Chapter Text
Penelope couldn’t remember the last time she used a vacation day for something other than a dentist appointment or babysitting her niece when her sister Phillipa found herself in a bind (which happened more often than it should for a 28-year-old married woman).
She had long maxed out the number of vacation days the publishing house—where she worked as an assistant editor—allowed her to accrue. In fact, during her previous three weekly check-in meetings with her boss, she was strongly encouraged to focus on ‘self care.’
“You're no good to me if you're running on fumes,” she was instructed.
Penelope was an intelligent woman who could easily identify the subtext. Her boss might as well have just said, “Your work sucks. Take a break or you're sacked.”
So Penelope, who never traveled anywhere besides Ireland to visit cousins, began giving some real thought to the type of vacation she might enjoy. The South of France? Too close, and it seemed rather romantic for a solo trip. New York? Too hectic, she decided. If she was going to leave London, it needed to be relaxing. New Zealand? Gorgeous, but too far away. She only planned to be gone seven days. Plus, New Zealand was a dream trip that she and her best friend Eloise talked about taking together for years.
In the end, Penelope decided that an ocean-front room on a Caribbean island would do just the trick. She intended to spend most of her vacation working on the half-finished novel she started writing more than two years ago. She foolishly thought getting a job at a publishing house would help her accomplish her ultimate goal of becoming a published author. All it really did, however, was force her to read an endless parade of terrible manuscripts and open her eyes to the stupid politics behind what catapulted a book to best-seller status. In fact, her job had really started to deter her from the industry altogether. But thankfully, it could never destroy her love of writing.
Perhaps some time alone to regroup and reset would inspire her to finish her book. That’s what she longed for, anyway.
It took Penelope two weeks to decide on a destination. She bounced back and forth between Jamaica and the Dominican Republic, never quite able to make up her mind. But then, she started seeing advertisements for a resort in Puerto Rico, nestled between the foothills of the El Yunque rainforest and the vast, turquoise waters of the Atlantic Ocean. She gave in to the algorithm and clicked on the ad, and instantly knew that this was where she wanted to go.
Penelope booked an oceanfront room without a second thought, intending to spend every day writing on the balcony while listening to the crashing waves. She found a relatively inexpensive flight to San Juan, with a connection through Atlanta, and for the first time in her life, she was actually looking forward to disconnecting from work and spending some quality time with herself.
That was until Penelope found herself at the pub with Eloise, El’s fiancé Phillip, and Eloise’s older brother Colin just three days before Penelope was set to leave.
As the group tossed back a few pints, Penelope told them all about her upcoming solo Caribbean adventure when an unusually quiet Colin piped up and said, “Let me come with you."
Penelope's eyes widened instantly, and she took a large gulp of beer in a poor attempt to disguise her shock.
Eloise slapped the back of Colin's head. “What the fuck is wrong with you? She was just telling us how excited she was to go alone.”
That was true, Penelope mused, but it happened to be a little white lie that she was trying to force herself to believe. Who really wanted to travel alone? Especially to a gorgeous island in the middle of the Caribbean.
“Also, Colin, what has bloody gotten into you?” Eloise continued. “You can't just invite yourself to join someone on vacation. Mother would be appalled with your manners.”
Penelope set her pint glass on the table and wiped a dribble of beer from her chin. She remained sitting in stunned silence as Eloise continued scolding her brother.
“Besides, wasn't it just three months ago that you went on this whole diatribe about wanting to travel less, stay closer to home, and find a real job?”
“I know, it's just,” Colin looked down at the floor before running a hand through his loose curls and continuing, “I could use a break. This whole job thing isn't working out like I planned.” His voice was solemn and the tips of his ears turned a rosy shade of pink from embarrassment. “Nobody wants to hire someone who spent nearly a decade doing fuckall around the globe thanks to his generous trust fund.”
Penelope's heart sank as she looked at him. He had seemed off ever since his return to London. His dark blue eyes, usually sparkling with wonder and excitement, were dull and lifeless. She frowned. This was not the typical attitude of the Colin that she knew so well.
He was clearly in a dark place, and Penelope would do anything to help him find his spark again. He was her oldest friend - she met him days before meeting Eloise - and it pained her to see him so down on himself.
Perhaps some dedicated friend time was just what was needed to lift his spirits and boost his confidence. Sure, maybe he didn't have the best resume, but he was personable and kind, and brilliant , and any company would be lucky to have him on their payroll.
