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Clarke was boiling with rage, and a kind of fear she hadn’t ever known. She hadn’t wanted to sleep with the guy, she was drunk. Too drunk to possibly know what she was doing. And here was her best friend, judgmental Lexa, telling her current girlfriend about it. Well, ex-girlfriend as of this morning thanks to fucking Lexa.
Clarke didn’t bother with the front door. She knew it would be locked and she didn’t want to bother with knocking. She wanted to barge in and be loud. She was angry; she wanted Lexa to know it. So she hopped Lexa’s pathetic excuse for a fence and went for the sliding glass door that she never locked, even though Clarke had often informed her she should. Especially when Clarke was on the verge of a murderous rampage.
She somehow managed to slam it open, it sliding and hitting the wall attached at the end. The entire door shook, and Lexa jumped about ten feet in the air when she laid her pretty green eyes on the red faced Clarke storming into her living room that was openly, and annoyingly in Clarke’s opinion, connected to the kitchen. Lexa instantly knew why Clarke was there, the guilty expression that crossed her pretty light features confirmed it. So Clarke wasn’t going to stall anymore.
“What the fuck Lexa?” She let out in a sharp twist, her voice and octave too high for Lexa’s ears. Lexa visibly winced at the sound, but this pulled no sympathy from Clarke. In fact, all it did was make Clarke a little angrier. As if she had the right to be scared and give her puppy dog looks right now!
“Alright, let me explain…” Lexa went to say, but Clarke was having none of it. She made this obnoxious sound in the back of her throat, interrupting Lexa immediately. She did this stance, half leaning on one foot, popping a hip out, placing a hand on it.
“Oh please, explain to me why MY best friend is telling MY girlfriend about a fucking mistake that I made. Tell me why MY best friend isn’t acting like my fucking best friend!” Clarke’s voice got louder and louder the more she spoke. Lexa winced to every single word. And by the time Clarke had finished Lexa was staring at her with squinted eyes and a cringing figure.
“She needed to know. Something needed to change, she… She doesn’t even treat you righ…”
“Oh please!” Clarke shouted, interrupting her. “Not this again!” Clarke shoved both hands through her own blonde locks as she moved into the split kitchen area. She wanted to be closer, to have more of an effect. It obviously worked, but the air in the room was sizzling with something else as Lexa stared at her. That normal buzz of electricity in the air, or that’s how Clarke normally described it to herself. As if she was reading one of those cheap romance novels.
Lexa was so good at infuriating her, but somehow that turned her on. It pissed her off; she couldn’t control the feeling that always developed between them. It was something that had pissed her girlfriend off as well. She was always jealous around Lexa, always snappy and possessive. Clarke knew why, but she’s always ignored it. This feeling with Lexa, it was dangerous, she stayed away from it for a reason.
“This isn’t about what’s good for me is it. Why don’t you just be honest Lexa?” Clarke had never confronted Lexa about her feelings, though her girlfriend had been very open about how she believed Lexa feels for Clarke. In front of the both of them, on many occasions. It caused a lot of awkward encounters. Not that her girlfriend ever cared. She was kind of a bitch that way.
“Wha… what are you talking about?” Lexa was nervous now, her green eyes shaping her fear as Clarke took another step closer to her. Clarke was pissed, she wanted nothing more than to strangle Lexa and make love to her at the same time. It was a confusing thought, one that made everything much worse, including her anger. Her impulsion to grab Lexa and fuck her senseless was stronger than it ever had been, but she wanted Lexa to tell her.
Lexa was like a lost child when it came to feelings. She pursued nothing, but did underlining things to try and get your attention. She was a fucking tease, and it was yet again, another thing that irked Clarke’s nerves to no end. “I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.” Clarke slammed her hand down on the counter next to Lexa, which made the taller girl jump another ten feet into the air. She broke eye contact, though it didn’t stop the air from sizzling with the tension.
