Chapter Text
It’s Thursday in the late evening when the last few students filter out from the main school building. Some of the students chatter amongst themselves and some of them keep their heads down, focusing purely on their phones or workbooks. There are only one or two teachers around, most of them either having left already or busy tending to their own duties.
Sitting in a car parked across the street with a vantage overlooking the courtyard of the school building, Shen Yuan sits and watches all of the boys and girls wandering out for home. No one has approached him to ask who he is, accustomed to seeing his car by now. He’s sat here every afternoon to evening for months on end now.
Who else monitors these studious, hard-working children? Who protects them? Who ensures they’re taken care of, that there are no perverts lurking about to take advantage of them?
Shen Yuan isn’t impressed. He watches a boiling pot on the stove more than these so-called ‘caretakers’ watch the students!
He digs his thumb into the meat of his right hand, rubbing circles into the raised edges of the burn scar to ease a sharp ache pulsing inside. It’s a pain that never quite goes away. Cold weather exacerbates it, and he’s been sitting in his chilly car for nearly three hours.
He messily scribbles notes into his journal until finally, finally, his eyes catch on the reason he’s waiting here.
Stepping out from the school’s main doors and heading towards the front gate is a boy on the cusp of becoming a young man, like a flower whose bud is just about to bloom. He’s thin and a bit dainty for his age, with a dark head of curling hair, skin white and pristine as fresh snow, wide black eyes like a starry night, a dark red burn mark on his forehead, and with a subtle glow to him that speaks to his inner purity and strength.
It’s his Luo Binghe.
Of course he doesn’t technically belong to Shen Yuan. He is not Luo Binghe’s foster father, adoptive family, and cannot even really be called a ‘friend’. He is simply a child welfare officer who has taken a special shine towards Luo Binghe’s case and checks in on him frequently.
Looking at him is like a balm for the soul, both refreshing and calming. The ache that he always feels in his right hand settles into a dull throb that can barely even be called ‘pain’.
Luo Binghe stops at the gate and turns back, lifting his hand. The flash of a phone screen tells Shen Yuan he’s taking a photo of himself, so he checks his own phone and opens his Weibo. Luo Binghe’s already posted the selfie.
He’s smiling more broadly than usual. His hair blowing in the wind barely obscures the puckered burn scar across the middle of his forehead. Like the other students he's tucked into his winter coat and scarf. Just over his shoulder, the tip of Shen Yuan’s car is barely visible. There's no caption beyond a few ♡ emoticons.
It almost feels like Shen Yuan’s in the photo with him. He saves the photo to a folder in his gallery with a giddy grin, and puts his phone back away.
With a self-satisfied expression on his face, Luo Binghe struts through the snow towards the bus stop where a beaten-down van will take some children out on the long journey back to the countryside. His legs are long for his age, almost awkward in the midst of a growth spurt, where the rest of his body has yet to catch up and fill in. The slender slopes of his calves can be seen under the too tight pants.
Shen Yuan’s hand clenches uncontrollably around the steering wheel. A strange sensation swirls in his gut at the sight of Luo Binghe’s legs.
He swallows past a lump caught in his throat.
He angrily scribbles down a note about Luo Binghe’s foster family not buying him new winter clothes to keep up with his last growth spurt. It’s almost indecent. If Luo Binghe wears clothing like that, what kind of attention will he invite? He’s at the age now where he’ll likely start being curious about girls, but that doesn’t mean he should go about dressing like that. Once he gets home, he’ll file an official complaint to Luo Binghe’s assigned welfare officer.
Luo Binghe walks to the bus stop just down the road and waits with a few other youths, varying in ages from young children to teenagers a bit older than Luo Binghe himself. In such a small town, schools like this must cater to all ages.
Shen Yuan is tempted to just drive him home, but he’s tried it before, and Luo Binghe only got bullied for being singled out.
Shen Yuan sighs. If only he really were Luo Binghe’s father or guardian. Then he could show up and collect him from school anytime he pleased. If he wanted to spoil him by taking him to get a sweet treat, or simply go on a trip, take him to see Shen Yuan’s mother and father and let him be spoiled by them too, as his father he’d be allowed to do so anytime.
But he’s still single. Without a mother in the house, Luo Binghe wouldn’t have the full loving family environment he deserves. He’s tried a few times to date, but he’d never been able to find the time to give the level of attention that most women require in between monitoring Luo Binghe and still doing his own work on top. So, it’s better to leave Luo Binghe with his foster families.
All they have to do is find the perfect one! Very simple.
… or so one would imagine. But out of the past five families, none have been satisfactory yet. It’s quite rare to have children moved away from foster homes even in cases of abuse, but Shen Yuan’s family has enough sway that he’s been allowed to pressure the child welfare office to do so anyways. A few donations here and there had been more than enough to give him some amount of leeway.
Who could have imagined having a wealthy and influential family could be so helpful!! Shen Yuan is quite happy to take advantage of it when it pleases him.
The children load into the van and it takes off slowly. Shen Yuan starts his car and follows behind at a moderate distance. The roads leading out of the main village and into the farmland beyond where Luo Binghe’s foster family resides are poorly maintained, with two deep grooves where the car’s tires sit.
There’s pull outs now and then, so cars going in the opposite direction can pass one another, all of which Shen Yuan knows intimately by now.
A few houses in, it’s Luo Binghe turn to get out. Shen Yuan stops in the pull out a few meters back. He’s far back enough he cannot make out any details on the boy’s face, but Luo Binghe stops by the side of the road, looking back towards the road.
With his lights off it should be difficult to see in, but Shen Yuan still gives a small wave. “Hi, Binghe.”
Luo Binghe waits for a minute or two and the van trundles away to deposit the next child. Even in the dark, with only the lights shining from within the house behind him to light him, Luo Binghe looks radiant. Glowing. A brilliant star in the night, or perhaps more similar to a firefly, delicate and free, waiting to be caught in a jar to be kept.
Shen Yuan’s phone snaps a quick photo but it’s blurry and grainy due to the nighttime lighting. It’s alright. When he looks at it, he’ll remember how Luo Binghe truly looked right then. He smiles fondly and then shoos Luo Binghe away quietly, speaking more to himself than anything. “Go inside now. It’s cold, and you’ll get sick.”
After another moment, Luo Binghe turns away and heads into the house, his head angled down and shoulders slumped.
The pain in his right hand slowly starts pulsing again. With the sole reason for him making the trip gone from view, Shen Yuan turns his car back and drives home.
Late in the night, Shen Yuan keys in the code to his apartment.
As the door swings open, the dim blue LEDs on the stove – one of the newest induction types, shown by research to be one of the least fire-prone – reads 12:16. It takes nearly two hours to drive back from the little countryside town and naturally he couldn’t leave until he’d seen Binghe safely tucked away inside his foster home.
He ensures the door is closed but doesn’t use the deadbolt; how will the firefighters access his apartment if he uses it?
He hangs his coat up by the door and kicks his shoes off. At the entrance is a small framed photograph of a young boy. It’s the young Luo Binghe, freshly ten, the exact same picture he’d been shown the very first time he’d ever gone to visit Binghe. He likes having that be the first thing he sees when he arrives home. He pets the frame with a gentle touch, the muscles in his right hand twinging uncomfortably.
“I saw you again today,” he says to the picture. “You’re bigger now. You look healthy.”
The little Luo Binghe looks back at him through the photo, mouth curled into a tiny smile despite being withdrawn and shy.
