Archive of Our Own

It had been a slow morning at the Mystery Shack, and Dipper was making the most of the lack of work. 

“The best defense is a good offense,” Dipper said, pacing back and forth across the gift shop’s floor.  “But a good defense will do in a pinch.  And if Gideon has any more tricks like that amulet, we need a really good defense.  Thankfully, I’ve got a lead on one in the journal: Monobold rock!”  He opened the book up, and pointed to a spot on a map, where a rock in the rough shape of a lizard standing on its hind legs had been circled.

Sitting beside Wendy at the register, Mabel listened to her brother with a smile, kicking her legs in anticipation of another adventure… once their Grunkle said they were done working for the day.

“It was supposedly carved into that shape by a gang of lizard-like creatures called monobolds.  The journal said they had a big stash of treasures and strange items hidden away in the nearby caves.  The author had traded with them, getting rare elements for a big project of his in exchange for a couple items from him.  The first was one of his inventions, the ‘Perfect Disguise,’ a device that could convince people that you are exactly who you say you are, using the most powerful force in the universe!”

“Love?”  Asked Soos.

“A black hole?”  Wendy suggested.

“Mabel!”  Mabel exclaimed.

“Nope.”  Dipper said.  “The desire not to be proved wrong.”

Mabel frowned.  “My answer was better.”

“I’m pretty sure a black hole is stronger than that,” Wendy said.

Dipper coughed.  “It’s supposed to work by sending the parts of the human brain responsible for rationalization into overdrive, while making what you consider ‘normal’ more flexible, turning your mind’s own strength against itself.  The better a person is at rationalizing, the more they’ll fall for the disguise.  The author claimed it had worked both a lot better, and a lot worse, than he’d expected, making it hard to use in the field, but the journal didn’t say how.”

“I don’t know if there’s any disguise out there that could keep Gideon away from you,” Wendy said.  “The little creep gets in the whole town’s business.”

“Oh, that’s not the thing that’ll help us deal with Gideon,” Dipper said.  “That’d be the second thing the author traded away; a spell sponge.  He said it could absorb any harmful spell into one of its pores, completely reversing the effects.  Act fast enough, and it can even un-burn things ignited by magical fire!  Granted, it only works on magic, and not other kinds of weirdness, but-”

Before he could say more, the door to the gift shop opened.  Mabel’s eyes lit up when she saw a black-haired boy around her age in the small crowd of customers. He wore a coonskin cap, with raccoon ears and a tail poking out from its sides.  He didn’t seem that interested in the rest of the shop, focused only on the book he carried in.

“Dipper!”  She whispered, pointing to a book in the boy’s hands.  “Look!  Look at his book!  Full Moon, Full Heart!  The werewolf and vampire romance novel!  We’re kindred spirits!”

Mabel practically leapt over the counter and rushed toward the boy, barely even hearing Dipper sigh.

“Hi!  I’m Mabel!”  She called out, startling the boy.

“Uh…  Hi?”  He looked her over.  “…Nice sweater?”

Mabel was beaming!  This was the best start she’d had in a while.

“Thanks, I made it myself!  Is that Full Moon, Full Heart?  I love that book!  Who’s your favorite character?”

“Oh, it’d have be Erica!  She’s so cool!  Tough as nails, super strong, and never takes any guff from anyone.  If she wants something, she’s gonna get it!  Best werewolf in the story, bar none.  She’s my kinda gal.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty neat,” Mabel nodded, ready to ask about her favorite character.  “How did you like Betty?  She’s so goofy and fun and-”

“And annoying,” the boy said.  “Easily the worst of the wolf pack.  Any time she talks, I just can’t wait for the scene to be over.”

“Oh…”  Mabel tried to keep her smile up. 

She silently reminded herself of her old motto in matters of love: If it seems like you aren’t the right fit, force it!

“Uh, ha ha, yeah!  She sure is annoying.”  She limply swung an arm for emphasis.  “It’s like, wow, I don’t want to be around someone like that…”

“Yeah, you get me,” the boy said with a smile.  “I’m Jasper, by the way, and-”

“Jasper,” a large Asian man called, “the tour’s about to start!  Come this way!”

“Okay Dad,” Jasper replied, turning to Mabel as he went.  “See you around.”

Mabel went back to the counter.

“Why was he reading a girl’s romance novel anyway?”  Dipper asked.

“Romance novels aren’t just for girls,” Mabel said, “they can be fun for guys, too.  And sometimes you can get a better idea of what a girl might like, reading stuff they like.”

Dipper paused, and Mabel noticed his eyes drifting toward the copy of Lumberjills Monthly Wendy had been reading earlier.

“Hey Wendy,” Mabel said.  “You’re cool, guys like you… could you teach me your secrets?”

Dipper frowned.  “Mabel, I thought you were gonna go exploring with me?”

“Don’t worry about it Dipper.”  Wendy waved dismissively.  “I’d love to let both of you hang out with the gang again some time, but Dad’s got a big job this evening and he wants me and my brothers to help out after I’m done with my shift here.  Maybe another day?”

“Sure,” Mabel nodded.  “I’ll go with you, Bro-bro.”

Wendy paused, then leaned over toward Mable.  “Look, I can teach you how to throw an ax, and how to keep cool under pressure, but a little advice?  If you’re trying to change your act just to impress a guy, you’re just gonna end up miserable.  Trust me.”

Mabel shook her head.  “Don’t worry about a thing!  I’m not trying to impress anyone,” she lied.  “I just think you’re really cool, like Dipper does.  Well, maybe not exactly like he does, that’s more of a-”

“MABEL!”  Dipper shouted, covering her mouth.  “Oh, heh, look at the time, the shift’s almost over!  I don’t think Stan’ll mind if we leave twenty minutes early.  See you later!”

*

The two arrived at the mouth of a wide cave, in front of which stood the carving the place had been named for.

Look at this guy's little face!”  Mabel cheered, getting a closer look at the statue.  “He's so cute.  It's like a big goofy gecko!”

“It’s not much bigger than us,” Dipper noted, standing beside the statue.  “If the actual monobolds are that size, they’re probably not gonna be as threatening as some of the other stuff we’ve dealt with this summer, if things go south.”

“Why're they called that, anyway?”  Mabel asked, as the two walked into the cave.

“Apparently, they only ever speak in monosyllables.”  Dipper said, shining his flashlight over the stone walls and stalagmites.  “The author was never able to figure out if it was something to do with their vocal cords, a curse, or was just some cultural thing.”

“Mono-silly-wha?”  Mabel’s brow furrowed for a moment.  “Oh, they can't say any long words!” She frowned.  “That's awful!  Imagine never being able to sing Don’t Start Not Believing or Extracalifragilisticsuperalidocious!”

“Heh, yeah.  I bet all their conversations just go something like 'that my food!  You no take!' or 'Me like rock songs,' before banging a few rocks together.”  He chuckled.  “I don’t think negotiating a good trade with them will be difficult, if you get my drift.”

“What rot!”  Shouted a third voice, with a British accent.  “I've not heard such rude speech in near two score years!”

