Archive of Our Own

Sometimes, Sion doesn’t think he was built to hold authority.

“What were you doing in there?”

Sion watches Daeyoung stop in his place — as if his words have the actual physical ability to restrain him. Ha. Sion wonders if he looks intimidating or something right now.

Daeyoung kind of stares at him, wide-eyed, before he looks away. He lets his head hang down instead — giving Sion the perfect view of the tousled mess of hair on his head. He always acts like this around Sion really — the whole pathetic-wet-dog-looking-sad-out-in-the-rain thing. Daeyoung should know by now that the one person his charm doesn’t work on is him. 

“Asking Riku-hyung for something,” Daeyoung mentions, gesturing toward the door he just came out of. The door to Riku and Sion’s bedroom, by the way. 

Sion takes a step closer to him, arms crossed over his chest. He shifts his weight between his feet. “Yeah? And what’d you ask him for?”

He usually doesn’t push with Daeyoung, at least, not like this. He does this with Sakuya and Ryo because he likes annoying them and being in their business. Daeyoung on the other hand, it’s sort of different when it comes to him. It shouldn’t be. It’s really Sion’s fault. Daeyoung just happens to be right in the middle of their age order — a middle child, if you will. They don’t talk that much unless they have to. He’s still the person Sion knows the least. It’s bound to happen; in this line of work, there’s no guarantee that you can be best friends with everyone. Daeyoung is fine. He’s fine. Sion just doesn’t know how to leader him like the rest. 

Daeyoung lifts his head and blinks at him. He seems bewildered at Sion asking, maybe. Sion usually doesn’t ask, but this — Daeyoung coming out of their room — is becoming a habit. Here’s the thing, Sion didn’t question it the first few times, not even the fifth time when he felt like saying something. He could’ve, to Riku. It wouldn’t have been a big deal, Riku would tell him something, probably. 

Ugh. Sion just doesn’t want to be a bother. Riku just got back to the dorm and to their room after months of Sion sleeping alone. He’s trying to give him space and not be so pushy about everything. He’s trying to do that with everyone. Restore the peace they had last year. Sion’s a good leader, right?

“Uh,” Daeyoung says, clearing his throat. Sion watches him stand a little straighter. He has to ignore the urge to wrap an arm around his neck and bring him back down to his level. “Nothing. I borrowed…some jewelry,” he says. 

“You don’t wear jewelry,” Sion responds.

“I-I’m gonna go to the bathroom, Hyung,” Daeyoung rushes out, ignoring his comeback, before moving past him. 

Sion doesn’t even watch him leave, he just tries to clear the scowl off his face before he enters the bedroom. Riku doesn’t need to see him upset or bothered. That would be selfish of him, to make a problem out of something he knows nothing about it. So, he smiles.

Much to Sion’s demise, Riku is already in bed.

His posture goes a little sluggish as he walks further into the room, nearing Riku’s sleeping figure. The younger boy is turned over on his front — face stuffed into his pillow. That means he’s probably not quite knocked out yet, but hoping to get there soon. 

Sion’s eyes flicker down to the strip of skin exposed at his waist and immediately reaches out to pull his shirt down, to you know, cover him up or whatever. His fingers twitch a little when he makes the tiniest bit of contact with Riku’s bare skin. Ha. He’s being weird. 

Sion fixes the covers over Riku’s body next, and then settles into his own bed. 

It happens again, but this time Sion doesn’t corner Daeyoung to get him to talk. 

Instead, like the mature 22 year old he is, Sion hides behind a corner, tracking Daeyoung’s movements as he exits his and Riku’s bedroom. Hair tousled again. Clothes disheveled again. Sion feels his brows string together in real time. What the fuck could they be doing?

He glares at Daeyoung until he’s gone and out of sight, then finally makes his way to the bedroom. This time when he opens the door, Riku is not asleep. He’s just sitting on his bed scrolling through his phone. 

“Hey,” Sion says. 

“Hiiiii,” Riku responds, continuing to scroll through his phone without throwing Sion a glance. 

What’s weird is that nothing seems out of the ordinary when he peers around the room. Riku’s bed is perfectly made. Riku doesn’t even look as messed up as Daeyoung always does. He looks like he did when Sion saw him earlier. Huh. 

Sion climbs into his bed. “Hey, Riku.”

“Hm?”

