Chapter Text
ATONEMENT
Set in season 7 ep 6 - “Home to Roost”
Chapter 1
It took every ounce of strength Donna had to maintain her composure as Harvey delivered the blow.
“I’ve been seeing Paula Agard… And not as my therapist anymore. We’ve been seeing each other”
The news she never saw coming and the way he said it, Donna knew in her bones that this was different from any other woman, fling or even girlfriend he had ever spoken about.
A sleepless night with an endless parade of memories haunted her combined with seeing him at his desk the following day carrying on, business as usual completely unaware that the bomb he dropped the night before had completely reshaped her past, present and future made for a difficult 24 hours for Donna.
She knew what Harvey had gone through to come to a point in his life where he could make a decision and a commitment like this. And while his choice may have come as a surprise, Donna knew that his happiness would come at a price for her.
The key in her hand symbolised so much more than access to Harvey’s front door.
But it wasn’t hers to keep any longer. It hurt to think that, that part of their relationship had come to an end. The unlimited access to the inner workings of the lawyers life once given freely by Harvey now felt like an intrusion
She owed him the truth. That she hadn’t known about his new relationship all along and that yes, it bothered her. But this was Harvey. She wanted him to be happy, was the mantra playing over and over in her head. Even if he hadn’t found happiness with her.
“I’m happy for you Harvey” had ended the awkward conversation and along with a smile that felt almost as forced as his own, Donna retreated back to her office.
It would have been easier to pack her things and call it a night but given Harvey's new relationship status, Donna felt the need more than ever to throw herself further into her newly appointed role.
Word had spread rather quickly about the prison case. Donna had known about it tying up Mike, Alex and Harvey. It had been a rough day for them all as they attempted to straighten it out. As a good gesture, she was going to place the coming days files on Mke’s desk ready to view in the morning but as she entered, the skyline of the office that once belonged to his mentor drew her attention.
Lost in the memory of a time when she had stared out of the same window at Harvey’s side. A time when it was Donna that he wanted near. Donna hadn’t heard Harvey approach. Only becoming aware of his presence when his reflection appeared in the glass before her.
“Oh. You’re still here”
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It should have been news that he was eager to share with his friend rather than a chore that was delayed until not telling her was no longer an option.
There was no real reason to hide it. People start new relationships every day, he rationalised. And there was a sense of relief once he told Donna. A job done.
Though hearing that it bothered her did make Harvey feel something. After all, he was no stranger the feeling himself. He didn’t really know what it meant, or he chose not to think on it too much at least.
But watching her hand back his key after so many years put his heart in a vice and that was something he had felt before. The gesture transported him to a time in their past that he would rather forget. A time when their actions didn’t match the “I love you” that preceded them. A time when life without the other became a reality.
All he knew was that the longer he stared at the key, the more it felt like it was about to melt through the floor and take him with it.
He needed to clear his head but the space he now occupied still felt alien to him. Traces of Jessica still lingered despite the new furniture and layout. The one saving grace was the proximity to his COO. With just a shared wall between Donna and himself, Harvey often got to see the redhead as they passed by each other's office several times a day. Their eyes always managed to find each other regardless of the task that occupied them.
The restlessness Harvey felt drove him from his office and into the corridors of Specter Litt.
Quietly approaching the glass doors of his former office.
He often felt more at peace there than in his own home. For years it had been the place that gave him comfort and focus. That allowed him to be distracted from the problems plaguing his personal life all while winning case after case.
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him when he saw the greatest comfort of all standing in the far corner. Beyond his control, his feet moved forward. Only alerting her of his presence when his reflection appeared in the glass.
Harvey didn’t hear the paper fall out of Donna’s hand.
The second he stepped forward and kissed her all other thoughts and feelings evaporated leaving only the sensation of her lips on his.
Harvey couldn’t say when Donna responded. Or when he felt her fingers brush the back of
his neck. And as much as Harvey kissing her was unexpected, the shock wasn’t enough to pull away when she felt Harvey’s hand cup her cheek.
