Chapter Text
I'm just suggesting
You and I might not be the best thing x
Kaidan sat with his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. Having his commanding officer rescue him from the grip of a Prothean beacon, only to have said officer take the effects of it himself was certainly not how he pictured his new posting to the Normandy going.
“You alright there, Alenko?”
He didn't need to look up to see who it was - the scent of Shepard's biotic field preceded him. It had been a long time since Kaidan spent an extended amount of time around another biotic, and he was still trying to get used to the new normal. Because of the way biotic fields manifested in humans, it meant that each person who could use biotics had a signature ‘smell’ based on how the eezo nodes interacted with their skin. Just like body odour, Kaidan couldn't tell what his own smelled like, but he had been told that it smelled like autumn leaves and milk tea.
“Just fine.” Kaidan gritted his teeth, pushing himself to his feet. “Thanks again for saving my ass down there, sir.”
Shepard snorted, clearly amused. If anything, Kaidan was at least relieved that he wasn't being given a dressing down. Given the Commander's reputation, he was more surprised he wasn't being yelled at. Perhaps Shepard was still feeling the effects of the beacon, if the twitching in his cheek was any indication.
“Don't worry about it.” Shepard said, in a tone that meant Kaidan was definitely going to worry about it for at least the next few weeks.
Kaidan had found an unexpected friend and ally in Ashley Williams. He'd have thought being one of the last surviving soldiers from the Alliance team on Eden Prime would have put a chip on her shoulder, but she seemed to have embraced her new surroundings without missing a beat, something Kaidan thought he would have struggled at if he were in her position.
He was just down in the cargo bay helping her inventory some gear when Shepard strode out of the lift looking like he wanted to murder something.
“Watch out, Commander's on the warpath.” Ash muttered under her breath. Kaidan nodded, trying to put away the last of the gear they'd scattered on the bench as quietly as possible.
“Alenko, Williams.” Shepard yelled out, and the two of them snapped to attention. “When I said to count inventory I meant you should delegate the work, not do it yourselves. You're officers, not grunts for crying out loud.”
He turned to glare at Kaidan, and it almost made him want to shrivel up and disappear were it not from years of training.
“And you, Alenko. You're not exactly acting like you earned your Lieutenant bars. Do you want me ask Anderson about reassigning you when we get to the Citadel?”
Kaidan straightened up. “No, sir. Sorry, sir. Won't happen again.”
The corner of Shepard's mouth curled up in a sneer, the long scar above his lip pulling to give him an even more menacing look than usual. “See that it doesn't.” For a moment, it looked like he was about to say more, but instead he just stalked off back to the elevator.
Ashley waited a few minutes before rolling her eyes and throwing the last of the scopes into the storage box. “Christ, what crawled up his ass and died?”
Kaidan chuckled, shutting the lid of the box. “Right, you weren't here before. He's been like this since the ship took off. My guess is he's trying to impress Anderson, maybe hoping that he'll get to take over command of the ship.”
She eyed him with a look of disbelief. “You mean to say he's been like this the whole time?”
“Yep.” Kaidan shrugged as if to say ‘well what can you do about it’.
“He's a biotic too, right?”
“Mhm.” Kaidan busied himself with packing away the storage boxes. “Didn't use it much on Eden Prime, for some reason.”
“Maybe you guys should, I don't know, have it out or something.” Ash leaned back against the bench, arms crossed with a pensive look on her face. “I read somewhere that sometimes if there are two biotics in close proximity, they end up repelling each other because of the fields. Or something.”
Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “And who made you an expert on biotics?”
“Saw a headline once.” She shrugged. “Hey, just trying to help you out. It looks like he has it out for you way more than me anyway.”
Unfortunately, Ashley was right. Kaidan couldn't be sure if being the only other biotic on the ship meant that Shepard had much higher expectations for him compared to everyone else, but it certainly seemed that way to anyone who had eyes. Even Joker was toning down the sarcasm around him when Kaidan was doing his shifts up in the cockpit.