“Do you think Daeyoungie is acting weird these days?” Sion makes sure to watch Riku’s body language — to see if anything he says gets a reaction. It doesn’t come though. Riku continues scrolling through his phone. He even rubs a hand up his shirt to scratch at his stomach. Sion, of course, can’t help but look when he does that. 

“No, why?”

“He’s being weird to me.”

“Well that’s because it’s you.”

Sion laughs a little, kind of annoyed because he knows Riku is right. “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

Riku pushes himself to sit up. He drops his phone to his lap. “Hyung, you have to be nicer to him,” Riku says. Sion doesn’t like the tone of his voice when he says that. Nor the look or expression on his face when he says that. What is this? He’s defensive over Jaehee now?

“I am nice!” Sion says a bit too loud for his liking. He shuts his mouth immediately. Riku’s eyes widen slightly in surprise, before he laughs. 

He points at Sion. “You got defensive. That means you know I’m right.”

Sion tears his eyes away from him and sinks down into his bed, head on his pillow now. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He’s nice to Daeyoung. He does tons of things he’s not obligated to do for him — like helping him at practice. Staying late after practice to help him with more practice. Sion doesn’t have to do any of that. Shit, there he goes again. Sion’s a bad leader. 

“It’s more than what you do for him at practice,” Riku says, like he can read Sion’s mind and all his thoughts. Fuck this. “He needs you outside of that too.”

“Okay,” Sion responds, to get him to stop talking, “I’ll work on that.” He says it, but he feels insincere about it. Daeyoung doesn’t need him. He has Riku and Yushi. He’s gotten along fine for over a year now. 

They say their goodnights. Then the lights turn off. Then, they’re submerged into silence. About an hour passes and Sion fails to fall asleep, so he sits up in his bed, and glances over at Riku across the room. 

Again, no covers on his body. They’re pushed down to his thighs like he got hot in his sleep or something. Sion creeps out of bed, in order to avoid making much noise, and pads over to Riku’s bed. 

Standing above him like this, Sion can see more. This time Riku is laying on his back, but again, his shirt is rising. Sion reaches to pull it down, again, just like he did last night, because he just doesn’t want Riku to get cold, but there’s something. It looks like a mark? Just right above his belly button. Unable to stop himself, Sion lifts Riku’s shirt, and sees a trail of marks on his torso. 

There are a million things going through Sion’s mind. First is that Riku is careless. Every idol knows that if you fool around, you can’t leave marks behind. Second, and more important, who is Riku fooling around with, and why is it not Sion?

Sion brushes the tip of his index finger over one spot, eyes lurching up to Riku’s face when he makes a sound. Please don’t wake up, he thinks. I’d look weird if you woke up right now. Riku shifts around slightly, but then falls silent again. 

Sion lets out a sigh of what he thinks is relief, pulls the covers over Riku, and crawls back to his own bed. 

Asking Riku and Daeyoung is out of the picture, so Sion asks someone else. 

“Do you think Riku and Daeyoung have something going on?”

Yushi takes a sip of his water. “Don’t know,” he says casually. Fuck, does anyone know anything around here? He can’t ask Ryo and Sakuya. Sion slouches.

“Why do you ask?” 

Sion goes over the story he can tell Yushi in his head, but half way through it starts sounding ridiculous. He sounds like a maniac and a pervert, kind of. I saw hickeys on Riku’s stomach while he was sleeping. He can’t say that shit.

“No reason.”

Yushi cocks his head. “Is this because you still have a crush on Riku?”

“I don’t have a crush on him!” Sion whisper-yells. Yushi smiles, showing all of his teeth, before he laughs. “Yes you do.”

“I just,” Sion begins, desperate to shift the topic, “I keep seeing Daeyoung come out of our room at night.”

“Is going into another room forbidden, did you make up new leader rules?” Yushi jokes. No, he didn’t, but he should. 

Sion shrugs. “It’s just weird.”

Yushi nods, looking at Riku across the practice room, sitting with Daeyoung and laughing. He hums. “You’re right, that is weird. Want me to ask him about it?”

“No, don’t,” Sion says, realizing that he’d rather not know the truth. He’d rather be kept in the dark. That would preserve his sanity more. Yeah. He should just forget all of this. 

One good quality of a leader is having patience. Sometimes Sion does, other times his tolerance is running low. Running thin. Running out.

“Who gave you this?”

Sion releases his grip on the collar of Daeyoung’s shirt and points at the hickey at the base of his neck. 

