Chapter Text
Dear Diary,
It's been another one of those days, you know, they usual, awkward prisoners trying to screw everything up and make your day horrible. I mean I know working in a prison isn't easy, I'm pretty sure being the prisoner isn't easy either, but that's a different matter.
Let me get to the point, I have just got home from a double shift which I wasn't actually meant to work, but Governor Ferguson, told me to, well, I say told, I mean forced. I don't know why though? I mean, she told me it was going to be really busy and they would be understaffed, but nothing eventful happened and they were clearly over staffed. I don't mind working extra though, I get to the love of my life. Well, I think. That's a story for another diary entry right?
No, maybe I should talk about it? You're the only thing that I can say my feelings and thoughts to... I don't really have many people. Fletch was just sexually frustrated and maybe I was an easy target? I am vulnerable, he perhaps thought I would allow him to do absolutely anything to me. Anyway, I'm done with being used by sexually frustrated men. Let me just tell you about my love. Well, sh... THEY aren't mine, I just think I love them, no, I do but its my first love and they wont feel the same... They wouldn't? I'm a vulnerable old deputy who can't even get the job of Governor. I'm useless so she wont even think twice. I'm just her deputy. .
SHIT.
I didn't mean to say that, it was supposed to be a secret. You're only a diary so maybe you should know. You are the only thing I have. Other people will judge me, I'm in love with another girl, my boss!!! MY BOSS!!! I'm in love with my boss! She won't love me back, she has her prison to focus on running. She has a life without me, she doesn't need me. What could she possibly even see in me?
Vera wrote diaries on a daily basis, after every shift. She didn't really like to do it, but she could only write her feelings down on paper because she had no one to listen or of they did, no one would care. She couldn't exactly tell Joan how she felt. Oh no, she was far too scared for that.
She read through her new diary entry, closed the diary and just stared at the little book in front of her. It was quite a dull plain purple colour with a few flowery patterns here and there but Vera sat looking at it appreciating the fact that only she knew about this diary. That was all that mattered to her right now. She shoved the diary under her pillow and lay down starring at the ceiling over thinking the events of the double shift.
She lay there wondering what it would be like to have Joan love her the way she loved Joan. She wondered what Joan’s reaction could be if Vera ended up confessing her love. No. She couldn’t? She wasn’t confident. She was far too scared to talk about anything other than work with Joan. Not that she didn’t trust Joan; it was that one thing that Vera feared... Rejection.
She loved Joan, and she reminded herself of that every time she didn’t want to go into work. She reminded herself she loved Joan as a motivation to push herself to work hard to impress Joan. From Vera’s eyes, it never worked. But of course, others could see Joan was far more impressed with Vera herself rather than her work. Vera was told on a weekly basis that she was treated by the Governor completely different to the rest of officers. Linda was fully aware of how Vera was blinded by the Governors tricks on Vera. None of the other officers gave Linda attention other than Fletcher but when Linda has something to say, she is given all the attention she needs. Vera is aware that Linda is jealous in some way of Vera herself but she is unsure why.
An hour or so had passed with Vera just thinking about Joan, when she decided to go and open a bottle of Chardonnay. She began to pour a glass out when he phone beeped. She put the bottle down and walked over to her mobile and looked at the screen which read *One New Message: Joan* She clicked onto the message and smiled to herself and then reading it out loud “Thank you so much for today Vera. You were amazing”.
Vera realised that after a few minutes she couldn’t stop smiling. She replied back with a simple ‘Anytime. I’m happy to do overtime if I am needed’. She placed her phone down and walked to the kitchen and continued to pour her wine. She took a big sip and placed it down and giggled to herself like a little child. This was not how she would normally act? She got a text from Joan about work, nothing more. She shouldn’t be so happy but she was.
It was a text from the woman she loved.