Chapter Text
As the car burned in the sun, he squinted and saw the air melt in the heat, undulating in circles. The rubber tire flew up, caught in the flames, and hit him in the face. The Birch tree turned away before him, as if unwilling to see the horror. John shivered, opened his eyes, and shut them again in the glare of the evening sun. A single tear ran down from the corner of his eye.
“Are you alright, John?” someone asked him, sounded like Paul’s voice, but he was not sure, loud bangs ringing in his ears, five times, like the sound of gunfire.
The good news is, this illusion doesn’t last long, he opened his eyes again and met with Paul’s large doe eyes, already filled with concern.
Oh god, Paul’s breath brushed over his skin, making him feel itchy.
“Yeah, I’m alright, Paul ” John heard himself saying “Just got a bit hangover, Yoko made me drink too much last night” John cocked his head, face involuntarily blushing.
Paul nodded, put the back of his hand on John’s forehead, making sure John’s indeed not sick, and stepped on the gas.
It’s in the middle of autumn, the highway they’re on is filled with sand, inches high, falling leaves dancing in the air, landed gently on the road, with the sunset in the distance, the whole scene makes a good sight, beautiful even, he could make a song out of it, John thought.
John is sitting on the front passenger’s seat, he rolls down the window and lights a cigarette. People always say smoking is a slow suicide, but it made him feel better, so he decided not to care.
“You know, Paul, I'm really glad that you came to my birthday party,” John said, in an almost formal tone, staring at the cigarette in his hand, not making eye contact with Paul.
Paul was a little surprised, but still, he managed to smile a little and said
“I'm glad you invited us, Linda and I both had a great time last night ”
No, John thinks,they’re both too polite, like a pair of strangers who only met each other once at a shared friend’s party or two middle aged colleagues who don’t even work in the same office.
But then again, they’re not even colleagues anymore, not for a long time.
“Yeah, I’m glad you both enjoyed yourselves at the party, Yoko spent so a lot of time organizing it,” John says,wishing the topic would pass soon.
Whoever above seems to hear his wishes.
“Look,” Paul said suddenly while they entered the interstate highway, “a person is asking for help, we should stop and check on them ”
“You know we can’t, Paul ”John reasoned “What if they recognize us?”
“It doesn’t matter if they recognize us or not, John, we should at least stop to ask if they need any help, there’s no one else here, they could be waiting for hours already ”
As they drive closer, and John finally gets a closer look at that person, he has to admit Paul was right, the young lad standing beside the road looks like he’s desperate and in need of help, the poor lad looks like he’s in his early twenties, with sandy hair and blue eyes, he’s a good looking young man, but he’s not in a great shape right now, his face is pale and he looks like he’s about to faint any time soon.
“Alright, let’s see what can we do for the poor kid,” John said with a sigh.
They stopped the car and were just about to ask what happened and what kind of help the young lad needed before the lad collapsed in front of their eyes.
“Fuck…don’t you die on me, I’m John fuckin, Lennon,”John rushes out of the car, half carrying the young stranger, and said “Open your goddamn eyes”
Paul opened the backseat door for him as John settled the young man in their backseat.
“We need to off to the hospital,” Paul said, nervously, his hand on its way to his mouth.
“Yeah, I just hope he doesn’t die in my car,” John says,feeling disappointment welling up in his chest, he was hoping to spend some alone time with Paul, that’s the point of this whole road trip thing, to have some one on one time with Paul, and now he probably has to spend those precious time with Paul in a hospital somewhere, just his luck.
Paul speeds up the car, and John feels a little dizzy, his mind wandering off, Yoko will come to look for him soon, and so will Linda,
And then whatever moment he could have with Paul would be lost, who knows how long he has to wait until they have another chance to be alone together like this, all because of this young man dying in the back seat of their car.
“Excuse me? Where are we going?” someone from the backseat asked, a young voice with a British accent.
Thank god he wakes up.
“To the hospital,” Paul says “to have a doctor check on you, lad, or do you need any other help?”
“What?!” their young passenger seemed panicked for a few seconds “I’m alright, really, I don’t need to go to the hospital, I’ve just got a bit of hypoglycemia, that’s all, too focused on my trip and forgot about breakfast”
“How did you get here anyway?”John asked, a little curiosity rising from his chest.