The twins turned to the source of the voice.  Looking behind them, an orange lizard stepped out from behind a stalagmite on a branch with his hind legs and tail.  It was dressed in a little black waistcoat, and its wide eyes were a bright green, one of them magnified by a sizable monocle.

“Quite bold of you to step foot in our home with not so much as a knock!  And then speak of us as fools while you hope to trade.  Why should we hear such a deal?”

Dipper flinched.  “Er, sorry?”

“Yeah, Dipper can be really smart, but he says dumb stuff sometimes,” Mabel added.  “I think you guys are really cute, and if you ever need someone to sing songs with long words for you, I don’t mind.”

The monobold chuckled.  “I like this one.  And from your words at the mouth of our cave, when you did not know we could hear you, I think you speak the truth.  For your sake, we will hear this trade.  It has been too long since we have had a guest.”

A dozen more monobolds, their scales a variety of colors, emerged from behind stalagmites or hidden side passages.

“I’ll get the tea,” said a blue one one.

“What is it you seek?”  The orange monobold asked.

“We were looking for something called a Spell Sponge,” Dipper said.  “We heard you might have one in your collection?”

“Ah, that…”  The orange one paused.  “Yes, I think we still have it in one room or another…  What would you trade for it?”

Dipper reached into his backpack, and pulled out a small round creature with stony skin and purple crystals jutting out all over its body.  “How about a shiny geodite?”

“Just look at how cute this little guy is!”  Mabel said, gently petting the creature, prompting it to make various baby sounds.  “Wouldn’t he make a good pet?”

The orange monobold shook his head.  “No thank you.  We won’t take gems that run off.”

“Okay.” Dipper put it back in his bag, and began to shuffle through it.  “Maybe the Gremoblin fang would do better…”

As he rummaged, he lifted the journal out of the bag, and monobolds all let out a hiss, and the blue one dropped the tea set he had just come back with, letting it shatter on the ground.

“That book!”  The orange monobold screeched.

“Do they know that man?” whispered another.

“Wait,” Dipper said, “Do you know the author of the journal?”

“Do we know him!”  The orange one growled.  “DO WE KNOW HIM?  Yes!  We know him all too well!”

“A cur!”  Shouted another.

“A cad!”

“A cheat!”

“A con!”

“In trade for parts for a great gate,” said the leader, “he gave us two things he said had great worth!  But one was just junk!  It did not work at all!”  The orange monobold shook his head, then stared at Dipper.  “You thought us fools ‘ere you came her…  You knew we had the sponge…  You must know that man!”

Dipper shook his head.  “W-wait!  We don’t even-”

“You mean to cheat us as well!  There will be no trade!  Not with friends of cheats!  Seize these thieves!”

Half of the monobolds darted between the twins and the exit, forcing Dipper and Mabel to run deeper into the cavern, just barely slipping between a pair of their attackers.  They jumped over rocks and weaved around stalagmites, barely able to keep their flashlights steady as they ran through the twisted passages.

They rounded a corner, then slipped into a side passage, and kept running, desperately hoping to throw their pursuers off the scent, only to suddenly stumble and tumble into a hole in the floor.

After a short fall, they crashed to the ground, (though thankfully, it felt slightly softer than Mabel expected.)  Groaning, they shakily pushed up against the carpeted surface and got to their feet.

As they raised their flashlights, dozens of coins and gems glinted back at them, as well as a host of trinkets that put the “odd” in “odds and ends,” like a crystal shaped like a bald man’s head that was constantly mumbling, and a taxidermized platypus with plaid fur. At the far end of the room sat a pedestal with a small crystal, the light from their flashlights shining through it to

“This must be where they keep their hoard,” Dipper said. He directed his flashlight to the far end of the room, where a small green crystal orb sat on top of a pedestal, the light passing through it leaving a green “shadow” that resembled a reptilian eye.  “And that’s the Drake’s Eye!”  He cheered.  “They told the Author that they used it in a ritual to choose a new leader!  We’ve found their most valuable treasure!”

His smile inverted and his eyes widened.  “Oh shoot, this is where they keep their most valuable treasure!  What if they check here first?”  

He quickly shone his flashlight around the room, before looking back up at the hole they fell through, (and the ladder on the wall under it). 

“There's only one way out!”  He whispered.  “If they check here...”

Hearing skittering above, the twins turned off their flashlights and held their breath.  Shadows appeared at the edges of the hole, before rushing past.

They sighed in relief.

“We’ve got some time,” Dipper said, “let’s see if we can find that Spell Sponge in here.  And that it wasn’t ‘just junk,’ like they said.”

Mabel nodded, and began digging through the piles of treasure for any sign of the sponge.  Sifting through gems, she found what looked like an old, pin-on name tag.  A piece of paper had been placed into the metal frame, whose top border had been etched with the words “Hello, my name is…” 

“Huh…  What’s a name tag doing here?”

“A name tag?”  Dipper turned his flashlight toward her.  “That looks like the Perfect Disguise!”

“How’s a name tag gonna disguise anything?”

“No, I mean the one the Author made; the one that works by sending the rationalizing parts of your brain into overdrive.”

“Oooh…”

Before they could say any more, they heard the distant voices of the monobolds echoing from above.

“Did you fools not once think to check the hoard?  You half-wits!”

“I’ve got an idea!  You hide, I’ll take care of this!  Trust me!”  Mabel said, quickly taking out a pencil and scribbling “Mabel Pines, Queen of the Monobolds,” onto the Disguise.  She set her flashlight pointing upward at the base of the Drake’s Eye pedestal, filling the back of the room with green-tinted light.

She pinned the tag to her shooting star sweater, and stepped into the light, letting it shine up at her. 

She almost immediately regretted it, something about the green light made her feel like she was burning up, and the ceiling in the back of the room was apparently a lot lower than it looked, because she found her head bumping into it.  But it was too late to change her plans, as a trio of monobolds were already leaping down the hole.

“There’s no way out you-” the orange monobold halted.  “Is that a drake?  Have we at last found a new queen?”

The disguise was working!  Mabel grinned, and the monobolds flinched back.  Hopefully, this would go better than with the gnomes.

“That's right!  You guys are in the presence of royalty!  We're gonna have tea parties and ballroom dances, and it'll be super fun!”

“Of course, my liege,” the lead monobold bowed.

“Why does the new drake queen wear the so-called ‘Guise With No Flaw,’ though?” asked another.  “It does not work.  Not once has it done so.”

Mabel did her best to hold back her giggle.  “I thought it was just a pretty name tag.  Can I keep it?”

“Of course!”  Said the orange one.  “All our fine goods here are for our king or queen.”

“All of this is for me?” So much treasure!  Mabel grabbed at the Drake’s Eye gem, removing the green tint of the lighting around her, as she imagined how she could put it and the other gems in the piles around it into new art projects.

“Yes,” the orange one said, “though we have some thieves to catch...”

There was a slight clinking sound, and the monobolds turned their attention to Dipper, hiding behind a pile a treasure. 

“Oh crap…”  Dipper backed away from them, toward Mabel

“Ah, there’s the boy!  But where is the girl?”  The little lizard people looked back at Mabel.  “Did you eat the her ere we met?”

“Uh...  Yeah!”  Mabel nodded vigorously.  “Ate her right up!   She tasted like glitter and fifty packets of sugar, it was the sweetest!”

