Chapter Text
Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are about to play a game for girls.
The game for girls you are about to play is a dating simulation called Sgruban Love. Some customers at the store glanced at you questioningly when you stormed onto the threshold and immediately grabbed the game, making a beeline for the checkout and slamming the plastic box on the counter with a little too much force. You didn’t really care about the onlookers then: Terezi, your longtime girlfriend, had mercilessly dumped you in favor of some skanky, blonde dude with shades, and you just needed something to keep your hurt pride distracted.
The relationship probably should have ended much sooner, but neither of you was able to put the concept of breaking up into words. Well, at least, initially. You’ve always been a volatile person, as if hanging on a single thread—the thread that, if snapped, will lead you plummeting into a dark abyss of your own insecurities. Your relationship mirrored that. Some days, you and Terezi got along well enough, like any mediocre couple should, but other days, you snapped at her, or simply just sent her the wrong messages. She had to deal with so much of your shit. And Terezi does not take shit.
She came to your apartment one day to hang out while you two were still dating, and she seemed happier. Happier than she had ever been with you. She talked about a guy—some blonde “coolkid” with shades of swag that drew comics. You tried your best to be supportive, but it bothered you more and more, that whenever she came over, the only thing she had to talk about involved the guy—Dave. That’s what his name was.
Eventually, you got jealous. The thread that kept you from falling into the abyss was swinging violently, and you were the pendulum causing its movement. In one, blazing argument, it was over. You blew up at her, and both of you lost it. The weary thread finally gave way.
But that was months ago. You and Terezi are on chatting terms now, though you rarely see her. Neither of you bring up the past, but she’s mighty content being with her coolkid. And you’re mighty content with sitting in your tiny, one-bedroom apartment, playing dating simulations. Well, not really.
In your defense, you weren’t smart enough to scrutinize the games at the store properly, being too fed up with your relationship problems (or lack thereof), and simply selected something at random. And that left you with this gaudy simulation that promised to “fulfill all of your dreams with these handsome men!”
You take a closer look at the game description.
“Play as a highblood troll beauty! Explore Alternia and meet new trolls, gaining love points along the way! Fill quadrants with other trolls! This new addition to the Alien Love dating series brought to you by GrubGames is sure to blow your mind. Also coming soon: Cherub Love!”
A display of datable characters is lined up at the bottom of the box. All of these “handsome men” have odd, grey skin, and candy corn horns. You frown. You’re bisexual, but other species aren’t really your thing.
Oh, what the hell. You spent money on this, and so you’re going to man up and at least try it. Pulling the CD out of the case, you proceed to load up your ancient computer. You would get a new computer to replace this piece of junk, but you can never seem to scrimp up enough money. Working two part time jobs along with classes occupies most of your time, and you have rent and bills to pay. Plus, as much of an old fashioned toaster your computer is, it still runs, and even plays some of your favorite video games.
By now, ol’ Faithful has completely started up and is sticking its CD drive tongue out at you. Quickly, you pop in the disk and push it in, hearing the gears turn and whir as the computer processes your latest purchase. Soon enough, a window slinks onto your screen with a progress bar. You stare at it intently, hoping the power of sheer will can make the bar fill faster, but it stubbornly remains at 4%. God. Your computer simply does not understand the expectations of modern technology, and you simply do not have the patience to wait. You head to your kitchen, hoping the game will be done loading by the time you’re back.
While you’re busy deciding whether to drink the flat soda that’s been in your fridge since last week, or the new one you found on sale (99 cents is a great deal), you hear your cell phone vibrate from your back pocket. Grumbling, you slip your phone out and close the refrigerator door, then fleetingly glance at the caller ID. You would recognize that teal colored ID from a mile away.
“Hello?” you mumble after fumbling with your flip phone more than necessary.
“Karkat? Great! I thought you wouldn’t answer,” Terezi chuckles, almost evilly.
You know her “evil” chuckle is simply her default laugh, but it still hurts just a little. You’re still getting over your heartache. “What do you want?” you snap, unconvincingly, because your voice wavers in the middle.
Someone retorts in the background. “Someone’s being an ass,” the voice says. Jesus no, Terezi’s boy toy was hanging around, and listening in on your conversation to make it worse. Your throat closes a little more when you hear Terezi try to stifle a chuckle. You used to make her laugh like that. Whatever. Not your problem anymore. She probably got tired of you and your antics. You try not to beat yourself up too much about all the things you did wrong, all the problems you caused her, and all the crap she had to listen to, but negative thoughts are difficult to stop. You miss her next few words.
“—house.”
