, he sees the way his jaw is clenched, his free hand closed into a tight fist. Poe wraps his own hand around Finn’s, the one still on his arm, and he squeezes.

“When are you leaving?”

Finn’s whole posture shifts, relaxes. He looks sorry again. “Tonight. As soon as Chewie’s done with maintenance on the Falcon.”

Poe sighs, nods, smiles. “I’ll miss you, buddy.”

;;

There’s a part of Poe that doesn’t want to say goodbye to Finn. Like saying goodbye would be equivalent to saying farewell and Finn’s never coming back; Poe doesn’t want to risk it. The weather turned sour a few hours earlier, the storm breaking overhead, like the whole of D’Qar is in the same mood as Poe.

He watches Chewie, Rey and Finn carry supplies from a landing bay to the Falcon, running in the rain - he hears Rey laugh at something Chewie utters, a peal of laughter that tears through the rain like lightning. They don’t seem to see Poe, looking at them from the maintenance bay doors, and the landing strip is empty, everybody chased inside by the rain.

Poe hesitates; he can see that they’re done, Chewie and Rey ahead, Finn jogging behind them, looking behind him, looking around, like he’s waiting for something, someone, and - damnit.

“Finn! Finn, wait!” Poe yells through the rain, dashing out and getting drenched in .2 seconds.There’s something viscerally pleasing to him to Finn stops dead and turns around, a smile on his lips as Poe reaches him, the two of them hugging in a way that reminds Poe of the first time they did it, after Takodana. Rey, from the Falcon’s access ramp, turns around for a second, her eyes meeting Poe’s before she turns back, walking into the freighter.

Finn doesn’t let go - he hangs on, his nose pressed to Poe’s collar, his eyelashes wet with rain and fluttering against Poe’s skin. “I thought you weren’t going to say goodbye,” he says, words muffled into Poe’s neck, and follows them with a kiss, a brush of his lips against the curve of Poe’s neck, unmistakable.

Poe breathes in sharply, a gasp more than anything else since his lungs are on fire, and Finn brings his head up to look at Poe, lips parted, a drop of rain hanging on to his bottom lip. Poe swallows hard, reaching up and brushing it off, his other hand curved around the nape of Finn’s neck.

“At least got to wish you good luck, Finn,” Poe says, blinking rain out of his eyes as he smiles, and Finn, Finn, courageous reckless brave beautiful Finn leans in and kisses Poe, nothing chaste or soft in it. Poe surges into it, not missing a beat, wrapping his arm around Finn’s shoulders as Finn grabs onto Poe’s waist, pressing wet cold clothes to Poe’s skin, sensation counterpoint to how hot Finn’s mouth feels. Finn groans and Poe shivers, the kiss heated and urgent, all sorts of unsaid things and weeks of tension releasing, for these fleeting moments before - before Finn has to leave.

Poe pulls away reluctantly, keeping his eyes closed, unable to resist kissing Finn’s lips a few more times, and then the corner of his mouth, his cheek, his temple. Finn hangs his head down, and Poe pushes his lips against Finn’s forehead, tasting urgency and rain and skin and Finn whimpers. “We could have been doing this for weeks,” he says mournfully, and Poe laughs.

“I’ll be around when you come back, Finn,” Poe says, even though there’s nothing less certain than that. He wants to believe he will be, though.

Finn nods, and forces himself away, looking like it physically hurt to do so. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

Poe grins, grabs Finn’s jacket lapels to be able to kiss him one last time, and says, as a goodbye, “May the Force be with you, Finn.”

;;

Pushing up the flap of the tent that’s holding temporary quarters, Poe looks around him, still bewildered at how quickly the Resistance has started putting the base together on Ithor. It feels like the whole of the Resistance is buzzing by, carrying crate upon crate of necessities, with commanding officers barking out orders.

There are a few buildings scattered around the new base, smaller than D’Qar, but the Resistance had to settle according to Ithorian laws and cultures, wanting to respect all of it. It forced them to work with smaller structures and a lot less concrete, which Poe likes, allowing more of the jungle to creep up between structures. There’s still a landing strip being built, and enough cleared space for a maintenance bay to host a few starships in; the X Wings will have to continue to live outside.

To Poe, there’s something inherently organic in the way the base looks, like a spiderweb of wood and fabric woven together to shelter a community and its resources. It feels like Ithor is suddenly suffusing the Resistance with its landscape and its energy, making it easier to breathe - even with the humidity.

Maybe the humidity has something to do with Poe being able to breathe easier, since the planet reminds Poe of his homeworld; so damn humid but also this luxurious, beautiful jungle everywhere around and through the base, that makes him want to climb trees, swing from vine to vine like he used to do when he was younger. The sweat on his brow reminds him of being a teenager, flying off planet without his dad’s approval just to get a respite from the sometimes oppressive jungle heat.

Right now, it feels good. Yes, his shirt sticks to his back with sweat and the trees are so tall they’re partially blocking out the sun, but it feels more like home than Poe’s been used to on D’Qar, which, some days, felt almost too nice, with its temperate climate and its lakes and forests. From his parents’ stories, Poe’s always expected Resistance bases to be on unforgiving worlds, like Hoth. So Ithor and its bloodsucking fauna and possibly-dangerous flora, its stifling heat and oppressive jungle, it...feels right, to Poe.

He’s already heard Snap complain about the conditions, before finding the first recon he could take and fly out, Iolo at his wing, wanting to escape Ithor. They’d get used to it. Poe remembers when he used to go on jungle expeditions with some of his friends, spending days on end in the dense, damp rainforest and surviving off of killing small animals and making tiny fires. It had gotten him in some hot waters with his parents a few times.

Turning around, Poe looks up at the massive trees surrounding the temporary quarters little hub of tents, and he walks determinedly towards them.

Maybe he’s a little homesick.

;;

From his slow descent, Poe can see his father standing by the porch of the ranch, shielding his eyes from the wind sweeping up from Poe’s ship. Poe smiles, leaning out and checking out the ranch, waving at his dad, lowering his X-Wing on the small landing pad at the front of the main house, his dad running ahead to meet him.

He’s right there when Poe jumps out of his ship, BB-8 chirping happily around their legs as they hug, Kes holding Poe close, a hand around the nape of his neck like he used to when Poe was little. “Hey, son,” he says, voice gravelly as ever. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

They pull away, Kes leading Poe towards the house with an arm wrapped around his shoulders. BB-8 follows, moving around to follow skittering animals, beeping happily before returning to Poe’s side. Sometimes, having BB-8 around is not unlike having Kei around, especially now that he can walk.

“So, did you get some leave?” Kes asks as they walk inside the house, much cooler than outside, Yavin in his almost perpetual tropical season. Poe toes off his shoes and shrugs off his jacket immediately, wiggling his socked toes on the cold tiles of the house.

“Nah, I just took a detour from the new base. Don’t have that long, we’re still setting things up over there, but the General let me come and say hi. How are you? How’s the ranch doing?”

Poe watches his father pour them some drinks as soon as they’re in the kitchen, leading Poe back outside to sit on the porch, two big fans keeping the air moving. They sit side by side, overlooking the land his parents got when they retired from the Rebel Alliance, 30 years ago. The Jedi tree is still there, thriving, glowing faintly in the sun. If Poe focuses, he can hear it whispering in the stillness.

“Everything’s good. We’ve had a couple of tough months, but it’s got better. Got a stall at the market in town, and not much time to get bored. Where’s my grandson?”