To think, if Sion hadn’t come into Daeyoung and Ryo’s room to get something Ryo stole from him, he would’ve never noticed this. The shirt Daeyoung has on today is too baggy, too generous with showing things that should be hidden. Is Sion in a group full of reckless kids or what?

Daeyoung stares up at him, looking scared for his life. And, admittedly, that fills a part of Sion with sick joy for some odd reason. With him standing and Daeyoung sitting on the edge of his bed, it makes this all feel even better. 

“I scratched myself,” Daeyoung says, but not confidently enough to believe, before slapping a hand over his neck. He forces a nervous laugh, eyes darting to the ground then back up to Sion. 

“No,” Sion says, pulling his hand away from his neck. He nudges on Daeyoung’s head, makes him bear his neck. Sion squints. Yup. Hickey. He’s not stupid. “So who gave it to you?”

“Hyung…do you really need to know that?”

“Yes. You’re putting the group in jeopardy. Imagine if a fan saw this,” he says. And it’s really just something to scare the truth out of him. He knows how Daeyoung works. How he makes himself smaller to fit in instead of out. He doesn’t want to mess up anything or draw too much attention. 

Daeyoung’s eyes widen. “I’ll cover it up. I’m sorry,” he says under his breath. Hit dog.

Sion should leave it at this. He knows he should, but he’s kind of fucked up to hell. “It’s not that easy.”

Daeyoung nods. “I know.”

“If you knew, you wouldn’t have it,” Sion frowns. “Hey, Kim Jaehee,” he says. On impulse, he presses his thumb into the mark, enjoying and hating the way Daeyoung flinches away.

“Yes, hyung.”

“Did Riku give you this?”

Unlike Riku, Daeyoung is an open book. All of his emotions read on his face and Sion has caught him. Ha. “Uh-”

“Be careful with how you answer that.”

“Yes, but-”

He starts to ramble on, but Sion is not even listening. He’s just watching his thumb and how it’s touching a place where Riku’s mouth has been. The truth tastes like bile in his throat. Riku gave you this? If Sion lets himself be selfish for one moment, wouldn’t it make more sense for Riku to fool around with him? Don’t they have something? Are all the times Riku says he can’t look him in the eye because he’s too handsome, for show? Doesn’t Riku like Sion the way Sion likes him? 

“Ah, Hyung, you’re hurting me,” Daeyoung whines. Sion releases his hand from where it was settled around Daeyoung’s throat. His thumb stops pressing into the hickey like he’s trying to poke it through his flesh. Fuck, what’s wrong with him? 

Sion forces himself to turn away. “Whatever you're doing with him, just don’t leave marks,” he says over his shoulder.

Sion is a good leader, a great one perhaps. 

Daeyoung is not listening to him. 

Sion knows he isn’t because he’s staring at marks on Riku’s back again. This time Riku’s shirt was already exposing half of his back, so Sion just pushed it up further and left it like that. The bruises are an ugly purple color. Tiny little things. Sion doesn’t touch them this time. Since they were made by Daeyoung, he has no interest. He’s curious about the one’s made by Riku though. 

The leader card is a privilege at times. Not all the time. 

Sion tells Ryo to switch sleeping arrangements for a night and promises he can steal something from Sion as a treat. Ryo didn’t question it, he likes clinging to Riku anyway. 

And it’s funny, to see Daeyoung’s shocked face when Sion slips into the room. He obviously wasn’t expecting Sion.

“Hyung? Where’s Ryo?”

“He wanted to sleep with Riku, poor thing is home sick I think,” Sion easily lies as he stretches out his arms. 

Daeyoung looks down at his lap and nods. “Oh.”

Sion sits on the edge of Daeyoung’s bed. He has to resist the urge to laugh at the way Daeyoung is staring at him. He’s looking at Sion like he’s an alien. Not part of this world and definitely not someone who belongs in Daeyoung’s. That’s too bad. Sion is here to stay.

Sion pats his covered knee twice, and smiles sweetly. “Daeyoung-ah, do you remember what I told you not to do?”

Daeyoung nods a couple of times. “We haven’t—I haven’t done that. To Riku-hyung. That is.”

Sion feels his skin crawl at the we. He’s referring to them like they’re some type of pair. Are they? Are they dating or something? Sion had never even thought of the possibility of that. And the fact that they're still doing it. Was Sion not scary enough to make Daeyoung call it all off? How do they even find the time? The privacy?

