Chapter Text
He stood stiffly, hands crossed behind his back as he waited for the four Time Force Rangers to emerge from Quarantine. He'd left his sunglasses in his office, a decision that he'd been torn over, and knew he'd ultimately regret. But he owed this to them - to him most of all. If he was truly going to make up for what he'd done, he needed to let him know that he was sincere.
He tried not to fidget when he finally saw them heading in his direction. He swallowed down his nerves, taking a deep breath. He couldn't begin his apology if he was too scared to speak.
They were different, he noted, taking in their weary movements and solemn expressions. He couldn't have expected them to be the same, of course. They had learned so much, as a team, as Power Rangers, as people. And now they'd been forced to leave behind their teammates and the place they had come to consider home. He knew that loss would ache for awhile.
He tried not to be jealous. It wasn't their fault that - well, that things had happened the way they had. It was the way it had to be. It was what he had to do. All he could do now was hope that -
Jen, Lucas, and Katie slowed to a stop in front of him, looking suspicious and tired. No one had told them what was going to happen to them yet; they probably thought they were still fired or something equally ridiculous. Logan had wanted to brief them personally, and Alex was appointed their escort.
But the only thing that mattered to Alex at that moment was that Trip wasn't stopping with the others. He walked past him like he wasn't even there.
He tried not to wince. "Trip. Wait."
Trip turned, tears shining in his eyes. "Why should I?" he demanded bitterly. "It's not like we're *friends* or anything."
Alex flinched. "That's - that's not true," he protested.
"No, we're not. You made that perfectly clear, *Sir*." He bolted from the room before anyone could stop him.
"Trip, wait!"
He was stopped from chasing after him as Katie's hand grabbed his arm roughly, and he held in another wince. "What did you do to him?" she demanded angrily. "I've never seen him like that!"
"Let *go*, Lieutenant," he growled warningly.
"You tell me what you did, and I'll think about it," she retorted, glaring coldly.
He fought to reign in his temper and failed. "I said let me go, damn it!" he shouted, trying to twist his way free.
"Alex, what's going on?" he heard Jen ask.
"What's going on is your lieutenant won't let go of me!" he snarled. "Katie, let *go*!"
"Why don't you try giving a straight answer for once?" she snapped back.
He growled again in frustration. He'd known Katie was strong, but this was ridiculous. "I need to find Trip and apologize!"
There was a moment of silence as he continued to struggle.
"Apologize for what?" Lucas asked suspiciously.
"That's none of your business. All you need to know is that I can't do anything about it it with you keeping me here!"
Jen was studying him, in a strangely intent way that she never had before. For a moment, he wondered if she could see right through him the way Trip always did.
He wasn't expecting for her to sigh, her expression almost seeming to soften. "Let him go, Katie," she commanded.
"What?! But Jen - "
"Let him go."
Katie made a frustrated growl, but her grip dropped from his arm. He didn't bother wasting time with explanations or dignified exits. He ran at a dead sprint, through hallways and elevators, ducking past co-workers and ignoring anyone who called out to him. He left the building, racing through the achingly familiar route to Housing 3, fourth floor, room 27. Even now, he knew it instinctively.
And there on the floor, curled up hugging his knees, was Trip.
For a moment he just watched him as he tried to catch his breath. There was something tragic about the defeated look on the face of someone who was being touted a hero.
But it was more than that. Because this was Trip, and Trip wasn't supposed to look like that. Trip wasn't supposed to look so broken.
Never again.
At last Alex moved to crouch beside him, touching his shoulder cautiously. " ... Trip?"
"I can't get in. My codes don't work," came the quiet reply. "I forgot I was fired."
"You're not anymore. Your rooms have changed because you've all been promoted. You're in Housing 2 now, second floor, room 4."
Trip glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "Why did you follow me? And why didn't you tell us that before?"
He tried to smile. "Some things were more important."
Trip didn't return it. "So I'm important to you now?"
He winced and bowed his head. "There's no excuse for how I treated you before Trip, and I know that," he said softly. "All I can do is say I'm sorry."
"Why did you?"
He let out a soft sigh, sliding to sit beside the other man. He shrugged a little. "A lot of reasons. I thought I'd be able to handle things better than that. But there was Jen, Doomtron, and ... " Him, he finished silently. Them. "I didn't think I'd have to deal with it all at once."
"And you shut down."
He nodded. "Yeah."