“I'd love for you to join me, Colin.”
“Really?” His voice rose with a hopeful lilt, and a grateful smile washed over his face. “I hate to impose, but I've never been to Puerto Rico. I'll leave you alone to do all the writing you want, I promise!”
“Truly, you're not an imposition. Some company would be nice.”
“Are you quite serious?” Eloise exclaimed in disbelief. “What If I wanted to go with you?”
“Well, you should have invited yourself, then, like I so rudely did,” Colin mocked.
Penelope wanted to laugh at Colin's biting response, but didn't want to suffer the wrath of Eloise. “El, you're going to Phil's conference in Salzburg next week. That's the only reason I decided to go alone in the first place.”
“I would have picked you over a botany conference any day.”
“Hey now,” Phillip said, feigning offense.
“Kidding, Phil. I am excited to go to Austria.” Eloise put her hand over Phillip's for emphasis. “We're going to have a grand old time hunting for edelweiss, and Pen…well, Pen's gonna be stuck with Colin.”
Stuck with Colin. Eloise’s words played on repeat in Penelope’s mind as she lay in bed that night, trying desperately to drift off to sleep but failing miserably.
Penelope tried to imagine a world where she would ever feel stuck with Colin . It didn't exist. It couldn't. Colin meant everything to her.
Colin had always been the one person that she felt like she could be completely herself around. Even with Eloise, Penelope always felt like she had to conceal a tiny bit of her soul. The part of herself that longed for love, the part that dreamed about having a family, and the part that would do anything to find it. Eloise’s stance on relationships had softened considerably in the past year since she met Phillip, but there was still something holding Penelope back from sharing all of her hopes and dreams with her best friend.
Eloise had no idea that those hopes and dreams had long included her brother Colin. Penelope had a crush from the moment she laid eyes on him, and her feelings only deepened as she uncovered his personality. He was utterly charming and had a biting wit, but beneath the surface he was sensitive, kind, and surprisingly insecure. He always put the happiness of others before his own, and those beautiful traits were often what caused him the most pain.
Throughout the years, Penelope had done an impeccable job of compartmentalizing her feelings for Colin. He was three years older than her, enough of an age gap that during their teenage years anything other than friendship would have been deemed inappropriate. So, she buddied up to him, nurturing their mutual love of movies, books, and popular culture. Sometimes, they would even discuss interests that they didn’t share. Colin would happily listen to Penelope explain the language of flowers during the Victorian era while she made correlating bookmarks out of dried petals. And Penelope cherished listening to Colin wax poetic about all of the far-off destinations planned to visit some day. So, though he would never be her date to the winter formal, her first kiss, or the first boy she introduced to her mother, she could live with that. She knew Colin's secrets and his hopes and dreams for the future. She had his mind. And that was the best part of him.
But then Colin left for uni, and she no longer had that either. Colin was immediately consumed by the excitement of being away from home for the first time—the freedom, the parties, the women —and he no longer had time for the silly girl who could sum up her feelings on the matter with a bouquet of yellow carnations (rejection and disappointment).
Penelope barely heard from Colin the first two years he was away. In the beginning, she’d email him almost daily. It was pathetic and she knew it, but she missed her friend. At best, he’d answer a message every few weeks with just a few short sentences. Things are great! Having the time of my life. Miss your jokes!
Eventually, she gave up on email and tried connecting with him through social media. She hated it though, just hated scrolling through pictures of him looking totally pissed with some tart hanging off his arm. Occasionally she’d send him a DM, referencing a recent movie she saw or an old inside joke between them and if he answered, it usually came around 3 a.m. and ended with Pennnnnnnn. I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!
She never replied to those. Eventually she stopped sending messages altogether.
It came as no surprise when Colin admitted to his family one Christmas that he wasn’t returning to uni. It was obvious that he wasn’t dedicating any time to his studies and cared more about partying than academics. Penelope never felt such disappointment. Colin was the smartest person she knew, and he had so much potential to do great things. Watching him throw away this opportunity broke her heart. She, on the other hand, couldn’t wait to go to uni, to exchange ideas with people who thought like her, to be challenged by the ones who didn’t, and to immerse herself in higher learning. Considering her family’s financial situation, she’d have to scrape together every pound to get there, and here was Colin, tossing the opportunity straight into the bin.
It started with a backpacking trip through the Alps. Then it turned into a summer on a fishing boat in Santorini. Soon it was weekends in the Italian Riviera, trips to Tulum, invites to fancy resorts in Thailand.