“You’re a liar,” Sion says.

“What?” Daeyoung’s voice cracks. Sion grins.

“Shouldn’t you be ashamed for lying to your Hyung? What did I do to deserve being lied to?”

Sion swears he can see Daeyoung’s pupils wobble. Woah, is he going to cry? “Nothing! I’m sorry, Hyung. I am. I just-”

“Did you do something with him tonight?”

Daeyoung kind of glances at him then back to his hands. Like he knows he has no way out of this now. “An hour ago.” An hour ago? Sion was laying on the couch an hour ago while they were doing God knows what in his room? 

“Take off your shirt,” Sion decides.

“What?”

“Show me where Riku leaves marks on you.” Sion cringes inside when he says that, but he needs to see. It’s the only thing he’ll think about if he doesn’t see. 

Daeyoung kind of glitches, before eventually ripping his shirt over his head. He’s nothing Sion hasn’t seen before. It’s not a huge deal. But that is. 

The little group of hickeys decorating the space under his collarbones. Riku is calculated, leaving marks that are only a slither away from being exposed. One mess up, and Daeyoung is getting yelled at by management. Riku is more than calculated — Sion practically doesn’t know him at all.

Sion crawls on his knees and hands up the bed. And he swears Daeyoung shifts back, like he’s trying to get away. That’s funny. Cute even, that he thinks he can accomplish that

“Sit still,” Sion snaps. His hands bracket Daeyoung’s hips as he pushes himself to get a closer look. 

The mark that he’s face to face with looks fresh. It’s red, a little swollen, but not completely there yet. Sion mindlessly attaches his lips to the spot, letting his eyes flutter closed. Riku put his mouth here, he thinks. This is practically the closest Sion will ever get to kissing him, in a way. Daeyoung lets out a small strangled noise after a moment, reminding Sion of his presence. Sion pulls back and stares at his flushed face. He should probably apologize for doing that without warning, crawl out of his bed and go stuff himself into Ryo’s, but he doesn’t, he stays there.

“Hyung.”

Sion’s eyes flicker down to his mouth. “Do you guys kiss each other?”

Daeyoung blushes. “Uh, sometimes.”

“Did you do it an hour ago?”

“Yes.”

Unlike how he is with Daeyoung on a normal basis, Sion isn’t hesitant about this. He kisses him, again, without warning, chasing the aftermath of Riku. The trace that he left here. Whatever it fucking is. Sion wants it. Daeyoung is greedy for keeping it to himself. He doesn’t take into account how his body is moving naturally — the way he straddles Daeyoung and traps him against his headboard. 

Then there’s Sion lifting a hand to hold his jaw, encouraging him to open it wider. It’s an actual indirect kiss. Basically, now, Sion has kissed Riku. But it’s not fulfilling. He wants more. 

Sion opens his eyes. And then he’s too aware of what he’s doing now, and the fact that Daeyoung is actually kissing him back, quite enthusiastically actually. There’s no way he’s dating Riku. Sion breaks their kiss, panting harshly as he crawls off of Daeyoung immediately. 

Shame is funny. It kind of hits him like a brick to the face as he turns his back to him. Sion rubs a hand over his own hot cheek. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to do all that,” he mumbles out. 

He’s lying. He did. He feels shame, but doesn’t exactly regret it. Sion touches his fingers to his lips and smiles privately. He’s placed his lips on the same places where Riku has put his. He must be insane for liking it so much. 

“It’s okay Hyung, I liked it.”

Sion feels a laugh bubbling up in his chest and threatening to come out. He turns. “Hey, are you dating Riku? If you are, you're a bad boyfriend,” Sion mentions, raking his eyes over Daeyoung’s frame. He looks shaken. Shit, Sion did that to him didn’t he?

Daeyoung shakes his head, he laughs a little, reminding Sion that his snag tooth is gone. “No, we’re not dating.”

That’s something to make Sion happy, at least. That night, he sleeps in Ryo’s bed like a baby.

Sion didn’t know that he’d be starting a routine, but he’s also not surprised. He’s descending into madness as each day passes. Soon he will be nothing but a ball of insanity probably. 

“What’s it like to touch him?”

Sion knows it’s a weird question. Daeyoung has gotten used to everything weird he does or says. Sion kind of likes that about him. He wouldn’t admit that to his face though.

“Riku-hyung? He’s…soft. Kind of small. It’s similar to touching you actually.”

