Work Text:
A quiet buzzing begins to sound just at the edge of our awareness, an indistinct murmuring of voices, as the house lights slowly fade. The murmuring builds, growing louder and louder, voices piling on top of one another.
Millions of fragments of emails, status updates, cat videos, dessert recipes, revenge porn- the music of the spheres.
Of a sort.
Suddenly, sharply, nothing.
Silence.
Then, in the darkness, a laptop snaps open.
The gauzy white glow of the screen illuminates the face of Evan Hansen, sitting at a desk with a hard cast on his left arm, alone.
He begins to type.
Evan: Dear Evan Hansen:
Today is going to be an amazing day, and here's why: because today, all you have to do is just be yourself!
But also confident. That's important. And interesting. Easy to talk to. Approachable. But mostly yourself. That's the big thing, that's the number one thing. Be yourself, and be true to yourself.
Also, though, don't worry about whether your hands are going to get sweaty for no reason and you can't make it stop no matter what you do, because they're not actually that sweaty, and they're not going to get sweaty, so I don't even know why you're bringing it up, because it won’t happen. It just won't. Your hands are fine. The sweat glands are closed, and they're fine. You're fine and your hands are fine. All you have to do is be yourself.
I'm not even going to worry about it, though, because seriously it's not like, it's not going to be like that time you had the perfect chance to introduce yourself to Zoe Murphy at the jazz band concert last year, when you waited afterward to talk to her and tell her how good she did, and you were going to pretend to be super casual and nonchalant like you didn't even know her name, like she would introduce herself and you'd be like, “Wait, I’m sorry, I didn't hear you. Chloe? You said your name was Chloe?” and she'd be like, “No man it's Zoe,” and you'd be like “Oh, see, I thought you said Chloe because I don't even, I'm very busy with other stuff right now is the happs. My bad gang.” But then you didn't even end up saying anything to her anyway because you were scared your hands were sweaty which they were not sweaty until you started worrying they were sweaty, which made them sweaty, so you put them under the hand blow drier in the bathroom, but then they were still sweaty, they were just very warm now.
Lights shift and Heidi Hansen stands there, holding a twenty-dollar bill.
Heidi: So you just decided not to eat last night?
Evan quickly shuts his laptop.
Evan: Oh, I’m, um, I wasn't hungry…
Heidi: You're a senior in high school, Evan. You need to be able to order dinner for yourself if I’m at work. You can do this all online now. You don't have to talk to anyone on the phone. I know you don't like the phone.
Evan: Okay, but see, that's not true actually. You have to talk to the delivery person when they come to the door. Then they have to make change. You have to stand there while it’s silent and they're counting the change, but then maybe they get it wrong and you have to be like, “Uhm, the change was actually six dollars and twenty six cents, not just twenty.” And why is everything some odd cents? Why can't they be full dollars? Nice, round, even numbered dollars?
Heidi: This is what you're supposed to be working on, Evanm. With Dr. Sherman? Talking to people. Engaging with people. Not running away from people.
Evan: You're right. I'm going to be a lot better.
Heidi trying to put a positive spin on it : No, I know. I know you are. And that's why I made you an appointment with Dr. Sherman for this afternoon. I’ll pick you up right after school.
Evan: I already have an appointment next week.
Heidi: And I thought maybe you could use something a little sooner. Have you been writing those letters he wants you to do? The letters to yourself? The pep talks? “Dear Evan Hansen. This day is going to be an amazing day, and here's why.” Have you been doing those?
Evan: I started writing one, I’ll just finish it at school.
Heidi: Those letters are important, honey. They're going to help you build your confidence. Seize the day.
Evan: I suppose.
Heidi: I don't want another year of you sitting at home on your computer every Friday night, telling me you have no friends.
Evan: Neither do I.
Anybody have a map?
Heidi:
Can we try to have an optimistic outlook?
Huh?
Can we buck up just enough
To see… the world won't fall apart?
Maybe this year we decide
We’re not giving up before we’ve tried
This year, we make a new start.
Hey, I know- you can go around today and ask the other kids to sign your cast, how about that? That would be the perfect icebreaker, wouldn't it?
Evan: Perfect.
Heidi: I’m proud of you already.
Evan: Oh, good. Yippee.
Heidi exits the room, stands in the hall, realizing this interaction has been a failure, as Evan packs up for school. He was being sarcastic, and definitely nobody is going to sign his cast.
Heidi:
Another stellar conversation for the scrapbook
Another stumble as i'm reaching for
The right thing to say
Well, Im kinda comin’ up empty
Can’t find my way to you
Does anybody have a map?
Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this?
I dunno if you can tell
But this is me just pretending to know
So where's the map?
I need a clue
‘Cause the scary truth is
Im flyin’ blind
And I’m making this up as I go
Lights shift to find the Murpys at the kitchen table.
Zoie Murphy sits, eating cereal, leafing through a book.
Larry Murphy, on his phone, scrolls through emails.
Connor Murphy stares blankly into his cereal bowl.
Cynthia Murphy stands, fussing over everything- pouring orange juice, topping off coffee, clearing finished dishes.
Cynthia: It’s your senior year, Connor. You are not missing the first day.
Connor: I already said I’d go tomorrow. I'm trying to find a compromise here.
Cynthia Turns to Larry : Are you going to get involved here or are you too busy on your email, Larry?
Larry: You have to go to school, Connor.
Cynthia: That's all you're going to say?
Larry: What do you want me to say? He doesn't listen. Look at him. He’s not listening. He’s probably high.
Zoe: He’s definitely high.
Connor To Zoe : Fuck you.
Zoe: Fuck you.
Cynthia Admonishing Zoe : I don't need you picking at your brother right now. That's not constructive.
Zoe: Are you kidding?
Cynthia: Besides, he is not high.
Cynthia looks at Connor to confirm this.
He doesn't look back at her.
She sighs.
I do not want you going to school high, Connor. We’ve talked about this.
Connor: Perfect. So then I won't go. Thanks mom.
Connor leaves.
Cynthia begins cleaning the dishes, lost in her own thoughts.
Cynthia:
Another masterful attempt ends with disaster
Larry, looking at his phone, shakes his head.
Larry: Interstate’s already jammed.
Cynthia:
Pour another cup of coffee
And watch it all crash and burn
Zoe goes to pour herself more milk, shakes the carton, annoyed.
Zoe: Connor finished the milk.
Cynthia:
Its a puzzle, its a maze
I try to steer through it a million ways
But each day’s another wrong turn
Larry stands, offering Cynthia a perfunctory spousal peck.
Larry: I better head out.
Zoe: If Connor’s not ready, I’m leaving without him.
She and Larry exit.
Cynthia:
Does anybody Heidi:
Have a map? Anybody have a map
Anybody maybe happen Or happen
To know where the hell To know how the hell
To do this?
But this is me just
Pretending to know
Evan and Connor appear in separate pools of light, just outside the school doors, fiddling with shirt collars, smoothing hair, and- for Evan -checking palms for signs of dampness, as the two young men anxiously prepare to face the day.
Heidi:
So where's the map?
Cynthia:
I need a clue
Heidi/Cynthia:
’Cause the scary truth is
Cynthia:
I’m flyin’ blind
Heidi:
I’m flyin’ blind I’m flyin’ blind
I’m flyin’
I’m flyin’ blind Im flyin’ blind
And making this up
As I go
As I go
As Cynthia and Heidi exit, there's the buzz of the school bell.
Lights shift, finding Evan standing in a school hallway.
