Archive of Our Own

In-ho woke up and started his routine for the day. There was a stability in that, a control over his own life too that was something to not scoff at, especially for someone like him.
But all of his days weren't exactly the same.

There could be slight variations in the sequence of the events or different targets, but all of his days could be summarised under a few “archetypes”.

And that day fell under his second favourite archetype; the one in which he chose his new hunt.

His work as a detective meant many interactions with the public (with all the trash that the world could offer, all at just a grasp away) and still being able to easily research on someone; two elements perfect for what that day entailed.

He went to work and just itched with the necessity to go out and explore his options. He could do it during his lunch pause or at the end of the day, but he preferred when it happened while working.
In his head, it made the choosing and the hunt both funnier and more thrilling. Because he was plotting who was the next trash to take out while he was working; all while he was “protecting” that same trash. Because there was the higher probability that someone could be suspicious, surrounded by police officers and detectives as he was, and tricking everyone right under their noses was half of the risk and fun.

But that morning seemed to be as disappointing as had become killing most of the times. There was still a satisfaction that couldn't be erased, but the thrill now mostly relied on being able to be as free as the next person, while the bodies piled up under his feet grew steadily.

«In-ho, want to take something out to eat together?» a coworker of his asked. A nice and smart lady, but still dumb enough to be blind with him and not pick up on anything, like the rest. Not that he was blaming her, she was just like everybody else.

«Yeah, I would like to.» and In-ho got up from his chair, grabbing his coat with everything else necessary.
Seemed that the lunch break was going to be where he could strike.

«Is it a problem if before we go to the convenience store right around the corner?» asked the police woman.
In-ho shook his head, then inclined it and proposed, in that smooth voice that enchanted the majority of that filthy world: «Lead the way.»

She gave him a big smile and they went out.
The convenience stores were not the best place to start his hunt, too frequented with no clear pattern to be sure to find someone again, but better than being encased between those four walls of that job of his.
And he had never gone specifically there, he realised while entering the store.

His colleague went straight where she wanted, towards the fridges with the beverages, and then towards the cash register, where there was only one customer.

she babbled, easily stressed, her arms around her midsection.
In-ho looked better and saw that she was very young, a little disheveled and pregnant, towards the end of it, judging by the belly.

On the counter there was some food, the type that could be easily stocked and/or that required long but not complex cooking techniques.
The girl was trembling and on the verge of crying.
In-ho wanted to yawn at the pathetic scene.

But then the cashier caught his attention.
A guy around his age, if not some years older than him, with long-enough hair to curl at the end, framing his face in a friendly and bubbly way.
And the hair reflected the personality, because he extended an arm and put a hand on the girl’s shoulder. He looked straight at her and smiled with a kindness difficult to keep at that age, more appropriate for a young folk, not someone who should be jaded by age and experiences.

«Look, don't worry. I will pay the difference. Give me what you have.» he assured.
The girl widened her eyes, now as big as saucers, while she gave him all the money she had in her hand. He took, counted quickly, and placed them on the first surface in front of him. Took his wallet from his left pocket, took a bill and placed it on top of the girl’s money while giving her a wink.
While he put his wallet away, the man exclaimed with surprise:

He put the money in the cash box and took out some bills and assured: «You have even a change. Have a good day.»
The girl took the change slowly, as if she was expecting it to just disappear with the wrong move, and then looked in the eye of the cashier.

«Thank you so much.» she whispered, her voice quivering.
The man smiled while gesturing to her to go.
«Till the next time, young lady.» he bid farewell.

And the girl quickly gathered all of the groceries in a bag, bowed at the man and sprinted out, for how possible, given her belly.

Then it was their turn and In-ho was almost disappointed to see the smile on the man’s face change and become more polite, less sincere.

«Can you give me a discount?» In-ho’s coworker joked with a grin.
The man became quickly embarrassed and fiddled with his hands as he explained quickly: «I’m really sorry, I can't. I shouldn't do neither what I have just done, but she always comes and I know her situation is not the best, she obviously can't work and her dick of a boyfriend is just a- well, now I’m rambling so I'll just shut up.»

He scanned the item and repeated the price written on the little screen.
The police woman nodded, while shrugging her shoulders: «Understandable, but one must try. Poor girl, tho. That young and pregnant! And with a “dick of a boyfriend”, as you said… she isn't lucky.»
The man closed his eyes and scratched his nape in embarrassment.
«I said it, didn’t I? Can both of you forget about it? I ought to maintain a clean language but that boy always succeeds in making me angry.» he asked.

In-ho noted the little tag note on his work shirt, it read “Gi-hun”.
He looked at him with even more attention as his colleague reassured: «Don't worry, we're not here to snitch on anything! Have a good day!»

«You too!» he greeted them while they were exiting.

Gi-hun, Gi-hun, Gi-hun.
The name sounded right in his head.
Maybe he had found his next trash to take out, an interesting one nonetheless. One of those who still tried to be gentle in a rotten world and that was easily eliminated or destroyed by the cruel reality. Or maybe it was a facade, like his own. One of those who got a sick enjoyment from helping people, parading themselves as better…
He hoped it wasn't the last case, but anyway that meant more research on this Gi-hun.
The day had just turned out to be what he wanted.

•~-~•

He went to the convenience store after his work shift ended and satisfaction bubbled in him when he saw that the cashier was the same from the lunch break.

He wandered around the store, searching for something that could help him start a conversation with Gi-hun, to put a ground from where to start. He decided to take some coffee drinks, at past 6 pm it could be a conversation starter.
At least, the cashier seemed chatty enough to just pick a clue and run a mile with that.

He went to the cashier, who was serving nobody, and Gi-hun greeted him with a smile and a «Back here again?»

In-ho stilled.
Gi-hun eyes widened and started moving his hands frenetically:

«You remembered me?» In-ho asked, surprised, shortening the distance.
The bubbly sensation returned with more force.
«Well, yeah. Difficult to forget a face like yours and a gaze that intense!» Gi-hun explained.
Then he became embarrassed and half laughed, while noting: «Well, this doesn't help my case. I sound like a weirdo.»

«Well, I went here to buy coffee in hope to see you again, so maybe we are both weirdos.» In-ho half joked.
And by the way Gi-hun’s eyes widened before returning to normal, while his smile took on a gentler note, maybe it was easier said than done to coax this guy and discover more of him.

