Chapter Text
Adam squeezes his eyes shut and digs his fingertips into his temples, as Fergus’s phone rings on his desk, ignored, for the seventh time that morning. He’s got a splitting headache, and Fergus ignoring his phone isn’t helping in the least.
“Will you answer that fucking phone?” He finally snaps, and Fergus looks up at him with a frown.
“No.” He replies, petulantly. But he does put it on silent.
As it rings again, Adam isn’t sure whether the vibrations through the desk are actually any better. He glances over at Fergus’s phone. “Why are you ignoring calls from your mum this time? It seems pretty urgent.” He likes Mrs Williams, even though he pretends to hate everyone.
“It’s not urgent. She’s just calling about Mel’s wedding.” Fergus looks back to his screen, but Adam can tell he’s not really working, just trying to avoid actually talking about whatever has got him so worked up.
“Oh yeah, that’s come around quick.” Adam flicks Fergus’s ear, dodging neatly out of the way when Fergus predictably lashes out in retaliation. He smirks once he’s out of reach. “So, why does your sister’s wedding mean that you’ve got to ignore your mum? Is she pestering you for your plus one or something?”
The look Fergus gives him would probably be intimidating on anyone else. Fortunately, Adam doesn’t think Fergus has ever looked intimidating in his life. “Fuck you, Adam.”
God Adam loves being right. He grins obnoxiously at Fergus, who has doubled down on ignoring Adam. The phone rings again. He’s tempted to answer it himself. Instead he asks, “Why don’t you just tell her you’re not bringing anyone?”
Fergus mutters something, that Adam doesn’t quite catch. “Sorry, what?”
Fergus finally looks up at him. “I said, because I told her I’m seeing someone!”
Adam’s grin disappears and he narrows his eyes at Fergus. “You didn’t tell me you were seeing someone.”
Fergus sighs. “Because I’m not. I just-” Fergus runs a frustrated hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up at all angles. “I just told her that to get her off my back.”
Adam laughs, his good humour back. “Why would you lie about that? Why not just tell her you’re not seeing anyone at the moment.”
“It wasn’t as simple as that. She was asking about-” Fergus cuts himself off, his teeth clicking shut audibly. “It doesn’t matter about that. What’s important is that she thinks I’m dating someone, and I have no one to take to my sister’s stupid wedding!”
Adam wants to press Fergus for what exactly his mum was asking about that made him think it was better to lie than just say he wasn’t seeing anyone, but he also knows Fergus well enough to know he is unlikely to volunteer that information once he has decided not to share it. “You’re such a stupid prick sometimes.” He says instead.
Fergus sticks his middle finger up at Adam. “Fucking lot of help you are!”
Adam laughs again and stands up. “I’m going to make a coffee. Want one?” He’s met with nothing but silence so he laughs again, leaving the room to give Fergus chance to cool off a bit.
In the end Fergus extends the silent treatment right up until the end of the day. Adam might have been annoyed, except it means his headache is actually mostly gone and his to do list is almost empty. He might even be able to leave before 6pm.
He gathers up his stuff and puts his jacket on. “Why don't you just find someone to take with you? Doesn't have to be a big deal. Just ask someone.”
Fergus looks up at him. He just looks miserable, as opposed to grumpy, now. “That's easy for you to say. It might have escaped your notice that I'm not exactly inundated with offers.”
“Don't be daft. You're just oblivious. That guy from the treasury asked you out the other day.” Adam remembers the flare of jealousy he had felt watching the man chat up Fergus, and the more than small amount of relief when Fergus didn’t seem to reciprocate. Not that he would ever actually admit to that.
Fergus scoffs. “No he didn't!”
“He gave you his number and told you to call him anytime you had some policies you needed funding! He practically winked as he said it!”
“That wasn't- Was it?” Fergus looks genuinely confused, and it is almost endearing. Adam hates how much he doesn’t hate that.
“Fucking hell, Fergus.” Is all Adam can say, shaking his head. He leaves a frowning Fergus in the office and walks to the lift. At least he doesn't need to take it quite so personally that Fergus never notices when he flirts with him; he never notices anyone flirting with him.