Alana Beck enters, a certain barely concealed desperation in the eagerness with which she approaches Evan, in her almost way-too-wide smile.
Alana: Hey. How was your summer?
Evan looks around, not sure if she's speaking to someone else.
Evam: My what…?
Alana: Mine was productive. I did three internships and ninety hours of community service. I know: wow.
Evan gathering his courage : Do you maybe… I don't know what you're, um… do you want to sign my cast?
Alana: Oh my god. What happened to your arm?
Evan: Well, I broke it. While climbing a tree.
Alana not listening in the slightest : Oh, really? My grandma broke her hip getting into the bathtub in July. That was the beginning of the end, the doctors said.
Because she died.
Evan has no idea how to respond to this. What the fuck.
Alana plasters a glowing smile.
Happy first day.
Alana exits as Jared Kleinman approaches Evan with the kind of practiced swagger only the deeply insecure can truly pull off
Jared: Is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much or do you consider that an honor?
Evan: Wait. What? I didn't, I wasn't… doing that.
Jared: Paint me the picture: you're in the bedroom, you've got Zoe Murphy’s Insta on your shit off brand cell phone…
Evan: That's not what happened. Obviously. I was, um, well I was climbing a tree and I fell.
Jared: You fell out of a tree? What are you, five? Are you a goddamn achorn? Are you gonna blow away if I breathe too heavy?
Evan: Well, I was, I don't know if you know this, but I worked this summer as an apprentice park ranger at Ellison State Park. I'm sort of a tree expert now. Not to brag, but…
Jared says nothing. He thinks this is the lamest conversation he’s ever had, and that's saying something.
Anyway, I tried to climb this forty-foot-tall oak tree.
Jared: And you fell?
Evan: Well, except it's a funny story, because this solid ten minutes after I fell, I just lay there on the ground waiting for someone to come get me. Any second now, I kept saying to myself. ANy second now. Here they come. I think I can hear footsteps. Oh wait, that's a deer. Any second now. Any minute now. Here they come.
Jared: Did they?
Evan: No. Nobody came. That's… that's what's funny.
Jared: Jesus fucking Christ…
Evan: How was, what did you do for the, you had a good summer?
Jared: Well, my bunk dominated in capture the flag and I got to second-base-below-the-bra with this girl from Israel who's going to like, be in the army… so, yeah, hopefully that answers your question.
Jared turns to go
Evan: Do you want to sign my cast?
Jared: Why are you asking me?
Evan: Well, just, I thought because we’re friends.
Jared: We’re family friends. That's like a whole different thing and you know it.
He punches Evan in the arm.
Hey. tell your mom to tell my mom I was nice to you or else my parents wont pay for my car insurance.
Evan: I will.
Connor crosses
Jared: Hey, Connor. I'm loving the new hair length. Very school shooter chic.
Connor stops, casts a withering glance at him.
I was kidding. It was a joke.
Connor deadpan : Yeah, no, it was funny. I'm laughing. Can you tell? Am I not laughing hard enough for you?
Jared laughing nervously, bravado completely gone : You're such a freak.
Jared, laughing, nervously exists.
Connor turns to Evan.
Evan laughs, visibly uncomfortable .
Connor: What the fuck are you laughing at?
Evan: What?
Connor: Stop fucking laughing at me.
Evan: I’m not.
Connor: You think I’m a freak?
Evan: No. I don't-
Connor: I’m not a freak.
Evan: I know you are, not, you're just really hot-
Connor: Youre the fucking freak- What?
Evan starting to hyperventilate : I didn't say anything.
Connor: Yes you did. You called me hot.
Evan: Well it's just, your hair is really, I just mean well, it looks amazing on you…
Connor: Are you mocking me?
Evan: No! No! Nothing like that-
Connor shoves him to the ground as he storms away flustered.
Slowly, Evan stands.
Waving through a window
Evan:
I've learned to slam on the brake
Before I turn the key
Before I make the mistake
Before they lead with the worst of me
Give them no reason to stare
No slippin’ up if you slip away
So I got nothin’ to share
No, I got nothin’ to say
Step out, step outta the sun
If you keep gettin’ burned
Step out, step outta the sun
Because you’ve learned, because you’ve learned
On the outside always lookin’ in
Will I ever be more than I've always been?
‘Cause I’m tap-tap-tappin’ on the glass
Waving through a window
I try to speak but nobody can hear
So I wait around for an answer to appear
While I’m watch-watch-watchin’ people pass
Waving through a window
Oh
Can anybody see?
Is anybody waving back at me?
Lights shift and Zoe enters.
Zoe: Hey. I'm sorry about my brother. I saw him push you. He's a psychopath. Evan, right?
Evan: Evan?
Zoe: That's your name…?
Evan: Oh. Yes. Evan. It's Evan. Sorry.
Zoe: Why are you sorry?
Evan: Well because you said, Evan, and then I said, I repeated what you said, which is, that's so annoying when people do that.
Zoe: I’m Zoe.
Evan: No, I know.
Zoe: You know?
Evan: No, just, I've seen you play guitar in a jazz band. I love jazz. Jazz band. I love jazz. Not all jazz. But definitely jazz band jazz. That's weird, I'm sorry.
Zoe: You apologize a lot.
Evan: I’m sorry.
He catches himself
Or, I mean. You know what I mean.
Zoe: Well, I’ll talk to you later.
Evan: You don't want to sign my…?
Zoe: What?
Evan instantly regretting his decision : What? What did you say?
Zoe: I didn't say anything. You said something.
Evan: No. Me? No way, Jose.
Zoe: Um, okay… Jose.
Zoe exits
Evan:
We start with stars in our eyes
We start believing’ that we belong
But ev’ry sun doesn't rise
And no one tells you where you went wrong
Step out, step outta the sun
If you keep getting’ burned
Step out, step outta the sun
Because you've learned
On the outside always looking’ in
Will I ever be more than I've always been?
“Cause Im tap-tap-tappin’ on the glass
Waving through a window
I try to speak but nobody can hear
So I wait for an answer to appear
While I’m watch-watch-watchin’ people pass
Waving through a window
Oh
Can anybody see?
Is anybody waving…?
When you're falling' in a forest
And there's nobody around
Do you ever really crash
Or even make a sound?
When you're falling' in a forest
And there's nobody around
Do you ever really crash
Or even make a sound?
When you're falling' in a forest
And there's nobody around
Do you ever really crash
Or even make a sound?
Did I even make a sound?
Did I even make a sound?
Its like I never made a sound
Will I ever make a sound?
On the outside
Always lookin’ in
Will I ever be more
Than I've always been?
‘Cause I’m tap-tap-tappin’
On the glass
Waving through a window
I try to speak
But nobody can hear
So I wait around
For an answer to appear
While I’m watch-watch-watchin’
People pass
Waving through a window
Oh
Can anybody see?
Is anybody waving…
Back at me?
Is anybody waving?
Waving
Waving
Oh
Oh oh oh
Two
Heidi, in her nurse’s scrubs, on her cell phone, a bit hurried, an eye on the clock.
Evan, at school, on his phone.
Heidi: Shit, honey. I know I was supposed to pick you up for your appointment. I'm stuck at work. Erica called in sick with the flu and I'm the only other nurse’s aide on today, so I volunteered to pick up her shift…
Evan is used to this. He expected it.
Evan: It's fine.
Heidi: It's just, they announced more budget cuts this morning, so anything I can do to show that I’m, you know, a team player…
Evan: It's fine. I'll take the bus.