Shen Yuan smiles encouragingly back at the picture. “Should I come visit you?”
The photograph sits silently.
He nods to himself. It's been a month since he last actually visited the foster family home that Luo Binghe lives in. Surely, no one would complain if he went to see them again, right? He isn't technically the person assigned to Luo Binghe's case, but they have special circumstances. Luo Binghe is special. Shen Yuan needs to make sure he's healthy, that he's developing properly.
No one else cares about him as much as Shen Yuan does.
He gets a small cup of tea from his kitchenette. His apartment is fairly small, with one bedroom, a living area, and a tiny kitchenette on the side.
He hasn’t done much with the space beyond commissioning a little crawlspace that blends into the wall, originally intended to be a safe spot in case of a fire. One wouldn’t know it was there by looking, the seams blending into the wood panelling, but it’s padded with some fireproof blankets and is large enough for one person to fit inside.
Just in case, he’d told the contractors making it.
On the walls, there’s a different framed photograph of Luo Binghe every few steps. Shen Yuan gazes at each of them in turn as he walks through.
One from the newspaper about the housefire he’d been in four years back. One from his yearbook that Shen Yuan had managed to get his hands on. A few printed on high quality photo paper taken directly from Luo Binghe’s social media account. Each of them, just as precious as the last.
There’s even one that Shen Yuan himself had taken. It’s from the summer months the year previous, with Luo Binghe asleep in his backseat and haloed by the sun through the car window. He’d been transferring Luo Binghe to his current foster home. He remembers being the one to put Binghe’s seatbelt on, reaching across his thin chest to click it in, smelling his warm hair. How could he not take a photo as a memento?
With his tea in hand, he goes to the main room and sits at his desk. He takes his journal, the same he’d been working on in the car, and flips it open. It’s almost full.
The current date at the top of the page reads January 15th. He’d written some notes while in the car, commenting on the weather, on the school, on the people passing by. Now he goes back over and adds in details on how Binghe looked, how he walked, how the little flurries of snow caught in the dark whorls of his hair.
The snow loves him, clinging to him, dusting him and glittering like gems on his ink hair and pristine skin. He’d been born and abandoned in an icy river according to the records kept by his adoptive mother, a newborn baby barely surviving in the middle of the harshest winter they’d had in years. He’s a blessed winter child.
He writes about the drive back through the countryside, about the home where he’d sat and watched Luo Binghe’s foster family.
He doodles a small drawing of Luo Binghe's face. It's poorly done and doesn't resemble the real thing at all, but he finds it cute anyways because it's Binghe. He flips over the page and finds himself at the end of the current journal, surprised that he'd written that much already.
He closes the journal and turns to the bookshelf nearby, tucking it beside a few dozen like it. He's kept journals the entire time he's known Binghe. Since the day he'd met Binghe, he'd realized how lucky he is to be alive, and hadn't wanted to forget a single moment since.
At the bottom of the shelf are a few new journals still sealed in plastic wrap. He takes one and opens it up, cracking the spine. Tomorrow, it will be put to use.
It’s been too long since he’s seen Luo Binghe properly, up close, face to face. He’s happy with just watching from afar and ensuring his safety, but he’s also a bit selfish.
He and Luo Binghe have a special bond, after all.
When he sleeps, he dreams of Luo Binghe.
The next day, he makes the two hour drive back out to the countryside.
There’s more than a dozen small towns all needing child welfare officers, and smaller than a handful of officers to handle the need. But country children aren’t worth saving less than city children; they need a saviour too, and Shen Yuan is willing to be that person. That’s how he explains himself to his supervisor, at least, when he’s questioned again for constantly visiting this far away from the city.
It’s true that there are too few of them, and too many children to ensure care for, but his goals are not as pure as that. To him, so long as Luo Binghe is safe, that’s enough.
He sits at the school, watches, and drives along behind the van far enough with his lights off that no one thinks anything of him.
When the van stops and Luo Binghe gets off, he waits idly at the side of the road until Shen Yuan’s car pulls into the shoddy front yard. His entire countenance is bright and energetic, hurrying towards the car’s driver side door, bouncing in place like an excited puppy waiting for its owner to hurry up and come home to give it pets and treats.
“Yuan-ge! Yuan-ge!” Luo Binghe happily cries out, all but leaping into Shen Yuan’s arms when he gets out of the car. He wraps his arms around Shen Yuan’s middle and buries his face into Shen Yuan’s shirt, tall enough now that Luo Binghe’s face meets his chest. The assault is almost too much for his heart to take.
Too cute! Way too cute!!
He ruffles Luo Binghe’s hair and pulls out a hard candy from his pocket that he knows Luo Binghe has a soft spot for. It’s not often that he comes to see Luo Binghe after all, giving him a treat now and then shouldn’t be an issue. “For you.”
Luo Binghe’s head pops up. Then he gives a playful smile and squeezes his arms again, refusing to let go. “Feed it to me?”
Even in the darkness of the evening, Luo Binghe’s eyes sparkle like moonlit pools, sweet and innocent. Shen Yuan could never refuse a face so cute. If he’s likening Luo Binghe to an excited little puppy, refusing such a simple request would be like kicking that puppy! Evil! Pure evil!
He leans forward to see his hands behind Luo Binghe’s back, pressing them closer together. He unwraps the candy and leans back again. “Open up,” he says.
Luo Binghe’s eyes sparkle brightly and he opens his mouth, pink lips popped open. Shen Yuan pops the candy inside between his index finger and thumb, the warmth of Luo Binghe’s lips and tongue brushing against the tips of them. His fingertips are nearly caught inside as Luo Binghe shuts his lips around the candy, lashes lowering like dark fluttering wings over the arches of his cheeks, and a happy moan releasing from his throat.
An electric frisson of energy warms Shen Yuan from the crown of his head to the tips of his toes, so abrupt and powerful he’s taken aback by it.
He feels suddenly embarrassed. He grabs Luo Binghe by the shoulders and pries them apart, laughing awkwardly, eyes skittering away to the shabby little single-family home rather than the bright young man before him. “A-Ah, too sticky! Aren’t you too old to act like a child now?”
Luo Binghe pouts and makes grabby hands at him, but Shen Yuan holds firm. “Yuan-ge! I’m not that old yet…”
Shen Yuan looks at Luo Binghe's pouting lips and another shock of heat rocks through him. Some emotion he can't quite name squirms low in his gut, burning hot, and he awkwardly passes a palm over the front of his pants to adjust himself.
A man at the doorway to the home coughs. It’s the foster father, Wei Guangzuo. He’s a man in his late forties with leathery brown skin weathered by the sun, thinning hair, and tired dull black eyes. Peeking over his shoulder is his wife, equally as weathered and tired. They look like washed out ink smudges gone gray, especially when contrasted to the fresh and bright Luo Binghe beside them.
“Boy, come inside now,” Wei Guangzuo says.
Finally Luo Binghe relents and backs away. He looks like a little fairy, cheeks and nose pink from the cold air, backlit by the house’s lights in a way that softens the edges of him. Peerlessly beautiful, an untouched flower on a snowy mountain peak.
“Yuan-ge, are you coming inside?” Luo Binghe asks directly to him rather than his foster parents.
Shen Yuan opens his mouth to say of course. How could he leave this soon?