Poe feels his smile turn a little sour, dipping his head into his glass and taking a drink. Every time he visits, his dad busts out an expensive bottle of liquor - this time it’s Poe’s favorite, Corellian white rum. It’s silky smooth going down his throat, warming him up better than the weather.

“He’s on Naboo, with Otara,” he replies, trying to suppress the bitterness in his tone and not quite achieving it.

“Hm,” Kes says in answer, raising an eyebrow at his son. “You sound angry about it.”

“She didn’t ask me about it, that’s all. She just told me she was taking him away, and left. I thought this whole thing was about communication, but I guess that’s only if it suits her.”

Poe knows he sounds like a petulant child, but he misses Kei, and he misses Finn, and there’s nothing much he can do about either of these things. He got to see Kei once, for barely an hour, between two major supply transfers, and it doesn’t feel like enough.

“I’m just - I’m losing everybody. What if she decides she doesn’t want to come back, and I stop getting to see my kid? He’s growing up so fast and I already feel like I’m missing so much, but it’s not like I can just...stop. Not now. There’s finally some - some hope again.”

“Poe, hey,” Kes says, forcing Poe to look at him. “Listen. Otara puts Kei in danger every single day, being on base with him, just so that you can have a relationship with him. Every day, the base can be compromised, and an attack can happen. Switching bases means it’s already compromised.”

Poe looks down at his drink, takes another mouthful of it, tastes it for a long time before swallowing. His father tops up his glass.

“You’re lucky, son. We missed out on most of your first two years. You get to see a lot more of Kei than we got to see of you. Don’t be angry at Otara for protecting your son. It’s not fair.”

Poe sighs, feeling bad all of a sudden; he’s telling this to his dad when his parents had it worse, when they didn’t get to see him at all, for almost two years. He didn’t realize at the time, of course, and as he grew up he understood it was made to protect him. He’s lucky that Otara’s not doing the same.

“I’m sorry, Dad, I -”

Kes claps Poe on the shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “It’s fine. I don’t begrudge you for missing your kid.”

“It’s not even just that, it’s also - Dad, so much has happened. I - I mean, General Organa put me on a classified mission, during which I ended up taken -”

“What?” Kes interrupts, but Poe raises his hand, shakes his head.

“I’m fine, I ended up fine, and it’s all thanks to Finn.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Poe nods, unable to stop himself from smiling as he thinks about Finn. “He was a soldier. He was a Stormtrooper, but, Dad, he saved my life. He helped me get off the Finalizer, we escaped together. He - he saved me, when nobody was coming - I was undercover, Leia couldn’t back me, if I got caught that was it, I couldn’t have ties with the Resistance. So I thought that - I thought that was it. But Finn saved me.”

Kes inhales in a deep, sharp breath, his eyes clouded when he looks at Poe. “I’ve never heard of a Stormtrooper defecting,” he says softly, draining his drink afterwards.

“Finn is - he’s extraordinary, Dad. He could be a Jedi. He’s gone with Rey - oh Dad, where do I even begin with Rey, she’s so brilliant, too - she fought Kylo Ren, and she and Finn, they saved BB-8 -” BB-8 chirps in agreement, making Poe smile. “Anyway, they’re both off. To see Luke Skywalker.”

It’s like the spirit tree hums at hearing the name, swaying in the air even though there’s no wind. Poe’s father also perks up, surprised. “You found him?”

Poe nods, grins. “Yeah, we found him.”

“Oh, wow. That’s fantastic news!”

“Yeah, yeah it is. Although...you heard about Han, didn’t you?”

Kes nods, mouth twisting as he pours them yet another drink. Soon enough Poe is going to have to spend the night and fly back in the morning. “Yeah, I heard.”

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

“It’s all right, buddy. He’s - he’s had a go at it. We all knew what we were getting into. I feel like - there’s something you’re not telling me, though. So spit it out.”

Poe chuckles, leaning back in his chair and looking up at the sky, turning pink with the setting sun. “It’s just that I - Finn and I - I mean, we haven’t really discussed it, because he had to leave, but. I have feelings for him. A lot of them. And I miss him, but I feel awful about that, because he’s getting to do something amazing, and it’s much bigger than me.”

“It doesn’t make it wrong to miss him, Poe. You’re going to have to introduce us, when he’s back.”

Poe laughs at his father’s teasing tone, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll see. As I said, we haven’t really...talked about it.”

Kes reaches out, a hand on Poe’s shoulder, squeezing. “Son, if you want to be with him, you’re going to have to tell him. You can’t expect him to just know.”

“Didn’t you know?”

Kes laughs. “Your mother wasn’t exactly the kind to tiptoe around things. She made herself very clear, from the get-go, so yeah, I knew, but it wasn’t my gut instinct or anything. It was just her. I didn’t know you to be shy, or lacking confidence, Poe.”

“I don’t. Usually. It’s just...complicated. He’s never had a real relationship, so he needs to learn about his feelings, and learn how to make sense of them, first.”

Kes smiles. “I’m glad to see we raised you right,” he says, more to himself than to Poe, but Poe laughs anyway.

“Yeah, good job, Dad.”

;;

The day that Otara and Kei are scheduled to land on Ithor is glorious. Actually, it’s raining - a warm tropical storm that isn’t supposed to last, but Poe doesn’t care. There’s nothing he cares less about, because he’s getting his kid back.

He waits outside, the rain coming down on him furiously, like the planet is angry at how happy he is, and watches the ship land carefully on the newly minted landing strip that cuts through the forest. A gust of wind rushes past the trees from the landing ship, a cold slap in the face making Poe’s hair fly about his face, but he stays right where he is, ready to sprint forward as soon as the ship is down.

Earlier, he’d contemplated wearing his Resistance uniform, but it felt weirdly formal, so he ended up picking his usual attire of dark pants and shirt and one of his battered leather jackets. It makes him think of Finn.

Poe tries to stand at attention under the rain as the ship’s engines power down, and the hatch door lowers slowly, but he’s doing a terrible job at it, bouncing on the balls of his feet and leaning up on his tiptoes to try and catch a glimpse, his muscles twitching as he waits.

“Hey!” Otara greets him when the door is down, a sunny smile on her face as she holds Kei in one arm, an umbrella in the other. Poe gives up, he grins, running ahead to the two of them.

Kei shrieks happily as he sees Poe, holding his arms out, and Poe doesn’t care that he’s soaking him as he gets under Otara’s umbrella, grabbing Kei and pulling him into a hug, kissing everywhere he can reach. “Hey, buddy, hi, hi, I’ve missed you,” Poe chants as Kei laughs and babbles, his arms around Poe’s neck.

Poe takes the time to soak in the presence of his son, smelling his skin and his hair and feeling how much bigger he’s got, just comforting himself in the weight and the warmth of Kei’s body in his arms. Later, he looks up, and grins at Otara, who’s tipped the umbrella to protect all three of them as much as possible.

“Hi,” Poe says, reaching out to squeeze her hand with his. She smiles, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“Hi.”

“Missed you, too,” Poe says, and Otara laughs, rolls her eyes. She’s got a little bit of a tan.

“Yeah, yeah.”

;;

“Remember when you asked me if there was anything more you could do?”

Poe suddenly snaps to attention, straightening up from the mp he’d been charting hyperspace routes on, in a corner of the new Command Centre. There was a dark corner behind Lieutenant Ko’s station in which he liked to hide, but of course General Organa would find him.

“General,” he replies, nodding.

