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If anyone were to ask Akira how he was doing, he would say that everything was going well.
Yes, okay, maybe not by society's standards of well for being in his early twenties - but when had Akira ever followed society’s standards on what life is supposed to look like.
Yes, he was working multiple part time jobs, but he just liked the variance! Akira had never liked doing the same thing all the time, he needed to be able to focus on a variety of things or he simply wouldnt be able to focus at all! That's also why he still hadn't decided on a major, even though Ann and Morgana were starting to really pester him about it at this point.
So what? Maybe he still wasn't ready to settle down into one profession like that, he just needed some more time to enjoy his youth and figure out what he actually wanted in life.
He was only 22, there was so much time still. Really they shouldn’t be getting into his business like that.
They knew settling down made him feel caged.
That's the same reason, as for why none of his relationships lived on longer than a few months. Akira just couldn't stand it, that nagging feeling of being held in the same place, of being forced into the same box over and over again.
Not that any of his dates could ever understand what was happening under his skin anyways. No matter how hard they tried - or pretended to try - they could never understand what it had been like to be the leader of the phantom thieves, to experience what he went through. Not that Akira was mad about it, it wasn't their fault, but it just made it hard for him to actually feel emotionally connected.
Well that and his general interest in… actually connecting. But it was fine really, Akira wasn't complaining, it wasn't even an issue to him, he actually wasn't bothered in the slightest.
Sometimes your early twenties were rough, and honestly after his later teenage years, maybe Akira deserved to slack off a little. The world owed him that much - not that he ever felt like anyone owed him anything.
So was Akira in an ideal or impressive position in life?
No, but that’s also not what he wanted right now. All he wanted was simple jobs, that kept his mind running until his legs went numb and maybe a few drinks in the evening, to let that feeling spread.
Nothing wrong with that.
Just cause all of his friends were able to immediately keep moving, doesn’t mean he was forced to do the same.
He was allowed time to sort himself out. He'd gone to juvie for god’s sake.
Sitting in a corner of the Jazz Jin, Akira was stirring his drink with his straw, the soft music smoothing down the thoughts inside his head. It was late at night, probably around midnight at this point; Akira had run an errand for Iwai and decided he deserved a relaxed evening, and by this point he was not sure anymore how long ago he actually entered the bar. Not that it mattered, if he slept in and missed a shift, he'd be able to talk himself out of it anyways. And if he didn't he'd simply find another job, there were enough shitty minimum wage jobs he could find.
“You look miserable”, he heard a condescending voice speak down at him. While the voice seemed familiar he couldn't quite place it, it felt like he hadn't heard it in forever, but also like it would never leave his head.
“Can I help you?” Akira asked, clearly confused what this person’s issue was, his eyes still focused on his drink. As he lifted his head to look at the person talking to him, his body froze in shock.
In front of him, he found Goro Akechi, not the one he saw in his dreams over and over, covered in blood, or shining as the detective prince. No, this was not the 18 year old that burned himself into every crevice of Akira’s memory; this Goro was 23, his chestnut brown hair kept in a ponytail at the nape of his neck, his features seemed even sharper now, more defined as he grew further into adulthood, but his eyes kept the same sort of sparkle Akira remembered, as Goro stared down in him. There was something in his gaze going beyond the teasing smile, Akira couldn't place whether it was pity or disgust.
All he was able to focus on in this moment was the fact that Akechi was in front of him, alive and breathing, and acting like that was normal. Akira had seen him die, more than once to be quite honest, and neither of the experiences were enjoyable - both of them made his skin crawl with guilt.
For a second genuine fear flooded through his ribcage, he knew the choice he made that February, there should be no way for any of that to be happening again - but what if. What if somehow someone had figured out a way again, what if the metaverse was back, what if this was a creation of his cognition once again? Hadn't he suffered through this enough by now?
All of these thoughts were interrupted by a loud sigh in front of him.
“Well, I suppose I should have expected a certain level of surprise, but I didn't think you out of all people would be at such a loss for words, Kurusu-kun”, Goro said, his voice soft and levelled, with the same teasing undertone it usually carried, when he had talked to Akira.
“You’re real.”, was the only thing that came out of Akiras mouth, before he could even process any of what Goro said. His eyes still widened in shock as he stared at the man opposite from him.
“Yes clearly, or maybe you have actually lost your mind, which would be a real shame, to be honest.”, he replied, tilting his head slightly, looking at Akira as if scrutinizing him.
“CLEARLY?”, Akira repeated, his voice raised just below a yell. “Sorry, maybe I missed something, but you d–”
“We should have this conversation somewhere else.”, Goro interrupted Akiras outburst, his eyes stern as he looked down on him.
Realization dawned on Akira, as he started to notice the stares of the other patrons of the bar. Quickly he left some cash on the table and grabbed his jacket.
“Fine, lets go.”, he replied, putting on his jacket and making his way out the door, not checking whether Goro was following him or not. A foolish part of him felt almost afraid that if he looked back, he would simply disappear into nothing.