“I see…” the orange one nodded.  “Well… Do you want to eat the boy too?”

“Eat him?”  She stammered.  “Are you crazy?  He's all sweaty, and I bet he hasn't showered in a week!”

Mabel faintly heard Dipper mutter, “gee, thanks,” under his breath.

“Not to your taste, then?   'tis fair.”  The lead monobold shrugged.  “We shall deal with the thief in your stead, my queen!”

The three ran to grab Dipper, and a burning fury welled up in Mabel.  Dipper was HER brother!  Nobody would take her brother away from her!  Nobody!

She opened her mouth, and a plume of flame flew out at the approaching lizard. 

“Woah!”  Dipper screamed.

“AAAHH!”  The monobold scampered around the den in a panic, his vest on fire. 

“Stop, drop and roll, man!”  The others shouted at the panicking lizard.

A part of her wanted to ask how that had happened, but there was no time.  Taking advantage of their distraction, she pocketed the Drake’s Eye, grabbed her brother, (was he suddenly lighter than she remembered?) held him to her side, and crawled back up toward the exit.

She poked her head through the top, where she found herself surrounded by very confused looking monobolds. 

“Was a drake in there the whole time?”  She heard a few of them murmuring. 

“Outta my way!”  She growled.  “I'm not letting any of you touch him!”

The monobolds backed away as Mabel squirmed out of the hole, Dipper still at her side.

“It's the boy!” one monobold shouted. 

“A drake caught him?” said another.

“You're not taking my brother!”  Mabel shouted, swiping away a monobold that got too close, sending the little lizard flying. 

As the monobolds screamed and scattered, Mabel ran, Dipper still in her grasp.  She bolted through the cavern, scrambling down narrow hallways until she finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel.  She shook slightly as she ran, feeling an extra weight on her shoulders as she went, but she couldn’t let it slow here down.  Even when she reached the exit, she kept running, between trees, over rocks, and through brush, animals scattering at the sight of her, before stopping at the edge of a still lake, confident the British accents of their foes had faded into the distance.  She let go of Dipper, and the two took a moment to catch their breaths.

“That... was...”  Dipper said between pants, “so... COOL!  You did it!  You breathed fire!  And you showed those monocled weirdos who's boss!”

“I did!”  Mabel realized.  “I breathed fire!  How'd I do that?  Was it adding that ghost pepper to today's glass of Mabel Juice?”

“I don't know, but it's days like these where I'm glad I've got a dragon for a sister.”

Mabel blinked.  “What?  What are you-” She blinked again, suddenly realizing that, instead of seeing the sides of her little pink nose when she glanced downward, she was looking at a purple-scaled snout.

With a gasp, she reached up to feel it, only to watch a claw rise up and touch her.  Not only that, she suddenly registered that the weight she'd felt trailing behind her was from new limbs, that bent and twitched at her command.  She turned toward the water, and saw a surprisingly cute, sweater-clad, purple dragon staring back at her, its jaws open in surprise to reveal sharpened fangs held in place by braces.  Big leathery wings flapped softly behind her, each wrapped up to the 'elbow' with a separate sweater sleeve, and a long tail ending in a spade shape wiggled around her.  And forget a millimeter, she was about twice as tall as Dipper, now.

“Whoa...”  She looked back at Dipper.  “How did this happen?”

“How did what happen?”  Dipper asked.

Mabel gestured toward herself.  “How'd I turn into a dragon?”

“What do you mean, 'turn into?'”  Dipper said.  “You've always been a dragon.”

Mabel blinked.  “Dipper, I'm the one that makes goofy jokes.”

“I'm not joking!  What else would you be?”

“Uh, a human?  Like mom and dad?  And YOU!  My TWIN!  We barely even look alike now!”

“Not all twins are identical, Mabel.”

“Dipper, last week you got upset about me being a millimeter taller than you!”

“Hey, I thought we agreed not to talk about that if I agreed not to rub my victories in your face.”

“That's not what I- Dipper, I'm nearly twice as tall as you right now!  That doesn't make sense!”

“Come on, Mabel, standing up doesn't count.  Everyone knows you measure a dragon's height at the withers.  Like with horses.”

Mabel shook her head.  What was going on with her brother?

“What about all the sweaters I made back home that don’t have wing sleeves, huh?  Why would a dragon need those?”

“Yes, Mabel I’ve seen your sweater hoard.  I always figured it was because it was hard to get gold and jewels to sate that instinct in this economy.”

Mabel huffed, reached into her backpack, (with some difficulty, trying to work around her new wings,) and pulled out her grappling hook.

“What about my grappling hook, huh?”  She asked.  “Why would I need something like this if I had wings?”

“I asked myself the same question,” Dipper replied, sounding sincerely confused.  “I don't think I've seen you use it once after the day you got it.”

Mabel opened her mouth to remind him that she used it plenty during that time with the vampire... before recalling Dipper hadn't been there for that. 

'Huh, I really haven't been using you much, have I?'  She thought.  'I'm gonna need to look for more chances.'

“Then again, you still haven't flown yet either,” Dipper mumbled, “Maybe that was for practicing flight?”

The grappling hook wasn't going anywhere.  Time to try one more thing.

“What about Gideon?  Or the Gnome king?  Do you really think they'd have fallen in love with a dragon?”

Dipper sighed.  “I probably shouldn't encourage this, but...” he mumbled, before continuing outloud; “Mabel, just because you're different doesn't mean you're unlovable.  I mean, look at how you protected me from those monobolds back there!  Dragons are cool, and tough, and don't have to take any guff from anyone!  There's gotta be someone out there who loves you for you.  Someone better than those creeps, anyway...”

Mabel's narrow pupils widened.  Hadn't Jasper said something like that about the girl he'd liked from that book?  The one he had said was the best?  Maybe this was her chance!

“Mabel, are you feeling okay?”  Dipper asked.  “The journal mentioned that the Perfect Disguise had worked way better than the author had realized in some ways, and did way less in others.  Maybe it's messing with your head, somehow?”

Mabel looked down at the pin on her sweater.  That must have been what did it!  Somehow, it turned her into this to let her disguise as the Monobolds’ queen, while making Dipper (and maybe even other people) think all of this was normal!  Well if she had it, she was gonna make the most of it.

“Hah!  Got you!”  Mabel snorted, smoke puffing out of her nose.  “I'm fine, Dipper, I was just messing with you!  Me, human?  That's silly!”

“Yeah, good joke,” Dipper shook his head.  “Shame we couldn’t get that sponge.  Well, let’s get back to the shack.”

“You got it, Bro-bro!”  Then she looked back at her wings.  “Actually…  Mind if I try something?

*

Mabel’s (excited) and Dipper’s (panicked) screams filled the air as she flew over the forest, clutching Dipper to her chest as she looped and rolled through the air, feeling utterly free.

She looked over the land below her, taking in the view of the mountains, the tress, and the town, when, in a picnic area at the forest’s edge, amongst the other townsfolk and tourists, she saw the boy from earlier, sitting alone at one of the tables.

“Jasper!”  Mabel grinned.  She descended, dropping off Dipper just at the end of the tree line.  “One second Dipper!  He’s gonna love this!”