To make things worse, Kaidan's offhand prediction about Anderson turned out to be true. After the Council made Shepard the first human Spectre, Anderson had handed over the Normandy to Shepard like it had been the plan all along. It left a sour feeling in Kaidan’s mouth just thinking about it, because while the Commander's methods certainly got the results the Alliance wanted, it didn't mean he had to agree with them necessarily. When he'd heard he would be assigned to the same posting as the Butcher of Torfan, he almost declined it immediately. It was only after a chat with his father - who'd convinced him to give it a try - that he reluctantly accepted it.
Kaidan had never been particularly hungry for glory - one of the reasons he'd enlisted was so that he could put his biotics to good use, after all - but even he had to admit that being on the first human Spectre's ground team gave him some sort of pride.
Even though it was still an Alliance vessel, Shepard's unique status meant that they were able to bring aboard a more diverse crew. It was only a few days since the Normandy had been transferred to Shepard and the crew had already increased by one turian, one quarian, and one krogan. Kaidan hadn't personally worked with any aliens yet, but he approached it with an open mind, welcoming them as he would any other member new to the ship.
Yet with all the new additions, Shepard refused to relent on driving his ass into the dirt. If anything, Kaidan noticed he was nicer to the aliens than he was to him, perhaps not wanting to scare them off. Kaidan was used to having assholes as COs, but it was grating on his mind too much to not just ask about it.
They were a few hours away from their next destination when Kaidan decided to confront Shepard about it. He knocked on the door to the Commander's cabin, half expecting to be just ignored when the door lock turned green, and it slid open.
When Kaidan walked in, Shepard was at his desk, typing on a datapad and looking to clear out the mountain of them that seemed to have piled up in the short time since he'd taken over the ship.
“Whatever you do, don't become a Spectre.” Shepard said, without looking up. “The paperwork is killer.” It had been the nicest thing Shepard had said to him in the last few weeks, aside from the Eden Prime incident.
Kaidan blinked, the remark throwing him off kilter. He almost thought better of it when Shepard said, “Well Alenko, are you going to stand there gawping or should I ask you to help me out with this?”
There it is.
“I've been meaning to ask, Shepard - is there a reason why you're constantly on my ass? Did I do something wrong that I haven't realized?”
Shepard sighed and put down the datapad he'd been holding a little harder than he intended, where it clattered on the desk top. “You really want to get into it, Alenko? Now?”
Something simmered in the back of Kaidan's mind. “Why not. We have time.”
The Commander leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and putting his feet up on his desk. “You want the truth? I can't stand being around you. Something about you just rubs me the wrong way.”
Kaidan bristled, but remembered what Ash told him about the biotic fields. Without thinking, he reached out to put a hand on Shepard's shoulder, but before he could even touch him, Kaidan was jolted by a shock of static, his latent biotic field flaring briefly before humming and dissipating.
Shepard raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, though his laser focused gaze never left Kaidan. His face was a perfect mask of indifference, but Kaidan could almost hear the gears turning behind his eyes. After a few moments, he pushed off from the desk, cracking his neck.
“Come down to the cargo hold with me. I've got a theory I've been meaning to test out.”
That certainly wasn't the direction Kaidan saw this conversation going, so as the Commander strode past him and out the door, he had no choice but to follow.
The next few moments as they took the elevator down below decks was awkwardly silent, but Kaidan took some solace in the fact that at least it seemed like there was some tangible, explainable reason Shepard had been a dick to him this whole time.
They walked out of the elevator and Shepard headed straight for the gym - although calling it that was charitable, as it was just the corner of the cargo hold that had space for some mats, a punching bag, and a few dumbbells. They had to pass Ashley, who was at her regular weapons station cleaning out her gear, and she gave him a questioning look, but Kaidan shook his head, hoping it would convey a ‘don't worry’ back at her.