The cold air hit him right in the face, as he stepped outside. It was still autumn, but the winds had started to become bitingly cold at night. Goro stepped in front of him, wordlessly leading him down different roads and alleys until they made it to a nearby park. No one was around at this time, leaving them private enough for whatever conversation they were about to have.
Akira was the first to break the silence.
“I thought you died.”
Goro, who still had his back turned to Akira, stopped in his tracks. Akira could see his shoulders sag as he breathed heavily, before sitting down on the bench they were standing next to. He gestured for Akira to sit down next to him. As he sat down, Goro began to speak.
“Yes, I believe you do deserve an explanation for my… appearance.”, his voice was soft, his words seemed almost careful, as if scared to say the wrong thing.
Akira watched him, the way he was wringing his hands in his lap with his eyes glued straight ahead, not even glancing at Akira.
“After what…happened,” he started, only elaborating vaguely, “I found myself in a hospital here in Tokyo. Apparently I was in a coma after I came after you and your friends in december, left unconscious until… early february.”
At this statement he made a pause, seemingly pondering something before continuing:
“I was not well; both my physical state, but also my mentality had…suffered greatly. I took some time to recover in the hospital before being sent home. After everything that had happened, and especially with the state of my f- Shido, I decided to stay in the shadows for a while longer. The thought of stepping back into the public limelight made me feel sick, for a while I…”
For a moment he hesitated, swallowing hard. Akira continued to watch him, he would not speak until Goro had said his piece.
“For a while I could barely go outside, I struggled having- having to interact with people and having them look at me. I started anew, completely from the ground up, I left the detective prince's life behind. Small steps, first I started doing small jobs, getting used to being… a person again, before slowly gaining back control. I started applying for universities, I did small detective jobs as a side gig, and slowly, brick by brick, it got easier. Things are still hard sometimes, I still carry the… the consequences with me, but..”, he ended his sentence, waving his hand as if the rest of the explanation would simply appear out of nothing.
“I havent heard from you in five years. Five years! Goro, I thought you died!” Akira repeated, confusion very clear on his face.
At the use of his first name, Goros' eyes darted towards Akira, his mouth opening before closing again immediately. For a second they just looked at each other.
“I know this must be a shock but I-”
“Oh yeah? Great analysis detective.” Akira didn't even know why he was so angry, he felt something clawing at his throat, and an urge to destroy, to break something.
“There is no need for hostility.”, Goro countered, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at Akira.
“Why the fuck didn't you show your face sooner? I thought we-”, Akira broke off his own sentence, sighing heavily. He didn't know what he thought.
“I…”, Goro started, his voice hesitant as his gaze moved away from Akira again. “I didnt think you’d want to see me.”
The statement came out quiet, almost like a confession, light enough to be carried away by the wind. Akira breathed in sharply, unable to control his reaction as he watched Goro.
“I never- you could’ve-”, Akira started but the words were not connecting in his head. Nothing was able to communicate what he wanted to say correctly.
“It's okay," Goro replied, a small smile forming on his lips.
Once again a silence fell over them for a few moments, no sound could be heard beyond the soft rustling of the wind and both of their breathing. Both of them, breathing.
Akira sighed, wiping his face as he started to feel a stinging in his eyes.
“What changed?”, he asked after another second, his voice soft and careful.
“I-”, Goro started, before stopping again, his jaw clenched as if he were struggling with himself.
“I saw you and I couldn't stop myself.”, he explained.
“I couldn’t walk away”
For a moment that confession sat between them, the soft words heavy in the night air.
“I am glad to see you.”, Akira stated after a moment of silence, his voice firm, as if he weren’t allowing any disagreements. “I want you to know that, I am so glad to see you.”
He felt his voice waver a little as he spoke, his eyes stinging once again, but he fought the feeling wanting to break out from inside him.
Goro looked back at him, his mouth slightly open, but no sound came out. After a second he just nodded.
“I am also glad to see you.”
Breathing in tandem, both men looked at each other for a few seconds, years of an unspoken past between them.
“Now it's your turn”, Goro said after a moment. “What…happened to you?” The question seemed almost hesitant, as if worried he would scare Akira off.
Akira just shrugged.
“I mean, not a lot I don't think? After you- after defeating Shido, we fought a sort of culmination of society’s desires, calling itself some sort of god. After that I-”
Akira paused for a moment, looking at Goro. For a moment he wasnt sure if he should mention his experience with Maruki. If Goro asked questions, he might not like the answers. But he seemed very genuine with him.
“After that I - well we - had to deal with the former councilor of my school, Mr. Maruki, as he had created some sort of dream reality in which everyone's biggest desires were fulfilled.”
Before he could continue, Goro spoke up:
“Oh…I assumed that to be some sort of…strange dream.”
“So you know about that?”
“Not in detail, it feels kind of blurry and distant. As I said, when I woke up it felt more like a strange dream I fabricated in my comatose state.”
“Well…it happened.”
“I see.”, he said, before gesturing for Akira to continue. Clearly they would not speak about this right now.
