Work Text:
- Household rules: Chores (cooking, cleaning, trash, laundry, etc.) are split 50/50, depending on how busy someone is the other person can pick up the slack for them; Contribution to finances and spending are proportional to how much you earn; Big purchases and heavy financial burdens must be talked about and agreed upon beforehand; Budget meetings will be monthly or by necessity; Household rules may be added, removed, or modified depending on necessity; Remember to start each day with a positive attitude and a plan for productivity :)
- Do not attempt to “innovate” “repair” “fix” or “improve” anything in this house without a) your girlfriend’s permission, b) several hours worth of research into whatever it is you want to fiddle with, and c) the appropriate materials for the job.
- Pizza/Movie night is once a week on Fridays and we are sticking to that, Tom.
- Do not attempt to literally carry your newlywed wife over the threshold, Tom.
- Don’t adopt a dog while I’m out of town, Tom.
- Don’t adopt alien children while I’m out of town, TOM.
- Household rules for anyone under the age of 18: No using your powers to destroy the house, the lawn, any of our property, or our driveway; No bringing our house or family to the attention of the government; No signing autographs for any of the neighbor’s kids even if they really want you to; Don’t answer the door by yourself; If the government does show up unannounced inform the other members of the household and don’t show yourself; If Robotnik somehow appears again do not attempt to fight him by yourself; Household responsibilities are now split into even thirds with the exception of financial responsibility; Daily necessities will be provided for by us, everything else you can pay for using the allowance we will give you monthly; No watching R-rated movies or consuming any other media intended for adults.
- Until you learn what the word “dictatorship” means, you cannot claim this household is one.
- No exceptions to the movie rule, even if you’ve seen it before.
- Do not think you can get out of the movie rule by suggesting a NC-17 movie instead of a R-rated one. Do you even know how the rating system works?
- Don’t eat at super speed in front of Maddie, it makes her nauseous.
- You have worn us down. You can use your powers for every household responsibility with the exception of cooking.
- Do NOT attempt to cook at any speed above ordinary human speed, especially not if you’re tired and hungry and it’s past midnight. Just because you can clean the mess up super fast doesn’t mean we won’t notice.
- Stop attempting to get out of the under-18 rules just because you don’t “technically” know your age, all you’re doing is making Tom sad.
- Discussions of past or current trauma do have a time and place in this household, but that time and place is not the dinner table.
Sonic can do whatever he wants forever- Only people who are above 18 are allowed to add, remove, or modify rules on this list.
- Do not steal snacks from random stores and leave ten dollar bills on their shelves, a) you’re way overpaying for most of the snacks and b) that’s still technically stealing.
- For everyone under 18, curfew is 10 pm on weekdays, midnight on weekends.
- Do not look yourself or Eggman up online.
- Do not create social media accounts without permission.
- We didn’t think this had to be said, but no illegal activity outside of what you need to do to hide from the government. Even if that illegal activity is in an attempt to help others.
- Groundings are non-negotiable.
- Don’t adopt alien siblings while we’re out of the house, SONIC.
- You cannot attempt to get out of grounding just because you saved the world.
- All of the above rules apply to all newcomers in this household, regardless of how they might be used to behaving. Exceptions will be made for cultural differences but not to the point of property damage or feelings getting hurt.
- Physical fights between brothers are not allowed even if they are allegedly for “training purposes”. I don’t care if you aren’t technically damaging property or hurting someone’s feelings. Don’t do it.
- Forbidden Topics: Owl and Echidna War. We’re severely disappointed in both of you, and we wish you would have told us about these issues before they boiled over.
- If you break it, you fix it.
- When you’ve severely offended a family member, you have two weeks to get over yourself and attempt to talk it out. You cannot avoid each other forever.
- Therapy is now recommended for anyone in this family who recently survived a life-threatening situation or has lingering issues from trauma.
- No interrupting Tom and Maddie when they’re having a “private adult night”. I know nobody has done this yet, but this is the one rule you will regret breaking.
- No building weapons or dangerous machines in the house.
- No building weapons or dangerous machines in the shed or in the yard. We don’t care if that’s not technically in the house, it’s still on our property.
- Do not attempt to shirk the previous two rules by building in the road or the woods. We will know.