In-ho continued, using the involuntary leverage the other had given him: «Difficult to forget that smile of yours and, especially, how you were kind with that girl.»
Gi-hun, still with that sweet smile, replied: «Oh my-, I don't know what to say… I didn't think that someone like you could remember someone as plain as little old me, and in regards to that girl… I like to think of her as a daughter, with how much I care about her; she comes here often to buy groceries.»

In-ho nodded while Gi-hun scanned his items.
Seemed that this was really one of those who kept the good in their hearts, even all against the odds.

(The funnier to break him and to snuff out the light in his eyes.)

In-ho paid and went out, but just stopped around the corner.
He opened one of the cans and started drinking his coffee. He wanted to know more about Gi-hun, at least his surname and where he lived, so he could research what other infos the police database had in store about him.

•~-~•

At almost 8 pm, In-ho saw Gi-hun on the street, not in work clothes.
He started to follow him, annoyed with himself for not having seen the door behind the convenience store where he could have waited.

The man, with a small backpack on his shoulder, was going towards the metro.
Easy as a piece of cake.
And a great plate where to see someone without being seen, even if that specific hour meant less people than in other moments, like in the morning at the peak of “traffic”.

Gi-hun sat down on one of those uncomfortable chairs and waited, while there was a man who was waiting near the yellow line and a few others scattered around.
In-ho patted himself on the back for choosing to change before: with this more anonymous work attire, his new fake long black hair that were kept in a low ponytail, his now amber eyes and a little bit of makeup to make his face less sharp, he was difficult to recognize and would not raise suspicions in Gi-hun.

Then a drunk man came. Clearly homeless or ready-to-become one, unsteady on his feet, loud and aggressive.
One of the most worthless and stinkiest trash that lived on earth, in short.

The drunk man went towards the guy who was waiting near the yellow line and asked with annoyance: «When it pass?!» slurring the words, the syntax and decency out of the picture with his sobriety.

«The metro arrives shortly, see?» replied the man politely, tired but not wanting to create chaos, and gestured towards the screen with the timetable.

«Why not now?!»
«Only few minutes, sir.»
«But I want it now.»
«I would want it too, but I don't decide the time.»
«Are picking on me?!»
«No!»

It had taken long enough to escalate the situation.

«You picking!»
«No, no-! Sir-»
«You picking! Like her! You all pick on me!» and the drunk shoved the man, who fell.

Right over the line and into the rails, losing consciousness.

The voice announcing that the metro was arriving felt like a mockery.
The drunk man yelled some other grievances about his life and went into another direction. That didn't change that there was a man on the rails.
Nobody could call someone fast enough, there was no time.

Another nobody rightfully taken by the world.

And then there was a flash of someone jumping on the rails and stooping near the unconscious man.
Gi-hun.

If in the convenience store he felt all giddy in a good way and satisfaction curled in his chest, now dread was clouding his ears and an unfamiliar creature started clawing at his intestines.

Gi-hun tried to wake up the man to no avail, while almost simultaneously dragging him near the border, panting all the way.
The robotic voice announcing again the arrival of the metro felt like a mockery and a sentence all together. Two little and intense lights appeared at the end of the tunnel, while the sound of the train was becoming louder.

Gi-hun tried to pick up the unconscious man and to hoist him above him, so he could be on the platform, but it wasn't easy.
In-ho knew how a dead weight could work against someone and Gi-hun, all bones with just a little meat around them, wasn't strong enough to push a man above him and onto the platform.

Why did the man jump, then?! He couldn't not know that he wasn't strong enough! He had a death wish?! Was he that dumb?!

It was almost a deserved death, to die in a stupid and painful way after jumping in to do the hero while knowing he didn't have the capacities to do that.

But the idea of seeing Gi-hun die right there, crushed by a train, while he was trying to save a trash-nobody, didn't sit right with him.
He will die by his hand and only, that was a life that he wouldn't let the world take without him deciding when and where and how.

So he went near the border and extended his hands.
«Here!» he almost yelled and Gi-hun tried to hoist the unconscious trash high enough to be easy to be grabbed.

In-ho wanted to yell in frustration.
He didn't care about that nobody! He was trash! He had every right to die there! He wanted to help Gi-hun, not that stranger!

But to save Gi-hun, he had to save some trash too.

So he took up the man and almost slammed him on the ground before extending his hands once more. Gi-hun took them while giving himself momentum to help him.
In-ho pulled him with all of his force, which was more than enough since Gi-hun was light, definitely lighter than that trash he had just picked up.

The too much force not properly countered by a weight made him imbalanced and sent both of them on the ground of the platform.
The train arrived and stopped right in front of them.

Not that to In-ho was of any importance, like the rough and dirty ground underneath him, like the new voices all around them.
All of that was worthless. The only thing worth noting was the man in his arms, against his chest, who was drawing in rapid breaths. He could almost feel Gi-hun’s heartbeat against his own chest.

(For a fleeting moment, he wanted them to have their hearts beat in syncrom.)

Gi-hun raised his head and looked at him straight into his eyes, wide with fear. But then the expression morphed into one of gratitude.
And Gi-hun smiled.
He smiled brighter than the sun, brighter than the hatred that festered in his empty and cold heart, brighter than the intensity of the grime that walked on earth and believed that had a right to live.

The smile reserved for that girl that morning was nothing, just a ray of artificial light, compared to the supernova that was his smile now.

«I-I thought I was-...» Gi-hun's voice faltered, but the smile remained there, like a gift just for him.
And it should be like that, always.

Something, someone’s worthless voice, caught Gi-hun’s attention, who shifted and was now near him, not above him, and started thanking the trash around them.

As if they had done anything useful.
Useless trash who only acted kind when was easy and gave them an advantage.
Not like Gi-hun.
Gi-hun who acted on an impulse, decided that a worthless life of some trash was important and wanted to help, even with everything against the odds.

The train was still there, with the doors open, and In-ho noted that the engineer at the start of the train was out on the platform, talking with one of the bystanders.

Then Gi-hun turned his head towards him, the traces of the previous smile still there.
«Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. What's your name? I have to know the name of who saved me.» Gi-hun asked.