She’d barely heard Dipper ask, “Love what?” before she’d scampered over to the other boy, passing by a few dogs on their daily walks, which either barked madly at her, or tried to run away, to the surprise of their owners, who apologized for their pets’ odd behavior.

But all that noise was tuned out when she reached him.

“Hiya Jasper!”  Mabel said.  “It’s me, Mabel!”

The boy went wide eyed, his glance darting between her, Dipper, and the other townsfolk. 

“Uh, who?”  He asked.

Mabel’s smile faltered.  Was the disguise having a glitch?  Or did he just forget about her since they met at the Shack?

“Mabel!”  She repeated.  “The fellow Full Moon, Full Heart fan?  Don’t you remember?  You said you like strong, take charge kinda girls, right?  Well, check this out!”

She grabbed another picnic table, and lifted it into the air.

“Bam!  Am I cool, or what?”

“Oh!”  The boy blinked a few times.  “Oh… yeah, right.  Sorry, it took me a second to recognize you, with the different sweater and all…  Yeah, that’s pretty impressive.”  He looked back toward Dipper again.  “Uh…  do you know that kid?  I remember seeing him around earlier, too.”

“That’s my brother, Dipper.  We were just out exploring.”

“Brother?”  Jasper cocked an eyebrow.  “That’s…  Is he also-?”  He paused, straightening up.  “Eh, nevermind.  Sorry, it’s not every day I meet a girl like you, y’know; someone who just oozes coolness.”

He set his book down.

“My Dad was a bit… busy… after that tour…”

*

Jasper and his father were among the last of the crowd exiting the Mystery Shack, when Stan’s gravelly voice called out.

“Hey chubby!  Where do you think you’re going?”

Jasper’s father turned around, the other guests heading back to their cars.  “I beg your pardon, sir?”

“I just wanted to compliment your artistic abilities,” Stan said, holding up several five-dollar bills.  “Not every day I see someone who can get Mr. Lincoln’s nose right consistently, but the texture feels like dried leaves.  You can’t fool Mr. Mystery with funny money like that!”

Jasper’s father was taken aback.  “Please sir, I assure you, I-”

Stan suddenly put an arm around him.  “But you CAN fool most of this town.  So what do you say you show me how you did it, and we can keep this quiet, huh?”

*

“…So he told me to go find something else to do,” Jasper continued.  “Would you like to… go hang out for a while?”

Mabel grinned wide, wings flapping, and sparks flying from between her teeth.  “Would I?  Yes yes yes!”

The boy winced as one of the sparks hit his coonskin cap, and quickly patted it off.  “Careful there, hot stuff.”

‘He called me hot stuff!’  Mabel thought.  ‘Time for summer romance!’

*

After a quick goodbye to Dipper, Mabel followed Jasper down the park path.

“This is one of my favorite places in the park,” Jasper said.  “Just the right distance between the picnic tables and the old snack shop…”

“Why?”  Mabel asked, glancing over the shaded trail.  There weren’t any benches, just a bunch of bushes at the side of the road.  “Doesn’t seem like a romantic spot.”

“’Cause this spot is less for romance, and more for pranks,” he replied, climbing behind the bushes.  “Oh, here comes a target now!  Get back here!”

Mabel quickly hunched down, not quite able to completely hide her tail or horns from being visible on the trail side.

Peeking out, Mabel saw old man McGucket walking down the trail, singing a song whose lyrics only made sense to him.  She ducked behind the bush again, and suddenly felt the old man trip over her tail.

“Consarn it!”  McGucket mumbled, slowly pushing himself up.

In the blink of an eye, Jasper had slipped on a ghoulish green Summerween mask, and popped out of the bush, making a high-pitched screeching sound.

“Eeek!  My raccoon wife’s ex!  He’s comin’ for me!”   McGucket scrambled to his feet and darted away.

Jasper and Mabel laughed.

“McGucket’s always got the best reactions,” Jasper snorted.  “And man, tripping him up with your tail, that was a good one!”  He tucked the mask away.  “You get to spook the next one.  I’d offer you a mask, but with those fangs, I bet you could get anyone screaming.”

“Aw, thanks!”  Mabel grinned.

The two hid themselves again, and a few minutes later, a middle-aged woman came down the road, carrying a couple bags in her arms.  Mabel slipped her tail out in front of her, and the woman tumbled to the ground, dropping her bags to catch herself.  She groaned, and began to pick herself up, when Mabel rose up from behind the bush, flashing her fangs before letting out a roar.

The woman screamed and ran off, leaving her bags behind. 

“Way to go Mabel!”  Jasper cheered.  “And look, she even left behind some loot!  Score!”  He reached into the plastic bags, pulling a few snack bars.  “Health Nut’s Rock-Solid Granola Bars?  Ugh, lame.”

Mabel picked up the bag.  “Uh, shouldn’t we give that back to her?”

“Nah, if she wanted it enough, she wouldn’t have dropped it.”  He tossed it over his shoulder.  “Not that I blame her for leaving that junk.”  He shrugged.  “But either way, that was great, Mabel!  You’re a natural at this.”

“I am?”  Mabel perked up.

“Yeah!  I can tell we’re gonna have a great time tonight.”

*

“Oh, look at that,” Mabel said, pointing to a poster on the side of the theater.  Mabel grinned.  She’d been waiting for this movie to come out forever, and today was the perfect day to-

“Pretty Pony Princess 4: The Re-Princessing?  Eugh,” Jasper gagged.  “Talk about a namby-pamby waste of time.  I wouldn’t be caught dead seeing that.”

“…Right!  Yeah!”  Mabel cheered.  “I wouldn’t wanna see it either!”

When Jasper just nodded, Mabel felt an urge to go further.  What if he wasn’t impressed with her just saying she didn’t want to see it?  She had to prove it!  She couldn’t risk losing this chance!

She held out her claws as they walked past the poster, scraping five long gashes into it.

“Wow,” Jasper paused.  “Guess you REALLY don’t like that movie, huh?”

“Yeah!”  Mabel nodded.  “I hate that they even wanna make us look at it.”

“Hah!  Yeah, you stick it to ‘em!  Never doing things halfway, I like that about you.”

Mabel felt her heart pounding.  Maybe this would be worth it.

Maybe she could find more proactive ways to impress him.

*

“So that little creep’s the one who wouldn’t take the hint and kept hitting on you?”  Jasper asked, pointing to a merch stand set up outside the Tent o’ Telepathy, the sign above it prominently displaying Gideon’s face.

“Yep,” Mabel said.  “And it’s time I showed him not to mess with Mabel!”

After a quick glance around to make sure nobody was watching, and that the stand was unmanned, Mabel took to the air, took a deep breath, and released a jet of flame.  She quickly dropped back down, picked up Jasper, and carried him away a safe distance to watch the carnage unfold as the stand went up in flames.

“…Whoa…”  Jasper watched as Gideon and his panicked employees ran out and tried to put out the fire.  “Way to show him who’s in charge!”

Mabel was beaming!  She was actually impressing a guy!  And it felt so satisfying to let loose with her new power.

She could get used to this.