“Oh, I fly to America and then just bike around, you know,my bike was trashed though, so I was waiting for somebody who can help me get to the next town”
John nodded, he remembered there’s a chocolate bar he left in the car’s front drawer, he opened it and handed the chocolate bar to the young lad, while Paul asked “So, you’re from Britain then?”
The young lad mumbled a “thanks” to John and accepted the chocolate bar, piling wrapping paper while answering Paul’s question “Yeah, I’m from London”
He’d definitely lying. John thought, and from the look on Paul’s face, he could see Paul was thinking about the same thing, because there was no way a young lad from London didn’t recognize them already, but the boy sitting in the back seat of their car didn’t react to it at all.
“Do you have a name, London boy?” John asked casually, but he and Paul exchanged a worried look.
“Simon,” their hitchhiker said, “thanks for the help, I’m sorry if I interrupted your schedule”
“Don’t worry about it” Paul said,speeding up silently “We don’t have a schedule anyways, do you have one, schedule, I mean?”
“Not really, I wanted this trip to be an adventure” the boy,Simon said exactly.
This somehow brought smiles to John’s face, adventurous ones,just like his Sean.
They were quiet for a while before Paul noticed something weird about their young hitchhiker, paul saw Simon was wearing a watch that was wired in a way he doesn’t know how to describe and seemed high tech too. The watch is beeping madly right now.
The young man, sensing Paul’s inquisitive gaze, silenced the watch quickly and raised his head, spoke sheepishly, “Sorry about that, my watch do that sometimes” he said,he stopped for a moment and then he asked, “I know this is a weird question to ask, but….what year is this, please can you tell me today’s date?”
“You sure you’re alright?” John asked in a ridiculous tone “Hit your head somewhere and forget about it?”
“What? Of course not” Simon said “I just…got confused, sorry”
“It’s September 10th,1980,” Paul said,sending Simon a worried look in the rearview mirror, “you sure you don’t want to see a doctor?”
Then he saw the look on the young lad’s face, Simon was looking in John’s direction with a sad smile, pity written clearly on his face, but it only lasted for a few seconds, before it disappeared, and Simon’s attention was back to the view flew past them.
“No, I’ll be fine,” Simon said in a gentle tone “It’s not the first time anyways” Paul nodded, and they were all silent for a few minutes, soon John noticed that Paul was speeding up the car, apparently hoping to get to the next town early and to get the strange hitchhiker off their car.
He looked at Paul, whose face had not changed much over the years, adding more composure, maybe, but not really changed much, john tried to keep himself from staring at Paul, his mind wondering off again, he turned the newspaper in his hands, and feeling the stare Paul giving him when he’s not looking, for a moment, everything else disappeared, it was just the two of them again if John closed his eyes, he could almost imagine they were on the backseat of their touring bus again.
Then a loud thump interrupted his thoughts and dragged him back to reality, John opened his eyes and he was in 1980 again, Paul sat beside him in the driver’s seat, looking worried.
“I think that’s us having a flat tire,”Paul said, pulling over the car.
“Oh god,” the young man sitting in their backseat says “But there’s no repair station nearby, right?”
“We’ve got a spare tire in the back,”Paul says, he had get off the car and opened the trunk of the car “Get off the car and give me a hand, Johnny” Paul demanded.
John lets out a loud sigh, but he does what he’s told, gets out of the car, and helps Paul to carry out the spare tire.
Simon is off the car as well, standing nearby, but at some distance, obviously not wanting to interfere with their work, but by the looks of it, he is very curious about what they’re doing, like he never seen people replacing their tires.
How wired John thought.
John and Paul worked together silently under their young passenger’s curious eyes, their cooperation was so smooth and flawless, that it somehow brings unspeakable joy to Paul’s chest, the realization that they could still work together, even if it’s not about music, but then the reminder of what they had lost, and the dull pain that always in there comes back.
Back then, when they were Simon’s age, they were inseparable, they did everything together, not just changing tires, they used to dance together on various occasions, and they sat face to face in the same bed, notebooks piled open while writing songs, John’s lips,so beautifully parted, brought the most amazing tunes into this world, how long ago was that?