It was odd, and it wasn’t Colin.
But Penelope didn’t have much time to worry about it. By this time she was deeply entrenched in her studies at University College London, an opportunity made possible only through a combination of scholarships, loans, and work study. Between her coursework, job in the campus library, and a second job as a barista on the weekends, she barely had time to think about Colin.
Except for when she did. Late at night when her brain was still racing from the stress of the day, she’d seek solace looking at his handsome face on her phone. She’d scroll though his grid, staring at pictures she viewed thousands of times before. She’d watch every story, mostly gorgeous vistas from the balcony of his latest resort or videos of his friends taking shots and dancing in the clubs. Everything he posted was so superficial and meaningless. But it was something.
Time marched on. Penelope graduated with honors and shortly thereafter began working at the publishing house. Determined to move on from the idea of Colin, Penelope dabbled in a few dating apps. There were a couple of guys that she dated for a few months, but it was mostly a bust. There was never any spark, never any passion. Nobody could even feign interest in learning about the language of flowers. Eventually, she deleted the apps altogether and just buried herself in work, because nobody compared to the memory of him.
It became obvious, meanwhile, that Colin was starting to tire of his carefree, party-boy lifestyle. He started posting less about tourist hot spots and more about the books he was reading. There were fewer videos filmed in night clubs and more videos of him chatting up local shop owners. He began posting content highlighting what it was really like to live in these destinations, instead of showing off the luxuries that his usual jet-set crowd thrived on.
Finally, there was some depth to his travels.
Penelope found herself starting to engage again, quick to like the photos Colin posted of everyday people—a fishmonger tossing a fresh catch to his partner, a group of children racing their bicycles down a narrow, cobblestone street, a mother making her daughter a flower crown in the park. His photography was beautiful, and Penelope hoped Colin continued down this path.
It didn’t take long for her likes to evolve into direct messages. Penelope complimented him on a particularly stunning photo of an elderly woman lighting a candle at the Duomo di Siena in Italy. There was no waiting until the middle of the night for a response this time. Almost immediately, he replied how much it meant to him that she liked it and how happy he was to hear from her.
They began sending messages back and forth like nothing had ever changed, and Penelope was ecstatic to have her friend back. Some days, his messages were the only thing that got her through the work day. They resumed their discussions of books, movies, popular culture, and whatever other nonsense popped into their brains as if no time had passed at all.
And then, about three months ago, Colin told her that he was coming home. He’d grown weary of life on the road, he said. He started to realize that he didn’t even like the people he was hanging around with. He missed his family. He missed her .
Much to his mother’s delight, at 28 years old, Colin moved back into his childhood bedroom. He was determined to put down roots—find a job, secure a flat of his own, and build a life in London.
Now, 12 short weeks later, Colin was already disillusioned by his job search and desperate to leave home yet again.
At least this time, he was leaving with her.
“Here, Pen, let me help you with that!” Colin offered as he grabbed the carryon she had hoisted above her head, placing it into the overhead bin for her. Penelope then felt his hand on the small of her back, pressing lightly to guide her into the row. “You take the window seat.”
“Are you sure? You’ve already upgraded me to first class. That’s more than enough.”
“Pen, how many times have you flown over the ocean?”
“None,” she admitted, slightly embarrassed by her lack of worldliness.
“Exactly. Take it. Nothing beats the feeling of spotting the coast after hours of gazing down on the water.”
Penelope wanted to argue more—honestly she wasn’t quite sure she really wanted to look down at the sea below her—but the man behind them abruptly cleared his throat in a not-so-subtle attempt to tell her to sit down already. So, she filed into the row, quickly making herself comfortable in the roomy, leather seat. Colin settled in next to her, heaving a pleased sigh.
“Seriously, Colin,” she began, “thank you again for the upgrade. It would have been torture in the middle seat back there, knowing you were up here in the lap of luxury.”
“Business class on Delta is hardly the lap of luxury, Pen,” Colin chided.
“Well, it is to me. So just accept my thanks.”
“You’re welcome. It’s the least I could do for crashing your vacation.”
Penelope sighed. They had been having this conversation ad nauseam ever since that night Colin asked if he could tag along. “You are not crashing my vacation. I want you to come. I don’t know how many more times I need to tell you that.”
“I know, but,” he paused. “Do you really want a brother-type hanging around? What if you meet some hot Salsa instructor and you want to bring him back to the room, and then you remember I’m there?”