“If you can just calm down. I didn’t do it to hurt you, I care about you…”
“That’s exactly it, isn’t it? You want me. You want me all to yourself, that’s why you did it, that’s why you always do it.” Clarke said it venomously, as if she’d use this information against the brunette if she were to admit it. It obviously frightened her, she kept her eyes down, didn’t make contact with the blonde. She gulped audible and went to take a step back.
“Clarke, you don’t know what you’re saying. You’re just mad…”
“Yes I’m mad. But I sure as hell know what I’m saying. In fucking fact, I’ve never been so sure about something in my entire life.” She grabbed Lexa’s waist before she could escape and pulled the taller brunette’s body smack against hers. “Just admit it Lexa. You do all the fucking shit you do to sabotage my relationship because you want me for yourself. You always have. Nylah was right.” She said her ex-girlfriend’s name with more venom then she had anything else. It obviously scared Lexa, whose eyes were big and round and innocent. But something darker was playing in them. They were firmly against each other, Clarke held her dominantly. The charge in the air between them, stronger than ever.
“Let go of me Clarke.” Lexa muttered, her teeth clenching. Clarke knew that Lexa didn’t like being handled. She liked control, whether she played shy and innocent or not. She knew the real Lexa, and the real Lexa despised such submission.
“Fucking make me Woods.” Clarke’s face was rather close to Lexa’s now, her minty breath hitting the taller brunette’s lips. Clarke’s eyes were almost black with anger, but Lexa could still see the blue outlining them. It wasn’t just anger in her eyes; the darker tint told Lexa a different story.
“I told your girlfriend so she’d fucking let you go. That part is true.” The taller brunette shifted in Clarke’s grip, she was uncomfortable with the force in which she was being held, but her skin burned where Clarke’s hands were, and she felt weak at the feel of it.
“Stop lying.” Clarke’s voice dramatically softened, it shocked Lexa. Clarke knew it would because it also shocked her. Why did she want Lexa to tell her so badly? What was she going to gain out of it? A ruined friendship? A destroyed relationship? Her life had gone from great to total shit in a week, and she wasn’t sure how that could possibly happen to one person. She was taking it all out on Lexa.
Poor, sweet Lexa, who normally looked out for her. The anger seemed to flee from her. Her tight gripped loosened, fell from her waist, moved up to her face. She cupped the taller brunette’s face, something in her heart swelling impossibly large. “This is what you wanted.” Clarke leaned forward. “You wanted me. I’m here.” She whispers, her nose brushing Lexa’s. Lexa’s breath hitched, for some reason the taller brunette had started crying. Why? Clarke had no idea.
“Not like this Clarke.” She pushed the blonde away and turned her back on her, but the weeping increased. “Not like this.” She whispers again.
Clarke feels a sense of disappointment as Lexa pulls away from her, feels her heart beat a little painfully in her chest as the taller brunette weeps into her palms. She turned toward the sliding glass door. Lexa was asking her to go, she was going to go. But then something told Clarke that going would be the worst decision, and she swung around again to look at the weeping figure.
“Why are you crying?” She whispered desperately, wanting it to stop. She reached Lexa, and pulled her toward her, turning her around. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, suddenly sad herself, and pulled the brunette into her arms. She planted a small kiss at the top of her head and the brunette melted into her touch. She reached around and wrapped her arms around the small of the blonde’s back. She buried her face in her neck, and was soothed by Clarke’s warmth. “I didn’t mean to yell, you know how I get sometimes.” Clarke mumbled quietly and stroked the taller girl’s brown hair a few times before she pulled slightly back from Clarke to look her in the eyes.
“You aren’t wrong.” She mumbled, and with a palm she reached up and cupped Clarke’s cheek. “I’m in love with you.” She whispered, and she managed to make words that were supposed to sound beautiful, sound so painful. “I have been wrong, but I…” Lexa shook her head and stepped out of Clarke’s arms. She whipped her eyes on her sleeve. Lexa didn’t like appearing this weak; Clarke rarely saw this side to her. “I’m just so in love with you.” She whispers even more painfully then she had before. She is looking at the ground now, as if she’s ashamed of these feelings.