“The wife is feeling ill,” Wei Guangzuo interrupts gruffly. The wife’s eyes slide over to him, then she ducks and scurries back inside out of view. “We deeply regret it, but we must decline hosting this time. I hope Officer Shen can forgive us.”
Luo Binghe’s expression turns ugly and he gives Wei Guangzuo a bitter glare. “I’ll cook for him! I don’t want him eating her food anyways.”
“That’s enough,” Wei Guangzuo barks. His face is pinched. “Get inside. The adults will talk.”
Well. This is a bit awkward. Shen Yuan feels very fondly towards Luo Binghe eagerly asking to cook for him, but he’s never been such a disorderly child before. Talking back to his foster father so openly! Is this what’s known as ‘teenage rebellion’? Shen Yuan weeps in his heart. They grow up so fast!
Shen Yuan pats Luo Binghe’s head, catching his attention. The boy’s face is adorably red with anger, and he can’t help but laugh. “Binghe, it’s okay. I’ll see you again soon. Don’t pout so much. Take another candy, okay?” He passes Luo Binghe another hard candy which brightens his face again.
“Yuan-ge, you promise to come see me again soon?”
Shen Yuan nods and holds out his pinky. Luo Binghe entwines his and they exchange their vow with an appropriate level of seriousness. Only then does Luo Binghe go inside the house, sending the foster father a nasty look as he does.
“I hope your wife feels well soon,” Shen Yuan says politely. He doesn’t like this man that much, but his ratings in the office have been fine and he’s a hard worker, so he’s content enough with leaving Luo Binghe in his care.
For now, at least.
He turns to leave.
“Officer Shen,” Wei Guangzuo mutters behind him. Shen Yuan stops and looks back at him. Luo Binghe and the wife are not present, only Wei Guangzuo and himself. “I… Uh, I’d prefer you didn’t come back again.”
Shen Yuan stares at him. “Excuse me?”
Wei Guangzuo avoids his eyes. He stares at the ground. “Uh, Officer Lu, uh, she already comes by. And you – y’know. The kid is alright here. So you don’t need to come by anymore. Please.” Wei Guangzuo looks at him, his dark eyes wary, the lines around them pinched and tight with some sort of tension, as if he’s worried he’ll be attacked. Shen Yuan wonders what sort of expression is on his face. “I don’t want to make any problems with you, so just stay away from now on.”
Shen Yuan scoffs. He doesn’t bother answering that stupidity with any words. It would be a waste of air and time.
Shen Yuan stews in the car the entire two hour drive home, chewing on the inside of his cheek until he tastes iron.
Stay away from Binghe?
He’s the one who cares about Luo Binghe the most.
Lu Mengyun is a decent woman. He'd met her once when he'd gone to visit Luo Binghe at home on a weekend, accidentally interrupting her normal visitation to them. She'd been plain-faced and uneducated, as most of the barefoot officers out in the countryside are, but still kind enough.
But she doesn’t care like he does. Nobody does. Shen Yuan is offering up his own spare time to ensure Luo Binghe is being taken care of: fed, clothed, loved, all the things a boy as perfect as him deserves.
He isn’t the issue. That backwater hick Wei Guangzuo is the issue. That Lu Mengyun is the issue. Everyone judging him for caring so much, they’re the issue!
He pounds a fist hard enough on his steering wheel in anger that he scrapes his knuckles.
Go ahead, try and keep him away! Shen Yuan will show them exactly what he’s made of!
That night, Shen Yuan sleeps.
He dreams of the past.
In his dream – memory – it’s a dim, grey evening. Heavy storm clouds linger overhead, laden heavy and swollen, preparing to split open and drench them with a torrential weeping rain. A light drizzle escapes them, enough to make the ground slick and the air moist. It’s dreary and miserable.
Shen Yuan is seated in a car in front of a modest one story home, fit for a small family.
He’s been assigned to come here, to see how it’s done in the country. To see if he’d be willing to be paid to move there full-time and fulfill a crucially underdeveloped role. His senior, a fully sanctioned child welfare officer, has come to the country many times. They’ve been travelling all day. This is their final family to visit.
They emerge from the car together slowly, each looking at the home. Shen Yuan remembers the sensation of rain dripping down the back of his neck, how his clothes stuck to his back.
Cutting through that light drizzle is a wicked heat. A searing light. Flecks of ash and embers float through the air towards him. He blinks and the fire surges hot enough to blister the skin on his cheeks.
In reality, the home had only just begun smoking.
In this nightmare of a memory, all he can see is a bright, burning red, an inferno raging.
When inside of a nightmare, no matter how you try, no matter how you push, you cannot run. Each step sticks like within cement. His legs feel shaky and carved from stone, heavy and unbending. Yet, he still tries running towards the burning home.
Behind him, his senior tries shouting at him to stop, but within the dream the words are garbled and nonsensical.
The only thing he can hear is the roaring of fire. The only thing he can see is the white core of the inferno engulfing the small house.
Within that burning white is the picture of the young child they had been sent there to ensure the wellbeing of. It’s the very same picture he sees now, first thing when he returns home.
Luo Binghe in the photograph is a small thing. He’s far too thin, with shiny black eyes round as coins, ink black hair with curls that are equally adorable as they are messy, and skin so pale it’s nearly translucent. On his cheek is a tiny smear of dirt, or maybe a tiny bruise. His mouth is curled into a smile as delicate as a snowflake held upon the tip of a finger, ready to melt away if one were too rough.
His mother had died. His adoptive mother had died. He’d been alone and surviving off scraps won from by fighting off dogs. And still, despite it all, he smiles.
How can Shen Yuan live with himself if he allows such a precious thing to disappear from the world? Both in reality and now, here, in a nightmare, Shen Yuan moves without thinking. He rushes into the burning house without a single care for his own life.
Inside the house, Shen Yuan opens every cupboard and closet, checks under every table and bed, and cannot find Luo Binghe anywhere. The metal of the doorknobs and cabinet handles are hot and they burn deep into Shen Yuan's skin with every touch, but he can't stop no matter how much it hurts.
His hands burn and burn and burn, until the white of bone shows through black and red flesh.
But he doesn’t stop.
In reality, when this had happened, Shen Yuan had found Luo Binghe curled under a bed hyperventilating, so frightened he’d wet himself. When Shen Yuan had tugged Luo Binghe out and ran out, they’d been caught in a sudden surge of fire. Shen Yuan had tried guarding Luo Binghe, but despite his right side receiving a severe burn, Luo Binghe’s forehead had still been scarred.
In the nightmare, Shen Yuan cannot find him.
He looks frantically, knowing that every second wasted means Luo Binghe is that much closer to death.
Slowly, Shen Yuan burns to death as he searches, never finding him.
Shen Yuan wakes with a start. He’s covered in sweat. His clothing is soaked through with it all, sticking to him, scratchy against his feverish skin. The burn scar on his hand hurts so badly he thinks feverishly for a moment that when he looks down he’ll see it festering and black, but it’s the same pale pink as ever.
He knows something must be wrong. Shen Yuan isn't a very superstitious man; he tends to think people who believe horoscopes and such things to be rather silly. But this isn't a laughing matter. That dream is a premonition. Luo Binghe is in danger.
He shakily stands from bed and swallows past a bitter taste at the back of his mouth, like bile.
Shen Yuan has to save his Binghe.