Heidi relieved : Perfect. That's perfect. Oh and I'm going straight from here to class, so I won't be home until late, so please eat something. We've got those Trader Joe's dumplings in the freezer…
Evan: Maybe.
Heidi: Did you write one of those letters yet? Dr. Sherman’s expecting you to have one. “Dear Evan Hansen. This is going to be an amazing day and here's why.”?
Evan lying : Yeah, no, I finished it. I'm in the computer lab right now, printing it out.
Heidi: I hope it was a good day, sweetheart.
Evan: It was… yeah, it was really great. For sure. Yep.
Heidi: Great. That's great. This is great. I hope it's the beginning of a great year. I think we both could use one of those, yeah? Shit. I have to go run. Bye. I love you.
Heidi hangs up.
Evan: Bye.
A long moment alone.
Evan opens his laptop and begins to compose his letter.
Dear Evan Hansen,
It turns out, it wasn't an amazing day after all. This isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because… why would it be?
Oh I how. Because there’s Zoe. And all my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who I don't even know and who doesn't know me. But maybe if I did. Maybe if I could just talk to her, then maybe… maybe nothing would be different at all.
But then there's him. There’s that amazing hair that I saw today, and that blush when I said it was hot, and damn if that didn't make me happy. It was a terrible situation, and I was actually kinda scared I was gonna throw up, but him.
I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was part of… something. I wish that anything I said… mattered, to anyone. I mean, let's face it: would anybody notice if I disappeared tomorrow?
Sincerely, your best and dearest friend,
Me.
Waving through a window (reprise)
Evan:
When you're fallin’ in a forest
And there's nobody around
Do you ever really crash
Or even make a sound?
When you're fallin’ in a forest
And there's nobody around
Do you ever really crash
Or even make a-
Connor enters, holding a piece of paper.
Connor: So. What happened to your arm?
Evan: Oh, I um, fell out of a tree.
Connor cant help but laugh : You fell out of a tree? Thats just the saddest fucking thing Ive evr heard. Oh my god.
Evan tries to laugh along
Evan: I know.
Connor noticing : No one’s signed your cast.
Evan: No, I know.
Connor: I’ll sign it.
Evan: Oh. Um… you don't have to.
Connor: Do you have a Sharpie?
Evan reluctantly pulls out a Sharpie, hands it to Connor.
Evan watches in dismay as Connor signs his name, covering the entire front side of the cast. He adds hearts around his name with a smirk.
Evan: Oh. Great. Thanks.
Connor: Now we can be friends.
Evan: Perfect.
Evan takes the maker, then turns to leave.
Connor holds out a piece of paper.
Connor: Is this yours? I found it on the printer. “Dear Evan Hansen.” That’s your name, right?
Evan feels a surge of fear.
Evan: Oh that's just stupid, it’s a paper I had to write for a, um, for an assignment…
Connor looks down at the paper.
Connor: “Because of Zoe.” realizing Is this about my sister ?
Connor looks down at the paper again.
Connor: “Because there’s him. ” Is that part about me?
Connor’s mood shifts suddenly, abruptly.
Evan: That first bit was just-
Connor: Just what ? What's your thing with my sister?
Evan: It's just, um, well, admiration. She’s good at jazz and I wish I could play an instrument, and she's so good at talking to people without her hands sweating… I’m sorry. I'm so sorry.
Connor mood deflates completely : Oh. What about the other part? Where you wrote about me?
Evan’s face completely turns pink, and it spreads down his neck and to the top of his ears.
Connor smirks and looks back down to the hearts he drew on Evan’s cast.
Evan: Well, um, you see…
Connor: You wrote this because you knew that I would find it.
Evan: What?
Connor: You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this and you printed it out, so I’d find out about your love-at-first-sight moment with me.
Evan: Why would I do that?
Connor: So I would read some weird shit about my sister- which turned out to not be that bad after your explanation -and freak out, right? See your personal note about your new crush so maybe I’d do something about it?
Evan: No. Wait. I don't even… You’re just so…
Connor takes a step closer to Evan : I’m just so what?
Evan’s pupils dilate as Connor steps closer. This is fucking crazy, but Evan wants to finally listen to the part in his head that says go, go go.
The impulsiveness he wishes he acted on, but never did.
Connor kisses Evan, hard.
Evan squeaks out a moan and a gasp of surprise as Connor pulls away.
Connor: I have an idea, just hear me out.
Evan: Okay?
Connor: I’m going to fake my death. I just can't deal with everything anymore. Can I crash at your place?
Evan: What? You’re what? That's fine. Sure. Fine. Fake your death and stay at my house. That's cool. That's fine. Yeah that's cool.
Connor: Perfect. Give me your number.
Evan pulls the Sharpie back out of his pocket .
Connor has Evan write it on his hand.
Connor: I’ll text you.
Evan: Okay.
Connor exits with the letter, as Evan calls after him.
But I really, I need that back. Please. Can you just, can you please give it back?
Three
Evan and Jered, online
Jared: A letter to yourself? What the shit does that even mean? Is it like, some kind of sex thing?
Evan: No, it's not a sex thing. It was an assignment.
Jared: Why are you talking to me about this?
Evan: I didn't know who else to talk to. You're my only… Family friend.
Jared too pathetic to engage :Oh my God.
Evan: I don't know what to do. He stole the letter from me three days ago, and then he just, hasn't been seen at school.
Evan and Connor have been texting and calling, but that was all.
Jared: That does not bode well for you.
Evan: What’s he going to do with it?
Jared: Who knows? Connor Murphy is batshit. Do you remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. G in second grade, because he didn't get to be line leader? If that was second grade, Imagine what he could do now.
Evan’s heart flutters as he thinks of when Connor kissed him in the computer lab.
His face turns red.
Lights out on Evan and Jared as Alana appears alone, scanning her phone for emails, texts, anything, all traces of her typical studied cheeriness gone entirely.
Waving through a window (reprise 2)
Alana:
On the outside always lookin’ in
Will I ever be more than I’ve always been?
‘Cause I’m tap-tap-tappin’ on the glass
Waving through a window
Four
Connor knocks on the door of Evan’s home, a trash bag of clothes in hand.
Heidi is nowhere to be seen.
Evan: What are you doing here?
Connor: You said I could stay here.
Evan: Oh, um, right. Come in.
Evan stands to the side, letting Connor inside.
Evan: My bedroom is upstairs. You can set up in there. I've gotta get to school.
The lights dim as Connor heads up the stairs.
The lights come back on.
The principal’s office. Evan stands, confused.
Cynthia Murphy and Larry Murphy sit.
Larry is stiff and sober, coiled fury just beneath the surface.
Cynthia is shattered, reeling.
They both look exhausted.
Evan looks terrified.
Evan: Good morning. Is Mr. Howard…?
They look at him, uncomprehending.
I just, sorry, they said on the loudspeaker for me to go to the principal’s office.
Larry suddenly realizes what he means.
Larry; Mr. Howard is, uh, he stepped out.
Evan: Oh.
Larry: We wanted to speak with you in private. If you’d like to maybe…
Larry gestures to a chair, and Evan slowly sits.
We’re, uh… we’re Connor’s parents.
Evan: Oh.
Cynthia pulls a folded piece of paper. She offers it lovingly, almost coddling it.
Larry: Why don't you go ahead, honey, and…?
Cynthia: I’m going as fast as I can.
Larry: That's not what I said, is it?
A terrible pause.
Cynthia holds the letter out to Evan, her voice unsteady.
Cynthia: This is… Connor… He wanted you to have this.
Evan takes it, suddenly feeling a surge of nausea.
