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“Toga… Himiko…san?” the name slipped past Shouto lips as he saw the girl that was his enemies appeared in front of him accompanied with the storm or cherry blossom petals like he was before, in these empty place, with only a lone cherry blossom tree and vast flower field as well as never ending blue sky stretched in the horizon.
“Todoroki…Shouto” the wind carried her soft voice towards his ears sound strangely out of place as the cool breeze blowing their hair softly, carrying a sense of tranquility one that is so different and contrast from the war they just fought.
“Ah”
A small sound escaped Shouto pale lips, as exhaustion weighed down his body as if gravity were trying to pull him six feet under. Every single one of his sense were muffled becoming more and more unrecognizable, he faintly could hear his father voice speaking just few meter from him although he could not make sense any of it.
He want to come closer to his family, the childish part of him that never went away want to come to where his father, mother, sister and brothers. Just to hear their voice and words, perhaps also to apologize to his eldest brother, to his mother too… or to whomever willing to listen to his voice that always has been locked inside him.
Shouto sight too, now only limited to what was in front of him and the only thing he could see was blue, blue and even more blue byproduct of his quirk. Everything is blurring around the edges as he was unable to focus his eyes, he could see the silhouette of his family from the corner of his eyes.
And somehow, his traitorous brain thought, how perfect it was if he was never really exist, perhaps his eldest brother will never become Dabi as he will always remain as Touya. Perhaps the tragedy that was started from the moment of his birth would never happen and maybe all those innocent people that meet their demise in his brother hand will still alive. Perhaps Fuyumi will receive the love she always wanted or his brother could spend his youth free of worry and his eldest brother would not destroy himself because he hated Shouto so much. It was heavy weight, even though logically he did not have any hand on those tragedy as it was not his fault, however his traitorous brain couldn’t stop thinking that he was half responsible for the curse that befall upon his family.
He knows, from Fuyumi stories, from the little piece story that come from his mother and Natsuo-nii that Touya was the child Father loved the most. That it really was almost the perfect picture of a family, that his eldest brother is everything Todoroki Enji and Endeavor wants.
It's just sad that the man could never satisfied with what he already has.
Himiko curiously looking at the other boy in front of her, the boy that is Dabi little brother, seeing the expressionless face and clear eyes looking at her, Himiko somehow could feel those heterochromia eyes in her. As if those eyes could look into her, see something similar that Ochako-chan tries to embrace.
One of his eyes is the same shade and color of Dabi- no Touya-kun and the other one remind her with Geten eyes.
Those eyes looking at her like how Ochako-chan see her, like how Touya-kun sees her like Twice sees her, like how their eyes see her as human being, as a person like everybody else, when she know he know what she’s done, when she know that they’re on the different side of this war
“What are you doing here?” She asked the other. Curious, because, because… she’s here because she’s dead.
The boy tilted his head, expression still the same. “I should ask you the same” his deep and soft voice replied.
“Ochako-…chan” her own voice sound unfamiliar in Himiko ears, as she’s looking at the unconscious girl beside her. Her bloodied hand cupped the cheek of the brown haired girl, while her other hand hold Ochako hand. It’s still warm ‘thank goodness’, she fleetingly think, how the feel of the other body temperature could calm her down.
‘How strange’ she think.
“How kind” the voice that still sounds unfamiliar rasped from her own lips, Himiko half lidded eyes still looking at the girl who fought her earlier. The girl who still try and keep trying, with determination, with desperate plea, with eyes so clear and with heart so kind, someone who almost resigned her own life on Himiko hand ready to die in her hand and still keep trying. The girl who was crying for Himiko, want to hear Himiko story, to understand Himiko.
How she wish they could meet earlier, how she wish someone like her were exist in the past, how she wish they could talk about love more, how she wish they could meet outside of the battlefield.
Shouto did not move from his place even after the shocking appearance of Himiko Toga in front of him is surprising. He observed the other girl silently, noting that she’s clad in her usual sailor uniform that looking far more pristine then whenever he see her, with no blood and grime staining her.
Like him, with his UA high school uniform hugged his body comfortably instead of his tattered hero costume he wore previously.
She looks just like any other person he meet on the street, like normal high school girl.
The boy still did not move nor was he getting ready on his usual battle stance, he just stand here looking at her. As ifs she was not a villain, the one who was responsible for his friends suffering as he’s just like any other person.
“Why did you not attack me?” Himiko curiously ask the other.
“Do you want me to?” Shouto tilted his head.
“No”
“We’re dead… probably” Shouto stated simply, turning his head to look around the same scenery as far as he can see.
“I don’t think we could die for the second time here and I don’t want to test it if I can help it” his steady voice continued his reasoning,.
Then Himiko saw the boy turn his back towards her and walking steadily over the cherry tree behind him, before he plopped himself to the ground as his back on the tree bark, everything he did with very casual and non threatening manner. As if he’s explicitly said he’s not seeking fight with her.
She saw his face still with the same expression, eyes closed and steady breath. Hesitantly Himiko found herself walking slowly towards the boy, still looking at the other body expression and found nothing. Even after she sat down beside him, not too close but also not too far from Todoroki, he did not flinch or move away like what people usually did.
just like that, they both sat in silence side by side, savoring the mixed sensation of warmth of the sun and the cool breeze on their skin, looking at the vast flower field without words.