- “Powers and/or Weapons Training” has to be supervised by an adult at all times.
- Stop trying to claim you're nocturnal animals to get out of curfew, we've lived with Sonic for two years, we know that isn't true.
- Do NOT use the fact that your brother’s voice is deep to convince liquor store owners to sell to him.
- Also do not use your other brother’s inherent cuteness to try and manipulate store owners into giving you things for free.
- Do not use your hero status to manipulate anyone into giving you anything for free.
- Do not use your orphan status to manipulate anyone into giving you anything for free.
- Do not use your warrior status to threaten anyone into giving you anything for free.
- STOP trying to get things for free.
- Stop using your puppy eyes on dad to get things for free.
- Forbidden topics: Owl and Echidna War, the Robotniks; GUN;
Shadow. - Therapy is now required for anyone in this family who recently survived a life-threatening situation or has lingering issues from trauma.
- Even if you aren’t grounded, vanishing for days on end while you search all across the planet for someone is not allowed even if you succeed, Sonic. Check in with us.
- Stop inviting Shadow over to the house and not telling us, he teleports directly into the living room and that is extremely startling to whoever is in there at the time.
You are not allowed to date without permission. Exercise common sense in who you try to date.- Arguing “One of my brothers tried to kill me, what’s the difference?” in response to “You cannot date someone who tried to kill you!” is not productive from either angle, and I expect better communication in the future.
- You are allowed to date whoever you like (if they are age-appropriate and want to be in a relationship with you) but you are not allowed to be alone in the house with them for any considerable length of time.
- STOP repeating the above rule verbatim whenever Tom and myself are spending some time together. It doesn’t count as dating if you’re married.
- Sonic, because I know how your brain works, do NOT propose to Shadow just to get out of the rule, I will ground you until you’re 18 I swear to god.
- Tails is still not allowed to date. Sorry, kiddo. Gotta wait until your teen years before we’ll let you even consider it.
- Destroying government property/facilities together does not count as “a date” even if no one got hurt, Sonic.
- You are not allowed to drive your boyfriend’s motorcycle without a driver’s license, SONIC.
- YOU CANNOT STEAL A TANK FROM THE MILITARY AND DRIVE IT AROUND THE BASE YOU’RE CURRENTLY DESTROYING, SONIC.
- Any and all illegal activity does not count as a date. Go to a nice restaurant or something.
- Even if your brother illegally flew a government helicopter while in Tokyo, that does not make driving without a license okay. We expect better from both of you.
- Do not operate or control any vehicle you do not have a license for, unless it’s an emergency.
- Building a vehicle does not automatically mean you have a license for it.
- Do NOT modify Shadow’s bike to “make it more rad”, not even if you have his permission. I will take it apart with a wrench myself if I have to, and it is not an exception to all the vehicle-related rules.
- I do not know what “where to get uranium” and “how to create uranium” is doing in Tails’ search history, but no, No, NO. Stop immediately.
- Shadow is not allowed to bring any type of weaponry inside the house while he’s visiting (this rule now includes his bike).
- Shadow does not count as “above 18” just because he was born in the 70s and then frozen until 2024. You cannot both date him and claim he’s over 50 years older than you, Sonic. You cannot use him to try and get alcohol, modify household rules (he doesn’t even live here), or watch R-rated movies without us.
- We forgot you’re technically 18 now, Sonic. You can watch R-rated movies and other mature media without any other adults around. Just don’t show them to Tails (for obvious reasons) or Knuckles (he gets scared by almost everything).
- Knuckles, we’re very sorry that we also forgot you’re over 18. In our defense, neither of you two act like adults.
Grapes must be constantly available in this houseAll aliens never have to go to school again or get a jobNo curfew for aliensI can make a training course in the woodsI can spend the night at Shadow’s apartmentI can challenge Shadow to a fight to the death if he harms Sonic in any wayI can challenge Knuckles to a fight to the death over the previous ruleI can make Sonic go through my training course until he is capable of being competent in a fightOur very existence is technically illegal so we can do anything else illegal that we wantI can drive the car to go and buy my own grapesI CAN RIDE SHADOW’S MOTORCYCLE!!!!!!- Sonic and Knuckles are not allowed to add, remove, or modify rules on this list. Tails, when you hit 18, don’t disappoint us.