The foster father is quiet when Shen Yuan comes to claim Luo Binghe. The mother cries and clings to Luo Binghe's slender frame as the father stews silently in the background. Shen Yuan unflinchingly continues packing Luo Binghe's things, finding most of his clothing and personal effects already stored in a suitcase, as if he'd never even bothered to unpack.
That’s just more proof, isn’t it? That Luo Binghe hadn’t been happy here. If he’d been truly happy, he would have eagerly stored his clothing away, unpacked his few personal belongings that he’d collected from house to house.
“Too small of clothing unsuitable for the winter months. Aggressive arguments in front of the child welfare officer, meaning an unstable environment unsuited for a growing child. Confrontational and disrespectful,” Shen Yuan rambles to himself as he tucks the last bit of Luo Binghe's clothes away and clasps the suitcase shut. “Unsafe living conditions with fire-prone lighting and oven…”
That's the worst sin of all. How had he missed all of these troubling clues until now?
The reasons that he'll present to his supervisor for the rehoming are plentiful, and there are more he could find if he bothered to look. But this is enough. He's never been denied a request to place Luo Binghe in a more suitable home yet, and this dingy little hovel of a firetrap surely wouldn't be the first.
He holds his hand out to Binghe. “Come along now.”
Luo Binghe gently extracts himself from the weeping mother and gives the parents a blank smile. He looks utterly uninterested. He gives a very perfunctory, “Bye.” Then he looks at Shen Yuan and his icy expression thaws, winter becoming spring, cheeks pink and eyes bright. His hand is still a bit smaller, and it slots perfectly in. “I'm ready, Yuan-ge.”
They leave together and don't bother looking back.
Luo Binghe sits in his passenger seat this time, not the back. He’s old enough now, and it soothes Shen Yuan to have him in the corner of his eyes at all times while driving out towards the city. When he pleases, he can turn his head and have the full view of him, ensuring he’s safe and whole.
If Shen Yuan glances over, Luo Binghe is always there to smile back at him. His face is bright, not a single line of stress or worry. He looks happier and more youthful than Shen Yuan has seen him in a long while; he would know. He watches Luo Binghe more than anyone else.
“Yuan-ge, am I going to stay with you?” Luo Binghe asks when they reach the highway and begin heading back to Shanghai.
Shen Yuan almost wants to say yes. But he can’t. Luo Binghe deserves to have a proper family, one with a mother and a father, perhaps siblings. The perfect family for Binghe is out there, Shen Yuan only needs to find it.
Rather than say no, Shen Yuan smiles and reaches a hand over to ruffle his hair. The curls are bouncy and soft under his hand, like expensive cotton, warmed from Luo Binghe’s body heat. His fingers sink in, nails rubbing lightly against Luo Binghe’s scalp. In a very cat-like action, Luo Binghe makes a small sound and arches himself up. A burst of fond warmth blooms inside of Shen Yuan’s chest.
He’s never had a cat. His er-ge had been allergic and once he’d moved out, the apartment lease hadn’t allowed for any pets. But right now, he thinks he’d love to have one.
“Tomorrow, we’ll get you to a new family, alright?” Shen Yuan says. His hand curls around the back of Luo Binghe’s skull, thumb stroking soothingly. “I’ll find a nice one, a better one. One that’s perfect for you. Your forever home.”
Luo Binghe is quiet for a moment, only the low hum of the car’s heaters audible. “Will Yuan-ge still come to visit me?”
He scoffs. “Of course.”
“Yuan-ge comes to see me to make sure I’m happy, because you're worried,” Luo Binghe says. “But what if I like it there? What if it’s a good home? Won’t you stop coming to see me because I’ll be okay and you don't have to worry anymore?”
Shen Yuan’s hands involuntarily clench; Luo Binghe makes another small noise and he realizes with a guilty jolt that he’d accidentally grabbed his hair, strands of inky black tangled up in his fist. He immediately relaxes and pets Luo Binghe’s head, making comforting sounds. “Ah, shh, shh, it’s okay. Sorry, sorry, ah, it’s okay.”
Luo Binghe, without complaint, simply leans into his palm again, looking up at him with trusting eyes. A little smile plays across his lips. “I know, Yuan-ge would never hurt me on purpose. Yuan-ge protects me. He almost died for me.” Luo Binghe sighs then, a bit unhappily. “That’s why I’m worried Yuan-ge won’t come see me anymore.”
“Of course I will,” Shen Yuan replies quickly. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a good home. If Binghe is happy, then that’s good. I also want to see you when you’re happy. I want to see you when you’re sad, too. I want to come see you all the time, no matter what.”
Luo Binghe hums in a non-committal way, as if not quite believing Shen Yuan’s words. Children can be so hard to get through to. That’s alright; Shen Yuan is willing to show him, over and over again. He’ll watch over Luo Binghe for the rest of his life.
The desk worker at the hotel looks between them a few times. She hesitates with her hand over the phone. “Um.”
Excuse me, sister, why are you looking at me as if I’m some kind of pervert? Shen Yuan thinks to himself, giving her a strained smile. It’s gotten stranger and stranger bringing Luo Binghe to a hotel as Binghe grows older, even though Shen Yuan is clearly just being a caring older brother and not one of those types.
Does he look like a pervert?! Obviously not!
She only allows them a room when Shen Yuan finally pulls out his government ID.
They go together to the room. Shen Yuan had only packed a few of his essentials with the knowledge that he’d only be staying at most a night or two, so it’s only Luo Binghe’s suitcase they bring up with them. They only need to contact the next foster family on Shen Yuan’s list of approved families in the morning to resettle. He’s very well prepared for this transition by now.
And so is Luo Binghe! He appears utterly at home as he struts into the hotel room, like a little prince.
Trailing in behind, Shen Yuan hauls in the suitcase. His heart flutters in his chest at the childish and pure way Luo Binghe flops backwards on the queen bed closest to the door, legs dangling off the bed. Even in the midst of having his life upheaved again, he still maintains that purity and internal strength that Shen Yuan adores.
Luo Binghe looks over at him, his dark hair fanned out beneath him. The dark curls are an ink spill across the bland beige comforter. “Yuan-ge, why did you get two beds?”
“You’re old enough to sleep by yourself now,” Shen Yuan laughs. “You’re a big boy. We don’t have enough room to share.”
Luo Binghe stares. “Do you just not like me anymore?”
Shen Yuan huffs a fond breath and walks over. He pets Luo Binghe’s head, smoothing the hair out of his face, and stroking the backs of his knuckles over the little scar in the centre of his forehead. “I like you,” Shen Yuan indulges.
“How much?”
“A lot. Okay? So don't pout.”
Luo Binghe's expression instantly becomes mischievous. “But Yuan-ge likes it when I pout.”
There’s no denying that. He knocks a scolding knuckle gently against Luo Binghe’s forehead instead. “Get your things ready to sleep. I’ll wash up first.”
He half-shuts the door so he can listen to Luo Binghe humming a little tune to himself as he rustles around in his suitcase. It’s a charming little habit that he’d noticed years back. He rinses his face and quickly brushes his teeth, then turns to leave the bathroom.
He stops cold in place, one hand on the door.
Beyond the half open door, in the middle of the room, Luo Binghe is half-naked. His sweater is tugged up and over his head, only obscuring his arms. He’s turned away from Shen Yuan, the curve of his back exposed. His legs are bare too, the pants and socks kicked off, long, thin, snowy white legs open for him to view.