There was a sudden hard punch to his shoulder. He yelped slightly, not expecting it, and rubbed the injured arm as he looked up. Trip was frowning at him. "That's for ignoring me," he was informed. Trip paused, then punched him again, adding "And that's for pretending to be dead."
"You mean you couldn't ... tell?" he wondered, still rubbing his shoulder. Trip had never been strong, but being a Ranger had given him the same enhanced strength all Rangers enjoyed. His punches actually *hurt* now.
Trip shook his head. "I think the time difference affected my link to you. I couldn't sense if you were alive or dead. It was like you were just ... never there." He hesitated, then softly added "It was lonely."
"I was lonely, too," Alex admitted quietly, daring another glance at him. "I woke up in a lab." He tried not to shiver and failed. "You weren't there this time. I wasn't ... used to being alone in my head anymore. And then Captain Logan told me all of you had gone to 2001 to retrieve Ransik ... I wanted to strangle myself for telling Jen to go after him. I don't know what I was *thinking* ... "
"You weren't," Trip said bluntly, but he still leaned into his shoulder a little in silent support. "You never do when you're injured or upset. It's a proven fact."
He smiled a little. "And you're never afraid to tell me."
There was a moment of silence. "I was then," Trip said at last, tracing a finger along the pattern of the floor. "You weren't ... you. The real you. You were the other you, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach you. And my mind was so fuzzy from having you suddenly there that it hurt to try for too long. The other you scares me," he whispered.
Alex winced again. 'The other you' was the facade he used with Time Force, when he had to act the way he was expected to. It was a necessary evil, but Trip had always hated it. Eventually he had resorted to treating Alex's shift in personality as a completely separate person, one he barely knew. It was uncomfortable, and neither of them liked it, but it seemed easier for Trip to deal with. And really, it was better in the end. It kept Time Force - kept *everyone* - from realizing just how close the two of them actually were. And more importantly, kept them from wondering why.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I don't know how many times I can say it, but I am. I just ... I don't know!" He pinched his nose with his left hand in frustration, and glanced up as Trip giggled softly. "What?"
"You remind me of Eric when you do that," Trip informed him. "I kept wanting to call him Alex."
He hesitated for a moment. In spite of everything, there was still a part of him that wanted to know. "What were they like?" he asked finally.
He saw Trip's gentle smile out of the corner of his eye. "More like you than you'll ever want to know."
"Tell me?"
Trip considered for a minute. "Wes has your sense of humor, and I think he has foresight like you. He puts others before himself." He paused, wrinkling his nose. "Well, he didn't at first - he was a little selfish, actually. But that wasn't the real him, like the other you isn't the real you. He's really very kind, and he wants to help everyone, even when he doesn't always know how to."
Alex found himself slightly amused and pleased that he was still able to follow that train of thought. Not everyone could understand Trip when he rambled. "And Eric?"
"Eric's a tough guy with a soft spot who was really lonely and wouldn't admit it. He was always trying to pass himself off as something he wasn't, always trying to earn everyone's respect. He just couldn't see that it wasn't their respect he was really trying to earn ..." Trip trailed off thoughtfully, his eyes distant.
He shook his head abruptly, but there was still something sad in his expression. "Eric reminded me of the other you, the one you let everyone else see. Wes ... Wes is more like the real you. The one that only I get to see." Their eyes met, but there was nothing accusing in Trip's gaze.
It surprised him. Trip had always pushed him to be more open about himself with others, particularly Jen. He insisted that Alex would never be confident in a relationship where he couldn't be honest.
"You're still different from them, though," Trip continued after a pause. "Neither of them are shy. And I never saw them act as bad as you do when you're upset. That's just you."
Alex made a face, but he was grateful to see Trip smile at him again. "I am *not* shy!"
"Oh no?" Trip retorted playfully. "How long did it take you to get up the nerve to talk to Jen?"
He winced. "Not as long as it could have."
Trip's reply was cut off by the sound of Alex's communicator going off.
Alex closed his eyes, wishing he could just make Time Force go away. This was the first time he'd seen Trip in *months*. The first time they'd been alone in more than a year. He'd nearly *died* in front of him, for Power's Grace. Couldn't they leave the two of them alone for just a little while? For once?
A hand squeezed his wrist gently. "You'd better answer," Trip said softly.
"I don't want to," he muttered rebelliously, even though Trip was right.
Trip chuckled as the communicator went off again, leaning his head against Alex's shoulder. "If you don't, I will. One of us has to have a sense of duty."