Shepard shrugged out of his hoodie and tossed it on the ground, rolling his shoulders. The black tank top he wore underneath showed off the intricate tattoo sleeves on both arms that continued across both sides of his chest, and as he turned around, Kaidan noticed it flowed on to a larger back piece too. It twigged a slight annoyance in Kaidan, even though tattoos weren't exactly against regulation.
The air buzzed as Shepard put up a barrier, causing a small shock to run across Kaidan's skin. “Come at me, Lieutenant. Biotics only.”
Kaidan gritted his teeth. “Respectfully, sir -”
“I know your service history, Alenko. I know about the turian.” Shepard slid into some kind of martial arts stance he wasn't familiar with. “You need to let it go.”
He was getting angry now - to have someone access his history and then so flippantly dismiss his trauma about Vyrnnus in the next breath was infuriating. Kaidan had spent so long learning how to keep his biotics under control so that situation would never happen again, and here Shepard was telling him to just let it go. Like someone had brought him the wrong coffee order.
Kaidan planted his feet and the air around him shimmered blue, and he launched his arms out to throw Shepard. Seeing as it was a somehow half hearted effort, it bounced off Shepard's barrier easily, barely even knocking him off balance.
“Come on, Alenko. You spike higher than me, I know that. You could at least give me a run for my money.” Shepard cracked his knuckles, the sound so audible it echoed off the walls of the cargo hold. “Stop being a pussy.”
It was rare that Kaidan let someone get on his nerves this much, but with all the extra attention Shepard had been paying him these last few weeks, something about that last comment made him snap. Still, he wasn't about to let his control slip, so instead of heeding the terms of engagement, Kaidan ran full pelt at Shepard. The Commander read his move easily though, sidestepping and snapping a hand out, pushing him back to skid along the floor.
“Letting your emotions get the best of you, now?” Shepard smirked, goading him on.
“Shut up!” Kaidan launched a throw again, but this time with intent. Shepard threw his hands up to block, but was a split second too late, and his barrier fizzled out as he was knocked off his feet and landed on the ground with a grunt.
“Shit. Shepard!” Kaidan ran to where the man had fallen. Thankfully, he seemed to be alright, aside from having the wind knocked out of him.
“See? I knew you could do it.” Shepard wheezed.
Kaidan scoffed, but held out a hand to help him up, which Shepard took. But this time when they touched, Kaidan didn't feel like bugs were crawling all over his skin.
“Wait. What was it you wanted to test?”
Shepard reached out to put a hand on Kaidan's arm, their biotic fields fizzing slightly as they intersected. The static electricity was gone, but it still felt weird.
“Wanted to see if kicking your ass would solve this problem.” Shepard shot him a shit eating grin.
“More like getting your ass kicked.” Kaidan grumbled, but had to agree. Maybe they just needed to spend more time together to get over whatever weirdness their biotics was going through.
“How's your hand to hand, Alenko? Reckon you could do that again without the biotics?”
Kaidan had to laugh at that. Shepard was an N7, which meant he had far more training than Kaidan did, plus the fact that he'd seemingly had some martial arts training. There was no way Kaidan could replicate that throw without help.
“Reckon you underestimate my ability, sir.”
“Don't be like that. I'll show you.”
Shepard slipped into that stance again, then within the blink of an eye, had stepped forward with a fist straight in front of him. Kaidan threw both arms up to block instinctively, and found himself skidding back a few feet.
“Don't think they taught that one in basic, Commander.” Kaidan rubbed his forearms. That was gonna bruise tomorrow.
“Nope, but doesn't mean you can't learn it.” Shepard grinned, and something in Kaidan’s stomach flipped. “I always believe in using whatever you have at your disposal to win. And if the enemy isn't expecting what you have, that's even more of an advantage.”
Their sparring sessions became a regular occurrence, and Shepard seemed to insist they go down to the cargo hold to have it out with each other every time they went out on a mission together. Despite the inconvenience, Kaidan had to admit that the extended time spent together was working - he only felt like punching Shepard a quarter of the time now, instead of half the time.