“Hey, can you just pay attention to the jobs at hand, Paul?”he heard John saying in an annoyed tone “We only have one spare tire”
“Right, sorry” Paul mumbles, he takes the spanner John gives him, and smiles when he notices the spanner is already warmed by John’s body temperature.
Of course, they still know each other, in a way, anyway.
They managed to fix the tire before dark, John shivered once they all got into the car again, Paul quietly turned the heater on, and then they’re on the road again.
“Er, excuse me….are you really John Lennon and Paul McCartney?” Their young passenger asked when they drove past a gas station.
“Yeah, thought you’d never notice,” John said in a joking voice.
“I did notice the similarities,” the latter said “but I don’t want to act like some crazy fan, I mean, you already helped me a lot, I don’t want to bother you guys any further than I already did ”
“It’s always nice to meet someone who didn’t scream” John laughs,he reaches into his pocket and finds two cigarettes, he hands one of them to Paul then he turns around to look at their young passenger “Do you want one?” John asked.
“No, thanks” Simon smiled “I don’t smoke cigarettes”
“Oh really? Do you mind then?” John asked dramatically, causing Paul to burst into laughter.
“Of course not,” Simon said “My boyfriend is a heavy smoker, actually, he never smokes in front of me but his clothes smell, I’m kind of used to it”
“Do you mean your girlfriend?” Paul asked nervously.
“No, I meant my boyfriend, his name is James”
“Don’t mind him” John said with an urgent tone, “Paul didn’t mean anything bad, you’re very bold young lads, and I admire that”
“Er, thanks?”Simon sounded confused if not anything, another weird thing about their young passenger.
The car went into insufferable silence for a while before Paul turned on the radio and Simon started to tell them more about his life “I and James have been together since we were teenagers, I was seventeen and he’s only fifteen, we never had any relationships before each other, we don’t even know the feeling we had was love, we end up Google it”
“Google it? What does that mean?” Paul asked curiously.
Simon’s face turned pink, probably out of embarrassment and then he said “Sorry, I meant we have to ask around about it, you know”
“Did your parents know about this?” John asked after a few minutes of intense inner struggle.
He noticed that with those words out of his mouth, Paul had grabbed the steering wheel tighter, so tight that his knuckles paled.
“John, maybe we shouldn’t….”Paul whispered, but John didn’t respond, he just looked towards the back seat, waiting for an answer.
“Yeah, they do know,” Simon said, he looks relaxed like John didn’t just ask him a
the sensitive question, “My mom invited James and his family over, we talked about our relationship with both of our parents present, then my dad gave me detailed rules to follow, no sex before the age of eighteen, use a condom while doing it, not like any of us can get pregnant, but for the health reasons” Simon laughed,like that’s a funny thing to say “me dad is always so…traditional, it’s not like we will be fooling around with other people when we are in an active relationship anyways”
John was so shocked his mouth was subconsciously half opened, he forgot to ask more related questions until he heard Paul’s voice, who didn’t even bother to mask his shock “Both your parents were okay with you in a relationship with a boy?”
“Well, my dad didn’t like James that much at first, and his dad kinda questioned my ability to be a responsible person, we have to prove it to them in the end, but we did it”
“That’s not what Paul was asking you about,” John said,voice weaker than he expected “he meant your families had no problem with the two of you being queer?”
“Why should they?” the young man asked, looking genuinely confused, man, John doesn’t even know how this boy can get this old without being beaten by people around him, without sensing all the hatred.
“I don’t know, maybe it’s the wrong thing to do?” John says with anger in his voice, hot, intense jealousy burns in his chest.
The sudden realization washed over the young man’s face, and then he sighs. “Being queer is not wrong’ as some people might think, there’s always certain percentage of the population who are queer, there are queer animals, too, it’s just how god designed us, you know”
“Is that how you’re told growing up?” Paul’s voice sounds broken and John knows he is on the edge of breaking down, he feels the tears burning in his eyes too, why did this boy get to grow up in an environment like that while we suffered so much?
“Yeah, I know it’s different from what most people think….”Simon says.
“You’re so fuckin lucky, the both of you” John mumbled.
Then he heard a scream “Watch out!”