The sweet moan that escaped Donna’s lips as Harvey’s tongue breached them spurred him on.
The feel of Donna under his hands, not felt in that way for so long. The grip he had on her waist released only to have a hand wander down to her thigh his fingers finally meeting flesh thanks to the short length of her dress. The unstoppable urge to feel every part of her pushed Harvey further as his hand glided up under the loose layers.
The pressure of the bookcase on her back briefly pulled at Donna’s consciousness only to find herself looking into Harvey’s eyes. Eyes that were unwaveringly focused on her. She could feel every part of him against her. A leg now wrapped around one of Harvey’s thighs as his strong hand gripped her backside.
Without a word exchanged between them their gaze remained locked as their lips grazed, finally meeting again as Donna moved herself against Harvey.
In the space of a heart beat they went from walking lines that had sharpened and blurred over the years to having them evaporate in a matter of seconds.
As Harvey brushed his fingers over Donna’s soaked underwear, she arched further into him eagerly seeking relief from the pressure building inside her. The uncomfortable restraint of his own clothing disappeared the moment he moved Donna’s underwear aside feeling the slick heat of her centre.
The breathless sighs emanating from Donna blended perfectly with the rough moan from Harvey when he felt Donna’s hand unzip his pants and grip him. Dragging his teeth down the slender planes of Donna’s neck as his fingers curled inside her, Harvey struggled to focus when she released him from the confines of his underwear, her hand gently pumping him.
Harvey could feel her getting close. As the flutters he felt inside her grew stronger the need to be inside her intensified. Withdrawing his hand coincided with Donna releasing him. The loss of connection felt by them both spurred them on to something deeper.
Their lips had yet to part, almost as if the very idea of separating would do them harm. Swiftly lifting Donna, Harvey feels her legs wrap securely around his waist as their centres align. His cock, now painfully hard brushes Donna’s entrance.
The moment they are united has them both cry out. The sensation of being together again after so many years was both overwhelming and comforting all at the same time. The familiarity that shouldn’t exist after so much time apart was undeniable. The way they intuitively moved and responded to each other was second nature.
Donna knew she was close. Grinding into Harvey’s pelvis, she sought the friction needed to tip her over when she felt Harvey’s hand gently brush over her centre. The pressure as he circled her along with the full feeling that only Harvey had ever truly given her had Donna falling helplessly into oblivion, barely aware that Harvey had done the same.
For a moment there was complete calm as they held onto each other. But slowly, as reality crept in and Harvey had softened inside her, Donna slid her legs down and moved her head that was currently comfortably nestled in the crook of Harvey’s neck. Directing her gaze to meet his, Donna feels his hands immediately leave her body as he looks away, unable to meet her eyes.
Barely managing to whisper his name before he pulls away completely, Harvey is dressed in seconds and out of the office leaving Donna to contemplate their actions alone.
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Despite her heart being lodged firmly in the throat Donna was determined to maintain her composure. The tremble of her bottom lip stilled as she took a breath and glanced at the papers strewn across the floor.
By the time Mike’s files were collected and in order and the books on the shelf straightened, any trace of what happened between Donna and Harvey had been completely erased. The path back to her office was silent and devoid of any human presence.
It wasn’t until the door to her apartment closed behind her that Donna let the calm facade fall.
The fallout of what she and Harvey had done would change them forever. One way or another.
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Harvey’s lungs burned. Punishing his body mile after mile with little reprieve from the thoughts that had plagued him from the moment he stepped away from her. The sun had barely begun to rise when he threw himself out of bed and onto the paths of Central Park after another night of sleep evading him.
Even now he couldn’t say what drove him to her.
To feel so helplessly drawn to Donna that he betrays his girlfriend in a way he promised himself he never, ever would. After everything he had been through, the reverberations of his mother's infidelity was felt through his family for years. It changed the way Harvey viewed long-term relationships, the people he chose to be close to.