The only thing keeping his modesty is a tiny pair of boxers, much too small and thin, almost scandalous with how little they hide. The rounded curves of his ass are nearly visible through the thin cloth. He can even see the crease of skin where Luo Binghe’s thighs join to his rear.
Luo Binghe, entirely unaware of being watched, finishes tugging off his sweater and throws it aside. Then his hands go to his boxers, fingers dipping under the band to tug them down. He bends over and begins to pull them off.
Shen Yuan shuts the door.
His pulse is hammering in his throat and his legs feel like jelly. He feels dizzy. Somehow he manages to sit himself on the edge of the bathtub and fumbles with his belt. With numb fingers he undoes the fly of his pants, and all but strips his cock the moment he gets it out. He’s already hard enough that the foreskin peeled itself back, precome pearling on the reddened head of his dick.
He tries not to think about anything. He doesn’t think about what he saw. Nothing.
He simply fists his hand over himself with nothing to smooth the way, only seeking release. It isn’t pleasant, but he’s close to begin with, and he grows closer and closer with each pass of his hand.
He’s nearly there, and then –
A knock at the door. “Yuan-ge? Are you done? Can I come in?”
His stomach swoops and his dick throbs in his hand. Had he locked the door? He doesn’t remember. His hand doesn’t stop; if anything he gets harder and can’t help but masturbate harder, so close that it hurts.
“J-Just– Just wait a minute,” he manages, his voice clearly off-kilter. “I’m almost– almost–”
Is the sound of what he’s doing audible through the door? Would Binghe understand? He’s a male too, after all. Yet the thought that Luo Binghe might overhear makes him feel jittery and hot, perhaps with shame. He thinks about Luo Binghe seeing this. Watching him.
“--almost do– nngh…! ” He bites off his words with a muted grunt, doubling over as he suddenly comes. It spatters on the floor and over his fingers, smearing across his length.
Fuck, he thinks emphatically to himself, his thighs twitching as his orgasm pulses a few times before slowly stopping. It’s the hardest he’s come in awhile.
He grabs toilet paper and mops up the mess, removing what he can from his dick, and then washes his hands and flushes the proof down the toilet. In the mirror he sees himself a bit red and flustered in appearance, but he can’t wait inside the bathroom forever.
The door swings open – it had been unlocked after all – and Luo Binghe steps aside to allow him out. He smiles awkwardly. “Ah, sorry. For the wait, I mean.”
Luo Binghe looks up at him, his lips parted around a soft exhale, and his eyes a touch wide. It makes him wonder once again if Luo Binghe had heard anything, but Luo Binghe blinks and then goes into the bathroom without raising a fuss. Afterwards, while settling into bed, neither of them say a word about what had happened.
It’s better that way. Shen Yuan doesn’t need to be a bad influence on top of everything. It’s only that he’d been a little pent up. Perhaps he doesn’t tend to his needs as often as he should.
“Goodnight, Yuan-ge,” Luo Binghe says quietly.
Shen Yuan smiles and gives him a fond look from across the room, settled in the other bed. “Goodnight, Binghe.”
In the middle of the night, Shen Yuan gets up and silently slips into the bathroom, masturbating again as Luo Binghe sleeps just outside.
The new foster home is closer to Shanghai, only an hour’s drive away.
That’s already a huge benefit in Shen Yuan’s opinion. Even better, the new school is more highly rated, and the town is big enough that there's a distinction between the age groups with two buildings rather than one big shared classroom.
Within the first month, Shen Yuan and his car become commonplace fixtures in the community, coming faithfully each day when school is in session, all so he can watch Luo Binghe grow and flourish in his new home.
Within the second month, he breaks his silent watch and shows up at the foster home, investigating for any proof of something awry. Fire hazards are removed and the fridge is critically inspected to ensure the family can keep up with the dietary needs of a growing boy. Luo Binghe happily clings to him and chatters away the whole while, so sticky and sweet he's like melting candy that Shen Yuan can hardly scrape off himself when it's time to leave.
Spring comes and passes.
Then summer comes and passes.
Another journal is filled.
Autumn’s breath has turned the trees orange and red and the breeze bitter with chill when Luo Binghe next posts something that draws Shen Yuan’s ire.
It’s on a weekend day when Shen Yuan hadn’t managed to make it out. Originally, that hadn’t bothered him too much; Luo Binghe doesn’t have school on Sundays, so he would have been simply idling about in his car staring at the house from a distance. The lack of additional schooling on the weekend had always been a complaint of his, that it hindered Luo Binghe’s future.
If he were his father, Luo Binghe would have only the best opportunities afforded to him. He’s destined for something more than being a farmer in a backwater town.
The post is seemingly innocent on the surface. It’s a selfie of Luo Binghe making a peace sign into the camera. Something about it strikes Shen Yuan as off immediately – Luo Binghe’s smile isn’t as bright as normal, his complexion a sickly pale hue, and his eyes dull as rocks rather than shining like a starry night sky. He looks strangely sad.
“What’s wrong with you, hm?” Shen Yuan murmurs, stroking the screen of his phone. He trails his fingertip down Luo Binghe’s cheek.
Then he sees it.
As Luo Binghe has his hand raised in the peace sign, his sleeve has slipped down a bit to expose his forearm. On his skin are dark smudges that could almost be mistaken as shadows being cast, but Shen Yuan knows. They’re bruises.
Once he sees them he can’t stop seeing them. He shakily uses two fingers to zoom into the picture, looking at each exposed bit of skin, searching for more.
Schoolboys are rowdy. Isn’t this the age for children to be running around roughhousing? But…
Luo Binghe had never been the type to play with other children. He would participate in sports as much as any other child would, but he’d always been subject to bullying from the other boys because all the girls liked Binghe too much. Shen Yuan had once been forced to rehome Luo Binghe after he’d been horrifically bullied in one school to the point Luo Binghe had needed medical attention.
According to the reports from the welfare officer actually assigned to Luo Binghe – reports which Shen Yuan had gotten access to thanks to a rather helpful junior in the office who has a soft spot for him – Luo Binghe hadn’t reported any bullying these days, nor had his teachers.
Wouldn’t that just leave the family as the culprit?
He’d thought this family would be good. The father works hard to earn a living and the mother has already raised a few children around Binghe’s age. They’ve always been well liked in their community and well rated by the other child welfare officers.
Shen Yuan knows better than to trust anyone’s judgement but his own by now.
If it is the family…
His stomach goes cold, as if having swallowed a fistful of ice. Shen Yuan had put him there. If anything happens to Luo Binghe – if anything has already happened – it’s Shen Yuan’s fault.
He stumbles blindly out of his apartment, grabbing only his keys and wallet, and rushes down to his car. He speeds the entire way towards the home he’d unknowingly trapped Luo Binghe inside with a growing tension building within him, heavy and ominous. A severe ache pulses in his right hand, and he fears with every moment he gets closer that he’ll see the burning red of a fire in the distance.
It’s dark out when he arrives, no sign of a fire. The house’s lights are shut off.
He pounds on the door until it’s answered by a harried looking middle aged man. He shoves his government identification at him, but it’s only as a professional courtesy. They already know Shen Yuan from his previous visits.
“What’s this about?”
“Excuse me,” he says shortly, shouldering past the other man. He isn’t that much smaller than the foster father, so it doesn’t take much to get by, especially with the man taken off-guard and mind muddled with sleep.
