Chapter Text
Andrew lies on the bed, propped up against the wall, and opens Grindr on his phone. He has had a long day of meetings with producers, writers and other people for his new project. He’s looking forward to working on that, but it has been a stressful day. So when he came back to his hotel room he just wanted a drink to wind down and a hookup if he could find someone willing. Now he is on his second beer and scrolls through single men near his location .
His Grindr profile is anonymous, of course, but a lot of guys don't show their faces, so it's not really an obstacle. He scrolls through a few profiles and klicks on one that looks interesting. Turns out the guy has a whole list of kinks in his profile and is not interested in vanilla sex. Andrew is even into some of the things on the list but he’s always a bit more careful on anonymous dating apps when it comes to those things. And anyway, that’s not what he wants tonight. Just as he navigates to the home screen again, a new message pops up.
michael96: "your arms are so hot. Would love to feel them up🔥"
He clicks on the profile. The man is 29, 180cm, single and searching for casual sex. He's also not interested in penetration, which isn't something Andrew minds. The guy doesn't have pictures of his face, but shows off his nicely built chest and upper arms. And apparently he's only a few blocks away.
Andrew types out a quick message.
a.: "you're one to talk. i bet your thighs would look good around me"
michael96: "we can arrange that if you're free tonight"
After a bit more back and forth, the other guy sends Andrew his address and they arrange to meet in an hour. He showers, shaves and styles his hair in a deliberately mussed look. He puts on his nice aftershave and wears tight blue jeans and a sleeveless top which shows off his arms.
Then he gets lube, flavored and normal condoms, his keys, phone and jacket. He considers getting a taxi but he’s still early and it’s nice outside so he decides to walk. While making his way through the streets of New York, he plugs in his earphones and opens his text thread with Paul. His friend had sent him a voice message earlier in the day he hasn’t gotten around to listening to yet.
Hey Drew, how’s it going? Hope your meetings are going well. I have a proposition for tomorrow. My sister found out this indie band I like plays a concert in a club in NY, it’s called - eh - wait let me look it up - okay, it’s called Mosh and it’s not that far from my hotel, so yeah. Damn, I forgot what I said before. I’ll start again. Sorry. My sister has organized 2 tickets in my name for the concert tomorrow night, so what do you think about going there together instead of dinner? Or after dinner if you’re free earlier. It’s at 8pm I think. The concert I mean. Alright, let me know. Can’t wait to see you.
Andrew grins at the chaotic voice note and unlocks his phone to shoot Paul a quick message. Of course he wants to go to the concert. Although he will have to change or cancel the dinner reservation he made. It’s not that late yet, so he calls the restaurant. A few minutes later he sends another text, informing Paul he changed the reservation to 6pm. The Korean place he picked isn’t far from the club, so they should have enough time.
When he looks up from his phone again, he sees the hotel his date is supposedly staying in on the other side of the street. So he pockets his phone and makes his way over there. It’s a fancy one, similar to the one he is staying in. He goes to the reception and tells the person the room number the guy gave him and the name he told him. The receptionist calls the room and, after it is confirmed he is expected, points him in the right direction.
In the elevator Andrew checks his look in the mirror. He’s not nervous, exactly, he’s done this more times than he can count, but he feels a certain restlessness.
The elevator doors open and he steps out and makes his way to the correct room.
Andrew knocks on the door. He only has to wait a few seconds before it opens. He knows the man in the doorway, but he didn’t expect to see him here.
"Uh", Paul says, just as stunned as him.
"What are you doing here?", Andrew blurts out.
"I'm..." He starts but stops again, shaking his head as if to clear it. “This is my hotel room?” he continues but it sounds like a question. That does of course make sense, but Andrew still can’t wrap his head around the situation.
“This is… I think I got the wrong room?” He looks at the number again - it’s the correct one - and then around in the small corridor, as if the right room might appear miraculously. When he turns back to Paul, his friend looks embarrassed.
“I don’t think you’re at the wrong door, Andrew.”