*

When she and Jasper finally parted ways, Mabel flew back to the Shack, tired, but happy.

She stepped inside, (awkwardly bending to fit her wings through the door,) and saw Dipper on the couch, reading Lumberjills Monthly. 

“Oh, hey Mabel!”  He waved to her.  “How was your date?”

“It went amazing!”  Mabel cheered.  “I think me and Jasper are perfect for each other!”

“That’s… nice,” Dipper said, not sounding confident.  Mabel brushed it off.  “You didn’t run into any trouble out there, did you?”  He continued.  “I heard that someone saw a monster near the campgrounds’ snack shop.  And there was something in the news about a fire near Gideon’s tent.”

“Oh, that,” Mabel’s lips turned down slightly.  “I, uh, I didn’t see anything like that out there!”

Dipper closed the magazine and the two headed upstairs. 

“Waddles,” Mabel called, opening the door to their room, “I’m home!”

The pig jumped and squealed at the sight of her, trying to squeeze under Mabel’s bed in a panic.

“Waddles, what’s wrong?” 

Mabel stepped further in, and Waddles bolted past her down the stairs, just outside of Mabel’s reach.

“He’s probably just tired of being cooped up in the room so long,” Dipper suggested, getting into bed.  “I’m sure he’s fine.”

Mabel frowned, but went to her dresser instead of chasing Waddles anyway.  Unfortunately, while the clothes she had been wearing after using the perfect disguise seemed to have changed to fit her wings and tail, the rest were untouched.

‘Guess I’ll have to knit some more sweaters with wing-sleeves then,’ Mabel thought.  ‘In the meantime, I guess I should go back to normal.’

She grabbed and eraser, and rubbed out the “queen of the monobolds” title from the Perfect Disguise, leaving her name intact, then waited for her claws to go back to being hands. 

After a minute, nothing had happened.

‘Maybe I have to take it all the way off for it to stop?”

She reached for the nametag pin and removed it.  But, to her surprise, her claws and snout remained.

Then she suddenly heard Dipper scream behind her.

Turning around, she saw him pick up a baseball bat, and raise it defensively.

“Who are you, and what did you do with Mabel?”

Thinking fast, Mabel put the pin back on.

“Dipper, it’s me!”

Dipper shook his head, then rubbed his temples.

“Right…  Of course.  I’m way more tired than I thought, not even recognizing my sister.”  He dropped the bat, and climbed back into bed.

‘Guess I’m sleeping in my day clothes then…’  Mabel thought, climbing into bed.  ‘But why didn’t I go back to normal when I took the disguise off?  How am I supposed to get back to normal, then?’

She lay there, trying to sleep for about a half hour, with no luck.  Tossing and turning, trying different positions with her wings and tail.  No matter what way she moved, she just couldn’t seem to get comfortable, and just felt more and more anxious.  Some quite part of her longed to be back in the monobold’s treasure room, but she was NOT going back there, especially not in the middle of the night.  Eventually, she simply couldn’t take it anymore.  She got up, not sure what she was going to do, moving around quietly to her drawers.  She carefully opened them again, pulling out one of her sweaters.  The soft fabric felt so comfy, so cozy to the touch. 

Still feeling tired, Mabel dropped it, and grabbed for another sweater, enjoying its feel.  She repeated this again, and again, her eyes fluttering closer and closer to sleep as the pile of sweaters grew larger and larger.  Eventually, her exhaustion finally overcame her, and she fell asleep, tumbling into the pile of sweaters beside her.

*

Mabel blinked, and flicked a fork tongue out, the scent of chocolate strong in the air.  Looking down below her, she saw a pile of gold beneath her feet. 

She reached to pick one up, but as she bent down, a rolled up newspaper hit her with a hollow ‘thock.’

“Hey,” her Grunkle Stan said, waving the newspaper.  “I already told you, no eating the chocolate coins!  They’re for the set piece!”

“Set piece?”  Mabel repeated.  Suddenly, she saw the metal bars around her, and the plaque describing “the three-for-one special” dragon sitting outside her cage. 

“Wait, three for one?”  Mabel looked to her right, and saw Stan as her side, holding a pair of cardboards tube with paper mâché dragon heads.  “Why do I need to get three heads?  Isn’t being a dragon enough.”

“Kid, you remember when Dipper brought in the Gremoblin; real monsters just freak people out, they wanna laugh at the fakes.  Now hold still while I get the glue gun.”

She flinched as crowds surrounded her, laughing until it was all she could hear.

*

Mabel woke up, and shook her head.  It was just a dream.

Her stomach rumbling, she trudged down the stairs.  Dipper was already at the table, waiting as Stan cooked pancakes.  The moment she entered the room, Waddles squealed once again and darted out.  Too tired to pursue, Mabel got into a chair and sighed.

“Did you sleep okay?”  Dipper asked.  “You don’t look so good.”

Mabel shook her head.  “Had a dream that Stan put me in a cage and used me as one of the Mystery Shack displays,” she whispered.  “He wouldn’t even let me eat the chocolate coins as payment.”

“Hey!”  Stan turned around, plates of finished pancakes in hand.  “I would never do something like that to my niece!  I’d give you ten percent of the profit.”  He set the plates down on the table

“Yeah,” Dipper said, “he’d never…  Wait, you never paid ME when you had me dress in that stupid wolf-boy costume!”

Stan raised a hand in protest.  “That’s because I was giving you something more valuable than money: unpaid internship experience!  You can put that on your resume!”

While her brother and great uncle debated exactly how useful the experience of being a “shirtless wolf boy” would be in the job market ten years from now, Mabel sighed and ate her pancakes.  Flying and fire breath were cool, but she couldn’t shake a worry that she might never go back to normal.

Still, if Jasper liked her like this, then maybe it wouldn’t matter.  She still had the Disguise to blend in, after all.

She finished her meal, still feeling a little hungry, and left the kitchen.   Waddles was sitting by the shop door, looking restless.  Once again, on seeing her, he backed away as far as possible.

“What’s wrong, Waddles?”  She asked, stepping closer.

A bell rung as Soos opened the shop door, and Waddles ran under his legs and out into the woods.

“Waddles!”  Mabel shouted, nearly knocking Soos over as she pursued her pig.

As she chased him toward the edge of the woods, a trio of monobolds jumped out of a bush at her. 

“Oh Queen, and holder of the Drake’s Eye,”  One cheered.  “We’ve sought you out all day and night, and-”

“Outta the way!”  Mabel roared, charging right through them and knocking them aside.

Waddles dashed into the forest, and Mabel followed, leaping over rocks, ducking under branches, weaving between trees, and even dropping to all fours at one point.  Waddles’ scent lingered in the air and danced on her tongue as she chased him, slowly but steadily getting closer. 

Until finally, she was able to wrap her claws around him.

“Gotcha!”  She cheered, hugging the pig to her chest as he squealed in panic.

“Don’t run away like that, Waddles, I was so worried!”  She rubbed her cheek against his.  “I couldn’t stand the thought of anything happening to you!  You’re just too precious!” 

She flicked her tongue out, licking her lips.  “I couldn’t ever let anyone else get their claws on you.”  Little sparks began to leap out of her mouth.  “I wanna keep you warm and safe forever!  You’re just so cute I could just eat you up!”