From his previous time in the house, he knows the way to Luo Binghe’s bedroom, a small space not much bigger than a cupboard. The light is already on and the door is swinging open as Shen Yuan approaches it, Luo Binghe looking surprised. His hair is messy with bedhead and his sleep clothes wrinkled, but once he sees Shen Yuan he perks up.
“Yuan-ge?” Luo Binghe’s voice is rough with sleep. He rubs his eyes as if not believing them.
In the background, the wife emerges from the parent’s bedroom clearly panicked. She and the husband begin speaking to one another, clearly confused and bewildered by the sudden appearance of a government worker who isn’t even assigned to them.
Ignoring them, Shen Yuan grabs Luo Binghe by the shoulder and urgently whispers, “Binghe, your picture… Are they hurting you?”
Luo Binghe looks at him and his lips quiver. It nearly looks as though he’s trying to suppress a smile, but Shen Yuan knows the truth: he’s barely stopping himself from crying. His heart can barely withstand it. He takes Binghe into a gentle hug, nestling his face into the crook of his shoulder, holding him against his chest as if he were priceless white jade.
“Yuan-ge,” Luo Binghe almost giggles, clinging onto him in return. “Yuan-ge, you really came.”
Shen Yuan pets his hair and murmurs soothingly, “It’s alright. Gege is here. I’m going to take care of you.”
“Sir, what is going on?” the foster mother asks. She turns and asks the same to the husband who responds with uncertainty.
As if they don’t know.
Shen Yuan continues to ignore them and gives Luo Binghe a calming chaste peck to his forehead, right over the scar. “Go and get changed, and pack up your things.”
They’re in the car with a message sent to his supervisor about the situation within the next five minutes.
Luo Binghe is quiet on the ride to the nearest hotel, eyes drooping with sleep, yawning cutely now and then, bundled up in a big sweater that Shen Yuan had gifted him on his birthday the winter prior. He idly plays on his phone until the battery dies. It must have not finished charging during the night before Shen Yuan woke him.
“You can use mine,” he offers without thinking. He pulls it out of his jacket pocket and hands it over.
The sleepy boy takes it and starts exploring it. There are a few gachas, a few card playing games, and other standard day-to-day social media apps. Shen Yuan can’t see what he starts poking around with as he’s driving.
They sit together in silence as Luo Binghe plays. Shen Yuan takes a peek at him out of the corner of his eye. Luo Binghe is staring fixated at the phone, scrolling through some photos. Shen Yuan has nothing to hide; all the photos he keeps on his phone are of Luo Binghe and some pictures taken with his family.
With anyone else, he’d be worried that he might seem strange because of all of those photos. But Luo Binghe and he have a special connection. It’s not strange at all.
“I’ll do better next time,” Shen Yuan says.
Luo Binghe looks up at him from the galleries of his own photographs, some taken by Shen Yuan and some selfies posted by Luo Binghe himself, all carefully sorted by year and month. They go back almost five years now. His face is pink. “... What?”
“I’ll do better next time. I’ll pick a better family. I made a mistake this time, but I know I’ll do better next time.” He’s rambling. But he just feels so guilty that he hadn’t realized sooner, even with months of close observation, even in the summer months when he’d seen Luo Binghe playing outside in tiny pairs of shorts. Despite watching him faithfully, he’d never once noticed bruises.
“Oh,” Luo Binghe says. He finally puts the phone down. “Yuan-ge, why can’t you just keep me? I don’t want to go anywhere else. I don’t like them.”
Shen Yuan frowns. He wants even more dearly than before to just say yes. To take him to Shanghai and move him into his apartment. But… Even now, he still believes having a full family unit is most important.
“You’ll like one of them eventually,” he deflects. “Besides, don’t you want a mother and father, Binghe?”
Though Luo Binghe is always extremely well-mannered with him, he gives Shen Yuan a disgruntled look. “I already had a mother. And if I want a father, I have Yuan-ge. Yuan-ge can be my father! But no one else!”
Shen Yuan laughs, surprised and flattered. “You'd get lonely only having this old man to come back to every day.”
“Yuan-ge isn't that old,” Luo Binghe mumbles dejectedly. “If Yuan-ge was older, he could've adopted me already…” He heaves a dramatic sigh and slumps against the car door. Shen Yuan sees his pouty and miserable expression reflected in the passenger window.
“If I'm not that old, then how could I be your father, hm?” Shen Yuan teases, reaching over to ruffle Luo Binghe's hair. What a cute child!
Red faced and with down-turned lips, Luo Binghe looks utterly bullied. “That doesn't matter! Yuan-ge could still be my father! Somehow!”
“Then, call me ‘baba’ instead.”
Shen Yuan doesn't expect him to, obviously. It's just a joke. He's probably only about twelve or so years older than Luo Binghe . His hair isn't greying and he's a long way from retiring, so how could anyone look at him seriously and call him their father?
But Luo Binghe ducks his head shyly and fiddles with the phone. Quietly enough he nearly misses it under the dull rumble of the car around them, Luo Binghe whispers, “... Baba…”
Shen Yuan nearly swerves the car off the road.
Somehow, they make it to the hotel in one piece. They get past the front desk worker, to their room, and settle in without issue. When he goes to prepare for sleep, Shen Yuan ensures to shut the bathroom door to keep Luo Binghe’s modesty intact, avoiding a repeat of last time. His stomach squirms uncomfortably at the memory of his transgression.
He must control himself.
They settle into bed, Luo Binghe already yawning cutely in exhaustion, and they fall asleep.
Shen Yuan is awoken after an hour to the bed dipping under the weight of another person. He blinks dazedly awake and sees Luo Binghe trying to sneak into his bed. The covers are tugged up and cool air rushes in before they’re settled back and Shen Yuan smells something sweet – Luo Binghe’s hair, he realizes. He smells like peonies and honey. Shen Yuan inhales again, his lungs warming.
Hesitantly, Luo Binghe reaches out and brushes his fingertips across Shen Yuan’s chest. “Yuan-ge?”
“What’s wrong?” Shen Yuan asks, half-slurring his words as he struggles to wake.
“I had a nightmare,” Luo Binghe whispers, wriggling closer. His cool hands slide up Shen Yuan’s chest under the sheets, tugging up his shirt just enough to expose his stomach. “Can I sleep with you?”
Abruptly, the room feels stiflingly hot and he is extremely awake. Shen Yuan swallows past a dry throat. His stomach twitches reflexively at the ticklish feeling of Luo Binghe’s palms, the way they rest lightly enough that he can barely feel them.
Luo Binghe pauses as he feels Shen Yuan grow tense. In the dark, it’s difficult to discern his expression, but Binghe somehow gives off the aura of a sad, wet kitten. “Yuan-ge, are you going to make me go back to my own bed?”
Yes. Yes, he should. He really, really should!! If Shen Yuan has an ounce of common sense he will say yes…!
“No.” His voice sounds strange, rough and strained. He clears his throat and repeats, “No, of course not. You can sleep here if you’re scared.”
Luo Binghe cuddles in close and presses a kiss to the corner of Shen Yuan’s mouth. In the dark, he must have missed his cheek. He ignores the way his already half-hard cock swells a bit more at the chaste little kiss. “Thank you, Yuan-ge.”
After a bit more rustling and squirming, Luo Binghe turns over and settles his back to Shen Yuan’s front. As Shen Yuan tends to sleep on his side with his arm outstretched, Luo Binghe has a perfect little nook to fit himself into. He rests his head on Shen Yuan’s pillow which pins the arm underneath to stop him from pulling away.