"Why does it have to be me?" he grumbled as he reopened his eyes, pulling the still beeping unit from his belt.
"Because you're the reliable one?"
Alex rolled his eyes, giving him a dirty look as he answered. "Collins."
An image of Captain Logan sprang up. "Captain Collins, please report to my office to show the Rangers to their new quarters."
"Yes, Sir."
There was a pause. "Squad Leader Regis is with you." It wasn't quite a question.
"Yes, Sir."
"I expect you'll fill him in on the details, then. Logan out."
He nodded shortly. "Yes, Sir. Collins out."
Trip was watching him when he lowered his hand, and he sighed quietly, offering him a sad smile. "Time Force awaits."
He nodded. "They always do."
There was a long moment of silence as they sat there, neither of them willing to move. Moving meant life continued, and life meant their moment of peace would be broken. Life meant a world where no one knew, or *could* know, how important they were to each other.
"I wish the world would go away," Trip whispered, echoing his thoughts. "We could just be us, just like this. For as long as we wanted."
It was a beautiful dream.
But it wasn't reality, and reality was what finally made Alex climb to his feet. He offered Trip a hand up, giving a brief squeeze before releasing him. "It's good to have you back, Trip," he said quietly.
Trip looked at him for a moment, then abruptly seized him in a tight hug. "I missed you, Lias aeo na'say'ah."
Alex swallowed. 'Brother of Heart'. Trip hadn't called him that since they'd first been freed. He hugged back carefully, trying not to cling to the younger man. "I missed you too," he murmured at last.
He wasn't stupid enough to think he was completely forgiven, but it was a start.
****
He walked stiffly, arms crossed behind his back as he entered Logan's office, ignoring Trip's mental nudge at the abrupt personality shift. "Sir."
Logan glanced up. "You've been briefed, Squad Leader Regis?"
"Yes, Sir."
"If that's all Sir, I'll escort them to their new quarters," Alex spoke up.
Logan nodded, raising a silent eyebrow rather pointedly at the address. "Thank you, Captain."
Alex shrugged minutely. "Habit. Follow me, Rangers." He turned and walked out before Logan could try argue the finer points of promotions with him again, not bothering to look to see if anyone followed him.
"Alex, wait!" Jen called, sounding frustrated.
He slowed his pace slightly, allowing them to catch up. "All of your belongings have been moved to your new quarters," he said as they were boarded the elevator. "You've all been moved to Housing 2, second floor, rooms 1-4."
He could feel Lucas looking at him oddly. "They kept us together?"
" ... I insisted," he admitted reluctantly.
"Thank you, Alex," Trip said quietly.
He shrugged, keeping his eyes set firmly straight ahead as he led them across the yard and into Housing 2. "It was nothing," he muttered, feeling a little uncomfortable. He owed them this and so much more.
"Arguing with the Admiral was *nothing*?" Jen said incredulously. The man wasn't exactly known for being generous and sympathetic - or reasonable.
"Captain Scotts and Lieutenant Walker are in rooms 1 and 3, Lieutenant Kendall in room 2, and Squad Leader Regis in room 4," he informed them, ignoring her question as they entered the next elevator and headed up to the second floor. He wanted to work things out with Trip, but that didn’t mean he was ready to deal with Jen just yet. "These are your new passcodes and ID cards."
"Thank you," Jen said stiffly as they accepted them. Her entire posture and expression told him she'd decided if he could be uptight and stuffy, so could she.
The elevator stopped on their floor, leaving him to watch silently as the four headed to their rooms. They were comparing keycards, making comments about sharing passcodes. There was a closeness about them all that hadn't been there nine months ago.
Anxiety surged. He shouldn't - he *knew* he shouldn't, knew better than anyone the risk - but he found himself taking a deep breath. "Hastilanu?" he called. He knew it was a mangled, poor attempt, but it didn't matter.
Trip laughed outright, glancing back at him with a bright grin. "Not even close."
"One day," he threatened, mock-scowling at him. The tight feeling in his chest loosened a little at the sight of Trip's smile.
Trip just grinned, and there was the barest brush of something against his mind, like having someone stroke his cheek. "Maybe when your vocal cords get to the right range, and you can remember all the syllables," he teased back, and Alex fought down a smile of his own.
As he turned and reached for the down button he could hear the Katie ask what that had been about.
"Alex has been trying to pronounce my birth name since we met," Trip told them. "I keep telling him that human vocal cords can't produce the right frequency, but he never believes me."