“Okay, but -”
“Can you come in for a second? Please?” Paul checks the corridor left and right nervously and Andrew senses this conversation might be headed in a direction not suited for public spaces so he steps into the hotel room. The space is uncharacteristically neat, like Paul expects a visitor he wants to impress. Andrew turns around to where Paul is still standing in front of the, now closed, door.
“So?”, he asks and he can see how Paul steels himself.
"Okay, so this is super awkward but I don’t think we can pretend it didn’t happen, so", he takes a deep breath. "I think I’m your grindr hookup… Andy?"
Andrew cringes at the name. He hates that nickname. Which is why no one uses it for him. That’s why he gives it to hookups if he has to give a name. And it’s the name he gave his Grindr date tonight.
“Shit”, he says and runs a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, shit indeed”, Paul echos.
“Well, this is pretty awkward.”
Paul snorts at that and the sound makes Andrew look up. He hadn’t realised he had been avoiding Paul's gaze before. But now their eyes meet and they just stare at each other for a second. Then Paul bursts into laughter and the tension finally breaks. Andrew joins in after a moment. He doesn’t know what else to do with the situation. And it’s good to laugh with Paul, even if it’s about their own embarrassment. He looks good like this, cheeks pink and his white t-shirt ridden up a little, revealing a slice of skin. Their laughter dies down to the occasional chuckle after some time. They are still standing in the middle of the hotel room. Andrew doesn’t want it to get awkward again.
“Okay, what now?”, he asks. It’s a genuine question. He wants Paul to take the lead in how to proceed in this situation. It feels like the right thing to do.
Paul shrugs. “Want to get high together?”
It might not be the best idea right now, but Andrew agrees anyway.
He sits down on the couch and watches Paul while he gets his stuff. Then Paul sits next to him and proceeds to roll a joint. Andrew has seen him do that several times over the course of their friendship. He always loves to watch Paul’s big, strong hands while he does it. It’s very pleasing in a way that is not quite sexual but also isn’t not sexual.
“So, I didn’t know I needed to keep an eye out for you on Grindr”, Andrew says into the silence they’ve fallen into. Paul’s hands falter slightly while he grinds the weed.
"Yeah, well, I guess I decided to explore my attraction to men”, he answers, eyes glued to the task in front of him. That is great news, but it is news to Andrew.
“So… when did you start to hook up with guys?” Suddenly something occurs to him. “This isn’t your first Grindr hookup, is it?”
Paul laughs softly. “No, it isn’t.” He opens the grinder and starts to spread out the weed on the paper. “”I started a few months ago. I don’t do anything back home in Ireland, but when I’m somewhere else ....” He bites his lower lip. It’s a nervous habit Andrew recognizes by now. It reminds him that he is very much attracted to Paul, and has been since they filmed All of us Strangers. “Sorry I didn’t tell you before.”
“You don’t have to apologise. I’m just surprised, is all.”
They are quiet while Paul finishes rolling the joint. When he's done, he walks over to the window, joint between his lips. Andrew follows him and opens the window. Paul lights the joint and takes the first hit, then hands it over. They pass the joint between them. Andrew isn’t sure if it’s the familiarity between them or the weed, but he finally is able to relax a little.
“So”, Andrew says, “How is exploring your bisexuality going so far?”
“Well, sadly it seems like there will be no exploring going on tonight”, Paul says, grinning cheekily. Andrew huffs out a laugh but doesn’t respond otherwise. “No, actually, it’s been going great. I’m definitely very bisexual, I can tell you that. Most of my partners have been great, so…”
“Some weren’t?”
“Yeah, nothing to worry about, though. Just guys being egotistical. They wanted to get off and didn't care if I did, too.”
“Mhm, that happens. Still shitty, though. But no one hurt you, right? Or recognized you and threatened to use it against you?” Andrew has to make sure it’s nothing serious. Hooking up with men has never been, and maybe never will be, a safe thing to do.
“No, no, nothing like that. First I only shagged guys in shady clubs in the dark, you know. And then only in my hotel room, where I could dim the light so I wouldn’t be so recognizable. If something gets out, I will deal with it. I don’t want to hide even more than I already do to have some privacy.”