Touching him? They don’t do much. Sion will just sit in his lap and kiss him until he can’t breathe anymore. Sometimes Daeyoung will hold him, and sometimes Sion really likes that- Okay. 

Sion turns on his side, away from him to hide his red face. “I didn’t ask you about me.”

“Sorry.”

“And I’m asking you what it’s like to touch his dick,” he clarifies.

He listens to Daeyoung kind of shift around. He’s probably bothered by Sion taking up all this space in his bed. “I don’t know…I’ve only done it once, he usually touches mine.”

Really? The more Sion learns about their relationship the more he wonders why they even have one. Sion looks over his shoulder. “There’s hickey’s all down his back and you don’t even jerk him off? You’re a freak,” he half-jokes. Shit, he just revealed he knows what’s on Riku’s back. Hopefully Daeyoung wasn’t paying attention to that.

“I just do what hyung tells me to.”

Ah. So that’s how it is. Riku likes to push people around. Is that why he chose Daeyoung over him? Does Sion give off the impression that it’s not possible to push him around? It is. He’d let Riku do anything to him and he’d do anything Riku tells him to. How could Riku not see that? They’re only one year apart. They’re practically friends. How does Sion break down the wall between them? 

“I kissed him again, hyung,” Daeyoung says, grabbing his attention again. “Like 10 minutes ago, before you came in.”

10 minutes ago. Riku’s mouth was on Daeyoung’s 10 minutes ago. 

Sion turns on his side to face him again. “Does he stick his tongue in your mouth?”

Daeyoung laughs. Sion smiles, but is annoyed. “I’m being serious.”

“Sometimes, he did this time.”

That’s enough for him. “Okay. I’m going to kiss you now.”

Everytime Sion’s lips meet Daeyoung he tries not to think about it too much.

Usually he doesn’t — too hyperfocused on the idea of possible swapping spit with Riku through Daeyoung. It’s gross. It’s nasty. He’s a pervert. Riku would probably hate him if he knew. He just doesn’t care. 

Sion kind of moans, when their tongues flick together, and it scares him so bad he pulls back. He doesn’t ever do that. Sometimes Daeyoung makes noises, but he’s better at drowning those out. Or pretending he’s Riku when they’re particularly high.

“Sorry,” Sion says quickly, pulling away and climbing out of the bed. He hears Daeyoung say it’s okay, but it gets lost in his ears. He’s already skittering away, like a hit animal. This was a bad idea. Bad one. Tomorrow he’ll tell Ryo that they can go back to how they usually sleep.

“You’ve been distant lately,” Riku says, into Sion’s back, to be specific. Sion was laying down in bed with his eyes shut, before he felt a body sneak next to him. He hated the way he stiffened up when Riku’s arms curled around his waist.

“Have I?” he responds, even though he knows he has. 

“Yeah, Ryo told me he didn’t know why you two switched beds.” Great, that’s the last time Sion trusts Ryo with sticking to a script. He originally told him that he was “helping Daeyoung with facial expressions and stuff.” Now that he thinks about it, that’s a dumb lie. 

“Well I’m back. I was just spending time with Daeyoungie, like you suggested,” he says, a bit bitterly. It’s not like it’s a lie. Riku did say that.

Riku’s hands sneak under his t-shirt. Sion shivers. Why does he insist on torturing him? “But Hyungggg, that doesn’t mean you have to spend more time with him than me.”

“You missed me?”

“...Yes.”

That makes Sion so pathetically happy. Happy enough to turn around in Riku’s arms so that they’re facing each other. Riku kind of looks away, shyly, when he does. 

“You can’t even look at me,” Sion laughs, poking his shoulder. 

“It’s because you’re too handsome, I get nervous.”

“You say that everytime. It’s getting old,” he jokes. 

Sion holds Riku in his arms until he falls asleep that night. He should feel happy now, but he’s not. They still don’t have anything. Riku can say this, and do that, but at the end of the day, he’s still kissing Daeyoung instead of Sion.

Riku is brother-zoning him, according to Daeyoung, but like, what does he know?

They’re at the airport, trailing behind everyone else. It's been a while since they’ve last kissed or what Sion refers to as indirectly kissing Riku.

“He talks about you sometimes,” Daeyoung mentions.

Sion lights up. “While you guys do it?” 

“No…in general.”

He deflates. “Oh.”

“Last week, he was worried you were upset with him. He really cares about you, you know, and respects you.”