He knew it. Donna knew it. And still…
What have I done? How did this happen? The same questions had rolled through his head over and over all while his lips still vibrated from the feel of hers. 13 years had proven he hadn’t forgotten the way she tasted, the way she felt in his arms.
Entering his apartment on legs that felt like jelly, he is reminded of his transgression once again when his phone chimes indicating a good morning text from Paula. The phone lands a little harder than expected on the kitchen bench as he stares at it, the screen going dark once again.
It had been a week. A week before he found the courage to call Paula and apologise for ghosting her, rattling off the excuse of work commitments with the offer to take her out to dinner to make up for it. The ease with which she had let him off the hook only made his feeling of guilt grow.
He hadn’t decided how he was going to broach the subject of his infidelity. Harvey knew Paula deserved better than to be in a relationship with someone who would hide such a huge sin from her let alone commit one in the first place. But Harvey knew it wasn’t an answer that was going to come easily as he entered his bedroom to prepare for a new day.
Coffee seemed like a good distraction and my god was he going to need it today but as he waited in line he caught a glimpse of red that he would know anywhere. Watching Donna step out of a cab, her elegant strides bringing her toward the building entrance, Harvey all but cowered behind the coffee cart.
“You know you have to buy the coffee from the front of the cart right?”
Finding his protege’ curious stare, Harvey chooses not to respond knowing there wouldn’t be any actual excuse he could give Mike that would be believable let alone the truth.
Rejoining the queue allowed him to redirect the conversation. Donna aside, Harvey knew that while all of the drama with Reform Corp had taken precedence over the last few days, the everyday drama that happened at the firm still carried on at full speed. With a vague plan for the day that still included avoiding Donna at all costs,
But it wasn’t to be.
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Forgoing a knock Donna entered Harvey’s office and quietly closed the door behind her. It was well past eight and most had left for the day but there was no way she was letting someone overhear their conversation. It also crossed her mind that having Harvey in a confined space couldn’t hurt.
She’d given him the time she knew he would need. She understood what had happened between them after the initial shock had worn off she too needed a few days to get things straight in her own mind. But it had been a week and his cold shoulder was starting to wear thin.
“Hey”
Harvey’s brief glance at her approach before focusing back on his laptop didn’t fill Donna with confidence.
“I’m pretty swamped right now” he snaps, as he watches her take a seat on the other side of his desk.
Steeling herself, Donna pushed forward desperate for any sort of explanation, “I know… but Harvey at some point we’re going to have to talk about what happened in Mike’s office”
A vague shake of his head was the only sign of his ongoing refusal to verbalise what had happened that night. “There’s nothing to talk about”
“Harvey. Look, I understand why you’ve wanted to avoid me”, Donna implores.
The grinding of his molars gave Harvey a temporary distraction from Donna’s words and her growing agitation but when a pause in the conversation grew into uncomfortable silence, the hostility between the two compounded.
Shaking her head gives way to a frustrated huff, “So your solution to this is to ignore it completely? You can’t just go around pretending like this never happened Harvey!” Shouting over his desk.
Slamming the laptop closed, Harvey retaliated, unable to contain anger, “You know what Donna? Yes. We can! We’ve done it before and we’ll do it again!”
“You’re being ridiculous. This is not the same thing as..” Donna yells as their shouting match escalates.
“It’s exactly the same Donna. It didn’t mean anything the other time just like it didn’t mean anything last week”.
His words landed like a sucker punch, but Donna pressed on, refusing to yield to Harvey’s temper.
“But what about Pau-
“STOP!”. The sound of the laptop crashing to the floor shocks Donna into silence. Her gaze moves from the shattered screen back to Harvey in time for his finger to be pointed straight at her. And while the volume of his voice is no longer present the ferocity and anger remain.
“Whatever happens between me and Paula is none of your business. I don’t ever want to hear you mention her and … that again”.
As Donna silently left the room it was clear to them both that the laptop wasn’t the only thing that was broken. From that moment the social calls and late-night chats cease altogether while work-related conversations dwindle to bare minimum answers and only during meetings with Harvey making sure they are never alone together.