And for once, In-ho hated his ability to change his aspect, hated that he was using any alias to do his job.
He wanted Gi-hun’s attention and gratitude and smile and everything towards In-ho, not one fake nobody he used as a tool.
Still…

«Young-Il. Oh Young-Il.» he easily lied «And yours? I would like the pleasure of knowing the name of the man I saved.»
«Gi-hun. Seong Gi-hun.» he replied, still smiling brightly «And the pleasure is all mine, Young-Il.»

They both got up and went on the train. They were mostly silent, but close, and In-ho got down at the next stop.
His body was itching, no, vibrating were his leg and Gi-hun's one had touched on the train. And his smile… more rare and valuable than any jewel a robber could imagine.

But to sour his memory there was the words Gi-hun had said, the almost reverence in which he spoke “Young-Il”.
He wanted to hear him say that way his true name, and not only in that breath. He wanted to hear it while he was laughing, while short of breath, while still half-asleep, while… in every moment and time and possible outcome of the day.

Inho stilled in his steps, while he was going to the right metro to return to home.

But that realization was really a surprise after what he had done in the subway?

He walked more quickly and then impatiently waited for the train.
He didn't want to literally open Gi-hun’s chest to take out his heart and stop it. He wanted to metaphorically crawl in that chest and use that heart as a blanket.
He didn't crave to snuff out that light. He wanted that light in his eyes always on him, always brighter than the concept of light itself.
He didn't desire to wipe off his smile. He wanted to cherish it while being the maker of that joy.

Gi-hun wasn't trash.
It was almost a blasphemy that he thought he was, just that morning.
Gi-hun was not trash, but wasn't like him, born to eradicate the trash of the world.

Gi-hun was something else.
A new element, unique even.
Something worth more than the world.
Something that nobody had the right to have, because everything else was beneath him in value.

But In-ho wanted him.
Had to have him.
At any cost.
Because he was worthless, if judged right next to him, but at least he had the consciousness to know it. He was not a greedy bastard who believed everything was his right only because he was living on that planet.

He got on the train with a resolutive grin on his face.

And now he had a surname to Gi-hun's name.

•~-~•

«Rough wake up from the bed today, uh?» Gi-hun joked as he scanned In-ho’s purchase.
«I don't like to sleep.» the detective replied.
«How can you not like to sleep?! It’s like saying you don't like to eat! They're things we do to live, they can't be unpleasant!» Gi-hun replied, almost shocked.

In-ho managed a small smile while he shrugged.
It has been a week since he became a regular customer. Casually, he was always there when there was Gi-hun as a cashier. It was not difficult to enter the back of the convenience store and find the timetables for the employees, who weren't many. And even if the hours could be rearranged, Gi-hun was mostly abitudinary, even with the overtimes, as he saw in the old timetables.

And what the police database said about Gi-hun gave him a picture as strange as interesting of him.
He was part of the workers who striked when the Dragon Motors company fired many of his employees and had some rows with the police during that strike. Few years later he had been reported many times for disturbing his neighbours late at night many times because he was drunk, but no serious actions were taken. And at a certain time, circa five or six years before, all the complaints stopped. And seemed to match with when he started working again regularly, using his resume on LinkedIn as a source.
He couldn't know if he quit the jobs before or if he was fired, but he had had this job as a cashier for three and half years (transferred to that location of the chain only from a little more than half a year) and so it was the second longest job the man had ever had.

Sadly, he wasn't able to grasp anything else from Gi-hun’s turbulent and interesting past, because he hadn't built the intimacy between them necessary for that.
Not that discovering his target’s life, in this case, had the same motivation like always.

He wanted to know Gi-hun because he yearned for that man’s trust, wanted to be held special in his heart, close to it with all his dark secrets and his most prized possessions, just like In-ho wanted to do with the 45 years old man.
That abundant week (almost two) as acquaintances only fueled his resolve, while his usual routine from one of his archetypes, the “chase”, was bent to accomodate the new interest.

He didn't regret changing his routine, now he had a new one and it was more interesting than the previous.
The only downside was that he wasn't able to just click with Gi-hun. The man was kind, kinder that the world deserved, self-sacrificing in a way that was borderline worrying, but still he kept everybody at an arm’s length.
In-ho didn't understand it, especially after that moment at the subway with Gi-hun while he was Young-Il. Not that he would revive that alibi or any others with Gi-hun. He wanted the man focus on him, unaltered, not on some fake persona he created.

In-ho had come to the conclusion that he had to save again Gi-hun to be trusted by him. But how? He couldn't be the executioner and the saviour at the same time. He still wasn't sure he could fake being a saviour, because he was just possessive and didn't want anything to lay their hands on Gi-hun, last of all Death!

•~-~•

The chance came to him on a boring Friday evening, the day that marked the end of his second work-week in which he had known Gi-hun.

He was in the store, deciding on what he wanted to buy so to stir a conversation with the man, when someone shouted from the entrance: «Hands up! It's a robbery!»
Very old style and cliché, In-ho thought while he was rolling his eyes, but then his blood ran cold.
Gi-hun was at the cash box.
Gi-hun, sweet and self-sacrificing Gi-hun.
Fuck.

In-ho took his gun from where it was secured and he kept close to the shelves.

«Give me all the money! Quick!» the robber yelled.

«I’m opening it, I'm opening it.» Gi-hun assured, the slight quiver in the voice betraying his fear.
In-ho gritted his teeth. Gi-hun should do many things, but surely not be fearful of a pathetic excuse of space who didn't even deserve to be seen by such bewitching doe eyes.

«Don't dare press any button to call the police or I will kill you!» barked the robber.
«O-only banks have them, this is just a convenience store… here, see?, I’m opening it.» Gi-hun explained, coaxing the robber with a quiet and gentle tone that a scum like that didn't deserve nor could appreciate it like he should.

In-ho was near the robber, who was giving him his back.

«Quick! Here!» and the robber tossed a backpack to Gi-hun, who catched it midair with a quiet shock plastered on his face.
Then he started putting the cash inside, making a bit of a racket while doing it, giving In-ho the perfect chance.
He ran from where he was near the shelves, the robber in clear sight just two meters from him.

Before that stupid trash could even comprehend what was happening, In-ho had crashed into him while pushing him to the ground.
The filthy idiot dropped the gun while falling and yelling.
In-ho picked the gun swiftly and pointed his own against that piece of crap’s head.
«Police, do not oppose resistance.»