Larry: We didn’t… we’d never heard your name before, Connor never… but then we saw… “Dear Evan Hansen.”
Evan: He, um, he gave this to you?
Evan’s face turns an extreme shade of pink as he remembers what he wrote about Connor.
Larry: We didn’t know that you two were friends.
Evan’s face turns a deeper shade of red.
Evan voice unsteady : Friends?
Larry: We didn’t think that Connor had any friends. And then we see this note and it’s, this seems to suggest that you and Connor were, or at least for Connor, he thought you were…
He points to te letter
I mean, it’s right there. “Dear Evan Hansen.” It’s addressed to you. He wrote it to you.
Evan realizing : You think this is, you think that Connor wrote this to me.
Cynthia: These are the words he wanted to share with you.
Larry: His last words.
Cynthia: This is what he wanted you to have.
Evan realizes Connor was serious about faking his death.
He remembers Connor showing up at his door before school.
Evan is terrified.
Cynthia and Larry share a look.
A long freighted silence.
Larry: Connor, uh, Connor took his own life.
Evan trying to sound convincing : He… what?
Larry: This is all we found with him. He had it folded up in his pocket.
You can see that he’s… he wanted to explain it, why he was…
Larry recites from memory
“I wish that everything was different. I wish that I were part of something. I wish that what I said mattered to anyone.”
Cynthia: Please stop it, Larry.
Evan feels the familiar rush of panic, his hands starting to sweat.
Evan: But, that’s, this isn't… I’m sorry. Connor, um, Connor didn't write this.
Cynthia: What does that mean?
Evan: Connor didn't, he didn't write this.
Cynthia to Larry : What does he mean?
Larry: He’s obviously in shock.
Evan: No, I just, he didn't…
Cynthia pointing to the letter : It’s right there.
Evan: I’m sorry, but I should probably just, can I please go?
Cynthia: If this isn’t, if Connor didn't write this, then…
Larry: Cynthia, please. Calm down.
Evan: I should go now.
Cynthia desperate to keep him here : But did he say anything to you? DId you see anything?
Evan: I really should go.
Larry: Cynthia, honey. This is not the time.
Cynthia: This is all we have. This is the only thing we have left.
Larry: Honey. Listen to me. Please .
Larry put a hand on hers.
She pulls away.
She begins to break down, inconsolable.
Cynthia.
Evan holds out the letter to them, urgently, as though he can't get it out of his hands quickly enough.
Evan: You should just, you should take it. Please.
Suddenly, Cynthia gasps.
Cynthis: Larry. Look.
She points to Evan’s arm.
His cast.
Evan looks down.
He lifts up his cast and realizes what Cynthia has seen: “Connor” in a Sharpie scrawl with hearts written around it.
Cynthia turns to Larry, her eyes welling with tears of astonishment.
His best and most dearest friend.
His boyfriend.
Five
Evan and Jared, online.
Jared: Holy fucking shit.
Evan: I didn’t say anything. I just, I couldn't say anything.
Jared: Shut your fucking ass , Evan.
Evan: They invited me over for dinner. They want to know more stuff about Connor and me, about our “relationship.”
Elsewhere, Alana appears in a pin spot of light, online, alone.
Alana stunned : Still can't believe the terrible news about @Connor Murphy.
Jared: What are you going to tell them?
Evan: I mean, the truth.
Alana: I wouldn’t say that we were friends, exactly. More like acquaintances.
Jared: The truth. Really. You’re going to go to the Murphys’ house and explain that the only thing they have left of their son is some weird sex letter that you wrote to yourself?
Alana: We were in chemistry together, I’m pretty sure.
Evan: It wasn't a sex letter!
Jared: You know, you could go to jail for this. If you get caught?
Evan: But I didn’t do anything.
Alana: He was also, he was in my English class in tenth grade. I’m almost positive.
Jared: Yeah, I hate to tell you this, Evan, but you may have already perjured yourself.
Evan: Isn't that only when you’re under oath? Like, in a courtroom?
Jared: Well, weren't you under oath? In a way?
Evan: No.
Alana: Yeah, he was definitely in my English class.
Jared: Look, do you want to listen to me or do you want to have another meltdown like last year in English when you were supposed to give that speech about Daisy Buchanan, but instead you just stood there staring at your note cards saying, “um, um, um,” over and over again like you were having a brain aneurysm?
Evan: What do you expect me to do? Make up some big story about our backstory? Have you forgotten the Real Connor is sleeping in my bed?
Jared: I didn't say, “lie.” All you have to do is just nod and confirm. Whatever they say about Connor, you just nod and agree. Nod your head and you say, yeah, that's true. Don’t contradict and don't make shit up. It’s foolproof. Literally, nothing I tell my parents is true and they have no idea.
Alana: Three days ago, Connor Murphy was here and now… he’s gone.
Evan: They were so sad. His parents? His mom was just… I’ve never seen anyone so sad before.
Jared: Well, then good thing you're about to tell her the truth about your sex letter. I’m sure that will cheer her right up.
Evan considers this, as Alana stares out, plaintively, yearning.
Alana: If Connor meant something to you, please retweet. Or private message me if you just want to talk. At times like these, we could all use a friend.
Six
Dinner at the Murphys.
Prominently, in the center of the table, a bowl of fresh apples.
Evan is afraid to move or make a sound.
Larry serves himself seconds.
Larry: Would anyone else like some more chicken?
Cynthia: I think you're the only one with an appetite, Larry.
Larry defensive : The Harrises brought it over.
Cynthia to Evan : Did Connor tell you about the Harrises?
Evan nods. He’s too scared to speak.
We used to go skiing together, our families.
Evan nods : Connor loved skiing.
Zoe: Connor hated skiing.
Evan: Well, yeah. He just loved talking about how much he hated skiing. But he loved the look of the snow, the way that the light shines and reflects and makes it sparkle.
Zoe just stares at him.
Cynthia: So you guys, you… you hung out a lot?
Evan: Right.
Zoe: Where?
Evan: Oh you mean, like, where did we…? Well, we mostly hung out at my house. I mean, sometimes we’d come here if nobody was around. We would email a lot, though, mostly. So we wouldn't have to, he didn’t want to always hang out in person, you know? He loved his personal space. But we loved hanging out together.
Zoe: We looked through his emails. There aren’t any from you.
Evan: Well, no, of course, yeah, I mean, thats because he had a different account. A secret one so you guys wouldn’t find out about us. I should have said that before. That was probably well confusing.
Cynthia: He knew you’d read his emails.
Larry: Somebody had to be the bad guy.
Tense pause.
Zoe to Evan : The weird thing is, the only time I ever saw you and my brother together was when he was talking to you at school last week.
Evan: Yeah, I um, I printed out something, a letter for my therapist, and he got it for me from the printer. But I guess he thought I was sort of, you know…
Zoe: A nerd?
Larry: Zoe.
Zoe: Isn't that what you meant?
Evan: Nerd works, I suppose.
Cynthia: That’s not very nice.
Cynthia takes a breath, struggles to maintain her poise.
Cynthia: Connor was… he was a complicated person.
Zoe: No, Connor was a bad person. There’s a difference.
Larry: Zoe, please.
Zoe to Larry : Don’t pretend like you don’t agree with me.
Cynthia’s distress grows more and more difficult for Evan to watch.
Cynthia: You refuse to remember the good things. You refuse to see anything positive.
Zoe: Because there were no good things. What were the good things?
Cynthia: I don’t want to have this conversation in front of our guest.
Zoe: What were the good things, Mom? Be a dear and enlighten us.