Brother-type. Right.
Penelope sighed heavily. “That would never happen. I’ve never met a random guy and invited him back to my place. I certainly don’t intend on starting now.”
“Mmm, well anything can happen on vacation, Pen.”
And with that, Colin winked at her, slid his headphones over his ears, and fell fast asleep.
Fifteen hours later they were making their final descent into San Juan. The day had been tortuously long, especially for someone who wasn’t accustomed to air travel. Penelope didn’t understand how she could feel so tired when she spent the entire day doing nothing but sitting. And although it was completely unnecessary, she was grateful to Colin for upgrading her seat. She never would have survived 15 hours sandwiched between two strangers.
The first flight was uneventful, so much so that Penelope found herself completely bored. She hoped that she and Colin would spend the flight chatting and playing some of the travel games she packed in her bag. Instead, he slept for nearly 7 hours while Penelope oscillated between reading a book, listening to podcasts, and staring out the window. When Colin finally did wake up, he gave her a sleepy smile and immediately engrossed himself in a movie.
She tried not to take it personally, reminding herself that Colin probably had a routine when he traveled.
During the two-hour layover in Atlanta, Colin started to act more like himself. They grabbed some burgers and then cozied up to a wine bar. As they headed to their gate for the second flight, Penelope wasn’t certain that sharing a bottle had been such a good idea. The alcohol did encourage them both to loosen up a bit, and now they were laughing and joking like Penelope had hoped they would all along. If she was a little woozy on the next flight, what did it matter?
After landing and collecting their bags from the carousel, they headed to the rental counter to get their car. Initially, Penelope had booked shuttle transportation to the resort, but Colin insisted they rented a car instead. How could you experience a country if you never leave the resort, he argued. Penelope had just shrugged. She really had no intentions of leaving her balcony, with the exception of going to the pool or the beach. Maybe she’d venture down to the spa later in the week, but it made no difference to her if Colin wanted a car to explore the areas off property, as long as she didn’t have to try to drive it.
It was closing in on midnight as they drove to the resort, the highway illuminated only by the brightness of the full moon and the handful of other cars making their way out of the city. It was too dark to truly take in the scenery, but Penelope smiled when she noticed the subtle outline of palm trees against the night sky. As they headed farther east, she could just barely make out the peaks of El Yunque. She was eager to experience the beauty of the landscape tomorrow under the warmth of the Caribbean sun.
By the time the pair finally arrived at the resort, it was close to 1 a.m. Penelope was exhausted, Colin was ravenous, and they couldn’t wait to get to their room. Colin handed the keys to the valet and the bellmen unloaded their luggage.
Penelope took a deep breath as they climbed the stairs to the doorway, overwhelmed by the beauty of the entrance. The tropical foliage was illuminated by soft lighting, and the humid, salty air overwhelmed her senses. She instantly felt relaxed.
The automatic doors opened, and Penelope gasped the moment they entered the lobby. It was gorgeous, all dark woods, white marble, and crystal chandeliers. Across the lobby was a three-story wall of windows overlooking the sea. The view was beautiful even in the middle of the night, and Penelope couldn’t wait to experience it in the morning.
After checking in and getting their room keys, they stopped by the concierge desk for a glass of welcome champagne and a resort map. Colin was also quick to ask about the best local restaurants, beaches, and tips for exploring the rainforest.
Penelope struggled to remain patient, and tugged gently on Colin’s hand. “C’mon Col, I’m tired. You can ask more questions in the morning.”
“Better listen to your lady,” the concierge urged. “I won’t be here when you wake up, but I assure you one of my colleagues will be happy to help.”
Penelope felt herself blush as Colin failed to correct the man. “It has been quite a long day. She’s tired, I’m hungry. Are any of the restaurants still open?”
“The pool bar is open until 2 and in-room dining is available 24 hours, sir.”
“Perfect. Have a good evening.”
“You, too, my friends. Welcome to Puerto Rico.”
The pair made their way to the lift and then up to the tenth, and highest, floor. When they reached their room Penelope paused slightly before opening the door. Colin noticed her hesitation and placed a comforting hand over her upper back.
“What is it, Pen?”
“I just can’t believe I’m here. I’ve never done anything like this before. Honestly, I’m a bit overwhelmed.” Penelope tapped the wristband she received at check in against the key reader, and Colin pushed the door open. She flicked on the light and gasped.