I don’t want him to respect me, Sion thinks. If Riku didn’t respect him, maybe he’d jump his bones by now. Sion is miserable. He hates it. Hates this. Hates being the leader at times. Hates being the oldest.

Daeyoung nudges his shoulder into Sion’s. “Riku told me to come to his hotel room tonight, I can come to you afterwards.”

Sion makes a face. “You…don’t have to Daeyoung-ah. I’ve been meaning to apologize to you too. Sorry,” Sion says, not even mentioning what he’s saying sorry for. He’s kind of stupid. 

“Okay,” Daeyoung says, putting some distance between them. Sion kind of side glances at him, already wanting him to come back. “I’ll come check on you anyway, to make sure,” Daeyoung adds on. It should feel sweet, but it’s really not. Sion is using him, kind of. Maybe Daeyoung knows that and feels obligated to let him. Since, you know, Sion is the stupid leader. Ugh.

“Thanks.”

Sion does find himself waiting, despite telling Daeyoung he doesn’t have to. And when hears a knock on the door he can’t stop himself from springing up from the bed. 

When Sion opens the door Daeyoung…looks a complete mess. Does Riku really rock his world like that? Sion is jealous. And it’s not pretty jealousy. 

“Hi,” Daeyoung says, lamely. 

Sion doesn’t respond, but instead yanks him in and closes the door behind him. Then, as if they have no time to spare, Sion is kissing him. Hands sandwiching his face, pulling him close. Daeyoung even smells like Riku, it’s all over him. It’s driving Sion crazy like a mad-man as he materializes a Riku of his own in his head. Daeyoung isn't even whining, or talking like he usually does, which makes that easier to do this time. 

Admittedly, the lack of that also feels weird. Sion cracks his eyes open and pulls away from him.

“Hyung,” Daeyoung pants out.

“Hm?”

“He blew me…and it’s still-”

Sion is good without the details. He cuts him off. “Take your pants off then.”

It’s fun to watch him ungracefully fall back onto the bed. Daeyoung is actually the one person who he hasn’t seen like this. So Sion doesn’t really know what to think looking at Daeyoung’s cock slap up against his stomach.

He probably should think nothing at all, so what they’re doing isn’t weirder than it already is. Sion crawls onto the bed next, not hesitating to grab Daeyoung in his hand when he gets there. 

“Woah,” he can’t help but say, gawking at how wet he is. 

“Riku-hyung…is kind of messy,” Daeyoung says quietly.

The comment makes heat stir at the bottom of Sion’s stomach, and then, he goes into overdrive. He’s crouching down, settling his hands on Daeyoung’s thighs, and taking him into his mouth. 

Sucking Daeyoung’s dick may officially be the closest he’ll ever get to Riku, so he’ll make the most out of it. He too is ungraceful though. It’s too wet in his mouth, making Sion cringe. It’s too big for his mouth — the seams of his lips feel like they’re a moment away from tearing. 

But Riku was here. 

Sion’s sharing an intimate moment with him in his standards. It makes his heart pound in his chest. Riku, Riku, Riku, his mind chants as he goes down further. He gags a little halfway there and tears prick at the corners of his eyes. But the burn feels good. 

Daeyoung tugs on his hair to pull him off a split second later, ruining his moment, and then a stripe of cum hits his cheek. 

Once that happens Sion jerks back — away from the whole thing. He rises to his feet, and scurries to the bathroom.

Sion has issues. 

He thinks he’s too pent up and that’s why he’s being weird about everything. Technically he hasn’t gotten off in weeks. He’s only, he guesses, helped Daeyoung with that. Daeyoung. Sion shivers a little, and shakes his head. 

Right now he’s in his room with the door stupidly unlocked. Riku is at the company, catching up with stuff and what not, so Sion decided to take the chance. 

The amaetur stuff always does the trick for him. He has his airpods. They’re making his ears hurt because he’s laying on his side but it’s fine. This is fine, and it’ll bring him some relief. 

He finds a video of a couple where the bottom is kind of skinny and lanky, but small and that’s enough for Sion to project Riku onto so he watches it.

Halfway through he’s half hard and palming himself, but then he notices that he’s focusing way more on the top, and how his frame strangely resembles Daeyoung’s. Daeyoung.