“Why didn’t you just tell me Lexa?” Clarke whispered as well, as if she spoke any louder she’d ruin this fragile side of Lexa and she’d never see it again. She liked it; she liked hearing Lexa tell her that she loved her. No… She loved it.
“The same reason that you haven’t listened to Nylah for these past two years. Because you didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to be in love with you Clarke, it just happened.” Lexa shuffled a hand through her brown curls. “I can’t stop feeling this way, and any time I see you with Nylah, see the way she treats you, I just get…” Lexa struggled for a second; she did not look at Clarke, who was watching her rather intensely. “I get stupid okay. I get crazy, like a stupid teenage girl. I just think about how much better you’d be with me, how I could make you happy, if you just felt that way for me. I get irrational, because I want you to see how much more you deserve.” Lexa met Clarke’s gaze now. “She doesn’t answer your calls or texts for two or three days. She doesn’t talk to you, she talks at you. She doesn’t listen to anything you say. She’s forgotten you’re birthday the last two years she’s been with you. She doesn’t even act like she cares.” Lexa seems baffled at this. “I just don’t understand how someone could have you, perfectly, sweet, beautiful you, and treat you the way she does. You don’t deserve that… You deserve me.” Lexa shook her head, probably not believing she’s actually saying this out loud. Things she thought to herself, but never dare mutter before.
“Lexa,” Clarke muttered quietly, her voice unreadable.
“Just don’t. Okay.” Lexa rubs her eyes. “Just…”
The delicate sigh that Lexa releases from her mouth, full of defeat, breaks Clarke’s heart. She came here so angry, and now… Now all she wanted to do was hold Lexa until the world ended. “Lexa, listen.”
“No, I don’t want to hear you say it.” Lexa shook her head. “I won’t be able to bare it Clarke. Please don’t say it.” Lexa’s green eyes began to water again, and Clarke felt her heart hammering against her chest as they met her blue ones.
“Lexa.” She moved forward to close the distance between the two of them and grabbed Lexa’s face. “Lexa.” Clarke had no idea what she was thinking or saying. She wasn’t even sure if what she felt for Lexa was love, she wasn’t sure. But she knew it was beyond friendship. She knew she wanted to be with Lexa, something she’s wanted for a long time, something she’s always run from. Because she knows, she knows that if she doesn’t run from it, Lexa could capture her and destroy her so easily and Clarke didn’t want to be so vulnerable… But now here Lexa was, being vulnerable and desperate and so sad.
She wanted Lexa to know she didn’t have to be afraid. “Don’t be scared.” Clarke ran her fingers along the brunette girl’s cheek to brush away a small tear as their eyes stayed locked together.
“Clarke, it’s okay. It’s okay you don’t feel the same.” She was admitting defeat before Clarke said anything.
“Lexa, please stop being so scared.” Clarke leaned forward and captured the taller girl’s lips with her own. And it was sweet. It was so gentle and soft and slow, and the hammering of Clarke’s heart only worsened from there. The kiss spun her head in circles; it set something off in her that had been fighting to get out since she met Lexa. Something strong.
And she knew.
She knew she felt the same.
She knew she felt the same as Lexa kissed her back. As Lexa gripped her waist like her life depended on the hold, as Lexa melted into her touch, her lips. As the room swirled with images of moments they have spent together, of time she has spent getting to know the beautiful person before her. She knew that this couldn’t possibly be a bad decision as she brushed her fingers through the sides of Lexa’s long curly brown hair. She held her close as the kiss grew and intensified, both their tongues touching at the same time. The kiss was slow, but so intense at the same time. Clarke wanted to live in it.
And when she pulled back from Lexa just so she could breathe, she knew she felt the same because Lexa was all she saw. She didn’t see anything else around her, it was all blurred out, and all her eyes could see was those beautiful green orbs staring at her in a daze, kind of a shock. Strands of messy brown hair outlining her face, swollen lips from their slow kisses. Lexa Woods had never looked more beautiful to her in her entire life. And she knew.
She knew she was in love with her too.