She’d never seen such a gorgeous hotel room. Most of the walls were painted a sandy beige, but the wall behind the bed was covered in a deep, teal, grasscloth wallpaper, causing the blonde wood bed frame and nightstands to pop against it. The credenza beneath the telly was painted a sea green color, and the white tile floor featured a matching sea green area rug. The curtain concealing the sliding doors had light green palm fronds against a white background.The room’s light fixtures were simple, modern globes and all of the knobs and hinges were a sleek gold finish. The whole room was beachy, chic perfection.
Penelope turned around to scope out the bathroom, stopping to squeal when she noticed the coffee bar, complete with a Nespresso machine and packets of 100% Puerto Rican coffee. She opened the door below to find a wine cooler, stocked with bottled water and complimentary champagne.
She finally popped her head in the bathroom and squealed again.
“Colin, how pretty is this shower?” she squeaked, the deep green tiles complementing the accent wall color in the main room. “And there’s two heads! I’ve never used a rainfall shower head before!”
In her excitement, Penelope left the bathroom and plowed past Colin to get to the balcony. She opened the curtain, then the sliding door, and inhaled deeply as she let the salty air seep into her lungs.
“It’s gorgeous,” she gasped, listening to and watching the whitecaps break against the black water. In the foreground, subtle lighting illuminated the walkways, pool and gardens below.
Eager to gauge Colin’s reaction, Penelope spun around to look at him. She knew it was probably nothing compared to the luxurious resorts Colin had visited in the past, but to her it was paradise, and she wanted him to share in her excitement.
She didn’t expect to find him standing in the middle of the room with a concerned look on his face.
“What is it, Colin?”
“Pen, there’s only one bed.”
“Well, yeah. When I booked it I didn’t know I’d be having a guest,” she explained.
“Yeah, but you didn’t call and ask if you could switch to a room with two queen beds?”
Penelope could feel the look of surprise washing over her face. “Well, no, I didn’t. It’s a king bed, Colin, and we’ve been friends forever. I had no idea this would be such an issue for you.” The more she spoke, the more agitated she became. Was the idea of sharing a bed with her really so horrible?
“It’s not an issue, it’s just…”
“It’s just what, Colin?”
“I just want you to be comfortable,” he replied, his voice soft.
Her heart clenched.
Thankfully there was a gentle rap at the door to interrupt the increasingly awkward conversation. Colin swept by her quickly, answered the door, and ushered the bellman into their room. The young man unloaded the luggage cart while Colin said a few things to him in Spanish. Penelope had no idea what they were saying, but the bellman laughed heartily and nodded in appreciation as Colin passed him a tip.
“Look, Pen,” Colin began, running a hand through his hair as the door closed. “You’re tired, I’m hungry. I think I’m just going to pop down to the pool bar to grab a sandwich. Unless you’re hungry, too? We could order room service.”
No, uh, you should go,” Penelope said while shaking her head furiously, doing her best to not appear as if she was still affected by his previous statement. “I just want to go to sleep.”
“Okay,” he said, his tone remaining gentle. “It’s been a long day, and I know you didn’t sleep on the plane. Get some rest. We’ll start fresh in the morning.”
“Yeah,” she replied lamely as Colin gave her a slight wave while leaving the room.
As soon as the door clicked behind him, Penelope collapsed onto the bed and let the tears flow. This wasn’t how the trip was supposed to begin. Twenty minutes ago, they were hysterically laughing at their poor attempt to sing along to Bad Bunny on the radio. Now everything was suddenly tense because of her lack of planning, and it seemed that he couldn't get away from her fast enough.
Fuck, why hadn’t she just called to get a different room?
She knew why.
The thought had crossed her mind, but she immediately ignored it. She thought maybe—just maybe—she’d get to experience the feeling of waking up in his arms one time, even if it was simply the result of one of them rolling onto the wrong side of the bed during the night.
When her tears finally dried, Penelope pulled on her pyjamas and brushed her teeth. She stood at the foot of the bed, staring and wondering for a moment which side Colin would prefer. Then she realized that she really didn’t care what Colin wanted. She knew what side she preferred, and this was her vacation. She pulled some extra pillows out of the linen closet and used them, along with a few throw pillows from the chair, to build a wall down the center of the bed.
She climbed under the covers, tucking herself as close to the edge as was comfortable. He wanted space? She’d give him space.
Penelope flicked off the light and felt another tear slide down her face. Tomorrow would be better, she assured herself. It had to be. She refused to start the trip feeling stuck with Colin.