Chapter Text
Rotten apples
Chapter 1
Shen Yuan always knew his brother did not mean it. He had a difficult life, several obligations and duties, a heavy workload, and many people under his care and protection. He was not only a Peak Lord but a teacher, a commander, and the strategist of the sect.
What he does is because he’s short-temperament, and only accepts perfection. He can’t be patient, not when the world has never shown any understanding for him before. His brother does not mean it, he’s a good man with awful luck and a tragic past. Shen Qingqiu did not mean it and Shen Yuan would like to say some words of comfort in this moment. If he had a tongue, he’d have told him.
He sees his brother leave the room and with a heavy heart Shen Yuan would like to go after him and offer him a hug and comfort him, however, he’s aware of how much his brother hates human touch, especially coming from Shen Yuan. He understands that because there was a man who hurt his brother a lot, he cannot trust any other man, omega or not. Understandable. Shen Yuan does not like himself very much and gets why his brother is disgusted whenever he sees him.
Thankfully, there aren’t any mirrors in the house besides the one his brother hides in one of his draws, Shen Yuan believes Shen Qingqiu does not like himself very much either and that hurts Shen Yuan a deeply; he does not believe he deserves all of what life has forced him to endure because of him.
Many people do not believe it or know it but Shen Qingqiu is a good person, his soul is gentle and merciful, though he does not express himself in gentle ways nor does his face show softness or sweetness. People are stupid and do not know why his brother is the way he is and neither of them will ever tell the world the truth.
Once he has picked up all the shattered pieces of the cup of tea from the floor, Shen Yuan makes an excruciating effort to pull himself up as well. He’s missing some limbs and unfortunately only has one functional leg and 2 good fingers in his left hand; still, this does not keep him from cleaning, cooking and taking care of many chores of the bamboo house, which Shen Yuan completes slowly but always efficiently.
It’s the very least he could do, Shen Qingqiu brought him here when he shouldn’t, it was not his responsibility, he could have left him to die back with the Qiu’s but he didn’t in the end, he returned for Shen Yuan in the last minute before the entire household succumbed under the ruthless flames. That should mean something, correct? Perhaps, filial love, Shen Yuan holds onto the thought as his life depends on it.
Shen Yuan does not have the body or spirit to become a cultivator, his brother was frustrated and angered when he noticed Shen Yuan’s body was not made for it and ever since he’s been stuck here trying to be useful, though today’s incident has proved he’s a waste of space and sources once again, he thinks with sadness as he dumped the rest of the cup of tea in the trash. His brother loved that cup.
Hopefully tomorrow he could stick to one of his brother’s disciples and go down village’s market, he needs to find a replacement, there aren’t many things that bring joy to his brother, and this one did.
He recalls perfectly how he held it for the first time in his hands and studied with the pads of his fingers the texture and golden details. It was a gift by Ning Ying, and while he is not an admirer of that young girl, he was happy she gifted it to him because it gave his brother a reason to smile.
Shen Yuan cannot be that reason, no matter how hard he tries to not be a burden, his brother does not smile when he’s with him. If his suffering could at least alleviate his brother’s, or bring any joy, but whatever Shen Yuan tries, all the opposite happens. Sometimes the safest thing to do is to retrieve back to his room or a place where he won’t be seen, in an effort to placate Shen Qingqiu’s anger.
After cleaning the mess of today, that’s what he does. He squeezes himself into the small corner of his room and stays silent for hours. He can’t make much noise anyway but still ensures to quiet down his breathing too, just in case.
Above all, Shen Yuan cannot begin to describe how much he loves his brother, and how much it pains him not to be able to lighten his worries. If he only had both legs and arms, even without a tongue, he could do more things around the house, could do things for him, pick a few jobs, and earn money and buy pretty things, like that teacup. Or. To. Do. Something.
In total silence, Shen Yuan stays in the same place for the following hours until it gets dark, with his eyes staring at the emptiness of his own room, stabbing himself mentally whenever he feels the need to leave the room and peak over at the crack of the door to verify if his brother has returned home.
He doesn’t always return home but Shen Yuan always stays up until he hears the door opening. Shen Qingqiu may be a peak lord and a powerful cultivator (he’s so proud of him and mentally cheers him up) but he’s still a human, and humans get hurt all the time, especially by evil men.
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Shen Qingqiu rarely stays home. He hates that place. It was supposed to feel safe and comfortable, but he has not been able to sleep there a single night and even when he was a disciple he had issues with sleeping too, all because of that miserable parasite.
He couldn’t say for sure in which position of his hatred list he would place Shen Yuan because there were just simply too many people fighting for the first place but that parasite it is certainly in one of the top places. He hated him, from the color of his eyes, and features to the way he breathed. He shouldn’t have brought him here, Shen Yuan should have become ashes with the rest of his past. He shouldn’t have saved him. The moment he had him in his arms after giving birth to him, Shen Qingqiu should have bitten his neck off and let him have a much better and dignified death than the painful existence he was having now.