Paul urgently steered the car away from the other car which almost crashed into them.
“What the fuck are you thinking, Paulie?” John yelled a few minutes later when they stopped beside the road to catch up some much-needed fresh air. “You almost killed all of us!”
“Yeah, you don’t think I know that?!” Paul yelled back in a higher voice, clearly choking up tears, “I said I’m sorry!”
“It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have talked about such sensitive topics with you guys while you’re driving” Simon reasoned.
“shut up!” John and Paul yelled at the young man at the same time.
Paul went off the car and walked away, while John took another cigarette out of his pocket with a pissed expression on his face.
“You should go after him, John” Simon says “he needs your help”
“Why don’t you go after him if you’re such a fan?” John says angrily.
“Because it is you he needs, John, not some stranger he only knows for a couple of hours”
“And you’re the expert on what Paul needed now?”
Simon sighed “It was what I would do if it was James who ran out of the car”
Of course, he would see it, seeing them straight through, John thought, just like Brian once was, John let out a loud sigh, feeling so tired all of sudden “So what else you would do?” John ask.
“I’d go after him for starters, maybe apologize for the yelling before, give him a hug and tell him everything will be okay, even if I didn’t believe it myself for now, I’d tell him that and try my hardest to make myself believe that in the future”
John gets out of the car after that, and tells Simon to stay put, then for the first time in a long time, he goes after Paul.
Paul was staring ahead at nothing when John found him, his back against the road railing, he looked like he wanted to vomit but couldn’t.
John approached Paul carefully, putting a gentle hand on Paul’s shoulder as he apologized “I’m sorry I yelled, Paulie” he said, “I got emotional too, you know when he was talking about how acceptive his parents are”
“I’m so envious of him” he heard Paul saying “How can he talk about it like it’s nothing while we….suffered so much?”
“He certainly is a wired lad,” John says,he quietly warped Paul into his arms, and Paul accepts it eagerly like a thirsty man who has finally been given water. “But I don’t think he meant anything bad”
Paul sighed, then John felt Paul’s head nodding on his shoulder “Yeah, I know”
John pulled away from Paul and just stared at him under the dim light of the moonlight, when Paul moved closer toward him, John reached forward and kissed Paul.
It had been ten years to the day since their last kiss, and everything until now felt like a bad dream, John felt like he was finally waking up.
“Simon might see us from the car” Paul murmured.
“I’m sure he won’t mind” John laughed, and they kissed for a long time, Paul didn’t really count, but in his opinion, it was not long enough, relief washed over him like a warm spring breeze, made him almost want to say something soft.
They went back to the car after that, Simon was still sitting in the back seat, staring aimlessly through the car window.
“Are you Okay now?” he asked when they got in the car.
“Yeah, we’re okay now aren’t we, Paulie?” John asked with a smile.
“Yeah, I guess” Paul nodded.
“Thanks for the advice, lad” John mentioned.
Paul gives him a confused look, Simon however just says “Glad I can help”
They arrived at the next town forty minutes later and decided to stop and find a hotel for the night.
Simon is organizing his bag and writing something on a piece of paper he tore from an old-fashioned notebook while they drove into the parking lot of the hotel.
“What are you writing?”Paul asked curiously.
“Oh, nothing, just my shopping list,” Simon said.
“Don’t forget to mention you met two old men that happened to be the former numbers of the Beatles if you ever decide to keep a diary” John jokes.
Paul laughs “Forty is not that old,” he says “Plus I’m not even forty yet” After the car was safely parked, he looks back at Simon and asks “Are you sure you don’t want an autograph or something?”
“Yeah I’m fine,” their young passenger said “I’ve already bothered you too much anyways”
“Wow, that’s new”John laughs “Never met a fan who doesn’t want my autograph before, guess there’s a first time for everything”
“Maybe I want something more valuable” the young boy laughed “When will we get another Lennon-McCartney original for example”
The way their young passenger says it, the ‘another Lennon-McCartney original’ part makes John’s heart pick up, almost instantly he feels the warmth and the pain swelled up in his heart.
“And how’s that not bothering us again?”John asked.