Cynthia: There were many good things.
Before even thinking, Evan finds words tumbling out.
Evan: I remember many good things about Connor.
All eyes turn to him at once, as he realizes what he’s done.
Zoe: Like what?
Evan: I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry, never mind.
Cynthia: No, Evan. You were saying something.
Evan: It doesn't matter, really.
Cynthia: We want to hear what you have to say. Please.
Evan: Well, I was just… Connor and I… we had a really great time together, recently. The other day.
Evan keeps talking, unsure if he’s connecting or not.
That’s something good that I remember about Connor.
That's what I keep thinking about, that one day.
He thinks back to conversations he had with Connor in his bedroom.
At the orchard.
Anyway. It’s, I knew it was stupid. I don't know why I even brought it up.
Cynthia: He took you to the orchard?
Evan looks at Cynthia, sees the hope in her eyes.
Even Zoe has turned silent.
Evan: Yes. He did.
Cynthia: When?
Evan: Once. It was only once. But. He had said the apples there were the best.
Larry: I thought that place closed. Years ago.
Evan: Exactly. Which is why we were so bummed when we got there, because it was completely, it's totally closed down now.
Cynthia: We used to go there all the time. We’d do picnics out there. Remember, Zoe?
Zoe: Yeah. I do.
Cynthia to Larry : You and Connor had that little toy plane you would fly. Until you flew it into the creek.
Larry can't help but smile : It was an emergency landing.
Cynthia to Evan : I can't believe he took you there. I bet it was fun. I bet you two, I bet you had fun.
Evan: We did. The whole day was just…
For forever
Evan:
End of may or early June
This picture-perfect afternoon we share
Cynthia to Larry : What was the name of that ice cream place out there we loved?
Larry: A La Mode.
Cynthia: That was it. A La Mode. And they had that homemade hot fudge…
Evan:
Drive the winding country road
Grab a scoop at “A La Mode” and then… we’re there.
Cynthia: We’d sit in that meadow with all the sycamores. To Zoe And you and your brother would look for four leaf clovers.
Evan:
An open field framed with trees
We pick a spot and shoot the breeze like buddies do
Quoting songs by our fav’rite bands
Telling jokes no one understands except us two
And we talk and take in the view
All we see is sky for forever
We let the world pass by for forever
Feels like we could go on for forever
This way
Two boyfriends on a perfect day
Larry: I’d completely forgotten about that place.
Cynthia: Well, I guess Connor didn’t. looks to Evan Did he?
Evan:
We walk a while and talk about
The things we’ll do when we get out of school
Bike the Appalachian Trail
Or write a book, or learn to sail
Wouldn't that be cool?
There's nothing that we can't discuss
Like the house we’ll get together when we marry
He looks around and says to me,
“There's nowhere else I’d rather be.” And I say, “Me too.”
And we talk and take in the view
We just talk and take in the view.
All we see is sky for forever
We let the world pass by for forever
Feels like we could go on for forever this way, this way
All we see is light for forever
'Cause the sun shines bright for forever
Like we'll be alright for forever this way
Two boyfriends on a perfect day
And there he goes
Racing toward the tallest tree
From far across the yellow field I hear him calling, "follow me"
There we go
Wondering how the world might look from up so high
One foot after the other
One branch then to another
I climb higher and higher
I climb 'til the entire sun shines on my face
And I suddenly feel the branch give way
I'm on the ground
My arm goes numb
I look around
And I see him come to get me
He's come to get me
And ev’rything’s okay
All we see is sky for forever
We let the world pass by for forever
Mate, you and I for forever this way, this way
All we see is light
'Cause the sun burns bright
We could be alright for forever this way
Two boyfriends
True boyfriends
On a perfect day
Cynthia slowly crosses to Evan.
She hugs him, hard.
Cynthia: Thank you, Evan. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Seven
Evan and Connor, in Evan’s bedroom.
Connor: My parents think we were lovers.
Evan: Oh my God.
Connor: What else did you tell them?
Evan: I told them I broke my arm at the orchard and you were there to take me to the ER. I got nervous and I started talking, and once I started…
Connor: You couldn't stop.
Evan realizing the truth of this as he says it : They didn't want me to stop.
Connor: So what else did you say?
Evan: Nothing really.
I mean, I told them we wrote emails.
Connor: Emails. Who the fuck writes each other emails right now? Why couldn't you say texts or literally anything else?
Evan: I told them that you had a secret email account…
Connor: Oh, right. A “secret” email account. Sure. For sending dick pics to each other.
Evan ignoring this : Yeah so I said, you had this secret account, and we would send emails to one another.
Connor: Could you be any worse at this?
Evan it suddenly occurs to him : They’re going to want to see our emails.
Connor sarcastic : You think?
Evan: What am I going to do?
Connor: I can do emails.
Evan: How?
Connor: It's easy. You make up an account, backdate the emails.
Evan: Oh. Okay.
Evan hears Heidi coming toward the bedroom.
Connor hides in the closet.
Heidi enters Evan’s bedroom, carrying a sheaf of papers, still in her work clothes.
Heidi: Hey you. I have some very exciting news. Look what I found online today: college scholarship essay contests. Have you heard of these?
Evan: I think so…
Heidi: NPR did a whole thing about it this morning. There are a million different ones you can do. A million different topics. I spent my whole lunch break looking these up.
She hands him the pages, summarizing each one as she does.
The John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Scholarship- three thousand dollars, college of your choice. Henry David Thoreau Society, five thousand dollars…
Evan: Wow.
Heidi: College is going to be so great for you, honey. How many times in life do you get a new start?
Evan: No, I know.
Heidi: You've got so much, so many wonderful things ahead of you. High school isn't always… the only people that like high school are cheerleaders and football players and those people all end up miserable anyway. Yeah, you're going to find yourself in college. I really think so. I mean, I wish I could go with you, but…
Sensing Evan’s lack of enthusiasm. Heidi begins to feel a bit embarrassed.
I just thought these were… it seemed like a neat idea.
Evan: It is. Really.
Heidi: You've always been a wonderful writer. And we’re going to need all the help we can get for college. Unless your stepmother has a trust fund for you I don't know about, with all those fab trips she made cocktail waitressing…
Evan pretends to laugh along as Heidi struggles to find a transition.
Hey. I, um, I got an email from your school today. About a boy who killed himself? Connor Murphy? I didn't, I had no idea.
Evan: Oh. Yeah. Well… I didn't really know him.
Heidi: You know that… if you ever, if you want to talk about anything…l I realize that lately it must feel like, I'm always working or in class…
Evan: It's fine.
Heidi: Well, I’m here. And if I'm not here here, I'm a phone call away. Or text. Or email. Whatever.
Evan: Thanks.
Heidi, unable to avoid the obvious any longer, points to Evan’s cast.
Heidi: It says “Connor”
Evan: Oh. Yeah. No.
Heidi: You said you didn't know him.
Evan: No. I didn't. This is… it's a different Connor.
Heidi sighs, relieved, as she smiles at her own anxiety.
Heidi: I was so worried.
Evan: No. I'm sure.
Heidi brightening : Hey, you know what? How about I bag my shift next Tuesday? When's the last time we did taco Tuesday?
Evan: Oh. You don't have to.
Heidi: No, you've been back at school for a week already and I've barely seen you. Maybe we could even start brainstorming those essay questions together…
Evan: That would be great.
Heidi: Oh. That's exciting. I'm excited now. Something to look forward to.
Evan: Me too.
Heidi picks up the bottle of pills by his bed, asks gingerly:
Heidi: Are you okay with refills?