“Walk with me,” she says, and gestures at him with two fingers, already turning around. He pockets his holopad and follows, falling in step with her as they walk outside the crowded Command. Outside, it’s not all that different, the main crowd gravitating around the building.

“Since we were able to open communications with the remnants of the New Republic, we’ve had an influx of new volunteers,” General Organa says, motioning for what looks like an endless stream of kids, running around with boxes in their arms, setting up tents, listening intently as C3PO leads them around.

“That seems like a good thing,” Poe replies, his hands behind his back as they stroll around, like they have all the time in the world.

“It is. But it also means I need your help. We need to set up a tighter schedule of aptitude tests and training once volunteers have been put in the best corps for them, if any. And I need you to pick which of your pilots will act as a flying instructor, considering that it will mean they will probably be spending more time on base than in the sky, at least for a while.”

“I’ll think about it, General.”

“We’re also going to need to prepare for more supply runs. Some of them possibly less than strictly legal,” General Organa adds, raising an eyebrow towards Poe, who just gives her his best shit-eating, smug pilot grin.

“You can count on us, General.”

;;

For the next week, Poe plans. First, he makes his schedule according to Kei time, which comes first, the two of them getting reacquainted after weeks apart. Then, he plans the trainees and cadets’ training rotas, usually with Jess and Snap’s help, as they’d be both be taking on big roles during the piloting tests and training.

And after that, he plans more supply runs; they’re lacking in actual birds to fly at this point, but there isn’t much they can do about that without more of the New Republic’s support, which is still putting itself back together. The Resistance has to work on trying their best to rebuilt some ships from burned-out shells, which asks for a lot, a lot of parts.

Poe keeps his head and his hands as busy as he can to avoid and think too much about - everything else. About Finn being gone for so long; where he is, what he’s doing, is he a Jedi now, will he even come back at all? It’s useless to think about it, but Poe can’t help himself.

When Poe and Kei are alone together is when Finn’s absence is the most keenly felt. Poe never thought that Finn would find himself naturally drawn to Kei, and actually wanting to hang out with him, to know about him, know about them. Poe’s just impressed with the way Finn took having Kei around in stride, like he was just one other person to enjoy spending time with, like it was easy.

But Poe knows better - or, he wants to think so. He knows just how big a burden having a kid is, and he can’t ask anyone but Otara to take on that burden with him. Poe knows that a kid changes things, for him and for whoever he’s with, and that’s why he’s not had a serious relationship since Otara. He can’t ask Finn to take on that responsibility, to face the possibility of Kei loving him like another father only for him and Poe to part ways down the road. It wouldn’t be fair on Kei, wouldn’t be fair on Finn, either.

Finn has so many better things to do than to worry about Poe and Kei. He’s off doing great things, and he doesn’t need to be thinking about them, back on base. he definitely doesn’t need the tether that Poe himself has with Kei - not that he’d want it any other way, because coming back to ground for Kei to be waiting for him is the very best part of any day, but. Poe signed up for it, while Finn didn’t.

How could anyone ask this of Finn? Poe certainly can’t.

;;

“Hey,” Poe says, announcing himself as he walks into Otara’s quarters. She’s fighting with a squirming, naked Kei, dripping water all over the floor.

“Keiki, come on!” She tells him scoldingly, wrapping him in a towel again as Kei tries to escape, laughing his head off. She manages to catch him, though, when Kei sees Poe at the door and starts toddling towards him.

“Dada!”

“Hey buddy!” Poe answers, just as Otara sweeps Kei into her arms.

“Ahah! Got ya!” Kei first shrieks, then laughs, and Poe does too as he walks inside Otara’s living quarters, joining her in looking down at Kei, now wrapped up and looking all snuggly in a blue towel, dark curls of hair flopping out of it. “What a monster,” Otara says fondly, opening her mouth and making a show of eating Kei’s finger when he tries to poke at her cheek.

“Takes after his mother,” Poe replies easily, earning himself an elbow to the side.

“What’s up?”

“I’m just glad you guys are back,” Poe answers truthfully, his eyes on Otara and Kei as she starts moving around again, getting Kei dry and dressed. He’s looking around as usual, big bright eyes looking on curiously at the world, his fingers in his mouth and his legs kicking in the air.

“We’re glad to have you back, too. You could have visited, you know.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I got...sidetracked.”

Otara makes a little, sort of amused, noise. “Ah, yeah. The Finn thing. Karé told me about it when I ran into her yesterday.”

Poe frowns for a second, contemplating saying that there is no thing, but it’d be lying. And, damn, his pilots truly are gossip mongers.

“It all got pretty complicated,” Poe says, looking at his hands, remembering Finn tracing the lines of his palm. “I don’t want to be in his way, you know? Be it whatever his future holds, or whatever he wants from Rey, I don’t know. I just. I was there for a bit, but. He’s off to bigger and better things.”

“Better things than the best damn pilot in the Resistance?” Otara asks, turning to him. There’s humor in her tone, gently teasing, and Poe chortles, raising an eyebrow at her.

“You thought there must be better things,” he says pointedly, and she rolls her eyes.

“One, no, and two, I’m not Finn, Poe. What makes you think he doesn’t want to be with you?” she replies, letting a now-dressed Kei to the floor, where he starts doddling around, aiming for his father. Poe holds his hands out to him.

“It’s not that -” Poe pauses when Kei gets to him, grabbing his pants leg and grinning up at him before toddling off towards his toys in a corner of the room. “Hey, Keiki, well done,” he congratulates, before looking back up at Otara. “It’s not that I don’t think he wants to be with me. I just don’t want to be a burden.”

“How -”

Poe licks his lips. Otara joins him on the bed, sitting by his side, touching from shoulder to thigh.

“I’m so attached to the Resistance, Otie. I need to be here, and to be a part of it, but he - he doesn’t have to. He shouldn’t have to. And he could be off becoming a Jedi and going on adventures with Rey and he could fall in love with her and I don’t want to tether him.”

“I thought General Organa was your role model? She made it work.”

“Did she?” Poe asks, hearing the bitterness in his voice.

“Well, they tried. They were happy, for a long time. Want my opinion?” Otara asks, putting a hand on Poe’s knee.

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I.”

“I think this is a cop-out. You’re scared. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe you’re worried about history repeating itself. But. Okay. Are you sure about him?”

Poe wants to protest, tell her she’s wrong, that he’s thinking all of this over for Finn’s sake, but he can’t deny that maybe there’s a kernel of truth in her words. He still allows himself to be annoyed by her matter-of-fact tone and assurance.

But her question? This one’s easy. “I’m sure I love him. And Rey loves him. And BB-8 loves him. And Kei loves him. If only he wasn’t so goddamn charming, huh?”

Otara laughs softly, patting Poe’s hand when she says, teasingly, “Sounds like you’ve got some competition there, bud. Maybe I should spend more time with him, he sounds like a catch.”

Poe breathes out a chuckle through his nose, nodding. “Yeah. You’d have a good time, too.”

“Maybe if you talked to him, that’d help,” Otara says after a moment, the two of them having grown a little quiet, comfortable. “Let him make his own choices, you know? He’s been stripped of that right most of his life. The least you can do is give him the opportunity, don’t you think?”

Poe inhales sharply, nodding. He can’t be that person, can’t do that to Finn. It’d make him just as bad as everyone else that’s taken Finn’s free will away from him.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Otie.”

;;

When Kei sees Finn on the tarmac just by the Command building, he makes such a shrill noise Poe almost drops him, and then starts wriggling the hardest he’s ever had, smacking Poe’s face to be let go, feet kicking.