"Your birth name?" Lucas sounded surprised.
Trip's laughter echoed as the doors were closing. "You didn't think Trip is really my name, did you?"
****
Relaxing in his office only a few hours later as he read through the reports Quarantine had sent on the Rangers, he reflected on the irony that he seemed to be getting set up as their supervisor. They'd just *love* that, he was sure. But then again, if the Rangers were reporting to him, that might give him a better chance of protecting them. There wasn't much he could do, but to be able to help them at all ...
He didn't glance up at the knock on his door. "Enter."
The door slid open, and Jen hesitated. "May I come in?"
"I said you could, didn't I?" He kept his eyes on the paper he was holding. Why was she here? He wasn’t ready for this. Not now. Maybe not ever.
But really, when did the world ever wait for things to be convenient?
"You didn't know it was me at the time," she pointed out.
"I'm not taking it back, if that's what you're asking."
She made a frustrated noise, stepping inside at last. "We need to talk. Will you at least look at me?"
He lowered the paper slowly, steeling himself internally and schooling his features. "What did you want to say?"
She started to pace. "I wanted to talk to you about the ring. You deserve to know the reasons why I gave it back."
"Wes and Wes?" he muttered under his breath bitterly.
So much for sounding mature.
"That's not why!"
He looked up, startled. He hadn't realized she'd heard him. He forced himself calm again. "What other reason is there?" he asked practically. Collins was kind, funny, smart, adventurous, generous ... He went down the mental list of gushing attributes he’d read in their reports of Collins and their eventual capture of Ransik. How am I supposed to compare to that?
She knelt down in front of him, staring intently into his eyes again. He kept still, refusing to give her whatever it was she was looking for. Why did she keep *doing* that?
At last she sighed. "Two things," she said quietly. "First of all, if I was even looking at Wes to begin with, it wasn't fair to you. I can't accept your ring if I can't be content with you as the only man in my life. Second, when you came back to 2002, and then when Wes sent us here, I started to realize just how little I really know about you. I know the parts you want me to see, but not the *real* you. I can't marry a fake person, Alex."
So Trip was right. He'll be thrilled, he thought detachedly, only to feel a brief surge of guilt barely a moment later. Trip would never be thrilled over anything that would hurt someone else.
"I see," he managed, keeping his tone cool and detached.
She reached up to touch his cheek, and he could feel his mask threatening to crumble. "You're a terrible liar," she told him softly. "Without your sunglasses, your eyes give you completely away."
His sunglasses. He'd started wearing them at the suggestion from one of the doctors, because he'd been so sensitive to natural light after - when he joined Time Force. Over time, he'd gotten used to the sunlight, but he couldn't bring himself to completely stop wearing them.
They were his shield from the world. He could keep his expression blank, but people could always see through him when they looked into his eyes. The sunglasses hid them from view, consequently hiding *him*. He felt exposed without them. Weak.
He chose not to answer her. If his dignity had been lost, he wasn't going to make things worse by opening his mouth.
"I'm not saying that I love Wes more than you. And don't you dare compare yourself to him."
A little late for that, he thought darkly. People have been comparing us since before I was born.
"I still love you, Alex. But I've been falling in love with a person I barely know; someone I can only see when your defenses slip. We can't have a relationship if you're not willing to be honest with me." She took one of his hands in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm not saying never. I'm saying I want to know the parts of you you've been hiding. Once we know more about each other ... well, we'll see what happens."
"What could you possibly want to know?" It slipped out before he thought about it.
She frowned slightly. "For one thing, I never knew you and Trip were so close," she told him pointedly.
Damn. He *had* been too obvious.
"We've known each other a long time," he said vaguely.
Her expression darkened. "That's exactly what I'm talking about! You won't trust me with your secrets! Marriage can't be based on lies, Alex!"
His face turned to stone. If she wanted him to be completely honest with her, she was in for a long wait. "Then maybe there can't be marriage at all."
She stared at him. "You can't mean that."
He just looked at her.
Tears shimmered in her eyes, and she dropped his hands, bolting for the door. It slid closed with barely a whisper, but the intended slam echoed in his mind.
"Computer, activate privacy lock."
There was a soft chime, and he closed his eyes at last. I can't tell you and have you never look at me the same way again. I can't trust anyone to know. Not even you. His eyes burned, and he blinked harshly before dropping his gaze back to his paperwork.
He didn't have time for this. He had work to do.