With his shirt still pushed up, Shen Yuan feels Luo Binghe’s body heat more clearly through his thin pajamas. His sweet-smelling hair is close enough that it’s all he can smell when he inhales. As if they were not close enough already, Luo Binghe boldly reaches behind him to grab Shen Yuan’s arm, and drapes it over his own waist, making Shen Yuan embrace him from behind.
Luo Binghe is still smaller than him despite how he’s been shooting up as quickly as a stalk of bamboo in the last year or so, but their height difference is much less than he's used to. The result of this new growth is that Luo Binghe’s rear rests almost directly over Shen Yuan’s groin. If he were to so much as twitch, he’d be rubbing against the curve of it.
With the two of them fully entwined together, Luo Binghe settles down, and his breathing slows.
Shen Yuan attempts to embody a statue, holding himself very still, hardly daring to breathe.
He’s so hard he can feel the tenting front of his pants nudging ever-so-slightly against the underside of Luo Binghe’s ass.
Fuck! If he moves…!
He wants to die of shame. Face burning, Shen Yuan tries and fails to not picture how nice it would feel. He remembers from the last time how small and pert Luo Binghe’s backside had looked. Wouldn’t any sane man like to fuck something as hot as that?
But he can’t! Obviously he can’t!
Luo Binghe makes a small noise in his sleep and twitches slightly. The result is that his body settles more heavily into Shen Yuan’s chest, and his backside bears down harder onto Shen Yuan’s erection.
Shen Yuan’s fragile self-control erodes as easily as sugar melts into coffee.
If he’s careful, Luo Binghe might not even wake. Perhaps he could just pass it off as a wet dream? That’s a natural thing no man can control. He just has to be quiet and slow.
With his heart thudding in his chest, he shuts his eyes and slows his breathing, faking sleep if Luo Binghe were to suddenly wake and ask what he’s doing. Slowly, slowly, slowly, he inches his hips up and forwards. His clothed cockhead rubs against the rounded curve of Luo Binghe’s ass and down to his legs pressed together. The clutch of Luo Binghe’s thighs is blisteringly hot, so much that he knows if they were naked he’d melt into him.
Edging back, only moving his waist, he begins a careful rhythm. Forwards, then back, in increments of only a few centimeters, torturous with how good it feels to rub himself against the sleeping Luo Binghe’s ass and thighs.
Inside of his pants, he’s already wet, smearing precome. He wonders dizzily if, when he comes, it will seep through the cloth – if it will soak into Luo Binghe’s pajamas. Would Luo Binghe wonder about it? Would he realize? He trusts Shen Yuan deeply; he would never imagine his adored Yuan-ge would take advantage of him like this.
He feels guilty. But it’s not so bad, is it? It isn’t hurting Binghe. He’s soundly asleep, without the slightest clue as to what’s happening. It’s not even about Binghe. That’s right. This is simply a physiological reaction.
Back, forth – back, forth – gently, barely enough to feel it.
It almost feels ticklish. It's a light scrubbing sensation, the cotton of his boxers becoming wetter and coarser to his tip as he continues his little rocking motions.
Luo Binghe moves once, curling his legs up and tucking his hands between his thighs with a gentle sigh, Shen Yuan's hand tugged down with it to rest over Luo Binghe's stomach. Shen Yuan stops breathing.
The fear of him waking makes Shen Yuan orgasm then and there.
His hips jerk a bit harder, rutting against the tight warm valley between Luo Binghe's thighs, fingers accidentally digging into the softness of Luo Binghe's belly, and he spills messily into his own pants. It's an intense rush of sensation, tension splintering, a low groan slipping past his gritted teeth, and he comes for a long few seconds. He fucks against Luo Binghe's body with each pulse until they gradually come to a stop.
Shen Yuan takes a moment to breathe, barely managing to maintain an even tempo.
Then the full weight of what he'd done settles on him, crushing, humiliating.
Luo Binghe rolls away from him with a small sound of complaint as Shen Yuan jerkily pulls himself away and rushes to the bathroom. He'd surely woken Binghe up in his panic, but he couldn't bear staying, allowing his semen to actually soak through and stain Binghe's innocence. He doesn't leave the bathroom for an hour, not until the sun starts rising and he can get them ready to leave.
After, when Shen Yuan manages to finally make himself leave the safety of the enclosed bathroom, Luo Binghe never asks what happened to make Shen Yuan flee from bed. The boy is only a little flushed, perhaps feverish due to lack of proper sleep, and is clingier than normal as Shen Yuan deposits him at his new foster family's home.
“Yes, Supervisor Yan, I’ll get it done,” Shen Yuan assures, sitting in his car watching the school’s front. Through his cell, his supervisor grumbles a bit. “I understand and I apologize. It’s just that, since last time I’ve been worried about Binghe. I’ve been a bit preoccupied.”
His case files are piling up and he hasn’t spent enough time in Shanghai to complete them. The junior with a soft spot for him isn’t able to cover everything, and now his supervisor has taken notice.
Yan Songxuan, his direct supervisor, heaves a beleaguered sigh. Shen Yuan can perfectly envision the way he must be leaned back in his chair pinching his forehead. “You aren’t still visiting that boy, are you?”
Shen Yuan isn’t sure how to answer that. Everyone in the office knows by now how attached he is to Luo Binghe, which is the exact reason why he’s been repeatedly denied official status as his child welfare officer. He can’t be biased, after all. But he visits Luo Binghe anyways and has caught abuse, starvation, and other issues before anyone else does. He’s an unlucky child, which is all the more reason Shen Yuan needs to look after him.
Is it wrong that he wants to take care of Luo Binghe? Since he’d pulled him out of the fire, Shen Yuan has been the only person truly looking out for him.
“Only sometimes,” he says, downplaying it.
Every weekday at least afternoon and evening in order to escort the schoolbus – no longer a van! – back. Sometimes mornings as well during sunny days, as they occasionally hold classes outside and he's able to catch a glimpse of Luo Binghe on days like that. But he doesn’t need to say that. He gets judged enough as it is.
“Xiao-Shen, you need to focus. Stop going out there every day. Have some faith in your coworkers, alright?”
His forehead pulses a bit with irritation. The heat isn’t helping, both of his windows rolled down to allow a breeze in. It’s not quite summer yet, but it will be soon.
What does it matter so much? So he’s been a bit distracted lately, but Luo Binghe had been being abused and no one had caught even a hint of it! What else could they be missing? If he isn’t here to watch every day, something even worse could happen. He just wishes that he could live with Luo Binghe too. Then he’d never have to worry about missing a thing.
Ahh, if only he could have convinced his parents to adopt him. Then he would’ve been Shen Yuan’s little didi, and he could have spoiled him to death every single day.
He’d really tried. He’d asked over and over. He’d even asked his oldest brother who was newly married to adopt Luo Binghe as their first child, and been rebutted at every turn. They don’t know what they’re missing out on! Luo Binghe is a hidden gem that can be polished into a sparkling pure white pearl, an angelic son, and a perfect heir. It’s their loss.
“Xiao-Shen, do you understand? I don’t want to hear that family complaining about you again.”
Shen Yuan tunes back in at that. “Again? I’ve only visited twice.”
And he’d been very patient, waiting at least a month between each visitation. Of course he’d technically gone to their home nearly three or four dozen times as he chaperoned the bus dropping Luo Binghe at home, but no one had to know about that.