“All right, all right, calm down!” Poe grouses, letting Kei down, who takes off into a run right away, arms askew and little legs going faster than he can register. Poe runs after him because he knows - yep, here it is - that Kei’s bound to fall, but his son barely seems to even register the fall as he gets himself up, helped by Poe, and starts running again.

When Finn spots him, he drops the bag he was holding and takes off in a jog, eating the distance between him and Kei much faster than Kei would, as hard as he was trying.

“Oh, bug, I’ve missed you so much!” Finn exclaims when they’re close enough, crouching to Kei’s level, who jumps into his arms. Poe has to pinch himself, thinking about how barely over a year ago, Kei was the tiniest little man, unable to do anything by himself. Now he’s getting a proper personality, likes and dislikes, and enjoys expressing them. Loudly.

Poe can’t help but think that, overall, it’s pretty neat.

“Nini!” Kei yells, burrowing into Finn’s embrace, disappearing entirely in Finn’s arms as Finn laughs, sounding so happy Poe could cry.

Finn hugs Kei close. “You’ve grown up so much!” Kei squeals, throwing his arms around Finn’s neck, laughing happily. Poe’s heart grows three sizes as he watches, unable to help himself from grinning, reminded of so many similar reunions between Kei and himself.

Finn and Poe’s eyes meet, and Poe smiles, a tight knot in his stomach preventing him from rushing forward and taking the two of them in his arms. He lets them have their moment. They deserve it, after all, and Poe’s not going to intrude. He’ll have plenty of time to catch up with Finn, he’s sure, but he knows so well how it feels to see a kid after a long absence - there’s so much to take stock of.

He walks closer, though, burying his hands in his pockets to keep from showing just how badly they’re shaking. “Hi,” he says after a while, his eyes meeting Finn’s.

Finn - Finn looks like he’s seeing the sun for the first time, grinning hard as he holds Kei up, stepping close to Poe but stopping just a foot away, reaching out and curling a hand around Poe’s forearm. “Hi.”

Poe does his best to smile as genuinely as he can make it, his insides twisted up with worry and unwelcome thoughts. He wants to step in and kiss Finn, tell him everything’s good, everything’s fine now that they’re together again, but he can’t. Instead, he says, “Welcome back,” and his voice trembles a little.

“Thanks,” Finn murmurs, looking uncertain now, and Poe knows it’s his fault. “Can we - we should - talk.” His face is full of hope.

Finn shouldn’t have to ask that. It should be a given, it should be easy and Poe should be impatient to get some time with Finn, to talk to him and lay things out. But instead, Poe opens his mouth, closes it. Nods, but he’s already thinking of how to avoid it. He doesn’t want to be rejected. He doesn’t want to be left behind. He doesn’t want to hold Finn back. He doesn’t think he’s got a choice.

“Yeah, um. We will.”

Finn raises an eyebrow. “When?”

“Soon,” is Poe’s reply, as lame as it is. It doesn’t mean anything, and Finn gets it, his face falling a little, breaking Poe’s heart.

“Poe -”

“I gotta go -”

He grabs Kei, gently, ignoring his son’s protests as he does so, and darts away, taking off into a jog as quickly as he can.

“Poe!”

;;

If there’s something Poe won’t deny, it’s that Rey is kind of extraordinary; he really can’t blame Finn for being taken with her. Poe’s reminded of his mother when he looks at Rey, strong and independent and beautiful and hard-headed, but also full of humor and softness, which he encounters first thing, when she meets Kei properly for the first time.

Poe’s playing with Kei by the river close to the base, letting him walk around precariously, Poe holding onto him as he waddles in the mud, delighted.

Poe sees Rey approach from a long way away, her stride easily recognizable, and he smiles, using Kei’s hand in his to wave. “Say hello, Keiki,” he whispers at his son.

Rey stops once she reaches them, immediately going to her knees, tilting her head to Kei’s eye level. “Hello, there! We met before but you were sleeping, little man. I’m Rey,” she says, holding her hand out to Kei, who grabs one of her fingers, using it for balance.

“Ki! Ki!” he replies, and Poe laughs, also dropping to his knees and wrapping an arm around Kei’s waist. The cold wetness of the mud seeps through his pants.

“His name’s Kei.”

Poe remembers, months ago, meeting Rey for the first time after the Starkiller base battle, just a moment before she was crumbling in General Organa’s arms and Poe was rushing after Finn. Then there was that time, later, both of them by Finn’s side. They’d laughed about Finn’s big, reckless heart together, and it felt like a bond.

“My, he’s really cute,” she says, making a face at Kei, who laughs and reaches out for her nose, making her giggle.

“Thanks,” Poe says, and he meets her eye then, adds, “And thank you for finding Skywalker.”

Kei plops down on the sand and Rey does the same, her hand holding onto his. “I didn’t bring him back.”

“I’m sure he has reasons. They probably make sense for a Master Jedi, too,” he adds with a grin, and Rey snorts with good humor.

“Yeah, they probably do,” Rey looks up at Poe, her eyes serious. “Listen, I wanted to thank you.”

“What for?”

“Taking care of Finn,” she says, truthfully, and Poe smiles, shrugs.

“You’re welcome, but - there’s no need. It’s not like you asked me to, I just - I wanted to.” He doesn’t say I didn’t do it for you because it sounds too close like posturing; he’s not trying to stake a claim.

“I know. Still, I -” she pauses when Kei makes his way to her, wrapping his pudgy little arms around her neck, and Poe feels something stupid and envious in the pit of his stomach. he can’t really tell who he’s envious of, right now. “Oh, oh okay,” Rey whispers, hugging Kei back with a soft smile on her face. He settles against her, playing with a strand of her hair.

“I didn’t really take care of Finn, you know,” Poe admits, rueful. He wipes the sand off his hands on his pants. “I’d even say he took care of me, really.”

She smiles at him again, this time the one that shows her dimples, like she doesn’t really believe him. “I’m just glad you were there for him.”

Poe nods, grinning at Kei when their eyes meet. “Yeah, me too.”

;;

Poe, in all honesty, doesn’t really try to avoid Finn. He just assumes that Finn’s busy, and he’s busy himself anyway, sending fighters to all corners of the galaxy to get rid of as much of the First Order as they can with their limited resources. It’s kind of a time-consuming effort, it really is - Poe’s spent so many hours in Command today that when he closes his eyes, he can see maps, maps, maps. Maps everywhere. Little red dots and long blue lines and just. Maps.

And then there’s the fact that he’s heading half the missions himself, and he feels like he hasn’t seen his bed in days. Weeks. Months.

“Alright, this has got to stop.”

Poe opens his eyes, standing up abruptly. He’s been hoping he’d get some shuteye, but Finn’s here, looking sort of angry but mainly disappointed, his arms crossed over his chest. Poe takes a breath; sleep will have to wait. He guesses he’s put this conversation off for a while, now.

“Hey, Finn -”

“No, no, you don’t get to do that, Poe. I’ve been back for over a week now, and I know you’ve talked to Rey, but you’re never around when I want to speak to you. You’ve not even been sleeping here! What gives?”

“I’m -”

“What?”

Poe makes an all-encompassing gesture. “Busy. You know.”

Finn makes a face, his lips tight and his brow angry. “Yeah, I know. Everybody’s busy, Poe. I’m not asking for all day everyday, but come on, barely a hello since I came back! I was gone for a month, Poe! Are we - am I -” Finn shakes his head and sighs. “No. This is on you.”