Evan: Yes.
Heidi: Well. Don't stay up too late.
Evan: I won't.
Heidi: I love you.
Evan: I love you.
She stands there in the doorway for a moment, hesitating, unsettled somehow.
Finally, she shuts the door.
Eight
Connor, wearing the clothes we last saw him in, steps into the spotlight.
Sincerely, Me
Connor:
Dear Evan Hansen:
We’ve been way too out of touch
Things have been crazy
And it sucks that we don't talk that much
But I should tell you that I think of you each night
I rub my nipples and start moaning with delight
Lights snap on Connor, seated, typing on a laptop, as Evan stands, reading over his shoulder with dismay.
Evan: You do what?
Connor: I'm just trying to tell the truth.
Evan: Can you please be serious for a second? We don't need to write about how you jerk off in my bed. Just… I’ll do it.
Connor:
I've gotta tell ya, life without you has been hard
Laughing Hard?
Has been bad
Meh Bad?
Has been rough
Just right Kinky.
And I miss talking about life and other stuff
Very specific.
Evan: Shut up!
Connor:
I like my parents-
Who says that?
I love my parents
but each day's another fight
If I stop smoking drugs
Then ev’rything might be alright
“Smoking drugs?”
Evan: Just fix it.
Connor: This isn't realistic at all, this sounds nothing like me.
Evan: I’m trying, Connor!
Connor: Christ…
If I stop smoking crack -
Evan aghast : Crack?
Connor: I wish I did crack.
If I stop smoking pot
Then ev’rything might be alright
I’ll take your advice
I'll try to be more… nice
I'll turn it around
Wait and see
‘Cause all it takes is a little reinvention
It’s easy to change ig you give it your attention
All you gotta do
Is just believe you can be who you wanna be
Sincerely, me
Are we done yet?
Evan: I can't show them just one email.
Connor: Okay. Please stop hyperventilating.
Evan: I’m not hyperventilating.
Connor: You're having considerable trouble breathing.
Evan: I’m having no trouble breathing.
Connor: Do you need a paper bag to breathe in?
Evan: I am NOT HYPERVENTILATING.
Dear Connor Murphy:
Yes, I also miss our talks
Stop doing drugs
Just try to take deep breaths and go on walks
Connor: Aww!
Evan:
I’m sending pictures of the most amazing trees
Connor: Aww!!
Evan:
You’ll be obsessed with all my forest expertise
Connor: You’re literally so fucking cute.
Evan:
Babe, I’m proud of you
Just keep pushing through
You’re turnin’ around
I can see
Connor:
Just wait and see
Evan/Connor:
‘Cause all it takes is a little reinvention
It’s easy to change if you give it your attention
All you gotta do
Is just believe you can be who you wanna be
Sincerely…
Evan:
Me.
Connor:
You're really cute.
Evan: You’re being distracting.
Connor: My bad.
Dear Evan Hansen:
Thanks for ev’ry note you send
Evan:
Dear Connor Murphy:
I’m just glad to be your boyfriend
You’re getting better ev’ry day
Connor:
I’m getting better ev’ry day
Evan:
Keep
Connor:
Getting
Evan:
Better
Connor:
Ev-
Evan:
-’ry
Evan/Connor:
Day
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
‘Cause all it takes is a little reinvention
It’s easy to change ig you give it
Evan:
Your
Connor:
Your
Evan:
A-
Connor:
A-
Evan/Connor:
-ttention
All you gotta do
Is just believe you can be who you wanna be
Sincerely,
Miss you dearly
Sincerely, me
Evan:
Sincerely, me
Evan/Connor:
Sincerely, me
Sincerely, me
Nine
Larry and Cynthia sit in the living room, reading from a stack of printed pages.
Evan stands, anxiously awaiting some kind of response.
Evan: These were just some of the emails I found.
Silence
I mean, I can print out more. I have a lot more. Connor and I emailed all the time.
Cynthia: It’s… difficult. To read these. It doesn't sound like Connor.
Evan realizes that he’s made a terrible mistake.
Evan: I'm sorry. I um… Maybe, I shouldn't have…
Cynthia: No, no. I just… gosh, I don't remember the last time I heard him laugh. But you two, you would…?
Evan: No, yeah, we would, we laughed all the time.
Cynthia: There are more of these? More emails?
Evan: More…? Yeah. There’s a lot more.
Cynthia: We would love to see them. We would love to see everything.
She looks to Larry, who has said nothing.
Wouldn't we?
Larry: Right.
Zoe enters, freezing when she sees Evan.
Zoe: Why’re you here?
Cynthia: Oh, Zoe. Wait until you see what Evan brought us- emails from your brother.
Larry: How was your first day back?
Zoe dry : Terrific. All of a sudden, everyone wanted to be my friend. As if I had a fresh pack of gum. I’m the dead kid’s sister, don't you know?
Evan’s heart sinks a little as he remembers making out with Connor in his bed the night before.
He feels guilty for helping Connor convince all these people, but he has a great pair of lips so Evan doesn't care.
Cynthia: I’m sure they mean well.
Evan taking the hint : I should probably go.
Evan wants to go home and see Connor, more like.
Cynthia: You're not staying for dinner?
Evan: Oh. Well. Just. I hadn't planned on it…
Cynthia: Then we’ll do another night. I can cook something for you…
Evan: You don't have to.
Cynthia: It would be my pleasure. We would love to have you.
Cynthia looks to Zoe and Larry for affirmation.
Both say nothing.
Larry, picking up the tension, mootions to Evan.
Larry: Why don't I show you out?
Evan: Oh. Thanks.
Evan and Larry exit, and Larry waves at Evan as he walks out of the house.
He takes the bus home.
Once back in his bedroom, he sees Connor laying on his bed.
In boxers.
Evan’s face immediately turns red.
Evan: Hey.
Connor: Hey, lover. I missed you.
Connor holds his arms out, expecting Evan to walk over and lay with him.
Evan does just that.
How was dinner?
Evan: I didn't have dinner. I’ll eat later.
Connor: You need to eat.
Evan: Not yet.
Connor rolls his eyes.
You’re too comfortable to leave. If you wanted me to eat, you shouldn't have asked me to lay down.
Connor: Right. That was my bad. I forgot how lazy you are.
Evan: I’m not lazy.
Connor: Oh. No. Of course not.
Evan: Stop that. I’m not hungry.
Connor: I know you are. I’ve got half a sandwich from earlier if you want it.
Evan: You went downstairs and made yourself a sandwich?
Connor: Your mom wasn't home, and I was hungry. So yeah. I went downstairs.
Evan: I was more just asking about the sandwich more than the you going downstairs part.
Connor: Oh.
Connor leans over to the nightstand and grabs his half sandwich off the plate.
He hands it to Evan.
Evan: Did you actually make yourself my favorite sandwich?
Connor: Black forest ham, rye bread, sriracha, the works. I knew you liked it so I wanted to try it.
Evan: You're the best.
Evan gently kisses Connor’s jaw, then takes the sandwich.
He moans in delight when he takes his first bite.
I love you.
Connor: You what?
Evan petrified : What? I just, I meant um, I just thought… Well you know. I just, I um, I mean…
Connor: It’s okay, love. I love you too.
Evan relieved : Good. But, I’ve got to tell you about something that kinda bugs me.
Connor Surprised : What is it?
Evan: I don't like when people say “I love you too.” It feels like they're just agreeing with me. Like they only recognize that I love them, not that they love me back. I’m sorry, it's weird. I shouldn't have brought it up. It's stupid.