Fuck, no. Sion shuts his eyes and listens to the noises instead. Yeah, that’ll do it. Slipping his hand under the waistband of his sweats is easy. He’s already leaking pre, so the slide is good. The thought of going across the room and doing this in Riku’s bed crosses his mind. He’d be able to breathe in the scent on his pillow. He’s pathetic and a desperate mess.

Then randomly, Daeyoung crosses his mind. The image of him and his messed up appearance as he cums is hard to escape suddenly. Sion’s eyes flash open because he needs to avoid that. At all costs. 

He finishes, but it doesn’t feel that great. So after he washes up, Sion lays in Riku’s bed for a moment. 

Descend into madness. Sion is getting swallowed by a black hole of madness. 

He’s laying on the practice room floor. There’s probably 20 cameras in here tracking their every movement so he’s definitely not doing anything out of the ordinary. But something is weird.

He’s watching him. Daeyoung is watching him. He has been this entire practice.

Riku’s slowly easing his way back into what he appears in. When Daeyoung’s best man isn’t here, he’s usually somewhere alone. He’s sitting with his back against the wall, eyes watching the way Sion’s chest rises and then falls. Sion squirms and then turns away from him to go find Sakuya. 

“Are you okay? You’re kind of being weird all the time now,” Yushi mentions a few days later when they’re alone. All the time? Damn, not even some of the time. It’s not like Sion can really deny it.

“No. Tell me how to understand why someone does something that they shouldn’t.”

“Why are you always coming to me for advice about Riku?”

“It’s not even about Riku!” It’s not a complete lie. Yes, Riku is still the center of the conflict. Sion wants to understand why he’s fucking Daeyoung. But it’s not only that, Sion wants to understand why he can’t get Daeyoung out of his head as well.

“Sure,” Yushi laughs, “I don’t know. Put yourself in his shoes.”

“It’s not about Riku.”

“You already said that."

Sion decides to try to understand Riku first. He does it while looming over his sleeping figure, once again. 

Still no touching. Sion’s deadly afraid of him waking up and seeing him just...looking at him. He doesn’t even think he’d be able to go on if that happened.

Riku’s waist is small, maybe he likes Daeyoung to hold it. Maybe he likes that Daeyoung has large hands. Sion takes a moment to stare at his own hands. They’re not very big, if he’s honest. Riku’s are larger than his. All Sion has over him is height. Isn’t that enough? Who cares about hands?

Speaking of height, Daeyoung is even taller than Sion. If Riku did like tall guys Daeyoung beats him in that as well. Daeyoung beats him in a lot of things actually — fuck, it’s really pissing Sion off.

He sighs. This is all dumb. This is going to be his last day doing any of this — being like this. Sion is done. 

Sion is not done. 

It came to him at 3 in the morning. Like Yushi said, he has to put himself in Riku’s shoes. If he wants to know why Riku is attracted to Daeyoung, he should just find out for himself.

“Hyung, I didn’t do anything with Riku-hyung today,” Daeyoung stammers out, eyebrows practically flying off his forehead. Probably because of the way Sion is settled over him — caging him in against the bed. 

“I know,” Sion mentions, eyes wandering his face. He’s handsome, a little more mature looking compared to the first time they met a year and some ago. Sion can accept that Riku is attracted to him. 

“You’re not dating him, right? That’s what you said.”

“I’m not.”

“So help Hyung out then. Don’t you like me?”

Sion freezes after the words leave his mouth. Ew. Is he insecure? Is that what this is? A bitter battle with himself to find out that he’s just seeking attention and affection? Sion kind of crumples at the realization, even contemplating climbing off of Daeyoung and just going back to his room. 

But Daeyoung’s hands find a way to his hips. Sion gazes down at him. 

“Hyung, I’ll help you out,” he says, before smiling sweetly. Sion feels weird when he does that. Riku must feel like this too. 

Sion yelps kind of, when Daeyoung drags him down by the neck. Then they’re kissing, except this time it feels too real and weird. Okay, Sion is kissing Daeyoung and not pretending that he’s kissing Riku, for once. This is okay. It’s nice. Sion is kind of kissing his bottom lip more than anything, but it’s nice?

“Open,” Sion pants out, when they part, but he stays close, nose pressed into Daeyoung’s cheek, “open your mouth.”

Then the kiss is deepening. Daeyoung’s hands are tangled in Sion’s hair and Sion’s hands are in Daeyoung’s. Sion embarrassingly lets out a whine when Daeyoung bites down on his bottom lip. 