Poe frowns, feeling an unfamiliar type of anger rise up in him. “I’ve been spending all day everyday trying to make sure this base doesn’t get blown to bits the second we relax, Finn! I have a job to do here, okay, and it doesn’t involve babysitting you!”

He doesn’t mean that, and he regrets the words the second they come out of his mouth, especially when Finn’s face falls, then switches to a blank scowl. Poe would, happily, spend days with Finn, doing nothing else than losing track of time. They can’t, he’s perfectly aware of that, but he would. Why isn’t he saying that?

“Of course, Mister Best-Pilot-in-The-Galaxy, how could I forget.”

“Finn -”

Finn holds up a hand and shakes his head, a disappointed smile forming on his face. “No, you know what? It’s fine. You go on and do your very important Resistance job, Poe. Maybe you were right, and I’d be better off with Rey. At least she doesn’t ignore me completely, even when she’s busy. You let me know when you need me to take care of your kid for you again, it’s apparently all I’m good for.”

Finn walks out without allowing Poe to respond, and Poe?

Poe crumbles.

;;

Poe digs his palms against his eyes, rubbing at them. His eyelids feel like sandpaper, gritty and painful. He’s not been crying, exactly, but his tiredness and his fight with Finn sit heavily over his shoulders, in the pit of his stomach, all painful. He doesn’t know how to approach any of it. He doesn’t know what to do. All he knows is that he’s alone, and lonely, and exhausted.

He’s been drifting from place to place, avoiding crowded places and eating alone in corners of the Base whenever he felt like he really had to. He buries himself into work and snaps at everyone around him if they disagree with him - even, sometimes, when they agree. He knows he’s being unpleasant, but he can’t - stop himself. He barely sees Kei, just not to give him a bad impression, and he avoids speaking to Otara, too, not wanting to be judged for his bad attitude.

He sees it; he’s not blind to himself, and he’s not denying that he’s being a heap of dung to most people. But - he can’t help himself. Like a coping mechanism, his hackles are way high, helping him deal with how hurt he is, or helping him try and ignore how hurt he is. It’s not like - it’s not fair, he knows, he knows, he brought this all on himself, but it doesn’t change that there’s a gaping wound in Poe’s chest, where Finn made his place, fitting just right against Poe.

And it’s another thing, another reason - Poe’s bitter at himself, angry at himself, for the way he treated Finn. The guilt is overwhelming, but he has no idea how to get himself out of it. He doesn’t know what to do, which is an entirely foreign feeling, another beast feeding his dark thoughts and feelings.

He has no clue what comes next.

;;

Poe can’t deny that his demeanor has taken a sour turn - even though he feels like it’s warranted most of the time. He’d spent so long missing Finn, and wanting him to be back, so that they could lay everything out and work on it, and when finally Finn made it back to base, Poe promptly ruined it entirely.

So, yeah, maybe he’s been a bit gloomy and snappy at his pilots and friends. At least the new recruits were taking it in stride, hiding away from him as much as they dared, moving away from his path and his starfighter, but his officers? Nope, acting like nerf-herders, the bunch of them.

They actually lock Poe in a room with them, forcing him to just stay here, and listen to their grievances. They all - Karé, Jess, Snap and Iolo - sit in a semi-circle around him, all of them looking a range from disappointed to just mildly angry.

“This is an intervention,” Jess starts, and Poe raises an eyebrow.

“A what now?”

Karé rolls her eyes, leaning forward a little. “You’ve been acting like a prissy moof for days now. You’re not leaving this room until we get you out of your funk.”

Poe leans back on his own chair, crossing his arms over his chest. To say he’s not happy about this would be an understatement. “Wow. Let’s get you all under a Commander who’s not going to treat you kindly, ever, and we’ll see what happens, huh? I could get you all written up for this.”

“Poe, we’re not doing this as your officers, but as your friends.”

“What kind of friends lock their friend in a room to try and get some gossip?” Poe asks, raising his eyebrows at the lot of them.

“It’s not about gossip!” Snap exclaims, sounding more agitated than he has in a long time, surprising Poe. “It’s about you, not having your head in the game. Look, we all would follow you to the end of the galaxy, and you know that. We wouldn’t hesitate, we haven’t before. But you’re distracted, you’re grumpy, you’re snappy, and it’s wearing all of our nerves thin. You need to snap out of it, Poe.”

Poe swallows hard, looking down at his feet. He gets it, even if he didn’t realize just how bad it’d gotten to his Command. But it’s not - he can’t - he grits his teeth, frowning. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he says lamely. And it’s not even that, it’s not even - he just can’t tell them all that he’s in a continuous sour mood just because of a stupid fight with Finn.

“Alright, everybody out, that’s it,” Karé ends up saying, shooing the other officers out of the door, even as they moan and complain about it. It’s a while before the room is silent but for Karé’s footsteps, coming back towards Poe.

“This is about Finn, isn’t it?”

“Why would you say that?”

Karé shrugs, tilting her head as she looks at Poe. “You’d have said something already if it was about Otie or Kei. We’d know, you’re a different kind of grumpy when your kid’s involved. This is...like you’re heartsick or something. So, is it? About Finn?”

Poe sighs, tipping his head back and staring at the ceiling. There’s no point in lying to her. “Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“I keep - I keep on thinking that he’d be better off without me. He’s got all these things to do, and to see. He doesn’t need to worry about me, or Kei. It shouldn’t be his responsibility.”

Some time passes before Karé replies, like she’s trying to put her thoughts into words. “What if he wants to? You won’t be able to stop him. I may not know him as well as you do, but he seems like a headstrong kind of guy. Remember when Otie took Kei away, without asking you? Remember how you felt?”

Betrayed. Hurt. Useless. Empty. His choices taken away from him. Damn, he spent so much time talking to FInn about free will, and now...he’s just taking it away from him. He can’t - that’s not his choice.

“If you don’t want to be with him, fine, fair enough,” Karé continues, steamrolling over Poe’s rushing thoughts. “But you don’t really look like someone who’s getting their way right now, so. You should speak to him. Straighten things out.”

Poe should. Do that. It’s not the first time he’s told to, either. “You know? Yeah. Yeah, I’ll do that.”

He has no idea how, but he’s totally going to speak to Finn, and apologize; put his cards down on the table. Yes.

;;

Once he’s made his decision, Poe feels like it should be - feels like he should be stumbling upon Finn in every hallway, but of course, it doesn’t happen. For days, Finn seems to completely vanish. Poe looks up at every door that opens with his heart hopeful, but it’s never Finn. Finn is nowhere, so Poe goes to the one person he believes will know.

He finds Rey in the mess hall, looking down at her plate with something like wonder in her eyes. He approaches, hands in his pockets. “Can I sit?” he asks, and she looks up, smiling wide.

“Of course!”

Poe straddles the bench and gestures towards her plate. “Is there something wrong with the food?”

Rey shakes her head vigorously, her hair whipping about. “No, on the contrary. It’s just...I’m still getting used to being full. The first week I was here I kept on making myself sick. I even hoarded bread,” she adds, looking down as she blushes, and Poe chuckles, kindly.

“I won’t tell a soul,” he says, winking at her when she looks at him. She laughs, dimples appearing at the corners of her mouth. There’s something so pretty, so delicate about her, and yet also something completely untouchable, like she’s already on another plane of being. She’s mesmerizing. “I wanted to ask you something,” he adds after a moment, feeling helpless about it.

“Yeah?”

Poe wonders if she already knows, but is letting him ask anyway. He prefers to think she’s not prodding around his thoughts without his permission, though.