“That’s brave of you”
“Nah, I don’t know. I mean - wait, did someone do stuff like that to you? Threaten to out you, I mean?” Andrew can see from the corner of his eye that Paul is frowning at him.
“I...yes” Andrew shruggs. “But I was already out at the time, so it wasn’t very effective.”
“Uhm, what?”
“I guess I’m well known enough to be recognized for my roles, but I’m not popular enough that there is a lot of talk about my personal life most of the time. So, some people just don’t realise I’m out.”
“That would actually be funny if it wasn’t so shitty. And to be fair, you also don’t discuss your personal life in interviews. Like, at all.”
“Yeah, well … that’s why I actually sometimes prefer guys who are also in the industry. They understand the importance for privacy. And a lot of the time, they need discretion more than me. Hell, that makes me sound awful.” He snatches the joint from Paul's fingers and takes a long drag.
“Nah, I think I get it.” Suddenly, Paul smirks. “Does that mean you have blackmail material on hollywood stars?”
Andrew let out a surprised laugh, coughing on the smoke he had been holding in his lungs.
“I mean… kind of? It’s mostly people who are known as gay in the industry, but aren’t out to the public. You certainly met a few of them.”
“Is it… Don’t tell me it’s Hugh. Wait, no, please tell me” That makes Andrew laugh. For a second, he considers not saying anything, letting Paul reach his own conclusions. It would certainly be fun. But then he shakes his head.
“No, not Hugh.”
“Man, that’s disappointing”, Paul grins and boxes his shoulder lightly. “Who, then? Someone I worked with?”
“Yeah” The confirmation slips out before he can rethink it. In the silence that follows he can almost hear the gears in Paul's head turning. There is probably more than one man Paul could think of who Andrew slept with, but he knows which one is the obvious answer. It doesn’t take long.
“Oh. Oh. That makes sense, actually. It’s Pedro, isn’t it.”
It isn’t even asked as a question, so Andrew doesn’t bother denying it.
“No way. You fucked Pedro. And you didn't tell me. I want all the details. Please. He is hot.” That is certainly true. “Is he good in bed? I bet he talks you through it.”
“He does what.” He looks at Paul, feeling exasperated and amused at the same time. Paul is definitely high, sloughing in the window frame and stupidly grinning at Andrew.
“You know. Talking you through your orgasm. Telling you how good you are and stuff.” Andrew can’t hold in the snort that escapes him. Because Paul is not wrong but he won’t tell him that.
“Okay, nope, that’s it. No locker room talk here.”
“Oh, come ooon”
“Nope. No way. I will not share details about the sex I had with people you know. Not happening.”
“And if I don’t know them? I wanna hear about your experiences.” Paul curls his hand around Andrew's wrist and looks at him with his puppy dog eyes. Andrew suppresses a chuckle.
“Alright. But no more smoking. And let's sit down somewhere, yeah?” Andrew stabs out the joint while Paul already walks away from the window. When he turns around to face Paul, he is lying on his back on the bed, looking at Andrew.
“C’mere”, he says and pats the space beside him. Andrew knows it is a really bad idea, but he can’t find it in himself to care enough to refuse Paul anything. So he lies down on the bed next to Paul.
“So what do you want to know?”
“Hm?”
“About my experiences.”
“Oh, right” Paul turns his head to stare at the ceiling. “Did you ever hook up with someone at one of the big industry events - an award show or something?”
Andrew bites his lip.
“Not during the event, no.”
“Did you ever think about it?”
“A lot of people probably have thought about it, right?”
“Hm, as a fantasy or something probably. But I mean, have you ever been there with someone or met someone there and been like: “ I want to shag them in the bathroom right now.””
Andrew laughs, but it’s more a release of nervous energy than anything else. He considers lying, but he doesn’t really want to lie to Paul.
“Yeah. Have you?”
“Mhm.”
“Really? Who?”
“Ah, one was Phoebe”
“Aw, that’s sweet. And did you do anything about it?”