“Please don’t tell this to the press, but we did discuss this before” Paul confirmed “The studio was booked out though”
“Have to wait until Christmas, crazy right?” John complained, it was a harmless comment, but Paul saw the sad almost painful look flash over the young man’s face, and then it disappeared as fast as it appeared.
“That’s great,” Simon says cheerfully, not a single sadness in his voice, Paul almost thought he was imagining things. “Good luck with the recording then,” Simon says.
They went into the hotel lobby a few minutes later, Paul went straight to the front desk to book rooms, Simon tail behind John slowly, when Paul was out of sight, he gently tapped John’s shoulder and asked “Can we have a quick word, John?”
“What? You wanted my autograph but not Paul’s?” he asked jokingly, but instead, he was greeted with the most serious expression he thought would never appear in young boys with Simon’s age.
“Forget about the autograph okay?” the young boy said “I just wanted you to know that it’s okay to love him, the law will change one day and you can be happy and together”
“Says who?”
“Says history” Simon blurted out “Just, go ahead and tell Paul you are still in love with him, he needed to know that”
“Who says I’m still in love with him?”
“Your songs, and his songs too,” Simon says “Seize the day, act now,you won’t live forever, you know,no one will”
Simon pushes a piece of paper into his chest and turns to leave without saying goodbye, disappearing into the night outside.
John is reading the weird receipt Simon gives him when Paul returns with a key card in his hand.
“What you’re reading?”Paul asks, getting closer so he can read it too.
“Simon gives me this weird receipt with a ridiculous date on it, he pointed out the date written on the receipt: July 6th, 2057.
“Maybe they got the wrong date printed,” Paul says,” let’s go upstairs, it’s getting late”
John nodded, throwing the paper into the closest trash bin and heading upstairs with Paul, but in his mind, he couldn’t help but think of things that doesn’t make sense in their short encounter with the young hitchhiker, for example,the latest date this kind of print machine can print is December the 31st,1999.
It turned out, that the double room they were staying in was the last available room in this hotel, so they had to crash on the same bed like the touring days all those years ago, they lay down on the bed quietly after a quick shower, there’s a fair amount of distance between them, but still,John found it’s difficult to falling asleep with Paul lying on the other side of the bed, he tossed about in bed countless times, just as he thought he could finally drifting off to sleep, he heard Paul’s voice, so small and soft, but clear in the quiet night.
“Why did you kiss me back then, Johnny?”
“Why did you kiss back?” John asked, he was meet with silence like always, then John remembered the words of their young passenger before he left and confessed “I’m still in love with ya, Macca” he said,it was a lot easier than he thought, confessing his feelings to Paul, his best friend,former lover.
“Christ, I’ve always felt the same towards you, Johnny, ever since the day I met you in the fete”
Paul’s voice choking with emotion, he turned around and put his warm, soft lips on the back of John’s neck, holding him so carefully.
John sighed, he turned back, cupped Paul’s face in his hands, and put all the love sadness, and pain from the past decade into that kiss, it’s a so natural thing for them to close the last gap between them when they can’t get closer, they did what they used to do years ago: they made love.
When John parted from Paul’s lips and caught some much-needed breath, he looked at Paul’s flushed face beneath him, and he thought: this is the person who made me know the difference between having sex and making love, and for the past decade or so, no one really made him feel the way Paul used to make him feel, not Cynthia,his then-wife, not even Yoko, his current wife whom already doesn’t sleep in the same room with him, it’s Paul,it’s always been Paul.
They reached orgasm almost at the same time, yelling each other’s names, before he finally drafting into sleep, all John can think is: I love Paul, he’s the one for me, if the world doesn’t agree with that, damn the world, I don’t even care anymore.
The next morning, John wakes up to Paul’s worried face, and the fear of Paul is about to deny what’s happened last night wash over him.
“Johnny…..”Paul whispered hesitation in his voice.
“If you’re gonna say last night means nothing, you can shut your mouth now, because it means everything to me, and I just can’t…..”
To his surprise, Paul sighed with very obvious relief “Good” he said “It means everything to me too”
They hit the road around noon, having no idea what they should do once the trip ended, but for the first time in a long time, John wasn’t afraid of the unknown anymore, if Paul was with him, then everything will be okay, at least he let himself believe that for now.
John and Paul had never met their wired hitchhiker ever again.