Work Text:
WARNINGS:
Suicide
Self harm
Panic attacks
Gore and blood in general
Some talk of mutilation
I own none of these characters! They all belong to ‘Red’ on Webtoon <3
A steady breeze filled the air, the sun was setting and illuminated the ground in a warm glow. Birds chirped as they went to their nests for the night, their wings beating in the air delicately. The aroma of a crackling fire lets off the welcoming smell of smoke as it fills the area. It’s peaceful, the perfect friday night.
A girl sat on top of a beat down school bus, her ginger hair–usually in braids–streaming out behind her like a fiery wave. She was looking up at the stars, listening to her friends laugh and play before inevitably “Falling asleep.”
She refused to bring her mind to that awful place before she had to.
What she didn’t notice was a boy leaving the group and jumping up on the bus. He slowly made his way over to her, watching her eyes trail the sky. Her face illuminated by the sun, she looked beautiful.
The boy–Aiden–wasn’t in the mood to play. To talk, to socialize, to be as alive as the others. He was tired. Simple as that. And he wanted to talk to his favourite person one more time, just in case it got too much for him to bear. Just in case it was the last time he could hear her voice, see her bright green eyes, to see her smile at him. The thought burned a hole into his heart, but nonetheless he was just tired.
He didn’t want to see the look on her face when she woke up and he was gone.
He had actually seen it once, he had died. Not in this dimension of course, one where he healed and sprang back up just as quickly.
But that’s not the point.
He had seen her face, seen how horrified she was. How scared she was. He never wanted to see that again, never again would he see her so pained and wretched. He felt her shake against him, how her whole body had trembled and how she held onto him so so tightly.
He had promised himself then and there that he would never die again. Not for his own sake, but hers.
Sadly since then he had been having nightmares. Not normal ones, ones that make a person want to crawl out of their skin and tear apart their flesh. Nightmares that would drive a person crazy. Nightmares that would make a person mad.
I won’t go into detail, for the dear reader's sake, but these dreams usually consisted of himself–Aiden–trying to murder–no, mutilate–his physical body.
This Aiden was crazy. His eyes disoriented and pupils blown out so he looked insane, his smile wide and unnatural. In many of these he was bloody, his hands formed into claws and smeared with the red liquid. He would run through roads and allies while this version of himself followed him around.
He was in a constant state of fear. When he was running he would try not to look back, but sometimes you had to. Safe to say seeing yourself, crazy and mutilated, running through the streets after you, was not a pretty sight.
It had driven Aiden insane.
But that wasn’t the peak of the situation, the worst part was when he was caught.
He could still feel hands on his neck, claws tearing his stomach open and ripping out his organs, his eyes being ripped out of their sockets and his face torn apart. He could feel himself drained of blood and become paler and paler. He had died hundreds of gruesome ways and always remembered them.
And since he was going to a dimension every night, Aiden had the great pleasure of seeing this version of himself in the flesh.
Out of the corner of his eye, standing behind his friends, looking back at him in the mirror. It was everywhere.
It even followed him to the main world, he started to hallucinate it around every corner. His heart would leap into his stomach as he yanked at his hair to make it go away. His hands would dig into his arms, leaving scars and hand prints that refuse to go away. His skin was raw from crying as this..thing loomed over his bed while he was trying to sleep.
For that reason, he had stopped sleeping. He was going on three days at this point–or four, maybe five? He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t sleep. That thing would come back, it would restart. Even without sleeping it’s here, he can’t escape it.
His arms and legs were covered in scars from trying to claw out of his own skin, using any tool he could. It never worked. It never would. He had to keep living this cycle. Again and again and again and again and again and again and again and againandagainandagain….
He couldn’t take it anymore.
Guilt yanked at his heartstrings, pulling him every which way until they snapped. He was done. He was tired. He was sick of living like this.
The thought of leaving the girl–Ashlyn–killed him inside. He couldn’t. He couldn’t leave her thinking it was her fault. That she couldn’t save him.
He knew she would, because that's what Ashlyn Banner did. She took on too much responsibility and cracked under the pressure. Aiden knew this would break her, it would be her last straw before giving up.
