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Teru was 8 years old when he first bled because of himself.
He’d just killed his first supernatural, and he felt awful. Deep down, he knew that the supernatural really didn’t do anything bad, and that knowledge hurt. But it was a supernatural, it had to be bad didn’t it?
While fighting it, the supernatural landed a hit on him and gave him a pretty nasty cut. As soon as he got home, Kou ran to him crying while his mom bandaged him up and Tiara slept peacefully in the next room. Teru couldn’t help but stare at the blood around his arm while his mother cleaned it up, almost like he was in a trance. It almost felt like a distraction from what he’d just done.
That same night, Teru felt the urge to see that red again. He brought his sword to his arm and ran it over his skin. The pain was grueling, but the sight was beautiful. His thoughts were filled only with what he saw before him.
From that day forward, he held on to the thought that every supernatural is bad. He held on to that thought as hard as he could, and whenever he felt his grip falter, he’d find himself staring at that same crimson red again.
He began wearing longer sleeves more often, not only to hide the scars he gained on his own but also to hide the ones he got while on the job.
As he got older, the amount of scars grew and grew. They grew whenever his little sister played with the Mokke and he was reminded about how they’re truly harmless. They grew whenever he was reminded that Akane was half supernatural and how he was almost ok with it now. They grew whenever he saw his little brother being friends with two supernaturals, practically in love with one of them.
He needed to remind himself that all supernaturals were bad, or else he might break thinking about all the supernaturals he’d killed in his 9 year of exorcising.
His mother wasn’t there to patch him up everytime he got hurt anymore. What kind of older brother would he be if he forced Kou to take care of him, or let Tiara worry about him? So, he forced himself to fix himself up, and to put on a strong smile for the two people he loved the most.
All day everyday, he would wear the same perfect smile like it was a choker too tight, he’d exorcise supernaturals while his every sense told him no, he’d hang around the few supernaturals he hadn’t murdered while wondering who he was to decide which ones lives and which ones died, all while trying to remind himself of the things he’d traded his childhood to learn.
On one particular day, he woke up more exhausted than he’d ever felt. Sluggishly, he got ready for school, not noticing the eyebags under his eyes and the not yet healed cuts from the night before.
He went downstairs and Kou asked if he was alright. Teru flashed his usual smile while nodding his head, yet Kou didn’t seem fully convinced and even Tiara seemed to know something was up. Teru didn’t notice, though.
The two brothers walked their sister to her school and then headed off in the direction of theirs. The air felt like it was full of smoke, the two unable to breathe comfortably with how high the tension was. Kou would sneak glances at Teru, and Teru would simply return it with a tired smile.
Before the two headed their separate ways, Kou held on to Teru’s arm, not noticing the slight grimace on his face as he felt the sting.
“Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”
“You seem off…”
Teru looked at his brother while Kou looked back at him. They didn’t speak for several seconds before the class bell rang.
“I’m ok, I promise. No need to worry about your big brother so much!” Teru said as he took his arm out from Kou’s grasp.
“If you say so… but tell me if there’s something, ok?” Kou said, still slightly unsure.
Teru nodded as he waved and walked away, guilt building in his heart. Kou shouldn’t be worried about him, he wasn’t doing his job as an older brother.
During lunch that day, Teru and Akane met up to discuss student council business. The two had planned this meeting a week in advance, and yet dispute that Teru nearly forgot.
“Finally, you’re here.”
“Don’t be harsh, even I forget things sometimes!” Teru said with his usual smile.
Akane knew that was a lie, Teru was always on top of everything. He was the best at managing things as one could be, Akane didn’t mention it though.
As the two discussed, Teru had reached his arm across Akane to grab a paper. Without noticing, his sleeve slightly rolled up, and the unhealed injury from the night before slightly peaked out.
To a normal person, they probably wouldn’t have even noticed it. His sleeve didn’t even roll up that much, but Akane was perceptive and observant.
“Pres, what’s on your arm?” He asked looking at the arm in question.
Teru faltered for a moment, “nothing, nothing. Probably just an injury from last nights fight.”
The two paused for a moment, Akane looking at Teru and Teru looking at the papers in front of him.
“Come on” Akane sighed as he stood up, beginning to walk away.
Teru looked at him and then back at the papers, then he looked at him again and quickly stood up.
“We still have to discuss, you know?” He said as they walked.
“Ya ya whatever, that’ll happen later” Akane said as he walked into the nurses office.
Teru hesitated before stepping inside the room, he didn’t want a nurse to see everything and then question him. How was he meant to explain both the self inflicted injuries and the supernatural injuries without sounding insane?
“The nurse isn’t here, don’t worry. Now hurry up, we don’t have all day.” Akane said as he began getting out some anti-infectant and bandaids from the cupboards.
“You sure seem to know your way around here.” Teru mentioned before going and sitting on one of the beds.
“Be quiet”
“Sorry sorry”
“Whatever”
The conversation quickly died down as Akane brought a stool next to the bed Teru was sitting on.
“Give me your arm.” He said as he took out a bandaid and prepared the anti-infectant.
Teru hesitated for a moment, but what was the worst that could happen? It’s not like Akane had any right to judge he supposed.
He gave his arm to the boy in front of him, and Akane slowly rolled up his sleeve.
Akanes eyes slightly widened, but Teru wasn’t looking in his direction. Teru simply stared at the wall instead.
Akane looked at the arm in front of him for a moment, he realized that some of the scares weren’t from a super natural. They were too straight, too perfect looking, to be from one. The ones from supernaturals were all weirdly shaped and, hell, a sore sight to see.
Quickly, Akane shook the surprise off of his face. He was almost 100% sure he knew what they were from, but he acknowledged that Teru would die before ever admitting anything.
Akane proceeded to clean the wound and bandage it up, Teru not sparing him a single glance until it was done.
“Here, you need to remember to clean your injuries. If you don’t, they’ll get infected.” Akane lectured.
“Whatever you say!” Teru said, a sarcastic grin on his face.
Teru checked his watch and looked back at Akane, “lunch ended, let’s meet up later and discuss the rest?” He asked.
“Sure.”
“Great! Later~.” Teru said as he began walking out the door.
“Pres, wait-“ Akane began before he could stop himself.
Teru knew what was going on, he stopped walking but he didn’t dare look back. It’s not like Teru was ever trying to hide this painful habit of his, so why did he feel anxious about it being seen? Was it fear? Was it shame? Whatever it was, it felt horrible.
“If you need to talk… I’m here.” Akane said, clearly not sure how to say it.
Teru almost chuckled, he simply looked back and flashed the same smile that Akane had grown sick of seeing.
“Will do, now head to class.” Teru said before walking off.
From then on, the two never mentioned it. They continued on with their lives as if those couple of minutes hadn’t even happened. Maybe Teru wanted to talk to someone, but he was too scared. Or maybe Teru just didn’t need to talk to anyone, maybe he was strong enough to get back up and continue on.
That was, until Teru felt grief in a way he never felt before as he looked at the body of his younger brother. The younger brother he tried so hard to protect. The younger brother who shouldn’t have had to feel the pain of the world Teru had experienced. The younger brother who deserved better than him.
Teru would never admit it, but perhaps talking to someone felt way better than the beauty of the crimson red.