Her stomach growled, and Mabel’s eyes went wide as she realized her jaws were halfway to clamping down on her pet.

“Ahh!  Waddles, I’m sorry!  You were right to be scared!”  She shook her head, and tucked Waddles under her arm.  “I’m gonna get you back to the shack, then try to figure out how to fix this.”

The forest was too dense to spread her wings properly, so she walked back toward the Mystery Shack, following Waddles’ scent trail in reverse.

Still, she wondered, why hadn’t the Perfect Disguise worked on Waddles?  Nobody else had seemed to find her scary, unless she was trying to scare them…

Well, there had been those dogs at the park…  And the monobolds said it hadn’t worked for them…  And the Author had said it worked better and worse than he’d thought…  Did it only fool people?  And if that was the case, what turned her into a dragon?  Was it something in the treasure room?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Hey Mabel,” Jasper said, “where are you going?”

“J-Jasper!”  She turned to face him.  “What are you doing here?”

“I was on the way to the Mystery Shack,” Jasper said.  “You know, where you said we’d meet before our next date.”

“Oh, right…”

“So, what are you doing out here?”  Jasper looked her up and down.  “Why are you carrying a pig?  And why are you still wearing that name tag after all this time?”

“This is my pet, Waddles!”  She said, proudly holding the pig up to him.  “He got a little spooked and ran out into the woods, so I chased after him.”

“Pet?”  The boy tilted his head.  “So I guess he’s not lunch for our date, then?”

“NO!”  Mabel roared, tendrils of flame slipping from between her fangs as trees shook and birds took the air in fright.

“Okay okay!”  Jasper raised his hands defensively.  “Eesh, never come between a girl and her bacon.”

“Sorry, sorry.”  Mabel said, frowning as she realized just how loud she had gotten.  “I uh…  I don’t think this is gonna work out.  Yesterday I was trying to pretend to be someone I wasn’t, to show off for you, and once I realized what I was becoming, I didn’t like it.  I don’t think I can date you while I’m pretending to be something I’m not.”

“Oh,” the boy’s lips turned down, and he shrugged.  “Well, if you feel that way, fair enough.”

Mabel stood there for a moment, wide-eyed.  That was not the response she had been expecting after Jeff and Gideon.

“Is this whole thing why you’re still wearing that name tag?”  Jasper asked.

“Kinda?”  Mabel blurted out, the out of nowhere question catching her off guard.  “I mean, my name is Mabel, it’s just...”

“No, don’t worry, I get it,” Jasper waved a hand dismissively.  “Blending in with humans is tough for creatures like us.”

“Like us?”  Mabel repeated.

Jasper didn’t seem to hear her.  “I have to say, your disguise even had me convinced you were human at the Mystery Shack, and I guessed it kinda worked in the park, since none of the humans were freaking out about it, but I mean… I didn’t wanna say anything, but the disguise was obviously having some kinda glitch, because I could tell you were a dragon plain as day, and judging by the yappin’ from the dogs, so could they.”

“Wait, you’re not…”

“You didn’t figure it out?  Ha!  And Dad said my disguises needed more work!  Well, since you’re coming clean about being a dragon, I should tell the truth too.”

The boy leapt into a somersault, and a puff of smoke appeared around him.  When the smoke cleared, in his place was a child-sized, bushy-tailed raccoon.

“WHAT?”  Mabel’s jaw dropped.  “I’ve been dating a RACCOON this whole time?” 

Had she fallen to the same lows as McGucket? 

“Raccooki, actually,” Jasper corrected.  “My mom was a raccoon, my dad was a tanuki.”  He crossed his arms over his chest.  “Mom was always getting on my case because I wanted to date other cryptids, but it’s like, ugh, Mom, you married a tanuki!  What a hypocrite.”

‘Tanuki?’ Mabel thought.  ‘Like that costume from Super Plumber Bros.?  She vaguely recalled Dipper having seen an entry for one in the journal, about them being shapeshifting creatures from Japan, and that a few had made it to Gravity Falls.

He shook his head.  “But yeah, sorry for not telling you sooner.  You know how it is, hiding from humans and all.  But hey, we both came clean, neither of us are pretending to be something we’re not…  Well, I’m not gonna push it if you don’t want to, but… Do you think this could still work?”

“No!”  Mabel huffed.  “I thought I was dating a cute guy, not a raccoon!”

“Raccooki!”  Jasper snarled, putting his hands on his hips indginantly.  “And that’s rich, coming from a dragon pretending to be a human!  You’re just another hypocrite!”

“I AM human!” Flames shot from the sides of Mabel’s mouth.  “The dragon is the disguise!  Or it was…”

“In that case…”

In a surprising burst of speed, he darted up to Mabel, and yanked the Perfect Disguise off her shirt.

“Hey!”  Mabel swiped at him with her free arm, trying to grab the pin back, but Jasper nimbly leapt out of the way.

“If you’re done ‘pretending,’ you won’t need this anymore!”  He ducked under her tail as it lashed out at him.  “Even if it’s glitched to only work on humans, there are so many cryptids who’d pay-!”  He arched back as she bit at him. “…Through the nose to get something like this.  I could buy the whole dang set of Full Moon Full Heart novels!”

Mabel reared back to breath fire, but Jasper held the Disguise up in front of him.  “Careful, don’t want to burn this, do you?  Despite all that talk about being done pretending, you still wanna act like one of those humans, don’t you?”

“Mabel!”  Dipper shouted in the distance.  “Mabel, where are you?”

Mabel gasped.  She couldn’t let Dipper see her like this without the Perfect Disguise.  She fumbled through her pockets.  Did she have anything else that could prove it was really her?

Her claws gasps the Drake’s Eye.  Dipper said the monobolds used it to pick their leader…  Had this been the cause of this whole mess?

Jasper grinned.  “Well, might as well see how this works!”  He pinned the Disguise, still reading “Hello, My Name Is Mabel Pines,” to a particularly knotted patch of fur.

*

Dipper had run out the door the moment Soos had told him Mabel had chased Waddles out into the forest.  She might be a dragon, or maybe a human girl?  but with all the weird things out in the woods, it was risky to go alone.  

He followed a path of conspicuously broken branches, and the occasional embers lingering in the air, shouting out her name, when he finally saw a tall winged figure through the trees.

It was Mabel? that dragon that had been his sister that he had dreamed of the other night, dressed in Mabel’s clothes, with Waddles in its arms, lashing out at a giant talking raccoon? Mabel, obviously!  Wow her voice sounded boyish she could really use some cough drops.

“Mabel!  Don’t worry, I’m coming!”

He ran to the raccoon’s his brother’s his sister’s side. 

“Mabel!” he grabbed her paw.  “Run!”

“Thank goodness,” Mabel said, “Let’s get outta here, Dipper!”

“Dipper!”  The dragon cried, with a voice that sounded a LOT like Mabel’s.  “Wait, it’s me, Mabel!”

As Dipper pulled Mabel behind a large tree, he paused.  Why on earth would the dragon think that would work?

“Dipper, what’re you waiting for?”  Mabel yanked on his hand.  “Do you wanna stick around and get toasted?”