The man didn't move, his breathing becoming erratic, and In-ho lifted his gaze towards Gi-hun, who was watching him with wide eyes and with the mouth opened in a little and gracious “o”.
He restrained from grinning like the feral he was.
This.
He wanted this.
Gi-hun’s undivided attention, all towards who he really was.
Only the smile was missing, but that gaze was enough to stitch back that wound left from that night, in which Gi-hun had thanked Young-Il profusely and not him.

Sadly, he had to return his eyes towards the scum under his knee, which was delightfully pressing the man’s back. While he put the man’s gun in his holder, so he only had to handle only one gun, he said to Gi-hun: «Call the police, so my colleagues will come.»

•~-~•

When that waste of breath was put into a police car, handcuffed and all, and the manager of the store was made aware of the event, it was the time in which Gi-hun's turn ended.

One of his colleagues finished with his and Gi-hun’s statements and bid him farewell.
When that nobody left, Gi-hun turned towards him and bowed deeply. Then he bounced back and thanked him: «Oh my In-ho, thank you so much! You saved me and all the others in the store too! And all the money, thank the gods it wasn't robbed!, is still there- thank you so so so much. I… I was actually quite afraid. I was trying to please him but I feared someone will come and that he would try to kill or take as hostage somebody in the store or me.»

In-ho would have liked to bathe in Gi-hun's gratitude and in his smile too, a little dimmed from the events but still so bright and pure, but it wasn't the time. Strangely, fate had given him a chance.
And he wasn't going to miss it.

«Why don't we both let this scary situation behind us with a good drink? Are you free now?» he suggested.
Gi-hun smiled and nodded: «Just give me one minute to change into my clothes and I’ll be right here! If you don't mind-»
«I don't mind, take all the time that you need.» he assured, using that smooth tone of his that enchanted Gi-hun too, adding a little smile.
The smile Gi-hun gave him before returning to the store burned inside his chest with the force of a beast destroying his prey.
And the idea was alluring just enough that he daydreamed about what could be waking up and experience that every single morning of his life.

What a heaven it would be!

•~-~•

After that night, In-ho returned at home with his liver pleasantly filled, but not full, of alcohol, his wallet lighter and a new number on his phone.
It was officially the best night of his life, not even the thrilling of the first kill could compare to that.

•~-~•

Strengthening his relationship with Gi-hun was so easy, the man seemed silently praying for someone to just crawl in the cracks of his loneliness and fill it with attention and care.
And In-ho had taken residence in those cracks; he was proud of that notion.

One of the best parts (and maybe he just loved all of it so it was difficult to say something he didn't like) was to slowly fill the pieces of Gi-hun's puzzle that was his life. Any piece he put in the picture, the more the picture became intriguing, real, and still so so so perfect.

Gi-hun had always lived where he was born, Ssangmun-dong, and shared his childhood home with his mother, who now could finally live as a retired old lady after Gi-hun gave his mother “too many stresses to be healthy”.

He wasn't the richest kid in the neighborhood, more towards the other end of the spectrum, and his father was just a surname and a lost hope, but he always felt loved and that was all that mattered to him.

He liked cats, and finally had convinced his mother to have one, named Berlioz like the one from the Aristocats animated movie. He liked to spoil rotten his cat and his mother, for how he could, he loved to cook and try new dishes and going to the cinema, even if in recent years he didn't go once.

He knew he had another friend, Jung-bae, with whom he went out to drink with a certain regularity, and a childhood friend named Sang-woo whom Gi-hun spoke of so fondly and highly.
He hated those two men, without having seen them face to face. And a little research on the police database gave him little information. Still, the hate was mostly based on his jealousy.

But he comforted himself with the affection that Gi-hun gave him, even if some points of his past life were still pretty obscured.

Until an ordinary day happened, a day like any other for In-ho.

He went to the convenience store, where Gi-hun worked the afternoon shift, and noted that his usual happiness was duller that usual.
Only by experience, only by watching and replaying in his head the moments together, he saw the difference.
So, when he went to pay, he asked with concern: «Everything alright?»

Gi-hun smiled, but to In-ho the result was so fake, almost insulting, because, seriously, the other believed he could fall for something like that?
«Just… a bad day.» he commented.
«You sure?» In-ho inquired and fixated his eyes on Gi-hun's.

Gi-hun sighed and relented: «Fine, I'm not okay. I thought I was hiding it pretty well.»
«Not for someone who knows you, but everyone else would have been fooled.» In-ho assured, hiding the pride in his tone, the joy to be one of the few people that knew him well «You want to talk about it after work?»

«I don't want to annoy you…»
«You don't annoy me! You never could!» and In-ho was sure he had never been more honest «You want to eat something at my house? You wanted to try that Chinese restaurant near my house, didn't you? We can order from them and eat comfortably on my sofa.»
«You sure? I don't want to be a disturb…»
«You will never be able to be a disturbance to me.» and how badly In-ho wanted to extend his hand to touch Gi-hun's arm and never let go of him.

Gi-hun nodded and half-joked: «Then I will bring the alcohol to become happy whenever the food will be good or not.»

«Perfect.» and In-ho smiled.
A giddy satisfaction curled in his guts at the perspective of having Gi-hun at his house, again. He never succeeded to make him sleep there, but maybe that was the night.

•~-~•

After a good Chinese-themed dinner and some alcohol, they were half sprawled on the couch.
Gi-hun lifted the glass with soju to his lips again and In-ho observed with quiet glee how the alcohol touched those lips made to smile and say his name and how the alcohol went down in his throat, making his Adam’s apple bobble.

In-ho diverted his gaze, before his mind could make his body betray himself. Those thoughts were for the privacy of his bed (or the shower), for now.

Sensing that Gi-hun was tipsy enough to be relaxed, he asked: «Why this morning you were so blue?»

Gi-hun turned his head towards him and smiled with a melancholy that In-ho hated on the other’s face.
«This day… my daughter was born.» Gi-hun quietly admitted.

«Your… daughter?» In-ho repeated, confused.
Gi-hun wasn't married, he was sure of that! And a daughter?! He never brought her up!

«Well, a little more complex than just that, it's misleading how I have said it…» and Gi-hun fixated on the ceiling, head reclined.