Because their biotics weren't actively trying to repulse each other now, Shepard had started using his abilities a lot more. And because of that, Kaidan managed to learn that the Commander had the most buck wild mnemonics he'd ever seen in any biotic - most of his abilities were linked to different martial arts punches. Which, in hindsight, made a certain kind of sense with Shepard, seeing as he was a Vanguard, and favoured close combat. But it was still fascinating to see him at work in the middle of a fire fight, where he could almost enter a flow state of looking like he was executing the steps of a graceful dance, and then do a complete face turn by pulling out his shotgun and mowing enemies down the traditional way.
But despite the inroads they'd made in mutual respect, Kaidan really was not feeling it today. They'd just come back from one of the random uncharted worlds the Normandy had stopped by en route to the next location, and Shepard wanted to take the Mako out, because he hadn't gotten the chance to this week yet. (Also Joker had picked up an old Alliance distress signal) Kaidan thought he'd be fine, but what he wasn't expecting was the way Shepard would drive the damn thing - like a drunken rhino.
Even worse, when Kaidan had said as much, Shepard had the cheek to ask ‘what's a rhino’. Kaidan forgot that Shepard hadn't been raised on Earth, but surely out in space they'd still have taught kids what a rhinoceros was… right?
Kaidan was just thankful the passenger seats had seatbelts and that the canopy had handholds, because if it weren't for that, he was almost certain the crew would be scraping his and Garrus’ battered remains off the floor.
Despite his best efforts, he could feel the beginnings of a migraine as soon as they disembarked the first time, and it only got worse each time the Mako did an impossible climb or jetted off a cliff to land hard on the honestly way too accommodating suspension. His head was knocking about in his helmet and he felt like a pear in a wiggler, half expecting there to be bruises on his body when he unsuited later.
By the time the Normandy picked up the Mako, Kaidan was seeing the black spots in the corner of his vision that was a sure sign that this one would be putting him through the ringer. He'd taken off his armour as soon as they disembarked, wanting nothing more than to just get upstairs, crawl into his bunk, and pass out for the next twelve hours, but Shepard caught him as he was removing the last of it.
“Shepard, I'm really not in the mood today, my head's about to split open.” Kaidan had to keep his eyes down and half shut, or even the dim lights in the cargo bay would threaten to overwhelm him.
“Ah. Migraine?” Shepard's biotic field sizzled as he came closer, and Kaidan smelled bacon and coffee. It made him nauseous.
“Yeah. If you don't mind, I just need to go lie down.”
“Go use my cabin.”
Kaidan stopped mid step, sending a spike of pain up the left side of his jaw, but he had to be sure he heard Shepard correctly. “I'm sorry?”
Shepard grabbed Kaidan by the arm and bodily dragged him to the lift. “My cabin. Go lie down.”
Kaidan was too drained to argue, and let himself be pulled along. Even the floor lighting was threatening to be overwhelming now, and he winced at the sound of the doors opening. The lights came on automatically, but turned off almost immediately after. Only the dim glow of a chronometer by the bedside remained, and Shepard pulled the covers off, guiding Kaidan to sit on the bed.
“Boots off, but otherwise use the bed like your own.” Shepard mercifully had the wherewithal to keep his voice low, which surprised Kaidan in its thoughtfulness. “Does Chakwas give you something for these?”
“Yeah.” Kaidan said, voice rising just above a whisper.
He bent down and began unlacing his boots, moving as slowly as possible to avoid triggering another spike of pain, and didn’t even notice Shepard leaving. By the time he crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over himself, Shepard had come back with a glass of water and the medication in a little cup. He knocked them back, enduring the inevitable jolt from his temple down to his jaw as he moved his head, then finished the water and curled up on the bed, back toward Shepard.
When he woke next, Kaidan was convinced that the warm hand that lingered a bit too long on his shoulder was just something his pain-addled brain had imagined.