“Do you know where Finn is?”

Rey opens her mouth, closes it, seems to take a moment, frowns. “I had a feeling it’d be about Finn,” she ends up saying, pushing vegetables around her plate and onto her fork, piling them high. She takes her time eating it, like she wants to see Poe squirm. “He’s asked Leia to send him off-planet for a while. Intel gathering on Yavin 4. Needed a change of scenery, he said.”

Poe’s stomach drops. This is not how Poe wanted Finn to discover his homeworld, he thinks, through the sudden knot of worry. “Who’s he gone with?”

“Admiral Statura. Don’t worry,” Rey says, her voice gentle. “Finn told me what happened. Told me you two fought. I was...surprised, to say the least.”

“Why?”

“Because the whole time we were testing with Luke, every time our focus wasn’t on channeling the Force, he’d talk about you, about Kei. Not like he wanted to go back - he was excited about being Force-sensitive, I think, but he missed you both. He was looking forward to seeing you again. He kept on talking about -” she flushes again, color rising to her cheeks quickly. “About how close you were, and how he wanted to be even closer.”

Poe feels himself blushing as well, looking away from Rey - he’s not surprised Finn confided in her, but it’s still awkward to hear it like this, from someone else.

“I thought that he’d...once he left with you, he’d start to feel that way about you.”

Rey smiles, shaking her head. “Do you really think it’s that simple?”

Poe makes a face, giving her that one. “No, it never is, you’re right,” he replies, smiling. “Okay. Okay, thank you, Rey,” he adds, leaning forward and taking one of her hands with both of his. “And good luck.”

Rey slides his thumb around one of Poe’s, squeezing his hand tightly. “It’s not about luck. But thank you, too,” she says, grinning again.

Poe finds it hard to look away from her eyes, her face, so expressive and open, but he manages after a while, taking a deep breath and standing, almost running out of the mess hall.

;;

When Poe takes off from Ithor in a Y-Wing, a couple hours after his discussion with Rey, it’s possible that he hasn’t asked for clearance. He doesn’t expect to be gunned down - this isn’t the First Order, but his comms crackle into life quickly, BB-8 chirping loudly about it. He’s not too happy that Poe’s taken off without authorization, and he’s making it very clear to Poe, even if there’s no question that he also wouldn’t have left him go alone.

”Commander Dameron, please return the Starfighter to docking bay 15.”

Poe recognizes Kaydel Ko’s voice, calm and collected. He sighs. “Sorry, Lieutenant. Got something to do, I’ll be back soon.”

It’s unlike him to commandeer a Resistance ship for his own personal affairs, which is why he’s not surprised with his comm comes back to life shortly after his response, this time General Organa’s voice filling the space in the cockpit.

“Poe?”

“I’m sorry, General.”

“Maybe I can help,” she says, and BB-8 thrills, telling Poe the General has switched to a private frequence for their conversation. Poe licks his lips. “Can you talk to me?”

“I’m doing something a little foolish, General. I just - can’t wait. But it has nothing to do with the Resistance.”

“Could it have something to do with Finn?” she asks, but it’s obvious in her tone that she knows it is. Poe curses himself for being so obvious, sometimes, but. He can’t really bring himself to regret it.

“I know I could have talked to you about it and you’d probably would have let me borrow a ship, or convinced me to wait until he came back, but I can’t wait and risk him to change his mind completely about me, General. I need to talk to him.”

“I don’t know everything that passed between the two of you, but I know you well enough that nothing I could say would deter you right now, so I might as well...help.”

“Help?”

“I’ll get Lieutenant Ko to send you the coordinates of the colony they were meeting our contact.”

Poe is taken aback, but the gesture warms his all the way to his core, making him smile to himself, becoming a grin when BB-8 thrills again, this time a lot happier sounding. There’s much to be said about General Leia Organa - incredibly strong, level-headed, the most clever strategist Poe has ever met. And also, sometimes, when the circumstances allow her - a woman who’s known love and lost it, kind of a romantic. And Poe can’t be sure the circumstances are really in their favor right now but, he’ll take anything he can get.

“Thank you, General Organa.”

“You’re welcome. One day I’ll get you to call me Leia,” she adds just before cutting the transmission. Poe laughs.

;;

“Finn!” Poe exclaims, loud. It carries over the landing strip - Poe on one end of it, Finn on the other, unmistakeable. Poe would have recognized him between a multitude.

Both Finn and Admiral Statura stop, turn around, the look on both their faces quite similar, although Statura’s keeping his countenance better than Finn, who just looks utterly shocked.

“Poe?”

Poe jogs across the strip, BB-8 dashing past him to run circles around Finn, who’s standing stock still and looking at Poe like he’s seeing a ghost. Admiral Statura scratches his throat, straightening his lapels. Poe stops in front of him, and salutes.

“Admiral, I was hoping to borrow Finn from you, if possible.”

“Since our mission concluded, you can, Commander. Do you require our ship to wait, or can we go back for debrief?”

“I’ve got a two-seater. I’ll bring him back to Base.”

“Poe -” Finn starts, but Admiral Statura interrupts him, jerking his head in a nod.

“Very well,” he says, before smiling, a tiny bit. “Welcome home, Commander.”

Poe salutes again, but grins, and Statura turns on his heels, clasping Finn’s shoulder. “Thank you for all your help, Finn. I hope we get to work together again, soon.”

“Admiral,” Finn replies, still looking shocked. Statura leaves them, walking up the ramp of their carrier with a determined step.

Poe would have started talking immediately, if the roar and pulse of the ship Statura’s in doesn’t cover every noise as it takes off. Finn looks at it for a moment, still looking like he doesn’t get why he’s not on it with the Admiral. Only when the ship is turning into a dot in the sky does Finn turn back to Poe.

“What’s going on?” Finn asks, and Poe’s heartbeat suddenly picks up. Everything comes back in a flood of thoughts and memories, from the moment they met to seeing Finn, asleep with Kei safe in his arms, to their kiss and their fight, the highs and lows of the last few months making Poe feel a little dizzy. “Poe,” Finn says, sounding breathless.

“I’m sorry, Finn. I didn’t mean for this to happen, I wanted - I wanted things to be amazing when you came back from training with Rey and Luke, but by then I got myself all tangled up in my own thoughts, and I didn’t give you the choice to even talk to me, which was unfair, and I’m sorry. I was so adamant to everyone else, telling them you should be able to make your own choices, and I didn’t even see that I was keeping you from telling me about them when it came to - to us.”

He stops, breath short, the words having gone out in a rush, some sort of unstoppable wave. He’d been bursting at the seams for days, and he still thinks he could have expressed himself better, but. What’s done is done, what’s said is said, and he stands here in the middle of a landing strip, feeling like his heart is beating right into the palm of his hand, up for the taking if Finn wants it.

“What kind of thoughts got jumbled in your head, Poe?” Finn asks, quietly. Poe takes a deep breath, struggling with putting them in coherent sentences.

“I - I thought you’d be so busy with the Jedi training, and reporting back to Command, and whatever was happening with Rey that you didn’t need more distractions,” he says, and he knows that at the time, he undoubtedly thought these things true.

It’s like Finn deflates. His rigid stance suddenly relaxes, and he walks towards Poe, closing the distance between them. It’s like the days they spent apart shrink right there to nothing, disappearing like the space between them.

“Poe,” Finn says, stepping even closer now. “Poe, I wanted the distraction. I still want it.”

“Oh.”