«I had a wife. She was pregnant. And the day she delivered our daughter, I was on a strike. Remember that I had worked for Dragon Motors? Me and many other workers were fired and left without nothing and we striked. And… right when I… I was in the middle of that strike… my daughter was born. I wasn't there to welcome her to the world. I couldn't embrace her. I was with one of my coworkers who was dying between my arms…»

In-ho couldn't relate to Gi-hun's sadness, despite having seen many lives leave one’s body before his eyes, but surely for someone worth something like him, that was traumatic.

«So you are sad that you weren't there for your daughter? You were fighting to give her a future, in which you had a job.» In-ho noted.

Gi-hun's smile became even more painted with misery.
«Yeah, I thought that too. So, despite everything, I kept pushing forward. For her, Ga-yeong. Even when with my wife everything was crumbling because I didn't have a stable job anymore. I was strong for her and tried fighting. And I loved her so, so much…»

«She… she died?»

Gi-hun shook his head, but the pain was still there.
«And then, her mother wanted to divorce me. On Ga-yeong’s birthday, after she went to bed. Not the best day, but, ok, it had been called by everyone, including myself. I just wanted to share custody of our daughter. And then… then…»

The pain in Gi-hun’s face was too much, In-ho almost wanted him to stop, but at the same time a part of him craved to know, because this was the point of everything that made Gi-hun. The failed strike, this newly-discovered death of a coworker and this still-confusing situation regarding this daughter of his that In-ho had never heard of.

But he just couldn't bear to see Gi-hun, someone who only deserved the best, being so hurt without any confort.
So he took one of Gi-hun’s hands and gave it a little squeeze with his own.
«I’m here.» he whispered «Take all the time that you need.»

Gi-hun turned his head to look at him, the sorrowful in his eyes slightly dimmed by a recognition of comfort.

«And then… she told me I wasn't her father. She had been cheating on me for years and now wanted to live a life with Ga-yeong's rightful dad. She knew because he made him do a paternity test and it was a match. And that didn't change that I saw Ga-yeong as my daughter, because I had raised her and loved her; for how much I could, even if I was a pathetic excuse of a dad.»
His voice broke right there, the suffering unbearable to bottle it up, and Gi-hun started to silently cry.

Still, he remained sprawled on the couch, still looking at In-ho, now squeezing the hand that was holding his, and concluded: «But I just couldn't see her anymore. I wasn't her dad. I wasn't anything. And her mother took her and all three of them went to America, where Ga-yeong’s father had found a great job. It's been years since I saw her. And I still miss her. But she just isn't mine, even if I still love her as my own…»

And Gi-hun sobs became too much and he couldn't talk anymore and closed his eyes while huddling himself.

In-ho reacted on instinct alone and his arms flew around Gi-hun and hugged him, whispering calming sweet nothings. He started to pet his hair with one hand, while keeping up with those nonsensical noises that he didn't knew he could make and that were tranquilizing Gi-hun.

In-ho closed his eyelids when Gi-hun stopped bawling his eyes out, but still kept stroking him on the head.
While a white hot anger simmered in him.

The urge to kill, almost vanished in those weeks spent knowing Gi-hun, surged again with a force and a voice that was screeching inside his brain.
He wanted, no, he had to find that excuse of a waste on earth and his lover equally useless and unworthy and kill them; slowly, making them pray death itself to take them, rather than to leave them alone with him.

She deserved it. How could she even phantom to do something like that?! How much was she blind and an idiot to betray Gi-hun’s trust and love over and over again?
She didn't deserve to live, she didn't even deserve a grave, he wanted to rip her piece by piece until there was only a confetti-pile of meat of her to then burn and lastly dump her ashes in a trash bin.

In-ho couldn't grasp how anyone, even the dirtiest piece of shit in all of that filthy and ungrateful world, could ever make Gi-hun suffer that way while choosing someone over him.
How, how?!

He would gladly cut away his right arm if it gave him the possibility to be loved by Gi-hun like that! And someone who had something so precious in their hands decided to throw it away for a nobody scum just like herself?

He hugged Gi-hun a little more, while still petting his air, trying to keep his breath controlled.
It only fueled his idea, his new viewing of life: Gi-hun was akin to an angel, something who belonged to another dimension, and who was sent on earth to make it better for everyone who had the fortune enough to meet him. And while he should be adored and respected for the superior being he was, all the blind and cruel world wanted to do was to crush him.
And it had already done it.

«Thanks…» Gi-hun whispered «It’s been so long since I told someone. It… it was exhausting. But I needed it. Thanks.»
And he made no move to push away In-ho.
So the detective didn't move either while that anger dissolved, just a little, bit by bit, taken away by Gi-hun’s gratitude and affection.

It only helped his previous thoughts.
Gi-hun was better than a human. And he needed to be cherished and protected. And who was better for that than the man who actively and consciously took out the trash of the earth?

While they were still huddled together, Gi-hun kept talking: «After that and the divorce… everything fell apart. I had no motivation to go on. Ga-yeong, the only reason, was gone. Forever. I just didn't find any motivation and fell into the rabbit hole that gambling is.»

«But now you're not a gambler.» In-ho noted.
«No, but for at least two years I was. And drunk myself half-dead to cope with the pain by forgetting it. My poor mother… I made her work so much just to keep us afloat and all I did was betting on horses over and over again.»

«And what changed?» In-ho asked.
«My friends. Jung-bae and Sang-woo. Jung-bae first, trying to make me stop betting, so as to stop losing even more money, and he made me work for his pub so I could start to live a normal routine and he paid me by giving me food for my mother and I. And then Sang-woo. He was almost a miracle. I was trying to pay off my loan with the bank but the rates were against me and even if Jung-bae had started giving me some money for my work, I was still unable to keep up. And then Sang-woo appeared and… helped me. He paid my debt for me. You know, he's so smart and a SNU graduate at the top of his class… he is insanely rich. So he just… helped me! I couldn't just believe it. We hadn't seen each other in years and he still helped me. Of course I couldn't just let him pay my debts like this, so slowly I'm repairing him, but without interest.»

In-ho nodded.
«What a great friend, there in the moment of need.» he declared. Not that he believed in what he said, not one bit, especially all of Sang-woo and Gi-hun's relationship to him always seemed strange, and that only gave credit to his idea.
«Jung-bae too, obviously. Sang-woo was surely generous.» In-ho added.
But he had to mentally thank them both, especially Sang-woo, because without them maybe he wouldn't have ever known Gi-hun and that, now, appeared as such an empty and meaningless life.