The sound of his heart beat is the only sound he could hear clear in his ears, it was dangerously weak Shouto notice. He did not have any strength to lift his finger, Shouto not even sure if he still can feel his finger anymore, it could fall off his body and he will never know.
Shouto notice the weak movement of his chest as he was desperately gasping for oxygen, how painful is it even for breathing, how taxing it is just to perform that simple task that a human body should be able to do it unconsciously, Shouto know he should get help as soon as possible but there’s nothing he could do when every inch of his body were numb.
The paramedic in the area is still busy with the civilian, because the aftermath of his brother and the collateral damage of this still active war.
Everything is so cold, too cold even for him. His heart felt like freezing inside his own body as if his veins were filled with ice, one of many warning sign that something went wrong. As his heart is in the left side of his body, it is supposed to be warm but it felt freezing right now. Shouto felt like his own heart pumped ice cold blood to the rest of his body.
And… there’s strange feeling coming from inside of him, the unnatural peace he felt, the twinge of hurt in his chest, worry that still plagued his mind as well as overwhelming relief that washes his body.
“Have you… ever thought…what happened if the world was a little kinder?” Himiko hummed, absentmindedly asking those question out loud to no one but the boy beside her who could hear her.
A soft sound escaped Shuoto lips “Sometimes,… Have you?”
Himiko nodded “mmh”, mind wandering into memory lane, imagine what happen if her parents were just a little but kinder, if her teacher were a little bit more understanding, or the people back then can see her hurting “yeah, I stopped thinking about it after I killed my 3rd victim. And my fight with Ochako-chan got me thinking about it again”
It such beautiful world she thought, maybe she could meet Ochaco-chan earlier, maybe they could be friends, maybe she could feel the love she deserve form her parents. But all of those were only her unattainable wish, one she indulges lately to ease the pain that still echoing from inside her. Of a wish that there were someone who could save her so much earlier.
Although she’s happy enough to meet the League of villains, finding people who she can connect, people who she care about, sharing their pain with each other because society brand and view them as no more than dirt. Condemning them for something that they could not control and blaming them because they were just looking place to fit in.
“I’ll never exist” a sudden voice coming for side startled Himiko.
“If the world were kind then I will never born” his expression is still the same even after he uttered those words casually.
“If the world were kind then… all of this will never happen”
If the world were kind then, maybe father would only love Toya and no one else. Maybe his eldest brother would never destroyed himself just to seek their father approval. Maybe his mother would never become that broken shell of herself because of him. maybe his sister will lead a better and happier life with the responsibility of taking care Shouto, maybe Natsuo will not feel left out.
There’s so many maybe, and thinking about what if only hurt Shouto more.
If the world were kind then, someone will see the burn and bruises littering his skin and ask if he’s okay.
But the world is not kind and he spent fifteen years of his life trying to scrap little color and happiness as best as he can to not lost himself.
The unnatural silence sound so loud in Himiko ears, in this destroyed place as she crouched beside the girl who give her all to fight her. With syringe connecting her into Ochaco there’s conviction and strange bravery that Himiko feel within herself. Her blurry eyes looking up into cloudy sky above the to the girl who’s looking at her with desperate plea as if she want to stop Himiko. She could feel the blood being drain from her own body, how with each second the pain grew to become unbearable. as the strength slowly leaving her body, Himiko slowly brought her body to lay beside Ochaco, ignoring the tiny sharp rock that digging into her. With the little strength she could muster, Himiko moved her body to be closer to Ochaco-chan and brought her into half embrace.
There’s so many things she want to talk about with each other, to this kind girl in her embrace who willingly want to share Himiko pain and try her best to understand Himiko.
‘Even so, I, Himiko Toga lived exactly how I wanted to’
Shouto could feel tears pooled in the corner of his eyes but before it could rolled down his face it become frozen as it touched his skin. His weak breath passed his trembling lips when he felt like his body was locked in place.
It’s incredibly and painfully lonely, knowing his whole family just few steps away from him. The childish desire to be with them always sits here in the middle of his chest since as long as he could remember. Shouto was used to loneliness but knowing that his family was together and within reach and he just lying here alone, it brought another kind of pain.
Faintly he heard a rapid footsteps growing closer, he blinked slowly when shadow fall down above him. A blurry white and blue overlapped in his sight. Shouto could not hear anything even though the person beside him shouted his name multiple times, calling him to hold on, he did not hear their panicked voice or their mournful cries. He did not register when his body was brought into their embrace or when his limp hand was being gripped in tight and warm hold.
He couldn’t help but feel light and slightly happier when he remember his classmates, he hopes they all doing well.
Shouto was just fifteen and there’s so many things he want to tell his mother, father, siblings, including the one he just fought with. But maybe this will be the end.
In an unknown place with its vast flower filed, two children falls asleep. Accompanied by cheerful sounds of birds singing, gentle breeze caressing their skin
and hair fluttered with the wind. Under the beautiful cherry three these soul depart with peace.