“You know how I said, months ago, remember when I said, maybe if I spent more time with Rey I’d realize that I’d want her? Remember when we had that talk, about attraction and love and all that, when I asked you why you and Otara weren’t together anymore?” Finn asks, all in a rapid breath, like he can’t wait to get it all out, like Poe did himself a minute ago.

Poe nods, holding his hands up, and Finn moves closer still, pushing his chest against them. “Yeah, I remember,” Poe says, too scared to blink. Maybe Finn will disappear if he does.

“I don’t - I still think she’s beautiful, and she’s amazing, and I’m attracted to her, for sure, but I’m - I’m attracted to you, too. I’m attracted to you way more, and I thought maybe it was because we spent all this time together, and I thought that being apart would maybe change all this, but. It hasn’t. I kept thinking about you, and wanting to be around you, and wanting to touch you,” Finn says, so fast that Poe’s unsure he’s actually heard it all right. The crazy hard and fast beating of his heart could be having an effect on his hearing. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ll leave right now to go on a mission with her if she asked me to, but. But not for - I just want to be her friend. I’d like to...be with you.”

Poe, even though his heart is beating in his throat, raises an eyebrow. “You rehearsed that, didn’t you? It sounds rehearsed.”

He can’t blame Finn - he rehearsed his own words a million times in the past few days.

Finn beams, that ridiculous bright smile that Poe can hardly believe nobody used to be able to see. “Maybe. You did, too.”

“What did Rey think of your speech?” Poe asks, mirth in his tone. He laughs, imagining Finn reciting the words to Rey, back on base, or maybe over comms.

Finn takes a deep breath, then replies, in a high-pitched tone and Rey’s accent, “Swoonworthy.”

He winks, but his smile dims quickly, his eyes searching Poe’s. “Poe, I mean it,” Finn adds, sounding breathless. “I kept on thinking about you, and wanting to tell you about my days, and I wanted to - I wanted to kiss you again -”

Poe can’t stand it anymore, so he does just that. He reaches out, cutting Finn off mid-sentence and kissing him as sweet as he can bear it, drinking in the sound Finn makes before he reaches out, clinging to Poe, fingers digging behind Poe’s ears. It’s kind of urgent, and a little sloppy with it, pent-up emotions rising to brim just underneath their skin.

Poe pulls away forcefully, reluctantly, hands framing Finn’s face, thumbs brushing under Finn’s eyes, his skin soft and thin. “Shit, Finn -”

“I missed you so much,” Finn breathes out, harsh, and Poe groans, pulling him into another quick kiss.

“We should - go. Somewhere else.”

Finn nods, eagerly. “We had rooms in the inn. We can probably get one again. They didn’t look too busy,” he says, motioning the nearby little colony.

“Lead the way,” Poe says, his voice sounding raw.

;;

The inn room is dark, smells a little stale, but Poe doesn’t care. The bed’s only got a sheet thrown over it, which is now barely covering them, threatening to slip off their legs with every movement. Which is fine by Poe, he doesn’t care he doesn’t care, not right now when he’s got Finn all along his back, his collarbones sticking to Poe’s shoulders with sweat. Their fingers are entwined over Poe’s hip, one of his legs on top of Finn’s, their bodies moving slowly together, something lazy about it but for Finn’s thrusts, deep and making Poe shiver and moan.

Finn’s forehead pressed to the back of Poe’s head, his breaths coming short and shallow against Poe’s damp skin. The sounds he makes, they’re incredible, and Poe wants to keep going forever to hear more of them, for another one of the growls Finn let out when he first pushed inside Poe, wrapped all around him. Just the memory makes Poe grip even tighter onto Finn, pushing back against him, his body arched into Finn’s touch.

“Oh, Finn, you feel so good,” Poe says in a moan, clenching his jaw when Finn thrusts inside him, deep and hard, making stars burst in the back of Poe’s eyelids. He cries out and grabs the back of Finn’s neck, keeping him close for a second before he slides it down Finn’s arm, going to grab his hand and push it towards his own cock, leaking all over his own stomach.

Finn’s muscles are bunching all around him, his thighs, his arms; the sweat covering the two of them in a fine sheen, easing Finn’s hand’s movements over Poe’s cock. Finn’s generous with kisses, raining them all over Poe’s neck and shoulders, down his arm, back up to his earlobe. It feels like he can’t help himself, like a drowning man needing air, and it makes Poe’s stomach flutter anew, his cock jerking in Finn’s hand.

It’s a combination of it all, of Finn and the smell of salt in the air and Finn inside him and the noises he makes and the way he touches Poe, like he’s the most precious thing Finn has ever touched; it sends Poe over the edge possibly embarrassingly fast, or it would be if Finn didn’t follow a few seconds later, clinging to Poe, panting into his neck.

It takes him a while to come back down, his mind reeling with what just happened. The two of them going from nothing to an hyperdrive jump very fast, and maybe - maybe they shouldn’t have, but Poe can’t bring himself to regret it. Finn shifts, pulls out of Poe, making them both grimace, and then stands. Poe shifts over to his belly, resting his head on his crossed arms as he watches Finn cross the room to the tiny refresher.

Poe watches his fill, because that body, seriously, Poe wants to pray at that temple every day. Built like a soldier, strong and dependable, and able to make Poe tremble just by touching him.

Finn comes back with a wet cloth, cleaning Poe up and grinning at him, slapping him lightly with the cloth when Poe wiggles his butt, amused. Finn laughs, falling back into bed easily when Poe tugs at him, and it’s that smile, that genuine, incredible smile, reaching his eyes. It’s more than Poe can take when his body is still riding the aftermath of his orgasm, and he has to close his eyes, resting his forehead against Finn’s.

“D’you want to go and visit my father with me, tomorrow?” He asks, just a whisper between the two of them. Finn makes a tiny noise, a little strangled, and Poe opens his eyes, suddenly worried.

But he shouldn’t have been. Finn looks delighted, his eyes shining bright. “I’d love to.”

;;

Poe thinks the introduction between his father and Finn should be more awkward than it ends up being. As it is, it’s a straightforward affair. Poe brings Finn to the family home, letting Finn touch the wooden beams he used to climb as a kid, looking awed. “This is where you grew up?” He asks as they walk inside the house, and Poe nods.

“This is where I grew up.”

“Son!” Poe’s father’s booming voice startles him a little, but Poe recovers quickly and chuckles, guiding Finn by the hand towards the kitchen. They find his father chopping vegetables at the small table, wearing an apron that says ‘kiss the cook’, an old relic that Poe’s mother gave him, when Poe was still little. Poe gives him the time to wipe his hands and stand up before pulling his father into a hug, letting go after a moment.

“Dad, this is Finn,” Poe says, his eyes begging for his father not to comment - the teasing streak is strong in the Damerons. “Finn, this is my father, Kes Dameron.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Kes says, shaking Finn’s hand firmly. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Same, sir!” Finn grins, his charming, amazing smile that makes Poe grin right back.

“Well, kids, do you want to stay for dinner?”

“I’d love to,” Finn says before Poe gets to respond, which makes him roll his eyes, chuckling.

“Sure, dad. We gonna go see the tree, and we’ll be right back.”

“Okay. Take your time,” Kes replies, patting Poe’s shoulder. Poe can tell, dinner is going to be….interesting, to say the least; he expects a ton of questions from all sides, and to be square in the middle of it all.

Poe, for some reason, isn’t too concerned. Maybe it’s because he knows his father and he feels sure about Finn, for once in his life - it all seems to fit together. So, hopefully, should they.