‘’Still awake?’’ His tone comes out groggy, and even his body is leaning towards one side. Today is one of those nights that are becoming more frequent. The need to drink his pain away was turning compulsory. ‘’Why are you still awake? You, disgusting animal’’ When he’s on his full senses, Shen Qingqiu is already impatient and wrathful, when he’s drunk, he turns violent, especially when he sees the stupid boy peeking out his door. It immediately sends a hot shiver of anger down his spine. He looked too much like his father when he was young, lacking the arrogance and cruelty thankfully, but still enough to send Shen Qingqiu to a panic attack in the middle of the night if found him lurking around his home. ‘’Get the fuck to bed, now’’. He can’t bear to see him, not now.
Most of the time he can’t if he’s honest. Shen Yuan is a permanent reminder of the rape and forced pregnancy he went through, and still, sometimes what it hurts the most is seeing his… son in this state, almost limbless. All the things his rapist forced him to go through with the promise to keep his son safe were all lies. Each scar and missing limb are also a reminder of how useless a mother Shen Qingqiu was.
He’s angry at Shen Yuan, at his excuse of father, with himself, with the world and everyone in it. His fury was directed to all the people who knew what was he going through, who knew they were being hurt, torture and molested, and still nobody lifted a finger to protect a couple of children, because Shen Qingqiu was a child too, when he was forced to conceived and when he gave birth, not even twelve years old. Everybody in that wretched place knew about it, and what did they do?
Nothing.
He does not regret burning that place down. His only regret was not leaving Shen Yuan to die sooner. Shen Yuan was his baby; it was his duty to ensure his safety at all cost. No matter the circumstances, Shen Qingqiu still blames himself for the horror inflicted on his son, he’s anger remains intact at the bottom of his heart. If he had been stronger, faster, with a smarter brain to plan something quick to get both out of that hell sooner. If only Qi-Ge…
Nonsense. No point in mourning times cannot be changed. This life is what they have now, and it is all that matters. It isn’t perfect or easy, but it’s theirs, and here no one can hurt them anymore, no while Shen Qingqiu breathes. ‘’I said get back to bed!’’ He barks out when the boy hesitates to close the door, as soon as he yells, the boy quickly closes the door and the next thing he hears is a thud and a shy whimper.
He must have fallen. Again. That fucker. cursed him this and the next thousands of lives he’s fated to live, hopefully as a worm feeding from the feces of pigs just like him. Look what he did to his boy! Shen Yuan’s future was thrown in the drain. His son was not cut off to be a cultivator and will die young already because of it, however, he has also stolen the chance to have a nice, regular and peaceful life.
If Shen Yuan could not reach immortality, the least he deserved was having a comfortable mortal life, perhaps not richness beyond a king, but his boy should have a nice house in a hill to his himself. No children or mate, just a safe place for him to live without any concerns. No cold, hunger or pain. He could have been a merchant, a teacher, whatever he wanted to be, Shen Qingqiu would had made sure to help him achieve his dreams.
With how fucked his now, what dreams does he even has? He did not know. They don’t speak much. Well, Shen Qingqiu chuckles darkly. Shen Yuan can’t speak at all, and he often pretends he is not there. He frequently ignores his son despite their rare time together at home.
Sometimes he wonders what Shen Yuan wanted. He’s been raised to be a servant, and thus he’s trying to keep the house neat even if he only makes more of a mess, his cooking always tastes like warm shit, and in general being a chunky piece of furniture with no purpose in his house besides making his life more complicated. What could it be going inside that ugly head of his?
He watches the wall with half lidded eyes, unable to not lose himself in his memories. He was too young when he had his first heat, and went straight to that pig’s bed, where he stayed for a whole week. He couldn't walk for several more weeks after everything that disgusting animal did to him, plating Shen Yuan’s life in his womb, one of the worst of them.
It was painful, from the mounting, knotting to birth and beyond. Of course it was a complicated delivery, Shen Qingqiu lost so much blood and was offered no help. He recalls vomiting out of pain while trying to push at the same time, left to die in rainy day outside in the middle of the forest, chained to a tree.
He believes the pig wanted them to die in a painful way, hopefully hoping his blood will have lured some predators, but everything changed when he was notified his bitch had given birth to an omega. He should have known the terrors it was waiting for them when servants were sent to retrieve them back to the manor.
Why didn’t he kill his son right at the moment? Why was he too weak to force himself and suffocate Shen Yuan to death? Why?
He cursed the bastard, he cursed all the servants of that mansion, the people who sold him off, he cursed Qi-Ge for breaking his promises but overall, he cursed Shen Yuan too.
Somehow, he finds his way to his bed. He is not sure if he’s going to sleep at all tonight, hopefully the alcohol in his system may help a little. He lets himself fall heavily until the bed protest for the brusque movement.
Stupid kid. How dare he look like his father. He carried him, all nine months. Pushed him out of his body when Shen Qingqiu’s wasn’t even fully developed, and there he goes, the stupid, little bastard, to have the same face as his father, same eye colors, form of the lips and nose. He owned him his life, not to his father. Why couldn’t he at least have born looking like him? Why did the heavens hated him so much to the point they not only allowed him to go through all that suffering, they also doomed to carry with a son that looked exactly like his father, a rapist?
He wishes Shen Yuan grows up fast and dies. It would be painful, after all, that stinky parasite is a son of his. However, he doesn’t think it would hurt as much as it is to have him here around, looking at Shen Qingqiu for a bit of attention and love he does not have to give. Shen Qingqiu did not love even himself, why would he love a boy who was forced upon him?