“When mementos ceased to exist I just…kept going I suppose. The phantom thieves disbanded as we all sort of started to go our own ways; we still keep in touch sometimes, but you know how it is. I got my own flat, not too far from Sojiro and Futaba, and I’m just…living life.”
Akira finished his explanation, once again shrugging. There really wasn't a lot to talk about from his end. Things happened and then they ended and that was it. There was no big catharsis or journey, life just kept going.
“Kurusu,-”
“Akira.”, he interrupted Goro immediately.
“What?”
“You can just call me Akira.”
“I- okay. Fine. Akira, how do I best say this? I am really not trying to be insulting, believe me, but uhm you look miserable.”, Goro said, once again looking Akira over with his scrutinizing gaze.
Okay yeah, maybe Akira didn't look his best right now, but he had worked different jobs back to back today and did not really care to freshen up at home before going to the bar. It’s not like he really even expected anyone to pay attention to him.
“Had a long day, it happens.”, he waved off, hoping it would make that strange look in Goros face disappear.
“No, Ku- Akira, that's not what I mean.”, he argued. “This runs deeper than your worn clothes and messy hair. You look…awful.”
“Like I said man, it's fine really.”
“I dont- I dont think it is.”, Goro continued, something strange in his voice now as he spoke to Akira. He couldn't quite place what it was about his tone and the look on his face, but it made Akira want to leave.
“And what do you know?”
“I just- The Akira I remember wouldn't be getting drunk in a dingy bar on a Tuesday evening. I don't know what happened, but you do not seem good. The rival I had would have never given up but you look as if you’ve given up on life…”
“Actually, who the fuck do you think you are?”, Akira asked, now yelling again. Whatever that look in Goros' eyes was, it was becoming too much.
“You haven't talked to me in five years, and now you strut in here pretending to be some sort of expert on me and my life? Maybe this is it! Have you considered that? Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought!”
Anger flooding his system he jumped up from the bench as if it burned him, his fists balling at his sides.
“Akira-”, Goro started, getting up as well, but seemingly trying to calm Akira down.
“No, fuck you actually! I dont need a lecture from you, or from anyone. I’m so fucking sick of everyone pretending to know whats going on inside my life or how I’m feeling. Maybe I am happy like this! Have any of you ever considered that?”
Like a wildfire, he felt this rage come alive inside him, taking up every part of him, until it became everything he was.
“Do not push this onto me, I was simply-”
“You what, huh? What have you deduced with your brilliant mind this time around?”
Goro tried to grab his arm, but before he could even think Akira pushed him off, the feeling in his chest intensifying. Clearly experienced, Goro swung with the movement, following the energy and side-stepping him.
Before Akira knew what happened they were fighting. He wasn't quite sure how they came from one moment to another, he doesn't think there was a conscious choice to this course of action, he just knows that one moment he was locking eyes with Goro and the next they were swinging at each other.
Exchanging blows they fell into a familiar rhythm, trying to outsmart each other, both of them fighting dirty and recklessly. The maw inside Akiras rib cage was yowling in ecstasy. He felt a feral grin reach across his face, the same energy reflected in Goros eyes.
Akira hadn’t felt this alive in years.
Goro pulled his arm behind his back, the strain almost painful. In return Akira kicked back, making Goro lose some of his balance. Quickly he turned around and used the momentum to bring Goro to the ground, using his body weight as leverage to pin him down. Goro shifted his legs, creating leverage and flipping them over. With his arms pinned down, Akira bit Goros' shoulder. Yelping, he let go of Akiras hands, giving him just enough time to free himself. But before he could move again, he felt something cold just below his chin. Goros' knife scraped against his throat, as they looked into each other's eyes, both breathing heavily from the fight, their chests almost pressed together from how close they were.
“That's unfair.”, Akira broke the silence, his voice strained.
“I don't remember us agreeing on rules.”
“Can you put that away or do you plan on killing me right here?”
“Will you be done with the fighting?”
“Fine.”
Goro watched him for another moment, before pocketing the knife again. Quickly he got up, dusted off his clothes, before holding one gloved hand towards Akira. WIthout any further tricks he accepted his hand and got up as well.
“I believe it is quite late and you are still inebriated. Maybe we should continue this conversation another time”, Goro said calmly, as if nothing had happened.
Akira rolled his eyes and got out his phone. “I guess, but give me your number.”
Before Goro could respond he saw the time on his phone and groaned.
“Fuck I missed the last night train”, he mumbled, more to himself, annoyed at the predicament he found himself in.
“My flat isn’t too far away.”, Goro replied matter-of-factly. Akira looked at him confused.
“You could come with me for the night”, Goro elaborated, “until you have to be somewhere tomorrow, I think it would be best for the both of us if you did not roam the streets of Tokyo in your current state.”
“I’m fine.”
“I am offering you this.”
Akira searched for something in his face, something that would make him understand the man in front of him. In the end he sighed.
“Okay, lead the way.”
A smile spread across Goro’s face.
“Fantastic.”