«Are you keeping repaying him, so?» In-ho asked.
Gi-hun nodded: «I give every month some money to his mom, who still lives near us, but in a more modern house. The only way he accepts a payment. Sometimes he visits, now, when he isn't too busy with work. I want you to meet him. And Jung-bae.»

«I would like to know who helped you when you were at rock bottom. They seem great people.» In-ho replied, not sincere but not totally insincere either.
Gi-hun nodded again, a small smile on his face.

«Sorry for crying like a baby.» he then added, a little mortified.
«Do not be ashamed.» In-ho almost imposed «You needed it. And I'm grateful that you wanted to share something so personal with me, I’m honoured.»

Gi-hun sighed, tired: «I’ll try to believe you. I guess I have to go home now, it's late…»
«Stay here for the night.» he replied «It's late, as you said, and tomorrow morning you can wake at whatever hour you have to go to work. I invited you with the idea to let you sleep here too, if necessary.»

«Then I’ll make myself comfy on the couch.»
«You will sleep on my bed.»
«And where will you sleep?»
«On the couch. Or in my bed, if you don't mind. It's big enough that we should sleep with still a little place between us.»

Gi-hun fixed him with a shocked look.
In-ho, with his reliable poker face, assured: «You're my friend, I don't see a problem. I know we are a little too grown up to do a pijama party, but we are a little too old to sleep on a couch too and expect that the next day we won't have a lot of protesting muscles and joints.»

Gi-hun seemed to ponder his options, but then he smiled and agreed: «Then let's go to your bed. But I don't have anything to use to sleep.»
«I can lend you one of my loose shirts and trousers, don't worry.»
And they both got up.

•~-~•

Sleep came surprisingly easy to In-ho, comforted by the closeness to Gi-hun, even if he wasn't still his and he couldn't just touch him, not yet.

But it was true, then, that sleeping next to someone you loved was easier than alone.

•~-~•

The next day, when Gi-hun got out of his house and went to work by bidding him farewell with a smile, In-ho returned to his bedroom.
He picked the clothes Gi-hun had left in a little pile near a corner, like In-ho had instructed him.

He took the shirt in his hands and brought it to his nose and he inhaled.
All the other smells in the world faded with the knowledge and tangibility of Gi-hun's scent right under his nose. He closed his eyes and breathed into the fabric, his brain shortcutting.

He stumbled on the bed and let himself roll where Gi-hun's scent still remained and he just wanted to be bathed in it and to smell on himself a mix of their aromas.

Luckily, he didn't have to work that morning.
He spent a good chunk of it by being surrounded by Gi-hun's scent that sadly was quickly vanishing. He still made the best of it, letting it be memorized in his mind, branded like a prayer in the memory of a zelant believer, while his mind was floating and all the blood rushed down, his body aflame in a way he never experienced in that intensity.

He came again and again and, when he took the beddings to wash them, he noticed that he had come even where Gi-hun had slept.
He just hoped that one day he would be able to do it on him, with him, and not based on the memory alone.

•~-~•

In-ho met Gi-hun's other friends on a evening, after a long and boring day of work. The only comforting thing was that Gi-hun was seated near him and sometimes their legs brushed and the contact thrilled him enough to keep him wide awake.

And knowing Gi-hun's friends helped him assess them better.
Jung-bae was less menacing now, he was just a friendly guy, a simple man that maybe was a little too touchy with anyone, even an object like the poor table they were seated at.
Someone he could tolerate with a drink in hand, given that he made a good chunk of the conversation, taking away the toll from him.

A totally different story was Sang-woo.
In-ho had seen a little bit of himself in that smart brain. Ruthless enough to get what he wanted and possessive enough to keep close what he cared deeply about. And they shared one aspect in that category, Gi-hun, who was sandwiched between them, oblivious to the challenging glares they were sending each other.

«Oh, Sang-woo.> Jung-bae exclaimed, interrupting whatever he was saying before «Are you going to be around for the festival too or you’ll already be off to work?»
Sang-woo replied: «I took some days off right for the festival. Mother begged me to be here, if she needs all the help possible…»
«And wants to show off his genius son.» Gi-hun sing-sang, a smile on his lips.

«She won’t be alone in that, I’m pretty sure.> Sang-woo noted, but his expression was less stoic and much more resemblant one of a normal human while he talked to Gi-hun; a little soft too.
They were too similar to be anywhere safe to be around each other.

«Can’t I praise my friend?!» Gi-hun retorted, offended. Then his demeanour shifted and looked at In-ho with trepidation: «You want to come too?»
«Where?»
«Ssangmun-dong’s festival, obviously! Sure, it’s nothing majestic, but it has its charm. And to us it brings nostalgia too.» Gi-hun explained «But the atmosphere is great and everywhere is bursting with people and happiness and little stands with games-»
«Where you always lose.» interjected Sang-woo, a little quirk of his lips indicating his intention of being playful rather than scolding.

Gi-hun crossed his arms and pouted.
Apparently, only Gi-hun was able to pout at 45 years old and make it adorable. One of the perks of being better than the trash around the world, In-ho had extrapolated.
And the man lamented with a whine: «Not truuuuuuee. Just a littleeeee.»

Jung-bae shook his head while smiling and asked: «And after this great introduction of Ssangmun-dong’s festival, would you like to come, In-ho.»
«When it is?»
«This weekend.» Gi-hun said.
«It could be fun. It has been years since I strolled around a festival like that without being undercover.» In-ho granted.
«Then it’s settled, you’ll come with us!»

•~-~•

Gi-hun’s energy was enough to light up the entire of Seoul, probably, not that In-ho was displeased. It was just a pity he had to share such a beautiful view with everybody around. Especially considering how Gi-hun was dressed. The man was not a fashionista, even if In-ho had his suspicions that in another life he could have been a model, given his physique: he was tall, lean, with a pretty face with even prettier hair to frame it, and a waist so small that In-ho had yet to decide if it was diabolical or carved by heaven itself.