He didn’t want to leave, but he had to. It was too much. He was done living this shitty excuse for a life.
And so he took his spot next to Ashlyn. He was prepared to say goodbye. Some part of him didn’t want to, but once he caught a glimpse of the creature beside him his heart leaped. He had to. No turning back. Make this a good conversation. Talk to her. Make her laugh. Make her happy.
Show her you love her.
Ashlyn felt the boy sit next to her and her heart leaped.
She flashed him a smile, turning her head to look at the blonde boy. “Hi Aiden, come to bother me on this lovely night?” She laughed, a slight hint of anxiety in her voice.
He tried to give her a smile, anything really, but it came out as a weak laugh and a grin backed with pain.
Ashlyn noticed, of course she did.
Thousands of thoughts coursed through her head, why wasn’t he smiling? What's wrong? Did I do something? Can I make it better? Does he even want to talk about it?
Can I help him?
“Oh Aiden…are you okay?” She whispered, shuffling closer to him to place her hand on his. He backed away from her touch a little, but moved closer and leaned into her touch in the end.
He watched the stars, focusing on one to try and keep his sanity as the monster moved closer to him. To Ashlyn.
“...Are you okay?” She tired again, concern tugging at her heart. She hated seeing him like this, he wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t joking. It hurt her physically. She hated seeing the boy she loved like this, it was almost too much for her to bear.
“The stars are lovely.” He replied, throwing Ashlyn for a curve.
“I didn’t ask that..” She whispered, giving his hand a quick squeeze.
He winced, this was getting harder.
“I don’t want to lie to you.” His voice cracked and he cursed himself out for it.
He refused to lie to Ashlyn when this could be their last conversation. It was wrong.
“Aiden then don’t..If you’re going through something then I’ll help you. I would help you anytime you asked for it. I would do it in a heartbeat. I don’t want to see you hurt again.” She whispered. Ashlyn knew something was wrong, something was gravely wrong.
“I can’t.” Aiden whispered, his voice barely audible.
“Can’t what…?” Ashlyn pressed. She knew she shouldn’t, but Aiden needed to tell her. He can’t suffer on his own.
“I can’t keep doing this.”
Now he was crying. Hot tears broke through his eyes and cascaded down his face, running over his pale cheeks and hot skin.
“I’m so tired, Ash. I want to give up. These–these nightmares! They’re everywhere! I can’t do it. I’m haunted and always in terror and they won’t leave me alone!” He sobbed, pulling his knees to his chest and digging his nails into his legs.
Ashlyn’s heart sank. Was he saying what she thought he was saying…? And he was crying. Fuck.
“Oh Aiden..” She whispered, turning to face him. “Do you want to talk about the nightmares? Do you want me to do anything other than listen?” She asked, placing a hand on his shoulder and slowly turning him to face her.
He nodded, but his sobs became erratic and his breathing hysterical.
“Shit-” Ashlyn mumbled, pulling Aiden into a hug.
“You have to calm down..I don’t know what’s going on but I’ll do anything to help you. Hear me Aiden? Anything. I would go through the phantom dimension a hundred times over if I had to. Just try to breathe and calm down.”
He nodded against her, trying to stop his sobs. He couldn’t, he was too anxious, too worked up, this was a week of pain and suffering coming out in one.
“It’s me!” He choked out, “It’s me always! I turn into a phantom and chase myself! That thing chases me!” He cries, his throat screaming in pain and chest burning. “That thing has killed me. It chases me all over and kills me in gruesome ways! I felt my lungs get ripped out of my body. Clean out. I was choking on blood and in insufferable pain! And and and!”
He broke into a chorus of wails again, unable to keep it in any longer.
Ashlyn was horrified. Her stomach turned with disgust. How long had this been happening? All she could do was hold him tighter, making sure he couldn’t pull away. She held him like he would disappear.
“It’s been following me–it sits over my bed while I try to sleep! I haven’t slept in weeks, Ash!” Aiden cried, digging his hands into his scalp.
Ashlyn pulled back, grabbing his hands and coaxing them off his head. “Aiden don’t hurt yourself.” She whispered.
