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Six hours after falling asleep after the considerable physical exertion of making love for the first time with Jack, Stephen woke to find that Jack was awake, dressed and sitting in the semi-darkness in a chair next to the bed. "Jack, what time is it?” Stephen asked.
"It's very early Stephen. Probably six bells in the middle watch."
"Why are you dressed?" Stephen said. He was still naked with the blankets wrapped around him.
"Tis very strange for me to be awake and not dressed." Jack said. "Old habits die hard."
"When will Bonden and Killick be here?"
"Noon, I should think."
"Jack, pray come and sit next to me." Jack got up and moved. Stephen found his hand was shaking when he reached out to take Jack's hand. "Jack, the most wonderful and extraordinary thing happened. Did I dream it or was it real?"
"It was real, Stephen."
“Soul, you do me so much honour.” Stephen said, looking into his friend's face. "Jack, have you been awake all night?"
"Most of the night. Why do you ask?"
"I fell asleep without putting in my balls of wax and you did not wake me up. If there was no snoring, you could not have slept much at all." Jack smiled. "Dearest soul." Stephen said and he took Jack's hand in his and kissed it. "I confess that I am amazed. Delighted and amazed."
"Stephen, last night made me so very happy. I am not very good at making declarations, I lack the words, the ability to put the right words together. You know how frequently I am laid by the lee, Stephen. I dread saying the wrong thing, offending you, casting aspersions where I meant none at all. I mean no imputation upon your person or your character, only mine." Jack swallowed. "I've been very rash, I find."
"Oh, Jack." Stephen said. "Dearest joy, I cannot tell you how very, very attached I am to you, my dearest Jack. I am ashamed of my own cowardice. I should not have offended you for the world. I could not conceive that you would reciprocate my sentiments towards you. I could not risk so much and I fear I denied you the joy you have given me, my dearest Jack."
"Pray do not be vexed, Stephen." Jack looked in Stephen's eyes. "You have been so very unwell since Mahón."
"Jack, I have dreamt nightly for a month now. What I said last night: there is more to it. I have never felt for one second that you have looked at me with eyes of pity and I love you for it, Jack. It is a strange and mysterious organ, the heart. I cannot fathom it myself. You are far braver than I."
"No, Stephen. Rash and impulsive, perhaps. You are the bravest man I have ever known. I had very little sensible grasp of my attachment to you and then I thought I had lost you, Stephen. Suddenly, it was clear as glass. I thought it was too late for me to ever let you know. I thought that the grief and the regret should kill me. When we found you were alive..." Tears filled Jack's eyes and his throat constricted. "My great solace was that at least I could tell you. I could not go on, not go into action again without telling you. It has been a long wait for the right time and place and for you to be well enough that I was not burdening you, Stephen.” Jack leaned forward and Stephen wrapped his arms around Jack's neck and kissed him. Jack kissed him very tenderly.
"And so how do we proceed from here?"
"Very cautiously. I shall be damned to hell if my last memory will be hanging from a yardarm.”
"Jack, do you have any perturbation about this? Any whatever?"
"In terms of what? Article XXIX? No. I served under officers who were some of the biggest sods in the fleet. Do not mistake me, Stephen, I have no intention that anyone on earth should ever know. My charms are for you alone." Jack said, smiling wryly. "My point is that the rule is broken all the time, like keeping false musters. I will not feel one scintilla of regret over it. Call it rationalization or what you will, I refuse categorically to accept the idea that this shall in any way lead to a degradation of morale or anything of the sort."
"You do not feel in any way compromised?"
"No, Stephen. You don't grow up on a man of war and end up with priggish ideas about sodomy." Jack said. "The bosun on my second ship was a confirmed sodomite and he was one of the fiercest and most frightening men I'd ever seen. I'll never forget seeing him board a would-be prize and the Spanish jumping overboard to get away from him. My whole life, I never understood why anyone would ever want to do those things. Now I want to do those things but only with you, Stephen." Jack said and his face turned bright pink, so much so that Stephen could see it in the dim light.
“Jack, I believe I have made a sailor blush.” Stephen said.
“Stephen, I shall tell you a story about an admiral I served under when I was a master's mate. It was in the Med in 1791. Maybe you remember him, he has been retired to the countryside for a year now. It was Admiral Cornwallis, who was called “Billy Blue” by most of the crew – not to his face, naturally. Though they loved him, it was an affectionate name. He was named for his tendency to hoist the Blue Peter as soon as he came on board.” Jack said. “He was Commander in Chief of both the East Indies and Channel fleets.”