He tries to put work out of his head once he is out of the office, but Fergus has long been more than just work. So he finds himself thinking about Fergus’s predicament all the way home. He cannot help but want to fix things for Fergus, even the things that really aren’t his to fix. A solution to this issue would be for him to offer to be Fergus’s plus one, just for the wedding weekend. Everyone in the office thinks they’re shagging anyway, so he doesn’t think it would be that difficult to convince Fergus’s mum they were a couple. They could ‘date’ for a while, and then quietly ‘break up’. Problem solved.
Even as he is thinking it there is another voice asking him what the actual fuck he thinks he is doing even contemplating helping Fergus out of the ridiculous corner he has backed himself into by offering to be his date. And an even quieter voice that reminds him that such an offer would not be entirely selfless. As always, he silences that one quickly.
By the time he walks into his flat he has decided there is absolutely no way he is actually going to offer. It would be ridiculous. Totally unbelievable. A recipe for disaster.
The first thing Adam hears when he walks into Fergus’s office the next morning is his phone ringing. Again!
The second thing he hears is his own voice saying, “You could take me?” Way to go Adam.
“What?” Fergus is looking at him like he's gone mad. He thinks maybe Fergus might be right. “We're not dating?”
Adam chokes down a hysterical laugh. “No, but it's probably not that much of a stretch, you total dickhead.”
Fergus looks thoughtful for a second. “You think we should fake date for my sisters wedding?” Fergus asks slowly.
When he says it like that it does sound pretty crazy. “…Yeah.”
“Why would you do that?”
“You're my friend, and believe it or not I'm not a complete arsehole.” Adam frowns. “And also, your phone ringing off the hook is driving me up the bloody wall.” he admits.
Fergus laughs, albeit somewhat humourlessly. “Oh yeah,” his voice drips with sarcasm, “that sounds perfectly reasonable.”
“Are you saying no?” Adam asks him, trying to pretend he isn’t somewhat hurt Fergus didn't just immediately say yes, despite knowing there was no way this was a good idea.
“No, I'm not saying no.” Fergus looks at him carefully. “I'm just checking you're sure.”
“Would I have offered if I wasn't sure?” Yes, yes he would have apparently.
“Ok. Yeah.” Fergus looks like he can’t quite believe he is saying yes. “That would actually be really helpful. Thank you, Adam.”
Adam clears his throat. Well, shit. “Don't mention it.” No, seriously, don't. “Right, we need to actually do some fucking work today or the interview this afternoon will be your worst one yet.”
Fergus’s frown reappears with a vengeance and he launches into complaining about Adam being a bastard, which Adam isn't even annoyed about if it changes the subject from his own stupidity.
Later that afternoon, Adam walks back into Fergus’s office carrying two cups of coffee, and finds him on the phone to his mum. He must have finally decided to answer, now he’s got a solution to his plus one problem.
“No, I was busy mum.” Fergus has put the phone on speaker so he can carry on working, and Adam laughs when Mrs Williams asks if his work is more important than his mother. “No, of course not but I’ve been in meetings.”
“All week, Fergus? I just need to know if you’re still bringing someone. Mel needs to let the caterer know final numbers.”
“Yes, all week.” Fergus replies, rolling his eyes. “And yes, I am bringing someone…” Fergus looks up at Adam, who is sat on the sofa watching the conversation with thinly concealed sadistic glee. “Er, it’s Adam.”
“Oh, Fergus! That’s such lovely news. I’m so glad you finally-” Adam doesn’t catch the rest of Mrs William’s comment as Fergus goes bright red and snatches his phone up, taking it off speaker. Adam smirks at him and then laughs when Fergus sticks his middle finger up.
“Anyway mum, I really need to go now! I’m getting called into a meeting.”
Adam just laughs harder.
When he is laying in bed later that night he finds himself wondering why Fergus’s mum did not seem more surprised. But, considering how much time they spend together, and the fact that everyone already thinks they are sleeping together, perhaps Adam was right and it is not that surprising she would put two and two together and make five.
He is still not sure this is a good idea, but it is too late to back out now, and he is not sure he would even if he could. Besides, they’ve got over a month until the actual wedding, which is ages.