That was when his cuff rolled up and she saw the scars. The plethora of scars that made her heart twist and shatter in her chest. She wanted to cry. To scream, to do something! She couldn’t. She could just hold him tighter and let him talk.
Aiden pulled back a little, his eyes glistening as his tears still rolled down his cheeks.
His heart lurched when he saw the tears glistening in Ashlyn’s eyes. Shit she can’t cry too. This wasn’t how it was meant to go. He wasn’t meant to say goodbye, say he loved her and give her a hug. Show her how much she meant to him, laugh, smile, be himself.
But when she started to question him the tears fell. They fell hard. He couldn’t stop it, they wouldn’t stop. All his pain. All his suffering had been poured out for her to hear.
He backed away, sitting on his knees in front of her.
“I’m sorry!” He cried, looking at her with eyes like a gem. “I’m so sorry for everything! I’m sorry for putting my worries on you, I’m sorry for crying, I’m sorry for my plan! I’m sorry Ashlyn!” He wailed, seeming to never run out of things to apologize for.
“Aiden calm down!” Ashlyn yelled, grabbing his face and holding him so he couldn’t look away.
“You don’t have to be sorry for a damn thing! You are clearly suffering more than all of us! You are not alone Aiden. We will all be there to listen to you, to help you, even if it seems impossible!” She took a breath, trying to blink away the tears that threatened to break through her eyes.
“Aiden I’m glad you told me. You showed me your pain, I’m glad you trust me enough that you would come to me. I’m so proud of you for coming forward.” She laughed.
He seemed to melt into her touch, leaning into her hands as fresh tears made their appearance. He was so lucky to have her.
A new wave of pain rushed over him as he realized this is what he was giving up. This is the pain he was leaving her with.
The monster standing over her shoulder almost made those thoughts real.
His heart lurched, he felt sick. It was still here. It didn’t leave. He wasn’t able to escape, he never will be able to. He’s trapped. This cycle will never end. He can’t. He never can- It’ll never end.
His heart was pounding out of his chest, his body was on fire like he was trapped in a volcano, a cold sweat swept its way over his body as he tried to calm himself down. Aiden could feel his hands shaking, his body losing touch on reality.
Never leaving, can’t get out, stuck, trapped, can'tescapeneverleavingalwayshere…
Ashlyn was also panicking, but for a different reason. She wasn’t sure how to comfort Aiden, but he was shaking so much she thought he would fall off the bus. Once his breathing started to jump and become short she knew she had to do something. Anything to help.
She took a deep breath, moving to take Aiden away from the side of the bus and more in the middle for safety reasons. She moved her hands onto his and placed one on her chest, right in the center so he could feel her heart.
“Aiden..Aiden can you hear me?” She whispered, grasping his free hand with all her might.
The boy nodded so she continued.
“Try to count my heartbeat. Feel each time it goes up and down..okay?” She murmured.
He nodded slightly, trying to count the amount of times he felt a thump on his hand.
After a few minutes and sweet whispers from Ashlyn he was calm. He took a deep breath and looked up at her, she was crying now too. But her eyes showed so much more than just pain. There was a happiness and sense of gratefulness tucked in there.
“You okay..?” She whispered, moving closer to pull him into another hug. He nodded into her shoulder, freeing his hand from her’s and wrapping it around her back. He couldn’t tell if this was the tightest hug he’s ever given someone.
“You’re so amazing Aiden.” She murmured, “I’m so proud of you and everything you do. If you’re okay with it, why don’t you stay at my place? I’ll make sure everything is okay and you get sleep, I’ll be there if you need anything.” She mumbled again, threading her fingers through his hair.
He nodded, his eyes squeezing shut. “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”
It wouldn’t take the monster away, or the pain. It wouldn’t take the suffering away at all, or the thoughts that plagued his mind, but now he had told someone. Someone who would be with him. Someone who would stay by his side with him even if it meant suffering.
He hugged her tighter, trying to avoid the outside world for a few more minutes.
“I love you Ash.”
He felt a hand make its way to rest on the back of his neck, “I love you too, Aiden.”