Connor: No, I get it. I love you.
Evan: I love you.
Ten 82-83
Evan and Alana, online.
Alana; Evan. Hey, it’s Alana. How are you? How is everything?
Evan: Um. Fine. Thanks…
Alana: Oh my god. Jared has been telling everyone about you and Connor, how close you were, how you were best friends…
Evan speechless : Oh.
Alana: Everyone’s been talking about how brave you’ve been this week.
Evan: They are?
Alana: I mean, anybody else in your position would be falling apart. Dana P. was crying so hard at lunch yesterday, she pulled a muscle in her face. She had to go to the hospital.
Evan: Isn’t Dana P. new this year? She didn't even know Connor.
Alana: That’s why she was crying. Now she’ll never get the chance, and now One Direction will never get back together. Connor is really bringing the school together. It's pretty incredible. People I’ve never talked to before, they want to talk to me now, because they know how much Connor meant to me. It’s very inspiring. I actually started a blog about him, like a sort of memorial page…
Evan nervous : Were you friends with Connor too?
Alana: Acquaintances. But close ones.
Evan nods, relieved.
Can I tell you something? I think part of me always knew you guys were involved. You did a good job hiding it. But… I don't know.
Heidi enters
I could just tell.
Heidi: Who are you talking to on the computer?
Evan quickly shuts the laptop and Alana disappears.
Evan: Oh. Um. Jared. Just Jared.
Heidi pleased : It seems like you and Jared are spending more time together. I've always said he's a great friend for you…
Evan: Yeah, he's awesome.
Heidi: I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there.
Evan: Thanks.
Heidi turning to go : Well, I’m leaving, but I left money on the table. Order anything you want, okayA?
Evan: I thought we were doing tacos tonight. Looking at the essay questions.
Heidi suddenly remembering : It’s Tuesday. Oh my God. Oh hoey. I completely forgot. Shit…
Evan: That's okay.
She tries quickly to put a good face on things, spinning this as a positive development.
Heidi: You know what? You should go ahead and take a look at the questions without me. And then if you have any ideas, you can email me, and I can write back with ideas I have… That’s better anyway, isn't it? That way you can really take your time?
Evan hiding his happiness : No. Yeah. Sure.
Heidi: We can do tacos another night, Evan. We could do tomorrow night. How about tomorrow night?
Evan: I can't, I have a previous engagement I have to adhere to.
Heidi glancing at the time : Shit. I’m late.
Evan: You should go.
Heidi: No, lets figure this out.
Evan: It’s fine.
Heidi: Evan…
Evan: I’ll make dinner for myself.
Heidi exits, leaving Evan alone in his bedroom, as lights snap on Connor, in the kitchen.
Connor: So your mom can't have tacos with you? I’ll have tacos with you. Let’s order some.
Eleven
Evan walks into the kitchen, and he's sitting at the counter with Connor, eating tacos.
Evan: You know, I think this is better than going through essay questions with my mom.
Connor sarcastically : Really? I would’ve thought that would be an absolute fucking party, youd be so tired you’d miss your alarm in the morning from how much fun you had.
Evan: Shove off it, Connor.
Connor: I won't be shoving anybody. Except maybe your mom, for abandoning you.
Evan: Its, it’s not even that bad. She’s a nurse, she works late hours, she’;s got school, its just better if I eat here alone with you anyway. It's, it’s not that big a deal. Plus, at the end of a meal, I don't want to kiss my mom.
Connor: Well, I hope not. Those lips are mine, got it? You only kiss me. That fucking mouth is mine.
Evan blushes and takes a sip of his tea to hide his red face with the mug.
Are you actually drinking that or are you just hiding your face?
Evan: Can’t it be both?
Connor: Not with you, it can't.
Evan: What’s that supposed to mean?
Connor: You hide your face when you’re being damn cute. But also the hiding your face is so fucking cute. You know what? You’re just, cute. Youre absolutely fucking adorable. Like a goddamn bunny.
Evan: I’m not a bunny. Bunnies have no sex appeal.
Connor: Since when did you care about sex appeal?
Evan: Since I started dating you, I think.
Connor: Okay, so if a bunny doesn't have sex appeal, then what do you want?
Evan: Okay, cute is for bunnies. I want something with sex appeal. Like a labradoodle.
Connor: A fucking labradoodle? Do you even know what sex appeal is?
Evan: Well, you know…
Connor aghast : Are you a virgin?
Evan sheepishly : Perchance…
Connor: You can't just say perchance.
Evan: How’d you know that?
Connor: Meme. Stomp those turts.
Evan: What does that even mean?
Connor: If you don't know, there's no use explaining it to you.
Evan eats the last bite of his taco.
Connor takes his plate and starts washing it in the sink.
Evan comes up behind Connor and hugs him from behind.
I feel so domestic like this.
Evan: Yeah?
Connor: You make me want to be better. Like we said in those fake emails. I wanna be better for you. Give you what you deserve. You dont deserve some druggie that goes out there fucking every guy who looks at him, or fights every guy that looks at him. I wanna be better, so we can have a life together. Just like this, in our own home.
Evan’s eyes well with tears.
Connor turns around from the sink and wraps his arms around Evan properly.
Evan: When I look in your eyes and you're looking back in mine, everything feels not quite normal. Because I feel stronger and weaker at the same time. I feel excited, and at the same time, terrified. The truth is, I don't know what I feel, except I know what kind of man I want to be.
Connor’s eyes start welling with tears as well.
Connor: Evan… that's, I don't even know what to say. That’s beautiful.
Evan: Of course it is, it's from the first Spider-Man movie.
Connor barks a choked up laugh, nuzzling his head into the crook of Evan’s shoulder.
But that doesn't make it any less true. You also make me want to be better. You physically make me feel better. I’m happy I agreed to this.
Twelve
Evan and Jared, online.
Jared wears a button with Connor’s face on it.
Evan: Oh my God. Is that a button with Connor’s face on it?
Jared: I’m selling them for a nominal fee at lunch tomorrow.
Evan: You're making money off of this?
Jared: I’m not the only one. Haven't you seen the wristbands with Connor’s initials on them that Sabrina Patel started selling during free period? Or the t-shirts Matt Holtzer’s mom made?
Evan: No.
Jared: Besides, this whole Connor thing? In another few days, it’ll be played out anyway.
Evan: But you just said about the t-shirts and wristbands…
Jared: Exactly. We are at the peak. Which is why I've gotta move these buttons before the bottom drops out of the Connor Murphy memorabilia market. Because pretty soon, there will be some Third World tsunami to raise money for, and Connor will just be that dead kid whose name nobody remembers.
Evan: That’s… terrible.
Jared: Hey. At least it was fun while it lasted. You got to have some high quality time with your fake family. Regardless, it's over. A week from now? Everybody will have already forgotten about Connor. You’ll see.
Lights on Jared snap out, as they snap on Alana.
Alana: Everybody has forgotten about Connor. A week ago, the whole school was wearing those wristbands and the buttons with his face on them. People were talking to each other that never talked before. Now… it’s all gone. Completely. You were his boyfriend, and best friend. You can't let this happen.
Evan: Well, I know, but…
Alana Lightbulb : Maybe you can ask Zoe to do something. Or maybe you guys could do something together.
Evan: Zoe?
Alana: Yeah, she's the perfect person to help get people interested again. You guys could write something together for the blog…
Evan: Yeah, it's just…l don't know if that's the best way for us to get people to remember him…
Alana: Well, I can guarantee you that if you don't do something, then no one will remember him. Is that what you want?