And he wasn’t sure you couldn’t consider it a crime, with Gi-hun having a waist so small and In-ho still not being able to just grasp it whenever he wanted or how he couldn’t just put an arm around it and rest his hand on the other’s hip, declaring mutely to the word that he was In-ho’s.

Returning to the topic at hand, Gi-hun didn’t care about the trends in the fashion industry, but his build gave him the as rare as maddening ability to look good with everything he put on. And since it was a festival he cared about, he was a little “dolled up”. He wore some black dress pants who hugged just right is waist, some black shoes not all battered up and a grey shirt, light enough to be wearable in May’s heat, but not thin enough to see the skin underneath, with the first two buttons not closed, giving to the word a peak to Gi-hun’s collarbones, which surely the world didn’t deserve, but it was a sight for In-ho’s sore eyes. Furthermore, Gi-hun had taken time to properly style his hair, now curlier than usual, which gave him a cute halo, thanks to the soft and warm festival’s lights too.

He was simply maddeningly cute and sinful all together in a present that only missed a bow to rip it off so to take what laid underneath.
And In-ho wasn’t alone in his thoughts, if the look Sang-woo gave Gi-hun when they met was anything to take count of.
He wanted to pluck the man’s eyes out, probably even using his glasses, but at least someone recognised that the beau of the night there was Gi-hun, not some rando young girl, and even without trying his hardest.

The festival itself was enjoyable, if In-ho had to take a position, but maybe it was only Gi-hun’s influence. He didn’t go to festivals like those ever since his step-mother cut him off from the family, leaving him alone. Nowadays, the memories with little Jun-ho, even the ones at joyous festivals, were nothing more than a reflection on a puddle of water; they evoked so little in his heart that already from adolescence was mostly hardened and it had become totally empty after losing his only resemblance of family.
He shook his head and lived the moment, taking in all of Gi-hun’s mannerisms and expressions; mostly the smiles, who warmed up his chest with a heat that had nothing in common with May's weather.

They looked and goofed around (for the second part, only Gi-hun and Jung-bae were the ones responsible). In one of those moments in which he and Sang-woo had to tolerate each other’s company, Sang-woo asked: «So… you met him Gi-hun while he was working as a cashier, mh?»
«Yes. Any problems?»
«You don’t seem like someone who chats up with anybody you encounter.»
«Neither do you.»
«At least I’m coherent.»

That guy, for all of his brains, was really risking crossing the line between bravery and utmost stupidity. But, for now, he could play along. Gi-hun had stopped him, without knowing, in his insatiable killing spree. One less richer-than-morally-right guy was no real loss for the world.
But it would be a great loss for Gi-hun, In-ho’s brain noted.

Fine, he couldn’t kill him with that set in stone, so he had to tolerate him; but wouldn't surely make his life easy, especially with the suspicions he had about Sang-woo’s intentions with Gi-hun.

«Gi-hun broke the mold, what can I say? He just gave me a good impression and, well, he’s chatty. Most of the times, at the start, he initiated the conversations and I surely hadn’t the heart nor the will to interrupt them abruptly.»
«Mh.»
«You’re not convinced; I can understand that. Considering that the last person to enter Gi-hun’s life took his heart and has destroyed him in more ways than once. I don’t know how Gi-hun can only think sadly of that woman and not with anger.»
«You- you know-?» then Sang-woo sighed «Of course, Ga-yeong’s birthday was not too much ago and you two were already friends.»
In-ho nodded.

Sang-woo was silent for a short period of time, then declared: «You better still be careful with Gi-hun. I still don’t trust you.»
In-ho shrugged and them grinned at him with all bad intentions in it: «Luckily for both of us, yours isn’t the trust I want.»
Sang-woo hadn’t replied to that, just leveling him with a glare.

Shortly after Gi-hun returned with a plush for his cat and the tension dissipated. But none of them forgot what had been said, even if they went to drink.
It was just postponed in their heads.
And since they ended with their drinks in the late hours of the night, Gi-hun proposed something out of In-ho’s best dreams: «You want to stay at my home? It’s not good as yours, and we’ll have to share the bed again, unless maybe I can use my mom’s bed since she is staying more and more with Sang-woo’s mother to keep her company-»
«I don’t have problems to sleep with you, I think I made it pretty clear, did I?»

«Yeah, yeah.» and Gi-hun laughed.
Not too many minutes after, they were in Gi-hun bed, definitely smaller than his, but after a bit of coaxing Gi-hun was once again convinced to sleep together. It was a tight fit and it made In-ho more elated than any alcohol could ever make him.
«Tell me if I make you uncomfy.» In-ho had purposefully whispered in Gi-hun’s ear while rotating himself on one side, so as to be closer to the other. And oh, how he enjoyed the thrill that his action sent down Gi-hun’s spine.

•~-~•

When, the morning after, In-ho woke up spooning Gi-hun from behind he had to use every ounce of control to not be betrayed by his body. But still, he exploited the moment, relishing in the way their bodies combined so closely, like they were made for one another, like two pieces of the same puzzle. He shut his eyes and he inhaled Gi-hun’s scent, right under his nose, and how many little jolts that sent in all of his body! He took advantage of Gi-hun’s sleep to slightly touch his stomach with his hand, where it was laid, touching the bare skin because the shirt the man wore during the night had riled up. In-ho had to bite his lips to not make any sounds and he had to use any little drop of his willpower to not fuel his desire, which could quickly become really noticeable.

He closed his eyes and stopped with his ministrations, feigning sleep, when he felt Gi-hun stir.
He had to refrain from smirking when he heard Gi-hun’s sharp intake of breath, the way his breathing was shallow and his little movements to test In-ho’s grip, which wasn’t easily escapable from.
«Fuck.» Gi-hun muttered under his breath, voice still rough from sleep, and that almost made In-ho shiver. He wanted to listen to it on repeat. Preferably, while he was panting and in-between moaning his name, pretty thanks.

«Body, do not betray me, please.» Gi-hun whispered again, with a little more desperation. Funnily enough, In-ho thought the same thing.
They remained like that for some minutes, and In-ho wanted to spend his eternity like this, then Gi-hun sighed and got up, careful as possible as he could. In-ho feigned a deep sleep and waited until the footsteps were distant enough to open his eyes.

