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Donna Noble had become quite skilled, over the years, at letting her mother’s words slide into one ear and out of the other without letting any of them stick. Of course, if Sylvia knew that, she’d just claim that was because there was nothing for her words to stick to in Donna's head. And if Donna were being honest, they stuck more than she’d like to admit.
Everything Donna did was simultaneously lacking somehow and at the same time, ‘too’. Too much. Too little. Too loud. Too mousy. Too lazy. Too involved. Trying too hard. Not trying hard enough.
Before she and Lance had split (or, rather, before he left her standing at the altar), it had been much the same. She was too fat. Too thin. Too bold. Too meek. Too frumpy. Too pretty.
Nothing Donna ever did was good enough, and this was knowledge that she’d just absorbed as part of her DNA.
Donna Noble, Born Failure and Singularly Unimportant.
There was only one person in Donna’s life who didn’t think of her as mediocrity incarnate, and that was her grandfather, Wilf. She clung to her time with him; it the only time she ever felt like she could be the most honest version of herself. Wilf accepted her and loved her for what and who she was, and Donna found herself wishing every night on the stars she looked at with her grandad that someday, she’d find other people who treated her the way Wilf did.
“And where were you today, hmm? I needed the car and you weren’t here! God knows you weren’t working. If you were working you could afford to pay your way and wouldn’t have to live with me and your grandad. Lord above knows you two eat me out of house and home. And if you'd get a bloody job, you could probably afford some nicer clothes, too. Maybe that’s what was wrong with Lance, why he left. You weren’t willing to pull your own-”
“Grandad on the hill?” Donna asked her mother, interrupting Sylvia’s litany of condescension.
“Where else would he be? Not in here helping me, certainly,” Sylvia waved a dismissive hand in the direction of the backyard.
“Right,” Donna said, taking what she needed from her mother’s words and trying to dismiss the venom. She looped her finger through the handle of the thermos on the counter and grabbed her coat from the rack by the door. “I’m out back with Grandad, then.”
“Of course you are,” Sylvia spat. “Neither of you would ever bother coming in the house and behaving like normal folks, would you? Oh no, you’ve got to-”
Donna shut the door on her mother, muting her words, and started across the backyard to the top of the hill.
Wilf heard her coming and raised his arms wide in welcome, the chill in the air turning his breath into a little puff of vapor. “Donna, my love!” he called down to her. “Come to look at the stars with your old grandad?”
She smiled and held the thermos out to him, he accepted it gratefully.
“Bit too loud in the house, eh?” Wilf said, knowingly.
Donna shrugged. “No more or less than usual. I’ve worn out my welcome.”
“Poppycock,” Wilf said, forcefully. “My name’s the one on the deed, and you’re welcome to live here forever, sweetheart.”
The smile she gave was more sad than anything else. “May have to take you up on that. What are we looking at tonight?”
“Saturn tonight, then likely Jupiter. It’s clear enough for a good view, and with this new telescope you can see the Galilean moons! They're quite pretty. When Galileo discovered them, he thought they were stars at first! You'll like them; they sparkle beautifully. But for now, we’re looking at Saturn and her glorious rings. Come, have a look.”
Donna walked over to the telescope on her knees and peered into the eyepiece. An amber-colored jewel of a planet winked back at her.
“Wouldn’t it be brilliant to be out there, Grandad?” Donna asked without looking up. “Wouldn’t it be just wizard to fly among the stars?”
“Oh yes,” Wilf replied in a wistful voice. “I’d love to travel the cosmos, although I rather think I’d be a bit of a scurrying ant amongst the greatness of the galaxy.”
Donna rocked back on her heels. “It would be hard to feel more insignificant than I am here.”
“Don’t say that, love,” Wilf implored her. “You’re not insignificant. You’re brilliant, you are.”
Donna was reminded of the Doctor’s words to that effect earlier that day, and Jackie and Rose’s agreement with the statement. She remembered laughing with the Doctor, Jackie and Rose, and then later with Jackie’s bloke Pete after he came home. She recalled feeling like a part of something, and not less than anyone there.
Considering that the Doctor was a time-traveling alien who was bloody brilliant, that was really saying something.
“Grandad, what would you say if I told you I met someone today?”
“Good for you!” Wilf cried, clapping her on the shoulder. “'Bout time you got back out there and started living again! What’s the lucky bloke’s name?”
“It’s not like that, Grandad,” she said quietly, with a smile. “He’s married, with twins on the way. But the wife, Rose is her name, she was so nice to me. And Rose’s mother, Jackie, and this other man, Pete. They made me feel special, just for a little while.”
“Then I say you should spend more time around this family,” Wilf said, decisive. “You need to be around people that make you feel good about yourself.”
“I did, while I was there with them. I felt clever and important and...significant. Like I mattered in the grand scheme of things. They’re a wonderful family.”
“Then you should definitely be around them as much as possible.” Wilf hesitated, proceeding with caution. “You sure that the wife don’t mind?”
Donna shook her head. “The Doctor - that’s his name - he’s rather fit and all, but it's not like that, not at all. Besides, he's utterly devoted to Rose. Rose seemed a little hesitant about me at first, but she warmed up very quickly. Besides, you know I would never do anything like that.”
“I know you wouldn’t, sweetheart,” Wilf assured her. “But if these people make you feel like you’re worth something, you should chase that. As much as they’ll let you.”
“I think you’re right. They all seemed...seemed to like me.” She paused, smiling to herself again, letting the truth of her words settle in. She really had felt liked and clever and wanted at the Tyler’s flat. And she felt they’d been sincere when they told her to come by anytime - she’d exchanged numbers with the Doctor and Rose, and Rose had asked her to go to lunch on Tuesday, the next time she was in town. It would be so nice, Donna thought, to have friends she could feel good about.
“I’ve been invited to a Halloween party at their house, and I was told I could bring a plus-one. Would you be my plus-one, Grandad?”
“A date with the prettiest girl in London? Why, there’s nothing I’d like better, sweetheart.”