“What?” you say, successfully keeping your voice leveled.
“You left something over at my house.”
You make an internal attempt at panicking. “What?” It’s been so long already; how could something lost half a year ago suddenly turn up now? You hear Dave chuckle in the background. One day, he’s going to choke on that laugh, if he hasn’t already.
“One of your programming books is over here.”
Crap. You need that. Plus, it’s expensive. All thoughts of letting Terezi keep the item or throw it away immediately leave your head. Now you have to go over to her house, confront her and possibly even Dave, and retrieve your precious book. “I can pick it up. Later. I’m busy this week, so how does next week sound?” Your voice is a little gruff now, but it’s even and firm.
“Great! I have to go now. Dave’s taking me to get cherry sorbet.”
Yet another pang of—pang of what? Hurt? Annoyance? Jealousy? You’re disgusted with yourself. You hang up without saying goodbye. It’s already been half a year, and you still feel the ache. It’s gotten duller, sure, but the pain is nevertheless prominent.
You’re not really thirsty anymore. Sheepishly, you make your way back into your bedroom and slide back into your chair, bringing your knees up to your chest and hugging them. You’re not really in the mood for games anymore either, but the full loading bar taunts you. You roll your mouse over to the play button.
Almost immediately, your screen fades into darkness, then gradually brightens again. It’s probably some sort of game effect, but you breathe out a sigh of relief. You wouldn’t be able to take it if your computer crashed on you.
A white creature assaults your screen. It has strange claws, and resembles some sort of mutant crab. It hisses for a moment, and a text box appears.
This is CRABDAD. He is your LUSUS, otherwise known as your CARETAKER. What is your NAME?
Enter name ==>
You tentatively type in your name, looking warily from your keyboard to scrutinize the crabdad on your screen. He’s sort of creepy, yet kind of endearing. You could get used to him.
Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. ==>
Nodding to no one in particular, you press the arrow.
What appears next is a black outline of what will eventually be a picture of your game self. You’re surprised that the game has a male and female option.
Actually, it seems the female option is grayed out. You wonder why, but then don’t really care, though you do think it’s kind of suspicious. Of course, since there’s no other option, you stick with the tab labeled male. Not that you would ever select female anyways.
An image is generated for you. You have a short mop of black hair, along with nubby, candy corn horns. The game gives you a black turtleneck to wear with a grey cancer sign on the chest, and a pair of grey jeans. You approve of the style, then notice how the character bears an uncanny resemblance to you. In the end, you brush it off.
==>
You live on a planet called ALTERNIA, and you are SIX SWEEPS. It is about time find a MATESPRIT to woo. You’ve been close to a couple trolls throughout your life.
Your hurriedly grab the guide from the game’s box and rifle through it to find the word matesprit. Apparently, it basically has the same connotation as a lover, but with more pity. You figure as much.
Glancing back up, you’re assaulted with a line of trolls, the same ones on the cover of the box.
There is a troll with a purple streak in his hair, glasses, and some fancy cape. You look him over. He has the most annoying sneer on his face, and you can’t help but feel a little unnerved. He has a sort of discontent aura around him, almost as if he was trying to say “I will one day kill all land dwwellers.” Wow, where did you even come up with that sentence? It sounds absurd. Anyways, he looks like a douchebag. You skip him.
Another troll wears broken sunglasses (and horns, which makes you ponder over what the function of horns is anyways) and seems to be sweating profusely. The sweat is just so clearly sexy and completely a turn on and he must smell like the most beautiful flower that has ever set foot on earth—or whatever planet this game takes place on. Your attempt at sarcasm fails quite pitifully, as you’re only thinking to yourself. His broken sunglasses, rippling muscles, and dissatisfied frown make him look like an asshole. He has the asshole aura to go with it. You skip him too.
The next one has huge-ass horns, and a shy smile. Maybe pushy, cunning girls with a knack for revenge and treasure hunting would like this type, but not you. He’s also in a wheelchair. You wonder what the backstory on that is. He’s most definitely a pushover. If the next troll is anything like the other two you saw before, you’ll reconsider this guy. But he looks like he plays games for girls. You skip him as well. Maybe the next one will impress you.
The last one wears red and blue glasses, like it’s some sort of 3-D fad. He’s lanky, and has a quirky smile that you take a liking to. By take a liking, you mean that you kind of wish you could tell him off. But alas, he’s a video game character. He has two sets of horns, but they’re not big-assed or broken, and he seems relatively kempt. Definitely better than the others, at least, though you can’t really say that until you actually play. You choose him.
==>
You have chosen SOLLUX CAPTOR.