“There is a song, if I recall.”
“Yes, Stephen, the same. He'd had a very severe head wound and was always a little off after that, particularly if he had too much to drink and unfortunately, he had been somewhat of a tippler before it happened. One day, when he was Admiral, he came up on the quarterdeck of Janus, which had forty-four guns. He had apparently taken a glass or more of wine too many. He requested the Captain to turn the hands up to witness punishment. The Captain obeyed, but everyone was at a loss as to the reason for the order, as they did not customarily rig the grating that day. It is very unusual for any admiral to interfere with the running of any ship, even the flagship. All hands being present, Billy Blue pointed to the third lieutenant and ordered him to strip. It was all very improper, Stephen, of course, completely unheard of, an absolute illegality – an officer must always have a formal court martial. But they were all so cowed by him that no one said a word. The lieutenant was seized up to the grating and flogged, two dozen served out by the bosun.” Stephen was silent and Jack went on.
“The next day the admiral was told of what happened, and again ordered the hands to be called, and the third lieutenant brought up on to the quarterdeck. The Admiral came on the quarterdeck with a cane in his hand and then addressed the third lieutenant, saying roughly this:
"I am told, Sir, yesterday I ordered you to be flogged, and my orders were carried out here upon this quarterdeck, but on my honour I have no recollection. It appears to be true; this morning I assembled those who saw you punished, and in their presence I tell you that I don’t come to make an apology because no British officer could receive an apology from anyone after being struck. If I did not strike you myself, I caused another man to do so.” Needless to say, Stephen, everyone assembled could not possibly guess where Billy Blue was going with this speech. Billy Blue then said, “ I won’t ask your pardon, Sir, because as a man of honour you could not pardon an unpardonable offence. Nor, Sir, will I waive my rank to give you personal satisfaction on shore, because, by receiving your fire or firing at you, I could not obliterate the stain I have laid upon on your shoulders.” Jack stopped and took a sip of water from the carafe. “This was already the most irregular event any one present could have ever imagined, Stephen. Then Billy Blue said:
“I ask a favour of you before the ship’s company, which is that you take this cane and use it on my back as long as it will hold together.” said he and went on, “By God, I would do the same to any man who served me as I served you. You may thrash me, if you please, as much as you like, and as long as I am alive I shall not interfere with your promotions."”
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph.” Stephen said.
“Indeed, Stephen. Then he presented the cane to the lieutenant. The lieutenant took it and broke it over his knee and threw the pieces over the side, and extended his hand to shake the Admiral's, saying that he forgave him. And the crew, Stephen, they cheered them three times three, the lieutenant and Billy Blue.”
“What a shameful scene.” Stephen said, disgusted.
“They loved him. Some of them said they'd be happy to kiss the gunner's daughter, Stephen, and take two dozen from Billy Blue for nothing. For nothing, just to have the opportunity to shake hands in the cabin with him later. Alone. And the man who forgave him for ordering his beating came to enjoy the patronage of Billy Blue's brother, the Marquess Cornwallis.”
“He was, no doubt, disappointed that he was not caned in front of everyone?”
“I don't quite know, Stephen. The men loved him. They absolutely loved him, would follow him anywhere. But at the same time, there was talk, credible talk about him. About young officers and the cane and his cabin. One of his other sobriquets was “Mr.Whip.” They also called him “Billy go tight.” Jack said, thoughtfully.
“I have heard of such things, of course,” Stephen said, “but I confess I am repulsed. What an ignominious abuse of authority. It is execrable.”
“He was eventually court martialed for refusing to carry out an order from the Admiralty. He was virtually acquitted though there was no question of his guilt.”
“He must have had powerful friends.”
“He was considered to be a great seaman. He was a friend of Nelson's.” Jack said. “He had a thumping great victory in Groix in 1795. Some would swear that he was entirely innocent of any scandal and others demurred from saying anything. But the talk never really ceased.” Jack took the carafe and poured another glass of water and drank it. “And so, dear Stephen, it is hard for me to believe that if we behave with any discretion and tact that I shall end up on the end of a yardarm because of Article XXIX.”
"For all love, Jack, take off your clothes and come back to bed.”
“It shall be my pleasure, Stephen,” Jack said. “after all, there is not a moment to be lost."