Evan struggling to respond : But I’m just…
Alana, exasperated by his indecisiveness, leaves in a huff.
Lights go out, and suddenly snap back onto Evan and Connor sitting on his bed.
What am I supposed to do?
Connor: Why dont you want to talk to Zoe?
Evan: She… doesnt make me feel good about myself. In the head. Everything’s ruined with her now, because the light I once saw her in is completely out, and, I just, she’s not nice.
Connor: Nobody believed me about that, you know.
Evan: Yeah? She seems to see it in a completely different way. You threatening her, trying to break down her door for no reason.
Connor: Okay, listen. I dont like her, not one bit. I’ll admit that. And I admit I did those things. But that was before you and I… that was before you helped me regulate my anger with those coping mechanisms. I can do better than that. You know I’d nver hurt you, right?
Evan: Yeah, I know. I believe you.
Connor: Are you just saying that?
Evan: No, Connor. I love you. I’m not scared of you.
Connor wraps his arm around Evan’s waist.
Now tell me what was up with Zoe.
Connor laughing : Caught me changing the subject, did you?
Evan laughs. He nudges Connor’s side.
Okay. Well I suppose she was always one of the ones that really put it into my brain I’d never amount to anything. I’d never do anything big, anything good, I’d always be this screw up that knew nothing about anything. I’d always be this over dramatic hot head that is nothing more than his outbursts.
Evan eyes softening : You’re so much more than that.
Connor: Well, I realize that now, obviously. You helped me see it.
Disappear
Evan, now at school, speaks to Alana and Jared, sharing a homemade pamphlet.
Evan: I’m calling this the Connor Project.
Jared skeptical : The Connor Project.
Evan: A student group dedicated to keeping Connor’s memory alive, to showing taht everybody should matter, everybody is important.
Alana: I’m so honored. I would love to be vice president of The Connor Project.
Evan: Vice president?
Alana: You’re right. We should be co-presidents.
Evan just pleased she said yes : Yeah. No. Definitely. That works for me.
Alana to Jared: You can be treasurer or secretary. Unfortunately, the co-president position has already been filled.
JAred: Well, shit. I guess I’m going to have to order new buttons. Unless you think I can squeeze the words “Connor Project” on new buttons… I mean, depending on the font size…
Evan to Jared : Do you actually think we should do this?
Alana answers before Jared can even speak .
Alana: Are you kidding, Evan? We have to do this. Not just for Connor. FOr… everyone.
Evan, emboldened by the success, allows a small smile.
Evan:
’Cause no one deserves to be forgotten
Alana/Jared:
No one deserves to fade away
Evan:
No one deserves to fade away
Jared hands each of them a button, unable to resist getting caught up in the excitement.
Lights shift and Evan, Alana, and Jared are with the Murphys at their kitchen table, Cynthia and Larry eagerly pursuing the pamphlet.
We’re calling it The Connor Project.
Cynthia trying it out : The Connor Project.
Evan: Imagine a major online presence.
Alana: With links to educational materials.
Jared: A massive fundraising drive…
Evan: …to help people like Connor.
Alana: And for the kickoff event, an all-school memorial assembly next week. Students, teachers, whoever wants to, they can get up and talk about Connor, talk about his legacy.
Cynthia and Larry share a look.
Cynthia: I don't know what to say.
Larry: I didn’t realize Connor meant this much to people.
Alana: Oh my God. He was one of my dearest acquaintances. He was my lab partner in chemistry, and we presented together on Huck Finn in tenth grade. He was so funny.
Evan turns to Zoe.
Evan: For the assembly, I was thinking the jazz band could do something…
Zoe: Oh. Yeah. Maybe.
Jared: Great idea, Evan.
Evan glares as him.
Evan: Thank you, Jared.
Jared: No sweat.
Cynthia: Oh, Evan… this is just, this is wonderful.
Cynthia takes Evan’s hand, unable to express her gratitude adequately with words.
No one deserves to be forgotten
Evan:
No one deserves to fade away
Cynthia/Jared/Alana:
No one deserves to disappear
Evan:
No one deserves to disappear.
Jared and Alana exit as lights shift to find Evan standing in COnnor’s bedroom.
Cynthia holds out a nondescript necktie.
Cynthia: For tomorrow. For the assembly.
Evan unsure of what she means : Oh.
Cynthia: When COnnor started seventh grade, all my friends said, here comes Bar Mitzvah season. He’s going to have a different party every Saturday. I took him to get a suit, some shirts… this tie.
He didn't get invited to a single one.
She extends the tie to Evan
I thought you could wear it for your speech.
Evan goes cold, the familiar tingling sensation returning to his palms.
Evan: My what?
Cynthia: Well, Alana said that anyone who wanted to would have a chance to say something tomorrow. I think we all assumed that you would be the first to sign up.
Evan: I don't, um… the thing is, I don't really do well with, um, with public speaking. I'm not very good at it. You wouldn't want me to. Trust me.
Cynthia: Of course I would want you to. I'm sure the whole school wants to hear from you. I know Larry and I do.
Eva says nothing.
She puts the tie back in his hands.
Think about it.
She exits.
Evan stands there for a moment, staring at the tie, paralyzed.
Finally, he stands.
He slowly puts on the tie.
Evan takes a deep, deep breath.
He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a handful of notecards.
He turns and the lights shift.
The school auditorium.
Evan stands there, utterly alone on an empty, endless stage, staring out into the darkness, the note cards shaking in his trembling hands.
He begins slowly, tentative, terrified.
Evan: Good morning, students and faculty. I would, um, I would just like to say a few to you about… my best friend and boyfriend… Connor Murphy.
I’d like to tell you about the day we went to the old Autumn Smile Apple Orchard. Connor and I, we stood under an oak tree, and Connor said, he wondered what the world would look like from up there. So we decided to find out. We started climbing slowly, one branch at a time. When I finally looked back, we were already thirty feet off the ground. Connor just, lookd at me and smiled, that way he always did. It was kinda toothy and lopsided, but utterly perfect. And then… well, then I..
His palms begin to sweat.
He nervously wipes them on his shirt.
It doesn't help.
…I fell.
His anxiety builds, as he continues to wipe his hands.
I lay there on the ground, and then-
He turns to the next card.
Good morning, students and faculty, I would um…
A shiver of panic goes down his spine as he realizes that he has lost his place in the note cards.
He tries frantically to put them back in order.
Um… um… um…
Suddenly, a card drops from his hands, fluttering to the ground.
He crouches to pick it up.
There on the ground, Evan suddenly stops. He stares out past the lights at the faces in the auditorium.
A moment of pure, unadulterated terror grips him.
Everythig is telling him to run away.
A long beat.
He looks at the tie.
He makes a decision.
Slowly, he stans, putting away the cards entirely.
He begins once again, differently.
You will be found
Evan:
Have you ever felt like nobody was there?
Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?
Have you ever felt like you could disappear?
Like you could fall, and no one would hear
The story he has told so many times before becomes, now, suddenly, a genuine discovery.
But see, when I looked up… Connor was there. That’;s the gift that he gave me. To show me that I wasn't alone. To show me that I matter. That everybody does. That's the gift he gave to all of us. I just wish… I wish we could have given that to him.
The music cuts out, sharply.
Evan sits beside Zoe on Connor’s bed.
Zoe: Everything you said in your speech. Everything you’ve done. You don't know how much… what you've given… all of us, everyone. My family. Me.
Evan uncomfortable : No, I… this is…
Zoe: You’ve given me my brother back.