He looked at the place where Gi-hun was laying before and drew in a long breath.
It was a million times better than his bed that morning. He trembled from the pleasure and tried to calm his body. He couldn’t deal with his erection, not with Gi-hun so close, but maybe… there was a chance.
Or he was being utterly delusional, and that wasn’t one of his qualities, or Gi-hun had at least a little bit of interest in In-ho, in that way. He only had to find a way to bring it out and take the matter in his hands.

•~-~•

It had been a day like another, if not for the fact that In-ho had invited Gi-hun to his house and the man had accepted. Like it had already happened more than once (with In-ho joyce, in the months of their friendship), they ate dinner together, they shared some drinks and now they were talking about nothing and the world’s most philosophical questions simultaneously with In-ho’s jazz music in the background.

Then, not so strangely, Gi-hun took the lead of the conversation and asked: «I know that you’re single, I think that’s clear, but… have you had any serious relationships? Like, someone you were together with for years?...»
In-ho, surely surprised by the topic, but interested in where it could go, responded: «No, only one night stands and short relationships. And not too many.»

«How? It’s impossible that someone like you can’t find anybody!» Gi-hun promptly replied.
In-ho chuckled: «I’m flattered, but that’s not the point. Just… I have never “clicked” with someone. I find the great majority of the population boring.»
«How? Why?»
«Dunno… just… I don’t find them interesting. They say nothing to me, let’s say.»
«Man, I just hope I’m not on the top of the “most boring one” list!» Gi-hun joked, even if he strained him to do so. Or maybe it was only clear to In-ho because he had become so attuned to Gi-hun.

He almost wanted to smile in front of Gi-hun’s exasperating self-doubting nature; it was like a joke that the universe itself had made: how someone so above the rest could consider himself below the trash, when he shined brighter than any star?

So, he quickly reassured Gi-hun with: «You’re not even on the boring list. Isn’t it clear that I care about you? I find you really interesting.»
Gi-hun looked at him surprised and with his cheeks too red to be from alcohol alone.
«You sure?» Gi-hun whispered.
«Sure. You’re the most interesting person on this world, for me.» assured In-ho, reducing the already short distance between them, keeping his head upright.

Gi-hun now imitated him, not so sprawled on the couch anymore, and scrutinized him his intense and bewitching doe eyes.
«Why?»
«You’re just different; I clicked with you. I’m pretty sure it has to do with your bright and kind and generous personality. Nobody in this world can never rival you.»

And that declaration left Gi-hun speechless, red in the face as a tomato that was ripe to be harvested, his mouth gaping. He closed and opened his pink-reddish lips different times before being able to mumble: «I-I don’t know what you see in me that is so special-»
«I see you for how you are; it’s you the one who can’t grasp how much they’re fantastic and how anybody should be grateful to have even a slight part of your attention and affection.» In-ho declared.

He was pushing it, he knew, but he wanted to savor the moment, almost hoping that the first to give in would be Gi-hun, just to see how an angel could become a possessive creature, even for just an instance.
Gi-hun was once again made speechless and, if possible, even redder.
It was a sight that In-ho wouldn’t trade for anything else in the world.

Gi-hun looked into his lap and shook his head. He whispered: «I don’t really know what you see in me, really…»
In-ho didn’t interrupt him, as if he sensed that the other was only starting, and he was proven right.

Gi-hun added: «And… maybe I’m reading too much into this and I’ll royally fuck this up, but…»
The man took a long resolute breath.
In-ho waited in a state similar to apnea.
Gi-hun concluded, his big doe eyes so focused on him that made In-ho elated: «But I was never someone who thought too much.»

And with a swiftness that rivaled the one shown that night in the subway, he destroyed whatever distance separated them and kissed him with all the intensity of a supernova and the delicacy of a feather.
And In-ho let himself fall on his back, like that time, taking Gi-hun with him, reciprocating the kiss with the dedication and desperation of a sinner at the altar of his god.
And when Gi-hun let a whimper escape him while miming his enthusiasm, all hell broke loose in In-ho’s mind.

In-ho let his hands trail over Gi-hun’s back and quickly they went under the other’s shirt, grasping at his waist, almost groping the flesh with the fervor that flowed in his veins too.
Gi-hun took a sharp intake of breath against his lips and In-ho used that moment to groan: «You don’t know how much I wanted to touch you like this. It was maddening seeing that small waist taunt me and doing nothing.»
And he resumed to kiss him.

His heart was beating loudly in his chest, almost so loud that it covered the small gasps and sharp breaths that Gi-hun made while he kept touching him, his hands now on his back and torso.
Gi-hun wasn’t less voracious. With his knees pinned in the couch, trapping In-ho’s lap beneath him, started thrusting there, making both of them moan and hard quickly.

«Fuck, we’re not doing this on the couch.» In-ho declared and sat up, locking Gi-hun against his own chest with his arms. Then he took the momentum and got up and Gi-hun let out a thrilled squeal that quickly morphed into a laugh and then into a kiss meanwhile In-ho took them to the bed.

In-ho deposited Gi-hun with care on the bed, taking a moment to admire him.
«You’re so beautiful, I don’t know how you can't see it.» In-ho whispered and Gi-hun returned red on the face.
Gi-hun puffed his cheeks and took hold of the other man’s shirt and lamented: «Come here, you- you greek god or whatever! You talk about being beautiful but you are so handsome that I almost think it’s impossible that you exist!»
«We share the same sentiment, dear.»
And he picked up from where they had left.

In a few minutes, they were left with only their boxers on, their excitement already clearly visible.
«Have- have you-» Gi-hun panted, already so high on adrenaline after so long alone «Have you ever done it with a man?»

«No, but I am prepared.» assured In-ho, leaving Gi-hun’s warm and pliant body just the time necessary to grab some condoms and a bottle of lube.
«Have you?» asked In-ho.
Gi-hun shook his head.
That admission made In-ho’s head spin. Just a little. Their first time together was going to become ever more special, in In-ho’s head.

«I just hope to not be a disappointment.» Gi-hun whispered.
«You could never be a disappointment, alright?» In-ho assured, so close to Gi-hun’s face «And if you want to stop, you have to tell me, ok? Just knowing you want me is enough, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want.»
Gi-hun nodded and took the elastic band of his own boxers in his hands.
«I want to do it.» Gi-hun replied, while slowly peeling off the last layer of clothing.
In-ho wanted to never stop living bathed in that happiness and excitement, he decided.