Was Mabel really not concerned about Waddles?  Obviously, Mabel was too scared to think straight if she wasn’t begging him to go back for Waddles.  But if he knew Mabel, then once she was back to her senses, she’d be devastated if he wasn’t safe.

“We need a way to get Waddles out of that thing’s claws,” Dipper whispered.

Mabel blinked.  “Are you worried about the stupid pig?  There’s no way that thing’s worth fighting a dragon for!  We need to GO!”

If it were anyone else, Dipper would have agreed without question, but there was no way this Raccoon was Mabel hearing those words from Mabel… was she suffering amnesia, or something?

“I’ll think of something to get him back, don’t worry.  We’ll-”

“Dipper!”  The dragon interrupted him, stepping around the tree, holding a small green crystal, in its free claw.  “Sorry about this!”

The dragon held the crystal up to the sun.  Green light filtered through it and into his face.

His body tingled, before quickly being overwhelmed by a burning sensation.  Nevertheless, he held the raccoon’s his sister’s paw firmly.  In the Dragon’s grip, Waddles squealed again, struggling to get out.

The dragon pulled the crystal back out of his face, and stepped back, her braces-covered fangs grinning.  “Maybe now you’ll believe me!  It’s me, Mabel!”

Dipper blinked.  He should’ve been running, but was stunned by the sheer absurdity of this dragon’s behavior, even by Gravity Falls standards.

“Why would I suddenly believe you’re Mabel now?  I mean, sure, you’re wearing dragon-sized versions of her clothes, you kind of sound like her, and I have this weird sense that I spent half of yesterday imagining Mabel had been a dragon, though it’s kinda fuzzy…  But come on, the real Mabel is right here!”

He raised his arm, suddenly feeling like Mabel’s own arm didn’t reach as high as it had.  Confused, he looked down, and saw a large raccoon grinning nervously in his grip.  On its chest was a name tag introducing it as “Mabel Pines.”  It waved meekly.

“Ahhh!”  Dipper leapt back, letting go of the raccoon and tumbling onto his back, wincing as he hit the ground.

The raccoon scrambled back to its feet and started running.

“He’s getting away!”  the dragon shouted.  “Here, take Waddles!”

She unceremoniously tossed Waddles and the crystal at him, then lunged for the raccoon.  Dipper grabbed the pig reflexively, the crystal bouncing past him.

Dipper looked down at the pig squirming and squealing in fright in his grip, and gasped when he saw his arms were covered in dark blue scales, and his fingers ended in claws.

“What?” 

Sitting up, Dipper felt new limbs lifting off the ground, and looked back to big blue bat wings, and a scaly tail trailing behind him.  Each seems to have its own sleeves in his vest, shirt, and pants, somehow.  Keeping a careful grip on Waddles with one hand, he reached up and felt over his head, where he touched a pair of arching horns that poked through holes in his cap.

A million thoughts ran through his head at once:  He was a dragon?  Did that crystal do this?  This was cool!  Could he fly?  Could he breath fire?  This was horrifying!  How would anyone recognize him?  What if he sneezed and set someone or something on fire?  He’d never have a chance with Wendy now!  Did this happen to Mabel?  Was there a way back to normal?  How had he mistaken the raccoon for Mabel, and why did he only realize what he had actually been looking at now?

His thoughts were interrupted by a distant call of “Hey, dudes!  Where are you?”

The raccoon darted past Dipper, and the dragon (Mabel?) followed, leaping out and pinning it to the ground.

“Hah!  Got you!”  The dragon said, in what was almost certainly Mabel’s voice.

Just then, Soos and Wendy came through the trees.

On seeing Wendy, Dipper’s heart raced. 

He could picture her standing atop a stone tower, in an elegant green gown.  Curled around the tower’s base, his new dragon body, now a dozen times bigger, guarded the spire jealously.  He heard her gasp, and looked up. A black knight rode toward the tower, his shield marked by the image of a heart with a stitch running through it.

Dipper rose up to his full height, larger than the tower itself, casually rolled his shoulders, reared back, and unleased a blast of fire from his mouth, enveloping the knight completely.  When he stopped, nothing remained of the knight but a pile of ash and a lump of slag.

“My hero!” cheered Wendy.  Dipper turned back to the tower with a smile, and received a kiss on the snout from his princess.

Dipper shook his head.  Where had all THAT come from?  He had to get back to normal before that happened again.

“Dude,” Soos said, pointing at Dipper and Mabel, “it’s a couple of real-life dragons!”

Wendy’s eye narrowed.  “And they’ve got Mabel and her pig!”  She pulled out an ax.  “This might get messy.”

“Waitwaitwaitwait!”  Dipper scrambled back, waving the arm that wasn’t holding Waddles defensively.  “This isn’t what it looks like!  We can talk about this!  Please!”

“It’s exactly what it looks like!”  The raccoon yelled.  “HELP!”

“We’re coming, Mabel,” Wendy shouted, charging toward the dragons.

“With this shiny thing!”  Soos said, holding up the eye-shaped crystal.

“Wait Soos!”  Dipper called.  “Don’t touch that!”

“Yeah, fat guy,” the raccoon shouted, “don’t touch it!”

“Yo, dudes,” Soos said, looking through the crystal, “I can see clearly now!  It’s like the scales have fallen from my eyes…” he pulled the crystal away, and looked down at the green that now covered his arms. “…And landed everywhere else.”

Wendy skid to a stop and looked behind her at Soos, now twice her size, with comically small wings.  “What the-?  What’s going on?”

“Soos!  Ugh!”  Dipper groaned.  “Careful with that thing!  We don’t know how it-”

“You got it dude!”  Soos said, holding both his arms up with the gem still in his claw, casting a green-tinted shadow on Wendy.

“Oh, this keeps going from bad to worse,” Dipper mumbled.

‘Still,’ he thought, ‘at least if Wendy’s turned into a dragon until we can figure out how to undo all this, I won’t get distracted by that weird princess-kidnapping fantasy.’

He watched as Wendy got back up, standing twice her original height, and shook her head, her red mane of hair billowing in the breeze under the pale, spiraling horns that poked through her hat.  Her green scales shimmered like emeralds in the sunlight.  Her wings, shakily spread to their full majestic length, her fangs gleamed with a deadly beauty, and-

‘Oh no, she’s STILL hot!’

Wendy looked over her claws and new appendages in stunned silence for a second.

“…You know what, yeah, I think I’ll let you guys explain, before this gets ANY weirder.”

*

“…So I guess when the Author said that his Perfect Disguise targeted the human brain, he meant ONLY human brains, and getting turned into dragons made us able to see through it,” Dipper concluded.  “Which is why the monobolds thought he ripped them off.  They never saw it work once.  And the Drake’s eye seems to turn people who stand in front of light shined through it into dragons.  Mabel ended up exposed to both at once, and assumed they were both the work of the Disguise.”

“Makes as much sense as anything else,” Wendy said, keeping Jasper pinned down under her claw.  “So, any hints in that book about how to get back to normal?”

“…Not really,” Dipper said.  “The journal only says that the monobolds used it to choose their leader, it didn’t even say how; I never would have thought it was supposed to turn someone into a dragon.”