“Oh,” Finn says softly when they get to the tree, still holding hands; it reminds Poe of that night they talked about it. He brushes the fingers of his free hand along the bark, closing his eyes. “Wow.”

“Yeah,” Poe replies in a whisper. It’s like the tree is humming above them, like it’s saying hello. Poe smiles, and mouths a greeting back.

“I didn’t think it’d feel this way.”

“Well, you are Force-sensitive,” Poe says, cutting himself off before adding ‘even if only a little’, because he’s not sure yet of Finn’s feelings about the whole Jedi training thing. A conversation for another day.

Finn, after a moment, lets go of Poe’s hand to lie down under the tree, motioning for Poe to join him. Poe does all too willingly, resting his head in the grass right next to Finn’s, looking at the sun filter through the Jedi tree blossoms. It’s beautiful, kind of enchanting, and Finn laughs, reaching up with a hand like he wants to try and catch one.

“Thank you, Poe,” he says after a moment, and Poe raises an eyebrow.

“What for?”

“This. This is amazing.”

Poe smiles, reaching out for Finn’s hand. He laces their fingers together, and turns his head, shifting close enough to be able to kiss Finn’s temple, just a quick one. “We can come back, anytime. Well, almost any time.”

Finn grins. “Good.”

It’s then that Poe hears his dad, most probably from the porch. “Dinner’s ready!”

Poe tugs on Finn’s hand, lightly. “C’mon. Let’s eat some stew.”

;;

When they come back, Ithor is still the same. Of course, Poe gets a small dressing-down from both General Organa and Admiral Statura for his irresponsibility, but it’s short-lived. After all, he brought the Y-Wing - and Finn - back in one piece. They’re both in brighter spirits then he’s seen in a while, and Poe himself is all too mellowed out to fight back, accepting the meted punishment - a week of on-ground training of the cadets, no flying whatsoever - with a nod and an impudent grin.

They were only gone a couple of days, but Kei greets both Poe and Finn back like he hasn’t seen them in months, which is the best feeling in the Galaxy - he really does need to get his father to Base to spend some time with Kei.

The evening after they arrive back, Poe and Finn are sitting side by side in their room, Kei asleep in his cot, his sleepy snuffles rhythmical. Finn leans close, resting his chin on Poe’s shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?”

Poe takes a breath, turning his head to press his lips to Finn’s forehead, his eyes still on kei’s crib. “What about Kei?”

“What about him?” Finn asks back, sounding confused.

“He’s - he’s a lot of responsibility, and he and I kinda come in a package deal. You might not - you didn’t sign up for this,” Poe says, unsure if he’s making as much sense as he wants to. It feels like it’s too late to have this conversation, but he still wants to know what Finn’s thinking about it.

For a while, Finn doesn’t say anything. He turns, resting his cheek against Poe’s shoulder as he looks at Kei, too, a fond smile on his smile. “You know, before this - before Kei, I honestly, well I didn’t know what family felt like,” he says, and it’s not an answer but it sounds like one. “I come from nothing, Poe. To me, all of this...it’s no responsibility. It’s all bonus on top of getting you. I love him,” he says, simply, like it’s that easy.

And maybe it is.

“And I love you,” Poe replies. There’s a part of him that is convinced, whatever happens between him and Finn, even if their relationship ends, Finn will always be there for Kei. Poe promises himself he’ll never get in the way of their relationship.

“I know,” Finn says, a smile on his face, which makes Poe laugh, poking Finn in the side. He doesn’t need to hear it back, not really, but Finn’s playing with him, now.

It’s only after a tickling match, that ends with Finn straddling Poe’s lap, that Finn says it, hands framing Poe’s face. “And I love you,” he repeats back to Poe, words whispered right against Poe’s lips.

“Yeah, I know,” Poe answers, before kissing the grin off of Finn’s face.

;;

Just because Poe is grounded doesn’t mean that he can’t sit in his X-Wing. He’s not flying it, after all, he’s just sitting in the cockpit, Kei on his lap, playing with the joystick. He’s too little to manage much more than holding onto any of the controls, but he’s delighted anyway, laughing loud as Poe makes flying noises in his ear, banking their bodies left and right as if they’re in the middle of a heated battle. Kei is making little noises himself between peals of laughter, like a tiny engine humming, sometimes like the whine of a lightsaber.

“Yeah, pew, pew! You got ‘em, kiddo! What a shot!” Poe exclaims, holding on to the joystick over Kei’s tiny hand, guiding him to shoot down imaginary enemies. Kei bounces on his lap, sounding and looking so happy it makes Poe’s heart burst, so unbelievably excited to be able to take Kei flying soon, just like he did himself when he was just as small, sitting on his mother’s lap.

As a Dameron tradition, it’s a little bittersweet; it means they still have to fight, but it’s also proud, because they’re flying to protect the Galaxy. It’s something Poe cannot regret showing Kei, teaching him. It’s in his blood, anyway; if Kei wants to fly, Poe would be completely hopeless in trying to stop him. He’d be unwilling to, anyway.

“Hey, you two! Time to go!”

Poe looks around the cockpit to see Otara on the ground, waving at them, a hand cupped around her mouth as she shouts up at them. Poe gives her an A-OK sign, grinning before leaning close to Kei and kissing him soundly on the temple. “Ready to land, kiddo?”

“Zooooooooom! Land!”

“Yeah, zoom indeed. Let’s take this bird back to the ground, buddy,” Poe says softly, placing his hands on Kei’s again and leading them through an imaginary landing, explaining everything he’s doing to Kei, running him through a standard landing sequence. “Hey, look at that, you did it! Saved us and got us home safely!”

Kei looks over his shoulder at Poe, bright eyes shining, and grins wide. “Mama?”

“You wanna tell her of your exploits, huh?”

Kei nods hard, looking solemn. “Tell Mama, fly with Dada. Pew pew!”

“Alright then, let’s go!”

Kei holds onto Poe as he gets them both out of the X-Wing cockpit, maneuvering them down expertly with only one hand. He lets Kei down once they’re on the ground, and watches his son run to his mother, already babbling in his own brand of tense-less speech.

Poe follows at a more sedate pace, knowing that by now, everything must be ready. He smiles to himself when they get to the clearing, just outside the Base proper; the weather is what it is on Ithor, humid and a little sticky, but the sun is shining, and the crowd assembled is all festive, making Poe’s cheek hurt, he’s smiling so hard. They’re all here for Kei, for his little boy, his friends, his family, his everything. He can see General Organa chatting with Rey, Lieutenant Ko rearranging a string of paper lights strung around a tree, Karé and Snap already bickering, arms wildly flailing while Jess looks on, amused. And then Poe spots Finn, and his father, both of them hunched over a large cake, looking like co-conspirators. Poe grins hard, jogging to catch up with Otara and Kei, taking Kei’s free hand and lifting him off the ground in time with Otara, just to make him whoop and cheer.

When they arrive, everyone turns to them, and cheer. “Happy birthday, Keiko!” They all say in unison, and Kei, now left to roam, claps and laughs, looking only a little overwhelmed as he rushes around everyone, looking up at them and getting himself a multitude of hugs.

Two years old. Man, does time fly. Poe slides close to Otara, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, and she leans in willingly, patting his hand with hers. “We really did do good,” she comments as they watch General Organa crouch to Kei’s level, giving him a tight hug. Kei kisses her cheek, and the look on her face is enough to make Poe’s eyes sting.

“We really did."

;;

END