When Paul doesn’t answer Andrew looks over at him. Paul is biting his lip and his face is a bit red again.
“Oh, Pauli, you did, didn’t you?”
Paul shrugs, but Andrew can see he is biting back a bashful grin.
“It was at the after party we went to. We snuck into the bathroom and…you know.”
“Did you fuck her against the stall?”
Paul huffs out a laugh. “I did, yeah.” He doesn’t elaborate but his gaze is unfocused, like he is remembering. He shifts on the bed, adjusting his position and Andrew wonders if he is getting turned on by the memory. Andrew himself can’t help the images that flood his mind. Paul, fully dressed, fucking into his girlfriend, her skirt hiked up. Maybe he would bite her shoulder to muffle his noises.
“Did you ever have sex in a public space?” Paul’s question startles him out of his fantasies. He needs a moment to collect his thoughts.
“I did trade handjobs in gay bars when I was younger. Otherwise, I've had some fun at friend’s houses during parties and stuff, but never more public than that.”
“Did you ever get caught?”
“Yes, I did” Andrew chuckles at the memory. “We were at a friend’s birthday party, me and Stephen, and we hadn’t had much time together for some time because of our schedules. I was horny and a little drunk and he was indulging me; he always did.” He smiles, still fond of the little memories, even years after the separation. “So we snuck to the bathroom. And I was on my knees, blowing him, and I remember he was getting close, …” Andrew could always tell because Stephen's gentle grip on his hair would tighten and he would thrust his hips just the tiniest bit, like he couldn’t keep still anymore. God, now he is getting turned on. He clears his throat. “But well, apparently we forgot to lock the door, because one of the other guests stormed in, interrupting us.”
Andrew expects Paul to laugh at the anecdote. He doesn’t. Instead he looks at Andrew with wide eyes, lips parted and cheeks red. Fuck.
“Paul…” He knows he sounds pleading. Paul swallows heavily.
“Do you remember the BAFTAs last year?” Andrew nods, even though it isn’t a real question. “You were in that red suit and I wanted to suck you off so bad. Fuck. I almost couldn’t think about anything else. I just wanted to grab you by the arm and tug you into the next bathroom…” Jesus.
“I would have let you.”
“Andrew…”
“I’m serious. You asked me earlier if I ever wanted to shag someone at an award show. That night I did. I wanted you so bad, you don’t even know."
“‘Drew…” Suddenly, Paul's hand is on his cheek, his thumb stroking Andrew’s bottom lip. Their faces are so close.
“Please?” Paul sounds breathless and Andrew nods without a second thought. When they finally kiss it’s hot and open-mouthed. Paul moans into it.
They kiss for a bit, hands exploring, pressing their bodies against each other. Paul’s hand wanders to the front of Andrews jeans, stopping there, fiddling with the button.
“Can I?”, he asks, voice rough. Suddenly the reality of the situation crashes over Andrew. He grabs Pauls hand, stopping him.
“Wait.” He stops, trying to catch his breath. “We shouldn’t.”
“Okay. Sorry.”
“Don’t. Don’t apologize. I want to. I really, really do.” He smiles at Paul, hoping to reassure him. “But we`re both high and you’re too important to me to risk potentially fucking up our friendship just because we didn’t talk about this beforehand even though we probably should have.” He squeezes Paul’s hand that he hasn't dropped yet. “If you still want to, we talk tomorrow, okay?”
Paul flops onto his back, free arm thrown over his eyes. But he squeezes back and his mumbled “Okay” sounds genuine.
They lie on the bed, breathing together and Andrew feels himself sober up. After a while, he detangles their hands. Paul looks over at him, questioning.
“I should probably go. I've got some work to do tomorrow.”
“Will you be okay getting home? I can get you a taxi.” Andrew laughs and pats Paul on the chest.
“I’m literally two blocks away from you. I’ll be fine” He stands up and straightens his clothes. “Oh, did you read my message? I changed the reservation so we can go to the concert after.”
“That’s great.” Paul grins at him and also gets up from the bed.
“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”
Paul nods and pulls him into a tight hug. “See you."