“There has to be something,” Wendy said, “we can’t go back into town like this.  Wings and fire breath are cool and all, but even there were more than one Perfect Disguise to blend in, Soos and I can barely fit through doors.”

“Maybe the monobolds would know how it works?”  Dipper suggested.  “It might be a bit of a walk, but if we start now, maybe we can-”

“I saw those guys looking for me while I was chasing after Waddles!”  Mabel said, “I bet they’re still around here somewhere.”

“Good idea!”  Dipper said, before tapping his pen to his chin.  “Now, where to start looking…”

“HEY MONOBOLDS!”  Mabel shouted as loud as she could, trees shaking and animals fleeing at the sound.  “YOUR QUEEN NEEDS A HAND!”

“We make our way with all due haste, my liege!”  Called a distant, British-accented voice.

Dipper blinked.  “…Well, whatever works.”

A trio of monobolds, led by the orange one from the day before, soon stepped into the clearing. 

“Yes, my liege, we are here to-” The orange monobold gasped, his monocle popping off in shock.  “Four drakes!  What have we done for fate to bless us so?  It has been an age since we had one to lead us, and now we have four!”

They all bowed down.

“Oh drakes, great and full of might, how might our low-born clan serve you?  Kings and Queens, your scale shine like stars, we long to-”

“Can you tell us what you know about how this thing works?”  Mabel held out the Drake’s Eye.  “My friends and I, we were all human before were fiddling with it, and then it kinda turned all of us into… this whenever we let light shine through it.”

“…It can do that?”

“You never used it before?”  Dipper cocked an eyebrow.

“Nay, we had not,” said the orange one.  “Our last king said its light would shine on the next king or queen.  We thought it would choose one of our own.”

“…Do you think it just picks warm bloods?” asked another.

“It could be.”

“So, how do we fix it?”  Mabel asked.

“Fix what?”  The orange one asked.

“How do we go back to being human?”  Dipper said.

All of the little lizard’s monocles popped off at the question.  “Go back?  You have no wish to be drakes?  No want to be our lords?”

All four former humans shook their heads.

After replacing their monocles, the three monobolds huddled into a circle, chattering amongst themselves.

“What should we do?” 

“We must do as the queen says.”

“But that would make her queen no more.”

“We would have no one to lead us.”

“Could we not make a new one?  Now that we know how the Drake’s Eye works.”

“It should not be hard to find one who wants it.”

“I think I see a way to set them back, as well.”

They broke their huddle, and turned back to Mabel, the orange one speaking again.

“We have in our lair, a Spell Sponge, which may take back the spell of the Drake’s Eye.  Give that back to us, and we shall aid you.”

“Sure,” Mabel said, “Not like we’re gonna use it afterward.”

“While I’m still a potential king,” Dipper added.  “Could I also order you guys to, say… not try to do anything to us once we’re back in human form?”

The orange monobold tilted his head.  “Why do you think we would?”

“Oh, no reason!”  Dipper chuckled nervously.  “But that’s a ‘yes,’ right?”

“Yes.”

“Cool!  Can we keep the Spell Sponge when you’re done turning us back?”

“Oh,”  Soos interrupted, “and can you get me some chicken wings?”

The monobold glared up at them.  “If you will not be king full time, do not push your luck.”

“Point taken,” Dipper said.  “Let’s get going then!” 

“And since you’re done with all that,” Jasper groaned, “could you let me go?”

“O, right, I almost forgot about you,” Dipper said, holding the Perfect Disguise in his claw.  “But no, we’re not letting you out of our sight until we make sure you won’t try anything funny!  I don’t want to have to worry if any person I meet in town or every bug in the forest is secretly a raccoon-”

“Raccooki!”

“…out for revenge or not.”

Jasper sighed.  “Look, I’m sorry, okay?  I thought your sister was getting on my case for disguising as a human while doing the same thing!  I just wanted her to stop pretending she was any different!  How was I supposed to know she really was a human-turned-dragon?”

“Because I told you that!” Mabel said, before her expression softened.  “But he did take the break up better than Gideon or the Gnome King.  He’s kind of a jerk, but I wouldn’t say he’s a bad guy.  It’s probably safe.”

A new voice spoke.  “And to quiet your other worries…”

Turning to its source, the Mabel saw the chubby Asian man she’d seen at the Mystery Shack.  He leapt and somersaulted in mid-air, a cloud of smoke appearing around him.  When it cleared, a big brown creature, looking something like a cross between a raccoon and a dog, sat on its back legs. 

“If my son could shapeshift into more than just his normal form and human form,” he explained, “he would’ve already turned into something too big or too small to fit in your claws and slipped away.  Sadly, he didn’t inherit all of my kind’s abilities.”

“Dad?”  Jasper winced.  “Oh this is embarrassing…  How much did you hear?”

“Enough,” the tanuki shrugged.  “Now, would you mind letting my son go?  If you don’t, then forget about double checking every person or bug; any tree or rock you pass might be a tanuki out for revenge.”

“Yeah, we’ll let him go!”  Dipper nodded vigorously.  Wendy let up on Jasper, and with a groan, the Raccoon stomped over to his father.

“Thank you,” said the tanuki.  “Now that the he’s safe, I’ll get to my next point: Will you kids need that Perfect Disguise for anything, once you’re back to normal?”

“No,” Dipper said, cautiously, “why do you ask?”

“I was just thinking, my wife, being just a raccoon, can’t shapeshift, and can’t join my son and I on day trips into town.  A little something to keep people from calling animal control on her would be nice, you know.  You have my word that I won’t use the names of any actual townsfolk.”

Dipper rubbed his chin.  “I don’t know…”

“Dipper!  How can you stand in the way of love like that!”  She handed the disguise over to the tanuki.  “Here you go.”

“Thank you, young miss.”  He replied.  “Here, take this as a little gift in exchange.”

He handed her a little wooden carving of a tanuki.

“A carving of yourself?”  Dipper asked.

“It’s adorable!”  Mabel cheered, hugging it.  “I’ll treasure it always!”

“I think you got the short end of the stick here,” Dipper whispered.

The orange monobold cleared his throat.  “Now that you took care of that, shall we go?”

“Yeah!”  Mabel nodded, then waved back to Jasper.  “Bye!  Don’t go pranking people and stealing their stuff again!”

Dipper looked back at his wings, and flapped them.  “You know… the rest of us haven’t actually gotten to try these things yet.  Do you think we could give them a try on the way there?”

A few moments later, a quartet of dragons could be heard cheering as they flew over the forest.

*

“Come back any time!”

Lazy Susan waved goodbye to Stan and the Pines kids after their evening meal.  A few moments after the door closed behind them she heard a rattling sound coming from the back of restaurant.

“I swear, if another animal got into the dumpster…”  She mumbled, heading outside.

She started to open the dumpster lid.  “Hey now, you come out of there and-”

Immediately, she was met with a hissing and chittering sound from an annoying raccoon a Certified Garbage Inspection raccoon, and two other raccoon-looking creatures.

“Ah!  Sorry to interrupt your work, Ma’am!”  She closed the dumpster lid, and heading back inside.

“What a fine lady she was.”