“ Shen Yuan ,” Yan Songxuan groans. “Focus on your own work. I’ll give you until next week. Understand?”
Shen Yuan’s eyes catch on a boy leaving the school. It’s his Luo Binghe. His hair is a bit longer than it’s normally kept, the back of it pulled into a low ponytail to keep it off his neck in the heat. His bangs are curling in the humid evening air, some strands tucked behind his ears.
So cute. Such a handsome young man! He must be the envy of every boy in school! He makes the tracksuit uniforms used by the school look like artful, peak fashion!
Shen Yuan wonders suddenly if any girls have tried flirting with him. He’s never seen Luo Binghe change his schedule to go on any dates, nor have any girls approached him. Though, when classes are held outside in the good weather, he’s seen a few of them at times casting Luo Binghe long looks. Clearly they’re interested.
He’s at that age now. It wouldn’t be surprising if Luo Binghe has even had sex with someone.
Something stirs inside of him. It feels… bad. Almost like nausea mixed with anger.
Has anyone taught Luo Binghe about sex? How to be safe?
“Xiao-Shen?” Yan Songxuan sounds aggravated now.
“Huh? Oh, yes. Right. Next week,” Shen Yuan responds. He needs to hang up quickly, so he bows and says, “I appreciate your consistent guidance and patience despite my failings. Thank you! Goodbye!”
He hangs up and gets his car in gear to complete his nightly ritual. The thought of Luo Binghe having sex doesn’t leave his thoughts for the entire drive home.
He’s still thinking about it when he masturbates twice that night.
Shen Yuan knows what sort of person he is.
He’s a very ordinary, run-of-the-mill type of person. He isn’t very competitive; he’s perfectly content with getting tenth place in a competition, so long as there are eleven people competing. He’s the third oldest of three sons, with his elder brothers set to inherit the family company, so no one expects much from him and he has no great ambitions either. He’s had a girlfriend once before, and knows he’ll someday end up with a wife and two to three children, content with his lot in life.
He isn’t the type of person to lust after a boy he met at such a tender age. To him, Luo Binghe is like a younger brother to protect, or a son to guide and raise.
He’s not like that.
So he’d jerked himself off thinking about Luo Binghe. So he’d jerked off after seeing Luo Binghe naked. So he’d rubbed himself to completion against a sleeping Luo Binghe’s body! So what!
He’s not like that. He isn’t. Past mistakes are in the past. From now on, he will prove himself.
He begins proving it, if only to himself, by refusing to visit Luo Binghe for an extra month. If he were really that type, he wouldn’t be able to resist, right? This is iron-clad proof.
The separation lasts until the summer hits in full swing and Luo Binghe, while leaving school one evening, turns away from the bus stop. His face is pinched in what looks like anger, brows furrowed and lips downturned. He walks directly towards Shen Yuan’s car.
Shen Yuan is astonished. This is the first time Luo Binghe has ever approached him. Shen Yuan hadn’t even realized Luo Binghe knew he was there! He’d been very subtle!
He rolls down the passenger side window as Luo Binghe approaches. “Binghe…?”
Luo Binghe does not stop at the window; he reaches inside and pops up the lock, then gets in. He turns his angry expression onto Shen Yuan at full force. “Yuan-ge, why haven’t you come to visit me? Did you stop liking me? Do you not like my hair longer? Did I do something wrong?”
“What?!” Shen Yuan knows he must sound absolutely dumbfounded. “No, no, nothing like that!”
Luo Binghe is dogged. “Why haven’t you come? You always come see me at least once a month.”
Eyes flicking from side to side, he hums and haws. “No reason in particular, I just…”
He can’t admit anything about what happened last time! Luckily Luo Binghe had slept through it, keeping his transgressions private, so what can he say about it now?
Luo Binghe grabs his arm. “Yuan-ge.” There’s something raw in his face. It’s like an exposed nerve has been scratched, his expression trembling and unable to settle between anger, hurt, and something deeper than even that– truly distraught, as if a single thread away from something terrible happening.
A switch is flipped inside Shen Yuan’s brain; his embarrassment dies and his protectiveness surges. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
Luo Binghe’s eyes flick around the car. Then at Shen Yuan. There is an obviously calculated look to his eyes. His hand flexes on Shen Yuan’s bicep where he’d grabbed onto. Slowly, measuring each word, Luo Binghe says, “Something… bad happened to me, at home.”
He sits upright, iron-rod straight. Anxiety curdles in his stomach. “What? What happened?”
Abruptly, Luo Binghe can’t meet his eyes. “It’s… I’m…” He looks pathetic, like a kicked little puppy, frightened and Shen Yuan’s heart starts rushing in panic. He’s never looked like this before, not even when he’d been hospitalized by school bullies, not even when they’d been recovering in the burn unit together. “Yuan-ge… I can’t say it…”
It’s the shame that tells him. Shen Yuan can barely believe the words leaving his mouth: “Did they touch you?”
Luo Binghe looks at him then. His lips quiver, half-turned up at the corners, bravely still trying to smile through what had happened to him. And then, he nods.
-
Shen Yuan doesn’t bother informing anyone this time when he takes Luo Binghe away, blinded with anger. If he didn’t have Luo Binghe with him, he’d have been tempted to go to the foster family’s home and knock some teeth out of the bastards who’d dared touch his Binghe. He’s never thrown a punch in his life, but right now, he feels he could take down an entire army!
He drives to the closest hotel with the pedal pressed to the floor the entire way.
He’d waited just to prove to himself that he would never dare touch Luo Binghe that way, only to find out someone had gone ahead and done it before him?
Fuck!
If it was going to end up like this, shouldn’t he have just…?
He clenches his hands around the wheel and sets his jaw, erasing the end of that thought from his mind.
“Yuan-ge, are you angry at me?” Luo Binghe asks quietly.
“No,” he manages tightly. Of course he isn’t angry at Luo Binghe. He’s angry at them. He’s angry at himself. He’s angry he lost the chance to be the first–
He bites the inside of his cheek until he stops thinking.
Inside of their hotel room, they both stand awkwardly. Shen Yuan hadn’t even thought about buying two separate rooms for the night although in retrospect surely Luo Binghe would have been more comfortable that way. Somehow, even realizing it now, he doesn’t want to offer. He wants to stay there with him.
He wants Luo Binghe to crawl in bed with him again.
“Ahh…” Shen Yuan starts, then stops. He doesn't know what to say. What a failure of an older brother he is! What would his Da-ge say in a time like this?
Luo Binghe doesn't seem nearly as awkward. He stands comfortably in the hotel room facing Shen Yuan, smiling, eyes shining.
“Yuan-ge…” Luo Binghe trails off meaningfully, glancing up at him from beneath his butterfly wing-like lashes, dark and full and enticing. “... Do you want to see where they touched me?”
“.... See?” Shen Yuan repeats dumbly.
Luo Binghe shyly lowers his gaze, and toes at the hotel carpet. “Don’t you want to check if they hurt me? Don’t you think it would be better for you to examine me all over?”
Luo Binghe wants him to…?
A blistering wave of heat runs over his body with such intensity that he feels a bit faint, sweat building in the small of his back, and his breath punches out of his lungs. He feels dizzy. He shouldn't do that. He absolutely shouldn't. A professional should, right?
But Luo Binghe asked him. Luo Binghe wants him to.
“Show me.” He swallows, his dry throat clicking painfully. “Show me where.”