“Ow. You’re rough, don’t bite me,” Sion comments. 

“Riku likes it,” Daeyoung says and Sion has an urge to tell him to leave Riku out of it. But that would sound weird coming from him, right? This is all about Riku. Never just him and Daeyoung. 

Something about that, makes unease settle in his chest. So Sion kisses him again to ignore it. 

They kiss like that for a few moments, and Sion becomes less inclined to hide his noises. His dick is filling out in his shorts and he needs something — anything. A voice in the back of his head is telling him that this is starting to be less about figuring out why Riku likes Daeyoung and more of him being needy. 

Their clothes eventually come off in between kisses and comments about whether or not the door is locked. Sion has to tell Daeyoung to shut the hell up. He prepared thoroughly for this. Didn’t eat for 3 days. Told Ryo he’d buy him whatever he wants if he gets everyone out of the dorm somehow. 

“We’re fine,” Sion assures, when his back hits the bed. Daeyoung lingers over him, pupils dilated. Sion burns under his stare, making the short decision to flip onto his stomach instead. No way Daeyoung is fucking him missionary. That’s too personal. 

Daeyoung kind of drapes himself over Sion, laughing when his chest makes contact with Sion’s back. “You flinch a lot, you’re really like a rabbit.”

“Can you do something? I’m getting impatient,” Sion half whines. He’s pushing his shame aside because he’s already too far into this. 

Sion feels something wet and cold — lube maybe — on his hole next. He has to resist calling Daeyoung weird for having that stored in his drawer. He’s fucking Riku after all, he guesses he has to have some. Before Sion can get annoyed all over again, a finger sinks into him until it’s knuckle deep. 

He winces, even more when Daeyoung presses what’s supposed to be a comforting hand on his back. He doesn’t finger himself often — it’s too messy and inconvenient. He’ll admit that this is nice, especially when he gets used to it a few moments later. One finger turns into two, then three, then Sion finds himself fucking back onto his fingers like it’s the last thing he’ll do. 

“Hyung, can I see your face?”

“N-no, Daeyoung-ah, do it like this,” Sion responds, sighing when the fingers slide out of him finally. 

“Please?”

Sion twitches, turning to look at him. “Are you begging? Really?”

Daeyoung nods. And doesn’t move to show that he’s serious. Really, Sion is rock hard and he’s playing around. After some bickering Sion decides to ride him. Then, when he’s sinking down Daeyoung’s shaft, he’s regretting the entire thing.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, don’t move,” Sion whines, collapsing on Daeyoung’s chest when he bottoms out. His breathing is ugly it sounds like he’s hyperventilating, but Daeyoung is staring at him like it’s the world's most interesting thing.

Sion shivers when Daeyoung’s hands slide down his sides. “Hyung, you’re really tiny here,” he comments, squeezing Sion’s waist. Sion squirms, letting out a moan he can’t keep in when he shifts too much. 

“Dae…Daeyoung-”

“Can I move now?”

“It’s been like 5 seconds!”

“Please?”

Does Riku like desperation or something? Sion’s got plenty, but maybe Daeyoung beats him. Maybe it’s more appealing when it’s a younger guy, because Sion is feeling his cock twitch at Daeyoung begging to fuck on him. Unfortunately. 

Sion eventually lets him move after some moments of adjusting. He barely does so, he still feels like he’s being split open. Still half regretting doing this at all because he’ll feel it in the morning. He can’t do anything but hook his arms over Daeyoung’s shoulders as he ruts up into him. 

It takes a while for Sion to leave the whining powerless phase before he gets that familiar feeling sneaking up on him. He starts meeting Daeyoung’s thrusts in the middle, slamming down, chasing that high. 

He keeps gasping, especially when Daeyoung decides to grope his chest without warning. “Hyung is really pretty,” he mentions, like it’s nothing. Sion glances down at him and finds him not even looking at Sion’s face. His eyes are glued to his chest — to the finger thumbing over his nipple. Haaa.

Daeyoung fucks him hard when he gets close, forcing them into missionary even though Sion would rather die than be in it. It doesn’t matter. He’s too fucked out to care at that point. Daeyoung attaches his mouth to Sion’s and for once, Sion doesn’t think about how Riku’s mouth was there. 

He comes when Daeyoung calls him pretty again, because Sion likes that attention. Then it’s over. It’s over and Sion is laying in the mess of it all. He still doesn't have Riku, but he can understand why he doesn't, maybe.